13 Year Anniversary Show
12 Jul 2018 · 2 h 15 min · 9,575 words · source
Calls (23, 58 min of 2 h 15 min)
- ProRotoRooter plumbing help with sheets in toilet live 3.1 min clip ↓
- Hawaii roofer job inquiry live 48 s clip ↓
- Big Tyler data assistance job live 1.3 min clip ↓
- Outlook meeting confusion live 33 s clip ↓
- Phone system with recorded message ivr 1.6 min clip ↓
- Room for rent inquiry with strange conversation live 5.3 min clip ↓
- Milkman prank call about Armando live 1.3 min clip ↓
- Johnny Guns bouncer call live 48 s clip ↓
- Warehouse Delivery Drivers call live 1.3 min clip ↓
- Brad's odd jobs voicemail voicemail 3.3 min clip ↓
- Forwarded to voicemail after hang-up ivr 48 s clip ↓
- Call Nation Madhouse Live security job inquiry live 6.1 min clip ↓
- Madhouse Live host reintroduces himself live 48 s clip ↓
- Monterrey Bay Aquarium animal distress line ivr 33 s clip ↓
- Sugarland concert inquiry live 33 s clip ↓
- Sugarland fan declares devotion live 33 s clip ↓
- Carlito's Cafe and Cantina call live 1.1 min clip ↓
- Carlito's Cafe and Cantina order live 33 s clip ↓
- Nico calls Milkman about near death experience live 4.8 min clip ↓
- Dom the Bomb calls Milkman about Milkman truck live 3.1 min clip ↓
- 1-800-PETMEDS cow and gorilla story live 8.6 min clip ↓
- Customer Loyalty Team joke and hang-up live 3.1 min clip ↓
- Zappos customer service asked about SKU live 8.3 min clip ↓
Transcript
I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito
That's my big amigo
So just kick back to listen to this cat call people
When the show goes live I be like damn this shit's bitchin'
Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen
You can catch me in the back of his home at Horse Machine Ranch Road
I'm busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos
My spit crazy, shout out to Big Amy, that's nice honey baby
We kissing pussy so ladies such a labia
It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya
Face it cause it's the number one prank cast
Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs
That we hand to your dome
And if you want, call the number
You can listen to this show on the go
Big up to the man in the madhouse
He showed up to stick your motherfuckin' hands up
Some come close, but they can't get it right
Let the king do his thing
Madhouse Live
You sound okay, but I think your audio effects
My audio effects are a little hot in your ear
All right, we're on we're on the air everybody. This is
Hi everybody
We're just kind of fine-tuning some shit here that's not working, right
All right, everybody, thanks for tuning in this is a new studio setup for me and milkman
So if you apologize we're having some trouble, but I think I
Madhouse Live
PINAPLE TURNOVER CAKES
Daniel
Nick
Bannu
Romano
Me
No
You
You play guitar
I don't play guitar
I'll play the drums
And I'll play the guitar
I'll play the drums
I'll give you the bong
I'll give you Ricky Ricardo
Right, right, right
Okay
Um
We're about 10 minutes away
From Milkman
We're about 10 minutes away
From Milkman's bong hit section
Uh
Se
Segment of the show
The 420
On the west coast
Facebook Madhouse.Live
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Excuse me guys.
I've got to figure out a top button.
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Support the show.
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Madhouse Live
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Madhouse Prank Call Radio
Alexa play Madhouse Prank Call Radio
and she or he depending on what
your gender pronoun is for your echo device
is
will play us live here right now
and when we're not live you can listen
to Madhouse Radio shows
from our last 13 years
because this is our 13th year anniversary
show today
13 years of Prank Call shows are available there
if you want to chat
I guess we're in season 14 then
we're in season 14 yeah
Yeah, yeah, we're dead. Oh my lord. Not that it was much of a season the last two or three, but still, you know
Well, it doesn't matter. We still was there. We produced like some holiday shows. It's just there was this little growing time for the show right there. We had to go through a phase, man.
Yeah, a butthurt phase.
I had to take a little time off and I apologize. You know, Armando wasn't able to do as many shows because of that, but I'm back.
A lot of people realized that I was dead for a while, you know.
They brought him back.
I did get a couple messages, but yeah all your all your kind messages actually brought me back to life
Milkman was dead on the operating room table. He was dead and they brought him back to life
I had too many of those those pineapple cakes and my heart wouldn't just
Overload for a minute there from all from near
diabetic overload
Sugar
Prank Dose.com
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Madhouse Live
We got drain cleaning and plumbing 24-7 emergency call.
All right, that's cool.
We can do that because I got lots of sound effects.
I love sound effects now.
Plumbing, dude, my lord, you are overloading on plumbing effects, brother.
Stack the deck when it comes to plumbing, man.
I'm really good at plumbing.
I fixed my own toilet here a few weeks ago.
It was great.
I was like, fuck the fucking apartment people.
Hello, and thank you for calling ProRotoRooter,
A drain cleaning and plumbing company, we also offer emergency 24-hour services.
Please hold, and a customer service representative will be with you shortly.
Let's go, puta.
Wait while I try to connect you.
While I try to connect you.
See, Milkman, I forgot already, but I got you. It beeped at me.
Oh, I didn't do it right.
Hey, Milkman, I got you. I got you. See, it beeped at me to warn me, but I forgot.
It told me.
I was singing, Eterno, ding, ding, man.
Hello, hello. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Is this toilet? Is this the toilet? Yeah, I need help with the toilet. What's happening? Well, we got some sheets stuck in the toilet. There's water everywhere. How do we flush the sheets down through the toilet? You could. You can. Well, they're halfway through already. I'm sure there's a way. Is there a button on the toilet that we push?
Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
There's water everywhere here, sir.
We need you to come down here and clean this up.
What do you mean clean it up?
Well, you're the plumbing service.
