A Group of Like Minded Men
3 Feb 2018 · 54 min · 3,518 words · source
Transcript
I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito
That's my big amigo
So just kick back to listen to this cat call people
When this show goes live I be like damn this shit's bitchin'
Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen
You can catch me in the back of his home at Horse Machine Ranch Road
I'm busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos
My spit crazy, shout out to Big Amy
That's nice honey baby
We kissing pussy so ladies such a labor
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The store is closing for good, April 8th.
You can't get permanent.
The store is closed.
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Can I maybe get permanent?
Like, there's always a chance, right?
I mean, if they were keeping the store open, certainly.
Yeah, but what time do you open?
We open at 9 a.m.
Oh, I can do that.
That's fine.
I'll do really good, and then I can come in when you guys open.
After the eight weeks, I've become permanent, you know?
Like, I'll become a Sears holding employee, and I come in.
Well, the problem is they're shutting the store down.
Yeah, but then you always open up again.
No, not after April 8th.
Why?
They're getting rid of this location.
Nooooo
Why?
Nooooo
Oh noooo
Thats purty far away
What's the glory hole action like there?
Because this place is hot
Ya know?
Because there's like barely anyone here so
Are any of the regulars from the bathroom
are they going to be down
going down there?
Have a good day
Yeah right
Drive all the way to the Kmart
Kmart
I'll pass the five targets on the way.
Make sure to go to that Kmart.
Rest in peace local Kmart machines.
You motherfucker you.
Ugly motherfucker.
You piece of shit smelling like piss fucking store.
I get so fucking mad at the Kmarts.
They get what they get is what I say.
And I could go off on the whole situation but we need to do motherfucking calls.
Attention all units.
Attention all units.
This is Sergeant Sedenko.
Attention all units.
This is Sergeant Sedenko.
We are changing from a code 3 direct pursuit to a code 347.
Quickly lost. We're doing capital.
Hi. Thanks for calling.
I was supposed to mute that. I never do it right.
Our normal store business hours are Monday through Saturday.
Sorry, that response is invalid.
Store main menu.
For the pharmacy or to refill a prescription, press 1.
1. Electronics, press 2. The Photo Lab, press 3. To speak to the store operator, press 0. Or please wait.
Hi, who am I talking to?
You are speaking with Kaylee.
Oh, hey, big K. I love, is that with a K?
Yep.
I love, I love names that start with K. Yay.
Awesome.
I'm speaking okay um I had the local uh in crowd at the Kmart bathroom the Kmart
that's closing down in April okay so we were thinking about transferring our our group over
to your uh facilities over there we're a group of like-minded men that meet regularly at the
Kmart here in town that's going to be closing in April because they're closing the stores
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The Kmart restrooms are going to be shut down, and we wanted to find a new place, and I guess your location came up on our short list of contenders.
I mean, we'll patronize you guys. You have a Starbucks there. We'll buy a coffee. We'll have a rule. You have to buy at least one coffee before you hang out in the bathroom for every 30 minutes.
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The Kmart's closing. The Kmart that we use for our club is closing.
And we're a group of like-minded men who meet and trade on a regular basis at the Kmart.
And we were going through possible contender sites for us to move our club to for our gatherings.
And your club, congratulations, is on the short list.
And we are good customers.
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The Dallas Freeway
For the pharmacy or to refill a prescription, press 1.
Electronics, press 2.
The phone please hold while your call is transferred.
And they smell like old spunk.
Calling Dick's Sporting Goods.
For store hours, press 1.
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The corporate office is closing this location.
And congratulations, you came up on the short list from the members on the forum poll for where to, for us to move our group, to use your facilities for our group.
Probably something to do with the name of the store, to be honest with you.
Okay.
What exactly are you doing?
Well, can I get some information about your restrooms?
Are they stalls or is it a single unit, single commode in a room?
Do you just want to talk to your manager real quick?
Well, I mean, you know, you've used the restrooms there, right?
You can just tell me.
I'm just taking this down for some notes.
