MadhouseLive

It’s Up To Your Ass

26 May 2018 · 1 h 43 min · 7,558 words · source

Calls (14, 27 min of 1 h 43 min)

  1. Yard sale caller gets hung up on live 3.8 min clip ↓
  2. Cub Scout yard sale fundraiser live 1.1 min clip ↓
  3. Greek diner asked about hygiene live 2.6 min clip ↓
  4. Joey Guns tour guide confrontation live 3.1 min clip ↓
  5. Hay burn speed for horse live 1.3 min clip ↓
  6. Target bag masturbation technique inquiry live 1.3 min clip ↓
  7. Upright freezer safety incident call live 1.6 min clip ↓
  8. GE stove inquiry turned chaotic live 4.8 min clip ↓
  9. Go Go Curry asked about Indian staff live 1.3 min clip ↓
  10. Frames people asked about intestinal process ivr 3.1 min clip ↓
  11. Cigar place asked about smoking effects live 48 s clip ↓
  12. Call Nation Madhouse Live flirtation live 48 s clip ↓
  13. Call Nation Madhouse Live Clinton cigar story live 33 s clip ↓
  14. Prank call about Michael Jackson and Hugh Jackman live 1.6 min clip ↓

Transcript

It's up to your answer, I know.
Tell you what, I'll sell you something, and I'll take care of your ass, too.
I wanna see what kind of balls you have when you come here.
I got big Turkish balls.
I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.
That's my big amigo, so just kick back to listen to this cat call people.
When this show goes live, I'll be like, damn, this shit's bitchin'.
Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen.
Madhouse Live
I like the part of the show where the phones ring.
Hello, I hear you got a huge yard sale.
Hello.
You got a yard sale.
Hello.
You got a yard sale.
Hello, sir.
You got a yard sale.
Hello.
Hi.
Hello.
Hello
Do I have the wrong thing connected?
Yello
Yello
Yello
That was a good yellow though
Yello
Yello
Yello
Yello
Why was that not working?
Yello
Maybe that's just
Yello
We got all kinds of people popping in the TC here
That's nice
Nice
See everyone
Yello
Day of dead
He's like that's the way to speak say hello
Jello
Hello, I'm sorry my audio is fucked up, oh no worries man, you're a little loud, a little loud, me? Oh I was reading the thing, I'm a little loud, hello can you hear me? Hello lady, god damn it, don't tell me the phone machine is broken, I know what to do, Fred, talk to you about Gorman Ear Guards, guard your ears, check that, um, let's do a little bit of both, discord, discord, yeah,
Hello? Hello? Hello? It's working. It's working on my phone. It's working just fine. I can hear myself talking to my cell phone. That lady's crazy. She needs to turn on her hearing. I think she was. I think she was doing that new thing where people just act like they can't hear you. Oh yeah. So this is for another yard sale. Let's see if they pick up. Why don't you try going to the Discord? I'll be with the shortcut. Okay. Discord.gg forward slash pranks. That is the Discord. Yeah.
But I wanted to open it and the thing, where should it go?
Hello? Can you hear me?
Hello?
Can you hear me?
Yep.
Yeah, hey, you got a yard sale.
You got a yard sale?
Yeah.
Oh, all right, what can you tell me? What kind of stuff you got?
Um.
Hello?
Hello?
Who is this?
My name's Cross. I'm interested in the yard sales.
We sold everything out.
All right, but wait a minute now. Saturday ain't done yet.
Oh, shit.
Man he was very slow like like cold molasses
What's wrong with these people?
It's not even the 4th of July
Like rare fox beating the shit out of the tar baby
Come on boy
Who is he?
Don't be so slow
At the tone please
Can't even leave a good voicemail message
He needs to get Brad Carter to do one of his messages there
He's outgoing right?
He does a great job Brad Carter
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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The Cub Scout Pack is sponsoring a benefits yard sale in June.
Is this better, Mike Gill?
Yes, that is. Thank you very much, Mr. Madhouse.
I very much apologize.
But I sent Brad a message that will pass it on YouTube.
You guys should do YouTube streaming radios of your old prank shows.
Well, I'm planning it.
In this chat.
Listen, I'm planning it.
I got a new Frankenstein computer machine I'm making.
