Customer Service
29 Jul 2017 · 3 h 37 min · 15,661 words · source
Transcript
This is basic civil defense information from the Department of Defense, Office of Civil Defense, Washington.
If the United States should be attacked with nuclear weapons,
it's almost certain that our networks of warning stations would detect incoming bombers or missiles
in time for you to reach shelter or at least take cover.
You may receive warning of an attack by radio, television, or through the outdoor warning system in your community.
It's important that you learn to recognize the attack warning signal
Head-to-Needs
the standard attack warning signal is a three to five minute wavering sound orders
series of short blasts on whistles
horns or other devices either of these signals means that and actual enemy
attack has been detected and you should take productive action immediately find
out from your local Civil Defence Office the attack warning system that will be
Matt Hillock
Madhouse Live
Zax, why don't you tell us who else is online?
Because I can't see it right now.
There's Aspa and Nashby, but I don't know them.
Hello.
Hello, Nashby.
Hey, guys.
How you doing?
It's an honor to be on the show tonight with you, Carlito.
Hey, Big Pump.
How you doing?
I'm all right, bud.
How are you?
Good, good.
I'm substituting for Big Dwight McClanahan.
He's out enjoying a pickle tonight, I understand.
Something like that.
So we're here.
Okay.
No, he's he's out having a cheat day in his diet and watching wrestling. So we are holding it down. I wanted to make sure that all his fucking fans were covered. In the middle of the intros and stuff playing there and my headphones broke. My headset broke, man. That's not cool. You know, those have been with me for a long time for like eight years. Now what do I do? I don't know. I had to run upstairs and get like a
One of those earbud things. This is not the same. I hear myself in my head.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
Palindrome's here.
Yeah, I'm here. Hi.
Alright, good. Palindrome's here.
Who else is here? Let's see. Olga's here. Good, good.
Clay, speaking of broken headphones, Clay's here also. I don't know if we talked about that.
But anyway, I got nothing really planned my got incoming calls coming in from the producer. He's gonna be hooking up with those
He's gonna be in and out often in let me give them the heads up to those
Anyway
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
MadhouseLive.com
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Paypal.me
Paypal.me
Paypal.me
You can also go to
janitordwight.com
and get your information stolen
by the Chinese.
Here's an incoming call. Let's do it.
Alright, great.
Hey, it didn't work.
Is it a tiny chat tonight?
You want to fire up your tiny chat?
Yeah, we got it going.
Weeping angels.
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
I think you can play shit, you just can't stream it at the same time, right?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hi, Machine.
Hi, how are you?
What's going on?
Oh, I'm just here. I'm touching my sexual organs. How are you?
I don't know. Thank you. I don't know.
So I don't know what's happening.
They said press run, and I did, and I got it.
So I'm just wondering what's going on.
Oh, yeah, I'm here.
So if you have some kind of...
Hi.
If you're feeling sexually attracted right now or excited,
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How about your breasts?
You could have told her an erotic story about people with all-night makeup.
Now we know what is really a Dwight show.
So what do you have the call-in for?
It's, you know the call-in.
It's this bot that calls out, like a phone thing.
It's, hey, you've won an offer.
Oh, okay.
It's not you.
Friends
Like comfort jays, happy do greetings friends, so it's not really doing anything about sexual organs
It needs to be you need to rip the
Oh
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Fairst Bueller
Customer Service
What Company is this?
This is Customer Service LLC
Customer Service for who?
Well that's the name of our company customer service LLC
Well what did you want with me?
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Do you want to ask what my wife thinks? We can put her on the line.
No, I don't want to ask anyone else.
Hello?
Do you have children?
Hello?
Hello?
Not good.
Who is this?
Who is this?
It's a party line.
Hello?
Yes, I just got a phone call. Who is this?
You're reversing the...
Psychology.
I get it.
Okay. All right, you're a smart one.
I'm hanging up now.
Could you please read a prayer, sweetheart?
Please read a prayer.
Hey, jerk-off, what do you want?
Hey, you, guy.
Hey, the guy on the phone. I'm talking to you.
The shy dick one. The cat got his throat.
Okay, well, we'll see you later there, buddy.
Keep him on the line. He just wants to listen like a pervert.
I'm just going to listen to that goddamn thing.
I don't know. I don't know.
I'm going to get the bottom of it.
That lady did say do what now.
International Horse Machines, my name is Matt Hillock. How can I help you?
I'd like to slap you in the face. How about that?
What'd you say?
I said I'd like to slap you in the face, Bubba.
You know, I think they're all going to be old people because only old people would call this shit back.
What was the name of Frank's telephone machine?
Prank Call-O-Matic Free-Thousand
Prank Zax
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Darn recording again.
Of course it was. It's been calling all night.
Just unplug the phone.
I told you to unplug the phone.
But it could be my mother.
Shoot!
That is it, Ned. If you don't unplug that phone right now, you're sleeping on the lawn.
Will you two shut up?
I'm trying to sleep!
Um, doesn't he hate his mother?
I thought his parents were like those hipsters.
Oh yeah, he doesn't like lousy phoenix.
I love when they go to the thing they're like our kids out of control like we're trying nothing
and it's just not working all right yeah and uh very very nasty language he was using too
what's an older episode because uh mrs flanders is still alive
mod remember fucking homer like when he had the party and he was all drunk and he was looking at
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
I guess that's the way to start it with, is customer service.
I didn't know that.
You don't have to.
I don't have to, but...
Yeah, but I like it.
It's a good thing.
I can maybe save my name.
Now can I help you this evening?
You don't have to save your name either.
Sometimes I just go, well, what do you want?
What's your fucking problem?
Matt, fuck it.
Why do you call me?
Like, boy, boo.
You're waking me up.
Charles, boo.
Here we go.
Expo, back on.
All right.
Thank you for calling customer service.
How can I help you?
Hello?
Of course!
Uh oh, can I get him next time?
Sure!
Yeah.
I think it's the same goddamn person.
Probably.
Might be.
I like this, I like some xylophone-y ass music.
Oh, it's, it's, it's a hard instrument to play.
You just hear it, you know what I'm saying.
It's harder than the piano.
Call him back.
Yeah, what you want on my phone?
Why you playing?
Here's another one, here's another one.
Why you playing on my phone?
Oh, they're all ending them.
Uh oh.
Oh, okay.
Alright, we're, we're...
I don't think that's the way to go.
You have to wait, you have to wait for the
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Greaseman says call Trump. How am I supposed to call Trump? How old are you, 12?
No, seriously.
Call God and tell him he's fake.
Call the God, yeah.
Call Kim Jong-un.
Yeah, well, I'm at it, right?
Tell him no missiles, man. My mom was all worried.
They're saying they got missiles that can come from fucking Chicago.
Customer service.
This number is supposed to be on your do not call list.
So what?
I would like to speak to your supervisor.
Here we go again. I'll put you through to Matt Hillock. Just a moment, you old bridge.
Hey, hey there, toots. What's your problem? Hello? Hello? I heard we had another complainer on the line. Hello?
Okay, alright, yeah, we're not supposed to give out Matt's name because it could get traced back.
My bad, my bad. Alright, Matt, don't use your real name. Use that other name.
Really?
Use your Shylock name.
Thank you for
Thank you for calling the White House comment line. The office is closed. Your comment is important to the president. Please call back.
I guess we can't talk to Trump. I tried.
I like the what are you 12.
Okay.
Fosco Grubbs, give me something.
Can I talk to the customer?
Who's this? Who's asking? Sorry.
This is Robert Vance.
Oh, hey, what's up, Bob Vance?
Hey, dude.
Why are you talking like a Chinaman?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Jason Zimmer
Losing Monroeville, Ohio
Robert Vance
Call Nation Madhouse Live
We tried their Fosco.
Maybe we'll take them back later.
The producer confirms it looks to be
I'm presuming it sounded like
it's an issue with the callers
hanging up. We're not doing anything bad. None of you.
You're all doing really good. I'm very proud
of all of you on the line right now.
They're the shy dicks.
They don't want to be broadcast on the internet.
Who would want to?
Little Jimi Hendrix.
And we will
take a look here.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Spending Indians in it?
I don't know I think they really let it
If anyone in the United chat groups can let me know
Phone too loud, am I too loud? The music etc?
Matt's always loud and talking
Oh are they saying I'm too loud?
I'm like damn near flitting my mic most of the time you know
Can't hear the incoming calls on YouTube, whoops
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message
I didn't think about that, that's right the way it's set up now you can't hear the incoming calls
We're doing shit
There's a learning curve my friend
Alright let me try to add with music
We're going balls, full balls right now Matt
And everyone out there
I'm adding the music
Until they kick us off
Fuck it you know what I mean
This is a remix CD anyway
I was gonna say
Do weird remixes
Like
That sounded like
Public release type shit
Yeah well this here is like
Madhouse Live
No, no, not when I don't dial one.