We're going to get ready.
I need to know this up.
Oh, yeah, but I'm also kind of running around right now.
I just grabbed the phone because it was ringing.
And there's a manager available to answer questions right at the moment,
so I can just get them real quick because I was helping somebody out.
They're available, of course, of course.
Yep, no problem.
One minute.
Thank you.
Passion for sports to guide, inform, and inspire all of our customers.
If you'd like to join the most passionate and driven team in sports, visit DickSportingGoods.jobs.
DickSportingGoods, this is Jim.
Hey, Big Jim, how you doing?
I'm doing well, and yourself?
Okay, I guess I'll have to explain this whole thing again, or did he bring you up to speed?
Please explain it to me. What's going on?
All right. My name is Cross.
I'm the leader, the head of the local group that meets at the Kmart that's going to be closing down here in town.
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Crane
Sir, this is Sirius inquiry please. Sir, I'm a big fan. Please.
I don't want to hear that song again, I don't want to hear this.
I think it has something to do with the name of the store. I said, that's what I said.
Hey, good. The Starbucks at the Target.
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Uh the one here in town there's one Kmart left open in town it's closing down
Oh I didn't even know that
Ok well ah you know yeah that's the whole thing that's why they're closing down see
get it?
Alright so anyway um that kind of leads into this we need to move our group our meetings
To a new location and congratulations your site came up on the short list of contender
retailers for us to move to
So we just wanted to get some information about your restrooms there,
the facilities and the bathrooms to see if they meet our requirements?
What group is this?
We're just a group.
We're a group of like-minded gentlemen that meet here on a regular basis
to discuss topics and trade things and network.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I understand you have unisex bathrooms there?
Yes.
Okay.
We have two bathrooms.
All right.
Excellent.
Two bathrooms.
All right.
And what is the time limit on the bathroom?
I don't know what that means.
Like, what's so long as that two men can be in there together?
Is this a prank call?
No, absolutely not.
No, we're the Glory Hole Foundation.
We're the Glory Hole Foundation.
Okay, well, what else do you need?
Well, is there a power outlet inside the bathroom?
I have no idea.
Okay, all right.
Can you find out?
Do you know anyone, any of the staff that might know or can go check?
Chad, really bad line.
Serve power up.
I like to drill a hole through the wall of the one bathroom and the other
Fit the funk, smoke the weed at the scuff, treat top of the truck, move shy and drunk and muck
Try calling them again, no answer, they know Reiki
Indian to soul, Manhattan to the white man, my grandfather
The Warehouse is open for all members Monday through Friday from 10 a.m. to 8.30 p.m.
It's Costco, we're assholes.
Costco Wholesale?
Hey, how you doing?
I'm good, thanks, how are you?
Oh, not too good.
I had the group of gentlemen that meets on a regular basis here at the Kmart, which is actually going to be closing its doors here in April.
Your location came up on a short list of contender sites for us to move our groups to, to use your facilities. Visit them.
So I just wanted to get some information on your bathroom accessibility.
Sir, just a moment, please.
Oh, okay.
That is a lot of shit I'm throwing at you. A group of like-minded men.
I sound like the representative of the local Green Party or something.
The town I lived in when I went to college, the IHOP had the local Green Party used to meet at the IHOP every week, once a week.
They're fucking stupid.
For your patience, sir, I'm sorry about that.
Sir, we are a members-only warehouse.
Well, exactly, yeah, and that's why you guys came up on our shortlist, because we're thinking we might be able to...
Are you alright there?
You got sniffles or something?
You're breathing into the phone?
What's going on?
I was zipping up a zipper on a case, I'm sorry.
Zip it back down.
I like to play with zippers.
Like, I like to unzip and zip them really fast.
They can go zzzz, zzzz, zzzz, zzzz, zzzz.
I like to do that.
I apologize, but we are closed for the day.
Is there something that I could really help you with?
Yeah, bull crap, first of all.
Second of all, yes, we'd like to see if we can get some information about the restrooms there.