Come clean the toilet, clean the water.
Yeah, I mean, I'm glad I got a toilet.
Well, come clean it. It's dirty.
Okay.
Everything's dirty.
There's water everywhere.
Disgusting, dirty, black water everywhere.
Where are you located?
I'm in Horse Machine Ranch.
You know where that is?
No.
This is a fucking corner.
You're an asshole.
You know that, sir?
Yeah, that guy was pissing me off.
It wasn't even funny, Milkman.
Horse Machine Ranch Road
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
The Digital Noise
The Digital Noise
Okay, so if you're not using those higher quality cables,
you're just using like an RCA cable, that might be the problem.
You just need to replace that later with a digital audio cable.
And when you look it up, you know, like whenever you look it up to buy a cable,
you're going to type in digital coaxial digital audio cable.
And there's actually a specific cable for that application.
Okay.
To eliminate that noise problem. Yes, sir.
Man, I just spent so much money on cables and all this time, and now you're going to tell me?
Well, it's not really, because those RCA cables can be used, but if it's just a regular RCA cable, dude,
you know, they're going to have to be replaced with something that's going to be noise-free.
I want to say it might be just something that I can move, because I had it working just fine.
Everything sounded great, just like, even like last night, I was testing things again,
and everything sounded great, and then all of a sudden it just started doing this all over again.
I don't know.
I think I might have a cable laying on some kind of power thing, you know?
Let's take a break, man.
How about a bong hit, dude?
It's like 21, 22 after.
Good enough, good enough, good enough.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll regroup, and then we'll come out of this, and we'll make some calls,
and we're not going to sweat it, dude.
We're going to roll right on, dude, right along.
Yeah, we don't need no echo.
We don't need no echo.
Echo, schmacko.
All right, here we go.
We got worse.
All right, everybody, yeah.
Jobs in Hawaii
We got jobs in Hawaii
Alright
We got roofers in Hawaii
Let's try that
Let's get a roofing job
Hello
Yeah you got
You got roofing jobs
Huh?
You got roofing jobs
Yeah
Alright
What can you tell me about this
Or what can I tell you
Why are you looking for work?
Yeah I'm looking for work
I like to get up on the roof
What kind of experience you got?
I used to put up roofs all the time
I have a hammer
A hammer
You know
I go up there and I hit the things
I
The guy tells me where to go
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't have time for masturbating, man.
Milkman, I gotta get it down.
I'm sorry, man.
You know, I was supposed to bring you right in.
It's gonna take me a while with this new system.
I'm real upset that this shit fucking sounds like it does.
It's translating into the calls that are coming.
Yeah, that's true.
Take time.
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message.
We'll verify the audio later.
Time to go where it needs to come, man.
I guess.
Roll on through it.
Don't let it break you up, man.
Just keep on dancing.
You're Muhammad Ali, don't you, man?
I can be, oh, look at him.
That's right, float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, man.
I'm looking out the window and Homer's pooping, it's real funny.
I get to watch him.
He's taking a shit.
Good boy, Z, that's the Homer boy.
He's leaving some landmines.
Let's try a claymore to call him.
He's out there right now.
That's what he looks like.
He's a big old long body, makes a big long turd.
He's a fucking asshole.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hey, Big Tyler, I see you got a job for data assistance.
Um, for data assistance?
Yeah.
What is the...
Data assistant?
The project number?
Uh...
The ID number?
I got, I mean, you're really putting me on the spot here.
Where is it at?
1-8-3-2-2?
1-8-3...
I mean, what is some kind of like, is this like a Kmart where like the people just come and go?
What was that?
Is this like a Kmart where the people just come and go?
Um, for this job?
Yeah.
What's going on? Why are you like, which one? Which one are you talking about? Why do you say that?
Oh, no, I was just wondering what job so I can. Oh, what is your phone number? I can call you back. I have a meeting to go to. Sorry.
Seriously?
Oh, yeah.
What's the meeting about?
I just popped up.
What do you mean? It just popped up on your Outlook?
Yeah.
You're really irresponsible. You didn't even know you had a meeting come up. Does it start in 15 minutes or does it start now?
It's going to start now.
Okay.
Do you have a phone number?
Who are the attendees?
All of us. Sorry.
Closed Captioning by Kris Brandhagen.com
Listen, listen, listen, honey.
Now, I want you to go into the appointment, into the appointment in Outlook, all right?
Okay.
There's nothing showing up there.
So then you don't have a meeting?
All the staff are just meeting right now.
Okay.
What are they meeting?
I mean, what is this?
Can you put my speakerphone?
I don't know.
They're telling me.
Maybe.
Maybe you're losing your job.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Can I get a phone number to call you back?
I'll call back.
When is your meeting done?
When is your meeting done?
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
And hey, the old Madhouse mouth line is back in operation. We're going to be opening it up
I think we'll do a call and open it up
See if anyone wants to call in because I want to hear from the people
Madhouse is about the children. So I'll be giving that number out in a moment
You can call and join us here
You can shoot the shit maybe do a prank with us if you behave if you're a friend if you're a nice person
Please nice people only calling in to the show
Don't be mean. Don't make me feel bad. Don't make fun of my weight, my kidney problem, and all that.
Please leave your message for...
Joanna.
She has a jigsaw for sale. Joanna, we want that jigsaw.
Let's try to call her back.
I'm starting to chill out now. I was really hyped up.
The audio trouble, I'm still kind of anxious, but I think I'm calming down.
Getting our stride here.
Please leave your message for...
I just really wanted it all to go right.
Hello? Hello?
Hey, is that Milkman?
Yeah.
Yeah? Alright.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, you're back.
Yeah, I'm back. They just dropped out, so I called back. I just tried it.
See? See, that system worked. Yeah, there you go. See, it worked out. I hung up on you in an accident. You called right back in. We're good to go. Alright, man.