Madhouse Live
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Prank Dose
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New York City Meetup
We can go today and it actually got three cats came out. I want to thank all everyone who came out a lot of people
You know said they couldn't come out. It was just way too short notice
I found out you know like six days before I was gonna be in New York City that I was gonna be there for the night
So my man Richie was there, but it was really cool, and we actually talked about a lot of shit
I just let them ask me whatever questions they wanted to these guys were super I was it was really weird
Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by Kris Brandhagen.com
We're not gonna do we're not gonna just cash it out and just do whatever with it like we do
We'll get your head out my pockets all of them. Yeah
That's what the city Malcolm X for the shot
I thought you said there were people in there. There's people just watching me nobody's coming on video
Are we confirmed that Dwight's going on today?
I have no idea I have no idea but I'm done by Tom he's online now I know that
he's away from his computer I can assume he is let's call us out I'm calling
regarding the Cub Scout pack yeah I see you're gonna be doing a yard sale for
the American Legion post yes we are all right what kind of I mean are you asking
P.G. 13 Movies
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Closed Captioning by Kris Brandhagen. brandhagen.com
What if I...
I have a copy of Oh God Bill also.
Of what?
Oh God Bill.
What is that?
It's a pornography movie.
It was kind of shot with like a shaky camera
and there's this woman on top
and she's like,
Oh God Bill.
I could play it right now for you here
if you want to hear.
No, that's fine.
That's fine.
Okay, all right, all right.
Now what about...
We could go circle.
What about books?
We can sell books.
Okay.
These are like,
you know those Goosebumps books?
Yes, those would be great.
Okay.
Okay, but, alright, so my son, he used to like the Goosebumps books, but when he hit puberty, he started drawing, like, pictures of penises and vaginas in them, and he, like, he would cross out some of the words and put, like, dirty words in there, like, there was one, like, it said, I want to climb a tree, and it said, he took out climb and put the F word, so it says, I want to F the tree, you know, F-U-C-K, he put the whole thing.
I want to fuck the tree.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah
That was a bad trip but after that that's what I meant the dudes, you know, I met the fans
That was really cool. By then. I almost calm down. No
holy shit dude
like
It my first experience in a yellow cab going through Times Square and he's like, you know cutting people off and yelling and
banging this fist
So we will beat the rest of the time
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Pace
and that's what i watched it for thirty minutes very high
after eight hot dog
and uh... i couldn't fix took if there are other fucking game and the fucking
cricket mom
well you know
what the fuck really do it is a baseball
is it
uh... i i don't know i don't know i don't know i just told i don't get it
they get it
i don't get it is retarded
uh...
The people, I don't know what's going on in New York City, but like at Central Park, they're super aggressive now.
I had a black gentleman who had very long limbs and was looking for donations for a basketball team.
Started making fun of my goatee and my shoes.
And my wife stopped me, but I wanted to politely tell him, hey, these shoes are orthopedic shoes.
They look like shit, but they're medically prescribed and they cost more than Yeezys.
So, you know, like, you dumb fuck.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
T cigar ferocious
You sure you really filmed the home alone to comedy very funny movie and then I show you where they killed John Lennon
Jesus Christ's dad like no I'll fucking walk. Jeez. What are you fucking?
And how do they know that I'm not from New York City, yeah
Walking around black jobs. There enough. Well, I mean I did have a Sun visor on and a fanny pack
I was doing like I did it just to be funny like so looking up and like god dang these buildings sure are tall
they say like San Francisco's the closest thing to New York on in California or whatever bro let
me tell you the crate that it was it's fun as hell I had so much fun I've been there before
Madhouse Live
I mean, literally, sleep. Yeah, I mean, it literally is that. Yeah. The first time I went was right after 9-11 and the population had dropped down. Obviously, a lot of people got out. Now it's starting to pick up again. But I remember seeing it like it looked busy to me. And I remember a friend of mine, I think Zola was like, yeah, this is nothing, man. Like, you know, after 9-11 is died down. It was crazier before. It is really crazy. They're too expensive, man. Holy shit. Expensive. Anyway, hey, we do pranks. Here's Lisa.
Lisa who works with the Boy Scout, the Cub Scout Pack, and they got a yard sale coming out for a benefit.
Yeah, that's what I was saying.
Hey, what were the little, like, price things you noticed the most?
The price things I noticed?
Like, you know, that something's just a normal little price, but it was, like, crazy stupid.
Hot dog was $6, first of all.