We have restrooms here, yes, sir.
Are they stalls, or are they just like one commode in a room?
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brenner
for is it a metal aluminum frame
it is not okay uh... alright so we should be able to get through that with
though a little skill saw
i'd i'd i'd think we can get away without having to get the power alright
um... if what they have the toils flush is there a way to plant happen to the
power of the toilet is the flash
well sir
okay
i mean we could use steam power maybe i don't know
uh... are you the person i should talk to i mean we'll all get members as will
We'll be paying members, and we have a rule that for every 30 minutes you're in the bathroom, you need to buy something, at least one thing, whether it be a soda or, I guess in your case, like a whole fucking box of soda, right?
Have a nice day, sir.
Yeah, whatever.
Fucking Costco.
Big ass bitches.
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My Bad, My Bad, My Bad
Anyway, she's like, yeah, sure, come on, do what you want
Install anything you want, do anything you want
I gotta find a fucking store
Shit, I mean, I guess at Home Depot they just get contracts coming in all the time
Cheating at the store
Oh yeah, yeah, you gotta drill a hole here
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I'm calling from the Glory Hall Foundation.
We're going to be moving our group sessions to the Bed, Bath & Beyond
because the Kmart that we use right now, their facilities are going to be closing permanently.
They're closing the store. It's going out of business.
I'll take gimmick with our LOD because I don't have any information on our property right now, okay?
All right. Bye, Katniss. Bye.
I'm going to pass you right on, okay?
Thank you.
She never gets tired of that.
Katniss. Really?
Okay, so when did the Hunger Games books come out?
Matt Baz Milkman
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I do not believe so.
Okay.
Is there a nearby outlet we can use a long industrial extension cord to connect the drill?
We just need to make one hole in between the two stalls.
I don't believe that would be something we'd have you do.
No.
All right.
Because, I mean, I can bring in another kind of power source.
Is it a plastic polymer kind of divider, partitioning, or metal?
I don't think we're going to have you guys do anything to the dividers.
They're going to stay the way they are.
I mean, we're really quick.
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I'm gonna suck your dick. I'm gonna suck it right off of you. I'm gonna suck the pants off of you. I'm gonna get my hands all over your macadamia nuts, if you know what I mean.
I'm gonna suck your dick off.
Wow.
Wow.
Don't call me honey baby sir shot in the major tinnitus i hope he's okay or she
hang in there big guy or girl
what to do next close that don't need that anymore don't need that all right uh here is a hotel so
I'm going to do it right here. I'm going to look first of all to see how many floors this motherfucking hotel's got.
Using the Googles.
Oh shit, people took pictures of the insides.
Yeah, maybe I get a room number.
Yeah, suckers.
I don't know that it works like that.
Sorry folks, just trying something here. I got an idea.
I'm going to try to do this right this time.
And they're all interior pictures.
Damn it, man.
Killing me.
It's a little hard.
B-Ward
That's what she's saying.
I think it's a one floor one.
Uh, yeah.
It's definitely a single floor.
Okay.
Alright.
Single floor.
Single floor.
Yeah.
They got a steakhouse in the lobby.
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, Osaka.
Fuck yeah.
You know what's up with that.
Fucking hibachi stuff, right?
That's good shit.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I don't imagine the hotel's bathroom in a room it's like no fuck it thank you for calling the
clarion inn and suite for reservation please press one for the front desk or all other inquiries
please press two okay it goes out to dwight big dwight in the show tonight we're calling the
clarion this is kelly how can i help you hi kelly uh we got a problem here i'm uh trying to flush
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Yeah, I need to know the room number so I can send my maintenance right now.
I have to go outside, but I'm going to get water up to my, you know, can you get me?
Look, I got to have the room number so I can send my maintenance guy down right now.
Give me a second.
Can you?
We're going to try to finish.
Look, he flushed in.
What's your last name?
He flushed in.
What is your last name?
Whose name is it in my name?
What is the, what is the, whose name is it in?
Look, we don't know the name of the guy.