Hey, hey, see how it's working. It isn't improving. My lord, you know, I've never heard that ever. So, that's great news.
I know. Things are looking up, huh?
We're just getting started.
Alright, here's a room for rent over where KDK used to live.
KDK, rest in peace.
God damn you.
Rest in peace.
Jerk.
Old Cerebro, rest in peace.
Big baby, jerky.
Wine yet?
This number is not a working number.
Please check the number. You are calling. This is a recorded message
It's a weird phone problems, are you still there moving?
It's weird, I don't know I got weird phone problems here. We're gonna try that again. It went to like Arabic
We got international calling working again here. I'm so excited. We're gonna have so much fun here guys
I'm sorry, I have no idea how you're hearing all this.
I don't hear anybody else.
Do you hear ringing?
Okay, I didn't think you would.
Something weird is happening.
Hey, you got that room for rent?
We do.
Okay.
How can I help you?
Well, I was just wondering, what kind of room?
What's the stats on the room?
Oh, I don't know.
It's an average sized room.
I think it's 12 by 16.
Hold on.
It's upstairs, but part of it's got a roof coming down.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
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Hustlenightmare
move there you move here you can't live in this house it's gonna take some time
to get used to the new setup everyone we'll start by getting the static fixed
Yeah
Hello
Yeah hi
I was calling before
Talked to a man
About a room for rent
Yeah
Okay
Can I talk to
How can I help you
Well what can you tell me
About the room
It's a room
It's a bedroom
Four walls
Yeah
Carpet or hardwood floor
Two windows
Carpet
Carpet
What color carpets
Actually I don't know
It's a new one
I didn't see it yet
Oh good
New carpet
I love the smell
Of new carpet
You know
Oh I love it
I just like to sleep on it
For the first month
When it's new
Oh I love the smell
I used to
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Yeah, I drink. You sound like you do.
No, sorry, I don't.
What are you doing? Huffing paint? What are you doing?
I'm eating dinner.
Oh, what are you eating?
How does that make?
Well, because I like to know you guys got a nice stew going there sometimes.
I love the smell of carpet and stew, you know?
I love it. Just open my door and let that waft in.
So you're saying this is like a walk-in closet you're in?
I didn't say a fucking closet.
Hey, don't say fucking to me unless you're going to fuck, all right?
You just said it to me.
Unless you want to fuck, don't be saying...
Well, I'm a man, you're a woman, and you shouldn't be like that.
What kind of fucking nut job is Ethan in the phone?
What kind of fucking fucking phone?
Alright, is that Ethan again or someone else?
Ethan, did you make it back?
That's Ethan.
Hey, what's up, man?
What's up, man?
Hey, what's up?
Milkman, Ethan is one of the cats that showed up to New York, man, when I had the little meet-up.
He actually was there.
Oh, okay.
I didn't hear anything about it, man.
Okay.
Hey, what's up?
Yeah.
Hey, Milkman, how you doing, brother?
Hey, how you doing?
Yeah.
Hey, okay, I can't hear you.
All right, all right, man.
Good to hear you, man.
Yep, yep.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I've got a question for you.
It's going to get hot inside of you.
Yes, Milkman has a floor.
Go ahead, sir.
Yes, sir.
Hey, is the Armando ugly as they say he is, or is it true, or have you actually seen him?
Is who ugly?
Me, the Armando.
I asked him, yes.
Mine is ugly.
I said, is it true that he's as ugly as they say he is?
Milkman, I was starstruck when I met Carlito.
Yeah, he kept rubbing my legs.
Oh, really?
You got an autograph?
No, I didn't get an autograph.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
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Johnny Guns
No
Are you talking about the bouncer?
Yeah, the bouncer
The big guy
Yeah, his name is
Joey Guns
Yeah, his name is John
Yeah, put Johnny Guns on the phone
Put him on
What's this?
This is Cross
It's who?
Cross, Cross
Alright, one second
Hurry up
It's fucking loud, eh?
This ain't gonna last long
Yeah, he got all types of mad
He got all types of mad because I said I was coming in with a drill
He was like, no, fuck
I think he was like, hey, let me tell you what, my friend
You ain't coming in here
He was pissed
Yeah
Madhouse Live
Hey Milkman, you have a job. You said you're going to be in charge of reminding.
We have to call back the Hawaiian job place in about 45 minutes.
He said he was going to a meeting, remember?
45 minutes.
Yeah.
Okay.
Put that on your time sheet.
Yeah, all right.
All right.
On your time sheet, 45 minutes.
All right, all right, all right.
All right, Warehouse Delivery Drivers.
This is another one that you sent here, I think.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
New York attitude, all right?
Because I don't need it.
Don't give me that New York African attitude, all right?
I'm talking to you.
Man, listen, you ain't shit.
I'm going to go there.
I'm going to hit you in the head with a beer bottle.
Hey, fuck you.
Okay.
Yo, who the fuck are you talking to?
I'm trying back so I guess Johnny Joey he ain't in there today now the phone line's busy great
all right um now Carlito I was saying before when you get a chance um I started I started
laughing out loud as soon as I saw the uh advertisement but Brad's odd jobs isn't that
Brad essential numbers oh Brad's odds yeah the oddest of jobs uh what's Brad got he does odd
Wild Jobs Landscaping Trees Work Dump Runs Dump Runs Stump Grinding and Chipping
Chipping okay all right I'll give this guy a call actually that's good I'll skip that Lionel
train set because fuck that Milkman you ever have a Lionel train set I always wanted one you know
yeah my parents never got me one fucking spics I would go to Toys R Us in the 80s as a little
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I was gonna say, I don't know how, it's part of the advertisement.
You're right, you're right. You're good. You did your job as advertised.
Okay, honey baby.
Sucks about the buzzing, man. I can't, how am I gonna do calls from the toilet?
Are you calling from a local number?
I've reached Brad's odd jobs. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you soon.
