MadhouseLive

Hot Jazz In Your Mouth

23 Aug 2018 · 2 h 45 min · 13,004 words · source

Calls (28, 1 h 18 min of 2 h 45 min)

  1. Pizza Hut asked about pizza storage ivr 7.3 min clip ↓
  2. Lowe's store called about plywood live 1.8 min clip ↓
  3. San Diego Lowe's hardware transfer info live 33 s clip ↓
  4. Home Depot plywood request live 1.1 min clip ↓
  5. Caller panicked about hurricane windows live 2.6 min clip ↓
  6. Walmart pickup clerk about plywood live 1.3 min clip ↓
  7. Walmart pickup confusion live 1.3 min clip ↓
  8. KHON2 hurricane info line ivr 1.1 min clip ↓
  9. KHON2 weather help request live 33 s clip ↓
  10. Call Nation Madhouse Live asked about island live 1.8 min clip ↓
  11. Call Nation Madhouse Live asked about phone number live 7.3 min clip ↓
  12. Calling Milkman from machine ivr 3.6 min clip ↓
  13. Bikini golf course asked about caddies live 3.6 min clip ↓
  14. Drug testing center asked about body inspection live 9.8 min clip ↓
  15. UK Godfather orders bra for girlfriend live 3.8 min clip ↓
  16. Pizza order with number change live 33 s clip ↓
  17. UK Godfather pizza collection call live 2.1 min clip ↓
  18. Chicken restaurant collection order live 3.1 min clip ↓
  19. Arcade discusses token system and currency live 1.6 min clip ↓
  20. Ethics hotline automated menu ivr 2.8 min clip ↓
  21. Petco asked about pets live 1.1 min clip ↓
  22. 7-Eleven asked about heat live 48 s clip ↓
  23. 7-Eleven IVR menu ivr 2.6 min clip ↓
  24. 7-Eleven manager check live 1.1 min clip ↓
  25. Order Chic's Performance Bedding promo code live 48 s clip ↓
  26. Order Chic's Performance Bedding color choice live 4.8 min clip ↓
  27. Third Love asked to buy a bra for son playback 2.8 min clip ↓
  28. Chupacabra calls with complaints live 7.6 min clip ↓

Transcript

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style
That we get from Carlito
That's my big amigo
Madhouse Live
And if you want, call the number You can listen to this show on the go
Big up to the man in the madhouse Show love, stick your motherfuckin' hands up
Some come close, but they can't get it right Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live
Big up to the man in the madhouse Show love, stick your motherfuckin' hands up
For the same team, Madhouse Live
Prank Call Station in the nation
Prank Call Nation
Madhouse Live
I am relatively unafraid at the moment.
You should be scared.
We've got a conviction.
We've got a conviction.
And things are sounding much more up to speed today.
Conviction.
I'll give you a conviction, motherfucker.
I got a conviction too, man.
It's going to be a hell of a fun trip.
Uh-huh.
Your call will be recorded for quality assurance.
And a customer service of service will be ready shortly.
Thank you.
That's the quality that you're assured.
This is brutal.
Keep that.
Be sure that the quality of the pizza.
We're calling Pizza Hut That's a fucking wait here I gotta hear the options Milkman shut up What's going on what do I do I hit one maybe one will work I think they just came in thank you
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
if you let me finish if you let me finish and not be rude how long do the pizzas keep at room
temperature because what i figure is i can buy a few pizzas and we can eat off of that for a few
days you know because i wouldn't i wouldn't be able to answer that sir well you're pretty ignorant
is there a man there that can tell me excuse me you're pretty ignorant no i'm not ignorant sir
you're ignorant and you're wasting my time you're stupid ignorant yeah milkman
Check the chat room
Check the chat room
We haven't had any Hawaiian calls for a while
Don't listen to what I'm saying, guys.
What I'm asking...
Kahoki? What the fuck?
What is it?
Oh, gosh.
Oh, that's...
Howie and...
What's the other one?
No, that's Greek.
That's Greek for masturbator.
Or jerk-off.
Like wanker.
Kanaka.
Kanaka.
Kanaka.
That's right.
Malaka Kanaka.
See, I was close.
Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. This is Jackie. Could I please start with your phone number?
Yeah, what's up, my kanaka? How you doing? Was I just talking to you?
Uh, no.
Okay, I had a question. There's a hurricane coming. I'm on vacation here on the big, on Oahu.
Okay.
All right, and we're trying to find, like, we don't even have a refrigerator here, and then we tried to get some stuff to, like, eat in the grocery stores.
They're all, like, cleaned out, I guess, because there's a hurricane. I've never been in one before.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Patipi Road
Eva Beach
Is that fucking place open?
Because they put boards up all over the place here.
They're open until 4.
Is the door open or how do I get in?
Yeah, you walk through the door.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The hurricane's touching down on top of the volcano, tube to tube, right?
And then this fucking explosion happening, and it's just like swirling like pieces of lava everywhere.
In the hurricane, right?
Yeah, that's what it's going to sound like.
That's what happens when you mix a hurricane and lava.
We got one minute, brother.
We got one minute.
Is it that late?
What do you got in your head, or man?
I'm using Cinderella 99, but I'm going to switch to the OG Kush soon as I cash this, I think.
I think.
I think that's what I'm going to do.
Send a real a 99 in what form what method and a you know, just a regular marijuana pipe portfolio bowl
Yeah, I got my dude. I fucking I had this pipe this ball glass pipe that I had for yeah
I had it the motherfucker for like five years and it dropped and barely that it wasn't barely that high off the ground
And it broke and all right do this so I bought a silicone one. It's made of a silicone. It's rubbery
It's like a dildo almost I mean, I'm sure the camera pointing. It's this right here
Madhouse Live
Grape Soda, man.
They have the grape soda.
Yeah, I'm a milkman.
Is that what you're smoking?
Grape soda?
Yeah, it's grape soda.
What is grape soda?
Diamond terp sauce.
So you're vaping then?
Or what are you doing?
Are you dabbing?
Yeah, I'm dabbing the vape.
Dabbing the vape.
You're dabbing the vape.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
All right, cool.
I can't get video to play about the hurricane.
It doesn't seem like this wants to play like I wanted it to.
It's supposed to be a video machine.
Well, apparently lava is flowing around...
flowing out of the swirl and it hits the camera.
That's the problem.
It's got a lava problem.
A lava problem?
It's not...
That's going to happen.
Dude, you can't...
That's going to cool off almost immediately, buddy.
That's not going to happen.
It's a joke.
It's a joke for the call.
Hey, wait a minute.
Why are you disrespecting me and calling me dumbass?
What's that about, dumbass?
That's not right.
I'm your friend.
I'm using you as a theoretical caller, right?
I'm demonstrating here.
I think you're being a disrespectful little prick is what you're doing.
This is a premise.
You're getting high.
That's that Reefer Madness shit.
You're getting all crazy.
I should have prefaced it and said, this is a premise, Armando.
I'm sorry, baby.
No, it's okay.
I'm just fucking with you, buddy.
You know I don't care about that shit.
I'm laughing my ass off.
This is a fucking good hit.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
We have a very bad buzz tonight, I apologize.
Alright, yeah, that reminds me.
Back to Cinderella 99 here.
Planet, uh, Grape Soda.
Planet Knee High?
Dude, I saw Grape Knee High for sale yesterday.
I was, uh, a few days ago.
We're probably gonna get it transferred to the mainline machine.
Hello?
Thank you for calling Lowe's.
Buzzzz
That fucking buzz is killing me man
I'm sorry guys you're going to hear buzzing whenever the music's not playing it's a buzz
I'm sorry sorry I try I try I try
Can I have my service on my direct call?
Well listen I'm trying to go in there and there's like so many people and I'm trying to buy a plywood
You wanna know if we have some?
Well I mean I was there and there was a ton of people in there what's that about?
