The Dead Hand
31 Mar 2018 · 2 h 26 min · 11,287 words · source
Transcript
I'm special, you're special, we're special, don't you see?
Oi, you guys are motherfuckers, you come over here!
Each of us is special to God, that's the way it's meant to be.
Fucking bastard, you're mother bitch, you're fucking old family bitch!
I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito
That's my big amigo, so just kick back to listen to this cat call people
When this show goes live I be like damn this shit's bitchin'
Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen
You can catch me in the back of his home
At Horse Machine Ranch Road
I'm busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos
My spit crazy
Shout out to Big Amy
That's nice honey baby
We kissing pussy
So ladies such a labor ya
It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya
Face it cause it's the number one prank cast
Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs
That we hand to your dome
And if you want call the number
You can listen to this show on the go
Big up to the man in the madhouse
Show love, just stick your motherfucking hands up
Some come close, but they can't get it right
Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live
Big up to the man in the madhouse
Hello, Prank Call fans, God bless you
I am Carlito, I'm gonna be doing a show
It is March 31st, 2018
It's just after 6pm Eastern Standard Time
Shut the fuck up, shut up, shut up, shut up
That's Homer. He's going to try to sit for a show today for the first time.
He was being good until now, until I started talking.
Hey, dude, why don't you sit down, man?
Hey. Hey, asshole.
I gave him some of my cheeseburger. This is how he repays me.
You better shut up or I'm going to put you in your crate, you motherfucker.
You fucking asshole.
There's nothing there. There's nothing there.
Idiot, you shit for brains.
Look, I'm going to get going. I've got to play intros and stuff.
If you're listening on Patreon, or if you're a Patreon listener via Dropbox, rather,
Thank you for supporting and if you're listening on God damn it a lot of bullshit talk I know that much
This isn't bullshit my friend
What do you know maybe I do and maybe I don't what I say is they got no business to go she ain't gonna be
Going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard. Is that right? We do it now
We do it later later. It could be no use my right out
Wait a minute, Frank.
We got a lot of angry guys in there.
Black Muslims, Panthers, Young Lords.
Besides the average antisocial.
So we gotta go in, right?
Clean your clocks.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the main event.
Thank you for calling Rose.
Para instrucciones en espanol, marque 3.
For directions to the store, press 1.
For store hours, press 2.
To reach transferring to hardware and tools, please hold.
RANK RANK RANK BEAUTIFUL
Thank you for calling Rome.
Transferring to installed sales. Please hold.
Yay! Great show! Great call!
Yeah! Alright!
Yeah, I had a question about the survey that's on this receipt.
Uh, what do I have to do for that?
Okay, what do you want me to say?
Okay, uh, what else? Like, ask me a few questions?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Calls of Mass Confusion
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The person was just, you know, like a nasty person, or you guys were busy.
But I asked for a latte with skim milk, and the guy made a big deal how you can't froth milk, skim milk or something like that.
Did you need a remake?
Yeah, yeah, I need a remake. Fine. Okay. All right.
All right, I need a venti cup.
I need two shots of espresso.
And you do have milked half and half out there, right, for me to use?
We do.
Good, good, good. So then all I need is two shots of espresso.
When are you going to be coming by?
I'll be there like in five minutes.
I'm here right now.
You know, I'm in my car, but I'm going to finish, you know, reading this little passage here that I have to read in the Bible yet.
Okay.
Okay.
Is that going to be a problem?
No.
I'm going to...
We can remake it whenever you come in.
Yeah.
I just want to make sure you have enough milk.
All right.
What's going on there?
I'm going to hand you over to my supervisor.
All right.
Yeah, I was treated really rude yesterday, and she said she's going to get me a drink.
So I'm trying to help you guys out here.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'll be there in like 5 minutes
I'm right around the corner right now
I'm sitting in my car
Cause I'm not supposed to drive and talk on the phone at the same time
Yep sure
Alright I'll see you then
Hey make sure that's ready
You needed a name to put that under right
Of course yeah
I gotta hurry
Alright see ya
He's thoroughly confused and doesn't understand
I had the recipe for a
Ghetto latte wrong
There is such a thing known among Starbucks employees as the ghetto latte.
It is when you order an iced americano with no water, half the ice,
and then you fill it up at the condiment bar with your own milk or half and half.
So you basically get a latte without paying for a latte.
Know what I'm saying?
True story. I didn't come up with it.
This is a real thing. That's what they call it.
Hey, April Fools. I really don't like April Fools.
I'm over it. I've been over it.
I'm slowly and slowly getting more over it and more over it.
I'm telling you, man.
Yeah, and you can't foam skim milk. It has no fat in it. Puerto Rican latte. No
Hi, I want to make order. Yeah, I'll carry it out
One dragon roll
Okay, one shrimp tempura roll, okay, and
Let's see. What do you have? Do you have a spicy tuna roll? What do you have? Yeah, okay?
I'll take that and what's the total total total. I need total 30. Oh snap all right, and how long will that be?
Closed Captioning by Kris Brandhagen. brandhagen.com
Like the animal?
What's that?
Horse.
Like the animal?
Horse.
Okay.
Can I have your phone number, sir?
Yeah.
314-275-2018.
2018.
Yes.
Okay, Mr. Horse.
See you soon then.
All right.
Thank you.
Bye.
I should have said horse.
Echo.
Echo, set a timer for 20 minutes.
Engage.
I should have made it something fun.
Okay.
See, April Fool's, right?
I'm looking at Google Maps, and they've got Waldo on here for April's Fool.
I hope that's fun. I can't wait.
Was it April Fool's when they had Pac-Man on Google Maps?
I think so.
Anyway.
For the dog, my puppy is with me today for the first time for a show.
He's been behaving now, but when I first kicked the streams off, he was barking,
which I don't appreciate.
But right now he's being a good boy, and we'll hope that he maintains his good behavior.
I will probably have to walk him at some point halfway through the show.
Conveniently, we'll take a break at that point.
All right, let's do it.
Here's another call.
So a coffee machine that mailbox is full and cannot accept any new messages. Please try again at another time shit
Is that okay?
She may not make it she may be wanting to confirm the number and calling it and all that and not answering and the whole
Sushi order
Hello?
The fuck?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Okay, whatever.
Can I get a Starbucks to answer?
Shit, damn it.
Kristen.
Thank God you're there.
Yes, I wanted to see about making an order.
I don't want to get any trouble like I did last time I was there.
Someone said very nasty.
Well, what I ordered last time was an iced Americano with no water and half the ice.
In a venti.
Okay.
A venti.
All right.