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Now, Milkman, how much is a Lionel train set?
I mean, do you have any idea how much your old man sold it for?
Milkman?
I don't know that he ever sold it.
Oh, really?
You think he just played with it?
Yeah, he was an idiot, dude.
I'd have no idea.
I think he probably got, it disappeared.
If I'd have had it, it would have still kept its value, right?
Because I would have kept it, right?
Yeah.
Anyway, they're worth a lot.
The engines are worth anywhere from $400 to $1,000,
depending on which one it is, you know,
I don't know the quality of that, the box, all that shit.
Yeah, that was in the free section.
That train set was free.
Yeah, I'd go for it.
Dude, Milkman, if they'd answer, you know, I'd get you that for free.
I'd actually be serious, you know, be like, hey, my friend Milkman, he's got Down syndrome
and he never got to have a train when he was a kid.
I went to work on my train.
I took my hat, too.
I threw up.
All right, this is a weird story.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
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Good job. It wasn't like man. It's just like the the the engine the caboose not the caboose
But like the engine just came off a little bit. It wasn't like
It's just it's just like it went it went had to go up a ramp and then the the engine part to kind of
To the side. That's all I have
It was but it was still running like the wheels going we like that
And I remember like a kid getting upset like another kid being like a train. It's not working
They fixed it really quick.
It must have happened a lot.
I thought I was going to get in trouble.
I got scared.
I ran.
I hid behind clothing or something like that.
I remember that.
I don't know why I remember shit that doesn't fucking...
Free home oil tank.
Oil tank.
Home oil.
It's not for heating.
Nice.
Listen to those musicals.
And I...
Yes.
Ethan.
You spoke to me a minute ago.
Was that Ethan?
You got what?
I sent you more numbers on Facebook.
Oh, yes.
You did.
Yes, you did.
I will grab those.
Right up.
Our milkman hung up. We lost milkman. Damn it, milkman. He'll call back.
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.
Tom.
Fucking Tom.
Was it Tom or Todd?
Tom.
Tom.
There he is.
Why are you hanging up, milkmans? Why are you hanging up there?
You couldn't hear me?
You hung up. I saw you. All I saw was you hung up. That's all I saw.
No, I was telling you. I was no audio. I was saying hello, hello. Can you hear me?
Uh-uh. No.
No worries.
Did you hear my audio?
Uh, no. I just saw that you hung up.
My audio started dropping out. I would hear you like you was laughing and then like nothing
Then I would say hello and then like your audio come in
I'd say hey better several of the audience and you went out and finally it was just gone. I just hung up. Okay?
All right. Well, yeah, you did the right thing milkman. This is how you see it's working. It's working
Everything's working as planned your audio is breaking up again again breaking up again, is it?
Cracky Stagney
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Cardiff
and again
beautiful signal now here
is it good that he's been
yep he's there he's actually
everybody sounds good guy here am I hear him can YOU HEAR ME ETHAN??
yep
yes sir I sound good
okay I heard him okay good alright we're there man we're all back
all right good
let's hear it for being back yeah
alright
let's
so
let's do some parkman numbers and we'll continue with the ethan less part 2
parkman
let's run off this hill and ha
we got jobs
Coffee Cherry Graders
Coffee Cherry Graders
Hey Ethan if you want to do a prank you holler it's all right you can take this one let me do this one this is interesting the next one is a little more we're gonna play some voicemails here that's an idea that's an idea that came from you guys at the meetup you guys were saying hey you should get a voicemail like Brad's got yeah fucking like that all right let's take a look here
405-396-6884
405-39-MOUTH
405-39-MOUTH
406-MOUTH
405-39-MOUTH
405-39-MOUTH
MadhouseLive.com
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The Muppet Movie The Nutty Professor Remake Scuba Diving Accident Ended His Career Has Died He Was 73
There you go, 73, Robby Knobby, who worked on The Muppet Movie, apparently, and The Nutty Professor. Wow.
Did you just play it?
Yeah, I did. Could you not hear it?
No, I heard nothing.
Really? Really? Can you hear music right now? Do you hear the jazz?
Nothing. Nothing.
You don't?
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Carlyle
We also got an obituary here.
You got to remind the callers that they need to wear headphones if they're listening to the audio if they bother to call in.
It does help out.
Or you get that same problem and your call will be disconnected by the operator.
It does help out to wear headphones.
Milkman's correct.
He is right there.
I'm going to play another obituary.
Unfortunately, you guys can't hear it, but here's one for Eric Wright, who I believe they're referring to Eazy-E.
Eric Wright, born September 7, 1963, died in Los Angeles on the 26th of March, 1995.
Eric Wright had seven children by six different women.
The announcement that the 31-year-old was suffering from fully developed AIDS was a brave admission for a man constricted by so much cultural confusion about the origins of the disease.
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I'm pretty sure Arthur Ashe was a gay. He wasn't a gay.
Maybe he was. I don't know.
I don't know.
I read an article today that Michael Jackson was castrated.
No shit.
Yeah. Well, I mean, a rumor, you know how it is, but they're saying that was why his voice was like that.
He was actually castrated.
I mean, that's something they used to do back in Roman times.
They would take the kids at Sandgood before they hit puberty.
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Canaca
Call Team 1
Hey Big Lady Im calling about the fucking job you have in a paper
uh sorry?
