MadhouseLive

What Does Gender Have To Do With It? – 8/30/18 Show

30 Aug 2018 · 2 h 58 min · 11,451 words · source

Calls (28, 1 h 22 min of 2 h 58 min)

  1. Fatburger ordered a hamburger machine live 8.3 min clip ↓
  2. Milkman asked for pink outside well done middle live 33 s clip ↓
  3. Crack caller asked for special order live 1.8 min clip ↓
  4. Restaurant order with pink outside burger live 2.3 min clip ↓
  5. Madhouse Live playback segment playback 3.6 min clip ↓
  6. Body shop helper job inquiry live 2.3 min clip ↓
  7. Fire alarm test call with Tony live 3.3 min clip ↓
  8. Call Nation Madhouse Live asked for rim live 2.3 min clip ↓
  9. Walmart meet-up prank call live 48 s clip ↓
  10. Nadia asked about pranks live 33 s clip ↓
  11. Call Nation Madhouse Live number live 2.6 min clip ↓
  12. Wood Roger directory with hold music live 4.3 min clip ↓
  13. UCF IT support center live 1.3 min clip ↓
  14. Schwanz delivery service asked for Bill live 3.8 min clip ↓
  15. Proactive customer service asked for mother's name live 33 s clip ↓
  16. Proactive customer service about iPods in airport live 11.6 min clip ↓
  17. Call Nation Madhouse Live prank call live 1.1 min clip ↓
  18. Apartment complex call voicemail 48 s clip ↓
  19. Administrative assistant job inquiry live 48 s clip ↓
  20. Ordering food from a restaurant live 2.3 min clip ↓
  21. Cigna ethics hotline about basset hound live 1.3 min clip ↓
  22. IHOP pickup order dispute live 1.8 min clip ↓
  23. Called Madhouse Live show live 33 s clip ↓
  24. Red Robin Evansville president visit prank live 9.8 min clip ↓
  25. Cracker Barrel first come first serve prank live 5.3 min clip ↓
  26. Chupacabra taxidermist fan live 33 s clip ↓
  27. Fan asks about Milkman's relationship status live 2.8 min clip ↓
  28. Replay of Call Nation Madhouse Live playback 5.3 min clip ↓