Ice Venti No Water Half Ice
The only difference is that there's no water in half the ice.
Is that going to be a problem?
Is there a limit to the amount of half a half I can get in it?
This guy was like, you know, we got to pay for that.
We got to fill it up.
That's a condiment.
Well, I mean, I don't.
What's a good way to say, like, effeminate, you know, I guess, like a man that likes girls, boys, a man that looks like the girl.
It wasn't at your place.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
All right. What was your name? All right, Kristen. Do you have labia? Do you have labia?
I'm not going to answer. Do you have all both pairs of labia? What's your favorite one? The
menorah or the majora? Mine is the menorah. I mean, if you had to choose between one or the
other, which one would you go for? I'm using the correct terms here. I'm not saying pussy flaps,
you know, or lips and stuff. I'm saying labia. You know, that comes from the from the word for
the Roman, the Italian word for lips, Roman word for lips, Latin, Latin. That's what I meant to
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I wouldn't say that about my mother.
She might. Women do that stuff to their sons because of the whole, you know...
you know how Freud explained it? How the woman wants to...
get a latte!
Get a lattes motherfucker!
And here's the next one!
Thanks for calling Kmart-
Yay! Kmart!
Ey I really love your store!
I was wondering are you guys hiring?
Uh yes.
You are?
Go on Kmart dot com.
Okay. Alright.
And what position should I be hiring for?
I don't know.
You don't know. You just know that you're hiring.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm not ready.
Hold. Okay. I'm gonna die.
Who's that? Who's that, motherfucker?
Whatever. She can't talk about the fucking union rules.
We've reached the Public Relations Department of Sears Holdings Corporation.
Our business hours are from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday.
If you are a customer in need of assistance...
Shit.
...the Public Relations Department of Sears Holdings Corporation...
Yeah, yeah. I didn't mean to call that number again.
I'm calling the Kmart back. That just pisses me off.
Fucking around with me.
Thank you for calling Kmart. How can I help you?
Yeah, why did you hang up on me like that?
u.s push me away what i have a line of customers here sir well i've got things
i need to get done to
you're a doctor near an adult
and you need to work with me
okay what do you need from me
alright so what i wanted to make sure need when you say for good do what do
you mean for good
what are you getting in
stores closing
okay you guys close everyday i know that but when you say closing i mean do you
mean the local it out of business
Closing Closing
What do you mean closing?
Closing Closing
Like forever
No more happen
Going out of business
On April the 8th
For the night
No, I said going out of business
Just for the night though
You stop business at one point
And you mean open the next morning?
Well of course, yeah
Going out of business means
What holiday is this?
What holiday is April 9th?
I don't understand
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The store is closing.
Okay, I know that.
You guys close every night.
You open again in the morning.
No, the store is closing.
Now?
On the 8th.
You guys close at 7 or 8?
The store is permanently shutting down the 8th.
Listen, when you say closing, what do you mean by closing?
You tell me, what do you mean?
Like, when you're closing, do you mean closing or closing?
Closing.
Okay, you close and you open.
This is our...
So you're saying you guys are open until 8 o'clock tonight.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah, and you guys own, you know, you know, you guys owned Borders. You're so stupid. You guys owned it. Hello. You started Borders. And what happened with Builders Square? You guys really fucked that up too, huh? Yeah, I never even heard of that company. Okay, well, yeah, exactly. Are you a manager at Kmart? You never heard of Builders Square? Well, I manage a building. Doesn't mean I manage the whole brand. Well, I mean, you should be kind of in tune with the history of the store, you know? God, no. Really trying to keep the place alive. Of course, that didn't work out too well.
Kmart Own Borders
Well, it's like any specialty store.
We overpriced the goods.
That's really the shame of it.
I think that's what put Circuit City out of business.
Same with Radio Shack.
You didn't adapt.
That's what it was.
You didn't adapt.
And you didn't update the stores.
Your clothing always sucked.
And you didn't have the buying power that the Walmarts did.
That I can agree with.
It expanded too quickly in the late 90s.
The Little Caesars acquisition was just terrible.
Not bad.
I wouldn't say overpriced, but we're probably paying too much for the ingredients.
You stabbed your auto center people in the back when you kicked them out?
That was actually before my time.
You sold off to Penske.
For the longest time, I thought they were a rock-crushing company.
Look up the whole Builder's Square thing.
There's quite a bit to be learned there.
I've got to go.
I've got to take a shit, okay?
What about the Glory Hole stuff?
Is that going to be going on still?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm just curious, can I ask you?
Oh, yeah, no, I started with the company about, been three years in May.
Oh, so you really, I mean, it was all done by then.
The writing was on, that was life support.
It's been on life support for like last 12 years.
Holy crap, really?
Yeah.
My God, so why did you join the sinking ship?
Why would you do that?
Well, at the time, it was because I was working for Wise Markets,
The
Store Manager of the Wise Markets
That was
In Hershey
Really fucked me over
And it was like
After that
It was like
You know what
I don't work for this company
So I literally took a pay cut
And an hour cut
Because my buddy
Worked at the Kmart
Right down the street
And he got promoted
And the guy was
An idiot
And I was like
You know what
If he can get promoted
There's no way I couldn't
So I signed up
And I was like
It took me literally
Less than a year
To move up in the company
So I couldn't complain
Wow
Well you got the experience
Now what you do
Here's what you do man
You get your six months
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Get All The Kevin Smith Movies
Get All The Kevin Smith Movies
Watch Those For A Few Months
Eat Some Pizza
Get Some Dollar Menu Stuff
Taco Bell Works
Treat Yourself To A Pizza Once A Week
Once A Month With Your Unemployment Check
Go To The Titty Bar
My name is kdk
You on youtube
Yep you got it
Calls of mass confusion
Calls of mass confusion
Take it easy man
Alright homie see you later
There you go that was stupid and not funny
But it got us to the time when we called the sushi machine
Echo stop
Homer I'm not talking to you man
I just said the H word. It wasn't you. He's confused because I call him homie and Homer. So now whenever he hears me say, what's up homie? He's like, oh, homie. Alright, let me get that number here. This is a stupid idea that's costing 30 something dollars and it probably won't even be funny. Here we go. Probably didn't even make the ship. So give a fake number. Yeah, I called earlier to make an order. My name is Horace. Order is ready, sir. Oh, okay. Well, I decided I don't want it. April Fool's, you know.
April Fools, you know, April Fools, you know, you get it, you get it, yeah, April Fools, I got you, you know, no, no, no kidding, April Fools, I'm dancing, I'm a joker, all right, happy April Fools, okay, what are you going to do with the food now, you eat it, okay, cool, all right, there you go.
