New Years Machine
31 Dec 2017 · 3 h 19 min · 14,906 words · source
Transcript
is midnight almost there what bit it oh oh it's it's ramping up any second it's gonna go
freeway yeah uh-oh oh no oh crap i think new year's is ruined what happened did it turn off
yeah it turned off i'm not playing no games dude i i you send up a stop making
a stupid calling you're out of your crazy mind you ain't getting no goddamn dollars
You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.
Ladies and gentlemen, this here is the evening.
Attendants and fans watching around.
It's going to be one of them shows.
Hey everybody, it's me Carlito.
I'm the host of this show called Madhouse Radio.
Yeah, motherfucker.
But it's a special show tonight.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
PrankCallNation
tinychat.com
slash prankcallnation
Alright, everyone go to tinychat.com
slash prankcallnation, turn on your cameras
Fill your dicks
I'm sure there'll be at least one masturbator there tonight, right?
Yeah, guys, I'm super excited
I will
definitely allow it, I'm a moderator
Masturbation is allowed
Yeah
Matt's probably going to be the one doing it
Yeah
He'll probably be the only one in there looking at it
and all there's a bunch of cats they think that this like the official chat and they want to like talk to you guys and shit and i'm like i don't know like i'm just a ham i just want to see myself i'm just a ham yeah yeah i just like see myself all right all right let's let's see if this cafe is open uh they they're usually open at this time uh we got numbers from parkman also that we get to it looks like a lot of them were in guam i look that was way too
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Brack Carter
Facebook.com slash anything horse I'm getting it hold on so can you explain a Facebook my basically you were asking the fan the listeners right now live to go even after right on the podcast anytime they want yeah like just just go there and drive everyone insane like say crazy things don't be too crazy don't get your Facebook's shut down we don't want that no you don't have to show it will have your dad piss people off don't don't don't get carried away making a
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Transferring Call
I didn't know it was a holiday I was trying to order groceries online yesterday I think
and it was like your next available thing is Tuesday and I was like what the fuck holiday
are you talking about I didn't know New Year's was a thing yeah dude I keep my audio keeps going
like one-sided here this is bad I got a bad cable because the dog's been chewing on all the cable
He is a bad homie.
A bad little bastard.
Flick him in his little nuts.
See how he likes it.
You haven't clipped them yet?
No, we're going to have to soon because they won't let him be in this puppy daycare anymore
after he's seven months.
He's five today.
He's the poor thing.
He's thinking about what you're doing to him.
Why don't you just keep him out of that puppy daycare?
Nah, dude, he loves it.
He has so much fun.
There's a gang of bastard hounds that all hang out together.
I think if you gave him an option, balls are hanging around with these idiots at fucking retarded school.
No, we watch them on webcam. The daycare has a webcam, and there's a group of four bastard hounds, including him, that all just hang out all the time.
They're like a gang, like a cypher.
Yeah, they're teaching them the ropes and stuff. It's really cool.
They're like, once you're a eunuch, this is the kind of shit you can do.
Laugh Trap
All right, look there's a there's a job here for a waiter in Guam. We need a prank call to start off the show
Just like normal New Year's Eve at every top of the hour
We'll take a like a five to ten minute break for a countdown and an all-day insane
However, you say that the song that everyone just I just mumbled cuz I don't know how the fuck that song goes
Like all
Prank Call Nation
Prank Call Nation
I'm going to try and broadcast it.
Okay, I just refreshed it.
This is my favorite part of the show.
Yep.
Oh, you know, it's pretty true.
By the way, everybody know that I like...
Hey, how you doing?
Is this the Italian restaurant?
Is this the Italian restaurant?
No, this is Ocean Jet Club.
Okay, but do you have positions open?
The job opening?
Yeah.
I'm not right now.
Call Third
Call Third
Ocean Jackrab
Ocean Jackrab
Shit Crab I Heard
What the fuck is that?
Ocean Jack Crab.
That's what I thought, too, man.
Ocean Jack.
Ocean Jack Off.
Ocean Jack Off.
They jerk you off in the ocean.
It's very relaxing.
They speed it out.
They throw it out.
They have you do a dead man's float in the ocean, and they jerk you off while you do it.
That reminds me.
I stayed in a sex motel one time.
Nice.
Was there floating involved?
Yeah, I floated around, like, doing piss on it.
Closed Captions by the Amara.org community
Ocean Jet Crab
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Jack Jock Jack Love
ahhhh'd she had to work real hard to say the L correctly
happy Christmas you know
you know how you people say L like R?
ah yeah because I have my language
because you're stupid
because you people are stupid
yeah ya dumb bitch
I was just saying happy Christmas
Even monkeys have Christmas Eve
Can we get four jet collabs?
Collab?
You want to do a collab on a jet?
Can you put man on the phone?
Hello?
Is that you, sir?
Are you talking to me?
Yes, how may I help you?
Yeah, we need to rent a jet crab.
Okay, for when?
Do you have anything today?
That's fine.
Today we have our next class at 3.30.
Oh, we don't need a class.
We're going to do it ourselves.
The Next Time It's At 3.30
Okay, so we want to get the jet crab.
We're going to drive him around.
We're going to steal money from a bank,
and then we're going to use him to get away.
Okay, so no problem.
Yeah, we practiced on him.
You can come to Ocean Club before that time.
Okay, all right.
All right, so then we'll get on the jet skis, you know,
and we're going to go,
you know,
what do you got, sea dues there?
Get There
Get There
Get There
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My Place Of Employment To Answer Such Answers Would Jeopardize My Job
Well Just Okay But Just Say Hypothetically Hypothetically If You Wish To Come Here For
The Jet Ski You're Open To Do So However If Not It's Up To You Have You Ever Thought
About Her On Naked On Top Of The Jet Ski And Then You Masturbate Thinking About Her
Going Real Slow Like You Know How The Water Shoots Out Of The Back Of It Like It's Like
A Female Orgasm Like A Ejaculation Female Ejaculation Super Queer Yeah You Probably
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Madhouse Live
Matt's a big fan of Dolphin Pussy
He's got pictures all over the place
Him and Dolphin Pussy
Him next to Dolphin Pussy
Did somebody make one of those?
I'm still trying to get this
I really think you broke
Yeah you do want a refund
I think you broke Tiny Jet
I can't broadcast either
It's going to broadcast
It's just funny
It was where maybe somebody
was shitting on it
I don't know
because I'm turning off like ghostry
it's hopeless
I don't know what's going on with the tiny check, y'all.
It's okay.
Shit's breaking everywhere, man.
Ooh, hey, wait.
I was going to say, I heard about this Y2K show.
Best Buy warned me about it a couple years ago.
And I didn't take heed.
There's an open Best Buy in Hawaii where I can ask about Y2K preparation.
Okay.
I don't know. I didn't get the Y2K update for 2018.
Oh, that's good.
Some guy at my work was telling me the world is going to end by planting eggs.
Hi, sir. Hey, how you doing?
We were wondering if we're going to come at 3.30 for the jet skis.
Shit, he's just putting them on hold.
Hello?
He's just pushing me right through.
We need Nick Caesar to draw some fucking Jet Crabs.
Jet Crabs, hell yeah.
And then you fucking a blowhole in the background.
Are any of you guys drinking?
Brett, are you allowed to drink?
You're on lockdown.
He drinks a lot of Crystal Pepsi.
No, I can drink.
I can't do illegal things.
And weed's illegal.
Okay, alright.
Federal law.
Federal legal.
I'm drinking some Grey Goose
I presume Dom's got some kind of alcohol of Mexican origin with agave in it
I'm having Bud Light
I'm having the wimpiest of drinks
I'm having Cold Style
you might have a little more APB than me Brian
maybe I don't know
I have a Four Loko down in the fridge
I have one too I have one from like years ago
from like the old apartment
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I'm really getting audio in the left and right side here. And I can't control it. I don't know what's going on here with this cable.
I'm not getting it on Skype.
You're not going to get it. You're not going to get it because you're getting a mono from me.
Yeah, but...
Oh, shit.
We hear the music though.
Oh, look, are you doing any hard drugs tonight?
Oh, no.