No sign posted either.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
and we were like now we're drunk and still stoned and we're hungry we didn't eat there so we're like let's get let's get pizza and like you know we shouldn't get it here at Times Square yeah it's a really bad idea it's like ah fuck it I'll pay for it like all right we get dude uh a 12 inch pizza an order of calamari and two waters came out to 70 something dollars
Oh
Had like a
I mean it was good pizza, but it was small fucking small
I had really good Chinese food. I had a rock like legit ramen like, you know
Japanese style ramen with the egg in there and the fucking pork belly
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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absolutely
yeah the regular miso
the spicy miso
the milk and hot
like cheesy ramen
and then the tonkatsu shoyu
I do not
you get it?
yeah
yeah
do you know what that means?
like miso horny
yeah
do you have someone else you can put on the phone that I can talk to dirty?
I do not I'm sorry
oh can you close the store?
close the restaurant?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
What kind of shit do you put in that shit?
Well, it depends on each one, the different things that come in it.
Yeah? The egg? You put an egg in there?
Yeah, it has the ramen egg.
Get the fuck out of here. That's not going anywhere. It's a stupid conversation. We're going somewhere else.
Yeah, is this Greek diner? Greek people? Dirty Greek people diner?
Excuse me?
Is this the dirty Greek people diner?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Well, I just want to see, is it Greek people that work here?
It's a Greek diner.
Yeah, but Greek, right? Greek people?
I don't know what you mean.
Who touches the food?
Are they white people, Greek people, Mexican?
Well, yeah, I want to know because if it's like Greek man or woman,
I want them to wear gloves, you know, because I don't want to get their diseases.
No, this is the place.
This is the place.
This is America, buddy.
This is the place.
No, no, no racists. I'm just trying to be clean, you know
I want to keep our because there's different types of parasites in Europe than the United States. I don't want to cross contaminate
Hey, I keep it down over there motherfuckers all of you
Hi, yes. Yes. This is the Greek people restaurant. Yes
Okay, can the Greek people wear like good gloves when they make my food because I don't want them to touch
I am all employees in any restaurant they will close this day.
Okay, that's good because do you know how dirty the Greek people are?
What did you say?
You know how dirty the Greek people are?
The Greek people are dirty?
Yeah.
So then you should cook by yourself at home.
No, no, no, I need you to cook it.
I am not at the home.
You insulted me right now.
Well, I'm Turkish.
I'm Turkish.
You're Turkish?
So have a good day.
Malacca.
And one day come over here and buy you coffee.
Yeah, right.
I'll throw it in your face.
I don't want your dirty Greek Pustis coffee.
Come over here and throw it in my face.
Yeah, okay, you fucking malaka.
I want to see what kind of balls you have when you come here and throw it in my face.
I got big Turkish balls. I used them on your mom.
So, come and show me because you're a fucking asshole.
You're a chicken. You're a piece of shit.
Can I make an order for chicken?
Chicken?
No, go suck a dick, all right? Bye.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
And don't call back, all right?
I call back.
Don't call back because I have your number, okay? Bye.
You have shit, motherfucker, you.
He's not going to do anything.
I don't think he has anything.
Yeah, Carlito my shits like cutting in and out bro, so I'm just gonna listen in. All right, sir
All right, be careful. Thank you. All right, you're welcome
I do get I gotta have the next picture
Yo mundo
I'm hearing myself echo from somewhere. Oh too bad
Okay
Yeah, hi, I want to make an order. No, I can take your order. What the fuck are you?
Okay, you said don't call back here. I am I come front. No problem. What are you gonna do about it motherfucker?
How did he not remember your number?
Exactly
All right, all right here comes another restaurant
If you got balls, you come here to listen.
Super Pump 250
Seems like a weird product.
It's for your dick.
Is it?
Yeah.
Rapid Muscle Ampoule
Ampoules?
Lean?
Mass?
Thank you for calling Irish Exit, located on 2nd Avenue, 22nd Street.
We're unable to get your-
I really wanted to talk to the Irish accent. I had a great idea for that. I think you know where that's going.
Nah, shah, shah, shah, shah.
Put it in my accent.
Oh, shah, shah.
Wake up, you drunk.
When Homer has the leprechaun and the fucking cat carrier and he shakes it and says, wake up, you drunk.
And then he comes up with, oh, shah, shah, shah, shah.
Just sticks him on the gypsy. That's so funny.
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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About an hour and six minutes before Dwight McClanahan in theory takes over.
Although he hasn't checked in very rudely.
Yeah, he's in the call.
Oh, hey, Dwight McClanahan!
He's in the call, yo.
It's here for Dwight, everybody.
How you doing, buddy?
I guess you need to announce yourself when you show up.
Yeah, I can't be looking at that computer.
I'm over here on the right side, not the left.
I have entered the call.
I am here.
You need like a DJ drop.