I did it.
I don't want to keep doing that.
That's bad.
Bad karma to be wasting food.
Come on, do you think sushi really costs them in labor and cost?
Do you think it costs the $30 to put some rice rolled up with, what,
maybe a couple pieces of seaweed?
All right, so a dragon roll is like some spicy mayonnaise, I think,
and maybe like a little piece of fish, not even.
$0.30 worth of material, probably.
Add another quarter for the labor of the sushi guy,
domination
Oh
funny
Hey homer homer come here. What's the matter with you? What's up? We want to go outside?
I'm gonna go outside and I'm gonna talk you're gonna be good now. He's pacing around the office
It's pacing around the studio room
I don't know if he needs to pee usually scratches at the door, but he's still learning
aw you got your head on me
No, don't start crying, you don't cry
No be a man!
Caught him looking dicks the other day at the dog park almost beat the shit out of him in front of everyone
What is it? What is it dude?
I can't just let you out there. You have to go in the crate
We can either sit here and chill on the couch or you go on the crate. What's it gonna be?
I don't know if you guys can hear him. He's whining
I got to play a prank and figure out what he needs. I'm gonna walk him real quick
Let me find something long that I can play. Mr. Bassethound over here
Big Baby Basset Hound
Me Me Me Me Me Me Me
I'll play this prank. I don't know how good it is, but it should be long enough for me to take care of this.
This dog situation.
I'll be back and then we'll play this, you know.
Alright, I'll be back.
Is this the McDonald's, right?
Okay, look buddy, I was calling a few times and I couldn't get through.
Were you guys making a credit card batch?
Yes, sir.
We have already the credit card, but we're not using it.
You're done batching it out now?
No, not yet, sir.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The only problem is I was, I was, I was, uh, I got an iced coffee, you know?
Yes, sir.
Okay. Here's the problem. I have sensitive teeth. I've undergone treatment for sensitive teeth.
They actually put this enamel stuff on my teeth, and what it's designed to do is designed to kill the nerves a little bit,
and I've been brushing for a year with this prescription toothpaste because I have sensitive teeth.
I drank the iced coffee. The ice hit my teeth in the front teeth. I got pain.
I'm in the car and there's you know iced coffee brown you know and ice and all this stuff all over the windshield I can't see anything I slam right bam to a coconut tree right in front of me no joke man and I almost caused a 40 car pilot behind me it was so bad I have sensitive teeth and I
I was under the assumption the iced coffee is safe.
I looked at it all over.
There's no warnings.
It said warning the contents of this are cold, are too cold, or maybe too cold, maybe very cold.
Because we're putting ice on the iced coffee.
I know.
So it was very cold.
But when I hit my teeth, my teeth were sensitive, and I had a big mouthful.
Spit it out, and I can't help it, sir.
It's a natural reflex, you know.
Closed Captioning provided by The Closed Captioning Project, LLC.
www.mcdonalds.com
Call Nation Madhouse Live
So what happens if I have a sensitive crotch, you know, and imagine if you didn't put a warning on the coffee, I spill the coffee in my sensitive crotch, the hot coffee, what happens? I get into a car accident. It's the same thing. You're supposed to make a warning thing on it. And you didn't even write you if you see the cup doesn't when you take a marker, and you write warning, cold coffee warning, and you put an exclamation point in a triangle, and you should try to make it red.
So what I would like us to do here, I want you to conference call me with the corporate man and the owner and we're all going to exchange information and we're going to go ahead and take care of the lawsuit.
Sir, can I know your name?
My name is Ralph Littlejohn from the United States of America.
This one is from Guangzhou?
Yeah, I was visiting this country, yeah.
Yes, sir, but we're not serving iced coffee yet.
But you understand, I got coffee with ice.
It had ice in it.
Or they just put ice in your coffee.
Whatever it was, they hit my teeth and I had an accident.
And it didn't say it was going to be too cold.
It had milk and everything in it.
On what store did you get it?
Oh yeah, it's like candy.
Alright, it's like candy everybody.
Candy for your teeth.
Ice coffee.
Yeah, ice coffee.
Gotta love it.
What do we do now?
I don't know, I don't know.
Let's try to do some pranks I guess.
I don't know.
Get into my numbers list just a moment, please. It's like
So I don't have as many pranks on this season of calls a mass confusion
Fortunately or unfortunately, whatever the case may be. I just I was I've been going the last year and a half
I just been like feel like I just keep repeating the same ideas. Nothing really in sight excites me that much
Like I still like doing the shows and the pranks we can tell by the fact I don't do them weekly anymore
Just not you know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if I'm just not funny anymore
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Calls of Mass Confusion Season 2
Matt House Radio
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I have mom's
She's a filthy woman
Yep
Alright hang up the phone motherfucker
Someone gonna bitch you
You're right
Yeah
Yeah whatever how much black do you have in you
How about mine
Get outta here
Funny motherfucker
Fuckin deflating my balloon
With his good sense of humor
Hello
Hello landscaping
Yes sir
Are these Mexican landscapings
No
Thank god I'm telling you I've had so much trouble I'm a republican and I can't be having
that you know
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I heard a beep I heard the beep and I thought yeah yeah yeah you ever open or spread old legs open real wide huh you ever spread your wife's legs open real wide I'm not married huh I'm not married oh you're not oh well but if you I mean you got a girlfriend ever ever had a girl a female caller yeah yeah you ever like spread the legs open real wide I don't okay well you should try that because they have a they have the two pairs of labia down there and it's lips you know and what you
You want to make sure that you're messing you gotta rest with the right lips at the right time and the right way
Oh, yeah. All right. Yeah, man. I'm doing to make sure right now. Let me tell you later. All right, honey, baby
It's like candy
It's all about you. Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message every other video
No matter where I go. I see the same
Hello, you got looking for a four-barrel manifold intake for three one eight dollars
You looking for a four-barrel manifold intake for a three one eight George
Well, bubba I got one of them
Well, I'm selling the motherfucker for parts
So I'll just pull you if you can pull you can have it basically cuz a I am moving a moving no one wants a
Motherfucker they got hit by a freight train
I'm over here Horse Machine Ranch Road and Rogersville Horse Machine Ranch Road is new as a new development. Well, you know where the Walmart's is? You want to meet me at Walmart so you can follow me? I'm around the corner of Walmart. When can you be there? When can you be there?
Well, you got to be there or not. You got to be there now, right now.
Well, fuck you. I ain't going to be there or not.
Well, fuck you too, motherfucker.
Hey, you got no motherfucker. You come over here.
