The NOC
25 Aug 2017 · 3 h 19 min · 13,609 words · source
Calls (20, 58 min of 3 h 19 min)
- Whole Foods customer service confrontation live 31 s clip ↓
- 7-Eleven caller asking about store status live 33 s clip ↓
- 7-Eleven corporate office check-in live 2.3 min clip ↓
- Walmart customer service manager live 10.8 min clip ↓
- 7-Eleven supervisor terminates employee live 2.1 min clip ↓
- 7-Eleven store manager about book 12B live 3.8 min clip ↓
- Walmart network outage center prank live 12.8 min clip ↓
- Skype message playback playback 6.6 min clip ↓
- China Metro prank call live 48 s clip ↓
- Call Nation Madhouse Live prank call live 33 s clip ↓
- Power generator seller in Colorado live 1.6 min clip ↓
- Diesel generator power outage call live 1.3 min clip ↓
- Rick Harrison prank about portrait voicemail 6.3 min clip ↓
- Amazon customer support prank live 2.6 min clip ↓
- Holsters called about monkey house live 1.3 min clip ↓
- Kevin Smith prank call live 33 s clip ↓
- Hyatt O'Hare Chicago customer service live 2.1 min clip ↓
- Message for 956 about garden pests voicemail 33 s clip ↓
- Madhouse Live caller about Kevin Smith ID live 33 s clip ↓
- National Hurricane Service hurricane update live 33 s clip ↓
Transcript
You know you're talking to Whole Foods, right?
We're a grocery store.
Yeah, and you know that your company was bought out by Amazon.
Okay, this is not Amazon.
I cannot help...
Well, they're not picking up.
I'm sorry that you got the Amazon business.
They're not picking up.
You have to call Amazon.
Stop interrupting me when I'm talking, you bitch.
Call me a bitch.
Okay, I'm going to hang up on you.
Bitch.
Call me a bitch.
Cunt.
And you can talk to Amazon.
Cunt.
Dumb bitch.
Can't even hang up the phone.
I'm not playing no fucking games, bitch.
I fucked you, son of a bitch.
Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The
You say something now hello something something something
This is still echoing. Yeah. Hello. Hello. I know how to fix it. What do I do?
There's a way to fix it there's a way to fix it I think that I turn this one down right now now right now
Hello. Hello test test test seems good. Okay. There we go. I just yeah, okay
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Carlito Madhouse Live
I changed that your picture maybe I don't have you added on okay and
Carlito hey that's me in place just joined hey clay fry clay finally made it
amen uh Zach's what is your tiny chat that
you're broadcasting video on oh wait I couldn't get in the work we're just in
Skype yeah we can try we can try it let's let's just do it it'll be fun
TINYCHAT.COM
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Lina
Skype
No No No No No No No
Haven't for many years
The Lifetime Bomb
Uh No he doesnt cause he's uh
It's it's seems to be like I can't buy minutes like the minute i buy it completely
The minute I make one call it completely kills it
Dude that happened, it happened to me I got like
Hello
They like to do it right after you pay a ton of money and like shut it down
But it seems like knock on fucking wood
Hello
Hello
Is anyone there
Sounded like someone picked up.
Yeah, I think there was somebody there for a second.
Yeah.
I'm calling in a radius around Corpus Christi, Texas.
I'm trying to get some 7-Elevens online.
Because usually these motherfuckers don't close.
They're just like, we're fucking staying.
We're here.
People need to buy fucking shit.
We need hurricanes.
We're sold out of everything, but we're here.
That's usually the way it goes.
But I imagine with them.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
This was really funny because it's just...
Hello, we are not available now.
Please leave your name.
The caller says you know who he is.
I'm trying to find...
How far back do you think I have to...
How far inland should I go here, guys?
Do you think 30 miles would do it?
Do you think 30 miles, you're not evacuating, you're hunkering down?
How many do the game show sing and go with 31?
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I like Trace of Death. I was just talking about that last night. Trace of Death were like the real thing because Face of Death is a lot of stage. It's a lot of bunk.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
Tons of it is.
Well, tons of it is, but they were like real executions. They show those executions and shit like that.
The executions.
No, executions, executions. They'd be like in South America somewhere.
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I guess so the only time it's okay unless the ag gag laws get a hold of you can you kill a chicken you can kill a chicken right on film or would that be a deal I've seen it on TV I want to say I think it's sent to Sankara hey it's good to hey real quick I just want to mention real quick Jack TV it's good to have you on it's been a while since the you know everything went down the great schism it's good to have you back yes it's great to be here I appreciate y'all Jack has Jack has bended the knee and I have
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I turned off the first episode I didn't make it uh how did you not get into the first episode
no I just I don't know it's it's Game of Thrones is like professional time wasting you watch one
episode you look at the damn clock and it's five hours later yeah to see my story with it I put it
off old and timey shit that I don't like I don't like there's no computers I don't give a fuck I
I had never read the books, but I had a friend that had read the books, so I was, okay, but, yeah, true, but I heard the first season on HBO was amazing, and I was putting it off, and then it was right when my mom died, and I just needed an escape, so I said, all right, let me just try this Game of Thrones thing, and it was like the most perfect thing, I was like, fuck yeah, I completely just delved into the world of it.
Madhouse Live
season 1 was pretty good
I was like wow that is a pretty good
but season 2 dude I am fucking floored
it is the most blasphemous show
I've ever seen on cable television
and if you watch it you know
exactly what I'm talking about when they start
kind of looking at God and Jesus
and some of the other stories
it's amazing
it reminds me I was watching a porn this week
at random and
it was an
Italian porn
and the guy
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm
read
about
shit
dude
imagine
brother
Carlos
doing
that
come
on
demon
of
frigidity
you
come
out
this
woman
okay
this
guy
just
give
me
a
Florida
number
I'll
pass
it
on
to
him
I
have
some
people
Callers In The Storm
Callers In The Storm
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning provided by the Amara.org community
We had uh, we had 20 the other day for party time and then somebody did a show and like half the people left
Awww
It was fun, oh lunch time was great so yeah it was fuckin' fun
I would've been down with rock but I'd be broke to reveal that living it up my life is like a story
Heyyyy Strangely promote the new Halls of Magic Confusion
You gotta listen, never a song in a negative cuz I'm a pro and you've been listening to it
The alternate ending was released today
The alternate ending of Calls of Masked Confusion went out today.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
That's why he started talking all crazy.
Yeah, he was in a...
Well, it's like windpipe went on the steering wheel.
That's why.
Oh, man.
I have no idea about that.
I mean, he was good.
I think he was going to blow up though.
Everything's closed.
Man, there is...
Wow.
They just shut it down, huh?
Well, the governor...
My mom was telling me the governor said get out of Dodge on the news.
Did she say get out of Dodge literally?
Because that's Texas speak for...
Yeah, okay.
Now, it's serious, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, yeah, yeah.
All right.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Spaghetti
call spaghetti
what do you think they're not you got that number
she'll pick up
the spaghetti
one girl
you call spagetti for some reason i don't even know why color spagetti
anymore totally forgot
i've moved back even further into the state's com
corporate office
and then
but uh... whenever direct from column from a corporate offices is stored
on earth
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
You have children. How many fidget spinners have you bought so far?
None.
Good father.
They asked for it.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
All right, you're stupid. I agree with that
Boofers and Goofers
PLA PLA Brandon
It's got to be
We I think I remember my old number
Yeah, hi, I'm calling from Southland corporate office 7-eleven corporate. Okay, I wanted to confirm with you
Are you what's your current operational status, please? Well, are you open?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
All right.
I was Southland.
Southland corporate office.
Now
can we get a tally?
Let's say, for example, and I have a few things here that we need to check
bottle of water.
How are we doing on that there?
Let me put you on hold, real quick.
Okay.
Sure.