I don't do that kind of stuff don't pretend we're all we're all friends here
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I think Minnesota is one of the few states I've never been to the mall of
America's Delta hello you're looking for a tagalog speaker my name is cross
I'm a tagalog speaker why sexist why why please I just want to speak can't
you see damn you don't want to speak what's a tagalong speaker it's actually
it's a girl scout Tagalog it's some kind of I don't know Polynesian language or
I think it's what they speak in the Philippines it's called Tagalog it's the language it's Tagalog but it's spelled Tagalog so I'm being real ignorant I'm saying Tagalog but I speak a good Tagalog yeah like yeah that's what she's like I thought it was like like a little friend like my Tagalog translator like a little midget that knew the language of whatever land you were going through my Tagalog
L.G. Electronics
Let's see if we can
see if anyone's there
Nobody likes my Facebook, Bob
It's good
Welcome to L.G. Electronics
Para continuar en espanol
Por favor marque el numero dos
I don't want to be mean to the worst people
Information is also available on our website
at lg.com
If you are going to order parts or accessories
Say what type of product are you calling
I don't know, like, every picture is kind of like, oh, I'd like to fuck that horse, or fuck you or that horse.
Thank you for calling LG, my name is Rana, and are you calling from the phone number 916?
La la la la la la bla bla.
Yes, yes.
Hello?
How can I help you today, sir?
I need help with my camera phone machine.
What's the model of the phone?
It's a Rumor.
Who is your carrier?
Cross
Provide me the exact model of the phone, sir
Yeah, G-A-N-D-U
I don't think we have this as a model, sir
Our model usually starts with the carrier, some initial like for Verizon, VF, and three numbers
I don't want to give you the IMEI
I want to give you the model of the phone
What's the model, sir?
It's an Aristo
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
well how can I make it waterproof so that I can put in the water in the
toilet and the girl sits on top with her panties off we do not have those as an
option you know you know how the girl pees from her vagina area when she sits
on the toilet you know no I'm kind of bummed out because as of late I've been
noticing all I do is like vulgar shit can someone else do a prank call is
Lg Electronics
for football and i think you may have a lot of the hotel g
well i'm not going to go home and i want to get a lot of
we have a request we get a request to call hotels to write and do fireworks
and the bathtub
with us
hotels sent here
maybe a little bit
must be many guys
Cash
There's a 24 Hour Fitness
Anyone interested in that?
Brad, you should do BB from the corporate office
Do a silly thing
How about I get a customer on the phone
And Matt does the survey thing
Alright
That sounds like a plan
24 Hour Fitness everyone
And Dom touches himself
How did you know what I was doing?
We get the video back on
Closed Captions by the Amara.org community
I'm trying yeah no we're gonna be on hopefully until your new year's there and then we better be
it's gonna be bullshit a couple more we're out it's only fair I'm only gonna stay for like 15
more minutes oh man oh my god it's their new year I gotta go to bed I'm tired here come on man I am
the last few days I've been super happy and excited and sharing my youtube channel which
Madhouse Live
islam because i would have been so much i would have been like that was
within nine sixty eleven like ads that it's not damn no dough
damn it hey Matt yeah you have MS right
yes so are you expected like in the like where you can't walk at all like in a
wheelchair like Richard prior kinda I don't I don't know
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
6
Redoubled
Brad, Circle K, Circle K
Circle K
Circle K, Brad, you got it
Circle K, Corporate Office
oh, my youtube channel
Matt, can we do a survey?
Circle K
bradskill
cool
ok
let's do this
ask him about strange things there
that are
Ask him to go to your youtube channel and subscribe
oh yeah
tell him that almost 1000 goddammit
say goddammit
yeah
ok
Steve from the corporate office
with Circle K
and I'm calling to do the weekly customer survey
do you have a customer in there I could speak with
just do a quick survey with them
just any customer will do it's a very quick survey
we'll get them a coupon for a free drink or whatever
hello
is this a customer
are you a customer
or a employee
OK, I'm transferring you to the the survey department. Just hold on. Geez.
How are you doing? Happy New Year's.
How's your evening at Circle K going this evening?
Good, good, good. Hey, I would just like you to go to the YouTube channel.
YouTube dot com slash user slash six six six H I L L zero six six six because that's a good
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Okay, ma'am, I'm gonna ask you a question for the survey, ma'am. Okay, on a scale of 1 to 10, when did the Mongols rule China?
On a scale of 1 to 10, when did the Mongols rule China? I don't know!
Incorrect. Okay, I'm transferring you back to Matt.
Stupid.
Hey, hey. I thought you knew about the Mongols.
Mongolians.
Jesus Christ. What do you know about them?
She's a Mongoloid.
You know, Jesus Christ.
You're a Mongoloid, ma'am.
Do you get hit a lot?
como una sala de un tira a la tira
soda taste test
go for it
soda taste test
ma'am can you do a
we need to do a soda taste test
a taste test of the soda
can you go to the fountain machine please
ok alright
what do we have here Diet Coke? Diet Pepsi?
do you have both of those there?
you got Diet Coke
yeah you have some
ok go ahead I'd like you to pull
any of the fountain sizes
and just put a little bit of Diet Coke
Call Nation Madhouse Live
All right, okay drink that okay. All right, and now go ahead and drink the second one sample number B
Hey, okay now on a scale of one to banana, which one is better?
Hurry up. Well, you know how bananas are so good, right?
You like that banana thing. She did not like banana, but she was
I think she worked there dude. Yeah, I don't know
Like I heard the ice, you know, I heard her get a drink first called her
I was at the store today and they had red bananas it was like yummy I've got
him before man I'm that whole issue of bananas are they genetically modest
issue of bananas man you know but the bananas showed up and they're like kind
of beat up and kind of like like like they seem almost frozen cuz it's like
I don't know why they were red
there's some weird country
or there's like
like dirty
I've had the red banana
they are some like dirty Latin America banana
or some shit
Mexico number one
build that wall
South America shit
TheFNDC.com
Any New Year's Wishes?
That's freaking...
What's his face?
CNN's Anderson Cooper.
It used to be Anderson Cooper and what's-her-face, the comedian,
who had that weird thing with Trump
where she said that Trump was after her after she made the comments,
where she took the picture.
Yeah, he got his fucking head off.
The redhead, yeah.
What was his name?
Kathy Furbush.
Kathy Griffin, yeah, yeah.
So CNN let her go, and then they got Andy Cohen
and saying that they're best friends, these two are best friends.
What the fuck they're talking about?
They've got Andy Jewin over here.
Jewin it up.
I'm sorry, guys.
I don't...
They killed Jesus.
I don't know.
I don't know what you're talking about.
CNN's coverage.
They got rid of Kathy Griffin for saying the anti-Trump thing and then...
But then they got what?
They got some other dude there now and he's no Kathy Griffin.
I'm just trying to say...
Oh, like you're saying that she used to be...
She was a better host?
Yeah.
This is an outrage.
She was sucking worse and worse every year.
I'm banging my fist on the desk
Fuck me
Come on man who watches the fucking
Broadcast television
Well I watch CNN
So alright
Are you in the airport
Or getting brakes done on your car
No
Listen that's the 5 minute alarm here brought to you by
Amazon Echo
Stop Echo
I like how we couldn't hear it
Yeah well it was low Brad
Okay
vPorto
I'm sorry
Sorry
I just
Dude, Brad
Hey, I'm lovin' it, man
I know me and you talk smart home technology all the time
I got my smart thermostat here
I got a Zen thermostat
I decided not to go with the Nest
Like everyone else does
Because
Fuck Nest
Fuck that company
Oh, hey
Damn, I wish you would've sent
Because, um
I still have a Nest
That
What Tristan
Had sent to me
Because he was trying to do some kind of scam
Okay
Like
But it wasn't worth
Like sending
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
I do. Oh, no, I was just wondering. Wait, I don't know. What was I asking? Shit. I don't know. Thanks a lot, Matt Kellogg. Yeah, let's hear it for Matt.
I apologize. I'm sorry. No, it's not your fault. I'm just saying it's good to give people something to holler about.
I can't hold a thought for more than like five seconds. I can't either. And look, and you've been off a week for months now and you're still it takes a while. Right? Yeah.