You ain't shit, motherfucker. Where you at?
You son of a bitch, you.
No, you son of a bitch, you fucking pecker.
Oh, that escalated quickly.
When did he get mad? All I went was rah, rah, rah.
Well, fuck you then.
You sound like me.
Who do you think he is, Carlito?
I'm the one that pranks. I just told them I had to be here now.
Oh, he ain't picking up. He ain't picking up.
Jesus.
We got someone with a shotgun. Yeah.
Has two chokes with it. What the fuck is that?
I'll choke his wife.
I ain't about you or your bitch ass crew.
Every other city we go and every video is plain to it.
Felt you were blue. I can stand like Drew and my nasty new niggas.
You couldn't hold a lyrical attack. Perhaps it was a visual block.
You got a 12 gauge Hatfield automatic shotgun.
Hot Gun Brand New Never Been Shot Has Two Chokes With It Asking 225 Firm
You Motherfucker You
You Got A Taurus 45 Cal Automatic Pistol 1911 Version With A Hard Case
Yes Sir
God Damn What Can You Tell Me About That
Who Is This
My Name Is Horse
Who
Horse
I Don't Know You
Well Everyone Calls Me Horse I'm New In Town I Live Over At Cross Machine Ranch
Fuck
Hello
Yeah, I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot, brother
I'm sorry, man
God bless you
I'm up here with my family
Let me call you back
Oh, are you having dinner?
Are you porking your wife?
What's going on?
A Stanley pancake compressor?
Is that just called a pancake compressor?
Does it actually compress pancakes?
I'm confused
Well, fuck you
No matter where I go, I see Matt Hillard fallin' down
Then he shits pants
No matter what bitch, who was in, and I'm a homeboy too
And I realize I'm so high, I'm a criminal
I ate in the bed of the criminal, I drove away in the car
I drove the getaway car
But I'm rich so I got away with murder
Then I wrote a song about it in the middle of a trial called Murder Was The Case
And I didn't act like I had any remorse
Thank God for Johnny Cochran. Now everyone loves me. Now my best friend is Martha Stewart and I smoke weed in everyone's face and no one cares anymore. I'm Snoop Dogg. Motherfucker you.
This fucking Snoop Dogg is the reason I stopped going to concerts for like a good 10-15 years.
I got so pissed off.
This motherfucker.
When I was a kid, I was 17.
I grew up in Orlando.
It was the second infraction with concerts and me.
Particularly hip-hop concerts.
Madhouse Live
Puff Daddy P-Daddy
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
A
m
book you motherfuckers in a walk-off through the bike that walked off
they all left of the mother fucker man I really wanted to see this fucking guy
dig this fucking album
I'm a fat man I'm a fat kid and he's bees
out here for the fat people you know I mean in the hip hop community
and they made a fucking go so then less than a year later I'm gonna Snoop Dogg
Madhouse Live
Thank you.
I haven't been to a hip-hop concert.
I don't think I've done that.
I think that was the last time I went to a rap concert was that Snoop Dogg one.
I don't think I ever went back.
I've been to a few, but concerts, that is, after that.
Majority I've been to have been, like, stand-up, like, big-time stand-up acts.
I saw Chris Rock.
I saw Louis Black two or three times.
Yeah, but fuck that shit.
Anyway, back to the Prank Calls.
And here we go with thanks to Matt Hellock for reminding me about this one.
The New MF Doom
Album With Tsar Face Tsar Face in MF Dooms I've Only Heard
One Or two of the Songs so you're guys are going to be hearing this for the most part for the first time with me today
I hope it's good sure it is. What's matt doing we should have mad on here the show's fucked already
Why not why not how do you spell Matt P zero zero p that's how you
Am
I'm listening about the shoes are still I'm so angry man they stepped on my
I just got them I just got the motherfuckers I remember it scuffed them up bad and they were
black fucking shoes I was like what the fuck did this motherfucker do I was I I wanted to say
something about the uh the west coast dudes in Florida but it was too much to type that's so
Tupac is so funny
Yeah you can't get any more east than Florida
I know
I don't think
Even crazier cause it's south
And it's all transplants on the east
Anyway
They were all from New York
Connecticut and Jersey and Michigan
And shit's like what the fuck are you talking about
And number five
Fucking Tupac ain't rapping to you motherfuckers
He's rapping to Black Youth
Tupac don't give a fuck about Orlando Wiggers
Call Nation Madhouse Live
He didn't even say he didn't start this the first oh, but if he said fuck y'all I mean
I've mentioned it was just chaos. Yeah. Yeah
Yeah, I know they did they turn the lights up and people stood around for a while
They're just getting worse and worse and I was made my way out. I wasn't up front or nothing, but the fucking kids
Yeah, they look like they were 19 and shit good old hip-hop shows
I went saw the fucking woo one time and I and we were up in the balcony
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I stepped out of a
I don't even know what class it was
I took a midterm at UCF
in 2008
and on my way out of class
walking through the campus to get back to my car
and I saw a poster that said
concert
it said Ghostface Killer from the Wu-Tang Clan
and it was that night
I'm like oh shit right now
I look at my watch like oh shit that's going to start in like 10 minutes
I'm going to go over to the fucking student union
and there were maybe 20
25-30 people total there
Madhouse Live
He had some dudes with him that looked like real intimidating like I wouldn't want to fuck them real goon
Well, they're like some nation of Islam looking motherfuckers
I was like, oh, they were kind of looking at me like you like they didn't they weren't into me, you know
But he was cool about he was real cool. He had a he had a towel on his head the whole time nice
Yeah, whatever. It's a good look a white towel
Oh, hey speaking of the town that get that guy that I was talking about do up
Yeah, that was the silly
I had a birthday party one time and my sister used to go to like private
fancy fiber school and she had a fancy little friend who's like parents were
like like people high ups and Bolivian government or some shit but doo-wop was
at that party with a fucking towel on his head say man I like that girl like
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I've had Heineken Light. The Heineken Light's pretty good, actually.
Heineken farts are a real thing.
I'm going to say, this one.
You see this crazy, vape, dabby thing?
Uh, yeah.
Hi, you got them goats?
Oh, cool. What can you tell me about them?
My wife?
Oh, yeah.
She had a goat?
Let me see. She's at the barn. I don't know if I'll get back or not.
Oh, you try, brother. I'll be here. Don't worry.
Okay. If I drop out, I'll call you back.
All right, you got it. Okay. All right. Let me see if I can get hold of it. All right. Thank you, dude
I got a pizza pie on the way. So I'm gonna have to dip whenever that gets there
Oh, but did you like that crazy?