Dwight Puppy
Dwight
Dwight
Hello
HI
Give me a message
Oh fucking asshole
Mothafucker
Let's get on a roll
Oh you're funny
Got you
Got you
At the tone, please recall
Got you
Got you
Got you
he should go
you know
Dick
got ya
got ya
You're not real talking to me
You're dumb
You're not real talking to a robot
I'm so funny
Alright Animal Cage
We'll put Dwight in there
You got anything special planned tonight Dwight?
Or you're just doing a show?
We should cancel
Ah yeah
Movie Nights Canceled
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Closed to each other. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah, they are really close to each other there
Yeah, it was really weird so that their inner space man and woman in between each other
it's a woman man woman man and they're the size of like like a dude they have this is little baby sinks in each of
Them that are like smaller than a shoebox. I can't you not they're really close quarters
And yeah, I mean total. Yeah, we should call that place. What was that place called?
Was that one of the people that were there? I wonder well
Prank the bar we met up
Someone named Tucker
Kind of chat for the win says Clay
We're calling to your authority, this is Rochelle speaking
Yeah, hi, do you have power outlets inside those bathrooms on the second floor?
Inside the bathrooms? I don't think so
Alright, cause I wanna, okay, so I should bring a cordless drill then?
A what?
A cordless drill then? I can't plug in?
Give me a second, okay?
Okay.
Oh, this is gonna be nice.
Oh my god.
Doing some work in the laboratories up on the second floor, huh?
Yeah.
I never understood how these men of a certain, certain kind of, aw man.
There's certain kind of men that make these glory holes in the bathrooms.
Like, those look metallic.
They're like hard metal frickin' dividers and then they're,
I don't know how they get holes in there. I don't know what they do. They bring in tools or shit? Ice picks? I don't know. It seems like a whole project.
They ain't there, man. When I...
And they gotta do it quiet in between people coming in. They can't just be sitting there.
When I would install power cables and control...
Yeah, hi, I'm calling regarding the bathrooms there, the restrooms.
What about them?
Well, are there power outlets in between, in there, in any of them?
No, because you're not allowed to have power inside a bathroom because there's water.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
My name is Joey Guns and I'll be torn and happy to show you around.
I'll kick your ass.
Really?
Yeah.
You know, it's too loud there.
Why don't you come down here and tell me that then?
Alright, alright.
What the fuck are you?
I'll push you down.
I'll push you.
Oh shit.
Joey Guns, man.
Watch out.
Joey Guns.
Joey Guns.
Man, he made me lose what I was saying.
Alright, buddy.
Yeah, yeah.
It was something good.
Joey Guns.
I don't want to have trouble with him.
Oh.
Oh, when I used to cut the firewall, there was a tool for cutting metal that we called a nibbler that would just cut chunks of metal when we had to cut the sheet metal out to do the firewall and the COs around the power cable.
And it's called a nibbler.
It's weird.
A nibbler?
Yeah, a nibbler.
A nibbler?
Yeah.
Like the thing from...
Would this work?
I guess.
Are you telling me that this would work for this application?
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The Hound Fire
How fast does this hay burn?
It'll burn real fast
Okay
Because I'm afraid if it burns too fast the horse might suffer, you know?
Like, it's gonna burn the horse
Apparently, it's just a drill attachment
She metal nibbler
Mad dog fighter
That's $24
Fuck that
Let's steal that shit instead
I'll go to the Sears, no one cares there anymore
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Lippin's on
No, it's not a cheap horse or from Portugal first of all and they're born black at birth and they turn all white
They're very famous horse. Go ahead, but it's about black. They're born all white
They're born black ball and then they turn white. Oh, you know, I do know it's a
Lipans on her horse is born black. They're from Portugal. They're all black
Well, I can't afford it motherfucker, so we got to do something with it
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
How big a boy are you?
Yourself, how big a boy are you?
What?
How big a boy are you?
How big a what?
A boy.
I'm not a whole.
All right, look, you're a stupid fuck, and it's not funny that you make an Asian voice.
We're not going anywhere with this.
Oh, okay.
All right.
All right, can we talk about your underwear?
Can we talk about your underwear?
Your underwears?
All right, bye.
Bye, stupid asshole.
I thought he was for real funny.
Did you see what I just posted in the...
Oh, you're not on Skype.
I am on Skype.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
I have to use the bathroom. Can you just explain to me about the tractor? Do you use it still?
Well, I did use it. I have been using it, working in my garden with it. But that's about it. The disc is all I've got with it, you know, right now.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Um, does it need, does it run on diesel or gasoline?
It must run on, um, gasoline.