Man, do I sound like I'm nasally or is it just because I have these earbuds?
No, you sound like you have these earbuds.
Yeah, you have your big hands on.
Because they broke. They snapped. I can put more duct tape on them.
See that shit I said the other day about that, like, the Oscar straight thing?
It's like, they call me duct tape name.
Duct tape?
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
I'm trying to find the link and put it in.
I love watching fucking Scared Stranger
I'd hate
I'm not a big fan but this is
so funny it's so bizarre
like I think the guy's just taking the piss
or maybe he's real crazy
dude um
that fucking show like
yeah man like the 70's
version of it now there's a TV series about it
yeah this is from the
the new one
you ever see the 70's the old
version of it yeah it's great
and then they did a follow up after that
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Let me make sure I'm locked in the sky. Oh, incoming call. Bob, you're still up if you want, sir.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes, hello, this is Robert Vance with customer service. How can I help?
Yes, hello, sir. You've reached the associate here with customer service. Can I help you?
Hello, sir, I'm here on the line. What can I help you with?
He was super confused. He was like, I gotta hit you too, the vocal thump of life.
Oh god, I hate this.
Oh, there's a fake me in the time stairs and things.
And YouTube.
There's a hat millock in the Mr. Chips.
Oh, hey, what's up, Booker Poo?
Or maybe not, it cannot be.
Any requests for a place to call?
I can get something pretty quick on our big Vietnamese list of numbers.
You got Vietnamese numbers?
I use a Vietnamese website to get Prank Call numbers now.
That's awesome.
Thread.
Did you listen to the duct tape?
Uh, no, that's right.
So thank you for keeping me on track here.
You know what, I'm going to play it over here.
This is a new setup here.
I know.
So...
Ah, shit.
Here we go.
Bobby!
They keep interrupting.
Bobby!
Along to the rail!
Yes, sir.
Hello
Hello this is Robert Vance with customer service, how can I help you?
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A 10 foot run over to my new HDR TV and it would work but it wouldn't transmit in HDR because that cable itself wasn't working with that type cheap Chinese cable. I will take this one. Excuse me, please. Okay. Monster Cables. My name is. How can I help you? Hello? Yes, my name is. How can I help you? Oh, do you need to talk to someone Spanish? I don't speak Spanish. I don't need to speak. No. One minute, please.
Un momento, por favor.
Buenas tardes, servicio al cliente. Como lo puedo asistir?
They really hate it when you say, oh, you need to know Spanish. One moment, please.
My dad hates it when they do that.
He gets just like that. I cannot speak English.
It's the same thing about him and Gooch Bears, and it makes me laugh.
Like, when you guys were talking about the Amway, like, marketing schemes yesterday,
I thought about the market the fucking goji berries
I totally forgot to bring that out
My dad with the fucking goji berries man holy shit
And he would get calls because for a while their goji berries were like the next thing with the hipsters
Yeah
It was the you know
I put some of my smoothies before they're just like candy
All right let's try this again I'm going to try this
Customer service my name is how can I help you
My name is
Yeah okay
We uh
Let's play the rest of duct tape
That's good
This guy's funny
He's got his face in the window
I want duct tape
That's how they live
That's how they live
That's how we live in here
That's how you gonna live too
He duct tape
He duct tape
He mine
He duct tape
He duct tape
He mine
You see this
Duct tape
See them sounds over there
They saving
So what
So he's
He just seen duct tape in the cell
And he's like
He's pissing off his cellmates
I want
I don't know. No, they're scared straight. So I wonder if this guy might have a thing that day because maybe he's a kidnapper or some shit, you know, that's all I can think.
I don't think he's a strangler in jail, but I can see like he duct taped somebody up and like kidnapping or some shit and got that real name. It's so stupid with the like the fucking bandaid on his face like Nelly and shit.
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Mr. Ordinator said they got me a doctor's coat and a face stethoscope.
And apparently I'm putting a pussy in a bear. Here's a call.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, too late. I waited too late.
Here we go again.
Okay, I got it.
Hey.
Hello.
Hello. How you doing? It's customer service. What's up?
Yes, I want to be put on your do not call list.
Grace lady, people in Elwha and Icewater. We all f***, you know?
What are you going to do for me?
Madhouse Live
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Joe Rogan
was really close to fighting
Wesley Snipes
a long time ago
like just a street fighter
no like an actual
for money because that was right when
he was going through that whole tax evasion bullshit
and it was going to be
a lot of money
that would have been wild he would have fucked up
he would have fucked him up
people just think Joe is some comedian
you just see that shit
of him doing the leg kicks
on the giant heavy bag
Madhouse Live
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Oh, my God.
Dude, yeah, it's going to be sick.
Now I've got to watch it because it's an ass whooping.
Before that, I wanted to watch it because I thought Mayweather was going to get his ass beat.
And fuck Manny Mayweather.
I fucking hate Floyd Mayweather, man.
He's fucking.
He's a piece.
I mean, he's just so cocky and he's a piece of shit.
And Baz would be saying the same thing because his wife is a Filipina.
And they all worship fucking what's Pac-Man, Pacquiao.
Shit.
They want revenge.
I'm so pissed off the motherfucker's gonna hit gonna end up with a undefeated boxing record
oh why is he is he he never lost is he done after this though he's been done with real boxing
he was retired so he's just doing yeah I believe this win will put him over rocky marciano for the
best um record here we go here we go here's a call who's taking this sure thank the man with
Yeah, hello, how you doing today?
I'm doing fine.
Who are you and where are you calling from?
What's up?
I'm at a call center.
What's your problem this evening?
Well, like, we're a global business, but I'm in Chicago, Illinois.
I think you just called it, Joker.
No, I didn't call it.
You called me.
My machines don't fucking get you.
A machine is as close as you can get me?
What is this, some kind of crazy scam?
I've been looking on YouTube.
TheFNDC.com
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Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
I'm sorry I can't do that.
The machine's broken and this is my first day on the job
I don't know how to fix it it's just gonna keep calling yeah it's probably
gonna keep calling all night
yeah I'm the only person here they left me here I'm in a cage with a headset on
they won't even let me leave I'm just stuck here all night I can't call out
though I can only receive the incomings I'm sorry you want to say it louder
What?
What'd you say?
No, I was asking you what you was saying.
Hello? You wanna talk about your sexual organs?
Your sexual organs.
You wanna talk about them?
I don't.
Oh, well that's not fun.
I'm 77 years old, you know.
Oh, that's okay, you know.
Honey baby, you still there?
Honey?
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Call Nation Madhouse Live
ESL FTW
Do you need to speak to someone in Spanish?
Because I don't speak Spanish.
I don't need to speak nobody in Spanish, you asshole.
One moment for Spanish department.
Thank you.
Se dice el cliente.
¿Cómo lo puedo asistir?
¿Cuánto cuesta el sombrero?
Hello?
Are you calling for goji berries?
I'm not calling for no fucking bear.
I'm calling you to kill me.
I'm going to kick you, and I'm going to show your wife my penis.
Okay, well, that's good.
Oh, we're good.
Now we're talking.
Now we're talking.
Yeah.
All right.
Good.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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What state is that, ma'am?
That's what I say, you stupid son of a bitch.
Just because your mother's a whore.
Whoa.
Now you're going to get more phone calls.
You see how abusive he is, ma'am?
Fuck you.
No, fuck you, motherfucker.
I'll fuck your mother.
Hey.
I got her on the phone right now.
You hear her?
The girl?
That's your mother.
I'm dude's mom.
Could you guys please take me off the list?
How big are your sexual organs, ma'am?
That's what I say, you stupid son of a bitches.
I don't understand where these calls are coming from.
It's sons of bitches.
Sons of bitches, you stupid fuck.
I don't understand plurals of things.
Do you need to talk to someone in Spanish?
I'll put you through.
One moment, please.
Hey, bitch.
Shut up.
Hello?
Yeah, what do you want?
Why are you being so rude?
I just want to know who you people are.
This is customer...
And why you keep...
This is customer...
Why you keep calling...
Hello, hello.
Please, let me talk.
This is Customer Service LLC, a subsidiary of DoNotCallThis.com.
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
We're not going to talk, lady? You're just going to sit there?
Customer service, how can I help you with your sexual organs today?
Hello? Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
Hello? Hello?
Go ahead, Matt, take this one.
Hey, yeah, hello.
Hello, kick me off your phone.
You stab him, we slap him.
Quit fucking calling me.
I don't want your call.
Hey, sugar versus, slow down with the curse.
Oh, don't call me sugar britches. Get me off this phone or else I will report you.
You're calling me on the phone. What are you doing? Riding it? You got to sit on vibrate and you're getting off while you call me? Why are you so mad? And who are you going to report me to?
That was like the Jetsons. Like, get me off this crazy thing.
Get me off this crazy thing.
There was one last one just listening for five minutes. I hung up on him. Dom the Bomb is here. Dom the Bomb, how are you doing? Dom the Bomb dot Dom.
