MadhouseLive

I Don’t Have a Disability

10 Aug 2018 · 3 h 25 min · 17,677 words · source

Calls (39, 1 h 53 min of 3 h 25 min)

  1. New Horse Membership podcast announcement ivr 13.3 min clip ↓
  2. Surfsafe Training and Certification class inquiry live 4.1 min clip ↓
  3. Bale for Personnel Services job inquiry live 48 s clip ↓
  4. McDonald's automated menu ivr 48 s clip ↓
  5. McDonald's kiosk and robot rant live 1.1 min clip ↓
  6. Farm helper job inquiry live 48 s clip ↓
  7. Village deli follow-up after accidental hang-up live 4.3 min clip ↓
  8. Pet Hotel asked about breeding live 1.1 min clip ↓
  9. Playback of expired numbers for Parkman live 1.3 min clip ↓
  10. Batting cage staff about balls and potatoes live 1.6 min clip ↓
  11. So Clean C-PAP machine service call live 2.1 min clip ↓
  12. Milkman's angry phone call live 1.1 min clip ↓
  13. Call Nation customer service dispute live 2.8 min clip ↓
  14. Soak's CPAP cleaner appointment complaint live 3.3 min clip ↓
  15. CPAP machine prank call with Dragon Man live 3.8 min clip ↓
  16. Gambling addiction hotline Beanie Babies call live 11.8 min clip ↓
  17. Problem gambling helpline seeking last chance live 2.1 min clip ↓
  18. Notary Association asked for name change live 2.3 min clip ↓
  19. Federal Bank car sale scam call live 2.6 min clip ↓
  20. Taddle vehicle junking inquiry live 1.8 min clip ↓
  21. Listener calls about Milkman voicemail 1.1 min clip ↓
  22. Indiana Indian Casino asked about biting live 6.3 min clip ↓
  23. Puerto Rican restaurant asked to play live 48 s clip ↓
  24. Security guy Joey called back live 33 s clip ↓
  25. Hotel guest furious about delayed pillows live 6.3 min clip ↓
  26. Hotel guest ranting about room chaos live 3.8 min clip ↓
  27. South Virginia Home Depot IVR menu ivr 2.6 min clip ↓
  28. Man Department prank call live 1.1 min clip ↓
  29. South Virginia Home Depot menu ivr 1.1 min clip ↓
  30. Chrysler Newport car sale inquiry live 48 s clip ↓
  31. Ray's Construction garbage disposal call live 33 s clip ↓
  32. KKK Athena protest voicemail ivr 1.1 min clip ↓
  33. The Dollar Store voicemail voicemail 33 s clip ↓
  34. Madhouse Live intro playback playback 33 s clip ↓
  35. Cheap moving labor for coffin live 3.8 min clip ↓
  36. Elevator maintenance prank call live 10.6 min clip ↓
  37. Facebook message follow-up voicemail 3.3 min clip ↓
  38. Listener Buster Casey calls in ivr 2.6 min clip ↓
  39. Matt discusses car oil with caller live 3.1 min clip ↓

Transcript

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito
That's my big amigo, so just kick back to listen to this cat call
People, when this show goes live, I'll be like, yeah, this shit's bitchin'
Stop whatever I'm doin' to tune in and listen
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Press 2. Door operator, press 0. Please wait.
Hold while your call is transferred.
This is a call to call.
Thank you for calling Target West. How may I help you?
Yeah, hi. I am trying to flush some things down the toilet here.
And there seems to be a lot of water around.
Sorry, it's very loud because I'm flushing the toilet. Are you there?
Yes. We'll have somebody over there in just a minute.
Alright, well, before you come here, I kind of locked the door from the inside.
Okay.
Alright, so what happened was, when you send someone back here, let me stop flushing the door.
There's water everywhere.
Alright, so what happened was that I kind of had like an accident in my car.
Like I had a bowel movement when I thought it was like a fart.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Do you have clothespins here?
Clothespins?
Yeah.
I'm not sure, but I could definitely ask.
All right.
Well, yeah, definitely whoever's coming in here, you need to get a package of clothespins
because it just smells really, it smells like a rotten egg sandwich in here right now.
So they're going to want to put that on their nose.
Okay.
All right.
And the last thing is, can you get me a cherry icing from the restaurant part?
I'm not sure if I could do that, but I'll definitely ask our security.
Okay.
Calls Madhouse Live
Calls Madhouse Live
I have a coupon for the PureSport. Do I give that to the security guard when he gets here?
Let me just inform him and then I'll let you know.
Should I wait to find out? Do you want me to talk to him?
Give me a second, please.
All right, let's go.
Hopefully it's a little better now. Not so much echo.
Well, Milkman, you in here in the toilet with me?
What's up?
I'm in the little boat. I'm in the little boat beside you.
Oh, nice.
Look down the toilet. I'm a little tiny boat.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The
Wife and I
Took an Uber in New York City
We took Ubers all over the city
We took one yellow taxi when we were there
Like a couple months ago
And fuck that taxi shit
Madhouse Live
I can't falling asleep and and I'm like sitting like okay I'm really tempted to jump out of the
car now on the Long Island Expressway here and and just walk to Penn Station Jesus Christ help
us I got a half-asleep uber driver here has been probably been driving for like three days straight
blasting NPR like blasting it on on on 11 oh my god what an experience but I'm saying yeah but I
I agree with you man they're overworked suicidal it's crazy out there man yeah yeah you're not suicidal right when it comes to driving you're far away buddy you're far away you're far away from the phone cool I said no no no I said I'm homicide I'm quite the opposite well this well this guy was homicidal too I'm here I said I'm homicidal I said I want to kill you that's not necessary you hear me yeah you want to kill me you're homicidal that's right I'm not I don't want you to die
All circuits are busy now. Please don't call again later.
We're going to go until 11 p.m. my time 11 p.m. Eastern Standard Time 8 p.m. Pacific tonight for an extra dosages for you since we missed last night our regular show and oh okay so look and it's this Friday night fuck it we know we get to drink you know right yeah we get to drink that's what KDK would say if he was here listen guys we got to talk business though all right so so so so so Milkman I don't think I've talked to you about this yet so two items to bring up number one last week I talked about
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
New Horse Membership
which is still the same one
with an air
well you're just going to get
exclusive access
to a separate podcast feed
that has a separate show
it's going to be a different
it's going to be a prank call show still
but it's going to be
recorded off air
won't be a live show
and it'll be me
more doing the stuff
with like you know
people on Skype
or off air
doing more hood ratty shit
I don't think Milkman
is going to be as involved
but you're always
gang banging
gang banging stuff
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
It's like, you know, I'm really Carlos, big surprise, but, I mean, to you all, I'm Carlito, respect me, I'm Carlito, I'm the originator of all this shit, I came up with all the ideas, all the ideas, except for Twitter complainers, Brad Carter invented them, I invented the Lunk Alarm, I invented saying machine all the time, I'm the motherfucker, I'm the nigger, as Jen Stewart would say.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
Prank Call Nation
Now it's back and I know people who are in it and they said hey it's time for you know if you want to come down and I'm thinking about doing it actually because I think it might help out the show so Milkman this would and I got to ask you because then I'm worried about you because you're busy you're busy night at work is Friday like you're putting yourself out in order to do a show with us tonight right like it's affecting you in the pocketbook
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
WJ show
Wednesday
Terrible night
Terrible night for that
Think about it
Think about it man
I'll give up on my dream
To be a stand up comedian
It's okay
Don't give up your dream
We'll do the show a day before
One day before that's all
We'll figure something out
Don't close your mind
Don't close your mind
Madhouse Live
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
Let Me Go Over To That List
From Mr. Parkman
We'll Start Out With Parkman's Numbers Tonight
I Think
We Got A Job For Training And Certifications
Yeah
Hi Surfsafe Training And Certification
I'm Looking To See
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
What restaurant do you work for?
And what firm?
What restaurant do you work for?
Oh, I don't yet.
That's what I'm saying.
I got diagnosed medically perverted.
I lost my job.
I used to work for Macaroni Grill.
You ever heard of that?
Yes.
You ever heard of Brinker?
Purity?
Yeah.
Yes.
Have you ever heard of Warr?
Okay.
International Food Machines?
All right.
What can I answer for you?
Let's go.
Come on.
You're starting to really, you know, get on my case here.
Are you looking to come to the class on August 26th?
Okay.
Well, what do I need to bring?
Well, what I need from you first is just your name and your email address.
Right.
And once I get that, I'll number the class information.
And a study guide attached.
The class is $175.
Oh, Jesus.
And...
God damn it.
How about a student loan?
What was that whistle?
That was not me.
That was you.
That wasn't me.
I don't whistle.
I can't.
Look.
I can't.
This is the best I can do.
That's the best I can do.
There's no student loans.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Ryan with an A to begin.
Ryan.
Okay.
Okay.
Last name, White.
Okay.
Okay.
And what's your email address?
It's my first name,
arian.white
at
triple k dot com.
Okay.
So you send me that shit,
all right?
Because I got a lot of shit
I got to do, motherfucker.
Sounds good.
All right.
Hurry up.
Whatever.
Stupid piece of shit
prank call.
Yeah.
No clapping.
Boy, I'll tell you what.
She was pretty compliant there.
She was going real good.
Call 966-884-405-3966
888-4
Alright, let's get back to the prank calls.
I gotta get to these early, says Parkman, because they'll close.
This is for a quality inspector job.
Time the number. Time the number.
I'll time your number.
Exploration.
Thank you for calling Bale for Personnel Services.
This is Christina. How may I help you?
Christina, you tell me where you're at.
Because you're telling me one thing now and you're telling me another thing last week.
Who am I talking to?
I'm talking about the job. Quality inspector.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I could put on the healthy I could put a salad on top of a greasy pizza it's still a fucking bad fucking meal for me so flaxseed isn't gonna just like a chili salad right is that is that is that healthier it is a chili salad instead of a chili correct me if I'm wrong on average as far as caloric intake is concerned I think a bagel is worse than a croissant and croissants are fucking fried in butter or something I don't know they're fried
Call Nation Madhouse Live
McDonald's customers, please press 2.
Hey, McDonald's, let's do a bar on here.
Yeah, we're going to complain about the Coke Zero and the Daily Dollar.
Hello?
To find a restaurant with free Wi-Fi, visit mcdwireless.com.
Can I help you with anything else today?
To tell us about...
Complaint. Complaint.
To tell us about...
Because your call is so important to us, it will be recorded for quality assurance.
In addition, if your call is regarding feedback about your recent experience at one of our restaurants,
the call recording may be shared with the McDonald's franchise owner or others responsible for restaurant operations.