Hey, like, is it the best thing ever for you? Like to have the Alexa and just yell out the music you want to hear when you're high?
tikka masala papadum Carlito Laugh Track
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
PPC
PPC
PPC
PPC
PPC
PPC
PPC
Circle K Play New Year's Music
Circle K Put A Customer On The Phone For The Weekly Customer Survey
This Is The Corporate Office
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
We're back. We'll take a break. Happy New Year, everybody.
We're at 42 seconds, actually.
Carlito, do you like Alizé?
I've had it. It's all right. It's too sugary for me now with diabetes, you know?
Man, I'm sorry.
25 seconds, everybody. All right. Happy New Year, my loves.
Okay, I guess we're back.
I hit the power button on my computer with my foot right when I was getting up for New Year's.
Are you guys still there?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
I left my alcohol somewhere. Shit.
Don't stand back up. We don't want to have this shit right here.
No, no, no. Oh, there it is. TV. Shit. I've got to turn the volume down on it.
Call the wife. Call the wife to come get it.
No, she's fucking drunk too and annoying.
Yeah, I don't want to talk about something.
Let me get a call going here that one of you will do.
There goes the audio bad again.
I'm going to do a call that one of you will do so I can run and get my Grey Goose vodka over there.
You're more wet.
The Moet's gone. We killed a bottle of Moet in that whole time.
Shit.
I got some Jose Cuervo right here.
60, 70 bucks on Jose Cuervo.
Alright, Cuervo, Cuervo, Cuervo Gold.
What do you got there? You got the cheap stuff?
It's super fast time.
Hey, Carlito, that guy you say that you called and he got hella mad at you that you say is Mexican.
I don't think that guy's Mexican.
Mexican?
The one that goes like, chinga tu madre.
The one you have and sometimes you play it.
Chinga tu madre?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm playing that uh that uh group you were talking about Dom pretty cool stuff I was listening
to it today um hello this is Steve Dave from the corporate office and I'm calling to do the
weekly customer survey do you have a customer in there I could speak with and just do a quick
survey with them there's no customers in there oh what about like outside is there any about to come
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Steve Day from the corporate office with Circle K
Hi
Hi I'm just calling to do the weekly customer survey
Do you have a customer in there I could speak with?
Just do a quick survey with them
Free drink, coupon
Hi who's this?
Hi this is Melissa who am I speaking with?
This is Steve Day from the corporate office with Circle K
I'm calling to do the weekly customer survey
We don't do that here
Oh yes we do we just started
We used to do it on the back of the receipts and people weren't filling those out
So now we just call in once per shift per month
We don't have those here. I've been here for six months. I know you probably just happen not on your shift
We usually do them in the daytime, but we're behind because of the new year
Can I have back in like an hour? I have to call the manager. Uh, no. No, you know what?
Fuck you put a customer on you stupid. Ho
I said fuck I said the fuck word
No, no, I just want to do a survey it's for the corporate office
I'm trying to get money.
How would you get money from a survey?
I don't know. Get the customer to give you their credit card.
Yeah.
Let's try that.
Hackers. Yeah, let's do that.
Hey, we can take your payment over the phone right now.
Speak to them.
Dude, I see
back in the late 90s,
I used to do pranks with my ex-girlfriend and we
were calling. We were straight up
cold call, two in the morning, random numbers
locally. And I would
say, yeah, I'm with the power company.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Western Union
Western Union
I got him to go down there
but I never gave him the correct info
he never probably would have been able to do it
anyway look guys
Prank Call here's another Circle K
we're going to get you on man
it's going to work this time
I'm sure of it
what you doing over there man
thank you for calling Circle K
1364 is Laurie how may I help you
hey Laurie this is Steve Dave
from the corporate office with Circle K
Call Nation Madhouse Live
What's your name?
What's your name?
This is Roy, Jerbel, Steve, Dave.
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. What?
You heard me. Come on.
Just put a customer on the phone. You don't have to do all this.
No, I will not do that.
Let me call my market manager.
What's your number? I'll have her call you.
Look on your caller ID, dummy.
Oh, yeah, now I know you're not from corporate.
Goodbye.
We're the hackers.
That's what did it to the dummy.
We're the computer hackers.
We're a stealer hacker.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
My calendar says 2016 Hey this is Carl from the corporate office with Circle K
I was calling to do the weekly customer survey do you have a customer there I could speak with
let's do a quick survey oh there's nobody in there yeah there is one person right now
oh okay that's perfect we just need to do a quick survey with them it'll just take a
just just a minute and they get a free drink out of it okay let me ask him if he's willing
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Albert, how often do you come to this location?
This particular one, maybe two or three times a week because it's right by my work.
Two to three, okay, great.
And what do you normally purchase when you come in?
Is it food products, the already made food products, sodas?
What would you say you purchase mostly?
I don't buy, I have an electric car, so I don't buy gas.
So I just swing by and I get sugar-free Red Bull, bubble gum, chips, but usually sugar-free Red Bull.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
And let me see here.
It appears that we have everything we need for the server.
We're going to give you the $25 gift card.
Do you need some Procolactics for tonight?
Do you need some condoms for your New Year's celebrations?
I would hope so, but I don't think so.
Okay, we're going to go ahead and give you two packs of the Trojan.
Do you need the big ones, or are you just good with the regulars?
I always get the Magnums.
The Magnums.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
look for the owners to reimburse you
and i'm not going to do that
well i think you should do it because i'm from corporate but i'm not going to
have a little pocket no
when you just have to write in i'll you'll invent the owners with a
human the morning
um... man
talking to a man
you know i'm a little concerned here i'm just remembering now
back in two thousand i let's say
um...
i was in my lunch break
at work and he was a saturday and i drove to one of the gas station i was
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
growler cans of still reserve
Matt you can relate with me here
to be able to get drunk as fast as I can
to be able to get drunk as fast as I can
on my break
and there was a lady
standing there
inside the store
and she asked me do you like cigars
Hispanic lady
and I said yeah
and she goes oh cool you want some free cigars
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I'm a real nigga yeah so really good so do you tell me what you think all right so then all right
I get this I get to the to check out to get my beer and she butts she just says on the side say
hey yeah she's like yeah give me another one of those right there whatever and she she's she pays
for it all right okay and she gives it to me like cool all right yeah promotion kind of worried
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
No No Nothing Happened To Me Nothing Happened To Me I Went Back To Work I Was Drawn But I Wasn't I Wasn't Like She Took A Picture Of Me With It I Did A Thumbs Up You Know And Then She That Was It So To This Day I Wondered Was She Trying To Like Get Me On Something Like Was She What Was That About Yeah It Was So Shady I Know I Don't Know What The Like Like Her Come Up Would Be Like Like Find This Motherfucker He's A Big Corporate And I Got Him In The Hood Smoking Blunts
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Dead Saturday
You know like I was working
And it was dead
And I was probably really high
Like you and the stupid Canadian geese
And nothing else
Like around the corporate park
Yeah
Weird right weird
I don't know
It just
It does not seem like it was an actual corporate promotion
It seems like it was some weird shady fucking shit
That I don't know what
Where
Where I
Where I turned up with like
Find this man
Who was smoking marijuana blunt
And he's the murderer
This is our guy
You know
I have no idea I think she planned wrong you're supposed to smoke the one to completion
she had the second one with the fish hook in it when it got in your mouth she was gonna hook you
no she bought it from behind the counter it was a fresh pack but I'm saying while you were smoking
the whole first one she was she was hooking up the second one was she wearing a t-shirt that
Trigger Happy
Trigger Happy TV
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I used to go to one leger store in the hood that always had fucking handouts
Speaking of the lady with the blunts
Like there'd always be broads there with shots
Like all the time
It was fucking great
Trigger Happy TV
Free Keebo in the IRC room saying it was funny as fuck
I don't think it was a very underrated show
I think a channel called Dead Parrot on YouTube has them all
Really?
Very underrated
I'll see it. I'll put it in the chat. Yeah, but look for the minor. I think his first name is Tariq with minor
He's a very I've seen him in other stuff dude is funny. I hope he blows up one day man
But the guy that did that episode it's it's really funny check that out. I would have to find what episode it is
Hey, do you guys remember real quick? We're gonna do more pranks, man
But do you guys remember at some point 97 through 98?
I would say maybe 96 or 98 there was out there were a lot at least for where I live there were a lot of
Prank VHS Tape
I just turned it off, man.
When they get out of hand like that, I just turn it off.