No, it's gasoline.
Gasoline.
Gasoline.
Okay.
Yeah.
Does it have a toilet on it?
A what?
A toilet?
Yeah, does it have a toilet on it?
Yeah, it's got that pulley on the left side, though, you know, where you use, and it's
a hand crank, you know, on the other side.
And you masturbate it?
Yeah.
Okay, how long does it take to ejaculate after you masturbate it?
How long does it take what?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Carlito Laugh Track Madhouse Live
Little Bitty Penis
Okay
Yeah, okay
Okay, alright
Did it ever fuck another trailer and have sex with another tractor?
And have like ejaculate inside of it?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The
Road is yeah, yeah, I'm gonna yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a Bible Bible? Yeah, yeah
Yeah, I want to I want to throw the Bible at the tractor and then I want to pour blood of Jesus all over it
And then I want to burn it more the track after I buy the tractor. I'm gonna burn it in Satan's name
Finally
I started the question if it was real are you at a soundboard yeah fucking
Christ man you got a hand crank on it like he'd been he was priceless where
are all these numbers coming from Tennessee a lot of the people that are
answering are really good this is the middle of bumpfuck Egypt Tennessee did
I'm calling in for like a decade
and yeah
some of them are like
cartoon characters
some of them really are yeah
they really
well that was funny
hey guys make sure you vote for movie night tonight
vote for my selection Dirty Work
hello
oh hey if you want to watch Dirty Work
oh man
I'll go I'll vote right now fuck it I'll go if you guys want to watch Dirty Works amazing dude oh my god look at the all star cast you guys you got right it's Norm Macdonald Artie Lang it's an amazing movie right Norm Macdonald Artie Lang movie right you got Chevy Chase is in it you got Don fucking Rickles it's so good dude what's his name from Roseanne John Goodman's in it and it's Chris Chris Farley his last movie
Madhouse Live
I'm going to stop app working so I'm going to try and do it in webbates.
I'll get you a link. I'll get you a link. Everyone if you're not this far, go for dirty work. Make Carlito happy. Go for dirty work, motherfucker.
We got someone looking for a propane tank. Yeah. We'll put fucking Dwight McClanahan's ass in there.
General discussion, bot music. What are we doing? Announcements?
I think it was in announcements that I saw it, most recently.
It's a Hijinx one. Are you in a Hijinx?
Yeah, I'm in there right now. Let's see.
Alpha Space. Let's see. Requiem? No, hang on.
This is all older.
Oh, okay. Dirty Works.
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
We lost Dwight McClanahan. I can only presume that Dwight McClanahan is preparing himself for the show.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Get Yourself Some Mofongo
I Recommend It With The Shrimp
Sometimes
I Don't Know
It's A Little Too Tomato-y
I Would Recommend It With The Pork
Chicharron Or Pernil
It's Surrounded With A Nice Broth For You
You Know
Palinger Reports
Anyone Can Vote Sir
Anyone Can Vote
Okay
I'm Clicking It
It Goes From 5 To 6
I Don't Know What's Going On
So
Yeah Hi
I See You Got A Twin Bed Mattress Box Springs
For Sale
Yeah
Just A Spring
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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You got like one of them, like the soft cut, maybe like a bread sandwich sandwich, a bread bag, a bread bag, bag for bread.
We don't keep a bread bag.
I know those hands-free masturbation technique where you put the bag in between the box spring and the mattress and you put squirt lube in it and you fuck it.
You know, you put your dick in there and you, you know, so I just want to test it out.
That's what I want it for is for, you know, sexual purposes.
I'm too big for a twin bed mattress, but I'll hump it.
I'll hump it.
I got the idea for my dog.
Yeah, I got the idea for my dog.
He humps his little baby bed all the time.
So I started looking up hands-free masturbation techniques, and I found that.
The Target bag is the best one because it's soft, you know?
And you just put some kind of lube in there, water-based lubricants, whatever you want,
some KY jelly, you can do some Vaseline if you want.
I don't care what you do with the baby once you pay for it.
Yeah, but I got to test it out.
I got to make sure that it's a good fuck, you know?
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or a target bag and you put your lube in there and then you put it in between the mattress and you put your dick in it.
I'm like, okay, now we know what you're talking about.
Thanks, weirdo.
He was there every day, all day.
You just go on there and he was one of the people on there.
Hands-free masturbation techniques.
Hit me up.
Yeah.
Fine.
Yeah.
Oh, dude, we would connect to women and we would just say, yeah, I can see your face.