OK,
We're muted.
She can't hear us.
I just realized I need to be calling Walmarts with this schemo so because
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm saying I mistook it Nick mistook bat backbone for bat phone because I
was all fucked up and I was like why are you calling me about a bat phone so
that's what they call AT&T calls it the back phone no the backbone the backbone
of the network I guess yeah yeah you're actually Batman it's a not a day out so
a lot of companies have it I worked at one telecom company they call it the
Hurricane and Emergency Control Center
Ameritech and shit had NOx
and then I guess AT&T had
Backbones
For those of you who don't know what we're talking about
AT&T, Verizon
all those big telecommunications companies
they have like
it basically looks like NASA Mission Control
and they're wide
it's really fucking cool
it looks like the thing from
war games
Madhouse Live
We're doing battery work and my two guys were working really hard and I'm just bullshitting with like the old cool fucking maintenance guy and he's like you want to see the tower and shit and I went in there and I was like god damn this is fucking cool it's just so like nice and cool and dark and I was like I just want to sit up here with you guys.
My dad said, when I was a kid for some reason I wanted to be an air traffic controller, my dad's like, made fun of me because like, you know, they just went on strike because we're talking like in the 80s was that big strike. He's like, you'll never get a job in that. I mean, what a fucking dad, right? You'll never get a job. I was like, I wanted to. And you're like, you'll get tricked by goji berries. Exactly. Yeah. You'll spend the family fortune on the goji berries. Boxes of goji berries.
The Air Traffic
Controller
Seems Stressful
Yeah
Well there's that movie
I think that's where
I got the idea from
There was that movie
In the 80s
Where the dude
Like
Was an air traffic
Controller
Fucking Summer Rental
You're talking about
No it wasn't
Summer Rental
Summer Rental
Was awesome
Was it that one
He was an air traffic
Controller
And he had to go
On vacation
In the beginning
Yeah did he
Did he punch the
Thing
Because there was
A fly over it
And he's like
I got a fucking
Small plane missing
And he's winging out
And they're like
It's just a fly man
Love
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
NETWORK OUTAGE CENTER
7-11 we run the network
Corporation you're coming to check on our status as far as evacuation, correct? Yes, that's correct
We were trying to come that was in the email as well. What was that in the email? What email?
Read the email. Thank you. Have a wonderful read the email. I command you
Oh shit, I got the email, man.
I told you, she doesn't know. She's ignorant. Fucking dummy.
It was a different woman, sir, and that's why I was hoping that it would work, but...
I don't think it was. That laugh was the same.
Nah. Nah. Nah. Alright, let's find another one. This is gonna work.
Blake doesn't know what Southland is.
Well, yeah, you're right. That is pretty ignorant. Okay.
Yeah, what exactly?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Closed Captioning provided by ClosedCaptioning.com
TheFurnaceSquad
TheFurnaceSquad
What's up, big guy?
Big fan.
Weepy's in the tiny chat.
...for pickup, press 3.
Or the cat is.
...for deli, press 4.
Oh, man.
To speak to an associate, press 0.
Oh, yeah.
To repeat this menu...
Zach's is just showing me a chair.
Hello, buenos noches.
Yes, hello, buenos noches.
I'm calling from the network outage center for Walmart.
I'm calling with the corporate office.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello? Speak English, motherfucker.
Jesus.
What's up with this?
Build a wall.
Hello, yes, I'm calling from the corporate office. I'm in the network outage center. Who am I speaking with?
Alejandro from customer service.
Alejandro, okay. First of all, the gentleman who just answered the phone over there was speaking completely in Spanish. And why? And why is this?
Some of our associates don't speak English.
You gotta be kidding me.
They can understand it, but they can talk in English.
Okay, they're on the non-green card program.
Call the network outage center
We monitor the walmart system
The computer system
The network
What is your current operational status as far as the hurricane harvey machine
Let me call the manager because I don't have that information
Ok vamos
Lets go
Stupid
Alright I'm going to tell you what
I'll tell you what
Whoever free chemo is in the IRC chat
It's a really funny idea call battered women shelters to speak to your wife
Don't understand
She's gonna make me do to her
Regret it. Hey what you made me do put her on the phone. She's gonna regret
Tell her these dishes ain't gonna do them so beat every woman there. It's the best of good views for the win
Oh, that would be a cop.
I know, it would, but it's still such a funny idea.
Just thinking of some fucking guy.
Oh, what the fuck do I want?
Get abusive relationships with crazy people.
That would be a horrible call.
What the fuck do I want?
Carl!
Oh, this is taking a long time.
Eat your fucking food!
Yeah, eat your fucking food.
Right?
Yeah, you're waiting for the Walmart to get the fucking manager.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Your Local Walmart
We appreciate your business
and look forward to the opportunity
to serve you in our store.
For Pharmacy, press 1.
Hello? Hello? Is that the manager? Hello? Is this the store manager on duty? Oh, I'm on mute. Is this store manager on duty?
Uh, no, we have some assistant managers.
Okay, alright, well I'm calling from Bentonville, I'm in the network outage center, we're monitoring the situation with the hurricane machine.
Okay.
Okay, what is your current operational status?
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Thank you for calling your local Walmart.
We appreciate your business and look forward to the opportunity to serve you in our store.
For pharmacy, press 1.
For electronics, press 2.
Not as fat, do I?
Adam, did I? Did I not?
I like your, dude, you're the fucking, you're the, you're the, what do you call it, personality of the show.
Somebody else needs to do that shit.
I'm the talent?
Yeah.
That's a talent too, though.
It is, but it's like cats don't like thug as much.
They're happy to do that to me.
Yeah, I think that's great.
That's tough.
Thank you.
Thank you, Matt.
Um, well, we'll figure something out here.
Let's try.
I'm trying to remember my old number and my old house, but I can't remember anything.
Closed Captions by the Amara.org community
Party time with babies
Monday through Friday 11 and Eastern
All right, here's another seven don't work
You're the hundred we're just to be profitable nothing hundred dollars in lunar
TheFNDC.com
Can you close the store please because I want to I'm gonna come in with a bag and steal everything
I'm gonna start a fire
Hello is this door great I'm calling from the 7-eleven Southland corporate office. I'm in the network outage center. How are you?
I'm great good what is your current operational status with the storm coming in the hurricane machine I mean we're open available and going but we are definitely good are you in a mandatory evacuation zone at this no good you had any interruptions of power service machines nope okay all right at this time I think we're going to make a decision here pretty soon regarding whether or not this location is going to stay open are you in a position where you're able to close the store if we ask you to do that we need a 15 minute
No, I'm not. I'm authorized by my manager to carry on with regular as far as shutting down.
So she is authorized by her manager as far as the operations of store.
Okay, well I'm in the knock is what I'm trying to explain to you.
And when we make a decision, it's coming from the top down and this is urgent.
It's a liability issue?
Well, I feel like that would be definitely, I would have to get in contact with my manager.
She is not available at this time.
Well then what you were refusing is what you are saying?
I mean basically so because I do not understand why you are calling me and I am her manager
she should have been the first one notified by her manager.
And the number did not go through.
With what we have filed.
Huh?
What?
Do what now?
Nothing, I was talking to a customer, I am sorry I am quite busy.
Okay alright well what do you want me to tell you this is a mandatory evacuation.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Can you please confirm that?
I cannot, because I don't know what this call is.
Alpha, I need you to open up the command box in the back and pull out section 12B.
I cannot do that right now.
Why not? Why not? Why not? I'm putting you through to my supervisor.
I don't understand why you're being rude.
I'm putting you through to my supervisor, because this is ridiculous.
That's fine. Do it.
Mr. Hillock?
Yeah. Hey there, buddy.
All right.
We got more stores refusing to close?
We have another refusal to close here, and I want her written up, and I want her out of here.