Please hold, and I'll connect you to the next available agent.
I'm going to play the hold game, hang on.
We'll play the hold game and see if I can snipe it out of there.
While we wait, madhouselive.com is the main website for the show, madhouselive.com.
You can subscribe to the podcast, get all our tune-in links.
Again, oh, I didn't mention, but I did put on Facebook that.
We have that on-the-go number, the 605-475-0097.
That usually lets you call in and listen to the show live or to our rotation.
Call Nation Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
WastedMemory.com
BK Has Surge Now
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
McDonald's around us and they all fucking look all corporate and shitty inside did they put kiosks there you getting kiosks in there order kiosks oh yeah we got kiosks like that's gonna be a thing they're fucking all getting fired good fuck them right and you know what when they get the robots in the kitchen that's gonna be perfect I can't wait for the fucking robots all they're gonna need is one person do you ever have the fry robot we used to have a robot in town that used to cook the fries no robot arm uh-uh no fry bot and fry bot really they're they're
Madhouse Live
It's not just to think about how much spit and fucking boogers do I eat a year
that's not mine, that I had no idea I had.
Because I could be a cunt in the restaurant sometime.
It's not even on purpose.
It's just people that don't wear their hair nuts and shit,
and all their shit's getting in there.
Yeah, like how many Band-Aids have I eaten in my life I didn't even know about?
Oh, can of beans? Oh, no.
Hairs?
Yeah.
Food.
Anyway, and hairs aren't the problem.
If your hair falls in your food,
The
Wake
Up
Your
Call
Has
Been
Forwarded
To
An
Automated
Voice
Messaging
Striking
Out
With
The
Damaged
Hours
What's
Up
Who's
Everyone
Else
Are
The
Enemies
To
The
Crown
I
Don't
Want
To
Encroach
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I feel bad, I talk bad about lunch lately, but come on man, like, stop it, right?
Don't get mad at me because I'm trying to eat.
Hello, this is Blair.
Hi, you got a farm helper job?
Not anymore.
What happened?
Yeah, I got it built with a friend of a friend that, you know, real strong references to somebody who knew the guy.
That's not fair.
Why didn't you take it off the fucking Craigslist then?
So I'm not trying to get...
Oh, I need to do that.
That's the first time I've ever done anything on Craigslist.
I'll take it off, thank you.
You're pretty stupid, you know?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Madhouse Live
The Jewish Joe
Gentile
Burgers out of the belly so the caller
Copy Jim when it was deli. Yeah. Hey, I like to make an order. All right. Give me one second. Thanks, brother
My name is Orion. Oh Orion. Oh, okay. Oh, you sound like so I got a new neighbor. Oh, no
No, I will what can I get? You got burgers right? Pretty good burgers. Yes. I do. Yeah, I'll take one burger machine
What's your name again?
Orion
You want a hamburger machine?
Well, I mean, where I'm from, we call it like a sandwich
It's like a sandwich machine
Hamburger, hamburger machine
I guess out here, you just call it a hamburger sandwich?
Yes
Okay, I'm sorry, I'm honest
You want a quarter or a half?
A quarter or a half?
A half hamburger or a half pound?
You're saying half pound
Half pound
Yeah, because I want the whole burger
All right, well, just cheeseburger?
Yeah, and do I get to choose how I want it cooked?
Do you want to wait?
Do I get to choose how I want it cooked, or do you just do one way?
Yes.
All right.
Did you want to ask me?
Okay.
Hello?
Man, I was so close to asking for heat.
You know what I was going to do, Milkman.
You know how I do it.
I didn't even get cursed.
You didn't do anything?
I didn't even get cursed.
Oh, we lost him?
Yeah, he hung up.
Oh, it's just Matt's number.
That's what he wrote down.
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah, it's a wasted number.
Don't worry about it.
Hi, you've reached the village deli.
Oh man, now I'm in trouble.
I hung up on Milkman in an accident.
Now, you know, now I'm going to have to...
What happened? Why are you hanging up on me?
Why are you hanging up on me?
I don't know what happened. I was here.
Now no one picked up the phone.
No one hung up the phone.
Why are you hanging up the phone?
We are one hour into the Madhouse radio show.
One of, I planned four, at least three.
But if it ends up, you know, dragging, I'm going to cut it at three.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
No radio on.
I got Wi-Fi calling.
I'll hang up if anything's bad.
I just hear myself.
I just hear myself.
It's bad.
I just want to give you guys a shout-out.
I love you guys.
All right.
Thanks for the shout-out.
All right.
Thanks for the shout-out.
Try to call back.
All right.
I can hear myself.
I'm starting to really fuck my balls.
My fucking balls are swelling up.
My fucking balls are swelling up.
Now hung up on Milkman in an accident again.
Son of a bitch.
Nana from Dialer?
I mean, like a friend of Dialer's?
I don't know.
Dialer's cool people.
I really hope Tyler brings the pranks, but I was talking to him this week. Maybe a little bummed out like that
Come on, man
You're a funny dude like fucking Tyler shows when he needs to be driving around his car on his way to work
Doing prank calls and shit and he had his Android phone
Reading the chat back to him and all
Yeah, dude, I had I did it again. I'm a stupid. All right, it's
I'm sorry. I'm a stupid asshole
I got your back man. Thank you. Sorry. That's twice now everyone remember
Number 405-396-6884 is the number to dial if you'd like to be on the line.
I try to get you guys in as best as I can in between the calls.
We're going to call a place for horse boarding instead.
We're going to do some real funny shit.
You never answered my question, did you?
What you were saying?
Oh, OG Kush.
You should be familiar with that out there on the West Coast.
OG Kush.
OG Kush.
I got Cadillac Purple, man.
Yeah, yeah, man.
Diamond Turp Sauce.
Diamond Terpene Sauce.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
You know what that reminds me of, and I've mentioned this before, Milkman, I'm a big fan of these movies.
Are you a fan of the Police Academy series, brother?
Oh, dude, I love the first few were the best, dude.
That's like the first two or three.
Five and six, I think, were great, too.
But, dude, the first couple of them were great.
One was the Hightower, and what was the big bit?
What was the one with the woman, the blonde-haired woman?
An old bunch of them.
Callahan.
They were great.
Yeah.
Yeah, Callahan, yeah, an old bunch of them.
They were a fucking good show.
What I'm getting at is Hooks.
You remember Hooks?
She was the black lady.
She was like,
Remember that?
That's what that voice feels like.
You remember?
Every movie, Hooks was always like,
Until the very end of the movie.
Until the very end.
And she'd have the gun and be like,
Freeze, motherfucker!
Dirtbag!
She always, freeze, dirtbag!
She always saved everyone at the end with that dirtbag.
She saved her energy the entire movie for,
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
We Need To Dispatch Everything
Hello
Okay, that'll be a fun voicemail for her.
So no horse boarding.
I had good plans for that.
I had good, big plans for that, I should say.
We got a pet hotel on set.
Pet hotel, motherfucker.
Pet hotel.
So Milkman, really, you're taking away my dream of being a stand-up comedian, man.
Do it.
Do it.
Go ahead and do it brother
I'm not telling you not to
But I want to do the show
I want to do the show too
Do the show dude
If I can
I don't want to do the show without Milkman
Hi Hooks
I'm calling about the Pet Hotel
Hello
Yeah, hi
Pet Hotel
You're breaking up
I couldn't hear you
What was that?
Pet Hotel
Pet Hotel
Yes, this is the Pet Hotel
How can I help you?
Yeah, I
Just, you know
Looking to
To come in
You know
What were you looking for?
I'm looking to film some animals breeding.
We don't do breeding here.
But, you know, every once in a while they sneak it in.
Or do you have a strict spay-neuter policy there?
No, we don't really require your animal to be spayed or neutered.
Oh, so they're getting it in left and right.
You can't keep a hold of them, you know, keep an eye on them the whole time?
No, but we do keep track of who is spayed and who isn't.
And you segregate them that way?
No, it's just we usually tend to like separate the females with the males and you know when there's we just keep track of we have it on record of who is fixed and who isn't.
Yeah, but what if you have a bitch in heat?
Then we keep her isolated.
Because I was dealing with this one bitch that we had this she was a bitch and she was in heat and she was, you know, arousing my dog Akulo and my other dog Homer.
Madhouse Radio
Call Nation Madhouse Live
53966884
I promise I will answer
Five Below
I'm calling Five Below
Five Below is the place that we found
What about those expired numbers of
Say what?
Expired numbers for Parkman
Expired numbers for Parkman?
I'm calling Parkman
I thought you said they ran out of time
I already went through those
We're still good
I'm looking at 831s right now
Alright, alright
Just keep me on track, brother
He's gonna answer?
I'll give it a few more rings a turn around I give up I can get my we got a
voicemail someone left someone left the voicemail plate behind that sound drop
you play go something like a just got call these young blood lords Black
Panthers out there can bring a gun for everybody in the yard what's that from
Prank Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
My Dark, Beautiful, Twisted Fantasy
You've heard of my name, Drake?
I don't know, is that any good? I haven't heard of him.
It's a good band, you should check out that band, Drake.
Yeah, they're a good band, man.
Yeah, you'll like them, you'll like them, sure, sure.
He's a rapper from Toronto, if I'm correct, from Canada.
He's Canadian, black, he's a black Canadian.
A lot of people think that Lil Wayne is the best rapper alive.
I don't think so, but he's talented.
He's from New Orleans, I believe.
I've got this perspective from some young kids.
I'm just asking.
It's very mainstream.
That was who they said were great.
They're all right.
It's just mainstream shit.
You know what I mean?
It's not what I...
I like the old school shit and the more underground shit that's out now.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
From the people
from the bad people
uh
yeah
uh
battling
catch
bat
batting
battling
batting cage
censor
and they answered
last friday
at 830
holy shit
what you gonna tell
them
uh
it's going way
too fast
i want the
balls to hit me
i want the
balls to hit me
in the bowl
i want to
boil potatoes
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
We are
Stupid
My cage is under relocation
But starting next week
Here we go
We'll be using another cage
That we can rent time out of
Oh yeah
What kind of balls you can put in there?
Well
We
I'll be able to throw batting practice
I don't know if the machine will be usable just yet
I have to negotiate that out with them
Well
I'm planning on boiling a crate of potatoes
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
The So Clean C-PAP
C-PAP Machine
Milkman has a C-PAP Machine
Those are nice as fuck dude
I put my dick in it
I got a new one
It's a Philips Sonicare
That's a toothbrush print
It's a Philips
You get to eat it right like I told you
It's a Philips
What is it called Milkman
The PlayStation
The PlayStation
The PlayStation
Something Station
Dream Station
That's what it is
PlayStation
Yeah
It's got memory foam mask man
It's got wifi and bluetooth
Yeah
I turned it on and people were trying to hack it
No they weren't
No one would do that
Who wants to know how Carlito sleeps
I bought it and it gave me pimples
Which one?