I don't know if we are watching Dirty Work.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Wars
Upright Freezer
Upright Freezer
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah, the kid got in and let me let me try to let me try to be all those PSAs about like don't go to a refrigerator. Yeah, it's like you'll die. There was I think there was a very special punky about it. Hello. Hello. Yeah. Do you have the upright freezer? I'm sorry. You fucking bitch. Why do you fucking sell it? How much you sell it for?
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Like an embankment like down a mountain basically and they had to go rescue him so he had a lot of brain damage
So he wasn't right in any way he moved a wister mask with my uncle and shit
And one day like they couldn't find him they looked for him like around the apartment and all over the area
For like an hour they couldn't find him so they were gonna go down after like an hour
They were all freaked out like he disappeared he got kidnapped whatever he was like 16
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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TheFNDC.com
Work is for Suckers
Carlito Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't think I will watch that
it's too NBC for me now
fuck that shit
the only thing worse than that is CBS
they're just yeah like any big
networky shit
any of the old guard
I don't care hi I saw that
you had a round marble cable
round marble
Marble Kitchen Table with Two Chairs
You can add two more with it, but I only use two chairs.
Okay, but I like matching chairs, so I wouldn't have to get some folding chairs at Walmart.
You're asking $100 for it?
Yes.
Alright, okay, alright. Can I see the kitchen table? Can I come see it?
When would you like to see it?
Madhouse Live
The
the
the gap to it is a got a lot of balls not choose
the lot does a have balls and Jews from whatever out there
yes you can have balls on the and then you could use force
I was going on the something happened something good happened what happened
penis I have been inside the
super yeah see a my
hillock is P very good good for him
Get some pee out
We got a male and female cockatiels with a cage
They're beautiful, nice birds
They come with cage
Thanks for telling me twice about the cage, asshole
Did you mention the cage?
Cock
Fuck me
Cock, right?
I don't even know if they're female
Oh, they're both male and two female
Oh, shit
It's a concubine
Hello
Hi, I see you got two cockatiels
Three cockatiels
You still got them?
Hello
The Big Brain on Nashby
Madhouse Live
You're a joke.
No, I'm not a joke.
I'm looking for a GE electric self-cleaning stove.
You got it.
Motherfucker, you.
Hey, don't be a motherfucker, motherfucker.
I got you, dude.
You thought I was going to tell me.
Are you real world?
What the fuck?
I don't know.
Was that a voicemail?
What the fuck was that about?
Hello.
I haven't called that number before.
Did I?
Oh, I might have.
Oh, I had a winch in the TV earlier.
I don't remember that call.
I don't either.
What the hell?
Let's try to get an explanation.
Dirty Work Winning
I heard a rumor that Dirty Work isn't in the lead now.
It's doing better.
They're tied.
I don't know how it was.
Thank me later that you guys didn't watch the Parents of the Caribbean shit
when we get to watch Dirty Work tonight.
I'll stay up for that.
I will stay up for that, too, and stay around.
Yeah, yeah.
I think about that.
That holds like a special soft spot in my heart
because I used to watch that VHS all the time back in the day.
Dirty Work, I remember that.
Yeah, yeah, and like around the time I used to like listen to Dirty Voice Tape a lot with my boy Bamski.
Like, I was like 19 or 20, and like back in the day, we watched this shit out of Dirty Work.
Hello? Hello? Yeah, hi, I see you got that stuff for sale. You still got that for sale?
Oh, you were looking for a utility trailer?
I've done about one.
Aw, shit, what kind did you get, brother?
Nine bucks.
How are you going to call it the toy box by any chance?
There's a got a big dick on it. Well, oh nice. This is do a lot of good fucking
Yeah, are you good? Are you gonna breed it cuz I'd be down to get one of them trailer puppies
You got enough of them. Yeah, but one of you wouldn't when are you breeding it?
So I know I like to put down for one of the litter the first litter that comes out
I got a trailer big enough to put my ass on now.
I'm going to fuck my wife on it.
I was just thinking toy box killer when I think of a utility trailer, you know?
You got that shavy Suburbam for sale?
What's your fucking problem?
Let me tell you what my fucking problem is.
How many ads you got, motherfucker?
Shut up.
I said shut up.
I said shut up.
Give me the freezer and the suburban, motherfucker, you.
Okay, CJ.
I want that.
Oh, shit.
How'd you know it was me?
My bad.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
You know, CJ.
My bad.
I'm sorry.
I'm just joking.
That's all.
We're in a lurch now.
I'm just joking.
That's all.
Yeah, yeah.
You are a joke.