Like a hundred white
Hello talk now, man. I said I just said that's a crazy like hundred watt mod
Look up in the modern a red and cracked. I hear you butter, but I hear you brother
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I can hear you I think
Now I think I can hear you
Alright so them goats
Do they have sex the goats
Are they sexual with each other
I'm sorry I can't hear you
Damn it
You can call back
I'm sure it's going to be closer to the base station
In a minute when she throws it on the
Why the fuck you gave me that phone
Motherfucker
Dirty man
Yeah hi I hear you now
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I would take it just by that
that they're pretty dang big
it takes a few days
we're gonna have to call a scientist at the
university to come down
like Barney's
bar tab
Alice Perky
remember Homer
or Moe
Skylab
you know when he said like
you know how he said we had to write to
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Pizzas Should Be Here In About 3 Minutes
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hey, how you doing?
Hey.
Oh, good.
My name is Julio.
I see you got some stuff for sale over here on the swap shop.
My daughter probably has.
Oh, yeah.
So you can let me know about the motorcycle helmets.
I mean, do you have them?
Is that you or the Dodge truck for parts?
She wants my motorcycle helmets.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
Now, what about she needs a Dodge truck for parts?
Yeah.
All right.
All right.
Well, I'm confused because I thought she had motorcycle helmets because I have a Dodge
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I told you about the motor. I said, you can have the cab all you want. I told you, all I need is an undercarriage.
Well, he started about this, oh, the motor runs here. I said, I told you, I don't want the motor. I said, look at my motor right over there.
I said, I always want my motor, five of them motors.
Hell yeah, fuck that, right? You get five, six of them motors, you know?
That's right. All I want, I told him, I said, all I need is an undercarriage. I said, which, oh, God, you know, that's the worst thing is to go bad on them, is an undercarriage.
Oh, yeah, there. Oh, yeah. Well now undercarriage gets bad then, you know, I don't know what you do
I don't know what you try, you know what I mean?
I got so mad once my undercarriage I took a baseball bat and sort of hitting the truck
Yeah, I took a shit in my hand and I smeared in my face and I drove the truck away
The
Right, right exactly now
What should I do if I have a problem when I urinate and I like the sub of the urine keeps coming out when I'm supposed
To be done I dribble in the Dodge truck
Yeah, I don't know I don't know if you know what I should do about that
Alright well I try to figure it out so you want to come take a look at this Dodge truck
Well, I'm over here a horse machine ranch. It's a new horse
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The Legend of Doom
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
You check the GPS and you go straight down to the hell.
Madhouse Radio is back.
You are bigger than a woman.
You are better than a woman.
We'll always be behind you.
Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.
This isn't my dysnophosis.
I'm Carlito.
If you know what show that came from,
Madhouse Live
I gotta finish my pizza.
Oh, do you get pizza puffs?
Yeah, I know.
I didn't have a pizza puff in a minute. I got pizza.
How are you able to lose weight eating pizza, drinking beer all day?
I don't understand.
Well, I just ate
two little pieces of pizza.
Okay.
You didn't order by the state.
No, but
I'm in the giant smoothie
and that's all I eat all day.
Oh, I had a protein bar.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Start doing it.
We're going to give them a vote.
Democrat next election.
No.
So no, no.
I actually vote to legalize weed.
Like, I'm on board with that.
I thought you were very anti weed.
You're all like, oh, no, no.
I think it should just be taxed and regulated like fucking booze.
Oh, well, will you do it then?
Will you then take with us the devil's lettuce?
Probably not.
I tried it once in my school and I just didn't get the appeal.
You did?
Oh, dude.
Come on.
Jesus Christ.
Try it again.
Yeah, come on.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I am not supposed to mention the uh uh uh uh I am confused please you are upsetting me
and I am going to quit prank calls and retire because I thought Dom the bomb's thing said I
wish I could join but I'm out at a farm is that a farm no no he says he's out with the fam but I
Call Nation Madhouse Live
prankcallnation.com
Oh shit, that's Lexi! I called her last show I did. I called her Sexy Lexi.
They've heard from me before, no wonder she hung up like she did. She remembers me. The husband does it, but she does.
Yeah, I actually checked my Facebook, the Dwight Facebook, for the first time in quite some time last night.
And there was a message from some random fan that was like, you didn't just prank call me, did you?
And I responded back to him like, well, not on purpose.
That's funny.
Maybe.
I didn't mean to.
Sniper
Cod
Juh
I got one of those
Uh
I'm pretty sure someone was trolling me
But it was
It was the Julie
It was Julie
I got called by Julie
It was in the middle of the day
And I thought it was you guys
Fucking with me
Yeah hey how you doing
Is this Julie
Oh good
Hey I'm calling regarding the
Two MacDougal
Long black dresses
With a silver sequence
Yes
Okay cool
How many times was that word
Once
Once
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
No, oh no, so I could smell her juices and all that. How long ago was this event a year ago?
Was it in the summer in the spring? Oh
Damn nice. Oh my she but I had some nice smells go natural. Well, she weren't in the underwears
What else do you need to know? Well, I wish you weren't underwears. I want I work for the sheriff's office
Her labia touch the cloth
Alright, come on guys. You know you all thought about that when you heard it was
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I played all the fucking time. I played last night.
What? Dude, there you go.
But I played on the Xbox where there's no hackers.
Hey, you're not on Snapchat.
I took a video of me going up to my Arby's here, my local Arby's,
and I asked for Greenby, and the guy was real confused.
He didn't understand why I was asking for Greenby.
That's hilarious.
For those of you who don't know, Greenby's a contributor here and a friend of ours,
and he works for the Arby's Corporation, and we're always talking Arby's.
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Yeah, yeah
Was it XYZ was quoting scripture to him like back and forth and all that shit. You had that number available
Yeah, I am looking for it. Is he African or so like what he sounds like go mom
He's a he's in the shit dude. Oh that reminds me
Let me go to that noon who sent the number a few days ago. Oh, there he's messaging me about it now
I guess there were cockroaches in the shit and the food. You know how he likes those calls
Well, actually this one is just a muhammad marduza zoos or something. All right, we'll call Muhammad
All right, here's another Mohammed sounds like the new new Dwight the new new drought continues man
I'm really screwing up my words took some of these marijuana capsules that they recommended for me and
Holy shit, it took forever to kick it
Your numbers are even ringing weird. It was a half-american half-british ring. Here's the next one, which is an Abdul Rayman
That's a good game. Rayman played that for the Atari Jaguar back in the day. It wasn't my Jaguar was a friend
Thank you. Thank you for that. Thank you, God.