I feel you, man.
I wouldn't I wouldn't pay that much yeah it's a group of wankers out there
and even me talking about it now defeats the purpose so yeah I know I blame
myself yeah no it's not your fault did you always want to say that because you
think you brought that element in here no dude it's just a consequence of us
being good at what we do that's all we do take that take that haters haters
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The Big News of 2017
Closed Captioning provided by the Amara.org community
Mad Stories are good
Mad Stories are good
Fucking story mode
Alright so we gotta
Paper 2017 wasn't that much better
than 2016
Well at least like we didn't lose any prince level
people this
last year I guess we should say
This last year for you guys still
You know what I'm saying?
We have no information
His cell phone is disconnected
I tried to call the cell phone number I had for him
for years and it's not working
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Off The Phone Losers
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'd be might be more than it's not like a shame thing. It's like a logistic issue
Dude, we gotta do a Chicago meetup what they do cuz we can get you
You we got I won't do without Brad and I won't do without milkman. Well, that's the rules. Yeah, sorry
I'm gonna go to Chicago. Oh, come on. Yeah, you got peeps out there, man
Yeah, come on. Do you have no excuse?
Yeah, we'll get John and Dwight said they drive out there too. There you go
I have an excuse I can't leave you can't leave yeah well no they'd let me
if I really needed to but no they like yeah yeah I'm like an eight-month
probation thing what's almost for business like oh you think you're going
on some fucking pleasure cruise over here yeah you know the motherfucker said
watch us are gonna we'll call it we'll rat you out
I got recordings of it talking about this was not business it was definitely
I
Act like I hate it yet. I listened to it and tried to destroy it
It was good already with other phone terrorists don't matter. Nobody wants to go to Chicago in the fucking wintertime anyway
Oh my god, dude, my uncle wanted me to go out there one year. I was like fuck that
He was out there Navy Pier fuck on New Year's Eve freezing his dick off
Dude I imagine he was awful
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
The Brill Building Good old days at the Brill Building, yeah?
Remember that time I hit you with that record on the head, Brad?
I fuckin' knocked you out for a week.
That was a bummer.
I love that prick.
Juggie Gales.
He's like, uh, huh, yeah, huh.
What did he say, Frank Sinatra and him were jerking each other off under the mixing boards?
I can't remember this.
Oh my god.
Guy, the guy on the fuckin' call.
I hit you on the head with a record.
Why would he just burn real hard and knock them out for a week?
Oh, my God.
Whatever, man.
I'm going to have to play that at some point.
I'll tell you what.
I'll tell you what.
Dom, Moet, Rosé, and some vodka cranberry.
That's a good combination, motherfucker.
I'm drinking vodka cranberry.
My wife called me a faggot because she said I'm drinking Cosmopolitans.
I'm like, no, I'm drinking vodka cranberry, bitch.
I said like that and I threw it in her face.
Ooh.
Did you back in?
We did hear that we, it's like that one time we almost called the domestic on Kurov over there.
Why?
And then we just decided to hang up.
Remember that?
I remember a few of the times.
He called the domestic on Kurov.
What?
We were like, hey, maybe we should broadcast.
This is something It's like there's going to be police activity
Isn't Kurob the dude Dwight why did he hate you so much what was that about
I don't know I blame it mostly on him he used to just fly off the handle for no reason
and so like I would just I would just like to fucking aggravate him so like
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I bought Corbel at a 7-Eleven once in Orlando on New Year's Eve.
Oh, but you're going to get your dick wet that night.
That's a long story.
I know, bro.
You had like a big old stupid car at that time.
I was in the middle of a really bad relationship.
She was fucking me with me that night.
I broke her sliding glass door.
I left super drunk off my ass at midnight.
The worst time to be driving around drunk is probably New Year's Eve.
And I fucking did.
I mean, I was belligerent about it.
I was like, fuck this, fuck a bitch.
And I did get my dick wet, let's just say.
It wasn't with my girlfriend.
It was with blood.
I went home and I got on that AOL messenger and that ICQ and I hooked it up.
That's all I'm going to say.
I hit up one of my side bitches.
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
All right, I'm just gonna stop my music when I hear that. Here we go. Planet Fitness, everybody. Yeah, we got to do like a lunk alarm for the New Year's. Oh, that's if you got to go off right. I bet I could get him to do a lunk alarm for New Year's. It's didn't connect. They pick up in here. It's weird. Did they pick up in here, Matt, Matthew? I'm sorry. No, it's okay. Wait, is that it? Is that me?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I know I did too. I don't know where that came from. I don't know either, but I'm scared
That was definitely
Audio I heard the toot-toot. Oh, no, that was your hang-up. Are you sure that's not yours Brad?
I think that was Dom like just
Fitness and fooling us
The ringing with my mouth
Come on you're like you're like the dude from Police Academy the colored guy
Like
Your like
Like
Your like
Your like motorbump shows
Wuh huh
So, Brad I thought you had a number, come on
What's going on?
Oh, I'll try again
Alright
I don't know what happened though, like it was weird
We're gonna end up going right through New Years
Oh, well this is uh, this is uh
East, East, uh, Eastern Time Zone
Maybe I should be calling the middle time zone
Make this a quick one, quick one
The center, the center one
You should snap at him. What do you say, Claire?
Jet phone
I thought that was something like Jet Crabs
I mean, there's jet in both of them.
This one isn't picking up.
Let me try a central time zone, though, because, you know, it's almost time for that.
I don't think you get to eat.
I don't know where they would.
Jet.
I don't know.
I think you get to eat pizza tonight and drink.
How can I help you?
Hey, Wendy, this is Steve Day from the corporate office with Planet Fitness.
Yes.
Hey there.
Were you having problems with your computer there?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Here we go, hopefully it doesn't burn out and catch on fire before New Year's, you know
You know, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know, hopefully it doesn't burn out before the New Year's is started
Are you having a good New Year's Eve? I can't I'm sorry. I can't hardly hear you. What was that?
Are you having a good New Year's Eve?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
Oh, no, it's okay. Yeah, we're just ringing in the new year. How many minutes until midnight?
Is midnight almost there?
One minute.
Oh, it's ramping up. Any second, it's gonna go.
Three way.
Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, crap. I think New Year's is ruined. What happened? Did it turn off?
Yeah, it turned off.
I think it may have overheated. Darn, we were so close.
Heated.
Yeah. Yeah. How many minutes till midnight? Carlito, how are we doing on the time?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Creamy
did
not
answer
the
phone
happy
new
year
2018
losing
your
job
you
get
fired
as I
always say
work is
for
suckers
happy
new
year
remember
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The way I feel is that this is Lunk Alarm, first of all, it's a form of discrimination, whether or not it's against a group of asshole people who are Lunkers.
Oh no, Carlito, you're wrong, it's a judgment-free zone.
No, but, yeah, I know, that's what they say, but they're hypocrites.
I think that's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard of, honestly.
They're hypocrites, but whatever, whatever works for them, but I'll tell you what, that alarm there is way against regulation code.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
You think after they cool down though do you think they start working again?
29th December 2017
I think our mission should be to rid the world of luck alarms.
It should be.
How does that work?
How do brushes do that?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I always wanted to see if I could get it where I can get them to redo the breakers while people are working out and cause the machines to shut down so they go flying go flying off the but I they I've had them shut down breakers but they never get the ones that that handle the the treadmills and such.
Carlito Laugh Track
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt you are one stupid fucking broad just turn it off breakers to a voice on the end of the line
there's people on the crowd right now because you're so fucking stupid you're so stupid you're
gonna get fired you're such a dumb broad oh my god oh i fucking love you you ding that what is
Are you really talking like this? Yeah, I think I could easily trick you to blow in me in the shitter
Go out and look at the people
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
This is a joke.
You turned off equipment.
The police now have your phone number.
Oh, thanks.
And it'll be returned.
They don't.
They don't.
Oh, yeah?
Jesus Christ.
1-661-748-0240.
That's, yeah, that's possibly a Skype number, huh?
Yeah, there you go.
All right.
This man is a bad guy.
Yeah.
Here's another Circle K.