Because it's the hurricane and people are trying to buy things
Yeah well I mean that's not convenient to me
We can't control the customers in the store sir
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Foundation
What I'm Talking About
I Should Have Asked For Larry
I Think She's A Little Frazzled Milkman
Yeah Hey
Listen There's Too Many People Here
This Is Too Many People
I Need To Get Plywood And I Don't Have Time To Be Waiting
All These People Here In The Way
I Don't Know Who You Are Or Where You Are
Where You At
Well I Was In The Store I Came Out To The Parking Lot To Cool Down
There's Too Many People
The Only Plywood I Have Is Under The Canopy
Call Nation Madhouse Live
That was Ted Webb That was not Ted Webb What the hell is Ted Webb doing over there man He's fucking working with the kanakas Inside man, inside man Ted Webb Oh man I'm gonna call the other Lowe's If the fucking shit will open here Good old Ted Webb man You ever hear from Manningham anymore Yeah I emailed him on KDK When we found out that KDK passed Oh how long has that been A couple months
The Sharks
San Diego
For what is it?
Thomas A
For information on
Transferring to
Hardware and tools
This is a different Lowe's. This might be the one I get this fucking buzzing shit. Yeah, it's getting worse
Yeah, I need plywood why aren't the people answering and why are there so many people there? Okay, hold on. Hey help help me
Why don't I do that? I wonder the Kmart. They're still open. See if they got any poster board you can meet poster board
You know, let's do she's together
I don't have time for this. I need to get plywood
drive your truck car underneath the Canada I have a Honda Civic you don't
understand
okay well I cannot put any lumber I mean if you can get your lumber on top
your Honda Civic it's not my job buy you a car or whatever I'm not asking to buy
me a car jackass I'm asking you to do something to reinforce it
well I can we can probably find some rope or something you can tie it to how's
that going to keep how's it going to keep it from bending down to the canopy
the hood of the car under the canopy and then let's see if we can figure it
The
damn it fuck shit fucking shit I'm scared about the turkey I don't know
what to do
what do I do bring the car under the canopy and I'll be waiting there for you
of okay odd what color is the Honda Civic
is white okay bring it under the can it is white like your ass
just bring bring it under the canopy will do we can do for its white like
your ass
alright I'll do that thank you my yeah white like your stupid ass I hope you
drown
bring it under the canopy we can help you out alright I hope the hurricane
The Hurricane Blows You Away Into The Water
Are You Still In The Parking Lot Just Bring Your Car Under The Canopy We'll See We Can Do
I'm Here Right Now
Ok Bring It Under The Canopy Let's See We Can Do Ok
Come On Let's Go Let's Go
Let's Go Let's Go
Just Bring It Under The Canopy
Let's Go Motherfucker Let's Go
Just Bring It Under The Canopy
Alright I'll Bring It Down
Ok Yeah Bring It Under The Canopy
Can you put it in the back seat?
It's filled with orange stripe around it.
Can you, what?
Yeah, you called Home Depot.
You didn't call Lowe's.
Oh, shit.
Well, that's what the problem is.
Okay.
All right, so Home Depot, you have wood still?
Yeah, just, but if you're at Lowe's, they've got some under the canopy.
You can just pull it over.
I was just over there.
What were you doing over there?
Because it's right next door.
Were you scoping out the prices, being a little sneaky spy?
No, we're not that busy.
You better not.
You hear me? You stay over there on your side, motherfucker, you.
I'm glad they record all these things. It's funny as hell.
Well, I'm glad to record this too, asshole.
Yeah, thanks for using all that nice language with us.
Shit, fuck, cunt, vagina, labia.
Come on, eat them up.
Ejaculation.
Call back any time.
All right, buddy. Hey, is Larry there?
Uh, no.
You know who I'm talking about?
No, I don't know. I didn't even know that Larry works in this store. Do you know Larry?
No, I don't.
I've got three people that have worked in a store next to me listening to this that have been here since day one.
Yeah, but they're women.
One of them is. Hello, see.
Put her on.
He can hear you. I have it on speaker. We're blasting over the whole store because there's nobody in here.
You're a stupid woman.
You hear that, Loci?
Sounds like he likes you.
All right, I like you. Yeah, go fuck yourselves. Go to hell. Go to the hell.
Asshole.
So all the Kmart's closed.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Press 2
For pickup, press 3
For Kelly, press 4
To speak to an associate, press 0
I don't know what he said, it couldn't be Kelly
It's the same voice in all the places
Listen, I was just at Lowe's
I was at the Lowe's and they ran out of plywood
Hello?
Yeah, you just called Walmart
We don't have plywood
Do you have or do you have desks and stuff there though? We have yes, but the desks are pressed wood
Yeah, but it's something right? I mean, I don't know what to do. I can't find any plywood in town
My wife's yelling at me carrying on do this do that get the effin
Stuff get the effing windows covered up here. We're not from here. You understand. We're from Minnesota. We never seen a hurricane before
We don't know what to do. Are we gonna die if we don't have it? Are you in the house? Well, we're on an Airbnb
And we've been trying to contact the owners and they won't say S-H-I-T to us, you know?
And we're Christians.
What kind of windows do you have?
I'm having heart palpitations and, like, my left arm is numb and tingling.
What kind of windows do you have?
Glass windows, I don't know.
I mean, they're just, like, big.
Is it jealousy?
It's big windows.
They're, like, they got, like, a tic-tac-toe board in the middle, you know?
It looks like a tic-tac-toe board.
Okay, hang on.
I can't use the fridge.
This is probably copyright.
Let me tell you something that really pissed me off, Milkman.
You know how we have...
We lost you like that.
Yeah, listen, motherfucker, Milkman.
I got so mad.
You know, the last show that we did?
You know I don't play music.
I don't play music.
I do everything I can.
Let's keep YouTube happy, right?
We're on YouTube right now.
We gotta get our...
Which I really hate to see.
It really bites my ass.
I can only play it a little bit,
but guess what sound effect got flagged
and demonetized the video?
This one right here.
This one right here from the Jerky Boys got us demonetized.
Shut up. Shut up. Hello?
Oh, come on.
Tape the windows. That's like 1980s crap. What's that going to do?
I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want to put it up.
I need to put up wood.
How many...
You got desks there, don't you?
Come on, he hung up on me.
Motherfucker, man.
I need wood.
I hung up on Milkman.
Oh, shit.
I like that guy that talks all over my prank calls.
Let me try to call him back.
He just talks, talks, talks.
I was trying to talk to Milkman last night, and he says, I'm trying to talk, and he just tucks right over me.
Goddamn, you little fucking shit.
I just turn his ass down sometimes.
Gotta love him, though. Gotta love him.
Gotta love him.
I hit the wrong one. I'm a stupid. I hit the wrong one. Take it easy.
Oh, okay, so it wasn't a drop in. Okay, all right, it was a fast thing.
Fat Carlito Fat Ass Fat Finger
Thanks for making me look good Milkman
Let's call Walmart one last time
about them desks
And then we'll take a break for our
you know where I give out
the links to people that give me money
I want to buy a Playstation 4
Butcher
和可管
and i need that
i need a playstation 4
We appreciate your business and look forward to the oppurtunity to serve you in our store
For pharmacy press 1
Was it 0?
for electronics press 2
No
for pick up press 3
No
for delhi press 4
No
3
for pick up
wait a minute i got an idea now
to repeat this video press 2
okay i'm gonna play really stupid here
you prolly know where i'm going with this
huh
huh
Oh, it was a bad echo machine.
Bad echo machine.
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
Can you call me this morning?
Are you calling Martin?
I can't hear you.
Can you call me this morning?
The phone's messed up.
The phone's messed up.
I'll be back.
Jesus.
Milkman, are you there?
Hello?
Hi.
Oh, shit.
It was Milkman.
Hey, listen.
This is pickup.
Oh, you want pickup today?
Hang on.
Well, yeah.
I need a pickup.
I need a pickup.
I need to get a pickup for plywood.
We don't have plywood, sir.
I told you that before.
No, but listen.
If I can just...
He's hung up right up on me.
You hung right up on me like a motherfucker.
You had a really bad echo coming from your side, so I decided to reset the call, motherfucker.
We're calling a different Walmart.
It's okay, honey baby.
It's okay, little teepee.
I hope you're all enjoying the show.