The one you said the guy got on Amazon
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I have a CPAP machine, right?
Uh, no. I got, I have to have one now.
Okay, well, you call up the place in order to clean it.
This is to clean the CPAP? Yeah, I know. Yeah, I need to get mine serviced.
You need to get it cleaned?
Serviced.
You don't service CPAP machines?
Service the tubing, make it go, make it all nice and clean and sparkly, you know, cleaning, service.
So you want to purchase the CPAP machine?
Yes, ma'am.
Tell me what you're trying to purchase.
I'm trying to purchase the machine the PAP machine machine to make me breathe
at night so I don't die okay yeah this isn't it you need to order this this
this is the cleaner cleaning we don't have to keep that machine clean here
you're clean we don't have to keep that machine no ma'am I need to ask you a
question though how do you clean the machine you just put your mask you don't
have to clean this machine it's all oxygen you clean it man clean it with you
I'm sorry I played a loud fart and I ruined it man
I'm sorry
I got to let you go Ian
because I have an emergency here
thanks for being on brother man
we'll catch you next week
good call I'm sorry I ruined it man
that's my bad
see you
milkman if I don't pee
it's going to be bad
it's going to be real bad
get your drug and hurry
play my song do that stuff
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm not gonna say anything else to you if you're gonna scare me.
You're like just scaring me.
No.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
No I didn't.
Shut up.
I'm masturbating right now.
No no no.
It feels good.
Keep talking.
You're so hot when you're angry.
You know?
I think I told you that earlier.
You're really hot when you're angry.
Honey.
Baby.
Call me baby
No I'm not
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
You sound like a valley girl
Like totally stuck up
You scare me and make me sick
I was just kidding
I am
I am living in the valley
I was born in LA
Like Hollywood though
Like Hollywood proper
Oh my god
And i know a lot of Mexicans and shit
Asians
And black people too
Even fully white
Alright alright
We're back
Carlito Milkman
I did not wash my hands
As you all can probably tell
Because
I came back so fast
That was a little one there.
Yeah, that was.
That was Michel.
We'll ride along back to the Parkman numbers.
You can take that line, 405-396-6884.
That's 405-396-6884.
I saw Dialer talking that he wanted to be on.
Dialer, yeah, you can be on.
You can call the line and be on.
Dialer, hit me up on Facebook if it's really you.
Give me a number I can call you at.
I'll get you right through.
You don't have to worry about the plebeians.
Getting in your way. Hello. Thank you for calling. All calls are recorded for quality assurance. You don't have to get you don't have to sit there and wait through the dirty fucking listeners of the show. Thank you for choosing so clean. My name is Debbie so that I can better serve you. May I ask who I'm speaking with? My name is Orion. Okay. And how do you spell that? Ryan with an A at the beginning. A R Y A N. Oh, okay. And how are you doing today? I'm not getting good sleep because
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I think that you need to stop being so rude, or I am going to hang up, because I don't need this, okay?
Well, I'm not saying a bad thing about your disability. I'm saying it's good.
I do not have a disability, and I don't appreciate you doing that.
Right, right, right. Okay. Sure.
I can get you over to customer service if you would like.
Are they there? I don't want to be leaving voicemails. This isn't a voicemail show.
Again, this is the order line. It is not customer service. I can transfer you over to them if you would like.
All right. There's a disabled woman answering. She's going to transfer me. Go ahead. Thank you, honey. Do you know how to do it? Do you know the buttons to push? She's just hung up. She did not like being said that she has a disability, Milkman. And that can be taken so many ways, right, sir?
Milkman, where are you? You're quiet. Don't make me angry. Yeah, we lost her, buddy.
Thank you for calling Soak's First and Only Automated CPAP Cleaner and Sanitizer.
A representative will be with you shortly.
Thank you for choosing Soak Clean. My name is Tina. I'll be helping you.
Oh, not you.
How old are you?
51.
Oh, okay.
Well, I've never had anybody say that to me.
Yeah, but I know you don't know things well because you're a disability.
Why am I a disability? I don't have a disability.
You're 51. You're a woman.
Why is and your point?
You're an old woman. That's your disability. You know what? You're a jackass. Bye. You're dirty. Also, geez
Okay, honey, baby
To ensure quality service recorded
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I can't transfer you, but I can message you to call her back.
I mean, I can send her a message to call you back.
Why?
We don't have that option.
Do you have a button that says transfer?
We don't have that option, sir.
Shit.
Man, I fucked your dick, man.
All right, I guess I can deal with you.
Hello?
Yeah, despite your disability, I guess I can work with you.
All right, so I was supposed to have someone come here to clean the CPAP machine.
Your people, again, for the third day straight, missed an appointment.
and didn't send the people the team over to clean the CPAP machine
there's a lot of scaling on it it smells like mildew
I was promised that you were gonna come here you're gonna check all the fluids
you're gonna clean all the glass on the CPAP machine you're gonna install a new
fuel filter in it
I had a whole bunch of things that I wanted to get the tires balanced on it
also
and no one came you might have the wrong number CPAP SoClean CPAP
SoClean is a machine we are not a bunch of CPAP cleaners
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I want another lady. I want another woman. Another woman. Milkman. Milkwoman. I'll take a milkwoman.
We have a caller. We have an enemy hostile caller. Hello, enemy hostile caller. I'm Carlito. Go ahead.
Oh, shit. Did I get you? Hello?
Yes, hello.
Hi, this is Dragon Man. I'm not hostile.
Oh, good. Thanks for being a friend. How you doing, Dragon Man?
Dragon Man.
How you doing, Dave?
Prank Calls About CPAP Machines
Dragon Mirror
Dragon Murr
Dragon Murr
Dragon Murr
Dragon Murr
Hey, what's up, Milkman?
It's good to talk to you.
Hey, brother.
You see, Milkman, I told you everyone knows you and fucking loves your ass.
They love you more than they love me.
You're like, no one likes me or not.
No one knows me anymore.
Everybody loves you.
They just know Dwight.
They just know Dwight.
The world's first and only automated CPAP mirror and sanitizer.
I love you, Carlito. Everybody loves you, brother. You're the man.
You want to do the call or you want to just chill? You tell me now, Dragomir. Let's go.
I can try.
All right, CPAP machine. I know you got one of them, you old man.
It's late. You're tired. And you just want to go to sleep.
But you haven't cleaned your CPAP equipment in days. Maybe even weeks.
Once again, you go to sleep.
Man, I clean my CPAP thing in the fucking dishwasher once a week.
You're not going to get a good night's sleep.
And then I fill up the hose with some Listerine and I shake it up.
That's how I clean my shit.
I think I'm going to buy a separate machine to clean the machine.
Oh, good. It's so good.
I do the dishwasher.
Dishwasher? Really?
Yeah, but it does the best in a spin-type blender washing machine.
You've got to put it on heavy, on heavy soil.
Oh, I meant to say dishwasher, not...
I meant to say dishwasher. I'm Puerto Rican.
Oh, come on. Never have old times here? That's not acceptable.
You just like CPAP machines here for you.
Putting marijuana in your CPAP machine.
Like, oh, yeah, man, this really gets you.
You get alpha waves.
Lucid dreams, man.
I got some marijuana in my CPAP. I got Lucid Dreaming.
What's that?
You ever have...
Milkman, do you tell me... Hang on, let's put that on hold.
Milkman, were you ever successful in Lucid Dreaming?
You tried to get me into the Lucid Dreaming fad.
Yeah, man. I've done it many times.
So what do you do?
Like you know you're dreaming and you're in control of what you're dreaming?
Yeah.
Can you make like everyone take their pants off?
Yeah, you know you're dreaming and then the shit like...
Hello?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't like even thinking of that shit too much anymore, sir.
I don't know.
I haven't had one in a long time.
I got recording of Milkman's lucid dreaming.
The last time I did was with the melatonin.
Ah, yeah.
That melatonin, man, that'll get you.
You got to be careful.
You can't take that for too long.
Yeah, lucid dreaming here on the mouth tonight we're talking about.
Oh, shit, we have a caller on the line.
Dragon Murr.
All right.
Yeah, I'm still here.
I've done some lucid dreaming myself.
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We got we got we got well the five below didn't answer earlier. I thought there was a helpline here
Gambling addiction hotline. Here we go. The gamblers addiction hotline. Let's do it
This is a concept I came up with I call him like sex addicts anonymous and all the addiction hotlines
The overeaters one was really funny
I sat on that idea for a long time and I debuted it on one of Dwight McClanahan's shows on
2016 and that was that was a lot of fun
I saw a billboard for this the other day.
Do you want to be a gambling addict there, Dragon Mirror?
I could take it. You tell me.
Oh, man.
I could get a shot.
All right, let's go.
This is Gambling Helpline. How can I help you today?
I just need someone to talk to.
Okay, sure.
I'm not having a good week.
I'm not having a good week.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell the wife.
Sorry to hear about that. Did it just happen today?
Well, actually, the thing is, it was, you know, eBay, electronic ball, you know what that is?
Sorry, the connection is not too good. Can you say that again?
I made a purchase on eBay that was supposed to be a good investment, but it turned out to be poor.
Yeah, and you are feeling really depressed right now.
I got I got like a thousand beat I got like a thousand bean babies here and I don't know what
the fuck to do with them I'm sorry this guy told me he said he said get these he said get this it's
a first edition bongo it's got the um it's got the original tag in the protector he said that's
only gonna get he said it's gonna be worth like five times five times what I pay and now I got
them and I'm trying to I'm trying to move them and they're not they're not worth anything man
for the past two weeks and even right now do you have any thoughts of harming yourself
I'm about to rip up these fucking Beanie Babies though. This guy being Bondo. He said he's worth a thousand. He's not worth fucking ten dollars.
Okay. You are feeling really depressed and hopeless right now. I'm glad that you will make the call and reach out to us and see so that we can talk a little bit about how I can offer help to you today.
Do you know anything about Beanie Babies?
I can't help you with that.
You can't help me with the Beanie Babies. I got the Princess Diana one.
I just need someone to buy it, man. I got them all. I just don't want them.
Well, maybe you can figure out some other ways to try to sell them.
I will say, since you buy it from the Internet, I guess you are really good on the Internet, too.