Thank you for putting spaces in the number.
All circuits are busy. Please try your call again later.
That number won't even go through.
Did I miss a number? No, I did not.
Like, I'm in an arcade with no change. I ain't playing no games.
That's Milkman's rap right there. That's awesome.
Welcome to BT Mobile.
I remember once I put a $1 bill in the change machine at the arcade.
No, it was at the movie theater.
Madhouse Live
This is Takeaway?
Huh?
This is Takeaway?
What is this?
Excuse me?
I'm sorry?
Did I have the wrong number?
Or what's going on?
I'm calling from Westley.
Oh, I'm just...
I'm calling, you know?
I'm calling.
I was supposed to call this number.
The Takeaway.
Kimo's Takeaway?
I can't understand you.
Are you making order?
Can I make an order?
Uh, no.
No, you got cockroaches on the fucking pizza, right?
Sorry, mate?
You got the fucking cockroaches on the pizza?
Is this the place with the cockroach pizza you're calling?
Yeah, we'll totally
My friend a new news told us, you know new new. Oh the new new. Yeah, this was the new new joint
Wasn't that? Yeah, he said that you were you had cockroaches in the pizza. Why you do this thing? Why?
No, no, no your key most takeaway you have cockroaches on the pizza and you were fine five thousand pounds for being dirty
Charmuta
Sharmuta
It's the wrong number, number change.
No, well you're Sharmuta or, are you Sharmuta or bhenchod?
Who's this?
Are you Sharmuta?
Who's Sharmuta?
You Sharmuta, your mother Sharmuta, Olmec.
Listen mate, fuck your sister, fuck your mama, okay?
No, you mother first motherfucker, I said it.
You motherfucker.
No, he didn't.
I told you it's wrong number.
You're talking wrong thing now.
Your mother, how many men with your mother every night?
Like five?
Is your sister like this?
Your mom do like this?
www.closedcollege.com
You fucking dickhead listen bullshit. Don't call back ever again. Okay fucking dickhead
Sharmuta, Sharmuta, you fucking Arabic cunt. Yeah, what are you gonna do about it motherfucker? What are you Persian?
You don't know how to speak to the people you see I told you
Disgusting where you from you Persian even nasty Iranian motherfucker you huh? I think you are you you are fucking
Come on
I'm Shia
I know everything man
Where you from mother fucker
Your mother is a banchod
banchod madarchod
Mother is a bitch
your sister is a bitch man
don't call me again on this number
I called I won't you don't do shit about it mother fucker
You aint gonna do shit
Listen I have a number
I will report for this number
No one cares
Dirty people
No one cares dirty people
What dirty people do
Better than wherever you're from
Whatever fucking nasty fucking sewer you're from
Motherfucker where you from India
You are from my pussy
Do you know that
You are from my pussy
You're coming from my pussy
You know my dirty things
You're licking everyday fucking bastard
You look bad
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Oh, thank you, you disgust me.
Fucking bastard, how dare you call this number, and how dare you talking like that, fucking bastard.
What the fuck you gonna do about it, you bitch?
Come here, come here, lick my pussy, I have a dirty thing on there.
Bitch.
Come here.
You're a bitch.
Fucking bastard, you're mother bitch, you're fucking old family bitch.
It's not...
You are fucking dickhead, come on here.
Listen, your blood...
Come on here, I'll kick out your...
Come here, who are you?
Listen...
Who are you?
If you are a real man...
You shut up, I tell you.
We'll see you come front of me
Listen
Your blood your blood is not from the
Grape somebody to your mom then rape then you born in the world, no
No, I have
Matt Baz Milkman
Listen to me, listen to me.
Grand Grave, the people do it to your mom, then you're born in the world.
Do you understand?
Then you're born in the world.
That's why you don't have a sense.
That's why you don't have a sense and you call and disturbing people for no reason.
Do you understand?
I know next to you who is fucking bastard make you to do call this number.
I know.
I heard he's laughing.
Yeah, and tell him I will kick him.
If you come front of me, fucking bastard, I know I heard that. Who is that? And I have a very good sense of humor. Do you understand? I know who are you and disturb you with this number you call every time and disturb. Fucking bastard, talk to me now. Why do you stop? You don't do shit. You don't let me talk. You don't let me talk, you bitch. Shut up, fucking bastard. Let me talk. Shut up. No, no, no. I don't let you. I never let you talk. Who are you to call this number and disturb me?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Coming from gang rape people don't like them. Do you understand? So you coming from gang rape?
I think your eyes look like Chinese. I think your hair look like some early
I think your color look like, you know, you know the Spanish maybe you're coming like mixed together from all people
No, no, no, no, they fucking bastard call and he has to hear what he want to hear from me
Talk to me now
I will come right now
tell me
tell me your address
I will come
and kick your door
and fucking I will
kick your face as well
come tell me
if you have a man
if you coming from your mom
tell me who are you
what is your address tell me
I have that much
I'm gonna teach him I'm gonna teach the boy how to fuck by fucking you and letting him watch
bitch
meet me at the table
fucking vagina
gay
fucking bastard
maybe you know I know next to you who are you
you know the two fire next to you
I heard he's laughing
fucking bastard
tell him he's another bastard
Madhouse Live
No, I don't understand. I'm talking. I'm talking monkey daughter of the monkey
Dolly of the bitch daughter of the whore bitch monkey woman. I'm talking you listening now. Now you listen to me
Now you come front
Motherfucker
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'll cut your tits, your breasts, I'll cut them and I'll fry them.
Holy shit.
She is fucking great.
Can I please have that number?
Yeah, sure.
Holy crap.
Thank you.
Wow.
She is great, man.
She's going to be a party time.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
She said to come front of me multiple times, said it in the broken, stupid, oh, God, it
was so priceless.
It's some type of Indian because he was calling me out for being Arabic because I know what sharmuda means
But bhencho didn't work. So they're not traditional Indian or Bengali or whatever
Dude her whole night at both. There's our imagine that whole house. It was Dwight. What happened to Dwight?
What is it? He said BRB
Gotta get food before COMC. I tried adding Zach said he was listening. I didn't know he had tried calling
Hello? Hello? Listen, don't be like that, okay? Hello? Can I explain?
You need to just pet her neck and tell her to calm down, little baby.
So she hung up, right?
Little chick, the little chicky.
Little chicken.
Little chicken, my little chicky.
Oh, thanks, Nunu. That was a good call, Nunu.
I don't know if that's still the takeaway, but that was still fun.
Matt, Nunu says, Matt already has that number.