What is she busy selling nachos to talk to you?
Did she open the command box?
She's refusing to open the command box and authenticate the card.
What's your name?
You can feel free to take my number down and you can feel free to fire me.
What is your name?
What is your name?
I don't care.
My name is Chastity.
Chastity?
Yeah, that's a pretty ironic name it sounds like to me.
Well, that's my name.
So if you're so familiar with 7-Eleven, then you would know.
I would know.
Yeah, you're that's that's your that you have nothing with chastity and that you spread any for everyone knows every worker
Yeah, exactly. I have all your human resources files, right?
So, you know what it doesn't bother me Buddha there's a jobs come like you wouldn't believe so therefore if that's what y'all want to
Do because I'm not abiding by y'all's instructions
And that's fine that attitude. I hereby declare you have been terminated from as a Southland 7-eleven employee
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
Call Nation Madhouse Live
So where, where's, uh, what city are you in, huh?
Yeah, so, I posted, like, a whole, like, deep Southland site ago.
It's, like, the thing about Southland is, like, you know, the biggest, one of the biggest,
largest operator, franchisor, and license, the convenience stores.
We're in 13 sevener, er, 13,000 sevener stores.
I don't know that they have a NOC, but they probably do.
They're pretty big.
They've got a NOC.
Oh, I get it.
They definitely have a computer operations division, you know, where all the mainframe
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Awesome
Hot
12
panels
5
7
11
15
16
14
15
17
18
18
19
19
20
Call National
you have to call back
uh... because i think that is a very little given the information out of the
time
but what what has what is calling back to them themselves on the phone
uh... what you have to call back from the manager here
was imagine
he's here in the morning i've got to confirm this ok
help i'll put you through to my supervisor if you don't want to be
cooperative
okay first of all the fact that we don't get any information out over the
phone
This isn't this isn't special information. This is some PII or anything like that. What the fuck?
Maybe they got a minimum advance
Somebody's thinking about a hurricane show
Earlier because that seems to be someone fucking already knew. Yeah, they everybody every one of them seems to be suspicious
I'm not good at this type of prank.
7-Eleven Network Outage Center
7-Eleven Network Outage Center
The corporate office is a store number. Yeah, okay good
Want to confirm what is your current operational status please?
We're fine care. Were they you have you had any interruptions of power with the storm machine?
No, okay, and you're planning on working
Staying open. I understand. Yeah. Okay
Are there in tis are you under a mandatory evacuation order right now? No
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Because of the storm and we need a briefer. She needs to open her book to well page number 12b
Yes, man. Could you open the book the employee manual handbook to 1b, please 12 1b
I give up even a doctor to say yeah
They ain't never gave me no book about this motherfucking garbage
I don't get paid enough for this. I'm leaving.
They've all been highly warned before this happens.
I guess you guys must terrorize all the Hurricanes.
Well, like, I shut down a bunch in Philly when Hurricane Sandy came.
I know that, and then ever since, I don't think I've done another one.
There's definitely some communication that happened, because nobody's even...
Yeah, they're not...
Here, call another one and give me the story number.
C.M.P.
the store
no
like you call one
but tell me
the store number
okay
you know
cause it seems like
that's accurate
when you're doing it
unless you're just
making it up
no I'm getting it
off their website
actually
okay
so
alright
I
can I copy paste this
yes I can
boom
that makes it
easy
you can just
tell me
and I can just
type in
well no
because I don't
want to read it
alright here
there you go
you see that
the first line
you see I'm
fucked up alright
yep
okay
Okay, let's see if I get through the thing.
All right, here goes the thing.
It's just a number.
Hey, Jaya, get those numbers right.
It's going down for real.
Ow.
No, my TV's better, though.
No, but okay, but it's very similar, ain't it?
It's similar, but it's still better.
It's sort of like the darker African Americans are hating against the lighter skin ones.
It's the same thing with the TV.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Oh, I think that's mine and Zach's kid. That would make sense. Yes. Yes. Hello, please leave a message after this. Because no calls for fucking. Let's just say I'm going to do this one. And then if they pick up, you can take it. See way too close to the coast. It's all closed up that this lockdown we should go loot yo. Now's the time. Yeah. Yeah. I was getting a car. Don't you?
Go get some hurricane lude
Let's just run a
Yuto truck
Go down and fill it up
That's an excellent thing
If they're like get to
Them read that email
They say a lot of cars got stolen
Down in New Orleans like during Katrina
Like straight off a lot
Like new brand new cars
And never tracked
Their idea
well why wouldn't you do ruin yeah for something rather than be soaked with
salt water yeah stand up well it was after the storm
it was still on dry oh oh but evacuated there shouldn't that just goes showed
never evacuate if you're on a business you hold your ground like this fuck it
Rooftop Shotgun
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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I-3 apologies for the lag
Is your mom scared of the hurricane?
No, cuz we're in Chicago
Thank you for calling your local Walmart
Ya, ever since she killed one of the new cycle
Thank you for calling Walmart
Hi, I'm calling from the Walmart network outage center The Knock. This is the corporate office speaking. Hello. How are you?
Fine, thank you. How are you?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
He's like, I'm not just the fucking management, I'm also the voice actor.
President, thank you, Admiral Donald Trump, for seeing...
Thank you for calling Walmart. How may I direct your call?
Hi, I was talking to the manager, and I got cut off. Can you put him back on?
I'm with Network Outage Center, Corporate Office, Emergency, closing the store.
Close, close the store. Hurry.
One moment, please.
A hurricane is coming. Oh, it's making landfall now. I wonder who's picking up.
Thank you for calling Walmart.
Yes.
Crosstown Network Outage Center in Bentonville
Okay. We're expecting hurricane force conditions in 62 minutes 38 seconds at your location. Okay. At this time we want to go ahead and begin Operation Maneuver 12. Can you get me a conference call here as mandated by the book? I need a conference call with all your MODs please. Okay. Hold up. All right.
I think he's laughing and he doesn't buy it.
Had you got those numbers there, big guy?
For, um, what is it, roommates?
Jaiyat, alright, good answer.
Probably porking his wife.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Carlito Laugh Track
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Thug Life
Thug Life
Thug Life
Thug Life
Thug Life
Thug Life
Thug Life
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The London one was the last one he did.
He was in the one before that, too.
The two, uh, Chai, he was in Beijing.
That's hilarious.
Listen to Jihad.
He's like, I thought nobody that was involved in prank calls was successful at all.
No, no, no, not at all.
I knew he was something because he was hellbent on it.
We lost everything.
I lost the skybridge.
That was weird.
I have no idea what happened with the phone.
Hello?
Hello?
Yes?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Page 12B
That's B for Boy
And I need you to break open your authentication card
And we'll start with the authentication procedure
Do you need me to
Authentication procedure
Do I need to be in a station where the fire alarm is
No no fire alarm is needed
No we just need to
Shut down
We can't allow any more customers in
And can't allow anyone out
No one in or out of the building right now
You're authorized
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Clip of the day
Clip of the day
Clip of the day
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
And the command box, where should it be located?
Usually in the manager's office.
Okay.
Okay, we're trying to get our store manager because the office is a bit closed.
Okay, all right.
I mean, customers are a lot of shops, so we just want to make sure that no one is really entering or leaving because the storm is coming.
The storm is coming.
Okay.
So we close the doors.
Yeah, close doors.
Yeah, that's enough now.
No more.
Okay, yeah, and your name sir. My name is cross
Cross Lopez
And what's your company name? Well, I'm in the network outage center network outage control the knock in Bentonville process Walmart
Yeah, oh this dinner with Walmart's. Okay. Okay. Are you gonna be here a whole road?