Maybe you can Google out some and come up with a strategy to help you to sell the Beanie Babies.
Do you need any? Do you need any Beanie Babies?
It will really help me, man.
I took like 300 from my wife, and she didn't know.
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Get in touch with you. I want to send you a picture of this. You know, I want to send you a picture of this being baby
It's a one-of-a-kind. Okay
Yeah, I will encourage you to speaking with your wife first about that
Um shit, I guess no, no, no, I can't let her know so she'll hit me
She's I got the game been telling that she's got a drinking problem and she finds out about this
She's level to hit the bottle and then get to hit me and I I can't have that man. I got all these babies
I don't need a black eye. Listen, just give me a snapchat. I'm gonna send you a picture of this princess Diana limited edition
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Ma'am, ma'am, you there? Hi. Are you listening still? Hi, listen, I'm his uncle, and can you pick a number between 1 and 10?
No, I cannot do that. This is out of the scope of my service.
No, just pick a number between 1 and 10.
No, I can't do that.
What time is it? What time is it? What time is it?
Depends on where you are.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
How old is she?
Jesus Christ.
How many eyes do you have?
One or two?
If you are, um, so please do call us back if you have any concern related to problem gambling and we will be happy to assist you with that.
Uh, how many buttons do you have to push to hang up?
Thank you.
How many buttons do you push to hang up?
Try to get us a wager. I think she's like, normally she would, but she's like, um, no, I'm not going to enable you.
I guess they must be told not to give any numbers.
No, no, because she knows. Hang on, hang on. I got an idea.
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Madhouse Live
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Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Shush!
Yeah, if you want to call, don't, uh...
You know what I'm trying to say?
Don't call now because you're gonna get, it's gonna be a short call cause we're taking a break at the top of the hour, motherfucker.
It's best to just chill out.
I think she heard me talking!
I did it again Milkman, sorry.
I think, I think that lady heard me talk.
I'm Lieutenant Hooks.
I'm calling from the casino.
Problem gambling.
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Madhouse Prank Call Radio
Play Madhouse Prank Call Radio
All these options are at madhouselive.com
So get your ass over there, motherfucker yous
All right, so how about we just take the break now, Milkman
So we get a good, nice, beefy two hours
You know what I mean, brother man?
All right, man
I think yeah, we're off to a good start at saying thank you.
I don't know, we'll do another call.
We'll do a real quick call, real quick call, real quick call.
All right.
Let's try another casino machine.
You have seen Problem Gambling Helpline.
This line is for gamblers and concerned others struggling with a gambling addiction.
I think every state has a gambling helpline.
I would say there's not very many operators at Des Moines Hotline Center.
Problem gambling helpline, this is James, how can I help you?
Hey James, I need help, brother. I'm here at the casino right now, and I'm relapsing, I'm having a really hard time, and I'm in the hole right now, I'm behind, and I need to either hit really big right now and come out of this or my wife's going to kill me.
She's probably going to kill you then.
what do I do they gave me this they gave me this card they say call
this card that the bouncer guy in the suit came to me he said call this line
to get help already talked about podcast like this
he said he had a response they had a responsibility to give this information
now if they saw that I was a problem gamer everything you know then all right
is that all you're here for just to tell me to leave the casino not
for any other help we don't want the hope you're out the casino you're
I'm trying to not to I'm trying I can't you know like I either I got one last chance at this you know
at making other basically a double or nothing if I lose all this that's it it's over though I'm
gonna lose the wife the kids everything well and they hear the the sound like all the all the cool
sounds and stuff and like there's no more people who want to stop so I do I'm just looking for a
I am I am serious I can use all right if all right if can you give me like a
number between one and eight let you go okay just give me a number through one
day give me a sign man yeah give me a
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Apple
We got tons of shit Milkman
Milkman's gonna be here
He's gonna be taking your call
He's gonna be playing some voicemails
We're gonna have a special announcement here
About the new prank war that we're starting
Yeah! Let's do it man!
We're going to war!
We're going to war motherfucker, yeah
We'll be right back in about
8, 9, 10 minutes
Be right back
Milkman, behave yourself
Prank Call Nation
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Radio
Madhouse Radio
will be back
right after this
you know what
I hope
that when you die
they put your GPS
in your box
and a trapdoor
at the bottom
so when you die
you open a trapdoor
at the bottom
you check the GPS
and you go
straight down
to the hell
Madhouse Radio
is back
you are bigger
than a woman
you are better
than a woman
We'll always be behind you.
Do not let a woman, ever, ever, make you who you are.
Madhouse Radio Carlito's back taking big shits all over the fucking competition.
Amateur prank callers cannot touch this.
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I'm okay, man.
All right.
I had myself some crab rangoon, and I started reloading the pipe, and I forgot to finish that job because I was stupid.
Oh, okay.
Well, at least you got a hit anyway.
Uh-huh.
All right.
Another prank call.
Call the Notary Association machine.
Thank you for holding.
Your call is very important to us. To help us better assist you, please have any relevant documentation or information ready. A notary expert will be with you shortly.
Good evening. Thank you for calling the Notary Hotline. My name is Adrienne. May I please get your member number or the spelling of your last name?
What's your name?
First name?
Aryan
Oh, okay. Just Ryan with an A in front of it, okay.
Yeah, we're both very good.
Very good. Despite your disability, you did pretty good there.
I know, right?
And what state do you live in?
I live in Horse.
What state is that?
Horse. Michigan. Horse, Michigan.
Okay. Thank you.
Good for you.
All right.
I don't have an account for you, Mr. White.
Yeah, I recently transitioned.
Okay.
Orion.
Just looking at all the A-Whites in the state of Michigan, and there's not even anything close.
Did you have another name before?
Nothing else you've used?
I mean, yeah.
Yeah, I did.
Okay.
What was your other name?
Private.
P-R-I-V-E.
Orion Private?
Yes.
Nope, still nothing.
Try Labia.
L-A-B-I-A
For the last name?
Yeah
L-A-B-I-A
Nope, nothing
Um, customer service, which is our business office, has closed for the day
Of course they have
Otherwise you could give them a call on Monday
Because every time I try to get them to do something, they go, we're business hours, you know
You gotta pay 20 fucking dollars, you know
Do you have a notary stamp yourself?
Yeah
Alright, why don't you shove it up your ass
Alright, yeah, you're right
Listen, what does that mean? You have bad audio, Milkman?
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
yeah okay best thing is don't cut them out until after you get the money
then you curse them out well then you just take thanks for calling shit on all the cars
fastest easiest way to sell your car if the year of your vehicle is 2000 or newer press one if the
year of your vehicle is 1999 we will now get your call to the right place this call is recorded to
ensure an awesome experience it was not bank of america it's it's a bank that actually doesn't
exist anymore public's bank it's back thank you for calling federal my name is jeff
Hey, man, you're making them up. Hello. Yes, sir. Yeah, I have a 2017 Honda Ridgeline. Okay. Hold on. Hurry up
2017 Honda
Ridgeline machine you have the tree machine machine. Yes. Do you have the trim or the?
Submodel of the vehicle if it's a black the black or black black black edition
Yep, the black edition yet with the leather seats
Carlito Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Do you understand what I'm saying? They're going to take the car away.
You got to take it before the wife gets it. You know what I mean?
The judge ordered. There's a judge order. Is that a problem?
I could spoon feed this motherfucker. God damn it.
Like how dense are you, man?
What was your name again, Jose?
Jeff.
Okay, well, what's going on?
Yes, sir. We need to ask every details of the question of the every every details of the vehicle.
Really pissing me off, man.
You're really bringing me down and pissing me off.
So, is it okay, sir, to ask every question regarding the vehicle condition?
Well, I mean, is there someone without your disability?
I mean, I think it's very brave that you have a disability and that you're trying your job, and I understand that.
But is there someone else that I could talk to? Hello?
No, sir. You can try calling us back again, so maybe other agents will answer your call.
I think so, because, you know, it sounds like I'm talking to, like, you know, Speedy Gonzalez's cousin, Slowpoke?
Okay, sir.
All right. All right. Let's just end this here. All right. Bye.
I'm trying good ideas.
I'm trying shit.
It's like KDK said,
when you're so good that you invent every idea.
Look, KDK said that once.
KDK said that he was so good that he had to sell your car.
If the year of your vehicle is 2000 or newer,
you will now get your call to the right place.
These people are just triaging and taking info.
This ain't gonna work.
I'll give it one more shot there.
Parkmans
They might be so desperate for a job, but they're actually being nice.
Thank you very much for calling Taddle.
May I have the year make a model of your vehicle?
Aw, man, not you again.
Is this Jose?
No, sir.
Oh.
Okay.
You sound like a Jose.
I have a 2010 Honda Ridgeline.
I don't think there was a Ridgeline in 2010.
Shit.
2017.
You know what, I'm just not feeling this.
I don't feel right about this, sir.
You okay?
Okay.
It's not my car.
I'm trying to get you guys to junk the car.
My Wife's Car
We have a car that we need to have junked.
Yeah, I took the tires off.
We're going to sell the tires separate.
Yes, sir.
Can you please give the vehicle identification number or the VIN so we can get the correct
make and model of the vehicle?
The identification number is blue.
They're removed.
Okay, sorry.
I have to disconnect the call since I didn't receive any proper responses from you guys.
Oh, come on.
Come on, man.
Don't do this.
Don't do this.
Please.
Okay, sir.
Thank you very much for calling Pedal.
All right.
Bye.
I don't like that number I don't like those guys I don't like that number what's up what's
up big Dwight you doing a show tomorrow you got a plan oh yeah yeah yeah yeah good good it's good
to hear good to hear good to hear good to hear yeah I just got back from the gym machine and
washing my ass in the shower oh just the ass yeah did you uh use did let me ask you I'm from
the corporate office did you use the showers facilities no I ride home stinky and smelly
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I have incoming caller ID turned off.
I'd like to see what line people are calling from.
I've been pranking people on Facebook lately,
and for some reason my caller ID, which I don't have turned on,
shows I'm calling from Mexico.
From Mexico?
Yeah.
People are like, why is Mexico calling me?
Is this via Skype?
Yeah.
My caller ID shut off.
Yeah, I don't know what to tell you, man.
I don't know.
I don't know why they would go with Mexico of all places Skype.
Milkman, hang on there, Mr. Dwight.
I've got to play some voicemails here, Milkman.
Usually there are messages here for you. So we're going to go back in time. What was last week? Because I missed a whole shit ton of them last week. Was that the second or last show that we missed? I think so, right? Let's see. Here's one. A very rude one.