She recognized his voice, and she sang a song to you at one point?
Oh, okay. I don't know. I don't remember a lot.
Yeah, me neither. Was it a friendly song, do you think? I don't know.
Oh, I don't know. I can't remember her singing.
Wow. Well, definitely. You did not get any song. You just got nothing but a tirade of cursing.
I got, she talked about the nasty of things that a woman could talk about her periods.
Like Phil. Phil Flarn Phil.
Phil Flarn Phil. Yeah, that's what it was.
They can't have no curse show.
Phil Flarn Phil.
You can't have no curse show.
Tell that motherfucker to have a coke and smile.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Calls of Mass Confusion
I don't have to watch time to have ads, but I got the
You'll get there. Yeah, you got you're making Dwight numbers now. Well, you begin. They'll be cutting you a check pretty soon
I don't think so. I don't consistently make videos
You should you should put these motherfuckers on the YouTube, you know
We need more shows uploaded sex, I know you're listening you were doing them
What happened to the whole website you would go to that held all the funky video?
Oh, well, I can only make videos after they're posted on the Prank Call Nation site.
Are you still doing that then?
Yeah, well, I have a playlist.
I've made, I think, all the ones I can, but I have a pretty neat playlist.
I have 21 videos made of them.
Okay, all right.
So that's 21 three-hour videos.
That's a lot of fucking videos.
That's 63 hours.
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Madhouse Live
well hey everybody out there in radio land
this is just me talking
thanks for the congrats
and thumbs up yeah everybody came together
I don't know if I'm still blathering
yeah you're good you're good yeah thank you
I just had to update the wife on the dog
who's in the crate
she's asking if he was bad
uh oh I just dropped something
don't narc on your buddy
oh shit
I'm literally putting Everclear on my neck
right now let's see if this burns
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Prank Call Nation
Your call cannot be completed as dialed.
Whatever floats your butter, man.
The butter, for sure.
It's so, it's just, it's a different world, man.
Okay, tinychat.com slash Zach's Intel.
What are your thoughts on this new album?
I'm playing it, this part, I haven't been this deep until now.
What one?
The Zardum one.
Oh, hello, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, are you looking to trade an Xbox 360?
I don't understand what your ad says.
What?
It's not that good, I don't think.
Yeah? That's alright.
One of the tunes is really good, I just heard.
Some of the tunes are dope, but overall, I thought it was just like, eh.
Like, you know?
Yeah?
Yeah.
But again, I haven't listened to it for years, though.
Yeah.
Fucking doom.
No, I'm not saying I just I just like what I was I listened to it twice yesterday, and then I just run fucking
Let's just go back to the good shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah food leftovers is good, too
Foods like my shit. I don't like I don't think I realize how much I used to listen to it back in the day
Yeah, hi. How you doing? Hello? You have a stand-up freezer? Yes. Oh, it's still for sale
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Hello, I'm calling about the glassware, ma'am.
Oh, that's a totally different person.
Hello.
Totally different person.
You're not gonna pick up for me.
Gosh, you scared the deaf kid, boo.
So, if anybody wants to hang around with me and wasted memory,
go to tinychad.com slash zaxintel.
Zax, as in Zed, Zax.
Zed.
Z-A-X Intel as in intelligence
Alright
Dot com as in dot com
Here is a sushi place
Don't know where we're gonna go with this
I'm thinking about ending it actually early
So I'm actually gonna make some chicken thighs
I think I'm gonna put some soy sauces on it
Some ginger powder
And I got some fresh chives here
That I cut the other night
I got some leftovers
Hey Zach's Intel
Hi guys
Come in with my big interrupting
Hey Mr. Hair
How are you?
I'm I'm looking at the most recent party time in audacity
Yeah, you gotta get editing that because Matt was real upset just a minute ago talking about that
Hi, I'm gonna put Zach's on he's gonna order some some of that sushi. Yeah. Yeah. All right Zach's go ahead
Go ahead, buddy. I know it's hello. Hello. Hi
Do you have like very because I can't you I have no teeth
I need very soft things that I could just sort of, you know, like swallow like a little bird.
So I think sushi, you know, birds eat fish, raw fish, and I need to swallow like a bird.
Now do you see? Now does two plus two make four or no?
No, what do you think?
No, I'm sorry, I cannot understand it.
But anyway, you want to order sushi?
Yes, yes. I need the softest sushi you have.
What kind of soft sliver down my throat?
What kind of sushi we have?
So many different kinds we have. It's like a little fish. Hello. I think I think I could fit a little fish down there. Yeah, a little one. Yeah, probably do. What kind of fish do you want to? Do you have it? Do you have a hamachi and then yellowtail, shrimp, tuna and toro and shimachi?
It's good to have tuna. The pizza places have never heard of tuna in America.
I don't know. They don't have tuna anywhere.
Oh, you know? I know. It's a big problem.
This is not a pizza place. This is a sushi place.
I'm just letting you know about the issue with the place.
Yeah, yeah.
It's not really going anywhere.
Dragon roll? Dragon roll? Dragon roll?
Dragon roll? Dragon?
Dragon roll.
Dragon roll?
Is this really not this is no boo no boo like the no boo in LA
No, I'm they don't have them in England
Are you affiliated with like no boo in LA in New York? Is this the same people not?
You know company
Oh, do you not have sesame seeds on the
processing
You don't know to the menu you think problem to a yes
Right it's gonna be a problem. Yeah, can I make an order for dragon rollin? Yes?
We have one of dragon load order
Yeah, how many one one order six pieces coming okay?
Okay, well, I'm coming then. One order, six pieces, one shrimp tempura.
One shrimp, we have a shrimp tempura, cream cheese, shrimp tempura, avocado, orange.
We have a shrimp tempura, it's asparagus, three kinds we have.
Asparagus. No, no. You know what? Asparagus makes your pee-pee taste smell really bad, you know?
And tastes bad, too. You know, it smells bad when you drink.
Do you know that in Japan, that when you eat asparagus, your pee-pee smells bad?
It's only certain people's DNA.
Hello, I'm sorry too, so you come here and then you can order because you're not busy.
I'm peeing, I'm peeing.
Is she gonna say come in front of me too like the other lady?
I'm peeing.
It smells bad.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah, I heard that that's only certain people.
Really?
Yeah, I don't know.
Like black people?
Yeah, I guess if we do live in the future, we could just Google it.
The future's now.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Ability to Smell Asparagus Pea Driven by Generic Variation
Good
ừa
Hey, he tried- he was on a stern so he tried to get Artie Lange in on his show and was like, fuck you, hello?