This is Carlito Madhouse Radio with Milkman.
In theory, that's a man.
I'm told.
You ever been in a hurricane before?
Hang on, let me ask you this, Milkman.
Why is it?
I was under the impression that hurricanes in the Pacific were called typhoons, but they're calling this a hurricane. Is there a reason, do you think, for that? Do you think that a hurricane strikes more fear in the hearts of men, so they decided to switch that rule? It was always typhoons, I think.
Typhoons are Japanese terms.
Yeah, but I was always under the impression that typhoons...
Why it is, why, you know, maybe the Japanese call it typhoon, but people probably wouldn't understand what a typhoon is if they say hurricane.
Milkman, but I'm saying that forever, they've always said typhoons hitting Hawaii.
They've always said if a hurricane is called a typhoon in the Pacific.
Oh, come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Oh, you're stupid.
You're stupid.
We're old and we actually know.
I don't know. Young people tell them in general, man.
I guarantee you most people don't know.
They wouldn't even know it's a Japanese word.
Don't insult the good people of Hawaii.
Hawaiian people are definitely mostly Japanese in defense.
Well, they're stupid. They're stupid. They're stupid monkeys. Sorry.
Typhoon spam.
I'm sorry. I know you're half Japanese.
Why do you always make fun of my Amish frickin' heritage?
How are you Amish? How is that possible?
You always come up with something here.
You know I'm Amish?
Amish
24 hour
24 Hour
We're gonna close 12 o'clock tonight
and then
at 9am
and then we close at 12 midnight
We open Friday morning
5am
Hello
Are you really gonna open or you're just thinking
No we're gonna open
Oh man
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
We don't we don't do services for that. Come on. Come on, please. I know it says right here. You have pickup. Please just let me
Is there pickup meaning it's for pickup your items that are ordered online?
I just went by right there and I saw there's a few pickups in the parking lot. Obviously one of those I can use right?
I mean, oh, come on. Walmart does not provide pickup services. Then what are all these pickups here doing in the parking lot here?
It's for, it's for, listen, those are for, um, those are for, they're not with the company. We don't own them. Those, they're there because it's, um, for shelter reasons, because of this hurricane.
Man, but, okay, it even says automotive here. Like, I'm looking, it says auto center?
Yeah, they're not, they're not, those trucks are not associated with Walmart company.
Shit. You know, I'm getting real mad. I'm going to start kicking cars here until you, you better do it right now.
Go ahead.
Fine.
Can you turn off this alarm on your pickup here? Hello? Hello? Okay, I don't know if she believes that or not
But it is what it is milk, man. I need a pick up
That was on the fly that was on the flying machine, yeah, I just pulled
Madhouse Live
Yeah, Homer was on camera up until the show started and he stopped.
I bought Homer bait. Hang on.
Listen, if I take a plastic bag, I got a bag of chips.
Shh, don't tell the wife. She'll be mad because of a heart attack.
Doctor said if I keep eating like this, but what's he know?
Fucking doctors, right, Milkman?
Well, if you smack him on the ass and record it, you got a new recording.
You can replace the jerky.
You can go jerk yourself off, Homer.
Come here, buddy.
Come here, buddy.
Come here, masturbator.
Madhouse Live
Hey buddy, everyone look at Homer right now on YouTube. Look at that sad boy.
Alright, Madhouse, facebook.com forward slash Madhouse Live.
My name is Carlito Cross on Facebook, add me.
If you're friends with anyone else in the prank call community, you can find me there probably.
Please support the show over at patreon.com forward slash Madhouse.
That's patreon.com forward slash Madhouse.
We got rewards for your ass.
If you're a $1 contributor, $1 a month, gets Netsu Militia Membership.
You become a Militia Member status, the Madhouse Militia.
which Milkman is the leader of
he's the
he's the commandante of that
you get access to the instant show reel
which is a Dropbox link
you need a Dropbox account
and
the
this show when it's over
as soon as it's done
gets uploaded to that Dropbox
in 128k
mp3
unedited from beginning to end
so if you miss the show
or if you want
if you want to have a copy with
you know all the crazy shit in there
that happens
you know the stuff that you might miss
on the podcast
you get to
you get that right there
Madhouse Live
Discord.gg forward slash pranks
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PrankDose.com
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call now for information on Hurricane Dingbat
Yeah, Noah. That's Longbeard.
I'll call him. I'll be like, where's your god now?
No, wait a minute. I'm confusing Moses and Noah. Oh my god, they look the same to me, you know?
White guy, beard.
Hello. Thank you for calling KHON2. If you know your party's extension, you may dial it at any time.
Okay, honey.
Okay, honey.
Thank you. The same director.
Quiet, quiet, quiet.
For the sales department, press 1. For the sales department, press 2. For accounting and administration...
I hear the options calling you. This is happening again.
KHON?
Hi, I have a question.
Is this line available if I have questions about the hurricane?
I'm from Arizona. I've never lived in one.
I'm on Iwa Beach, I guess it's called.
Papipi Road.
And I'm kind of scared.
Is there a meteorologist or someone in that department I can talk to?
Our weather guy is on air right now.
Do you have a phonebook?
Let me ask you this.
First of all, I thought these were called typhoons.
What happened?
No, here it's called hurricanes.
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Distant, where I'm from in Minnesota, on our news station, we have Channel 6 on your side, where they help you in cases like this.
Can you, is that guy available, maybe, to help me out, to get some plywood or something?
We don't have anybody available to do that.
Come on, honey baby, come on.
This is a...
Well, you have the information, you're the keepers of the information.
Right, and so there are shelters available if you need a place to go.
Yeah, but I mean, it's like dirty people there, right?
No, not necessarily.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
5396-6884
A major reason is that I haven't, I usually reformat my hard drive and get a fresh Windows install
Um, every, about every six months
Hey Milkman, we're back
I didn't even notice you dropped, buddy, I don't know what happened
Sorry, buddy, that's my fault, I take responsibility
No, the news lady was not happy that I said that my neighbor made squinty eyes and said watch out for those kanakas
And he did the squinty eyes
Really, I missed all that, oh I missed it, oh no
Madhouse Radio
Major Tinnitus
Major Tinnitus
Have you ever lived through a hurricane would it scare you or have you been scared by one?
I have not man. I'm up north by the Great Lakes, so I don't really have a lot of that going on. Okay
Okay, is there anything bad that happened when you get some snow that some pussy snow is that all there's nothing crazy up there
Yeah, pretty much. No, we're safe and timid. Well, that's how do you live in that cold motherfucker?
No
Call Nation Madhouse Live
What island are you on?
I'm on, uh, do you know where Papipi Road is?
No, I don't. Not off the top of my head.
What, you know what island it is?
All I know is it's Eva Beach.
Eva Beach.
Okay, you're on Oahu.
Oh, shh, is that where I'm at? Okay, yeah.
I just got here to Airbnb, and we contacted the owner, letting them know,
hey, like, what do we do?
And the guy, he said you're F'd.
He said F-U-C-K'd us.
He said, you're F-U-C-K-E-D, he said.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
6884
6884 and what's your name?
It rings here but the problem is
that it's like his business
so it says like front reception I guess
when you call but that's it. It rings
here though. Oh that's his
phone number for the house
that you're at. Yeah because
ourself we have a service
it doesn't work. We have Guardian
Mobile from Minnesota and
they don't have any towers here. They're a small company.
Right. We're from the middle of nowhere. I don't know
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
um uh lately what was i listening to today oh shit um honestly today was all uh google play
music there's a channel there there's a station on there called uh what is it uh old school
instrumentals like no lyrics just old school instrumentals they're pretty like some kind of
very cool that was pretty cool um i do hate to say that i was listening to armin van buren's
latest episode of his show yesterday i do like edm it's one of my guilty pleasures i listen to
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Carlito Laugh Track
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
9966884
That was very nice of him to say.
Good job, Mike.
Read that first number, dude.
There's that first number.
It's already off to a great start at Parkman Center, man.
Read that one.
All right, so...
Engineering.
Okay.
Engineering.
I like the premise.
Read the premise.
Call before 8.