Calls of Mass Confusion
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I don't know what to do from my background because it's obviously just the kitchen behind me, but I could somehow get to like the big windows, but I don't know where I can sit shit with a computer, you know?
That would look legit, like another like big building out the window, you know?
Yeah, like somehow, but it's like, I don't know, maybe I'll figure something, maybe...
I think it needs stains. You need to get some stains action in that, man.
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Zax, can you get, there's a request for that, the link to that, TinyChat, can you get that out, tinychat.com.
Oh, yeah, I can.
What is it, guys?
It's Zax Intel.
Oh, yeah, people can watch Zed.
What do you like, Zeds?
Zeds.
Z, Z, they don't, they're not going to understand.
Zed.
Zed.
So you run a ZX Spectrum computer?
Zax Ray
Zax
I-N-T
There's absolutely no Ray in there.
No, well, I was saying, like, phonetically.
You wouldn't know.
Yeah, well, no.
Then you would say, like, Zulu Alpha Zebra Curve, right?
Or no, what's X?
Xylophone?
What's the phonetic thing for X?
Z Zulu Alpha X-Ray India November Tango Echolima
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Look at the numbers in the wrong way.
I was just some video on Reddit of some guy like getting Comcast fiber like hooked up in his house the other day and I was watching the fiber guy like connect it and I was like, I can't believe I didn't go to the fiber classes because Lucent used to want me to do the fiber shit and I was like, man, that seems too fucking technical, you know, but I was looking at it's just a machine.
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Prank Trap
Prank Trap
Prank Trap
Prank Trap
I'm sorry, I'm trying to make things equal.
That's the new rule here.
Milkman instance.
That fucking man's a jerk.
Takes over shows.
Takes over shows.
Thank you for calling customer service.
How can I help you?
Hello?
Okay.
Oh.
I think they need help with their phone machine.
YouTubers, can you let me know how the sound quality is?
I think there's a report that my audio is lower in comparison.
We can tune that.
Dr. B's on YouTube.
I haven't blocked anyone in Mixler in over a year.
I doubt.
The only other people that I have access to are Zach's.
Madhouse Live
I am so offended with the fuck this fuck shit damn it fuck
customer service I'm transferring you to the expo one moment
thank you for calling customer service how can I help you
hello thank you for using your telephone machine
I just was calling to get removed from your calling list please
I can't do that. I don't have a means of doing that.
Well, the prompt just told me that if I press 2, I could be removed from the calling list.
Yeah, yeah, it does say that, but this just enables us to get you on the phone, you know?
So we can talk to you, and we can discuss the reward redemption program.
Would you like to talk about your sexual organs, per chance?
You can just remove me from your calling list.
No, we're not going to remove you.
We can, but it'll be a nominal.
Call Us Pro
Customer Service
My name is Baz how can I help you?
Hello?
He's still there
Here's another one, we got two coming in
Hot, coming in hot
Who do you want to talk to?
Go fuck yourself. Just because your mother's a whore doesn't mean you can I'm stupid enough to go for it
Fucking you
Go fucking you go fucking you you say go fuck. What's buff?
Go fuck you you dumbass
Bastard I would if your mother
If your mother wasn't a whore I would I'm busy fucking her
You're a whore. You fucking little bitch.
You fucking stupid ass bitch.
Go fuck yourself.
And raise your own little bastards.
Why don't you love me?
I love you with all my heart.
I think that was a little racist there, right?
He was saying, raise your own bastards. Don't make us pay for it.
You see how those people are?
He got really mad.
That's twice now he's been on.
He was the one that had all five people connected at once.
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Oh, okay. Perfect. Thank you, ma'am. Let me explain our tiers of do not call lists. We have our copper package starting at $19.99, which means that you will not get called. Here's another one. Here's a quick one. I was going to go up to like the gold package for $59.99. Customer service, would you like to be signed up for the do not call list?
Like to talk mexican to a lebanese or like that touchdown terrorist where he goes you want to talk to a black man
I like the one prank where he said his name was tic tac the mexican
and the guy he goes what did he say he goes I dress for you now you cholo
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customer service you have all of us here how can we help you watch and I'm
just like that you know jerking it stroking it a little bit yeah can you do
it again my face he's like sick fucking Clarence Carter up in this piece make
this off you do not call you little fuck
I like his effeminate voice I think that was a real fart and it was it was kind of loose right
so then who's the gay yeah not that there's anything wrong with that but I'm just saying
I've heard these things that their farts have a more less yeah to it ballast ballast
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
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Podcasts and like YouTube before I sleep, you know, so it's fine for that. Uh, yeah, I use it. I take pictures with it
um, you know, I do that of the cats a lot and
Just by surfing my surf there. I watch my porn on there because let's have a chance of getting a virus machine
I have
Dude, I'm going to the scat house. I can't find me. Yeah
Well, I usually have it with me like when I wherever I am in the house
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The
Member I had you added to that one corrupt gentleman or what is it called corrupt gentlemen one group?
That's really cool. They've been doing a lot of scat stuff lately. That's really pissing me off
You know that fight the guy with a bicycle that I sent you that video. Oh, yeah
Yeah, I was well, yeah, I don't know if I'm like on that group I get like the dark humor
International in shit. Oh, let me see. How can I just copy this image?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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We got a, it says a PV backstage 30 bass amp.
It looks like pervy to me, so I'm going to go that way with it.
PV?
PV.
P-V-A-V-Y.
That's pervy.
All messages, dude.
Buzzing again.
That might get you in trouble.
Facebook, a message of it.
That's the only one I see in the photos.
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Golden Hillock Road
Oh, we used to call him Mr. Mohamed on Golden Hillock Road.
I remember this.
Your call cannot be completed as dialed.
Mohamed, let's see, where did I have it saved as?
Oh, I know why, I need 011.
Come on, you know the format these for me, man, come on.
Speaking, can I help you?
Yeah, hello, I was looking to speak with number 112, please.
What do you mean 112?
1 and 12
What do you mean speak with 112?
Uh the number 112?
I don't know that kind of number.
Is the hotel this?
Yeah that is hotel that?
Yeah
Okay yeah do you have room 112 or is it 12?
12 that's it I'm sorry yes I'm sorry that's that's right I'm with transportation.
Okay okay alright alright.
Wanna put them through?
Yes could you please sir?
Thank you.
Okay okay.
Alright thank you.
Very small join huh?
We have 1 and 12.
It's just like a duplex.
Calls
Incoming Calls
Several incoming calls
Go
Add to the chaos
Here's a
Mr. Mohamed
On the road
They're not picking up
Who I guess
Might be right up the street
From the hotel
Is he a bhencho?
Incoming call
There we go
Yeah
Customer service
My name is White
How can I help you?
I hope you can help me sir
Ah
Don't start
Don't start
Don't start
Excuse me?
I said don't start
What do you mean?
Well just
I hear you're starting
To get a little
Almost snowflake
So
Listen, I've gotten a call from the South Penn Times now in the last half.
Can I get my number? Take a call list.
If you're nice.
And I'm going to report you.
To who? To who?
Get this goddamn number off your call list.
Hey, hey, you big bully.
I'm going to double call you.
Big bully.
He sounded nice.
He was really nice at first.
Oh, boy.
What's the sauce on Dr. Punchy?
Trustable? Not trustable?
Enemy of the state? What is it?
Trustable.
Send me a list, so I'm going to look at those.
He's cool.
Can we open that?
People are asking for this poop picture,
so I'm going to find it and put it on Majora's,
put it in the chat.
There you go.
Put it on Tiny Chat also.
What chat are you on?
The Mixler Chat
Customer Service, my name is White. How can I help you?
Yeah, I don't want nothing. You guys keep calling.
But you're going to get something.
In your butt.
We're going to put something up your butt.
I don't want...
Motherfucker just says, I don't want the calls and says, I don't want nothing.
Got a couple more coming in. Next one here. Who wants it?
I'll take it.
Bad.
Customer service, how may I help you?
No comprende, no hablo ingles.
No?
No? Well, we're going to keep calling you a lot then.
Go fuck yourself.
We have to call like 50 times before we can put you on the do not call list.
And that's really only a do not call every other time list.
So we gradually work up to the tiers of no call.
It's so funny. There's like a particular type of people that call back.
I'm just connecting a lot of people, hang on.
Hello? Hello? Yes, hello? Hello, yes.
Hello?
How can we help you?
There's like five people on this phone.
Who are you? Why did you call me?
Who's calling?
This business keeps calling me.
I want to be taken off your call list.
Well, why are you calling me?
Yeah, take me off your call list.
Why are you calling me?
Please take me off your call list, ma'am. Stop calling me.
Take me off your call list, too.
Please keep me on your call list. This is the only attention I get.
I have my phone ringing. I pick up my phone.