I can I can hold just report back to me once that's done and we'll move to page two. Okay, hold on
We're back now live with the breaking news look at that that is Corpus Christi very windy
Corpus Christi Texas as this category 4 hurricane is about to make a landfall sometime in the
coming hours the storm bears down on the Texas coast tonight a different kind of storm
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm the best guy ever in this so let me just look at this um let me look at one of these older things
Let's see
Hey Austin, what's up?
Hey buddy, I think I got this fixed now, thank you for your patience
Can I add uh, yeah we need to add more
Yeah, add whoever we
XYZ, okay you got it
Okay, yeah, help me out, add everyone
You got Mr. Dave
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
The Last of Us
They don't know palat so that's right.
Yep, that's not good.
Temperatures risin' and it's not surprising.
Temperatures risin...
Did you get J'ad back?
What's up?
So I have to go.
We have to go masturbate.
Oh okay.
Yeah.
Who else do we have?
It is quite an impressive eye-wall that's hitting there.
I'm gonna say.
That's a well organized eye-wall.
Did you get Clay already?
Mob 7?
Closed Captions by the Amara.org community
Who did I say might be from the call?
I know, we were talking about Olympic shit.
Yeah, we're talking about the fact that Jen Stewart is an Olympian.
Yes, that's correct.
True story.
Pretty rad.
I hear they party at those Olympic villages like crazy.
Yeah, he fucked a lot.
He fucked a lot.
Yeah, dude.
Well, the thing with Jen is that he lives in London,
and the London 2012 Olympics happened.
They're in his backyard, a home crowd.
Madhouse Live
I was going to say, that would be a fucking while of drinking, sitting alone, right?
Is it just me and you again?
Because the other call is calling me now.
No, no.
Asper's in there.
It's there.
It's there.
For me, I'm freaking Skype, right?
Jihad's in there.
Like, I don't know.
They're here.
This is crazy.
Look, they're here, right?
Yeah.
I see them.
I see them.
Skype is one of the few positive products that Microsoft has.
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Hey, Zach, you on still sleepyhead?
Ah, sleepy suit.
Yeah, yeah, I know. What do you think about that, Craig?
Here, someone else is trying to call.
I think it's Dom. Let me answer and see.
Give me a second. Did I lose you guys? Hello?
Shit.
Hello?
Madhouse Live
Whoever from the group is trying to call the new group don't call
I mean trying to call me don't because you're calling the group directly and it's screwing things up. No, I lost the new group
Shit now calling the old group. Oh my god. It's an abortion. This is terrible
I got to rebuild it again. Are you serious? Jesus Christ? I was gonna go to sleep. It's fucking bullshit
That's right, album number 10
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
We'll see you in a short, too short.
I'm echoing now.
Yeah, yeah, you understand, you understand.
Why am I echoing now?
You're echoing now?
Yeah.
I'll be getting an adjustment.
Maybe that'll help.
Oh, no.
Oh, hello.
I just stopped with Justin.
You do?
Still?
Still.
It'll just take a while.
Shit.
I'm sorry.
Why am I starting?
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
zzZZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz
Cat 4
Corpus Christi
Corpus Christi
Corpus Christi
Corpus Christi
Call Nation Madhouse Live
in a direct message on Skype. Could you do that, sir?
Yes.
All right, let's take a listen to this real quick while I find a hotel to call.
Hotels up the way are going to be booked as people evacuated.
That is an option here that we can do.
Hey, see? See, I was thinking.
See?
I knew I'd think of something.
On the west coast of Florida.
Damn, look at that.
There's nothing to stop you going over tonight, but it's, again, a very dangerous night
because that wind is coming right across Matagorda Bay and right over the bridge,
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
You know, he can't anchor the night news anymore.
Well, at least we're going to make the motherfucker work.
Burial in the fucking...
He's just probably happy to be on TV, period, right now.
Yeah, I would...
Right?
I have a whole hell of a lot of other skills, too.
I've always dug, like, night shifts in the case.
Yeah.
Because nobody's around, and you need to fuck around and shit.
I always dug, yeah.
When I worked night shift for a year, it took a big toll on my health.
But, man, was it fun.
I would go in, I would sleep, you know.
Check them out you guys
We're calling the hotel that this guy is at
Let's see if we can get through
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
McFerrin
The
Pet Friendly Bedroom and Second Living Area for Rent
$410 a month.
We're renting out a pet-friendly bedroom in a pretty large second living room area to
the right person.
Also includes your own private bathroom, shared kitchen, shared large black deck, shared
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
You think they ate poison them?
There's this conspiracy.
He was...
He got the injection.
Prodigy died.
Yeah.
It is kind of weird how he did come down with this shit so fast.
It is.
Dude, a lot of shit's weird, man.
There's a lot of...
And the one girl he was dating and fucking all the time with no shit.
You recall, he's been forwarding.
Yeah, and he was so positive.
The
Like talking shit about an old bitch you're fuckin dead and he wasn't here
Well, his mistake is probably that he wants a dinner with why at the White House
Yeah, I think that's where he made
enemy
the CIA you know I mean yeah yeah, some recent poison there something maybe a
Polonium like catch to know
It's weird. It's weird. It's a weird. I love I love watching my black conspiracy
channels and shit. So we can go further. Do you think that Magic Johnson got the injection?
Or do you think he got the fixed injection? Yeah. Because his wife didn't have it. Like
like yeah like money or do you think he has some now? Any idea how he weighs so much still?
Big guy still fucking strong as an ox. He's got the AIDS. I mean, I'm saying if you got it now, you might end up all right. But I mean, back then, it should have been a toothpick.
You know, I recently found out that Jim J. Bullock, Jim J. Bullock is HIV positive, apparently.
Madhouse Live
Whatever performance or handsome did I lose you guys again every time someone calls me the conference and that's not fair
And it's not anyone's fault
You guys there?
Did we get everyone back yet
Curly do you want me to explain the AIDS thing? Yeah explain AIDS to me, please. How's it work? Okay?
So AIDS AIDS is not the disease that you catch right you catch HIV, right?
And then you have HIV for a while, and basically over time, it kills off your immune system and your immune system's ability to fight disease.
Yeah, because it's not the AIDS that kills you so much as the pneumonia that you get that normally wouldn't really phase you, right?
Yeah, yeah. You usually die from complications. That's what they call it.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
And it's really interesting too because you don't you don't see people catching HIV that's already drug resistant and people actually don't really know why that is because it's just not.
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
The
Treatment
That
They
Have
Now
Are
Like
So
Good
That
If
You're
Like
A
Healthy
Adult
When
You
Get
It
And
You
Catch
It
Before
I
Mean
Of
Any
Race
If
You
Catch
It
Before
It
Becomes
AIDS
You
Can
Live
Your
Whole
Life
With
It
And
You
Can
Actually
Get
Your
Levels
Down
Like
Magic
Johnson
To
Where
You
Won't
Even
Test
Positive
For
It
But
If
You
Stop
Taking
The
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt's version of skype and this and that
with the conferencing he's trying to call back in
if I don't connect him back he's going to be mad
so I'm going to need to
rebuild it one last time I think I figured out
why I was doing that so if you gentlemen
I'm going to kindly disconnect here
and we're going to try this one more time and maybe do
another 30 minutes of pranks
of some pranks because tonight really
hasn't been a prank night we'll figure it out
don't add me because I'm on the
newer version and that fucks his version up
Bob hang on stand by sir
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The
Last
Time
I
Got
To
Add
Peeps
Let's
Get
Some
Good
Music
Going
Here
Bob
Vance
Robert
Let
Me
Know
When
You
Want
The
Next
Star
With
X Y Z
Axpa and palindrome
were connected
I like this kind of music
I think we're just going to take a break
and try that
alright
let me just take a break
anyone who needs to join
call now now we should be ok
call me
poop time
or let Matt know or let Axpa or palindrome or xyz or one of these guys
Strangelife
Madhouse Live
Who else? Who else?