All right, I'll try, but he said call before 8.
They may be closed machine, you know?
Is that your time?
He may have meant my...
Oh, I don't know.
See, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know how he operates.
Let's see.
We got a caller calling in, but I got to do this print.
Thank you for calling Wood Rogers. If you know your party's extension, please press 9. For a company directory by name, please press pound. To leave a general message with your name and contact information, press 1. Thank you.
I waited too long. The idea was to call about a horse machine, mechanical horse to capture horse semen. Damn it, that would have been a good idea. Did I lose milk? I lost the milk.
Shit!
Hello, caller. How are you?
Mike E. G. from the Bronx
what's up kid
what's up big Bronx
how you doing man
what's going on
did you guys hear that new
Hanson record
that shit is all dude
have you
have you heard the new Django Reinhardt
the new Django Reinhardt record
no Django Reinhardt
What is this? Is this some kind of funky rap?
At the tone, please record your message.
I'm trying to get Milkman on the line here.
Oh, yeah. No, actually, Milkman likes some old dude.
He's probably like 100 years old now.
Yeah, he's like, what's happening over there?
He's got the best guitar solo.
He's got two fingers.
It's like from an old show I was listening to.
Two fingers?
Is he talking about a real dude?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gypsy Jazz.
At the tone, please record your message.
Gypsy Jazz.
When you've finished recording, you may hang up.
Oh, shit.
I straight up lost Milkman.
Like, oh, man.
And my cell phone battery's down to, oh, 13.
I thought it said 2%.
You listen to any of that hip-hop?
Any of that hip-hop?
That new shit?
Uh, you know, the new hip-hop really throws me for a loop.
I like, you know, dude, like Kendrick Lamar is pretty good, I think.
Like, you know, I like the...
The beats are good.
Yeah, I like the BMS.
The beats are good, but, man, just the rapping about, I don't know, it's really getting out of hand now, man.
The mumble
The mumble
Yeah
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da
Like get the fuck outta here
I heard Snoop talking somewhere
He was like
Yeah these
Hello
Milkman
Hello
Hey I'm calling you
From the cell phone
You dropped out
But you weren't picking up
When I was calling you
Are you ready?
No my phone
I died man
Alright you piece of shit
I'm gonna call you back
From the machine now
Alright
Don't be alarmed
Okay I'm sorry
It's alright
You horse
Hurry the fuck up
Hurry the fuck up
I was listening to Django Reinhardt, man.
What did you say? He's a guitar guy? Is that what's going on with that guy?
He's a guitar guy.
Hey, Milkman, you know who Django Roach is?
Huh?
We got Mikey D from the Bronx, right? Is that where you are?
Yeah, Mikey G.
Mikey G from the Bronx.
Mike B, my brother from the Bronx.
How's it going, man?
Hermano Milkman.
What's up, bro?
Milkman, what?
All right, bro.
Good to hear you, man.
Did you tell me, did you talk about a two-fingered guitarist once named, what is it, Gypsy Red?
Django Reinhardt, man.
He's like the god of music, man.
You know Django Reinhardt.
Yeah, it is.
Nice.
Because I was like, actually, that guy is pretty good if you're into jazz, though.
You got to have a head for that shit.
You know what I mean?
You do.
Matt Baz Milkman
8 o'clock
Maybe I'll call these next week.
It's 8 o'clock once.
Alright, this is Bikini.
Oh, I thought you guys would be closed.
Thank God you're open.
Hello?
How can I help you?
Yeah, listen, I'm in charge of this guy named Mikey.
He's in town.
I'm supposed to show him a good time.
He likes golf.
Yeah.
That's me.
Yeah.
What kind of caddies do you have there?
You might be on the wrong golf course because we don't have a caddy here.
You don't have golf caddies there?
You got to carry your own shit then?
Are there any Mexicans that work there maybe?
Do you want to make a buck?
I shouldn't have cursed.
Why did I curse?
That's what Milkman says.
Don't curse, man.
You can't curse at the beginning.
Don't curse in the pot, buddy.
Don't curse in the pot.
My wife was cursing in Spanish.
Maybe it was that.
Probably.
Dominican.
Oh man, yeah, you probably got some fun fights
You're better off just not pissing off your wife is what you got to do
She'll break your cock
But that's not Caribbean, I know, that's Puerto Rican
That's not, yeah, but she knows what it means
Because she watches Univision, she probably watched Sabo de Gigante as a kid
Is your wife there? Ask her if she used to watch Sabo de Gigante
She did
Batchi
Annie
Do you know Don Francisco?
Sabadej
Do you ever watch
I'm talking to you
Nicole
Hey Nicole
Dímelo
Que lo que
La negra
Mi pochita negra
Do you know Sabadej
What is it
I'm looking at you
Go now
Hi
Hola negra
Mua
Hola tan linda
Mua
Oh my god
She won't answer your questions. You need to throw it while we connect your call to you know extension
What is it called?
You know she knows it. Oh good. Good does she miss it ask her she misses it
All right to extra on you to extra on you mucho. How do I go I got there?
Does she did she ever watch did she ever watch cabrona de las seis?
Do you ever watch cabrona de la face?
I'm talking to my friend Puerto Rican so don't get mad don't be mad you know big she loves what we have some good Puerto Rican friends though I hate the
Puerto Rican no you don't yeah you guys love each other Mike say hi to Nicole hi Nicole hello
hello I'm just talking to some family you there bikini model judge what it's like I'm sorry I'm
enjoying it I thought they picked up at the line they were recalling it's taking too long though
I was supposed to say, right? What are you talking to?
No, then she's FaceTiming her cousin over there in DR, and then that's why it's all...
And then Milkman's in the back, he's fucking talking up a storm.
Milkman doesn't like Dominicans. He's from the Puerto Rican side.
There's beef, I don't know if you knew, but there's...
Because they're... Alright, the saying is that...
The mofongo.
The saying is that the Mexicans are California like the Dominicans in Puerto Rico, I guess.
That's kind of like, yeah, I don't believe that.
Dominicans are racist.
You know what they say?
That they're white.
Puerto Ricans are American.
They say they're white.
All right, so listen.
No, they say, what are you, a fucking Haitian?
That's what they all say, you fucking Haitian.
That's like the biggest thing.
All right, so is your wife dark-skinned Dominican or white-skinned Dominican?
Can you share?
Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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I've got his business card here somewhere.
And it was like he was circling the waters like a shark, you know what I mean?
And I was just like, that's a great call, man.
You should put that as a single thing on YouTube.
You think so? Just the call to him?
I thought it was kind of long.
That was my whole concern about doing that.
Okay.
There's another one where...
No, I'm just saying it's taking too long.
I'm going to the next one here.
Custom bra online retailer.
Okay, custom bras.
There's another one you're saying?
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I think I'm having it develop it she developed them from her embryo logical
tissue and at puberty her estrogens in conjunction with growth hormones caused
her caused her breasts to develop all right I'm worried about getting flagged
on YouTube and not making my 30 cents this week so I gotta keep it doesn't
work I tried it it doesn't work yeah it sucks we can't play that place all
Call Rosenberg Falling Down And Hitting The Dog Anymore Into The Pole
Because Fuckin'
We'll Go Make Our Own, Dude
We'll Go Make Our Own
Yeah, We'll Just Still Flag It
That Sounds Too Much Like Jerk
That Sounds Too Much Like Jerk, Boy
That's What The YouTube Computer Is Gonna Say
I'll Call Back
I Don't Wanna Make Homer Squeal
You're My Boy
God Damn The Floor
If you would like to request a callback, please press 2.