The Circle Caller Machine is Broken
Hello
Hello I'd like to be on the call list
Yes ma'am did you want to get signed up on the call list
Joke of the day
This is the 7th I've gotten tonight
Every 15 minutes
What happens when we call you 21 times
And you count
You run out of fingers and toes to use to count
Alright here's another one
Customer service would you love to be placed on hold
Would you get me off of your list
I've pressed 2
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Take your silences and acceptance that you want to be called back every 10 minutes.
Here, try this one.
Customer service, how are you?
Who am I speaking to?
Hey, this is Matty.
What's up, sweetheart?
This is customer service.
I'm not your sweetheart.
I want to be taken off.
Let's talk a little bit.
Come on.
That was funny.
I'm trying to add this to Imgur.
I don't know how to do it.
It's making me...
Can you put stuff like that on Imgur or just I don't know okay I don't know what's going on
it's well it made me make an account but now I don't know it's like I uploaded it but I don't
know it's got to be all limits I don't know how to share it though why don't you just put it on
Facebook oh you can't never mind um tell the people the story I got okay oh I got it I got
Imgur cool call I got it all right can I take the next one I've got an idea sure
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
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I was saying the um the the mixler's kind of quiet for me but people aren't bitching that much
okay maybe it's because I'm on with y'all all right now they're saying the youtube feed is
frozen is it dude do you know how rad it's gonna be when we get fucking video going on youtube feeds
yeah if I ever get the shit to work right that's a jar it's like a caller to conservative radio
I'm still talking about
conservative radio over there so I don't think
it's working that good. Let me see
am I even on there? Maybe they kicked me out
for the music. That's another problem too.
No I hear it. Oh you do?
I just refreshed
fucking. On YouTube?
Yeah wait he's
saying taking away Baz
so maybe that's a little bit behind.
That's a bit behind yeah.
Hang on let me do another update here.
Look at the feed from the main
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Prank Call Nation
I'll take a look at that. I'll adjust that. Here we go. Here's another one.
Who's taking it?
All right.
Bob.
Hi, this is Robert with customer service. How can I help you?
All right. Take me off the calling list. It's a little late. Be calling around here.
Oh, did you get a phone call from a robo-dialer?
We've been having this problem, sir.
Could you help me figure this out?
Because I've got, like, at least five other people that called me tonight,
and they were all saying pancakes.
I mean, they said that the line was, like, calling them over and over.
They had to press two or something.
I think someone might have, like, gotten into our servers.
No, you think so, huh?
Right, yeah, I think so.
What did they ask you for?
Did they ask you for any information, or...?
Just an automated system, said I want something or whatever.
Okay, let me see.
Do you mind speaking with the technician about this?
Because we don't want this to happen again.
Like, I'm trying to solve this problem for you and a bunch of the other people that have been affected.
I'm just going to pull him on the line here, and he's just going to ask you a question about the call you received.
Yeah, Haas, are you there?
Hello?
5-6-8 needs to be put on your do not call list.
Well, too late now.
You gave it out.
You know, you didn't have to read it out.
Now all the kids are going to be calling you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're pretty dumb.
I don't like it.
I don't like the sound of that number.
I'm going to call that shit all the time, dog.
You fucked up.
You did.
Yes, this is the manager.
I'm with technical support.
You were transferred over to me, sir.
Was that the same guy that...
Not sure.
Okay.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Here's another one.
What's up, Zach?
Customer service.
My name is Balls.
How can I help you?
Good night, Zach.
MaxCast
I've been in bed 30 minutes and I can't get my phone back.
How many times have you touched yourself?
Zax is going to bed.
Right now I'm going to bed too.
Say bye lady.
Say bye Zax.
Night night.
Good night.
Night night Zax.
Oh I hope you're having fun.
I hope you're really having fun.
You demented people.
Do you know any wholesome nursery rhymes?
She's got me.
Here's another one.
Yeah what do you want?
Who is this?
This is Baz.
Customer service.
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I am the century link robot
Be bop be boop
I am a robot
But it will make your streaming slower
Oh boy another one
Yeah who dis
Customer service who is it now
Yeah who is it now
But you are the one that called my house, and it is 1045 at night.
You are waking up my kids and my family.
You need to stop calling me now.
You need to tell your stupid kids to shut up.
No, you need to tell your stupid self to shut up.
And if you call me again, I'm going to turn yourself in to the Telephone Consumer Protection Act.
Oh, wow, the act itself?
You're going to print a copy of it and turn me into it?
I will turn your ass in.
Well, tell you what, pull your pants and your panties down, spread your labia, and shove it up there.
Burn.
Do that.
The fuck is this?
I would recommend some lube, though.
My name is Cross.
Where are you calling from?
From the island of Malta.
Stop calling me.
I can't do that. I can't. It's the computer.
Yes, actually, you can.
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
The computer's calling. You don't understand because you're a woman.
All right, she's gone.
Skype, are you still there? Skypers? Hello?
Hello? Oh, shit. Hello, Skype. Amazon Skype Trouble's here. Trying to get them back. Shit.
Oh, it worked. It worked. It called me back. It called me first.
You good? What? I got a call. What? What? Call?
You got me. You got me, so I'm here.
Okay, good. Is everyone else able to connect again? I don't know.
I don't know. Do you need to redo it?
Should I rebuild it, maybe? Yeah. Let me do that. Yeah, let me do that while I handle calls. Hang on. Matt will call you back.
Okay.
customer service my name is paint how can i help you yeah you need to take us off your phone list
you shove it up your ass okay can you shove the phone up your ass so it stops ringing that's the
best i can do for you right now to be honest with you hello buddy you got to work with me here okay
what's that you got to work with you got to help me out if you can shove the phone up your ass it
should stop ringing and that should you know stop it for now i'm not trying to be cute i'm trying
to help you out sir it's my job take us off your phone list you'd have to talk to someone else not
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Free
There's another one guys, here you go
Customer Service, this is
Snozzwell, how can I help you?
Dr. Snozzwell, you're taking
calls? Yes I am
The doctor is in
Hey, um, Dr. Snozzwell
I have this little growth
on the edge
in between this space between my ass
and balls
On the gooch, you mean?
Yeah, I was wondering if you could
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Pog Vance
Brad Green
Brad Zer
Brad hasn't picked up.
Whoever's connected, let me know.
Yeah.
It looks like you got Clay,
you got Bob Vance,
you got Dom, you got
Aspa, Baz, and myself.
We're good, we're good.
Alright, cool.
I might go
light up here real quick while
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I thought they were talking about the guy said the show was on Netflix and it was about a weird little town up in Norway right and then I found this work called but it's about like like all government type shit it wasn't it it was called like um whatever what's it Occupied I think it's called Occupied it's like it's super neat oh my god Buster Casey's getting nice buddy
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Man in the High Castle
Madhouse Live
Let's do a few more of these numbers from Dr. Punchy Machine.
Things for sale and such.
Might be late, but they may pick up.
If the producer can hold off on calls for now,
because I am going to be taking that break.
I don't want to lose any of those.
Antique Gasto for sale in Florida.
Not found.
All right.
Let me lose the plus sign.
That'll help.
Here we go.
This is my favorite part of the show.
Hey, buddy.
Where the phones ring?
Yeah, yeah.
Sorry, I missed your call, but if you'll leave your name and number...
You a she.
Someone looking for a small farm tractor.
Let me adjust the caller ID here.
Just a moment.
I want a tractor.
That would be fun.
I can't own the property.
Tractor for sale.
Make it happen.
I'll make an exception.
I'm special.
Special Ed.
Hello, I'm not available.
Dr. Punchy and Rated Curb Bridge
and then it goes back they get you gonna have somebody who knows to go with
like your face your mom your this
here we go all right
The picture I was posting
I totally forgot about this shit
Oh damn it I did
Sax and Tom
Oh yeah
Yeah hey I'm gonna put you
Through to Dom he's calling about that
Antique gas thing
Antique gas furnace right
Stove
Stove, yeah, my brother my brother Dom wants a he's a pervert. Here you go. Hey, how you doing? I'm doing well
You got that stove?
Okay, is it a nice round stove?
Is it a big stove?
Waist-high
No, how does the stove like where does it go? Do you got a bend over to put stuff on it?
Oh, no, does your wife use it? No, we're not in bad
If your wife used it, would you, uh, watch her, like, kind of, like, look from the living room into the kitchen and just, like, watch her start using it?
You know, imagine her, her ass right there, you know, while she's cooking?
Huh?
Oh, um, do you think if your wife was using the stove, you would sit in the living room and just watch her from afar, just start imagining her cooking, you know, like, what you would do to her from behind while she's cooking?
Oh, hey, hey.
What?
Hey.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's no need to talk to my brother like that.
Why'd you say he's a sick motherfucker?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't want to hear you talking ever to my little brother like that, alright?
Because that sounds like something I might put a whooping on someone to talk to my brother down like that, you understand?
Motherfucker?
Yeah, right.