Can anybody think of it?
Oh, you guys. XYZ and all of you.
You guys remember whoever?
I'm getting a lot of no answers from you.
I'm sorry?
I didn't hear you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm like, it's fucking music.
I'm getting like, Bob Vance got no answer.
Maybe it's because I couldn't.
I'm on the shitty old Skype, too.
So, any of these people.
I tried to win 10 once, and I couldn't open it.
Sirius XS
Elsa
hmmm
China Metro
this is Lala Madrid right here
Baz listening to this song
I was gonna take that break alright
I'm gonna take that break and we're gonna reconvene hopefully recharged
hey if you could turn down the loop for us a bit
the what?
the music for us
I'm working on it I'm working on it yeah yeah
who else is this?
is it loud it's blasting for you like yeah it's like hard to talk first you
can tell me okay
Closed Captioning provided by the Amara.org community
Madhouse Live
I said you know what can make this party better was alcohol
so I'm like fuck what do I make I don't have many mixtures and
my alcohol is uh... kinda limited right now
you know my selection in the bar we just haven't stocked it in a while so
I found some peach schnapps and uh...
all I had drink wise was like minimade
light lemonade
so and then I added a splash of uh... some
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't give a fuck
Zax
I just put him right out
I'll fucking help you edit your shows for free man
You don't have to pay me anything
I got some help from Olga and AXPA
And I appreciate it
I could probably use some more help
They got burnt out quick
Olga was having fun doing it
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't know
he doesn't have to do that
that's embarrassing
not embarrassing
but I really appreciate that
but
well it's not like that
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Oh
And theme song calling people I'm on Skype making friends or calling people up and bothering
He's working on it he's gonna work on a little intro for the podcast for me which I'm kind of excited
He's fucking good. He was like we're honest, I'm showya
The
Last Time
We're Talking
About
Vance
We're
Talking
HIV
The
Virus
That
Causes
AIDS
As
They
Called
It
In
The
80s
Early
90s
They
Called
It
The
Gay
Cancer
In
The
Early
90s
Right
And
If
Bob
Are
You
Still
Around
Can
You
Still
Can
Ask
You
Another
Question
About
The
AIDS
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
I'm
Here
Alright
Alright
So
Um
It
Do
They
Suspect
It
Started
In
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I would say Africa has enough space that there doesn't need to be population control.
I think the arid climate does enough of that.
The truth about Africa is if they were able to get their shit together as a continent,
they would have way more resources than...
Oh, yeah.
They would be in a position as far as fuel, nuclear fuel, petroleum, diamonds.
I saw this video the other day where these guys were talking about like the whole we was king thing and uh they were saying that like the main reason why after the African empire fell back in like the 17th 18th century or some shit was that uh there was no European monetary assistance like uh how Europe is rebuilt every time a major war has happened right and it kind of makes sense you know like
I'm sorry, my earpiece is dying so I'm gonna have to change over.
But yeah, I mean, they got a lot of resources.
There's no reason they shouldn't be successful.
They just need to fucking help, you know?
They had a renaissance period there where they kicked the Belgians out
and the French and the Germans.
You know what I mean?
All those...
The empire building.
The republics rose out of that.
But they just can't get along with each other.
They're just so...
It's ignorance.
I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be mean, but come on man. Yeah. Yeah, you know, and that's what there was supremacists say all the time those niggers
Never blame me a black country. That's ever been prosperous
It's a fucking power vacuum that's the problem everybody's trying to fucking dude just
Motherfuckers needed just be cool. If they would just be cool. Yo, so you just get along
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm happy with my disability money
that's awesome
we got some cool jazz going here
we're going to restart the synth wave
that I was playing here
I like that
that sounded like that was my way
this one's
it might have been
they do a lot of those
they were playing a Beatles one before the show started
on that channel
this one's called Palm Trees and Concrete
Call Nation Madhouse Live
If you can find them in the Galveston-y, Houston-y, Hurricane Impact area,
because maybe those people answer their cell phones, I would greatly appreciate it.
Anyone listening or who's involved in the call.
Or if the hurricane is happening and you're listening at the now, just give us a ring.
Yeah, yeah.
Or any of the newer researchers.
Let us know what's going on and give us some ideas who we can prank.
Neighbor? Enemy?
Here's a UK number from Mr. Noonoo.
Owl. Son of an owl.
Your international call cannot be completed as
Okay, something with me
Now I'm drunk and I don't remember how to dial
I like a doo doo doo
Hey, what do you think is going to happen with
With Zax
I was trying to ask him with the new
Hate crime laws in the UK
Like online hate crime calls
Or laws
Like you can get arrested for
Fucking with people and shit
New New's gonna get like if we're not gonna be able to call New New members
well New New's always he's always really anti the racist stuff because he's told me
like hey he doesn't like it when I use the n-word he told me the reactions from the 7-elevens were
chuckly um it's like I think they uh I think they were they they had a heads up yeah they did because
Like I said, like the second you start saying shit, they they'd heard the broads giggling
When you set itself in corporate, but that always happens to me with these corporate calls
I can't just why I usually pass them off to Dwight or to Brad in situations. Why you don't you feel I don't
Manager because you're a minority in this country
The Carlito voice is usually like I try to sound drunk whether I'm not I am or not
yeah I'm pretty I'm like I just do like that hey how you doing just I can like just bully my way
through places with a how you doing and this and that I'm not bullied but just like a nice like
Get out of here, build a wall
Oh, the ad was in Spanish, that's funny, Mob
Caballo Frisian
Caballo
Caballo
Caballo, carajo, coño
Hi, brother
Alfonso
sinopravilia.com
hello you have a power generator sir yes oh yeah we're uh we're having a we're having a
hurricane party man we're having such a good time the power just went out do you still have power
yeah i do oh god how are the winds over there where you're at i'm um i'm in colorado i'm not
in corpus christi so what do you how are you going to get me a corpus christi generator then
i'm heading down there tomorrow for what take advantage to try and help people how much you
How much do you sell a power generator for?
$3900
$7900 for a power generator?
$3900
Matt, can you check the numbers on that?
How much for a power generator? How many horses is his power generator?
I think he's price gouging
Yeah, I think you're doing a little...
He sounds like a foreigner in the first place who makes him suspect
Yeah, where are you from?
Okay, then why don't you douchebags
go and suck a fucking dick and
go and find another one
Why don't you go fuck yourself, you fucking liberal fuck
Price Gouger Foreigner
How is he helping people if he's going to charge so much for them?
I'm going to help somebody, yeah.
I think after you got after him, he said $79.
Trying to help people by gouging them for the price of a power generator, you motherfucker.
He's going to help out like, I don't know, a fucking professional athlete who lives in the area or something.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah, those generator calls.
Can you believe that fucking guy?
I'm coming down from Colorado tomorrow
because he probably bought them for a couple hundred bucks each at Home Depot.
Well, again, I think he caught them on the price.
I think he said the second time it was $79.
That would be quite a fair price.
But there's price gouging laws.
I don't think it applies to people like person-to-person sales that I get.
Craigslist.
I don't think it does, and it should
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Awe
sometimes will be while I was out it was in my ass
and I would get mad I'm like fuck there was another dollar I
I had like all these parking tickets with the work band
with one of those cuz there's cruiser the cat everything
and is great not like try to say would mind was
the plate nerves like a full G live sticker MC Chris life's ambition I'm a
pimp
on the back sticker they're like come on Matty
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hello please, I know you heard my cousin speaking, but I need to talk to you about the diesel generator, please.
Can you help me? I hear you breathing.
Yeah, hi, do you have a diesel generator?
I sure do.
Oh, thank God. We just lost power here at the worst possible time. You don't have no idea.
There's nothing I can do right now, so why don't you call me back in the morning?
But why not?