Carlito. Sexual organs. Pussy flaps. Piss flaps. I'll call you later, you motherfucker.
I would like to help you with any tech problems you may have.
Okay, alright. Thanks for helping us, I guess. Let's see what this is. Not available. What's this say here?
Sounds like Matt.
Sound like Matt to me. Not available. If the transcripts are not available, I am playing it, guys.
Hey, I was just calling to say that I'm glad you're doing podcasts again. I love the show.
A character that I'd like to see come back is Eddie Garcia. I love that character.
Anyway, thanks for coming back. Bye.
Eddie Garcia, yo. What's this?
Jager
Eddie Garcia
Jack Matherson
Jack Valente
Nigger
I want to talk to the owner of the company
right now
Real nigga shit
Real nigga shit
Real nigga shit
Alright, thank you for that
Hello Front Reception, this is UK Godfather. I have some numbers for you. Look at your chat, Carlito.
Hey, how's it going guys? I just really want to thank you for taking the time to make prank calls.
Bro, are you masturbating leaving me this?
I listen to you guys pretty much everywhere I go.
To the grocery store.
I'm fucking jerking off right now.
I don't fucking want you.
He's calling from the bathroom, dude.
He's on a bathroom call.
Huh?
I'm trying to find the one, uh,
the guy that reads the obituaries.
He read one for Big L and I can't find it.
Damn it.
Damn it, Carlito.
This is old head Nick.
You know me, I'm Milkman's grandpa.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Great show, always funny, except that Milkman guy.
Ah, yeah.
I think you should get rid of the Milkman.
Ah, burn.
All right.
See you later, Milkman.
All right.
Vote for me.
He's really boring.
He's not funny.
He seems like he's drunk all the time.
I don't know, maybe he is.
Yeah.
He's hot.
Otherwise, great show.
There you go.
All right, so one vote for no more Milkman.
All right, Milkman.
All right, man.
Yeah.
All right, well, thanks a lot, everybody.
Everybody called in.
Aw, come on.
These are tonight's voicemails here I'm playing.
Let's get through these so everyone gets a chance to be heard at least.
So, yeah, guys, if I miss your call, I'm sorry.
Like I said, a lot of calls come in.
Did they even lose their name or did we have a name or a caller ID for that caller?
I do, but I don't want to give that out.
Well, I mean, I can know.
You want me to do a talk shit too?
Okay, maybe he'll call back.
Milkman on the balls on the ball trip now. Holy shit. All right, so look
If you haven't showed but getting through a leaf just one voicemail, but at least I can get to play a little bit, you know
Here's a here's a longer one
Dwight you still there? Please hang on
Let's see
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
and
and
and
and
and
and
and
and
and
And
And
You have reached
problem gambling
helpline
I don't know
if they have
any casinos
in Indiana
Is Mike Pence
from Indiana
is that where
he's from
Yeah
that's where
they had
the KKK
is from
too
They just
hung up on me
Was Indiana
Indiana Union State
Next Door to Illinois
This is Indiana Gambling Helpline
How can I help you?
I'm at the casino right now
I'm trying to see if I can get someone to help me realize that this is a really bad idea
What I'm about to do
Are you in front of a machine right now?
I had to walk away because the machines they're so it's like sexually you know
like they have lots of lights and sounds and then they have a machine that it's
called the Playboy machine the Playboy casino and it has like women with like
big breasts on it and bunny tails and it's like you put in a quarter and you
pull the handle and then like the things the things spin I've been here for
I mean that it's hard to tell because there's no clocks in here
But I want to say probably about 23 hours. I took out several cash advances echo stop
I took out several cash advances already
So there's a there's a man here. My name is Acevedo. There's a man here who said that I can
Like, you know perform sexual act on him and he'll give me some more money to try to come out of the hole
I'm not sure if I understand what you mean.
Well, are you thinking about continuing to gamble?
Do you want to go to the bathroom with me or are you going to do it right here?
I'm talking to my wife real quick to see if it's okay, alright?
All right, can you please tell me what to do? I don't know what to do.
I will say as a counselor, I can't force anyone to do anything.
It is really depend on you what you want to do for yourself.
All right, should he wear, should I insist that he wear a condom while I give him oral sex then, you think?
Well, I can only answer questions related to gambling.
Closed Captioning by Kris Brandhagen. brandhagen.com
Okay, so then what are you supposed to be here for?
Because I was told that this line was here to talk me out of gambling, to give me a reason.
Actually, we are not here to talk you out of gambling.
We are here to provide you a resource.
So that is, if you decide that you don't want to gamble and you want to deal with,
you want us to support you to make the change, we are here to support you.
We Are Not here to force anyone to make a tree that they are not
Will you support me ready for that? I want you to support me you guys come here
Can you come and give him the sex the oral sex and then maybe then that way?
I don't have to gamble because it you will have them
Is there anything I can help you with today?
Yeah, come down come to the casino. I'm at the Indiana Indian casino, Indiana
Indiana Indian Casino
Like I have told you this is out of the scope of my service
I'm gonna bite you
I'm gonna bite you
I'm gonna bite you and your legs
I'm gonna bite your leg, your thigh muscle
your thigh skin
I'm gonna leave black marks on you
If you need some information
about talking with a counselor
about your addiction
or if you have decided to make a change
please do call us back
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
I don't really have Skype running anymore right now for shows.
I'm very upset at Skype right now.
It's going to be for that other show I do.
I'm going to do it.
Hey, here's the Puerto Rican restaurant.
I'm sandbagging you.
All right, shit, fuck it.
It's in Nashville.
Call the mask fusion all over again.
Hello?
Hello?
Hang on.
I screwed that up.
Second.
Hello?
All right.
Yeah, she doesn't want to answer.
She doesn't want to play.
Dwight, I'm going to let you go.
Let someone else be on.
I'm sorry, buddy.
I had to stick to the rules, to the new rules, that everyone, you know, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Well, Grandpa got angry, didn't get in. A couple other people, but you got to talk to Dwight. You just got to talk to Dwight.
Yeah, I guess.
There's another voicemail.
When did Grandpa call in?
You're going to have to send Tigger over there, and you don't want Tigger to get...
I will have that honey if it's the last two
Man, that's a violent Winnie the Pooh, holy shit
Something like the dead
The dead Winnie the Pooh if he was the dead
Shit, that's the dead Renny Winnie the Pooh to his kids
I don't hear from the dead anymore, is he still alive, is he still around?
Last I knew he lost his job for the airline and that's the last I heard
Oh, he's working in the airlines?
Not anymore
Milkman, this is a voicemail that pertains to you
Carlito Laugh Track Madhouse Live
That's What We Need To Do
That's What This Show Needs
Is Some Joey Guns
That's Right
Fuck Yeah
Yeah
What Up Milky Man
You Fucking Milky Wicker
What's Happening
Same Shit
Getting It Going On Baby
Yeah
Hey K Cross
I'm Going To
Marilyn Manson
And Rob Zombie
Marilyn Manson
And Rob Zombie
In Concert Together
That Sounds Fun
Yes Sir
Nice
People Don't Still
Protest Marilyn Manson
Like They Did
In The Early 90's
Oh Man
I remember like in 97, my senior year in high school and fucking Marilyn Manson had a concert in Orlando and there was fucking people praying the rosary outside and all this fucking shit.
No, I didn't go. I didn't go. I saw it on the news. There was a lot of news coverage on it.
It was alright. It was alright. I knew a girl. I kind of dug a girl who was into him.
I saw Alice.
That guy right there is kind of like, you know, even before that.
Manfield?
It's funny you mention that. My girlfriend's father, he actually met Alice Cooper.
Alice Cooper's a sick motherfucker. He ate the bad heads.
Wait, I thought that was the other guy, though.
Ozzy.
Ozzy, too. Ozzy did that, too, but fucking Cooper did, too. He's crazy, man.
Hello, thank you.
I got a beer for me.
Yeah, hi, I was returning a call from Joey. He's a bouncer there, security guy.
Give me one second to see if I can track him down.
All right.
And then the baby thing, we did the baby thing. He's fucking red.
I didn't hear about that, but I believe it.
I saw him in Wayne's World
Oh he was raunchy dude
He was like great
The guitars and all that shit
I mean he's that genre dude
He's like king man
I mean you know
I'm sure Braylon's good too
Cause now dude
Back in the day
They'd be living a
Scooper in my opinion
I was prepared for a radio show
He does or he did?
Oh he still is yeah
He's selling it out in
The west coast?
KMO
Let's see
Somewhere out in Joplin, Mississippi
Missouri
Joplin, Missouri
That's a radio show
That's a K station in Missouri?
I was super nice
K-Stations are west of the Mississippi, right?
Yeah.
K is west of Mississippi.
But then W is east.
They're just random letters that they chose, I guess?
No, there's a name for it.
There's a station he works for, and he's got a radio show called Alice Cooper Night.
It's like a music show.
It's pretty good, actually.
I used to listen to it.
I haven't done it for a while.
When you hear Alice Cooper, man, check him out, man.
He has a pretty good radio show.
Hey, Joey.
WhatsUUp
Joey we're right here for you
i dont know
i dont know im just gonna get him to curse me a little bit
jemilie
Tell me you're at the bar
tell me you're sitting at the bar
if i'm at the bar right now
i'll tell him where we're sitting at upstairs
you got any bar sound effects?
yes i do
good idea
and we're waiting
mine just sounds pretty legit
Hello
Hello
Hey Joey I'm up here upstairs
In front of the bar
Joey
Come on Joey
He knows
I should have had you talk to him
And I left him alone for a week
I thought he'd come out of it
He's like fuck that guy
If we ever meet up again and go back to that place
We have to go back to that place
I can't talk
I'm going to have to be the laryngitis guy
I have to go in with a scarf.
You guys are going to have to talk on my behalf for my orders.
Yeah, make sure you bring a drill with you, though.
Yeah.
Now you play a quick voicemail here.
Stand by, Ethan.
All right.
Nice.
Check it out.
I bet you get lots of voicemails.
I do, yeah.
Sorry.
It's okay.
It was Mark.
I'm a keeper.
Yeah, you know what?
They got to eat, too, I guess.
You know?
Better they're over there than here.
Hey, buddy.
It's Buster.
I was just trying to call him live.
I don't know if this is the right spot, but anyways, listen to the show.
It's fun.
um uh yeah yeah yeah yeah shout out to Buster Casey all right god damn it i ordered pills from the room 10 minutes ago i like that god damn it i ordered pills from the room 10 minutes ago let's call the hotel and just play that rbcp says buster's never called his voicemail oh without uh yeah come on buster call brad's voicemail man why are you like that
Call Brad's Voicemail
Lookin' for a hotel here.