Who did I get back? The shit just crashed, didn't it? Skype again.
Yeah, I'm back.
It's just me and you, I think.
Me and you and Ashby.
Yeah, other people will join here shortly, I hope.
I'm going to take that break, I think, because this shit's fucking breaking down here.
It's a fucking mess, man.
This is...
Yeah.
Yeah, um, I don't think I got too many people on Skype or whatever.
Yeah, let me try one more call.
I'm going to do one more at least.
Ford Tractor.
I'll try that again.
That one was for you.
And I kind of switched you up there.
That's okay.
I'm going to transfer one of you guys back.
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging.
Shit.
Baz, you made it back.
Yeah.
Call for a small fridge for a camper if you're interested nice yeah actually we're cleaning garage I found a small fridge I need one of those they also got a set of tire wheels chrome caps lug nuts golf cart shit small fridge though that's what you'll remember this is what
Why is Skype so stupid?
Yeah, I'm calling about the small fridge.
You got that damn there small fridge for sale?
Yeah.
Yeah, does it work?
Yes, sir.
All right, I run a business, so I need to be able to rely on this for my business.
I sell urine samples, so I piss in jars, mason jars.
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
Go ahead, I'll give you a shiny, crisp, well not shiny, but a crisp $10 bill.
I guess it's shiny if you look at it in the right light.
I don't know, anybody else? Anybody else? I got my associates on the line.
Maybe they got some ideas of what they can give you.
Yeah, hi, this is Dr. Cross, and I was just on the line, and you were asking what you could get out of it.
You can distill that urine down to some sulfur, you know, and that's, you can barter pretty good for some sulfur.
Hello.
Hey, anybody got some sulfur for sale?
We got you back. We're doing some sulfur salt, sir.
Taking a break soon, Matt, but Skype crashed again.
We got some hands for sale.
I went ahead and started.
Your call cannot be completed as dialed.
Please check the number and dial again.
Did not have to be added first.
We got a hold on incoming calls while I prepare for this break,
but we're doing a few more here just in case.
You're burned, faggot.
Ooh, I like it.
I like exact times.
It's exactly 1 a.m.
Such a mess.
You don't even know it's 1 o'clock in the morning.
God.
Stay there.
Um, I want to just, uh, recalling here that we had the problem with the urinating in the bed, you know.
I haven't peed in the bed.
I think maybe once when I was 20 I did in college.
It freaked me out.
I was like, what the fuck am I pissing in the bed again?
I think I was just under a lot of stress.
It was finals time.
Um, but, uh, what happens now is if I have to piss.
He's bragging on me.
if i'm in the middle of a good dream and i have to piss i always find myself like in the dream
looking for a bathroom and i can't find it like i'll be in a building and i'll be all over and
like where's the bathroom where's the bathroom you know that that subconscious mental block
saying you can't piss yourself so just imagine like yeah you know i mean and uh also if i gotta
take a shit there's one time i had to take a shit i guess when i wanted to sleep and i was dreaming
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Thanks for everyone who's listening Don't go anywhere I got more show coming at ya More people joining Maybe we can even get Dwight to join if he gets home That'd be great That'd be awesome I'll be right back in a few Give me like 8 minutes alright Enjoy yourselves Urinate Get a cigarette in you Make a sandwich I'm gonna go get some ice cream
Prank Call Nation
Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.
I say, is there a toilet?
Here
No, this is a haberdashery. There is a toilet at the post office next door.
Thank you
Are you not well?
My balls, I lose and I feel feverish.
The bathroom is at the post office, but I think you need a doctor.
Yes, where is the doctor's office?
The doctor's office is close from the Pyongyang International House of Culture.
Thank you. I ache all over.
You are not well.
Can I get an injection there?
Yes. Our hospitals have the most modern amenities.
I hope to see a lift. I am too tired to walk the stairs.
Yes.
What is the cost of the hospital?
Cost is nothing. We don't pay for the medical care.
We believe it is criminal offense to profit from illness.
That is logical. Thank you for your assistance.
We know well that if we defend socialism, we'll enjoy victory and happiness.
And on the contrary, if we abandon it, we'll suffer defeat.
No challenge and no difficulty can shake the conviction of socialist Korea.
Toll free at 1-888-278-8509.
You know what? I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.
So when you die, you open that trap door at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.
Madhouse Radio is back.
You are bigger than a woman. You are better than a woman.
We'll always be behind you.
Do not let a woman, ever, ever, make you who you are.
You know, technically, I'm not even really supposed to be here right now.
I'm seeing here who has made it with me
Matt Don
You guys there?
Gentlemen?
Anybody?
Uh oh
Oh I see why
I hit the wrong one
Oops
Okay here we go
Got you back
Alright
Dwight you make it?
Is that you?
Yes
Yay big Dwight
How was wrestling?
Were there any terrorist attacks?
Uh no
Other than one bhenchod
One bhenchod was wrestling
It's echoing
Disgusting
Well they're uh
I just heard they really like wrestling out there uh the aforementioned people are all here
I presume in some form or fashion I'm here good good yeah jump on Dwight I'll let you on unless
you're tired and taking a night off
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Y'all want the producer up in the video dancing and shit?
Remember coming to Death Row, man.
You don't want the producers up in there fucking shit up.
I guess I'll open the video.
Right.
Death Row, nigga.
I'll open the songs.
I don't think you ever watch the show called The Pound House on YouTube.
It's really good.
It's by the comedian Doug Pound.
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Call me a gas station
We've got incoming calls coming short
Dwight, take this incoming call
You're back
Thank you for calling customer service, how may I assist you?
Thank you for calling customer service
I will provide you the best customer service available at the time
How may I assist you?
Okay, I want to take off the do not call list
Okay, so we want to take you off of the do not call list
We can help you out with that, no problem
6-4-3-9
6-4-3-9, okay, because that is absolutely the last two.
We'll go ahead and take you off of the do not call list, which then by default puts you on the call list.
You understand that, right?
You understood everything I just said?
No, I don't want to be called no more.
It is 10-30, quarter to 11 here, and I've been called eight times.
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She's the stupid one.
She doesn't know what she's talking about.
Hey, Carlito, I sent you the thing on Facebook.
Oh, right.
The dope beats.
Okay.
You don't need to watch it.
I saw the picture.
It was the same picture.
I saw it.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so there were dicks.
Okay, so I feel a little better.
You know, I don't feel like retching as much.
That isn't real penis, right?
That's fake?
I don't know, dude.
That's crazy.
Yo, let's see.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I gotcha on my contact list
it shows you as being online
and active right now
speaking of which, Mr. Matt
have you enabled dark mode on YouTube?
do you know how to do that?
I know of it, yeah, it's like the gaming mode
I don't do it
whenever I'm watching YouTube
I'm not laying in bed doing it like if I'm watching YouTube it's usually full screen you know so there's no point in doing yeah but it's slick like yeah I know there's like programs that'll make your shit darker or whatever while you're sleeping time
Hello? Quick trip?
Oh hey how you doing honey baby?
Stupid Carlo
Really? Just a naughty baby?
No need for me to do that.
Hey, Brad was in the chat a minute ago.
Did you add him to this new call?
I did and he left it.
He left it, so...
Oh, okay.
So he's like, I'm not doing shit. I got a lady friend.
Fuck you, Squares.
I'm not on right now. That's what he's saying.
That's what he's trying to say.
Yeah, cool. Alright.
What do you usually do about now?
What should I be doing?
Oh, I would have been off the air by now.
I started late. Here we go.
Customer service, my name is Meeb. How can I help you?
Hello.
Hello.
Meeb.
You're acting weird tonight.
Weird calls are fun.
What's that fun? Let's do a late show. Let's do eight hours.
I'm just looking at Dom the Bomb with his Lebanese eyebrows now.
Some of my favorite Carlito calls are the silly ones.
Silly's good. Silly's always good.
customer service my name is still a how can i help you hello hello hello would you like to be
removed from the call list yeah why did it take you so long to say something oh my god stupid it's
like plenty these people i tell you no you don't have to keep hitting two jesus christ do you have
number two
ma'am hello i have to give you a confirmation number
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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My name is Rape. How can I help you?
Pardon me?
My name is Rape. How can I help you?
Yeah, well, I don't know. The phone call rang. It said I'd press 1. I'd get an operator.
Oh, yeah, sure, yeah. Did you want to get the code? It's for a $50 gift certificate to Wal-Mart.
No, I want to tell you, I want to speak to your supervisor. You're calling, doing a call number, and this is 11 o'clock, 1130 here.
I'm calling Div.
I'm gonna put you through to the supervisor. His name is Ryan. Just a moment, please.
Go ahead, not Ryan.
Oh, am I being mistoken? How you doing there?
Hi, I'm fine.
You don't like our service?
I'm not very happy. It's 1130 and I've got about four of these calls tonight.
What are you doing?
And this is a do not call number.