Because I'm not where the generator is.
What was the generator? Is it up your wife's asshole?
You smartass.
You motherfucker.
Call me a smartass.
When did Texas get so sleepy?
Seriously, I thought they were always down to fuck around.
It's the same fucking time as me. It's 11.02.
There's no reason you should be that sleepy.
Yeah, you should be home.
You have reached the voicemail box of 3.
TheFNDC.com
Don't let me take the good in pictures you don't want to pose. I don't know we're there
Oh nice freely pulling the shown
There's not a face and those like asshole pictures
but I remember like when I was playing tapped out and like she first came around and it was in the bathroom and
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
This is so funny that you just suspected like right off the bat like you weirdo. You've been stalking me online for years
Yeah, exactly
But I should have done more
There's some neat pics proven shown us. I'm sorry
That has not been set up yet, but I'm on Facebook a little black bar over the holes
Closed Captioning provided by the Amara.org community
So a guy probably bought a pallet full of ginger and is selling them each for the price of the cost on the buy all of them.
He sells one.
Exactly.
He's going to sell.
He's going to.
If he sells one.
Hi, this is Lindsay.
Please leave a message and I'll call you back.
Thank you.
Do what now?
Acoustic guitar and corpus.
Let's see if this guy will pick up.
Sells his guitar.
If not, we'll go there with the bass drum.
Break the guitar.
Oh, this guy's got some pranks going on here.
I'll release the second half of the show on the podcast.
There you go.
I downloaded a show like from 2014 so she kept saying if like you're gonna take a baseball bat
I was gonna bring it to the museums and stuff like that yeah like I think uh you called like
some law firm or something and you told like the like you're like hey is big fat john there
it was like the receptionist and you and she's like no and then you're like I'm gonna come in
there with the baseball bat she's like why hey guys I have some whole foods numbers hello
Hello? Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message.
Someone's trying to fool me with the soundboard. Ain't gonna work.
I wasn't born yesterday.
Rick Harrison from Polystars.
Yes, yes.
How do you want them formatted?
How do I want them formatted? Plus, no, no, just one in area code. No plus.
Okay. No parentheses or anything?
Nope, nope, nope. Shouldn't matter, but preferably if you can, that'd be good.
Sometimes it seems to flip a bitch on me.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hello? Hello? Oh my god. Hello, Rick. Mr. Harrison, please. You sold me a portrait. I just want to let you know that this isn't going to work out. I've got to sell it. I've got to clean it. I've got to mount it. I've got to get it restored. You know? And I'm going to have to get one of my friends down here. He knows a lot about these portraits. Just to kind of give me an idea of how much it's worth.
I hate that my wife keeps putting you on the fucking TV on the weekends, asshole.
Because I want to watch FX's Snowfall, but she's like, yeah, this was bastards, bastards.
And the Republicans at work are always putting it on the TV, too, and I hate that shit.
Fuck you.
Anyway, is that him?
I hope you heard all that, because fuck that guy.
It sounded like him.
Fuck that guy, fuck his shit.
Yeah, it was him.
I sent you some Whole Foods with the Amazon acquisition.
Now they might be able to do some Amazon customer support calls.
Call them up with your tracking number.
Hey, I could do that.
I await your message.
I sent you the message.
Oh, you did?
Well, let me go.
Should I start from the top then?
Do what?
I guess there's only three in Hawaii.
All right.
Probably open.
Here we go.
Whole paycheck.
What was my complaint?
I'm sorry.
What am I complaining about?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah, and you know that you folks, your company was bought out by Amazon.
Okay, this is not Amazon. I cannot help...
Well, they're not picking you up.
They're not picking you up.
You have to call Amazon.
Stop interrupting me when I'm talking, you bitch.
But you called me a bitch.
Okay, I'm going to hang up on you.
Bitch.
You called me a bitch.
Cunt.
And you can talk to Amazon.
Cunt.
Dumb bitch. Can't even hang up the phone.
Some of them get really mad.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I've definitely ruined people's countertops doing that too I've ruined like pieces of furniture
It's my first blemish on this IKEA desk
Until I was staying in Minnesota
Hey guys, I'm gonna, I'm gonna
Okay
Hi, I was supposed to say something Matt, what am I supposed to tell her?
Something about Amazon
Call Nation Madhouse Live
If you're not aware Amazon purchases us on Monday, today is Friday.
Call Back on Monday
Happy to see you. Let me talk to a stupid visor because that's what he is. You must be stupid. I
Am a supervisor stupid visor
You know sir this is really unnecessary
I
I think that you should try calling amazon.com.
Now I'm a woman to call the website.
If you go to the website and look up a phone number.
Honey, honey, honey, I don't know if you understand how computers work, but website is for computer.
Telephone number is for phone.
How did you become a manager, a supervisor?
Oh, my God.
Whose dick did you suck to get this position?
All of them.
Whatever.
They didn't even get medical benefits.
They're going to tell me I'm wrong.
I love it.
Oh.
I tried to come up and face something that's strange.
Good evening, how are you?
Sounds busy there.
Somebody needs a nice bucket cleaning.
And the host of the Dwight McClanahan Party Hour.
Thank you for calling Holsters.
This is Pamela speaking.
Hey, ignorant, how are you?
Sorry?
Hey, ignorant, how are you?
Listen, you need to stop calling here, man.
No, I don't.
No, I don't.
That's your opinion.
I don't think I do until I get this fixed.
All right, we'll leave that suck location alone and here's the next one.
I heard via cause mass confusion that you're going to be hiring soon?
Yes, for fleshy holes, particularly.
I would like to be a tester.
No, Jesus Christ, sir.
No, you can't test fleshy holes.
Are you crazy?
Disgusting.
I clean them first and then we ship them.
You know, Jai had bought me a fleshy hole and a bear to put in.
Aloha.
Oh, yeah.
I may have been really desperate.
If you know your party's extension, you may dial it. You do have that
For hours three, that's what we do when we see a big pussy like that for us for
Press that monkey sit nine to repeat this menu and the line for customer service team member
Well giant said he wants it when I'm done. Please hold while I try that extension dude
Don't fall for that shit that nigga just wants to clone you. He wants to but he said he bought it
Call Nation Madhouse Live
No, we don't sell green screens here.
No, no, it was like a limited time thing that you had there.
No, we don't have any green screens here.
Maybe not in Hawaii, but I mean, listen.
So he was like, I'm buying this for you now, but if he said that if he, when I'm done with it, I have to give it back.
So at the same time, he bought me a teddy bear and a fake vagina to put into the bear for a joke video.
T-Series
2
3
2
2
1
2
2
1
1
1
1
Recreation
Oh, you took it.
No, I couldn't.
I tried.
You use fucking poppers and you're going to complain about that?
Yeah.
No, I'm just like, I've just been like, the thing is like a hassle.
It was cool though, looking at the beer.
Yeah.
South Lane Corporation.
Whole Foods Customer Service, how can I help you?
Yeah, cream pie?
I'm sorry?
Cream pie.
Cream pie?
Cream pie, would you like me to transfer you to the bakery department?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
All I can offer you is some profanity-laced comments to people we call.
That's about all I do, and it's finally working.
So what happened was the first half of the show I spent trying to get people in the hurricane area.
But imagine that.
They're not answering the phones.
But then we started finding some Craigslist ones, and they answer either that.
Most of them were gougers out of state who were coming in with generators tomorrow for $3,900 this one fucking guy.
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I'd like to prescribe numbers of reefer card hello Kev Kev who's this hey it's cross how you
doing buddy cross it's cross oh yeah cross hey look so Howard said when you had that whole
falling out the you were on CNN or whatever talking off that's Kevin Smith man I wanted
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I didn't like that movie.
Yeah, I didn't like that movie.
Why didn't the intern just fucking punch him if he was a man?