Divorce court?
You think they'll answer it this time, though?
I saw them come in.
I thought I copied him and I may not have, but I can copy him now, for sure.
Let's be motherfuckers.
Let's be fucking goofy here.
Thanks for calling the Reno Pepper.
Melissa's Glenham, a director, call.
God damn it, I ordered a pillow in the front room ten minutes ago.
Pardon me?
God damn it, I ordered a pillow in the front room ten minutes ago.
I'm not understanding what you're asking for, sir.
This is the hotel operator.
God damn it, I ordered a pillow in the front room ten minutes ago.
I don't know what you're saying, sir, except you ordered something, but I don't know what.
God damn it, I ordered a pillow in the front room ten minutes ago.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Callers from our hotel. Down first, non-smoking, non-gaming, independent hotel.
If you know your party's extension, you can dial it at any time.
Beth, how can I help you? Hello?
I don't know when to hit the button right because I'm stupid I hate myself I'm gonna cut
myself now don't say that smoking no please hold this isn't the worst hotel in fucking Vegas
my name is Beth how can I help you
Goddammit I ordered pillows for the room 10 minutes ago
Hey give me the phone
Oh yeah we ordered pillows for the room goddammit 10 minutes ago
Goddammit I ordered pillows for the room 10 minutes ago
That's my buddy
You need to get the fucking pillows over here
Room 212 hurry up let's go goddammit
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Subtitles by the Amara.org community
Wave the, wave the, wave the towel on it.
Wave the towel on it.
Oh, the blanket's on fire. Shit, the blanket's on fire.
Ah, shit.
What's your room number, sir?
Give me the water.
Hang on, hang on. I got it, I got it, I got it.
I'm gonna take my dick out and piss on it.
Hit it, hit it.
Sir, what's your room number?
Don't worry about it.
No, it's burning still there. It's almost out.
I got it, I got it.
Okay, okay, okay, thanks. Thank you.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hey Ethan grab that TV real quick
Alright you like that little chair that's in here too you want the chair?
Yeah throw that throw the TV at the chair
Okay alright you ready?
There we go
Milkman break that shit over there yeah
Hello?
Yeah
Thank you
Hi hello
Fuck this shit fuck this hotel
Fuck this hotel
Fuck the world
This place is a piece of shit
This fucking piece of shit
Some leg is on fire
Closed the toilet too, close the toilet up, put a submarine sandwich in the toilet
Hello?
Look at all the bubbles
Hello fuckers!
Yeah!
Now plug the bathtub up and put the water on a pool
Cool her up
Alright, shut off that fire alarm
Whip the water out of that thing, whip the water out of the other one, whip the water out of it
I put the fire alarm in the toilet
Spawn
What room are you in the fifth floor I know but what room
Look for the room with the water coming out the front door motherfucker. Yeah
We're in the room with the water coming out the front door
Yeah
Break that shit milkman break it
Flush that those sheets in a sandwich
Hey, we're not safe. Yeah, we're not responsible.
Uh-oh.
Hey, look at this. If I wear this thing like a diaper, what do you think?
Well, no, I think it just sounds a little bit...
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
This room is fucked.
I'm glad I don't have to pay for this.
All right, give me some more.
Yeah, all right. We're going to head out, lady. Thanks for your help.
Thanks for the suggestion.
Hey, the kielbasa is all gone now. You can have the rest.
All right. Hello?
Hello?
Yeah. Who's that? Hello?
Hey, that's our party girl. She's coming up.
Are you coming up, Eric?
We want to help this girl.
We're headed out now. Don't worry about it.
Look for the room with the water coming out the front.
Yeah, and all the ferns are smashed, too.
Slip and slide, honey.
Yeah, all right.
Don't slip when you slide.
Yeah, you're going to have to fix all this carpet and everything now.
Dad, if you find a bowl, it's not mine.
Yeah, all right.
Went to a garden party.
Milkman, did you forget your bong?
We're going to let you go.
Oh, hell no.
We've got to have a bong.
The bong's in a thousand pieces.
There, they hung up.
We're destroying the rooms.
Get in there.
They're going to break my bong now, dang.
That was a lot of fun.
All right.
Thanks, man.
Have a good night, you guys.
All right, Ethan, I'll call your numbers, hopefully.
Yeah, we should, because I'm on for another hour.
So, yeah, I'm on the phone.
Yeah, give me a call.
All right.
All right, big Ethan.
All right.
See you later, man.
See you, man.
Hey, peace, buddy.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
305-396-6884
Here's a caller right now
Hi, thanks for calling, and I'm Carlito
Please be a friend
Hey, fuck you, motherfucker
Oh, no
Hey, what's up, Brad?
What's up, Brad?
Yeah, Brad
Brad
Brad Carter, a host
of Family Time Prank Calls
Great show, man
Good work
Old Cactus Head and Sal
Old Cactus Head and Sal
In the time
Prank Calls dot com
Yeah
Yeah
Hey what happened
With Mr. Doppelina's
Free Crazy House
Of Prank Calls
Did that project
Did that
Is that still
Are you still updating that
I don't think I've seen that
Yeah actually
I put a new one up
It's been like two months
And I put one up
Like yesterday
Or the day before
Oh I see
I have not looked at
Pocket Cast lately
So I wouldn't know
So there you go
Thank you
I just didn't leave
Yeah
It's alright
I don't think anyone listens to it.
I think a lot of them were Dr. Ruth calls also he had one more like this old lady was like I just been so so stressed out I've been masturbating like what the fuck are you talking about why I don't remember that one I gotta listen to all those again it's been a few years good stuff yeah yeah yeah I binge listen to those once one year like he wants to do a call-in show thank you for calling the South Virginia Home Depot for store hours and directions that's one sorry if you know that that was a mention of the person you are trying to reach press two
To speak to an associate in one of our store departments, press 3.
If for kitchen and bathroom design, press 1.
The number you dialed is currently unavailable.
I'm going to make someone cry.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, by the way, Dwight had the same problem.
Kitchen design is scratching.
How can I help you?
Yeah, hi.
We're over here and we're breaking stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Break that shit.
Break that shit.
Do you have any replacement light fixtures for the break-in?
Yeah, there's a lot of glass here.
Hey, quit throwing that shit at me.
Hello?
How much is the replacement, ma'am?
What was that?
You heard me.
No, I did not.
We're breaking the glass.
Don't give a shit.
I don't give a shit.
How come I wasn't invited?
Oh, you want to let your aggression out?
I'll watch this.
You want to let your aggression out?
Yeah.
I told you, look at this.
Ma'am?
Ma'am?
Uh-huh?
What can I say to you to make you cry?
Because Buster Casey wants me to make a woman cry tonight.
Who does?
Buster Casey, my BFF.
Okay.
I mean, that sounds kind of mean, but...
Yeah, but, you know, we're shitty people.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't know you probably could too
Yeah but I'm not a woman
I can get away with it
Not at all
It's a man's world I could be fat as fuck
And I'll still find something out there
Good try though
You bitches are a dime a dozen
Fat girls
On a scale of 1 to 10 how much are you crying right now
Not at all
You're upset though you're upset you're thinking about it
Not even a little bit
Are you going to go home and eat a can of frosting be honest
No I don't have frosting at home
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Man Department
Meem
Meem
Meem
Meem
Meem
Meem
Meem
Alright
Let's break some more shit
I'm gonna let you go so you can cry
I want to talk to your supervisor
Alright
I want to talk to your supervisor now
We're gonna get you fired
Oh, God
Then you'll cry
Hey, what was
Good luck with that
Yeah, good
Everything
Good luck with that, you're fucking the boss, it's not gonna happen, is that what
you're saying
No, my boss is gay
It's not gonna happen
Your boss is gay
For sure
Okay, well, you know
How did you know that
Voice Over
Are you crying yet?
Yeah
I think another cut
Alright
I think our job's done here with you
We're gonna, um, if you wanna hold
We're gonna call an open department, okay?
Can you pretend to cry?
No
Please
Come on
Pretend, pretend for us
Just cry a little bit
Thank you for calling the South Virginia Home Depot
For store hours and directions, press 1
Thank you for calling, this is Jasmine in Hardware
Oh, a woman in Hardware?
Yes, I am a woman
Oh, that's unfortunate that you have that disability.
Is there a man I can talk to?
I think it's good that they let a disabled you with your disability answer the phone and play with the toys, you know?
Sure, they're toys for men, actually.
Okay.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Yep.
Did you still want me to transfer you to a manager?
Yeah.
Oh, that's so cute.
Yeah, sure.
Hey, Jasmine's a stripper name.
Did you know that?
What's up with that?
I did know that.
Thank you.
Have a great day, sir.
All right.
Are you going to transfer us?
She's going to cry. She's going to cry.
We want to talk to a Womanger, not a manager.
A Womanager.
A Womanger.
Womanger.
Thank you for calling the South Virginia Home Depot.
I'm sorry, but you have selected an invalid option.
To repeat the menu, dial 9.
I think it's fine.
I don't know what option I hit, guys. We're fucked.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't think I would be able to get an ID stolen again.
I was just like, what the hell was that?
I think that guy was messing with us.
I don't know, I could hear the guy at one point in the background, like, giggling, like,
uh-huh-huh-huh, he's leaving with my badge.
No, I know, it just didn't make sense, like, why'd that happen?
Yeah, I don't know. Let me get to Ethan numbers here.
Uh, Ethan sent some numbers. I thought I had copied them, but apparently I didn't.
Uh, somewhere out there is a voicemail from Dyler, and Dyler wanted to join us.
Good ol' Dyler.
Good ol' Dyler. Dyler's a funny dude.
TheFNDC.com
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Get a little bit of the drinky, drinky, slappy, slappy wrong there.
Oh, I don't know.
Something about it.
That was always a questionable downfall of his.
Apparently it didn't mean.
That's too bad to hear, man.
I'm not kidding, but he said that he blacked out and didn't remember what he did.
Oh, fuck, dude.
He's been doing that for years.
I mean, he would fucking call me up, dude, and said, oh, yeah, I drank two fifths last night.
You know, I spent like $3,000.
And I'm like, dude.
I said, why in the fuck would you do that?
Tipping, like strippers, $3,000 tipping.
Look, loan me $1,000 in that fucking money, dude.
I'll give it back to you, and you'll have the money later, dude.
But you do it with the strippers, you ain't gonna have nothing.
You ain't gonna get your dick sucked.
Milkman will suck your dick, man.
I ain't gonna do that.
I said the strippers can, but at least you'll get your money back if you give it to me.