Im calling about the job you have in a paper
uh so now just the host and then the kitchen
I mean im calling about the job you tell me about it
ah ok
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Carlito Laugh Track
Matt Baz Milkman
Carlito Laugh Track
Matt Baz Milkman
Carlito Laugh Track
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Call Nation
TURNFERGUSON
The Facebooks
Calibri be careful
that there's a high percentage
of those people
get that
that burn out
to the alcohol
after that operation
dude
are you for real
really
look it up man
I wonder what that is
why does that lead
to alcoholism
that's something
you start drinking
your calories
shit
I guess because
that's probably people
that get like a
good afternoon
Cafe Florian
yeah how you doing
hello
yeah you got jobs
you got jobs
kitchen help
did you want to
come by and ask
for a job
god damn it woman
DUI T god will you joy
DUI T dui
DUI t dui
DUI t dui
DUI t dui
22
24
25
26
34
44
46
50
Waitresses come in, they're brought in to me, and I'm supposed to Well, I tell the women, you know, how they look, how they look. All right, cool. Did you guys hear the goddammit woman? What? Do what now? Did you hear, did you hear, tell me if you hear this. Did you hear the, did you, tell me if you hear this.
Goddammit woman
Do you hear goddammit woman?
Now I heard it
Good good good
Alright I think I figured it out
I think I figured it out
I thought I heard some horse masturbation going on there
Because I went quiet for a second
Did it really?
Do you hear Eazy-E now?
We were in our own room talking and you wasn't there
Sorry guys I'm trying
Now you're patched in
Do you hear music?
I don't hear any music
Nope
No
You should ask the expert Brad Carter
Yeah I guess
I think Brad Carter left a voicemail actually
Let's see what that was
It might be the fake Brad Carter
Unfortunately you guys can't hear it
Because I'm a fat piece of shit
That doesn't know how to work his shit right
How's Brad doing man?
He's doing bad
Hey Carlito it's Brad
Your BFF Brad
Welcome back to 30 days
Bye
Yay Brad said welcome back to Thursdays
And it's your friend
He said better friend than Milkman
He said Milkman
So what do you think about that?
Oh, thank you. I love your sentiment. I missed you too, Brad.
Oh, man. He didn't say that. He didn't say that much, but he said he was a friend.
A friend. It was just something you haven't even said tonight.
You've been a Romano this and a Romano that, but not once have you called me a friend.
Just saying. Think about it.
Brad's always been a friend. I thought he was my friend.
You, you have not been a friend.
Maybe he's mad at me.
You are not the friend. You are not being very friendly to me at all.
To you?
Yeah, you've been really mean to me.
Oh, honey, baby. I'm sorry. Come here. Let me give you a hug.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
um trying to fine tune the sound effects right so that they sound believable the first time we did it it was awesome but yeah it's fun yeah freaks the people
ah like okay okay the calls to that one town in tennessee or wherever i call i got you
rogers
fucking horse machine ranch i'm a lawyer from connecticut hey man i'm getting packets
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm here, I'm here.
Alright, so you're saying there's a sports rivalry kind of thing?
Yeah, traditional sports rivalry with rugby and whatnot.
Alright.
And are you the ones that have the rugby team where you're like,
Como je?
Yeah, you slap your thighs and all that?
Yeah, yeah, that's the old blokes. That's the traditional thing. Well, you guys don't all do that every little shorts
Where's little shorts and no pads most of the national teams the male teams will do that whatever sport it is
really even like basketball to go out there
Hey, are the female teams topless?
Just for you Moke man. Yes
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I think I'm back, man. I think I'm back.
Yeah, then I was like, he just has to take a shit and, you know, brought a bedpan on him.
He took this massive dump. We're calling for an accountant, Joe.
Hello? Oh, she hung up. She hung up because Milkman was talking.
I'm here. I'm calling someone. Hang on. You can chill.
Hello?
All right.
Hello?
Goddamn. Fucking Kimmy?
Milkman
Yeah, New Zealand, go ahead.
Hermano, can I take your call?
Sure, sure.
I've got a goat dairy herd assistant job.
What's your name?
I think that's your name.
You like goats?
Lucas.
Lucas.
Lucas was a movie.
Goat Dairy Herd Assistant
Call Nation Madhouse Live
bielesh
Gail
but
but
but
uh...
cesar
and
she
uh...
To operate the security cameras or what do I do?
It depends on the site. Some sites require you to do that, some require just patrols, some require you to stand on the street, for example, at the airport or do patrols at the airport. It really depends on the site you're a go-to.
Right. And I want to bring my own gun. Can I do that?
You cannot unless you become a police officer. It is two years of law enforcement
I'm experienced or at least two years in military police. Okay, honey
Are you a Kanaka? Sorry? I'm a Kanaka. Are you Kanaka?
It's like a keheka, but I cannot keheka, you know
Can you explain it? Oh
Yeah, yeah, let my buddy Carlito. He'll explain. Yeah. Hey, yeah, how you doing?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Disgusting who's gonna be signing the checks. What's in there? What's the name?
I do not have the name of the person that will be signing your check
Do you have someone who speaks English that we can talk to?
Actually have a you have nothing you have shit. You have shit motherfucker. You got someone who speaks English over there
Fucking idiot. What let me speak to the manager get a man on the phone
Yes, oh, how can I help you? Yeah, is this the manager?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I heard you got security work yes the guy before he was explaining that i'll be working in the
airport and i get to go in the bags and sniff the panties and look through the underwear
no that's not part of my job duties no that's what he was saying and it sounds amazing okay
are you currently on the big island right now pardon are you currently on the big island right
now yes what part of town do you live in goodbye uh goat machine ranch road i'm sorry goat machine
Gene Ranch
Okay, I'm not sure if you're being serious or not.
Yes.
Okay.
Are you not a local or something?
Have you completed the application?
Have I done?
Yes.
Have you already completed the application?
Correct.
Okay.
And what's your last name so I can look you up?
Kanaka.
And your first name?
Roger.
Okay.
I don't see any applications by that name.
When did you fill out the application?
Five minutes ago.
Okay.
Do you know what website you applied on?
It was on the Craigslist.
Okay.
That's where the site would have, the job would have been listed.
But what website did you actually complete the application?
Look, buddy, you're really dicking me around here.
Do I get to sniff the panties or not?
No, he's gone.
Oh, well.
Hey.