Dude, there's never any job I could be on where a boss could get him and write a book about it afterwards.
Well, I would have drank the chocolate milk.
I just would have been a man.
Fuck you.
This whole place is going to get set on fire.
Fucking cunt.
You know?
Call Kevin Smith
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Kevin Smith
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or something like that and one kid was up there saying like he thought it was shitty and like Kevin Smith like got upset about it and then he walked off the stage and started approaching the guy as he was still fielding his comments to him was like okay like there was like there was like nervous chuckling going on you know what I mean and then yeah I was kind of like yeah yeah but whatever dude when you're
I like I actually liked that movie that he the last movie made with this kid that yoga
that was pretty fun I see I haven't seen anything since um I didn't see red state and I haven't seen
anything after oh red street's pretty dope I heard it's good yeah because I've heard him describe it
I've heard him describe the alternate ending to it on his podcast and oh I didn't know yeah yeah
what he what he wanted to do he couldn't film because it's not the special effects would have
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I spent an entire summer when I was 23 years old, 22 years old, unemployed on unemployment.
I would get up, I would eat breakfast, I would get up around 11 o'clock in the morning, maybe 12.
I would eat breakfast, I would watch Mallrats over and over again until the screensavers came on,
Leo Laporte on tech TVs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, tech TV.
Back then, yeah, dude.
Tech TV.
Yeah, I would watch that live and then I would clean the kitchen for my mom and I would start dinner for her
That was my thing. I was it was a good time. It was a nice sabbatical. I sound like a good time
Yeah, dude. I'm you made me a little jelly
I love like I love fucking
Like being a bum and just like people being so happy to clean up the run house
Oh my mom was yeah
She was like I remember her telling me like I was I used to get depressed like mom
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My mind cuz like kids are shitty, you know, they're like the daughter had a kid by my shitty friend and like they were letting me stay there
So they're putting the dislike weird young daughter's room
So anyway, but like cleaning up the shit and the mom was a drunk
She drink like potting a coffee a lot so we'd get to use the fucking Mercedes like she's like, can you boys drive me?
Or so we had this cool white old-school Benz
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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I will say this in the morning show that uh first of all that Allison whatever her name is oh
my god what I give a good porking on her I'll tell you what
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
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I think he's the correspondent he's the he's the he's the White House correspondent too I think he's always all he's fucking pissing me off but no one and I mean no one pisses me off on CNN more than fucking Richard Quest the British guy that fucking guy oh yeah he really grinds my gears too buddy he's got this over-the-top British bullshit talking about his opinions on the United States and and how does this motherfucker know about America he's like
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The one guy from American Idol and not the American version but the British version or whatever not the one with the three the Britain's Got Talent another show I've never watched he had a show for a while he fucking he was a fucking moron what the fuck was that guy's name too I couldn't stand him he's long gone he's he's he he completely so he took over after Larry King and he fucking sucked an egg the whole time and he didn't go anywhere but anyway that Richard Quest
P.S. There's an awesome Larry King with Norm Macdonald.
Norm Macdonald's on Larry King?
I think they know it's like on a webcam-y thing.
It's a good...
Norm Macdonald's a good show to watch.
The Norm Macdonald show?
The podcast?
Norm Macdonald Live?
Yeah.
I've seen it.
It's very good.
Hey, you know what's really good?
I like Snoop Dogg's YouTube show.
I think I've said that one already.
The old Getter News Network?
Yeah, dude.
That's funny.
Yeah, GNN for the win.
Yeah, that's better news, dude.
Watch that.
Yeah, dude, so, uh...
GNN, where he tries to sell you shoes and fucking a reefer juice or something.
I don't like the freaking Weather Girl that comes out every time.
It's just like, it's, you know, it's a big tip.
Is it because you can kind of watch smut in public or something?
Just watch smut?
Like, how is it ever hard to find and track a lady to watch on a screen?
No, but, like...
Closed Captioning by The Closed Caption Project
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Lantern Lady
on CNN
no no no
I've got a way better list than that
my wife's list
she's got Jason Momoa
is on there
you should've punched her in the face the second
she brought up a list to you
50 Cent which I was like you fucking
you should've just
never touch 50 Cent
that's a divorce
yeah I was like you fucking
you know I said to her
my I will have to say
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Myla Kunis
I thought you were talking about the one
who played Donna
I would throw away my whole fucking life for that girl
oh my god
that fucking Ashton Kutcher getting all up in there
motherfucker him
did you really give up your whole life
for Myla Kunis dude she's fucking awesome
dude she's fucking nerdy
for an evening
no not for an evening
but I won't throw my way
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Madhouse Live
Jules
I found those celebrities by the way
as embarrassing as I might be to say
Jules is another one
Jules I find her fucking
again that's the whole thing a woman that can sing like that
just fucking yeah
her teeth don't turn you off
she fixed them
you shouldn't fix your
and she's cool
she fixed them finally
and she's cool as hell dude she comes on Howard Stern
and she's funny as hell
she's really fucking cool
you're not afraid you're fix teeth like
the fake portions are gonna fall out
reveal her old messed up ones again
that's fine you know tonight
little amateur portal no acid on right
let me see some sense i guess i got broke
breaking news from Mama Hill like she
says they're telling people in Texas
that won't evacuate to write their name
and Social Security Numbers on their
Crayta
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Lumen on your bullshit
They say that they're scary
They just want to go in and install cams in everyone's house
What's up, man?
They say that they scare you
They say that they be fucking dicks
And it wouldn't matter, A, because it would wash off
I'm gonna go ahead and bet
That it doesn't
And the news is winding people up for nothing
It would wash off, tell her
I'd write it on my ass
A, it would wash off
B, when you die
And you get all bloated
Sharpie Sharpie's are permanent no they fuck it comes off they're not not from they're not
water side i gotta like i get a mommy no i gotta wipe them off with alcohol if you die if you die
and you get all bloated because i didn't find you until three days later and the humidity and
the heat of the you know what hey that's a great idea right now call tattoo shops in texas we need
to get our we need to get our famous socials tattooed on us because because you can tell
Call Kevin Smith
Call him again and talk nice to him
I'll change the ID
I was being nice I should have said hey big fan first
dude but just don't go you went for a cool like radio thing you went
your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message
that he gave you a fucking eight hours his time back in the day and that inspired you to fucking
do your shit in entertainment he doesn't care I really think Kevin Smith is kind of a prick dude
Okay, I'm saying that I'm saying man. That's where I try is that wife of his is a bitch
Say just saying I don't know anything about other than James. I'm about straight back
We've called Jason Muse a few times on my show
I imagine he's pretty cool. Has he been cool?
He has not been drunk he's sober come on don't say that oh no
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
3, 2, 1
Kevin Smith isn't answering anymore, unfortunately.
I got a little bit of time. He just wanted to know who I was,
and many heard me bring up that Howard Stern beef.
He just, click, whatever.
I got a number here for Gelada Freeman.
If you all remember, this is the chick that got the fake iPad
in the gas station parking lot, wasn't it?
That Brad car?