I blame UMG Music Group, wherever the fuck they are, UMG Music Group, fucking shit, I
don't, can I, I mean, I hope I can at least play a little bit of it here and there, like
a little, not the full, I think it's a place for so long, maybe, I met one of the lawyers
that suits for those songs, like, like the rights, I met one of them, yeah, copyright
lawyer, like you, you're, was it, you did an Uber for this person, yeah, he was a big
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Mike EG
yeah guys have fun man thanks for everything milkman Django Reinhardt be
good yeah hey I was just kidding about Dominican stuff I'm sorry I'm not like that man I'm just
I'm just kidding making fun all right it's more like people from there if you're from there and
you're from there like like that those people are friendly but it's when those people from there
El Presidente
El Presidente Beer
El Presidente
El Presidente
Hell yeah
You gotta put some
Clamato in that shit
That's what's up
Alright I'm gonna let you go
Get the fuck out
Bato
Maricón
Puto
Alright
Cabron
Cabron
La cabrona de la 6
That was
I said
Does she watch
The slut of
The 6 o'clock slut
Is what I asked
I just made that up
Does she watch
And
C-S-M-A-T
Did you ever watch
the six o'clock
slut?
Alright everyone
Madhouse Radio
madhouse live dot com
is the website
we are making our way
talking about
breasts
and
and
hurricanes in Honolulu
and
and
breasts
and breasts
there you go
there's two of them
breasts and bosoms
bosoms and breasts
alright
we got a drug testing center
here we go
we got a call
let's take this call
let's take this call
caller you're on the air
please be respectful
hello
Hey Carlito it's Brendan
Hey Brendan what's up man
How you doing big Brendan
I'm alright I sent you some Hawaiian numbers
On the Facebook
Okay good do you think they're
I mean do you think they're open did you
They're grocery stores
And then I think one's an animal hospital
Which I called and they were still open
Ah yes good
Good animal hospitals are important
We lost Milkman
Hey how you doing honey baby
Hello
Hi, um, I'm just wondering, um, uh, when I come in, like, is there a, like an inspection of my body at all?
Uh, who are you taking it for?
Uh, well, it's my drug test. I have to.
I know, but who are you taking the drug test for?
Uh, it's for a, uh, job.
Okay, what company?
Uh, Cross and Associates.
Cross and Associates?
Cross. Cross.
Cross and Associates?
Yeah.
Do you have the paperwork with you?
Um, no, I have to pick it up and then I gotta, I gotta get it done.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Okay, whatever.
Oh, Jesus.
That was awesome.
It's true, though, right?
I mean, that's what it has to be.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's get Milkman here.
Damn it.
He dropped out of 15 minutes, 30 seconds.
I think the fucking thing is happening again with the 15 minutes again.
Shit.
And that fucking buzz.
When was the last time you had to take a drug test, Carlito, for a job?
Yikes.
2008.
Hey, how you doing?
Hey, Big Milkman.
I tried calling in on that number, and it wouldn't go.
It dropped you right at 15 minutes again.
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
Well, I remember listening to old shows of you calling the tax report people, and I actually started doing it myself, but they're like, they're like onto it. They know if you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, they got a lot of calls from the community.
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Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
Madhouse Live
Talk to not women right now?
Okay.
Oh, boy.
Yay for me.
Yay for me.
Hey.
Hey.
Do you still have Charlie's number?
Oh, we can try to call it.
Let's see.
From what I understand, he doesn't really pick up on it more.
Who's our caller on the line?
I didn't catch the name.
I lost him.
This is Brendan.
No, man.
Brendan.
Brendan.
What's up, brother?
What up, Milky?
I'm good.
milky liquor do drop in
let's see what we got
closed
closed
they closed
it's
no but if I know
if I know correctly
it always forwards to his cell phone
let's see
or the wife's cell phone I think
that's how they got his cell phone number
our evil Artie and Lonesome Loser
they figured it out
those two called me once
real excited when I was out
because I had all this
all these surgeries going on
and Artie and Lonesome will call me
to cheer me up
and we do pranks
and they're like
we got Charlie's cell phone number
like really
I
Man I kicked the cable I kicked the cable
I was about to say and I couldn't hear anything and I then I can't find the fucking cable
And what happened to Charlie say anything? I heard him pick up and I kick
God damn it. God damn it. Yeah, son of a
The One Other Hawaiian Call
Madhouse Live
Have another slug of milk now make an executive having an Irish milk probably
Did you see the first call on there?
August is filet mignon month. Yeah all month long
We're celebrating the super tender steak that made us famous with delicious new filet mignon selections and specials on filet mignon steaks
Roasts and more ask your representative about what number is that Omaha steaks all may be monitored and recorded
Ugh!
You're missing something, Amogus!
Come on, man.
You know he positive.
I'm on the wrong spot.
Come on, here it goes.
It's a good show so far, huh?
What was the title?
What did I say?
What did I say for the title of the show?
I forgot already.
ShHhhhht.
Let's see.
Jazz in the Mouth.
Jazz in the Mouth.
Hot jazz in the mouth.
Hot jazz in the mouth.
Hot jazz in the mouth.
If you'd like to keep your pinnacle as a pick and receive a call from an Omaha stupid
representative, please press 8.
Your phone number is...
Can you wait?
Yeah, for 10 minutes
Here's a caller and then we'll do a prank don't worry. I'm dead man. Thanks for calling. Milkman control setter
How can I help you? Hi? It's UK Godfather. You can't go
dumb shit you
Yeah, UK. Godfather. Hello, man. Hey, do you wear bra?
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman
Press the call back, please press two.
Oh, they got a whole ton of the bra, sir.
Hello?
Do you want to call me?
Hello?
My name is Chelsea.
How can I help you?
Hey, Big Chelsea.
I'm calling, ordering my girlfriend a bra.
Okay.
Are you wanting to place a new standard order?
Oh, yeah, for my girlfriend's breasts.
To cover them with a bra?
Yeah.
She says she needs to for her job.
Okay, may I place one just a brief hold?
Why?
I have to speak with my supervisor for just a second.
About what?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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What is wrong with you guys?
Milkman and Parkman coming up with these nasty-ass ideas for pranks sometimes.
That's something I don't like to talk about.
It's definitely their motto.
That's related to our company, because if not, I'm going to have to end this.
Well, I've been waiting.
I had to make an order.
You said you had to talk to your supervisor.
What's going on?
I am a supervisor.
Okay, so let's take my order.
Why am I talking to you anyway?
Um.
What would you like to order today?
Okay, do you know what fries you would like to order?
Hello?
Yes, I'm waiting to get some information.
Yeah, okay, so then, I'm sorry, I thought you hung up on me.
So both...
No, I'm still here.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call the pizza company
At the tone, please record your message
When you've finished recording, you may hang up
I hear you, big guy
So you sent that on Facebook, is it?
The Bristol scale is how they rate your shit and your poo.
And I didn't know the term slapper means like a loose woman. Is that correct?
I don't know that term.
You never heard like you call a woman a slapper? I heard that. That was a big thing in British.
That they called a woman a slapper. If she's a whore, I should have called Milkman first.
Yeah, hi, I wanted to make an order.
I like to make an order, please. All right one pizza machine one pizza
Yeah, all right gonna change the number, okay, all right, I'm sorry, yes, sir. Yes, sir
Okay, I'm just telling you because it's happening back to the same pattern. All right, right back on the other line
Okay. All right. Bye. Yeah, we want to order a pizza, please
Damn it. Listen and I'll call them back. Don't worry. Don't worry. We'll call milkman. We'll get to the bottom of that
I gotta call Milkman first, so the rain doesn't confuse the fucking stupid people in the UK, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So what did you do this week, man? What'd you eat?
You have a lot of good proteins? Good protein options today?
What have I done today? I've been sleeping.
Why? Why do you sleep so much?
I mean, holy shit, dude. What time is it over there? One in the morning?
Sadly, not with my partner, but just lots of social media for my work.
Okay, alright.
Yeah.
Good, good. I guess work is good, right?
Yeah, you know, keep holding it down in the horse machine ranch, man.
You know, just a lot of chores I got to do here.
We're coming up on harvest here in a couple months,
so we need about one more good rain to harvest this corn, I think.
No, this is Milkman pizza.
Cut Milkman, you bitch.
Hey, motherfucker. Yeah, I got you.
There you go.
All right, stay here.
Yeah, I'll play this one.
Sorry to shoot there.
Stay here.
Sorry about that.
Stay here, stay here, stay here, stay here.
Alright, good.
No problem.
We're going back to the...
And we gotta take our break soon there, big guy.
I'm sorry, but we're gonna call...