Yeah I'd like to make an order
For pick it up?
For pickup, yeah
Yes, of course
Yeah, what would you like sir?
One rice
Okay, one shells
One
Shells
That? I'm sorry
Do you have the shell? Snails, snails
We do not, sir
Ah shit, okay
One dragon roll
Okay, one maki roll
What's a maki roll?
Uh
Uh, oh, it's like a tamago
Tamago
No, maybe you don't have maybe you don't have one Philadelphia roll. Okay. Okay one, California roll
All right, one a horse roll
You don't have horse roll, okay
All right
And then after I eat the food how long until I have to take a shit in the toilet?
How long until I have to take a shit in the toilet after I eat?
No, this is sushi blue ocean sushi
Closed Captioning by Kris Brandhagen.com
I got to do something man
I got to keep it fresh
I like that, that was fun
Flip it, reverse it
I want to call back that muslin
Or whatever they were, that lady
The period blood and all that shit
Maybe she'll talk to me
Maybe she'll sing the cockroach song to me
I wonder, was it a friendly song
I'm going to say, yeah
You used to be friendly
You used to be cool
Nunu said you used to be cool
All of it
maybe we just remove date night or something
I think I was listening to one your show there was well that happens a lot though right he
send you a lot of those cockroach numbers
Yeah that new news thing like keep in keep in Europe clean
yeah
or England
don't tell me he lives in Europe he gets mad about that the UK is not
oh no they Brexit you
Zack is here is eating pizza
yeah yeah
do you agree
you are very anti
I got my big vote sign. I got my big sign.
Brexit. All for Brexit.
I had it in my window and I was waving.
Hello?
He was out working for UKIP.
Hello, ma'am?
Britain first or something.
Sharmuta? Sharmuta?
I think... I... I... I... No.
Sharmuta, are you there? Sharmuta, woman, man, hello?
Monkey!
Hey!
Hey
I hear you sung a cool cockroach song
Before can you sing more friendly?
Are you farting that is that I was gonna say is that is that her pussy?
Is that the air and the woman's pussy from fucking so much?
What it whatever it's taking tremendous effort to do and I don't I don't think it's gonna
This is hilarious. This is great stuff. You got you got us somebody posted that beat us a butthead
Toilet flushes
Congratulations, you just won a pizza. Give me your address. I'll make sure to get to you boys
But they have toilet too. Listen, listen, we have toilet
Because it really is
Call Nation Madhouse Live
At least we're having fun with it at whatever.
What time is it over there, Mr. Zax, or correspondent?
Almost 2 a.m.
Oh, wow.
1, 1.53.
Friday night.
When do your clocks roll?
We did it recently.
Just about, like, three weeks after yours or so.
Oh, okay.
I thought it was this week for some reason.
Okay.
No, it's like last week.
Because I was going to tell you, you know, you're going to lose an hour.
Be careful.
Don't wake up late.
Be careful.
Yeah, I remember when you missed church
Fucking church, right? You probably never went to church there
Well Matt probably went to church a few times
Yeah, I even had a first communion and shit back in the day. Did you go to the Church of England?
Um, I can't remember what kind but I definitely been we had like
School trips to a church and there was a vicar man. He stood and he said words
I went to a church of England school
a christian school we had we had choir practice we sang
sang like songs about like jesus yeah you know any still um i know one
let's go to this it was from it was the very first one that we ever sung
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Let's go
Start watching you think you're
We're in the middle of a new civil war here
You know and what people don't want to remember is that there is a thing called the dead hand and the Russians do still maintain
It the dead hand program is still in place. You can thank Ronald Reagan for that. No, no nerve gas
Yeah, no the dead hands
Hello, hello, hi
Hi, what can I do for you, sir?
Hi, is this a sushi machine?
Sushi, yes.
Okay, good. I'd like to make an order. One dead hand?
Uh, what do you want to order?
A dead hand?
Just one.
You don't have this?
Dead hand, dead hand. You know what that is?
What's a dead hand?
I sit on my hand until it goes numb, and then I masturbate, and it feels like someone else is doing it for me.
Okay.
I don't know, but it sounds like you.
One dragon roll?
A dragon roll?
Yeah.
One dragon roll. Anything else?
Yeah, one tamago.
Tamago?
One tamago.
Egg custard?
Egg custard?
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
You know how you sit on your hand and it goes to sleep?
Um, anything else I can get for y'all?
Because when I touch myself like that, it doesn't feel like it's me doing it.
April Fools April Fools
I'll be serious okay that's it what's my how much is the total 2074 okay all right all right and
I want to see you when I'm there right do you have the toilet do you have a case I eat either
in case I need to use the toilet yeah I read a book about the dead hand program it's basically
all right so this motherfucking Reagan they had his head all spinning like hey we're gonna get
Lenten
Star Wars
Program
And
We
Are
Going
To
Put
Missiles
And
Lasers
And
Space
To
Stop
The
Soviet
Banner
is called retarded
an old and senile zi believe that
and a fucking gorbachev
and ham were in the middle of summit and global as a hate
here's an idea
telethis is cool
let's completely get rid of both our nuclear stockpile we're going to get
rid of ours the soviets are you going to get rid of yours americans who have no
nukes it would agree is to be greatly peace forever
Madhouse Live
Star Wars
That movie tie-in hybrid yeah, that's why I think Reagan signed a thing with George Lucas
Yeah, so
The Russians so Gorbachev went back said alright look this motherfuckers a crazy fucking cowboy
We need an alternative the Star Wars so they made the Dead Hand Program
So basically if Moscow loses communication with the nuclear command every single nuke that the Soviet Union has will just fly off
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Callers, Prank Call Telephone People
We're having a great time tonight
I'm going to be doing a 20 minute long pre-show
Nice, are you really?
Because I'll tune in
My wife will tune in
Why are you quitting now? Let's just go on until 7
I have to make chicken
I need my protein
Matt, do a party time show
Oh, yeah
Zach's just
I already messaged
Yeah
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Calls Calls of Mass Confusion
C-O-M-C Pranks on YouTube
C-O-M-C Pranks on YouTube
Twitter is Calls of Mass Confusion
Also on Facebook, same thing, Calls of Mass Confusion
Live show in less than an hour
That's going to be over at YouTube
So again, youtube.com slash C-O-M-C Pranks
It may or may not be on audio also
I don't know, I don't know
If it is, it'll probably be on the Prank Call Nation one
So look out for that
Matt Hillog Zach Show
Party Time
Who is fucking bastard
make you to do call
this number
Comments 0
Nobody has said anything yet.
Log in to comment or to suggest fixes.