Couldn't you go out and find somebody else?
Why don't you learn how to respect somebody?
I'm sorry.
I'll kiss you, though.
Can I kiss you?
Yeah, I bet you will.
I'll kiss you with my damn 12 gauge, too.
How about that?
Can I smell your pussy lips?
F**king CJ's in trouble!
Oh, CJ.
Oh, CJ, CJ, CJ.
CJ...
Man, you ain't been right ever since you got out.
Mm-hmm.
I'll tell you what, CJ...
He's like, stop, the boy I beat and he got dropped and she ain't gonna run you through.
Who the f**k is CJ?
He's in a beer that's cold.
Frrm, frrm, frrm.
Frrm, frrm.
How many a**es this lady got?
Why do you keep calling her?
Ah, shit.
Yeah, hi, you're looking for free horses?
Yes, I am.
I got a couple Lipizzaners that we can't afford anymore.
I don't know if you'd be interested in taking care of them.
You've got to take good care of them.
They're very rare, special horses.
Yes, I know all about them.
They're all white.
They're all white.
They're born black, and they're from Portugal.
Where are you located?
I'm located in Rogersville.
I've got a property here at Horse Machine Ranch Road.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Madhouse Live
Well, I can't listen to it right now. I'm in the middle of a restaurant.
Oh, okay, but yeah, click on that, though, on the internet, and I'll show you where to click.
It's on the bottom left.
Oh, so you're on a mobile device.
She got it all right.
You spin me right, right in the eye.
That's me spin, Carlito.
Oh, but isn't that the same song there? No?
Yeah, yeah.
No, I don't think they do the song on GHF.
Oh, shit. We should find out.
Go to the site
No, I think it's just
Like a beer pure too
No
But it does bounce around so you can't close it
Does it work on mobile?
Yeah, it's pain in the ass
I've tried it on mobile
Pain in the ass clothes
So that was fun, wasn't it?
That was really fun, actually
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
She's like so let down that it was a joke because she thought she was going to get to play with the Lipizzan horses and shit.
Like, oh, they're lovely.
Yeah, it's like, I love the Lipizzans.
Oh, my God.
I just learned about them from that movie Crimson Tide.
And the goddamn pirates and the fucking dirty worker head to head.
Oh, all right.
Well, I got to vote still.
My guess is Dwight is pro Pirates of the Caribbean.
Cause he's a fucking cake boy.
And he probably wants a seat.
Really?
Oh yeah.
Really?
Fucking yeah.
Go Curry Times Square.
How can I help you?
Hey how you doing?
This is Go Go Curry.
Yes this is Go Go Curry 38th Street location.
How can I help you?
Yeah.
Do you have Indian people here?
Sorry?
Do you have Indian people here?
Indian people?
No we don't.
Is this Indian Curry or some other type?
Indian Japanese curry
Oh, thank God those Indians. I can't stand them. They're disgusting, you know
So what can you tell me about Japanese curry? Well, how different is it them from the Indian curry?
What means Japanese curry is not spicy at all. But our original curry is pork based
So and we also have vegetarian curry, okay, all right with that well you have tofu. Yes. We do have tofu
Yes. Okay. Do you have anything else?
We have chicken pork
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I got GERD. G-E-R-D. What's that one? What's GERD?
GERD.
GERD. GERD.
You need to stop eating those gummy vitamins. It'll change your world.
Oh, dude.
GERD.
You got gastric and tepid fever. What the fuck is GERD?
For events, parties, and lane reservations, press 1.
Zero.
Please stay on the line while your call is transferred to the operator.
Okay
We're about 15 minutes away from Dwight McClanahan taking over
Thank you for calling frames, people
Fucking asshole
Hello?
Are there any surgeons there?
Isn't that the kind of fish they get the caviar out of?
Sturgeons?
Was it sturgeon?
Yeah
I thought it was salmon
Yeah, I don't know
I think it's sturgeons
Ah, I think she heard me say that before
I have to ask for one
What is that?
Water
No, it's sturgeon, not sturgeon
Oh, I'm so silly
It is a sturgeon, really?
Sturgeon
Hello?
Hello?
Hello there?
Yes sir
Yes I would like to place an order
For
Pick up
Call Nation Madhouse Live
How long will it be out of your ass, right?
The feces?
Yes, yes.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, that I know it's up to your ass.
How long does it process in your intestine?
You hear the process?
I'm making the process right now.
Oh, okay, I know, sir.
So you're asking for an order, or?
I'm making the process.
Yeah, I know, sir.