We're gonna call UK Godfather's number again.
The pizza delivery...
UK Godfather, do you want to take it away?
I mean, you like the pizza?
Yeah, yeah, I'll give it, guys.
Okay.
Alright, do the funny.
Make it real funny.
Real funny, motherfucker.
It better be funny, motherfucker.
I'll throw you out in the hurricane.
Call up.
Hi.
Hi, what's the largest pizza you do?
Hello?
Sorry?
What's your largest pizza?
Fourteen inches
Fourteen inches?
How much is that?
Yeah
Twenty dollars?
Twenty dollars?
Sorry?
Is that twenty dollars?
Where are you calling from?
Bristol
Collection or delivery?
Uh, collection please
Panic Chop?
Yeah, collection
Hello?
Hello, hiya
Are you stupid or something?
Collection
Hello?
Hello?
Yeah, I want to make an order for collection
We're in Bristol, let's go, let's go
Hello! Hello! God damn it! Hello!
Fucking spastic! Hey, you spastic!
You gonna take the order or not?
Fuck you! Fuck you!
You think they were Indian? Or were they Pakis? I think they were Pakis, as you people say.
Italian? Well, I know a piece of Italian. Why are you being like that? Why do you say that? That would really hurt my feelings now.
Chicken Restaurant
I'm sorry
I'm in a mood right now
I'm really angry at the world
and I'm really angry
at someone on this line
right now
who's not UK Godfather
I'm kidding
UK Godfather
it's good to have you on
don't go anywhere
I dropped the line again
no you didn't
have you spoken
to the UK Ted lately
no I saw him
what was he saying
he was saying something
on Facebook
and I made a crude remark
and I don't think
he appreciated it
but I can't remember
what it was
he said something
yeah he's out there
or if UK Ted's listening
Hey, and Jin Stewart with him. Yeah, Jin Stewart. I don't know that guy. He told me I got to sleep
I can't do the new show at the new time. It's I gotta sleep
We're calling your chicken restaurant. Hello
Select to order a chicken. Yeah chicken. Yeah, can I order a chicken before collection a delivery a collection, please?
Okay, so how many pieces of chicken at one?
One piece of chicken one piece of chicken and one tip yeah yeah yeah and
how how long does that take oh sorry how much is a chicken three pounds order 20
cans of coke 20 yeah to zero right to zero zero yeah okay good that's fine no
No problem
Pepsi Max
What's that?
Drink
Maximum drink
Okay
So can you repeat the order to me again?
Sorry
One piece of chicken with chips
Yeah
And 20 max
Okay
Yeah that's good
And so one chicken
One piece of chicken
And one piece of chip
Yeah yeah yeah
Exactly
And what's your address?
Say it
1 E Y
11 Triangle
Ah yeah yeah yeah
Can I ask a question?
Can I ask you a question? Can you give me the phone, motherfucker, you?
Hello? Listen.
Hello?
Yeah, do you have the shit in the toilet?
Whatever. I was...
I gotta take a break, man. I gotta go on break.
Playing no games.
Yeah, I gotta go on break, man.
Alright, so...
Okay.
You thank you. Thank yourself for calling.
No worries.
Thank you for the numbers. I will call V-Cars because I love V-Cars.
And David Lee...
Get them to drive to somewhere I can't give you an address
Well give me your address on Facebook I'll send them there
Alright and then you take pictures
You come out you're like you motherfuckers
You fucking Canadian motherfuckers
You go out there right and you yell at them
Yeah I'm not sending them to my house
Well I will I got your information here
Alright they'll see you there soon
We'll talk to you later alright
Bye
I gotta take that break
Break Milkman
Please call the guys
I'll call them
I'll do another call
And then we'll take a break
We'll come back
We'll do more show
Yeah don't call in that
Cause the calling won't work
You can't call shit now motherfucker
We're gonna do one more call here
One minuto por favor
You don't need insurance company
Dude yeah yeah that's next
www.allianztravel.com
Travelinsurance.com
That's A-L-L-I-A-N-C
Travelinsurance.com
That's it.
Okay, great.
Okay, I'll try that when we come back, man.
Because that shit's really pissing me off right now, Milkman.
You goddammit.
Goddammit.
When we come back, when we come back, we're going to order more bras.
Madhouse Live
Prank station in the nation Prank call nation
Madhouse Radio
will be back
right after this
you know what
I hope
that when you die
they put your GPS
in your box
and a trap door
at the bottom
so when you die
you open up
trap door at the bottom
you check the GPS
and you go
straight down
to the hell
Madhouse Radio
is back
you are bigger
than a woman
you are better
Do not let a woman do not let a woman will ever ever make you who you are
Welcome to Madhouse Radio, I am here with Milkman Milkman and Holla.
Thanks big guy thank you thank you I appreciate you being appreciative of my call everyone be sure
to head over to patreon.com forward slash madhouse or madhouse live.com slash donate for a one-time
donation we'd appreciate it keep the lights running here in the madhouse compound and let's
Get your subscription, man. Mucho gracias.
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Oh shit. Let's at least get our thing. You know, the thing where the person dies. What's it called? Obituary. Obituary guy left an obituary earlier in the week. If I can find it here in his big list of fucking...
Oh, here's a woman that claims cabin crewmate jokes after man talk masturbating next to her.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here. Listen. Listen.
David Carradine was found dead at the age of 72 in the closet of a Bangkok hotel room Thursday, June 3, 2009, with a cord wrapped around his neck and genitals, leading the Thai police to suspect his death was not a suicide, but an accident resulting from dangerous sex practice.
Caridin was best known for his role in the 1970s television drama Kung Fu and movies Kill Bill and Kill Bill 2.
Well, what about Kung Fu the Legend Continues?
Let's not forget about that.
I used to watch that every Saturday, Sunday morning at 12 midnight after 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock in the morning
after Saturday Night Live was done.
David Carradine was also known to have carried on an incestuous relationship with a very close family member.
Huh?
One friend, David Winters, stated,
I've just been told that possibly his hands were tied in either the front or the back
and that there was something in his mouth, stuffed in his mouth.
and then the rope that is used with the curtains to tie his neck together damn dude so yeah i thought
he just died of self-asphyxiation where he was jerking it and died but now so man i totally
forgot about that man yeah so do you think who was it the yakuza was it the the illuminati
he was on the air game and it went wrong that's the way it was set up to look
huh probably fake you're right probably fake probably fake motherfucker man rest in peace
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The Amish African American Combination
Yeah, yeah, that sounds great. That sounds nice.
How do you get the result?
Yeah, as a result of a rape, apparently, probably.
Sorry, that's kind of fucked up.
Judge, the result of an Amish woman being raped in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
I don't know how it happened. All I know is that it was just really hot, and that's another result.
Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
Morgan on it. I told you today, the development we're doing.
Hi, this is the arcade.
Okay, alright. Do you do a background check if I come to eat there?
A background check for eating here?
Yeah.
Absolutely not.
Should we?
Good.
Do you need a background check?
Well, I'm just rubbing my thighs as I'm saying this.
This is a step up from repairing broken vibrators and sibians.
Are you guys okay with hitting single moms and hitting on single moms and stuff there?
Get a Lot of Military Wives
Do You Get a Lot of Military Members There?
Any Veterans?
Veteran Discounts or Anything like that?
We do. Every Monday we get Military Discounts.
10% off all purchases at the cashier station.
Oh, yeah.
Do your computer machines use tokens or quarters?
We use tokens.
How many coconuts do you trade for a token?
Yeah, because I don't know what kind of money you use in this country.
What do you call them?
What's the conversion?
U.S. to U.S. Texas
Oh, okay, yeah, but it's not like really United States.
I know you guys have like your own president here and your own money system.
Education?
Uh, yeah, obviously.
Okay, so U.S. Texas
That's very nice. That's very nice.
Yeah.
Alright, so my neighbor here, he's American, he's from Texas,
and he was telling me, like, he said I had to be careful for those people,
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Call me voted for Trump
I retract that last statement
Hot jazz in your mouth Milkman
Hot jazz in your mouth buddy
Hello caller you're on the air
But we're doing a call so you know
Be good
You have echo
Motherfucker you get out of here
Hello yeah hi
Hi, is this the arcade?