We just hooked up, okay?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I think it's just what? What do you think it is lady? You don't know what you're talking about, Christy lady.
I love flushing the toilet everybody.
The
Unfortunate this one the units are facing the inside so I can see it's a two-story one
This is what we got to do as a community we get to find hotels and face outside and see if we get the numbers
This one was good. This is a motel 6 and
The loop actually Google went into the loop with the car
And I've got to take a pee-pee.
Thank you for calling the Clarion Inn & Suites Airport in Boundary.
For reservations, please press 1.
I think it's 2.
If not, my bad. If not, we're going to play something like piss.
Thank you for calling Clarion. Marcia speaking. How can I help you?
Hi! Hi!
How can I help you?
I'm in the bathroom right now.
I just walked out of the bathroom.
Hello, are you there?
Are you there?
I'm here.
Okay.
We're having a problem with the toilet.
There's a...
Okay, I need your room number.
There's a pair of bed sheets.
There's a pair of bed sheets inside the toilet right now, and we keep flushing them.
Okay.
And there's water everywhere.
Well, I just need your room number.
It starts with a one.
Did I just talk to you?
No, I need your room number if we're going to help you.
Otherwise, I'm going to hang up.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Anyway, I gotta take that piss! I'll be right back.
Hong Kong, everybody. I'm back. Sorry about the wait.
Damn. Anyway, I can't go on that much longer because I was going to do a little bit longer, but here's the deal.
I wanted to make an appearance on Dwight McClanahan, the show, today.
And also, I've got Calls of Mass Confusion we're going to be wrapping up soon.
Filming, rather, and we're going to go into post-production on the season.
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Yeah, I can't stay on too much longer because Homer's been locked up.
He needs to come out of his crate.
He has to pee pee.
Poor guy.
I came out to go pee and he saw me and he started going.
I was crying.
Thank you for calling Red Roof.
How may I help you?
Yeah, hi.
I was here to have a problem here.
We're in the bathroom and we have a set.
We have sheets, a pair of sheets in the toilet.
They're like half in and half out.
We've been trying to flush them.
And there's water all over the place.
At this point we've been trying to pull on it also.
It won't come out either.
Why are there sheets in the toilet?
Well, I mean, they got messed up.
They got messed up and we wanted to just kind of clean them.
And then it became from cleaning to disposing of them.
And this is kind of like the fats in the fire situation now.
So we're kind of just here.
Keep flushing.
He said keep flushing the toilet.
Keep flushing it.
I did not say that.
Do not keep flushing the toilet.
He said, keep flushing.
I told him.
So, I think eventually we keep flushing.
I mean, there's going to be a lot of water on the ground, but they'll go through.
Do not keep flushing.
What room are you in?
Hang on.
He said, try flushing it the other way.
Like that, yeah.
All right, they moved a little bit.
Oh, what room are you in?
So, why did he hang up?
To go run and find out what's going on?
Thank you for calling the Red Roof Inn.
It's f***ing cold.
Yeah, hi.
We got disconnected?
What room are you in?
201
I don't have any maintenance here
so unfortunately
there's not much I can do other than move into a different room
I don't know why you would try to flush sheets
down the toilet to begin with
Well like I said, we have to get them through
the problem is the water, I don't care about the sheets
you just need to get the water out of here
Every time we flush
No
No
You're the one who chose to flush the sheets
war
yeah Harajuku
wars your maintenance
he don't have me 24th of well we went
around looking for like maintenance
maintenance no one came so that's our
problem
that is your problem no no no no no no
thank you for calling the red roof in of
Grand Rapids Michigan to reach a guest
one for a new rest we hold see when i
hit one that's what it does
well I think he is the guy gotta be a
I'm back, I'm back. I'm paying attention. I get distracted really easy, guys.
Thank you for calling Staples. We're here to help you make more happen for less today and every day.
Hello, thanks for calling Staples at 28th Street. My name is Megan. How may I help you?
Hi, I'm in the bathroom and there's a, there's a, oh boy, how do I explain this?
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