I decided, you know, fuck that whole,
Call Nation Madhouse Live
call from oh and you didn't put a customer on you're supposed to put a
customer on it's the weekly customer service oh are there any outside coming
in no okay I'm gonna have to transfer you to my supervisor just a minute hello
hello hey doing that this is Blake I'm the supervisor on duty I can help you
call me and ask on to do a survey oh yeah yeah we do the weekly customer
surveys yes that's correct yeah I haven't heard of this so let me just
talk to my manager oh yeah it's a quality control service that we're
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I think I'm going to order me some M&Ms.
Circle K, everybody.
We got more alarm callers?
Thank you for calling Circle K.
This is Jen.
How can I help you?
Hi, Jen.
This is Cross.
I'm with the corporate office here with Circle K.
I'm looking to do our monthly customer survey.
Is there a customer available I can speak with?
I'm actually on my 10-minute break right now, so I had to close the store.
You had to close the store?
So there's no one in the store for 10 minutes.
I'm making a note of this because that's crazy.
Do you regularly have to do this?
Take a 10-minute break?
Well, that's fine.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
My goodness, that is not acceptable.
How do you feel?
How are things going there right now?
Are you being abused?
Huh?
Are you being abused?
Abused?
Well, just like, are they taking advantage of you?
Do they run you down?
I mean, are they stressing you out?
Be honest with me.
It's okay.
You can be honest.
You're not going to get in trouble.
I'm writing it down.
Okay.
Well, I mean, I don't really, not to be the type of person, but I just, I don't really
know who you are to be like giving out this sort of information.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, I'll give it to my supervisor.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I can't do that.
I just don't know if I'm supposed to turn off all the power in the whole store.
That resets our whole, like, our registers and everything else.
I haven't even closed.
Then I won't be able to use the register.
So that's why I'm calling my boss real quick to make sure that that's okay.
We'll turn on the backup machine from this end so none of the power will actually go out.
Okay, well, can I just, like, literally, we have a five-minute rule,
and I just want to follow all the rules before I start doing anything that you're asking me to do.
Like the Raffy McRapperson song.
Yeah, basically.
4-2-6-0
4-2-6-0
And then what's the prefix?
What? No, I was calling my boss.
Oh, and what's the area code, though? Same area code as you?
Okay, you're just, okay, literally you're stressing me out right now.
Can you just wait two seconds so I can get my boss on the phone?
Okay, alright, I don't want to stress you out on your break.
Hey, can I put you on hold for one second?
I'm just going to put you on hold. You'll just hear hold music for one second.
I've got to adjust myself.
Hey, hey, wait, he's here. Hello?
Hello?
Pussy good, pussy sweet, pussy good enough to eat my pussy good
Okay, I'm back.
Okay, hold on one second.
I'm putting you on speakerphone.
So, I have this, because this guy is calling me.
He said he's from the corporate office.
And he wants me to answer a whole bunch of questions.
And then he wants me to flip all the switches off in the store.
Like all the breaker switches off in the store.
And then turn them back on.
I can't hear you.
Huh?
Do it?
Do it?
My boss wants to know why you want him to turn it off.
Tell him for the lulz.
For the what?
Tell him because it'll be funny.
Okay.
Is this a prank call?
Oh, no.
No, I'm from the corporate office.
Because it'll be funny, sir.
Because it'll be funny.
It'll be funny.
Like, if all the lights go off, it'll be really funny.
It is Happy New Year.
Yeah, it's New Year's.
It's like a New Year's prank.
Yay!
Sir, the corporate generator kicks in.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The Generators Will Kick In
Oh, she went right up.
She's not having it.
Let's have her hook up the electrical panels.
Run a wire to the gas tank underground.
Yes.
So they'll kick in for the backup.
As if she could do that kind of work.
She's a woman.
Yeah, she's a fucking broad.
Come on, man.
I just picture her like a victim there all by herself.
Olga, could you do that?
Olga, be honest.
Could you do that?
If Brad tried to walk through it.
Do what?
Exactly, see?
Could I have you run the wires from your home electrical panel to the underground gas
tanks real quick?
Oh, yeah, sure.
She's one of them kind of frauds, though.
That's it, correct.
You could do it all day.
She's an aberration.
I don't know about that.
We'll walk you through it.
Yeah, what's up?
Hey, I posted that number of that planet.
Okay, am I helping you?
Hi, this is Cross.
I'm calling from the corporate office.
Good evening and happy new year.
Happy new year.
We're good for you.
Hi, we need to do the monthly customer survey.
Do you have a customer?
It sounds like one just came in.
We'd like to complete that customer survey.
No, we don't have any customers in the store right now.
Hi, just heard one come in.
They are leaving, sir.
All right, can we conduct the survey with you?
Who's that?
Who's that?
That is my trainee that I'm training for Graveyard.
And who did he call boss?
Who did he call boss?
That would be me.
Put your trainee on the phone, sir.
I don't need to talk to the trainee.
Put your trainer on the phone.
This is Cross with the corporate office.
I don't need to talk to the piss ant.
Put your trainer on the phone, please.
Can I have your ID number, please?
1282.
1282.
Okay, well, there are no managers on the ship right now.
No, you're a trainer.
You're a trainer.
Let's go.
Nobody from corporate would be calling.
You don't know shit.
You're a little shit.
You're a piss ant in training still.
Shut the fuck up.
Put him on, asshole.
Motherfucker, you.
Have a good night.
No, fuck you.
You're fired.
You're fired.
Get the fuck out.
Get out of here.
Clock out and get out.
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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I don't know, maybe they're open to fucking vagrants and shit. I don't know.
I love it.
We're sorry. You have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.
I liked it. That was nice, dear.
Oh, Brad, did any of you guys listen to those fucking things I was posting on the phone with Lizard Group?
The
Old
Audiobooks
About
Phone
Freaking
That
Were
Super
Neat
I
Heard
Most
Of
His
Stuff
Recently
Some
Dudes
Started
Putting
Them
On
YouTube
They're
Really
Fun
This
Is
Good
Shit
I
Really
Like
That
Just
Listen
To
The
Fucking
Shit
You
Can
Hear
This
Kind
Of
Switch
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Mr. Dwight
Are you there?
I'm trying to get him on
Mr. Dwight
You're going to hear some hold music for a minute ma'am
We'll put you on hold and he'll be right there, okay?
Alright, here's Mr. Roy
Mr. McClanahan's in the toilet
Hey there, this is Roy from the corporate office
I was just going to do the customer survey
Do you have a customer in there I can speak with?
One who just came up
I don't know if he wants to take the survey
But I can ask him
Oh yeah, that'd be great
Tell him he'll get a free drink
And a free hot dog
And free everything
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
On a scale of 1 to 10, how big is the biggest dick that's ever been in your asshole?
You guys got me.
I got her.
Got her.
Got her good.
Hey Carlito, can you call the number I posted?
Sure buddy, sure.
Let me get that.
Let me see.
Is that in the Skype?
Yeah, in the Skype here.
I can do this.
You think so?
Prank Caller Brad
Prank Caller
Prank Caller
Prank Caller
Prank Caller
Hi, remember that time I got you to set off your lunk alarm?
And it just kind of kept going until it stopped?
But, like, looking back, do you see the humor in that?
Is it a good way to ring in the New Year's?
Oh my, so what, yeah.
That's cool. I'm glad you're not upset about it. You sound pretty awesome.
Is it working again?
Yeah, I'm trying.
Now let's test it out real quick.
No.
We may need you to go and reset some breakers.
Is it working?
Yeah, they'll fix it. No, it's not working. They'll fix it.
I think it tripped a breaker. I think you need to go flip all the switches. Oh my gosh
No, it's cool
Real this time
She was awesome though, like I figured I think I think she's high as a kite. Yeah. Yeah, she's real sniffy this fucking
New Year's Eve. She's a big black robot. Yeah, you can't be a big person working at plant
I guess you're good.
You're the best guy ever.
Good night.
She's like, whatever.
That fix doesn't work.
It's really fucking.
I got to work on New Year's.
I'm getting out.
You don't get a fuck.
Yeah, yeah.
If I had to work on New Year's Eve at this at noon on midnight, I'm getting drunk.
Oh, yeah.
Like and then some prankers fuck with you.
Like right as the bill comes out your nose.
Yeah.
Thanks, guys.
But need to be.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I ordered some pizza. Come on in. I got these magazines. They're really cool. Check them out.