Hello?
Hello?
Yeah, you have a Chrysler Newport high performance?
6.3 VA engine?
Yeah.
All right, I'm going to put through my associate.
He's looking to buy that for the fleet.
There you go.
Hey there, this is Mr. Carter from Brad and Associates.
Hey.
How much would it be?
How much is the car?
Did you see the ad or not?
What?
Have you read the ad?
No, don't be a smartass.
Just tell me how much the stupid car is.
I'm not being a smartass.
I'm just asking a question.
Well, okay.
I don't know how much it is.
That's why I'm asking.
All right, $10,500.
Are you raising it just because you don't like my attitude?
That's not how you sell a car.
So you read the ad then?
So you know how much is it?
I didn't read the ad.
I was transferred over, you fucking idiot.
Alright, just find another car, alright?
Bye.
Now you're trying to raise the price?
You know it's not worth that.
69, that's a classic car, man.
I'll call him back.
Let me see if I can talk to him.
That guy was unfriendly.
He didn't want to sell his car.
That's a big joke.
You read the ad, eh?
He gave for it first.
Like, oh, you're wasting my time.
You sound like a bluffer.
That's a good job, man.
Yeah, this is Ray from Ray's Construction.
I am unavailable at the moment.
You didn't sound like a dick.
I am unavailable at the moment.
I sound like a dick.
Go grab one.
Yeah.
My name is Ray.
Junk, garbage, rubbish, gub.
What the fuck?
Junk, garbage, rubbish.
It's hard to say.
Disposal, hauling, clean out.
Okay.
All right.
Brad, stay on for this one.
You guys, listen.
Listen, wait a minute.
This is what these, out here, these Mexican guys get these fucking old-ass trucks, and
and they take these like four by eight sheets of plywood and like little rickety like two befores and put up eight foot high beds on these things they're so fucking dangerous dude like the time I was driving my taxi back in the old days I think it was 2011 I saw like five of these fucking hot water tanks that fell off of one of these one of these things that give away and kill these people on the interstate yeah man they're all hot water but the wood gave away the wood gave away dude there was like piles of them all down the road
I know it's a fatality, dude.
You get what you pay for.
It was completely flat.
You get what you pay for.
You want cheap labor in this country?
That's what you get.
Brad Carter's a big proponent of that wall.
What I bring that up is you can fuck with them about their shit.
Tell them you saw their truck or whatever.
Shit's falling apart.
You're going to report them to the ICE?
I don't know.
I'm back.
I'm back.
I hear you.
Well, they are dangerous.
You don't have to do the ICE.
Mexicas are dangerous.
They're rapists.
They're killers.
Some of them are going forwarded to an automatic voice message system talking about KKK fucking Athena's crazy. She's like, hey, there you want to go counter protest of the anniversary of the Charlottesville protest.
The bigger call is forwarded to an automatic voice. Crazy. I'm fucking I can't run away from fucking tear gas and get run over by a fucking angry person.
You gotta tell her one thing.
Do you want people to know what your face looks like?
That's the problem.
They will be filming the crowd.
If anybody shows up, that's the problem.
Do you want them to know who you are?
Oh, okay.
It's a free contract.
You gotta wear your anonymous mask.
My anonymous mask, my Guy Fawkes mask.
These white motherfucking Nazis may not agree with your idea.
That's the problem.
Yeah.
I'm hoping that one of these fringe groups...
I'm all for fucking protesting, brother, and I've thought about it.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
The Dollar Store
Walmart
It's not made in America
Remember that?
Made in America
That's how they got it
in everybody's purse
Made in America
If you're calling
requesting moving labor
leave a message
I'll get right back to you
No you won't
Asshole
Alright Brad
My friend
That piece of fucking shit
fell off of that
pile of shit
you drive down the road
Thanks for calling in
No you're not
Just to open the line
I have to open the line
I'm hanging up on you
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm gonna tell him about the terrorist angle. I'm gonna tell him about his voice. He's got a funny voice. He's got a unique voice.
He could be in different calls with it.
If this is inappropriate, you don't have to answer. Tell me and I will sit in my place.
But I'm gonna guess Lebanese. No? No, I don't think so.
What?
No? You're not Lebanese? No? Was I off there?
No, no. I'm not Lebanese.
Okay, alright. Saudi? No? Not Saudi.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't eat plantains so I understand okay all right I'll get off this yeah yeah we're doing
that we're a cheap moving labor let's see if they answer here this time if not we have
an a room for rent that you and I can share you know I was thinking like maybe some like
stuck in an elevator hotel okay I can get some elevators in the hotel don't worry yeah
like we would be like stuck together hello yeah hi how you doing hey how's it going hey
Hey, good brother. I saw that you have that cheap moving labor for hire.
Do you need services?
Yeah.
Oh, okay, okay. Where are you located?
I'm in the area, in the local area. I'm in Brooklyn, actually.
Oh, okay, okay.
All right.
Now, we provide labor only, no truck. Is that what you need?
Yeah, no. Well, yeah, we just basically, I just need you to move a large coffin.
Oh, a large what?
A Coffin
A Coffin?
Is somebody in it?
Yeah, yeah, my friend's gonna be in it.
He's here on the phone if you have any questions about that.
Wait a minute, your friend's gonna be in the coffin?
Yeah, it's a thing we do.
It's like, you know, we put...
Yeah, I will be in actually.
So like it's...
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on, wait, wait.
How can he talk to you if he's dead?
Oh, he's not dead?
No, he's not dead.
It was just...
No, we just...
It's like a joke thing.
We put him in the coffin.
No, no.
No, but basically, I will be dead. Like, now I'm not dead, but I will be dead.
Yeah, he'll be dead.
Wait a minute.
The doctor told me, like, I would have, like, one day or two, so...
He lost the will to live, you understand?
Wait, wait, what are you guys doing? What kind of, what is this? Like, some kind of a, is this some kind of a joke?
Jack Kevorkian. Jack Kevorkian.
He he said he's he wrote he wrote down a paper that he's willing for me to help him to move on to the next phase
So yeah
That's all he's paying me money
It's all legal it's all legal. It's all he has the paper right here. He just signed the papers
Look the truth is I
Drugged him. All right. The truth is I drugged them. I
I injected chlorinated water in his head, and he's doing whatever I say right now, okay?
It's a roofie.
All right.
It's a roofie.
I gave this guy a roofie, and I don't want to move him.
All right, Brooklyn.
Brooklyn Sal, you've moved in pretty well with that.
A very good call, Brooklyn.
So, I am quickly getting you a hotel.
I'll say hotel.
We're going to be stuck together, you said.
I don't think I can get you an echo so we're just gonna pretend you have an echo
work it out
hotel
okay
hotel
keyboard recuperate
let me ask you just a question here
would you be happier with a Thursday night show or a Friday night show
does it matter to you at all
Wednesday night
or Wednesday night yeah
Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
It doesn't feel like Madhouse when we do that.
You know, I like the daytime shows that I've done.
They're always fun.
But, you know, it's something cool about like a Thursday night when we hang out.
You know what?
Fuck it.
I just won't do the...
Who am I kidding?
You know?
Look, look.
Why don't you do it like this?
Here, why don't you do this?
Why don't you set one week out of the month that you'll do a Wednesday show.
The rest of the night, you'll do a regular show.
Then that gives you the choice.
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Like Your King You're a Kingdom of Your Own Domain Right
All Right Brooklyn Cell we're stuck in the elevator here We go
Hello Madam Can you hear me yes i can hear you i have a big Problem right now Actually Because i'm in
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Ma'am, can you please wait? I'm on the phone with the lady. She will help us, okay?
Damn it! Damn it!
All right.
Damn it!
I think he's going crazy right now.
Damn it!
Okay, calm down. Damn it!
All righty, I'll send someone over right away.
Come at her!
Ma'am, can you hear me?
Hold on. I'll send someone over right away.
Ma'am, he's trying to get up in the elevator and, like, goes out.
I don't know what he's doing. Like, wait. Brad.
Okay. Hold on, Elsa.
Brad, calm down. Wait, wait, ma'am.
Madhouse Info
I've been advised I'm being too loud, so...
I'm stuck in the elevator. We're stuck in the elevator.
All right, I've sent the manager to the elevator.
Get the fuck out of the elevator, motherfucker, you.
Excuse me, madam, but, like, he's...
Don't listen, like, because he's a bit, like, sick.
He can't, like, stand when he's, like, locked up.
You motherfucking...
All right, and I've sent the manager to help you.
Shit.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
There's a lot of cables up here.
Okay, you're not in my elevator.
What hotel are you at?
I'm on top of the elevator.
You're on top of the elevator?
Yeah, he can see actually.
What are you doing on top of the elevator?
The elevator, it wasn't going.
Do you see the casino?
Dude, there's no casino here.
No, there's no casino here.
He doesn't know.
I, I, I, look.
What hotel are you at?
Hello?
Hello?
Yeah, hello?
Isn't it like the Milkman Hotel?
The what?
What?
It's the...
The Milkman Hotel?
No.
No.
This is...
This is not.
Yeah, that's what I'm calling it.
Let me...
What hotel?
Really?
Yeah, I called my brother on my cell phone.
What are you doing on top of the elevator?
The elevator wasn't moving, so I came up here to try to fix it, and now I'm just scared
to come down.
I don't know how to come down.
Okay, because both my elevators are running.
Well, I know that, yeah.
I'm just here.
I mean, it's fine.
It's kind of dirty.
There's a few, like, dead animals up here, like cockroaches and stuff.
Come on.
What elevator are you on?
I don't know. I'm not familiar. Just move it again.
Shit.
Last time I got really close... What hotel are you at?
Huh? It's like the car...
What is it called?
It starts with a C.
And, um...
And why did you get on top of the elevator?
Because it wasn't going.
So I went up here and I started...
I called my brother.
He's an elevator technician
for Otis
tikka masala papadum Carlito Laugh Track
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Laugh Track
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Carlyle
And basically he called me like from the elevator and I'm trying to help him.
So where are you, Brian?
Well, me, I'm in the Milkman's Hotel and I'm trying to get him out of there, yeah.
Do you know the Milkman Hotel? Do you know it?
Which hotel?
The Milkman Hotel facility.
The Milkman Hotel?
Yeah.
Can I smoke up here?
They got a casino, basically. They got a casino in the Milkman Hotel.
Brian, what city are you in?
This woman is stupid.
Closed Captioning by Kris Brandhagen. brandhagen.com
Laugh Track Madhouse Live
I didn't say anything, so it must be something on the intercom there.
Yo Brad, Brad, can you please get down?