Maybe, like, you're pooping yourself.
Oh, man, that's pretty much it.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You want to come see it?
Matt Baz Milkman
I'm in the bathroom
yeah have a nice night
want to come in the bathroom?
scathouse for the win
yeah man scathouselive.com
everybody
hello? would you like to make an order please?
scathouse for the win
scathouse for the win
good job axpoh it's here for axpoh everybody
that was fun that was really fun
I liked that
yay
it's up to your ass
it's up to your ass it's up to your ass it's a good uh good title for the show
but that's not really the thing because it's like if he feeds you a fucking a laxative it's
not up to your ass no it's in your intestinal area it's not your the poison that he gives you
yeah it's like like it's how your poor ass is gonna react right yeah especially if he really
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
You didn't kill homer unless homer was just such a fat fuck and it had so much beer in him that it didn't affect them
Like yeah, that is a possibility right like the fatness
Yeah, I don't know how that out blowfish shit works on you though. It's a
Neurotoxin so like because people say like it gives you like a nummy on your mouth
No, okay, like like like yay. Oh
Popsicle
Hey, this is Juan Manganudo
Hi, yeah, is this the cigar place?
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
I'm curious like what that does like it's gonna be the millennium blend by
fifty to seventy four dollars okay and how long after I smoked that until I
have to take a shit in the toilet cuz you know how the tobacco makes you need
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Are you single?
You too.
Are you single?
Thanks for being a good sport.
Huh?
I'm taking.
You're taking?
Oh, that's a bummer.
Like, just for tonight, though, you know what I mean?
Come on.
Is it working?
Let's make the cigar disappear tonight, me and you.
Why won't you come by?
Oh, nice.
Okay, what was your name?
Oh, nice cigar.
What was your name?
All right, guys.
I got a nice place in the Upper East Side.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, honey baby.
There you go.
How big are your breasts?
I believe that is the story though. It tastes good. That's what he said.
Ashby, that's sexual harassment. You can't do that.
Fuck you, AXPA.
I'm trying to find a copy of the Star Reports. I was going to read it to her, but...
Oh, wow.
Hey, is it true that Bill Clinton actually did that shit?
That what? That Bill Clinton did that? He admitted to it. Yeah, it happened.
He stuck a cigar in her snatch.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Yes, No, or Reverting to your former statement.
I will revert to my statement on that.
If Monica Lewinsky says that you used a cigar as a sexual aid with her in the Oval Office area, would she be lying?
Yes, No, or Won't answer.
I will revert to my former statement.
And the Republicans got mad at her.
Listen, the story is Monica Lewinsky masturbated with a cigar while President Clinton watched and masturbated as well.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
The Shocking Episode
Wow, no one printed it.
Like I'm saying, it seems like a for real thing
because like I'm saying, I liked, um,
I liked, like, like,
pulling rolled up bloody bills out of my wallet
and buying McDonald's breakfast with them.
Like, get it, get dirty shit
and you don't even know what you're touching, you fuckers.
So that seems like something that Deviant would do.
Yeah.
Well, apparently the thing is they say that he was,
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call
What's-His-Face
from The Gladiator
Hugh Jackman
They didn't know each other formally
but Michael Jackson found his phone number
somehow and prank called him
relentlessly for the longest
prank call and say stupid shit
Hugh Jackman finally
had to tell him, hey man, can you stop fucking with me?
I don't even know you, dude
Stupid pranks like
is your refrigerator running kind of stupid shit
These are always funny
Tee hee Michael Jackson
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
But I wasn't meaning that in any nasty way, you know
I actually used to think it was kind of sweet that he trusted somehow that I'll just be into the gag and it'd be cool
Had he not died he might have actually found my in-house radio
Dwight McClanahan you might have been you know, he's not dead. He's not you don't think he's something
Tupac Shakur
Madhouse Live
No, it was about the Deadpool movie.
It was a bar that showed it and alcohol was served and they, like, revoked their liquor license and shit.
You can't do that in a fucking Mormon state, man.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
It went to the Supreme Court and the bar won.
Yeah, the bar won.
The Bar Association?
Like the lower-ish one?
That already happened with Deadpool 2.
It already went to the Supreme Court within a couple weeks.
Yeah.
Whatever.
Look, I gotta go.
Prank Call Nation
Thanks for tuning in. Thanks all the patreon subscribers patreon.com slash madhouse. God bless
Catch you here in the next holiday. Oh, don't forget my interview Monday night 10 p.m. Eastern 7 p.m. Pacific only on the PLA
Prank Call Nation

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