I'll give you access to my Patreon if you let me do the back rub.
That's what I do.
Back rubs, though. Come on, man.
The energy work with the crunch band.
I pull a Captain Crunch on it. I call that move my crunch man.
You call it the crunch man energy work.
So, can we try another Lunk Alarm, though?
Like, where can we look at?
Where can we look at for a plan of fitness?
We could try one, like, in a half hour, like, when it's, like, Mountain Time Zone.
Yeah.
Well, you gotta find one that's open now.
You should do the groundwork now, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
You're in the groundwork.
You're gonna face the groundwork.
That was nice.
I like that zing.
I'll call one in Vegas since that's in Mountain Time Zone.
Nashby?
Is Nashby connected, even?
Yeah, it's me. Yep. I'm your boss
Is that you were Brad no, that's what you sound like dude, really? Yes, he's imitating. He's a perfect dead-on impression
I don't think I am anymore.
Yeah, that's exactly what you sound like.
So, uh, Vegas is on Pacific Time, actually.
Oh, shit.
You're wrong. It's Mountain Time.
You fucking got it all wrong.
Alright, alright. What's open in Salt Lake City right now?
I know you used to go to church there, right?
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
The
numbers are in the chat
you should tell someone we got to transfer them to the automated system
and then just like start talking to them like that i am the i am the automated system
yeah all right my mouse is being retarded i think i'm just drawing
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I mean, why? I don't get Google Home, you're saying?
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I could Google...
I okay Google my phone all the time.
My car and shit.
Yeah, but you know, like, there's the Google Dot thing,
or whatever they call it.
The Home?
The Google.
Yeah, yeah, for $50.
I'm already invested in Alexa, dude.
Like, I did that first, and I stuck with it.
Because, honestly, I like the idea of being able to order from it.
So, that's to Amazon's credit.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Hey y'all I was going to piss and get another beer but I was getting up my legs are like cramping up but I can barely walk so I'm gonna go ahead and go thanks for having me on
You're awesome Matt that call was hilarious
I love you Matt you're the best
Thanks guys
Cheers y'all
Happy New Year Matt
Cheers y'all
Bye Matt
Bye Matt
Be careful
Don't fall okay
Again
Oh man I'm worried about Matt
See he gets like this every New Years right
Like he gets
He gets super
He falls down
He shit his pants in the hallway last year at New Years
What the fuck
Let's do a welfare check
Hey hey don't fuck it around about that
It was real last year
We gotta do a welfare check on him
Yeah let's send the cops out there
Let's call a SWAT test
He'll appreciate it
SWAT test
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Madhouse Live
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Madhouse Live
I hope someone recorded that and we get to hear it someday.
I just, when I heard that, I was just like, it's just fucking wild.
And then, I mean, the cops got to feel horrible.
I mean, he played the next day on that drama alert, like the 911 call,
and this kid's talking about, like, he shot his dad,
and he's got his brother and his mom, like, in the closet at gunpoint,
making sure they don't come out.
And, like, that was a no-win situation for the cops.
I mean, what the fuck?
That's fucked up, man.
I've been saying for a long time that's gonna end up happening just like you said Brad
just wait until it happens
it's fucked up because it might affect us
with the fucking phones and shit
they're doing our pranks
and then the scope gets turned on us
and we're not doing anything bad
I'm glad they caught the guy
the autistic guy
now they have someone that did it
and it's not just like oh prank callers do this stuff
one of those prank callers
it was like
they said like a handful of years ago
Madhouse Live
Are you calling from 1988 right now?
Yeah, dude, come on, man.
Nashville, do we want to hang up and call back, maybe?
Hang on, let me try something.
I'll be right back.
All right, come on.
I'll be right back, bud.
I'll be back in a couple minutes.
It's like his tires and his DeLorean are out of balance,
and it's just vibrating the shit out of his phone while he's trying to talk.
God damn, I'm telling you, man.
All right, well, let's go back to some park band numbers,
see if any of those pick up.
They haven't really picked up,
Park Old Man
Chris T. Schrefer Photographs
I think he's from Metroid
The same
Yeah, the same
Let me try the different headset, I'll be right back
Okay, please
Okay
Alright, here we get internet service from HughesNet
That's satellite service from what I understand
Satellite internet
How fast is satellite internet?
From what I remember it was always like 500k down
Thank you for calling about HughesNet service
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Press 2
You have reached our sales team after hours
Our normal business hours are
8am to midnight eastern time
Monday
Unless I can get support
I went to sales
Let's try support
Thank you for calling about HughesNet Service
Now offering our next generation
Satellite internet service
Gen 5
Your call may be recorded to confirm quality
If you are an existing customer
Press 1 now
If you've already placed an order, but haven't been installed yet, press 1.
If you are calling to upgrade to new Gen 5 service, press 2 now.
To speak to our technical support or billing department, dial 866-347-3292 or press 3 now.
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If your call is not urgent, we recommend that you use our self-help account management functionality at supportcenter.myhuesnet.com or consider calling back later.
If your request is urgent, please remain on the line, and one of our support representatives will be with you as quickly as possible.
I've been told that the reason NASHP's have a problem is NASHP's internet is in a polygamous relationship, and that's why his bandwidth sucks.
I didn't find an account with that phone number
Perhaps you have a different number listed on the account
No, transfer me through all the fucking shit
God damn it, cock shit, bitch
Or, or, or
I'll tell you, Carlito
For Christmas
Sorry, I'm having
Sure, what are you looking to do today?
You can say account changes
Service changes
Move my service
Or cancel my service
Neither
Thank you
Waste of time
What was that?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
What the hell is this?
I had a nice meal last night
I don't know
I didn't say Erko
I don't know what my egg was talking to me
Circle K's
Unless we know where some planet fitnesses are open
that would be great
We got a one in five minutes
What's that?
What?
Call one to ring in the new year
Yeah
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Now we're in the corporate office. Hi, we're looking to do a monthly customer survey. Is there a customer there now we can do the survey with that will receive a $20 gift card via email?
I do.
Can you ask if they'd be interested? It's a quick three-minute survey.
Okay, hold on. Are you guys interested in doing a survey? And you'll get $20 cash back? No email?
They can get it right now on their purchase.
Sorry, I can't.
Lord, is there anyone else there?
Nope.
What do I do you know like it's it's real stressful here they won't let me
leave until I guess ten of these done and okay you can call in the morning
talk to the manager not now sorry man can we kiss can you kiss me if I come
down there will you kiss me which time you ever had your booty late we don't
have email fucking liar who does yeah these days you're born with email Dom
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Alamode
Alamode
I made some
little flurries for my
niece pickles the other day
oh nice
I had a blender I threw some
french vanilla
ice cream in with a little bit of milk
and some
Reese's peanut butter cups and Reese's
pieces in there and I fucking blended the
shit out of that
and she put chocolate syrup in there too and I was like
there you go there you go there's some
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Tron hey how you doing this is Carlito Carlito I'm calling from the corporate office sorry I'm like huh oh that's okay I'm not upset we're looking to do our monthly customer survey is there someone there we can talk to right now I'm not honestly I'm the only one I hear other people there yeah there's so there is customers there yes so why can't you ask to see if I can do a survey with one okay hold on one second animal can you do a survey please sir yes hello hello my name is cross I'm with the corporate office we're going to connect a quick
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
bbw bbw bbw bbw bbw bbw bbw bbw
Well, you know, we're looking at security cameras, and yeah, I would say, yeah, you could stand to lose a few, definitely.
I think you could go to get pounds in your dick, you.
She got you, man.
That got serious.
Carlito, I'm gonna quit.
Get a few pounds in your dick.
That was fucking hurtful.
I know.
Can you imagine, like, if you gained a few pounds in your dick?
I mean, that'd be ridiculous.
Yeah, if you gained a pound, that'd be a lot.
How you'd be swinging around town?
That's called a tumor, I think.
Nah.
Damn.