What arcade?
Uh, Chuck E... Chuck E. Cheese.
No? This isn't an arcade?
This is the pizza?
What is this?
Okay, so, are you saying that Donald Trump is your president, too?
That's what I said. I retracted. I knew that was going to be directed.
Oh, new song.
Oh, shit. Bad idea.
Yep-er. All right, we got another job in Guam.
This one's in a hotel, I think?
His name was Uncle Sambo.
This song goes out to Dwight McClanahan, McCranky Pants, Dwight McCranky Pants, and Milkman, we gotta start a fire, right? That's what I'm saying, we gotta start a fire.
What's with me and the snorting tonight? Have you heard me doing this? I've been doing this, so I don't usually snort like that. I'm just sitting there. God damn, I sound like Dobby. Dobby Cat. Dobby snorts like that. Let's get a caller here. Caller, you're on the air. You better not have an echo, motherfucker, you.
Hello?
Just keep trying to call that ethics hotline back.
I'll call it too.
Hey, who's this?
Hello?
Hello
Huey
Huey
Huey
Hello
Huey
Attention
Hello
Hey Milkman
Hey Carlito
Hey who's this
Identify yourself at once
Huey
Huey
Big Huey
Alright
I used to fly a flight
Huey
Down in Australia
Oh Huey
Yeah Huey
I'm through
I'm through
Motherfucker Huey
I'm through
I used to fly a Huey
I flew your ass in the Huey
That's stupid
I don't know what I'm talking about
We're calling Guam.
You guys are closer to Guam than we are.
How about that?
Hey, Huey, where's Dewey?
I left him in the crack house.
In the womb.
You don't have crack houses in Australia.
Get out of here.
Yeah, we've been in the movie Silent Running.
I was from the movie Silent Running.
Hello?
Do you need Polynesian dancers?
Hello?
Shit.
Milkman and Huey both talking all over the prank call.
What do you say there, Huey?
Yeah.
All right.
What time is it over there where you are?
Like 3 p.m. or something?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I know you're slow. It's all right. You have an epilepsy. It's okay. Don't worry about it
I know I know I was trying to play a prank on both of you cuz I'm
My beagles bigger than my ass
Me that me that this is the ethics hotline. Oh, okay. Did you read the story?
Yeah, the purpose of this line is to report concern on this thing
I was six forever or policy or other workplace misconduct blind by visiting. Well, that was great
It didn't I didn't have any number options milkman I had to sit there and listen to it milkman
Let me try it again. We're wasting time
Let's call some quick things motherfucker. We need quick quick. We're running out of time
fast fast fast I waited too long
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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All right. Thank you, my brother.
All right. See you later, mate. Bye.
Bye-bye.
I wonder if he ever gets raccoons over there.
He probably gets typhoons, big-ass typhoons there.
No, I don't think they get typhoons in the Southern Hemisphere.
That guy wasn't very helpful.
I tell you, you can tell he doesn't care about pets
and the disposition of the possible pets that may be hungry.
In the ass.
Yep.
Call that 7-Eleven down the street here.
I thought there was a 7-Eleven here, Coño. Where is it?
Man, I know I saw a 7-Eleven here.
Here, we'll call the Texaco instead.
Alright everyone, Hurricane.
The biggest hurricane in history, says that guy.
I heard it, I wasn't even going to hit them.
It's going to miss them.
They're just going to get some rain.
Yeah, remember I said I wanted to tape it to my leg or something?
Shit.
It was pretty funny, it was funny.
It was the best call of the night.
It wasn't the best call of the night.
It was a shit call.
Come on, Texaco.
We're gonna have to call from the call center here. We're gonna call. We're gonna try to get something we haven't done here in a while.
How does your bicycle seat smell?
Alright, we're calling 7-Eleven to do a thing we haven't done in a while.
Yeah.
Alright, let's see if we can get the heat.
Hot dogs with heat on the mouth. Yeah.
Turn on the bell. Is that a sound effect?
Oh yeah, that's a sound effect. That's a sound effect.
I was gonna tell you that and I got tinnitus finally.
Tinnitus. I'll turn it off. Stupid.
I wanted a different one and I can't find it.
7-Eleven, I'm gonna help you.
Hi I am calling from the corporate office with Southland
Hi Good Afternoon
Hi this is Ralph I am calling from the corporate office with Southland in Texas
Ok what is your current status there with the hurricane
Yeah do you have power is power functioning
Yeah everything is good
ok alright how are you on any essential supplies water anything we need to rush order
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I can't hear oh fuck yeah anymore, yeah.
Sorry, let's use the keypad.
I used to say oh fuck yeah all the time.
Or if you have any questions for the pharmacy, press 1.
For the- sorry, I can connect you to someone who can help.
To speak with the pharmacy, just press 1.
Or, to speak with someone else in the store, press 2.
Thanks for calling. Goodbye.
Aw, man.
Not bad!
God dammit.
She makes any responses hang up.
That's how I do my job.
Are you hitting the responses, Milkman, or is it me?
I'm not hitting them. Is that you?
I did. I hit twice because I thought, well, okay, I'll try it.
All right, all right, okay.
It didn't work.
Well, I don't think it won't know it's okay.
It doesn't pick yours up, but I presume it does, and then I don't do it, and then it makes it go.
All right, I won't do it again.
It's all right.
No, not this song.
I'm going to get flagged onto YouTube for playing this fucking song, this piece of shit.
Hello Hello yes hi this is Rex I'm calling from the corporate office in Pleasanton California
uh-huh we're calling to check your status we we have your location marked as a possible
weather emergency area and we wanted to check the status there please um okay so let me talk
to the managers one moment okay please the manager on duty what's their name oh wait wait
Wait, wait, we can't hear this.
Duh, shit.
Duh, fuck.
God damn fucking YouTube.
Fucking YouTube, man.
Fucking YouTube.
Screw you, YouTube.
Screw you, YouTube.
We love YouTube.
What are you talking about?
Man, I haven't been paying attention to YouTube.
Let's see if anyone bought some Super Chats.
We're going to be on hold for a while, aren't we?
Son of a bitch.
We got to keep this moving, man.
I guess.
Maybe.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
How do these people not know what their children sound like?
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Dirk Diggler
6-7-8
99 cents
is just as good as a dollar
you keep that penny for yourself
it'll pitch you
it's fine
alright
we gotta do more pranks
Dwight McClanahan
Dwight McClanahan
hey
I'm back
alright so
real quick here
let me go back to my list of numbers
make sure you don't miss any of these
Milkman you said I had
uh
the
what was it
the sheets
yeah
okay
there was another one
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Hello?
Hello?
Can I have your promo code and your zip code?
Yes, my promo code is S as in Sam, P as in Paul, the number three, R as in Randy, M as in Mary.
Really?
Yeah.
Man.
All right, cool.
That's cool.
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
She doesn't like sperm.
Yes, she does.
She just don't know it.
Hello, I want to thank you for calling in to Order Chic's Performance Bedding.
My name is Debra, and I'm going to help you get a better night's sleep, just like they
showed in that commercial.
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Dirk Diggler
I need to get a pair for Roller Girl.
What color would you like?
They come in, we have four colors.
We have your normal bright white.
We have graphite, which is like a nice gray color, kind of a medium density gray.
We have acrue, which is kind of a parchment color.
And we have navy, dark navy.
Shut up!
I'm going to go with dark navy because I want the stains to show up so I can show that I've actually been working.
So they don't try to, you know, lay me off.
Okay, and what credit card would you like to use today, Dirk?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The sound in the background is louder than your voice, I don't know if we can turn it up or down.
I'm working, I can't turn it down.
Okay, so the number I got as far as 4947 and then I couldn't hear anymore, what's the rest?
Yeah, 88069.
That works, expiration date?
Expiration? Oh, it expires 11 of 2022.
Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Are we shipping these to Ohio, or are we shipping these to L.A.?
No, no, these are going to Illinois.
I don't know where you're getting Ohio from.