What are you doing, Milkman?
I kept him on for a minute.
The alarm's gone off for you to make your call.
Oh, you're boiling some tea?
All right, we'll call that shit.
We've got to call back at that number we called there first.
Let's see if they answer.
Sure.
Good call.
At the goat machine?
No, this is the guy who's like, I've got a meeting to go to.
I can't talk right now.
Madhouse Live
I don't know faggot Hey everybody I'm back I'm Carlito I'm the host of the show I think you
guys can hear me okay milkman are you here technical problems fixed for now
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Damn you
Fuck you a bitch motherfucker. I haven't heard that one in a while on this show. I'm okay
Yeah, right. I forgot about that guy. That was our first regular target 13 years ago, man
That that was the original
Sam the Donut Man, bro
All right, here is an aquarium looking for press 8 to report an animal in distress. Oh shit animal in distress
The Monterrey Bay Aquarium
Our offices are currently closed
The aquarium is open daily
From 10am to 5pm
If you have an animal in distress
Fuck yeah
Alright a sperm bank
Milkman you're a big fan of masturbation
Sperm bank right here
Milkman do you ever masturbate
Do you find it weird to masturbate with your CPAP mask on
Because I can't do it
I've tried it and I'm like I can't do this
And I take it off and I finish my business
And then I put the CPAP back on
Well I'm not saying it doesn't make it any better I just think it's weird
I can't jerk off of the seat what am I like oh fuck it Darth Vader
Well I mean I guess you could I mean I suppose you could
I mean I just figured it'd be in the way and it honors
Well I can't do it no thank you
Well if you're gonna play with it just take the mask off
Take the business down
6 a.m. to 6 p.m. I call the old lady time at 8 30 a.m. to 12 30 p.m. Thank you for calling the California cryo bank
Our office is now closed
Oh, man, but uh, you know park man said this place open till 9 man open till 9
That's the way to do your sperm though, man. You got a cryo freeze that shit, you know, make sure it lasts
Cryo freeze it power freeze it cryo cryo cryo cryo man cryo
I think that's so much fresh, dude. I don't really have to do it.
I probably just do it like a bunch of feeders.
They're just a keeper tap.
Hell yeah.
Weekend Maids. That's a good side hustle right there, Milkman.
You should think about that. Pick up a job as a maid.
As a maid?
Yeah, M-A-I-D. Milkmaid.
This number is not in service.
This call will be recorded by the Move for Quality Services.
This call's not in service? It'll be recorded?
I tried when we came back
it wasn't a
they're closed it says they're closed now
that guy was
yeah they closed
I think he was just trying to leave work
he said it's a meeting
you know how they are
those people
yeah he sounded pretty groovy
Sugarland
Sugarland
Explain that I formed a group of about 100 people to protest Sugarland's comments on ice and the Keep Families Together movement. Yeah.
Hi, is this the concert?
Yeah.
Oh, good. Nice. That's good. When does Sugarland make concert?
The Sugarland concert?
Yeah.
Madhouse Live
I'll give you pineapple no that's okay I'll give you oral oral I'll let you sit
on my face and fart and piss on it big fan I'm a big fan I'm seriously milkman
I'm seriously I'm a big fan seriously of the Sugarland hi my what sir
University ticket all audio is kind of low coming to me you're a lot louder in
Our offices are now closed. Please call during our normal business hours of 9 a.m. to 5.30.
Sat on these too long there, buddy.
All right. Let's see here. Carlito's Cafe and Cantina. Oh, boy.
Did the audio improve at all during that? Do you know?
I didn't hear anybody's voice.
Yeah, yeah.
Did you hear the sound effect, Elise?
Did you hear that?
Carlito Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hello can I make an order please sorry there's like first I'm sorry hello yeah can I make an order please yeah of course okay I'm sorry there's like curse uh we're gonna have fun with Madhouse again as long as soon as they get these
He hung up.
Milkman, I had you on hold.
I'm sorry, man.
I'm so sorry.
I'm doing it.
I'm a stupid fucking.
I'm a stupid fucking, man.
I'm hoping some of these motherfuckers are called back, too.
Milkman, do I got you still?
Good.
Okay, good.
I got you.
If anyone wants to call in, the voice line is still open.
405-396-6884.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The guys were saying they wanted you to come in, you know?
Greenbee's in, you know?
Yeah, they want you to come in there and be a chat.
It's a really nice application.
This is all news to me, so, like, you know, we got to talk about this afterwards, man.
I just want to say howdy, man.
Okay, well, cool.
Anybody else I know in there?
Uh, you know, the guy?
The guy that called in earlier?
No, I'm kidding.
Uh, let me see, let me see.
I got to get the list in front of me because I had it hidden.
Don't worry about it.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Bob Vance
Lysol
Fat Dumb Clay
Dust Bernadette
Dust Bernadette is not your friend
He's a bad person
He's very mean to you
He says the worst stuff about you
He's like I hate Milkman
Bring Matt Hillock
He's on team Matt
I'm alive now
He's on team Matt
Team Matt Hillock
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
My name is Cannon. What can I help you with today?
Are you computers?
Oh no, I'm a real person.
You sound like a computer.
I know, I get that all the time.
Oh yeah, why do you sound like that? You don't have any emotions?
Yeah, I don't have any emotions.
Were you emotionally abused as a child?
Come on, man! It wasn't that bad yet.
That was not that bad.
Thank you for calling in to the emotionally abused child line.
Hello? Caller.
Please be nice.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
representative representative representative fucking I hate these fucking computers
um this is a computer it's a representative representative how can I help you I like to
speak to a representative yeah I am a representative oh I'm sorry I thought you were computer no you're
fine how can I help you okay um do you get that a lot that you sound like a computer um no not
most of the time no no do you get it a lot when like the guy stands behind you and smells your
Call Nation Madhouse Live
We need to get you some voice training classes.