гоفر in the tiny chat don't think I'm me
a soundboard don't believe it
yeah Stella and he poured in a glass like a gentleman look at this cat
hello please leave a message
can you play any songs with Que te animo?
can you play any songs with Thouthats?
no I can just do like Frere Jaca
I want some freedom fries you fucking frog coward
uh who sent the numbers last do we have any numbers that I should be getting to
they're in the uh they're in the chat here the main chat okay
Michelle Obama's a man uh well needles have been about that that's that just popped up
dude needles been on that shit for years in the scat house of doom
Hey man why don't you call uber real quick and roll on down to that hotel
Let me take a look at these guests for anyone who is interested in me
I don't watch Arrow, I don't watch Doctor Who
I think it's the new faggy Doctor Who
Catherine Tate
Paul Bettany
Captain America Civil War
Iron Man
The Hardy Boys
People keep telling me
I'd like that Civil War
Danny Trejo
The Owl Keeps Annoying
Expo for Uck Numbers
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Willson's there oh wait no no wait wait we gotta do Gene Simmons from Kiss first
yeah we gotta we gotta dick fuck his yeah we gotta fuck him let me see who else we got here
Elizabeth Shylock fucking Aiden's a shield I don't watch that shit Full Metal Alchemist oh I was
excited I thought it's a jacket at first Arrow don't watch that shit uh Stranger Things Toonami
John Cusack
Dean Cain
Thomas Ian Nichols
Thomas Ian Nichols
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
If You Had A Choice Of What To Do In Life Is And Like You'Re Already Famous And You Could Just Go To Conventions Where People Adore You You Know Just Give You Fucking Cash For A Picture With Them Why Wouldn'T You Do That Well That'S That'S The Whole Star Trek Thing If You Get In Good Star Trek Show You'Re Set Yeah Do Anything Else Look At Your Like I'M Saying Like Like Fucking The Hulk And Shit You
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don't be don't be a dick like right off the get-go just trying to reach is
not accepting calls at this please Mila Oh God you are trying to reach is not a
fuck the Ashton Kutcher right now God it's not fair man what is he done
What's another interesting celebrity?
That'd be good.
I was able to verify this is the hotel they were at by that rookie of the year guy.
Okay, now do you think that Gene Simmons is staying at this hotel?
I think they have a running deal with him because I always find him at this hotel.
Yeah, but Gene Simmons?
Yeah, I think they're all booked there.
Even Gene Simmons?
All right, well, it's worth a shot.
I think they're all there, but I gave you Gene's real name.
I bet you Gene Simmons being a rock star probably doesn't go under his real name.
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I see, I go off the premise that they've got to show their government ID when they check in, so it's got to be their regular name.
I think when you're a celebrity, they're like, all right, Mr. Frigno, you show your ID when you check in, and you're like, hey.
Well, hey, it's worth a try right?
It is, it is.
The digital check-in with the phone? You don't even have to show your ID.
Just call it and ask for this fucking whatever.
Yeah, use the name I gave you and we'll see, we'll see.
If it doesn't work, we could always call back and ask for Gene.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
They have alias.
Yeah, spooky.
Evening, Hyatt Regency all here.
Chelsea, at your service.
Hi, yes.
I'm calling from Royco Transportation.
I need to speak with Mr. Simmons, please.
There should be a guest there.
Tell the last name for me, please.
Simmons, S-I-M-M-O-N-S.
Okay, I am not showing that name in the system.
Can you check under WITZ, W-I-T-Z?
What was that?
Okay, no, I'm not showing that.
The Last One To Check Is Ferigno
F-E-R-I-G-N-O
No
Sorbo
S-O-R-B-O
S-O-R-B-O
Negro
N-E-G-R-O
You Sure You're At The Right Hyatt
Yeah
Yeah The One In Chicago
Yeah This Is Not Chicago
This Is The O'Hare Hyatt
Well Yeah O'Hare Is The Airport In Chicago
Last Time I Checked
Excuse Me
Last Time I Checked O'Hare Is
Well We Have A Hyatt In Chicago
I don't get uppity with me.
No, I'm not getting uppity with you, sir.
Alright, because we're talking about the airport.
Okay, I'm not throwing Negroes for last night.
I don't need the African-American attitude.
I'm just trying to get my customers help.
Jesus Christ.
Well, I burned that one.
She's full of shit.
She was the one that confirmed that he was there.
Yeah, she's full of shit.
She comes.
It's me, it's me.
Any Facebook Lives?
I'm good, I'm not good with that.
How did she confirm it?
Because Dwight sounds like a normal person.
He called me.
Because I called you.
He called me.
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Call me to book your hunt tons of birds that have a field with sunflowers, corn, and grain.
Wait, holy fuck, wait, what?
I'm gonna hunt some corn.
Are you listening?
I'm gonna hunt birds and corn and grain.
That's what he said.
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Wild Maddox and Roll
Please leave your message for 956
Well the squash died and then the green peppers got eaten up by the fucking chinese beetles
And then the corn was all stunted
China men, god damn china men bringing their shit over here and those fucking beetles
Fucking assholes
Fucking china men
China men
Part of the show
Part of the show
With the blood rigs
Wins at 130 miles per hour, so a category 4. It has made length north of Corpus Christi.
Oh, way dumb out of the soccer game.
It was cool.
Please leave your message for 956.
The other team didn't show up, so all we did was scrimmage another team that was about to play.
I mean, but it was cool, I guess. I was kind of bummed out.
Do you think Kevin Smith would answer if I changed my caller ID to be his number?
If who would?
Might go to boys' school, depending on...
Oh, that could be fun.
Hey, Matt, speaking of soccer, you know my favorite team, Real Madrid?
La La Madrid, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, fucking, they're posting shit of, like, their rival team, Barcelona,
like, of, like, them getting scored on by Barcelona,
and then the next post, I was like, what the fuck, why are they showing this?
And then the next post was, your internet security is shit.
We hacked you.
He's watching Calls of MF Confusion.
I was playing the song, I got the song from him.
I got UK numbers. Let's try them. Let's wake these up and let's get out of here. I'm sorry if there's better numbers here
I wonder if there's a problem with the undersea cables
I don't think my undersea cables go through. We all know what happened. It's their new news numbers
No, that was my fault. It was see here. We go. I just tagged you in it Matt
Act Tangerine
Mission Anaconda
You're a fucking comet
Our mine team here
Internet Security and Wave
So that was Madrid getting hacked
National Hurricane Service
I guess, I guess the other got hacked
Is it because we said Lala Madrid?
Yeah, fuck it
Lala Madrid calls
We said we were like the butterfly wings
I'm calling from the hurricane service
I'm calling from the hurricane service
This is the hurricane calling in to give you an update. I'm going to be making a sharp left turn in about 15 minutes. Thank you.
My name is Harvey, the hurricane.
Hello, the person you're calling isn't around right now. At the turn, please record your message.
That would be funny to start calling hotels in Texas and trying to make a reservation for Harvey the hurricane.
Hello, this is the National Hurricane Service, the Royal Hurricane Service.
The Hurricanes Should Remind People Not To Live On The Coast
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One of the best
showtimes in the world
P.S.
Don't eat
and drink
and eat
and drink
and drink
and drink
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Rest in peace he's certainly at a point it's a crazy story about when he died right like the
it was it seemed like a survivable accident he got out he sat down he seemed all right then he
just started freaking out and saying oh no i didn't see many no like like i just know he died
in a car wreck that's it he was freaking out he started freaking out and he started saying no no
why why why but why now but why now and then he calmed down and said okay okay okay and then he
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That's what they should have done.
It's just as ridiculous as this one is.
It is.
It's bullshit.
It's apples and oranges, and I'm going to be watching it.
It's like same thing for apples.
Yeah, it is.
Oh, dude.
Dude, what the fuck? You did a nice Jerky Boys reference on one of the calls.
Oh, the clowns.
The firebombs.
The fucking, like, flippin' shit.
We got a few girls, some guys.
Yeah.
Yeah, alright, look, I gotta go. Guys, take care. I'll see y'all when I see you.
I'll masturbate you a few more. I'll masturbate you.
Bye, Carlito.
Bye.
I'll still be here for a minute.
I'm on the control of the Skype phone.
Dwayne McClane
Thanks again everyone for tuning in
Thanks for bearing with me
We had fun, better than nothing
I'm going to turn on Hurricane Coven
until I fall asleep, which will probably be in about 10 minutes
Catch you all
when I catch you
You'll probably hear me tomorrow night on Dwight's show
Yeah, bye
Pray for Texas
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