Brad, do you hear me? Can you get down? Can you get down?
I'm gonna come down because this is dangerous.
Okay, come down and calm down and try to push the SOS button. There is always the SOS button.
Okay, but she said that she doesn't understand. I think she's stupid. She has a disability out there.
Give me a second. I'm going to jump down.
Madam, hello?
I had to crank it to get there.
Hello, madam. Can you hear me?
Yeah.
Can we speak to the man in charge there?
Yeah.
The man in charge of the maintenance or stuff like that?
All right, I'm down.
He's trying to help you. He's at the elevator right now.
Oh, here he comes. Here you go.
Okay, so you say you're at the right?
Well, he is. I'm not. Yeah, he is.
Are you sure? Because I'm calling the police right now.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I had a chance to step out of it.
Let me try to call back real quick.
I'm just going to show what you're talking about.
Hello?
Yes?
Yeah, I'm not there at the hotel.
I'm in a different hotel, and I'm not in the elevator.
We're just making a practical joke.
Okay.
Sorry, madam.
You just got butt slammed.
Yeah, you just got butt slammed.
That's all.
Oh, boy.
This will be the last Madhouse Radio.
This will solve our stand-up comedy problem, eh, Milkman?
Now we don't have to worry about that.
I think that right there was a good taste of stand-up comedy.
Yeah.
Standing up on top of the elevator.
I'm still standing here, man.
I'm still standing here.
It was a good call, though.
I mean, the ending wasn't as pleasant, but actually the body of the call was actually funny, man.
Body.
You know, before it goes to the end, it's like fade down.
That's another good name for you.
You've got the whole time, Milkman.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Let's play some voicemails here for the good folks who've been leaving them.
That's Huey from Australia.
Just trying to call and say, hey, don't forget my prank.
I sent you a message on Facebook.
I think it's Carlito Machine or Carlito Horse or something.
That's not me.
I couldn't find Madhouse Live liking you there.
Madhouse.live.
Carlito Cross.
Madhouse.live on Facebook.
Yeah, see if you can find it.
Thank you, bye.
Alright, next.
Thanks, Australia, for calling in.
Hey, it's Australia, man.
Hey, hey there, front reception.
Hey, it's Matt Hillock.
That one that you thought was me was not me.
Oh, my bad, sorry, Matt.
I'm listening to your voicemail right now.
You should pick up the line, buddy.
Watching your live, cheers, yo.
Alright, my friend, Matt Hillock.
Yeah, he's...
Matt, Matt Hillock.
Yo Carlito I've been listening to your show for a long time I used to tune in all the time when I was doing uh
You know what let me interrupt this real quick
You know what this reminds me of Milkman
You like Click and Clack right
You remember Click and Clack that show
To call in the show you have to leave a voicemail first
And then they play the voicemail
Then they call you back about your fucking car problem
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Listen to you and Milkman and the cool music you guys always have in the background, man.
It's always fitting my style, which is kind of a weird style of music, but you guys kind of get it.
Anyway, keep up the good shit.
Milkman, I love you, bro.
For whatever reason, man, I feel like we know each other somehow.
But yeah, keep it real, Milkman.
Don't listen to these haters.
Yeah, there you go, Milkman.
You guys probably met in a lucid dream.
That's probably where it was.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, Carlito, my wife, she's fucking hot.
I got a new job at the street bar
and she's fucking there too
her titties that you're doing
I think that was someone due to the dead imitation
not bad, not bad, that was funny
oh I couldn't get it, it was literally just broken up
I didn't catch it, sorry
yeah, good effort, good effort
few more here
well that's minus one plus one
this will be original
y'all make me laugh my tail off every time
I wish you could call Joey Guns again because he just seems to maybe I don't know yeah we tried he didn't want to talk to me he heard my voice and clicked right away oh he got he got nervous yeah anyway my chicken machine broke and um the glass would break and my chicken was eaten I hope my chicken doesn't get sick oh me too man machines yeah I'm gonna take her down to the walmart anyways all right bro one two three
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Maybe we'll have Dialer on as a special guest next week.
We'll let him hang out with us for a while.
I know you like Dialer.
Dialer cracked you up that prank skit.
Yeah, he's cool, dude.
Dialer's cool people.
And people are like, see, nobody talked over tonight, and look how cool it was.
It was peaceful tonight.
We're not very peaceful.
Yeah, I just feel bad Dwight didn't get to do a prank, you know?
Yeah, well, that wasn't because we ran out of time.
That was the only reason.
Yeah, I just feel bad.
I don't want to, you know, Dwight always has an issue.
Madhouse Live
Caller 405-3966-884 405-3966-884
440539 Mouth
Let me see if there any more Ethan numbers I can get for we call it off
We got about 10 minutes left or less probably less. Whoa, we got an ad to work in adult movies. We'll train
They'll train you gotta be qualified for that. Yeah
What are your training qualifications there got any you got a pussy references references John Holmes
I'll give it a shot let's see all in all a good show had a lot of fun tonight thanks everyone for
tuning in I want to thank all our patreon subscribers you all know who you are I didn't
pick a patreon subscriber of the show let me get one up here real quick hello everyone and thank
you for calling the famous high society entertainment the leaders in the adult
Alta entertainment industry yeah if you are applying to be a driver please call
our driver job information line at five one three two four four three three five
seven that's five one three two four four three three five seven five one
three two four four three three five seven all right this isn't the fun so
so that number is busy unfortunately here's a caller last caller of the show
thank you for joining please be nice it's good to have you on Matt how you
been brother this is like I haven't talked to you
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't know, I'm high.
Buster's been supporting Madhouse Radio since August of 2014.
Militia Matter.
Buster Casey.
Thank you very much, Buster Casey.
Buster Hyman.
All right.
Buster Casey, buddy.
All right.
Don't stop for my brother.
Yeah.
I'm going to get that.
That's a strong supporter right there.
Hello, Matt.
Hello.
I was on mute.
I was trying to say hello to you, brother.
I think you heard me.
Matt, are you there?
Can you speak up, Matt? You're really low.
Am I not on my real mic or some bullshit?
Yeah, you sound like you're on the laptop not far away.
Because I'm... Hang on. Audio... Oh, yeah. There. Maybe that's... Oh, it's because I moved it. Computers.
Because I was going to stream. Give me one moment.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation
Prank Call Nation
Prank Call
Prank Calls in a voice channel at the conclusion of tonight's show.
Listening to right now, the Madhouse Radio Show, the superior show, the dominant force in prank calls.
The original, settle for nothing less.
Often imitated, never duplicated.
Never.
Thank you for calling. Please leave a message and your call will be returned as soon as possible.
No artificial ingredients included.
Matt, you're back. I hear some hustle. Some hustle.
Matt, Matt, Matt.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
All right, Matt. You're here, Matt. We hear you, bud.
Like a goober.
You sound perfect now, sir. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. I got a new mic arm. It's like longer, so I don't have to hunch over it because I was watching myself streaming games and it was like a humpback.
You know, because I super glued the thing to the table so I can't move the clip for it.
So I thought it'd be better just to get a longer microphone arm.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
You got a Toyota Camry?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, I want to make sure the current oil, when was the last time the oil was changed?
How many miles has it been?
And did you do it normally every 3,000 and so?
At least, yeah.
She had it done every time it needed to be done.
Every time she menstruated?
Every time she menstruated?
It's gone.
Well enough, because I got to pee again.
Is that what happened?
I got to pee again anyway, so it's good enough that it's over.
All right, Matt, I'm going to let you go.
I'm going to catch you in the flip.
Cheers, buddy.
All right, I'll try to join you for a GTA 5.
See you, buddy.
Yeah, yeah, cheers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everyone, be sure to check out Matt's streaming on the shit motherfucker about that,
about with the GTA 5.
They go on Twitch.
I think it's Zach's Intel on Twitch.
Something like that.
I'm sure there's links out there.
Trying to get Milkman back on here so he can say our goodbye.
Milkman's gonna say goodbye Little labios that called in tonight
Called in tonight
Hey man, I don't know how I happened, but I got you back, buddy
You didn't miss anything, it was a hang up, it's okay, buddy
I was gonna say, we got the menstrual and then I got hung up
Yeah, I hit the button again, you know
You hit the right time even if you didn't mean to
Yeah, yeah, but hey, we had a pretty good show right? What do you think you want to take us you want to take us out of here, bro?
Oh, yeah, brother. I think you did great. Yeah, we have how many people we had visit tonight
Well, we got some of our old old old friends
We're back in the day man. That's right and Matt
Brad our BCP
And call me in Brooklyn cell called in Buster, Casey
Dragon War
I forget who else.
A lot of people called in.
A lot of voicemails too, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
We did good, dude.
I think, yeah.
I think we had good interaction.
We met quite a few people
and some of our old people
and some of our new people.
Hey.
No, I didn't do that.
That's just ended by remote.
That means Milkman did that.
I didn't touch nothing.
Unless I ran out of credits.
He just dropped out.
That was not me.
Uh-uh.
There?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Get to know us through the link below.
I'm gonna look at you now.
Yeah.
Yeah, you dropped out of nowhere.
I don't know what happened, brother.
I don't even know where I was at.
Okay, so I was trying to say, okay, so we did good.
We had good interactions.
Man, we have a lot of people show up tonight.
Friends from the new friends from the old man.
That's what we do right here in the Madhouse, man.
We get together every week right here on the Madhouse.
Most interactive show you can find right here on the Internet.
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Carlito, thank you so much, brother, for having me along and keeping this operation here rolling.
Show enough, man. I'm so happy we're together again doing our show machine, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, man. I had a good time. I think it was a rather pleasant, fun show, dude.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
We had a few little errors, and it was like, hey, dude, look, I'll come out on you.
Exactly.
All right, everybody, well, thanks for tuning in.
Thanks to everyone who tuned in tonight and called in, all our subscribers.
Special Editions
Friday Show
Big thank you to all our Patreon supporters
Be sure to go to patreon.com
slash madhouse if you'd like to support us
we'd appreciate it
madhouselive.com
is the main website to get all your links
that you need
madhouselive.com
is the main website for all the links
to our podcasts as well as
live tuning and showcast tuning
to listen to the show
24-7-365
Live or not
Head over to madhouselive.com
Hit on your tune-in links
Different ways
There's even a phone number you can call when it works
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And on Facebook
Madhouse.live
And that's about it
That's all I got
Alright guys I'm going to go eat some Thai food
I got waiting for me
Y'all have a good weekend
Behave yourselves
Be good to each other
Be sure to check out Prank Calls
Discord.gg forward slash pranks
Madhouse Live Prank Calls

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