Thank you for calling 1-800-CONTACTS.
This call will be monitored and recorded for quality and...
Representative! Representative!
Fucking computers, man. Representative!
That's the guy. That's the emotionally abused guy.
I think they've got a total of two people maybe working there.
Let's see if someone else...
Hey, there's a caller. Hello?
Hello?
Hi.
Is this Carlito?
I'm Carlito. How can I help you?
It's Nico calling.
Nico. Oh, dude, this is Nico.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
and when he laughs it's awesome
the laugh track there
I actually got a question
for the milkman there
you mentioned that you had
died for a little bit there
did you have a near death experience
like was there anything weird that happened to you
well there was a real bright light
and I saw a dog
is that all you remember
I see God every day actually
no yeah we had a conversation
and he said I need to
he told me I need to lay off the pineapple
Apple Fritters
See, this is why we needed that point.
Yeah, you finally got a phone line hooked up to it, so that's cool.
Yeah, all right, cool. Well, don't be a stranger.
All right.
Okay, talk to you later. Bye.
Thanks for calling and asking, everybody. Thank you so much.
That's big Nico. Nico, yeah.
Yeah.
This is working out. I told you this was going to be a plot.
And I told you you had a lot of fans.
You didn't want to believe me.
I said, Milkman, you got a lot of fans, man. Don't die again.
I promise, man.
No one knows about me.
No one knows me.
Thank you for calling Bob Barker Company.
Bob Barker?
Our office is currently closed.
Of course it is.
Because we're calling Liberal California where they only work half the day because they're all in the unions.
Endless pools. Endless pools.
Thank you for calling.
Don't piss in that pool too soon.
Hello?
Hey, what's up Carlito?
Hi, I'm Carlito at Milkman. Please be nice. Hello. Milkman. Hey, who's calling in? This is Dom the Bomb. What's up? Oh shit, it's Dom the Bomb. Dom, I don't think Milkman's ever heard your pranks. Milkman, Dom does, he has a prank show and he's good people. You said John the Bomb? Dom, Dom, Dom as in Dominic the Donkey. Dom? Yeah. Dom, okay, Dom. Alright, happenin'.
Yeah, man, Dom.
It's good people, Dom.
I don't know everybody's names and voices, so I'm sorry.
I was off the planet for a little while, but I'm returning back to life.
See, and you thought people didn't know who you were, Milkman.
Yeah, Dom actually recorded our new podcast intro for us, and he did a show on the last Pranksgiving.
He took a segment.
Yeah, him and Strangelife.
Good group of eggs, man.
Good people.
Solid, baby.
All right.
Thank you, Carlito.
www.mixer.com
Madhouse Live
Go ahead, Dom. What do you want to tell Milkman's?
Because, you know, I'm from Northern California,
but I'm always out in San Francisco,
and I was wondering, hey, Milkman,
does your fucking van on the side of it say Milkman?
Because there's this Milkman truck that I see all the time,
every single time I go to San Francisco,
and it says Milkman on it.
So I'm like, dude, is that fucking Milkman?
And I'm like, yo.
You got to get a picture of that one, dude.
You got to get a picture of that one, man.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I mean, they had our houses on that property.
1-800-PETMEDS, America's largest pet pharmacy.
This call may be monitored or recorded for quality assurance purposes.
I'll tell you what, there were a few times I got to experience coffee from my grandfather's farm,
like picked, roasted the same day, and then the milk from the cow the same day.
Oh, my God.
Thank you for calling 1-800-PETMEDS.
My name is Annalise.
How may I assist you today?
Hey, what's your name, Annalise?
Annalise, mm-hmm.
Annalise, gotcha.
I have a dog, Homer.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
800 pet meds, America's largest pet pharmacy.
Milkman's working with me, I'm not cursing too much.
Okay, I got it, I got it.
I think before we piss in the well with urination, we got to get him going real good.
Thank you for choosing 1-800-PETMEDS.
This is Monica speaking.
How may I assist you?
Hi.
You see, I have a question.
So I live on a farm or a ranch, right, with my Uncle Cross and my Uncle Milkman.
And you see what happened?
So it was weird.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The Cat is Drinking from the Cow's Nipple
Yes
It went and got the kittens
It went and grabbed the kitty cats
Little kittens
And now all the little kittens
Like mine up and they all swat it
Oh no
Oh no
Yes
So they're not drinking the milk from the cat
They're drinking the milk from the cow
Yes
It's really weird
Here let me go ahead and get
Let me go ahead and put my uncle
My uncle Cross on
We're right here on Horse Machine Ranch Road
So here I'm going to go
I'm going to go ahead and put him
Call Nation Madhouse Live
5
the cows are crying
oh my god yeah yeah there's a gorilla
over here masturbating also yeah this
gorilla broke it and sort of
masturbating oh my god have you guys
contacted the vet in regards to this
because I'm not sure what what to say
tell her tell her the monkey smacked my
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
This one cow is like, we're going to have to put it down.
There's 20 cats on it just gnawing at its flesh right now.
We can't afford to amputate the nipple on there now.
We're going to have to try to stitch her back on.
1-800-PETMEDS.
Customer satisfaction is our top priority.
Our sales representatives are ready to place your order quickly and easily.
I was like, wait a minute, I got these sound effects.
Hang on.
The Time of Your Order with 1-800-PetMeds, you'll save time and money.
Please hold. Someone will be with you shortly.
We're starting to wind down on time here.
We'll give her a little bit while I prepare the next number.
1-800-PetMeds, customer satisfaction is our top priority.
I thought I was going to lose her the masturbating gorilla, but she stayed in there.
I know, dude. I was all over her now.
We'll beat any competitor's price at the time of your order.
With 1-800-PetMeds, you'll save time and money.
Is she fucking thinking what I'm doing?
I don't know.
Zoosk Online Dating.