What are you doing? What are you doing tonight?
Were you asleep? Were you asleep?
Did it really bother you? I hate to bother good folks like you.
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One day when he's coming back, I thought like I thought it was the star star tip driver, but it's not
Yeah, and then he dropped the whole machine the box, you know what crash I'll pull the plug on it
Well, we tried that sir. That was the first thing we tried
Electricity pull the plug and don't plug it back in it's become we waited 30 seconds and then we plugged it back in
Have you heard about AI sir? Why?
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Dougie Fresh You're On
This is your last and only chance
Hey Carlito I can give you um let's see hang on what are my contacts I don't even know how to do
contacts on new no on the new skype I don't just know how to see my contacts I'm seeing the recent
Hey, Dwight, will you look for that?
Dwight, so did you follow your diet?
Did you have some popcorn, a hot dog?
I can't hear you over the music, sir.
Did you just stop that?
You hear me now?
Yes.
Did you have a nice hot dog or anything?
Popcorn?
Yeah, I ate before I went because they were expensive.
Very expensive there.
And you couldn't have beer because you were with your niece?
Well, no, I was driving, of course.
Why did you stop driving and stop beer drinking?
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
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Have you got the machine off?
I don't know. I tried to.
I pulled the plug out five times.
But it didn't seem to do anything.
Is it still calling these busy
bodies living? I don't know. It's weird. You know, I pulled the plug
out and it still kept calling.
It's like it's
becoming self-aware
they call it.
Yeah, I think so.
We're going to have to bow down
to the robot masters.
Ma'am, can you bow down?
Five incoming. Stand by.
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Rich Port Taco Bell
How can I help you?
The daily special is a $5 buck box
Taco Bell?
Hello?
Who is this?
Who's calling me?
Hello, sir
Your daily special is a $5 buck box
A nacho cheese burrito
Where are you?
Everyone left, here's one
Customer service, my name is
Customer service, my name is
How can I help you?
I would like to get on the do not call list
Uh, that's not us
We don't do the do not call list
They told me to press 2
What are you doing here?
You are not supposed to get calls this late we are supposed to be calling Australia right now
Is that in New Zealand perhaps ?
Is it in New Roi or New Mexico by any chance?
Yeah we operate in New Zealand Hong Kong and Australia right now
Well I'm in the USA
Oh Lord what should we do about this?
How do I fix this?
I don't know.
Do you have access to the computer?
I'm going to connect three more people.
Is he anywhere near Roy, New Mexico?
My name is Machine.
How can I help you?
Is this the Farmington Police Department?
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah, this is Vic Mackey.
Is this the Farmington Police Department?
Yes, my name is Detective Vic Mackey.
How can I help you?
It's Keith.
Yes, Detective Vic Mackey.
Yes, I'm his partner, Cletus Van Dam.
How may we help you?
I'm calling in because you assholes keep calling here, and I want to stop.
That's curse talk.
I know. The last guy called you a jackass. I'm calling you an asshole.
Yeah, no need for cursing, sir.
If you want anything done, you need to talk to Officer Acevedo. He's the man behind the plan.
We all think you're a motherfucker, so how about that, then?
Yeah, I am.
Okay, all right.
You think you're the bee's knees, but you ain't shit.
What are you going to do to my mother, motherfucker, you?
Don't you start with me.
Yeah, you think your shit don't stink?
Yeah.
Well, I'm in complete and complete contact with you shortly.
All right, cool.
Well, I'm friends with Shane Vandrell, so I'm good.
You ain't cheap or shit.
Well, I'm friends with Detective Wims, Detective Wagonback.
You ain't a detective either.
But Wagonback's kind of an asshole.
Yeah, you are an asshole.
Wagonback tried to fuck Mackie's ex-wife.
That's a known fact.
I know.
I heard you laughing down in the background about somebody else calling you a jackass.
Are you an old prospector by any chance?
Or maybe a cookie?
When you go on disability, do you get that accent with the card?
I shot some of the name of Stinky Pete.
Did all my people say the exact same thing at the exact same time?
Like three times in a row?
Dude, look.
A STUPID MOTHERFUCKER HE'S CALLING ME STINKY PETE WAS THE SEAL ON FUCKING SEA LAB 2021
HEY THERE STINKY PETE
IS THIS THE FARMINGTON POLICE YES YOU'VE CALLED THE BARN HOW CAN WE HELP YOU
I JUST FINISHED REWATCHING THAT WHOLE UH THAT WHOLE SERIES
IT'S A GOOD SHOW TO DO THAT WITH
WE'RE GONNA DO THAT WITH THE WIRES
It's so good. The Wires. I think I need to do that someday. It's really good.
I just got done with Oz, believe it or not.
That's what I did. I was way late to the game too, but I watched Oz and then I watched The Wire. So go in The Wire now.
You guys go watch The Shield. You're going to watch that? It's good.
I don't know because Shields was regular TV, so I'm a little leery when it's censored still.
It's censored, what?
Yeah, I mean it's not HBO show right?
The Wire.
Oh, The Wire.
Not The Wire, I'm sorry.
The Shield's close.
It was on FX.
Oh, The Shield or something.
Yeah, The Shield was FX.
Yeah, yeah.
Like it's still like…
They talked about dick sucking and how to mouthful.
I don't know, maybe I'll give it a whirl.
The things in it right?
The things in it.
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I'm Drinking Old Style
Is your last name Gallagher?
No, it's Illich
Oh, it's funny
because I knew some Gallaghers
and they were so scummy
it'd be great
I ran into foul times with them
We find out after all these years
his real name is not Illich
I don't know
I think I picked something cool
Yeah, are you looking for a mobile home?
No
What do you mean no, motherfucker?
I'm not looking for a mobile home.
No, I'm not looking for one.
No, this ain't Donald. This is Mark.
Quit calling me names, man. You know what time it is.
You just don't give a shit.
Don't give me no shit, motherfucker.
What?
If you did come over here, don't ever call me a motherfucker.
Motherfucker.
You little motherfucker.
Motherfucker.
I love I love the super angry and then the hang up it makes no sense
if you ever did come over here don't call me names don't call me a motherfucker
it's so stupid
motherfucker oh that's uh these are dr punchy numbers i'm doing here while we wait for some
Mark Halls
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
I just keep skipping around I'm not even going in fucking order anymore
I was like oh this was a funny show I'm gonna edit this real quick oh yeah incoming it's great
and then I realized I remember how big of a clusterfuck it is to edit incoming
that ding dong means incoming but I didn't get to it in time
you're a you're a fucking ding dong commercial pressure washer here for Matt's asshole
wire me just fucking read me out I recommended that to Artie one time he said he was with that
One Stinky Pussy Woman
I said take her to the car wash
and use the power
push her on her
real far away
fire hose
she was black
and used a fire hose on her
hello
please leave a message
how would people react
if as a prank
we got black people
to turn a fire hose
we
had
we turned a fire hose
on a black guy
on YouTube
just to see how
people react
hey
Carlito
I shared the
wiki of
Jack Valente
ok
cause people were asking
who that was
earlier
I'm talking too much
That's my job dude
We got organ, a free organ
Sexual organ
Thank you punchy
Can they show us the organ
I would send a call
We need to see the organ
You can leave your message after the tone
See that was correct
After the tone
That's the correct way to do it Am I the am I the only one thinks that's a weird saying at the tone
It's really it's after this
Immediately
They're there you beep and you'd have a very small time
You know, if you're gonna shoot someone you're like, you know, what do we shoot one to shoot on three or shoot?
See three this you that's shooting on three
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
I still say somebody try a fucking Indian voice because I guarantee these hicks will get mad as shit at a fucking guy named Indian.
I like doing it, but I have to do it now.
Thank you for calling customer service.
Yeah, we'll do that.
Customer service, my name is TickTack and I hope you...
Hello?
Hello, motherfucker.
Hello?
Please leave your message after the tone.
Here's another incoming...
Oh, there it went.
We've got a side-by-side fridge here.
And there it goes.
There it goes.
Uh, side-by-side fridge machine.
Grandpa used to like to joke, and when my grandma wouldn't catch on to it, he would just look over his head and say,
There goes another one.
Like, as if something's flying by.
He'd be off another day.
This silly broad doesn't know what I'm talking about.
You have reached the voicemail box.
No, he wouldn't drink her. I wish he would've.
It was, like, back in the day after World War II and shit.
A person looking for someone to do heavy-duty sandblasting.
Did you just say duty?
Duty.
You've got to be like an octopus at the moment, man.
Incoming call.
You've got incoming calls.
You've got music going in and out.
You guys have called me for some kind of redemption.
It's midnight where I live.
Congratulations, you've won.
Congratulations.
That's awesome.
Take me off the list.
It's midnight.
We have the whole team here, ma'am.
We're all here. Congratulations. We're so happy, everybody.
Oh, man.
We stayed awake. We stayed awake because you truly are a winner.