Yeah.
I put in, maybe I got the zip code wrong.
I put in 43511.
Is that incorrect?
No, that's right.
43511 comes up as Custer, Ohio.
It's Bellet, Illinois.
I'm guessing we have the wrong zip code.
What's the name of the city?
Because she's stupid.
Excuse me.
B-E-L-O-I-T
Asshole
Asshole
Not by my recollection
The important thing is that the billing address needs to match the credit card that you just gave me.
And I'm not sure that we have the correct address.
Please record your message.
When you've finished recording, you may hang up or press 105 Lowland Drive in Custer, Ohio.
Are you an ignorant?
How long have you lived in this country?
I think we're finished with this call.
You've been a big inning.
I'm going to demorinate this call.
You can speak with someone else.
You've been incredibly rude, and I don't know what to say.
Have a great day.
I was trying to have you on set making the fuck, you know, making fucking the girls and boys and shit.
I'm sorry if that's too, you know, risque for you, Dwight McClanahan and Christian Pranks.
You're going to get a Walmart that has free pickup over there, Walmart.
Yeah.
Mark's Asking For A Free Pickup
Hey, where's my pickup?
Hey, what happened, man?
You didn't miss much. You dropped at the 15 minute, and then Dwight McClanahan just ordered stuff for 50 minutes, apparently.
That's all it was. You didn't miss much.
That's how I get down.
Yeah, she wouldn't hang up. We were playing Sex Sounds, and Dwight was jerking off.
Oh, you had a super trooper, huh?
You missed it. You missed all the, I mean, you could have had a nice wank there.
Oh, shit.
All right. Yeah, Dwight.
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No, it's okay. You're not an asshole. I'm just kidding, man.
Calling.
Yeah, who's calling?
Hi there. Thanks for calling 3rd Love.
Please hold while we find one of our California-based fit styles to assist you.
This is the Brawl Company. Who's calling?
You're calling about a prior order.
It's Tug. Big Tug.
Tug?
Tug. Tug. Tug for Mike.
If you would like to request a call...
No, it's not Tug. It's not Tug for Mike.
It's not...
It's not...
Fucking back.
Fuck you.
Oh, I love fucking with you sometimes.
Oh, fell for that.
Hey, man, I'm just trying to do a call. You know the one last prank you want to say anything
Well, we're on hold you got a nice background music there get your chub on. What's up?
Where is your boohoo? Yeah
You're oh, yeah, why why what would you do does it you feed him onions? Is he gassy a gassy burro?
A little bit of garlic
Yeah
Fucking burros
I don't respect burros
Fuck that shit man
I'm a horse guy myself
You know what I mean
Exactly what you mean
You're all about that caballo life
Caballo life
I'm a
Cause I'm a caballero
Hello
Thank you for calling
Third Love
Hi
My name is Juan
My name is Juan Caballero
And I need to buy a bra
For my son
He's on the line
He's gonna tell you
What he needs
Cause I
I don't know
We don't have a relationship
Like that
Go ahead
Sir
Hi there
Hi I have some pretty big titties
I need a bra
Yeah they told him he's 15
and he just got a job at the Burger King
but they told him that he has to wear a bra
My name's Christina I'm the supervisor here at Third Love
Oh hey sexy
We're not going to be able to continue assisting you
Okay honey baby
God damn it woman
I tell you what you listening to me
Asshole
God damn asshole you stupid bitch
God damn it
Hey man I'm sorry I gotta let you go I gotta wrap the show up
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I just said you could be KDK calling from the dead and I won't put you on that's fucked up because I would put him on if it's calling from the dead of course of course it's just KDK the original camera prank call yeah alright rest in peace KDK he's laughing in heaven right now maybe not in heaven you don't go to heaven if you do that what he did Milkman come on you don't go I'm sorry to say that but it's true
I don't know whether he made it to heaven or not dude I mean there's a chance he didn't but you know
We don't know what Jesus decided we don't know what he had to start
I'd say probably even on our evening of all his troubled life he probably had a good spot in there
I think he probably did love Jesus
Yeah I know yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Alright here let's play some voicemail I said alright god damn it you listening to me boy you listening to me woman
Hey, uh, every time I see an Audi, I think of that one call. Um, I'm just about to become a
horse number. I've been listening to you for years now. Yeah. And, uh, I just think about
it randomly all the time. I just, just laughing at myself now thinking about you saying that car
is too close. I could just recite the whole thing in my head. Girlfriend and you started
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Hey Carlito, this is Chupacabra. I've got a buddy here named Hank that he says he's got a few complaints for you. People have been calling him.
Hey there, Carlito. How you doing?
Hey Carlito, this is Chupacabra. How you doing there, buddy?
Hey, bud.
I'll tell you what, I got this guy named Carlito who keeps calling me up saying,
Hey there, Big Debbie, you got a labia, honey, baby?
I'm over here off of Horseshoe Range Road.
And then some other old boy named Milkman, I'm not even sure what that means,
but he just calls up and he's like, and then, you know,
I got this other guy named Brad and he's like,
Hi, this is Brad from the corporate office.
Oh, fuck Brad.
Well, that's a long message, man, but thank you for leaving that.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't want to play any more from that person. Thank you.
That's Milkman.
That was you trying to call back.
Yep, that's you, Milkman.
God damn.
I heard you cussing and shitting.
God.
God damn it, you can't treat me like this, Carlito.
I'm not like one of these fucking mongrels around here.
This is Dwight, god damn it.
And I'll show you the end of my mop.
Show you the end of my mop.
Get in on the line.
I don't want to see the end of Dwight's Mop, you know, when he calls that.
Hey, Carlito.
You got it, eventually.
Don't dare stop me, Boro.
Oh, I see.
Boro!
Hey, that's him calling.
Yeah, that was him before he got through.
Yo, yo, Big Cross.
Yo.
Big Ethan.
Big Ethan.
Sent you a Facebook message.
I had a lot of shit going on today.
I didn't get a chance to send you numbers.
Aw.
So, my bad.
I'm a piece of shit.
Yep, yep, yep.
And we'll make it up to you.
Does it give the time and date on these people?
Yeah.
Yeah, 29 minutes ago.
Go Tits
Go Tits
Yeah Milkman's all
Milkman are you called Milkman
Because you like the breasts
On the women
Is that why
Are you a breast man
Oh of course
But no actually
It got started
Because like
I was always the guy
Whenever we went to the restaurant
I always ordered milk
Oh you fag
You fag
What
Really
Yeah
So you put them together
And yeah
For both reasons
Okay fuck it
Shit
I was on the machine
And now I'm off
I was on the machine
And I'm off
Cool
Sorry
Machine and I'm off
Thanks for calling in. Who else have we got?
Grab a call in this week.
I caught on you, sir.
Oh, that's
Zach's with the pretty hair.
Oh, he just tried to call. Oh, man.
Alright, and then this is the last one.
This is Katie
calling from the day.
I didn't get to go to heaven.
Sorry.
Oh, Katie Kay.
You didn't go to heaven.
There I am.
You, sir, win.
You, sir, win. Call the show. Thank you.
Nice. That was pretty good, actually.
Oh, man.
That was a good guy.
Oh, poor guy.
Somebody did that on the fly, too. I love our audience.
Yeah, he snuck that one in there the last one.
Yeah, good timing. That was the last one.
If they get our genre in comedy, we've got a bunch out there, dude. I'm telling you.
Well, KDK's surprisingly upbeat in hell, I guess, unless maybe he's just in purgatory.
I guess that's where you go, you know?
Like that movie with, uh, who's the guy that killed himself?
Richard Nixon? No.
Uh, Robin Giffords. Robin...
Who's the guy that killed himself?
Robin Williams, yeah.
Remember that stupid movie he made about his wife killed herself and he died
and he was in a Van Gogh painting the whole time?
You know what I'm talking about?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Zach's Intel on Twitch
Big Zach's
Discord.gg forward slash pranks
Yes, there you go
That's fine, you're learning
We're working towards you
Joining us in the 21st century here at some point
Yeah, Major Tonight is checking in
We're confirming the movies
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