You need to learn that you know words hurt you you know that can be really hurtful
Your call cannot be completed
Please check the number
Here is Planet Fitness in the mountain time machine
You got a two pound dick you better start applying for porn
You better get surgery to get that reduced Matt cause I don't know
You're starting to give yourself back problems
You wouldn't be able to fuck any girls
After about your third girlfriend you've fucking blown your own pelvis out
You're like I just can't fucking do it no more
I'm gonna have a hip replacement. That would seem painful. I don't know if I think a woman would. Have you seen the guy in Mexico with the fucking 20 inch dick or whatever? Or it's like 25 inches or something. Yeah, but it's thin. Don't worry about it. Like it goes down to his ankle. He can stand to gain a few pounds on the dick. My dick's an innie, not an outie. And she goes inside. You're going on a show. Oh, an innie. Oh, man, that's bad. Uh, did he answer for you or he just found the numbers, Mr.
I was surprised that one was open, that's crazy
What town was that again? I know I asked that already, but what town was that again?
Um, I don't know, like, is it Illinois? Like below Chicago?
It's a big town, nothing really big in the mountain
You're calling Planet Fitness, located at 4848
Armex, 24 hours, 7 days per week
Apologize for missing your call, leave a detailed message
I guess they're...
Bullshit.
Alright, here's another one.
Trevon, I'm in there.
It's already midnight there.
I'm gonna go in general chat and yell a little bit.
You're gonna go in general chat and yell?
Hey, fuck all you guys, motherfuckers, yeah!
I just yelled that in the general chat here at discord.gg4slashpranks.
There you go.
You showed them a thing or two.
Got them.
There it is.
Not looking.
I posted one more in Utah.
Guess I should check them.
It's alright.
It's alright.
It's alright.
We can look ahead for Los Angeles.
Nashby checking in with a number?
Probably the Bunny Ranch.
Yeah. Air Force Amy.
Hang on, let me stand up.
That's the end of your mountain time.
Let me stand up and salute that.
Looks like an old catcher's mitt.
You're the one.
Happy New Year, Nashby.
You're the one that hung up on me twice.
I hope they're loyal to kind of make that leather pliable.
They tied it around.
Nashby, did any of those girls sell it?
They did.
They will.
Did they? Did you ever do that?
Did you ever pay for it?
No.
No.
I want Nashby to go back just for kicks.
Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number.
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I hope that when you die they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom so when you
die you open a trap door at the bottom you check the GPS and you go straight down to the hell
Madhouse Radio is back you are bigger than a woman you are better than a woman we'll always
be behind you do not let a woman ever ever make you who you are wrong pervert motherfucker
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Answer, it's a random number.
ID.
It's been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.
Matt Sloth is not available.
I had to hold on to see what it said.
All right, well, there we go.
I tried to call him his back off.
Tried to call him his back off.
I should what?
What did you say, boy?
You're breaking up still.
Are your kids over there doing torrenting or something?
Your music's louder than you are.
I just turned it down.
I just turned it down.
I turned it down.
Yeah.
Bancho.
Turn it down.
Turn it down.
Okay.
All right, what are we calling here?
Back to the list of parkman numbers that really haven't picked up tonight, but that's okay. He tried neighborhood watch products
Okay, sure. I sent you some twitter complainers in the uh, hey direct messages to you. That's that's the juice right there
Let's do that. Did you notice the complaints board? They're like blocking out the numbers now, are they getting wise to it?
What's that? They're getting wise to people's games. I think so people are not putting their numbers on
I think it's automated like it's like it they post their numbers and it like
replaces it with something else now whatever after these Twitter
complainers it is in motels hotel motel how they do I do you have your toilet
sound effects there I can grab them grab those we'll need those because I don't
have to adjust my sounds you can say a robot let off some fireworks
Matt Baz Milkman
How loud does this sound?
I hear nothing.
Oh, you don't hear anything?
Oh, hang on.
I got to share a sound effect.
You silly.
Share a system sound or anything.
Let's go back here.
Easy.
I think that's doable.
Need to go up a little more?
Maybe a little bit.
Maybe a hair.
A coon's hair?
A little bit.
A little bit.
I think that's good.
Try a little bit higher.
There we go.
That's the sauce right there.
That's the gas.
Now we're cooking with gas.
Now we're cooking with butter.
Did you ever see that episode of Married With Children?
No.
Al's mother-in-law
The fat one who's upstairs on the sex line
She's got Griff all fucking
hooked on
talking to her and he wants to invite her for Christmas
Oh my god
You're cooking with butter
They never showed her, did they?
The mother-in-law
No, she just kept destroying the house by rolling over
like a plaster and shit was always falling
This show was so funny
It was a good show, classic show
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
they would always stop and get
oh fuck
now I'm gonna want some
YouTube super money
steaks and shit like that
yeah
oh the baby formula
that was always a big one
baby formula
that's that's indeed
all right look
so who's this twitter
complainer named
Scarlett
what's her problem
Scarlett Stack
is uh
she's a bitch
she's a bitch
yeah
I'm sick of her
complaining
yeah
uh
what's your
uh
Matt
can you
Matt
Dwight
can you tell me
because I don't
I
let me see
I play myself oh United okay okay okay oh yeah she thought uh she thought she was gonna get there
I think an hour before her next connection and she played herself thinking that was gonna happen
okay all right so we're with United all right excellent we always provide excellent customer
service for United your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system the next
one is a Comcast complainer if this one here doesn't pick up complaining about speeds being
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hello?
Yes, my name is Cross. I'm with Comcast.
You got any...
Hello?
I understand you're having trouble with your service speeds?
Your data speeds?
Yeah, me too.
What the fog?
He's fucking his woman. It's his woman. He's fucking her.
That's how she's doing it.
She's giving him instructions on how to fuck in the background.
She's like, you're doing it wrong!
Listen, faggot, I don't want you to call me again.
Hey, asshole, I'm with Comcast, motherfucker. I'll shut your service off.
You hear me?
What the fuck?
His woman sounds high maintenance.
The guy looks nothing like he sounds.
I'm just confused.
Alright, here's Big Jeff. What's Jeff's complaint?
What's his problem, fucker?
Apple complaint.
I don't know how to call him.
I want to make a purchase.
Has to call in all the time when he wants to make a purchase.
Four times in seven days.
Apple ID randomly selected by an algorithm.
Ooh, that would suck.
Been told there was nothing.
So they're on the, uh, they're on the surveillance list.
What are you doing?
It's a terrorist.
Fucking Jim.
Hello, you've reached Jeff Lawrence.
I'm not available right now.
Please leave me a message.
Hey, Carlito.
Since the repeal of net neutrality, have you noticed any difference in your speeds on your internets?
That's where I got it.
I noticed buffering on YouTube and shit.
Sometimes Netflix and YouTube.
Hey, my speeds have, like, tripled since then.
Yeah, and I'm paying the same price.
Obama was right.
They went from like 25 25 megabits per second to 75
The upload stayed the same but the download fucking triple
Yeah, they just increased that actually Dwight. Thank you AI system. Trump is always right. Thank you
Alright, let's see if Karen picks up Karen has a Starbucks complaint. What a bitch can't fucking believe her
I'm gonna punch her in the stomach the number you have reached
Well, well, man, go down.
It's just like Karen not being able to keep a phone number.
Listen to her problems.
Worst service ever.
Hot chocolate, no whipped cream.
Ooh, crappy service.
Ooh, uniform moron at walk-up window.
What?
There's a walk-up window?
No, she must take the drive-thru for the walk-up.
She probably walked up to.
It's like, ma'am, you're not supposed to walk up to the window.
I can't walk up.
It's freaking disappointing.
We can't serve you.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Get a Walmart, get the $12 rabbit ears and it's free.
What are you complaining about?
People just love to complain.
And this is it. This is it for the Twitters.
We just got one guy who was like, fuck off.
And I'll try him again.
At least I'm drunk. I hope people are entertained.
That's a good way to bring in the new year.
I hope people are entertained at least.
If not by the calls, just the stories.
Brad, are you having fun?
I guess it's all right no yeah I'm having fun too bad Jai couldn't show Jai was like you know
well I'm gonna might be out till one and I said well we're gonna be on till three dude like you
can be on he was always ready to give us shit when we he wants us to be around for cause of
mass confusion shit oh yeah I should have heard him complain when you were late he's got a kid
where the fuck is he going he's going on a daddy-daughter date whatever fucking gian he
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Don't say Gloryhole Foundation
Don't say your names
Don't say Brad Carter
Basically don't use your prank names
And don't reference
Your fucking shit
Identify any of us
Don't call myself Olga
No
Oh fuck
He's gonna crack me up
By talking to producers
He's gonna put up a $100 bond
To ensure that that happens
Alright here's the circle K real quick
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
This is non-binding arbitration.