You there, dear?
Oh, she hung up. She hung up a while ago.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
She hung up before they left.
Hey, shout out to Weezy.
Hello, congratulations. How can we help you?
How many damn people are on this?
Yeah, you won, sir. You won.
Yeah, you won.
Congratulations.
You won the grand prize, sir.
Hey, you know, it's fucking midnight, right?
Well, yeah, you should be happy.
It shouldn't matter what time it is.
He won.
If I ever found you, I'd chop your fucking dick off and slam it down your throat, you dumb motherfucker.
Oh, promises.
I'll never call this fucking number again, you dipshit piece of fuck.
But then how will you get the prize, dumbass?
Yeah, you're going to want to see the prize.
Hello?
How can you see the prize if I'm a eunuch?
I think he blushed after he made his curse words, eh?
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
So if someone does not get his or her insurance, he is Foley.
So if someone does not get his or her insurance, he is Foley.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
My dick, is that what you just said?
Okay, fine. The computer's just going to keep calling you stupid shit.
Okay, you know how hard it is to unplug the phone, you dumb shit?
Okay, but when you unplug, you have to plug in the phone again at some point.
Fucking idiot.
And we'll just call your secondary number, presuming that's your cell phone.
So I'm going to switch you over right now, actually, to cell phone calling.
Oh, you can switch me over, can't you?
Yeah, I'm doing it now. You're going to start getting the calls on your cell phone.
So you can shut that off, too. What are you going to shut off after that?
Oh, yeah, that's really easy where I on my cell phone. I just hit a button where it says reject and then
I'll ring that fucking doorbell. I got I got that guy knew the government
That's funny. Here he is. Dwight's gonna help you. Thank you for calling the Church of Scientology customer service hotline. How can I help you?
Are you here because your thetan levels are high? You didn't catch when they
I ran out of punchy numbers. That's fine. No problem. No need to say that anymore because I'm going to be wrapping things up here in a few weeks.
Let's see if I can find a store I can call this late at night. Oh, McDonald's. McDonald's isn't funny.
Let's see, call like Gwamers, Saipan, McDonald's.
Thank you for calling customer service. How can I help you?
Thank you for calling customer service. How can I help you?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I would like to speak to a supervisor who will assist you, maybe better.
No, you're an animal.
I am supervisor. I assist better.
What?
I assist better. I am supervisor.
My name is Rajiv. My name is Rajiv.
Well, you are retarded for calling me at midnight and waking me up, you stupid asshole.
Ma'am, I am not retarded. I am Indian.
Big difference. Not really.
Damn, that lady really didn't like retards.
Yeah, she's really anti-retardist.
What the fuck are you doing Baz?
What the fuck man?
Why would you ever watch Gandhi until you're charged?
So apparently Gandhi
snuck away while his father
was dying to have sex with his
Who did? Gandhi
snuck away, he was at his father's bedside
and his father was on his dying breaths
and he was a
sex addict and he had to have sex with his
wife and he came back
and instead he missed it
And it became so overcome a grief over that that he swore off a sex at the age of 30 something
But he would still lay naked in bed with young beautiful
Huh, I was I was just thinking I think it's old nice song
I said the Don D who and watch a Gandhi the love charge
I've never seen I said the Don Pete watching going to tell us a dominoes
Riding In My Book It Rhymes All The Words Past The Margin
Play Me At Night They Won't Act Right
The Beat Of Hip Hop Has Got Me Stuck Like A Crackpot
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
No, I don't...
The pizza slider is okay.
It gave me a little bit of heartburn.
The pizza slider is the one with the provolone.
Yeah, but I'm telling you...
Okay, but the chicken slider, in my opinion, is the best one.
It seems to be the longest to take, I guess,
because you have to fry the patty, probably, when it gets called up.
Yeah, it takes five minutes in the fryer for the chicken tender,
and then we just put it together.
We just got our new procetta sandwiches,
You should press 5 dude
Press 5
Like a real man
Can we sign you up?
No, he won't do it. He's a pussy. He won't do it. Come on motherfucker. Yeah, press five two and you get the special service
He's not intelligent enough. What?
You can kiss my ass. Press five two. Did you scratch your head while you were saying that?
He's trying to think of a good thing to say. Stick your tongue out a little bit and scratch your head and squint
And then he's like, you know what? I'll tell you what, you can kiss my ass
What should I say? Hang on
I got one.
You press 5-2 and you get a free order of grits.
Do you want some grits?
They're good for your hair slot.
If you press 6, you can come up with a better comeback.
He's gone. He's gone.
Yeah, I hear the boop boop.
I got this next one.
Here it is. Green boot.
Oh, this is green ink.
Customer service, how may I help you?
Clear, clear, clear. Here's the next one.
Still on it.
customer service how may I help you would you like to be removed from the do not call list yes please do you call okay okay I will put you on the call list thus removing you from the do not call list you just had you only hit get one request with this call sir and we just put you on the call list and removed you from the do not call list I put you on and if you call again I'm gonna you guys again it's midnight and you guys have I'm sorry sir but you got
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
What are you calling at this time of the night?
I don't know why you guys are calling us. It's like something, I don't know what's going on.
Hey, no, we're not calling you. This is the third time you guys call us.
Yeah, it's like saying like, do you want us to place you on a no-call list?
Like it's a solicitor, like pushing two to say don't pick and while we can...
Okay, no, no, no, just don't call me. Put me on that.
We're not calling you. We're pushing. You're calling us.
No, no, no, I'm not. I'm not. This is the third time that you wake me up.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
And where are you at?
I'm in New Mexico
Where in New Mexico?
Well I'm here in Farmington too
Yeah I literally achieved something and to keep pushing too
Yeah okay well I don't know what's going on man I'm sorry
You probably keep calling I'll probably shut off my phone
Okay okay sorry bro bye
You guys calling me this late at night
That was unacceptable
That was awesome
I was trying to frame one of them as if he was our employee
I'm like oh he believes you just keep going
I left. Yeah, I got where you're going.
I turned it down and it was really good.
It went back and forth for so long.
Back, back.
No, you called us. No, you called me.
When I was in like the 7th or 8th grade
when call waiting or three-way calling first came out,
like I had so much fun just calling stores and doing the...
Oh, how can I help you? Hello?
Customer service, how can I help you? Hello?
Look, you either acknowledge his phone call
with the customer service representative or you fuck off.
Talk, motherfucker, you.
Bam, that's two very bold choices.
Come on, talk.
Whose world is this?
This world is mine.
Yeah, you're just sucking up all of my air over here, bitch.
That's such a good album, man.
That's been running through my head a lot lately, and the fucking infamous.
I always find myself listening to that song during hot summer days.
That song in One in a Million by Pete Rock.
I could queue up that album.
What did you have for dinner, Carlito? What did you have for dinner?
I made a dirty Cajun rice and...
That's a call coming in.
A lime oregano...
That's a call coming in.
Customer service, my name is Pork. How can I help you?
Do not call this number again.
Hey, wait a minute.
I want to be off your list.
Why? Why not? What happened?
This time of night, forget it.
Well, I just received...
I've been bothered with this phone call. Forget it.
I just received a phone call here. It came to me, and I picked it up.
Bitch.
You know?
Take me off of this, please.
But why? But why?
Yeah, I had chicken fajitas. Let me eat chicken fajitas for dinner.
Yeah.
Nice, chicken fajitas. Good stuff, man. Some good eating. Congratulations, man.
How did you stuff them? What did you do there?
Not just bell peppers cut up. I cut up the chicken, and I threw it all into the air fryer.
What is an air fryer, buddy?
Oh, dude, air fryer's awesome.
You gotta get that, Matt.
You don't know about that?
Oh, yeah, they're fucking awesome.
You cook your food in, like, I think it's, like, a third of the time.
Is it, like, just a tabletop thing?
Sir, my name is Butter.
How can I help you?
Butters.
Hello?
Hello?
Yes, my name is Butter.
How can I help you?
You called me, you fucking fucker.
Hey, hey, hey.
All right, does it need for that, sir?
I'm just trying to help you.
Hello?
Yes, hello?
Hello?
Yes.
Hello? Hello? Hello? How can I help you? Hello? You called me. What do you want? Well, I'm here. Hello? I hear you. Yes. You calling me. I just picked up the phone. How can I help you? No, you called me. My phone rang. My phone rang. I'm picking up this phone. That's what happened. I don't know. It's the fourth fucking time. Hello, customer service? Yes. Can you please take me off your calling list? Oh, I'm sorry. What?
And would you get me off your calling list if it's three calls I can't?
Shut up, bitch. It's my turn. You wait your turn.
Yeah, she was a little mouthy. I'm sorry, sir. What was your problem?
She was really rude. Can you help me get off the calling list, please?
Oh, I think for a gentleman like you, certainly.
I mean, I'm looking at this goddamn air fryer.
Customer service. How may I help you?