I think I've seen them advertised on, you know, when I've been on my online dating.
My competitors.
You have any harmony?
I've got fucking Yahoo!
We'll beat any competitor's price at the time of your order.
With 1-800-PETMEDS, you'll be sold.
Someone will be waiting shortly.
Add me on to blackpeoplemeet.com.
Our normal business hours are seven days a week from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Pacific time.
I'll tell you what though man that Yahoo Personals back when I was like 19 20 years old
I used to
I was using that that fucking moco space
oh what was the did you ever use the hispanic one what was that called mi gente I don't know
if you ever used that I was too white to use
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
This is Trevor with the Customer Loyalty Team, and this is your joke of the day.
Why are cooks so cruel?
Because they beat the eggs and whip the cream.
What the fuck?
Okay.
Beat the eggs and whip the cream.
Thank you for calling.
My name is Lauren.
How can I help you?
What's your name, Laura?
Lauren.
Lauren?
Mm-hmm.
All right, I've got a SKU number there for you.
All right, what is that?
I don't know.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Don't be like that.
Come on.
We're a couple of homies.
You know what I'm saying?
Just be cool.
We're a group of light-minded men.
What's your Snapchat?
I don't have a Snapchat.
No?
What?
I'm going to talk about the clothing.
I'm going to go ahead and hang up.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
No, don't go.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We have a question.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
There's how many of you are there?
There's like five of you?
Yeah, we're all horny.
Okay.
We're just right.
She's gone.
Okay.
Big Matt Hillock
says that
he can hear us
In the meantime, if you'd like to hear the joke of the day, please press 5.
Thanks, and have a great day.
Matt.
Matt's not on. He's crazy.
Yeah, he's trying to message you.
Thank you for calling Zappos. This is Kathy speaking. How can I help you?
Hey, Big Kathy. Is that Kathy with a C or a K?
Kathy with a K. How about you?
I love it. I love names that start with K.
Okay, awesome. How about you? What's your name?
Akulo, A-C-U-L-O?
Oh, that's a unique name, Akulo. That's really cool.
All right. I got a SKU number for you here.
All right. Are we going shopping, or...?
Well, no, I'm going to have a SKU number for you to look up, and I have questions.
Okay, sure. What's that SKU number?
898-3027.
Okay, thank you. All right. Is that the Neil Barrett Techno Knit Pussy Boat Top?
Well, yeah. Can you say that again?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Call Nation Madhouse Live
What do you think of any of the formats?
Sounds fine to me.
It's weird when they're all your buddies.
It's kind of different and weird to listen a bit.
When they're all...
Okay.
Maybe it's because I don't do anything when I'm listening.
When I'm listening, I just want to listen, you know.
Okay.
Or beyond.
Whatever.
Anyways, it's terrible to hear this fucking shitty milkman back take my job.
This guy is no good, Nick.
I've been telling you for years.
Who said that?
I've just been saying it.
I'm just kidding.
I'm sorry I came back to my brother.
That whole thing's funny.
Like people arguing about us and shit.
It's hilarious.
I like it.
I appreciate you filling in for me, man.
But yeah, your audio sounds really good now.
Oh, thanks, Snakes.
Really?
Hey, everybody.
Why don't you milk them?
There you go, that's the milkman we all know and love.
This is going to be the last prank of the night.
Matt was Milkman on the Brad Takeover.
Thank you for calling your...
Yeah, he was.
...compliance.
All the information you provide...
...confidential.
...a madhouse before that.
To file a new report, please press 1.
I'd never heard of Madhouse.
To follow up on an existing report, please...
...any of this shit.
You have called NAVX Global, a company hired by your organization to gather information related to potential issues.
We will take 10 to 15 minutes to ask you a series of questions, then submit the information you provide to your organization so they can begin an investigation process if warranted.
All information you provide will be kept confidential.
Please hold for the next available communication specialist.
Do your calls need to be monitored for training, quality assurance?
Hello Kitty School
I'm following a new report
Let's go
I would say yes
P.S.
Please reach out to the store manager, supervisor, or franchise owner to address these concerns.
No, this is an ethics thing.
This is the instructions that are given for reports related to the HR concerns.
Well, what can you take then?
Whatever you can take a report for, I want you to take that report.
It's related to an HR matter.
It's not. It's not. I was wrong.
Shut up. I was incorrect. I'm sorry.
I was incorrect. It's not an HR matter. It's a different type of matter.
I need to explain it so you know.
What is your concern?
Papa John's Chairman John Schnatter has resigned after admitting he used the N-word in a role-playing call last May.
The pizza chain released a statement Wednesday night saying that it had accepted Schnatter's resignation.
Papa John's will appoint a new director soon, and Olivia Kirtley will act as the company's lead independent director in the interim period.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
13 more years
glad to hear you guys back Carlito
dope as fuck
hell yeah
alright Matt's gone Dom you're outta here on your ass
everyone tune in to Super Foam Brothers on MixLR
yay
yay thank you
nice talking to you for the first time Milkman
bye Carlito thanks for having me on see you guys later bye
alright Milkman you wanna take us
outta here you sexy little thing you
I guess so man it's like
wow we're still a little bit packety but man
hey look man I can't believe it didn't die
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Prank Calls
Madhouse Live
Is it? Is it better? Worse? No?
I don't know.
No, it's not. It's not changing.
I thought it would.
Oh, shit.
All right. Well, we're out of here, man.
We'll figure it out, man.
We'll figure it out.
All right, brother.
I'll catch you later.
I'll talk to you soon.
Talk to you.
I'll give you a call.
Okay, man. Give me a hit up, dude.
Let's straighten this out on the side, man, for next show, man.
All righty.
Have a good one.
All right, everybody.
Milkman's out here on his ass.
I'm out of here on my dick.
Catch you next week.
Next week, I said it.
That's right.
Next week.
DUNNOFILA
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