I know, but I'm still not going to do it.
I'm going to put you through to my supervisor who can explain how this and how you're going to affect me and my metrics then.
All right?
Just a moment, please.
Mr. McClanahan?
Greetings.
Hello, sir.
Hi, how are you?
Great.
What was your name?
All right.
Fantastic, Chris.
And what time did you come on shift tonight?
Well, like I explained, my manager had just called.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Let me stop you right there.
Let me stop you right there.
That was a female that you just spoke to.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call back between 7 and 3.30 when the manager is here.
Okay, well, I don't answer to the manager.
Well, I do, unfortunately, for you.
Right, and so if we follow the chain of command, it goes corporate, regional manager, manager, store manager, and then you.
So, really, you answer to me.
Okay, and what is your employee ID number? I need to take this down for a report.
Okay, so you're denying a corporate-level employee information that they've requested.
I've requested a first name and I've requested an employee ID number.
I've not requested any personal information that wouldn't be available at the corporate level.
Yes, you can keep saying that, sir, but that doesn't make everything all good and well.
Sir, would you please wash the sand out of your vagina?
I got one-sided audio. It was good for many hours here, and it started again.
This motherfucker. God damn it.
One-sided audio?
Yeah, you can't tell. You can't tell.
You probably don't hear me.
Bad Puppy Biting the Wires
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm looking I don't see anything yet I think I have to change my thing hang on beef there was a call sent
try tell him to try again uh again again again fool try again sir you can add him to here if that
This is Julie with Reward Redemption.
You recently visited one of our affiliate websites.
And in appreciation, we have a $100 rebate voucher for you.
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press
cool we're good
give me another second
let me try to fix this shit
ok
same thing
uh huh
now it's working
ok
yeah Dom has some good
shitting sound effects
you need to share those
with me dude
honestly seriously
alright we're calling Nevada
dead last drop
is a Ramada gonna work
you think
no
oh what is this
what is this video
I see here
people farting on
thermal camera
well let's look at that
oh that's cool stuff
I've seen several of those
they're really cool
we got an incoming call
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
I can't deal with that, right? Are you done doing that?
This has been a very haphazard show I need those for the elevator calls
I said somebody ticket took a shit in the elevator and I'm stuck in there
What if they you know open the hatch, you know and start taking a shit into the no compartment
Yeah, they're on top of it. They're like I need to relieve my
Shitting from the top of the elevator customer service, man
I like that idea of just getting, climbing up into the elevator.
Hello, customer service, how can I help you?
Customer service, my name is Kulo, how can I help you?
Wait, he got up here.
Hello, customer service, how can I help you?
Customer service, customer service, how can I help you?
Hello, how can I help you?
Well, I heard that we won all $100.
You won $100. Is that what you heard on the computer?
So what's going on, y'all?
Hello?
What do I do now?
Yes, yeah. Are you with me, ma'am? What's going on?
Wally
You're very far away from the phone.
I'm not. I'm right here. I'm right here, honey.
Can you hear me?
Yeah, but how come you're calling me?
Because you won a $100 gift card.
And where do I get it at?
You get it. Where do you like? Do you like Walmart?
You like Walmart, honey?
Do you go to Walmart to buy fries?
Hello, customer service. Hello?
Yeah, I've been to Walmart. I'm always in Walmart.
Okay. Do you like fried foods?
Fried food?
Yeah.
No.
No, okay, what kind of food you like?
I'd rather have a blanket or a blanket or...
Do you want something you can put on your vagina?
No, man.
That was nasty, disgusting.
Hello, customer service.
Thank you for holding.
How can I help you?
Hello?
I thought that was real.
I never knew anything about that until that podcast.
I was like, what the fuck?
Why?
Can you guys not hear me?
Why the fuck?
Can you hear me?
I wrote an article about it on Phone Lizards.
Did you guys not hear me?
What's going on here?
Big Lie
Yeah, I always heard about this
big thing. I'd never heard the audio
but like I heard about this
lore of him getting swatted
and like the police coming in
or not swatted but raided
and then
I heard from that podcast. You're fucking shitting
me. That was a lie?
Alright, shut up. We got a call coming in. Be quiet.
Okay, okay. What the hell?
Echo, echo. I'm back. Customer service.
My name is S. How can I help you?
www.customerservice.co.uk
So this is going to be one of those calls.
You're going to think you're going to tell me what I'm going to do?
I told you what I want.
I want you to take me off your list.
Why are you talking so low like that?
Do you think that's more intimidating and I'll do what you want?
It's late at night.
Yeah, so I have to work.
I have bills to pay, you know.
I'm here.
We're drinking tonight here in the office.
We're doing calls, sales calls.
You need to be put on a do not call list, sir.
Yes, please.
All right.
29.99 a month
Do Not Call List Pro
Do Not Call List Pro
That will keep you from getting calls
for 60 days
at which point you'll be automatically re-registered
for 29.99 a month
for another 60 days
until your debit card expires
your credit card
we can put that on your Discover
Master Charge, Visa
we also accept Sears card
you have a Sears Charge card
are you stupid and slow
and you take a long time to say things
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
You're on.
Customer service, can I help you?
Yeah, you're calling my house and it's 12.15am and my kids are sleeping and my disabled grandma.
It's not me calling. It's the system calling.
Ma'am, I hear an echo. You need to stop echoing at me.
Excuse me?
You're echoing at me. Everything I say echoes back at me.
What kind of hobo phone are you on?
Hey, don't curse at me. I'm a Christian.
Next one is Dom. Dom, you're up.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm working on it we'll see what happens yeah yeah cool all right okay let's get back to here
the hotel plan that we had that we never got a hold of let's try that hotels Dwight let's do it
yeah I think I fixed my two I fixed I think I fixed my audio problem yeah I think oh yeah he
wouldn't answer hello and thank you for calling Motel 6 let's get a room let's get a room all
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
We are. We're not supposed to be in here, but we're in here.
We got in. We were being real quiet for New Year's.
Yep. Water's right.
Well, who was you in that room?
We got in.
You broke into the room?
Don't tell her I picked her up.
It wasn't that we broke in.
I mean, basically, we connected the USB thing to the door thing on the bottom under where the car goes.
And it went like that.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Lysol.
You know Lysol?
Yeah.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Subtitles by the Amara.org community
I
Wanted like, you know the movie where the water gets on the thing and it like comes alive or whatever
I wanted to say like the toilet water got on the Google and then I wanted you to like use your robot voices
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I just like to turn that valve, you know with the for the pipe for the flush turn that all the way open
You know and then flush it. Yeah, he gets that gone. I like to put a half voice
Hi, yeah, we're over here we're trying to flush the toilet we have sheet the bed sheets in the toilet
Yeah, we put them in the toilet to
Get rid of them because they they were dirty, you know, and there's water everywhere right now
Okay. All right. So we were wondering Kim a can you make the toilet go harder?
Can you make the toilet go hard click on the toilet icon? Can you increase the toilet pressure, please?
Oh, well, you know, what's why because you don't know how toilet works because you're from India
Do you not know how the toilet works because you're from India and you're used to defecating outside on the ground?
No, no, no, it's not that. If it is not working, I cannot do anything.
I went to India. I went to Bombay and the people shit outside on the ground.
Okay, if you have a problem with the...
It's 212. We're not supposed to be here, but it's 212.
Ya, and there's toilet water everywhere and we keep flushing it and it doesn't go down.
and it got into the Alexa Ya .
Ya we havin, uh you know alexa you know what is alexa we're not supposed to but we are
oh please sir you have to move out of the room
no we can't because we have to be here we have to have sleep now
this is our room this is not working
you came in wet
We are here. Now we are here. Now we are here and we belong here and we're going to be here.
So you have to move out of the room or I'll have to call 9-1-1?
No, no, you don't have to call 9-1-1. I mean you can but you don't have to.
Well where can we go? Where can we go? Where do you want us to go?
Wherever you want to but if you want to come here.
No, we come here, motherfucker. We're here, motherfucker. You understand, motherfucker? We're here.
Happy new year for us Brad and someone else
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