Just temperature control.
Okay, you guys got to tell me, what does this air fryer do?
Customer service.
Hello. Hello. Hi, I've had a couple phone calls in the last couple minutes, so I was just requesting not to get any more phone calls. Ma'am. Uh-huh. It is 1215 here. You have called twice. I'm trying to sleep. I don't appreciate late calls like this when somebody is trying to sleep. Would you not call again? I got calls too. How many people are online? I can hear you and I can hear another person talking.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
So air fryers, guys, basically, it's like frying, it goes in a convex oven, look at the thing, so you use way less oil.
I'm looking at the pictures.
So where do you put the oil? I'm looking at it. Where do you put the oil?
You would put it on your food. Like, you would just drizzle, like, several ounces of tablespoon.
So you just, like...
Customer service, my name is Ass, how can I help you?
Okay, were you redeeming, or did you want help with the phone?
No
Okay, if you want to go to bed, I can help you out with that
I can get the calls to stop
Do you have some milk in your microwave to drink to calm down?
Yeah
Get me on calling
Hey, I'm saying you can have yourself a little tug on the old pecker there too
It'll calm you down a little bit, you know?
Yeah
We're doing ambient sounds to lull you to sleep
I just got ambient yesterday, I haven't taken one yet
Let me take an ambient
Then we'll end the show
End the show in style
Here's an incoming call for whoever
How would you like to try one of our double sided dildos today?
Yes, I would. When can you deliver it?
It usually delivers within three to seven days.
All right. Can we use your credit card?
No, not my credit card.
I would need your credit card and your social security number for security purposes.
Well, OK. Well, you'll just have to dream one up for me and that'll do.
TheFNDC.com
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
You said you had something for me at Wal-Mart Yes, so you want a $100 Visa gift voucher then That's presented by Arby's What is it? That's a $100 Visa gift voucher, sir No, I don't think so You don't think so? Why not, sir? Clear, clear, clear Uh, Carlito, it's not live at all Yeah, I see No No, I don't think so Oh, wait, wait There's another link that claims it's live Hang on, let me go to this It says
45 people or what?
Yeah, no, it's 45, 44 now.
Here's an incoming call for Baz, I guess.
What? Hey, hello.
Okay, I think we're still running.
Customer service, this is Snotswap.
Customer service, this is Baz. How can I help you?
Yes, how, ma'am, how are you?
What do you want?
Oh, what do you want, ma'am? We're here to help you.
You reached customer service.
I don't need your help. All I need is for you to take me off your list.
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Madhouse Live
Maddy Talking Dirty To The Ladies
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Calls Ended by Remote
Here's a Store
I don't get it. I can usually get to Church of Scientology
and go to go pretty good. They start getting pissed
and tell me I'm leaving.
Hey, how you doing, honey baby?
Hello?
Hi, honey baby. How are you doing?
Hi, how are you? Hi, honey, baby. How are you doing?
So you've got a wrong number, okay? No, no, no. This is Sergeant Mesa. Hello.
She called you. Sergeant Mesa.
I'm Sergeant Mesa tonight.
Is that like Dr. Nargas? Yeah. Sergeant Mesa.
I just edited those NORAD calls from this year. Some of them are pretty fun.
Track of Captain Crunch's awesome pictures.
She's not picking up.
Here are two incoming calls.
Let's do it.
Hey, how do you say there, you old flapjack bastard?
What's the problem?
Oh, nothing.
What do you mean nothing?
I hear you guys are going to hand me a $100 voucher or something.
Huh?
No, you pay us $100.
You owe us $100 now.
From Walmart?
Yeah, you owe us $100.
Are you going to owe you $100?
Yeah, because this is a scam call.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, so, yeah, we bill you $100.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Subtitled by
Paul
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Correction
I'm sorry, okay, please I can report you to the police. No. No, don't call the police. No, please
No, well, you have to be nice. Okay, if you need help, then I will willing to help you but don't
I'm not your honey. Do you have okay? Do you have peck peck there? I will call the store worker
But will you stop me? I stopped saying that honey, baby. Okay, I'm not your honey. Okay, honey, baby
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Tick Tock Tick Tock
I don't understand that. It depends on the dialect.
I just watched too many like creepy like European sex perverts go and see little fucking kids over there and then say they're down for the peck peck.
The other day I was on hold with like some lady some medical shit and like we had to call another person and they put me on hold.
Pursuit of the
I was saying this music garbage it's not like the good cisco music and I was telling the lady that I put the cisco music and I went in there and I put it on cheek
That's the guy that I got into the argument earlier about the
She went and looked at it and said like oh my god you actually said that to me
So I thought it was funny over the cisco hold music making friends
Should we uh we can keep going I still have some energy in me did I take that ambient I don't know
No don't take it
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
We'll talk, we'll talk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here's a 14 from John.
Welcome to Verizon Wireless.
There it goes, and there it went.
Goes, there it went.
There it went.
I guess we can wrap it up.
I don't think any more calls are coming from producer.
Producer, if you're around.
Is the bot sleeping for the evening?
I think the bot shut you down.
That's nice that it doesn't keep, like, I would just leave that thing and keep going.
Oh, but.
And just collect.
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
It's very interesting. I like this music.
It's really good music. I figure you'd like it.
I just like groovy. You know what kind of groovy shit I like.
He's trying to entertain me.
Good job. You still got over 100 goddamn people.
How many people? I didn't even look and see how many people were on this alert.
106 right now.
Oh, okay.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, hi, honey baby. I'm sorry about calling earlier and calling you honey baby.
I told you. Stop calling me honey baby, okay?
Okay, can you...
This is a certain I'm going to call the police, okay?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
It does. Oh my god, it's amazing.
What country is this? Yeah, it probably is.
Yes, hi. How are you, honey baby?
Hello?
How can I help you?
Yes, I was just talking to that other honey baby, and she was getting upset at me.
Okay, yeah, because you keep saying honey baby.
Yeah, I just...
How can I help you?
My name is Sergeant Mesa, and I get really attracted to Asian women, specifically Filipino women.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Just imagine when that egg dried on.
Sounds like a good idea.
Yeah, it does for like three minutes maybe.
And then it's this gross sticky.
It's going to get whipped.
It's going to crack an egg on her head.
Get the egg white all whipping up, you know.
Custard.
You'd be baking a custard pie.
Honey baby.
Even she didn't like honey baby.
That was on manager.
She doesn't like honey baby.
Here's the grill.
We're calling a restaurant.
I'm good.
Hi, honey baby.
How are you?
You got the wrong number, sir.
No, is this the grill?
It is.
Oh, and what was your name?
Would you want to speak to me?
It's a honey baby.
The beautiful girl that works there.
Who?
The beautiful Asian girl that works there.
I love Asian girls that give me an erection.
My name is Sergeant Mesa.
How are you?
Very good, sir.
Oh, good.
You want me to do some push-ups for you?
I can help you if you want to place an order, sir.
Do you have eggs?
Yes, we do.
I'd like to order one egg.
How do you want that, sir?
I would like that cooked. Cooked eggs, please.
Hard, over hard, sunny side up, scrambled?
Uh, with heat.
Excuse me?
Heat? With heat? Heat?
Transfer you to the right, sir.
I hope it's a man because you're a stupid woman.
Sergeant Mason, they don't like to be called by their name.
They really don't.
I'm calling Guam. I'm tired.
So disrespectful.
Do another call on the side.
Hey, honey, baby, how are you?
How are you?
Gain animal shelter.
Yeah, animal shelter. How are you, honey?
Hello, sir.
Hi, honey, baby, how are you?
Actually, I don't appreciate how you're talking to me, sir,
but I can give you the manager if you want to speak with the manager.
Well, hurry up, stupid.
Excuse me?
You have no right to call anybody, stupid.
Okay, honey, I'm sorry, baby, sweetie, honey.
Go ahead.
Hello, animal shelter?
Yes.
Hi, is this Animal Shelter?
Yes, it is.
Okay, I'm looking to have an animal put there.
It's a woman.
It's a female named Honey Baby.
I want her to be put in a cage.
I'm Honey Baby.
I want her to be put in a cage.
It's their cage.
I'm sorry, can you repeat that?
There's a woman named Honey Baby.
I have her on the phone.
And I want her to be put in the cage and locked up.
Don't do that here.
Because she's an animal.
She's disgusting.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Laugh Track Matt
Discord.gg4
Pranks
MadhouseLive.com
This is a lot of links
and we'll forget most of those.
How is the
people keep talking to me about this part
is it like really that cool?
It's neat. I don't know.
It's more active than any other chat.
Is it better than the next chat?
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
www.baz.net
I'm pretty good, I've had some Canadian whiskey and other things.
Alright, I'm just going to have to you guys, Dwight is making a drink.
That's a great scene, I love that scene.
Alright, see you.
Great scene in the...
Madhouse Live
You got the human race
I'll be back in a few weeks.
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