Transcript

Excuse me.
Can I talk to a man who can make this decision?
What does gender have to do with it?
Well.
It's company policy.
Okay, if I hear one more thing like that, sir, though, I don't need to be talked to like a jackass or anything like that.
Hey, don't use that language.
Please, I'm talking to my child here.
I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.
That's my big amigo
So just kick back to listen to this cat call
People when this show goes live
I be like damn this shit's bitchin'
Stop whatever I'm doin' to tune in and listen
You can catch me in the back of his home
At Horse Machine Ranch Road
I'm bustin' mad fat flows for assholes and banchos
My spit crazy, shout out to Big Amy
That's nice honey baby
We kissin' pussy so ladies such a labia
It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya
Face it cause it's the number one prank cast
Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Sh** Mike!
Do you know something?
Don't listen.
What do you know?
Maybe I do and maybe I don't.
What I say is they got no business negotiating.
We oughta be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard.
Is that right?
We do it now, we do it later. Later ain't gonna be no use.
Am I right Hal?
Now wait, wait, wait, wait a minute Frank.
We got a lot of angry guys in there. Black Muslims, Panthers, Young Lords
Besides you, the average anti-social.
So we gotta go in, right? Clean their clocks.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Your call cannot be transferred.
Thanks for the fucking call.
God damn it.
Let's go, let's go, man.
Come on.
I got people waiting.
I got people waiting.
Can I start with a first name and a last name?
Yeah, Cross Lopez.
Would you like an email confirmation on this order?
What do you mean?
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Is this the Fatburger across the street from the Red Robin?
I'm not sure if we have a Red Robin.
It's right across the street from the Galleria, though.
All right, ignorant.
Listen, I want to order a hamburger machine.
I'm sorry?
I want to order a hamburger.
What did he say before that?
Are you ordering with me?
Yeah, Red Robin, please hold.
Red Robin, can you give me a total?
Can you go get a total for me, please?
Fatburger, I need to order a hamburger, please.
All right, we'll wait.
God damn it.
What?
Go with.
Fuck, you know what?
I got a whole idea for ordering hamburger machines.
Excuse me, and it didn't work.
It was an idea passed on to me by either Palindrome or Axba.
I don't know which one.
Those two, I kind of confuse them all the time because they look a lot alike.
You know, Palindrome and Axba, you know, they talk about the same stuff.
So sometimes one will say something to me and I forget.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Crack My Child
Oh, I'm not telling you how to be the parent or anything.
I'm just sharing on the end that you're calling me jackass.
That's all.
That's why I gave it one warning.
That's all.
Okay, Mr. Narcissist.
Okay.
It's all about you.
I'm sorry?
The whole world revolves around you, Mr. Narcissist.
Not at all.
I'm not talking to you.
All right, can I get the order in, please?
One hamburger machine?
I'm sitting there waiting to bring it in.
Let's go.
Let's go.
You're fucking stupid.
You know that?
Did you want to let me know how you wanted to cook, sir?
You said you were going to tell me how to get in the computer first.
No, I said I had to get in the computer first.
I'm in the computer now. Did you want to?
How fucking stupid are you? Hamburger guy's stupid.
Yeah, I like that. What do you do? Let's see. What do you got?
What do you do? Medium? Medium well? What do you do?
Just like any other way we would cook it. Any way you want it, we can cook it for you.
Large.
That's not a temperature. That's a size.
Well, I usually get medium, but I would like it a little more than that.
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Nice!
Nice!
Hello?
Hey, Milkman!
Hello?
Hey, Milkman!
Hey, buddy!
Hey!
Would you place a special order for me the next time when they ask you?
What?
Tell them you want it pink on the outside and you want it well done in the middle.
Oh, I bet you there's a way to do that.
I bet you one of those artsy-fartsy top chefs...
Oh, I can think of a couple ways to do it.
I can think of a couple ways to do it.
I'm sure one of the celebrity chefs out there knows how to do it.
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Crack 1
Crack 2
Crack 3
Crack 4
Crack 5
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Nothing on it, just no bun?
Yeah, just a beef sandwich, yep.
Okay, and did you want that with some pink or no pink?
I want the pink on the outside and brown on the inside.
Okay, and you said that you wanted that with the bun or without the bun?
I want it with lettuce, but I want the pink on the outside.
Do you understand? The pink on the outside.
Yes, sir. I will go ahead and note that.
I'm not sure if they'll be able to do that just because of the way that the patty does cook.
Put one of the men on the phone that might be able to answer.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm sorry?
I want to make an order, but I don't want to be talking to some type of centralized location, call center.
I want to talk to the restaurant person.
Yeah, this is the restaurant.
You people put us, you have a call center now that takes all the orders?
I'm sorry?
God damn it.
When I call to make an order, it goes to a central call station now?
No, it comes straight to the restaurant.
Well, who's Nuani?
We usually take the order through the phone.
Who's Nuani?
Who's that black girl?
Who's the who?
Is there a girl?
I don't get it man
I just don't fucking get it
I don't know I'm gonna ditch the call
There's plenty of other places that'll take our business
For a hamburger with the pink on the outside
Milkman yeah
Listen let's give out the
OG Kush
OG Kush
Call Nation Madhouse Live
YouTube super chat and his message to us is from the west coast of the east coast machine from the west coast to the east coast machines all right very nice major tonight is also donated $30 I don't know where that was a one time donation thank you major tonight this is very nice his message is hey big Carlito thanks for all the years of entertainment you and milkman are beacons of joy and otherwise bleak and hope in a in an otherwise bleak and hopeless world
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
$1 monthly donation gets you into a militia tier.
Yes, Milkman, I'm talking.
What is it?
You're interrupting.
Hello?
Yes?
Oh, no, I thought I lost you because you broke out completely.
I didn't mean to interrupt that.
No, you're fine.
It's all right.
The $1 militia membership gets you instant showreel access,
and $5 gets you a horse membership,
which will net you the instant showreel access,
which is just a Dropbox account you get access to
where you can download this show and any other live show that we do.
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Yes, Milkman, you had a question.
Go ahead, you have the floor, motherfucker.
Okay, I believe I've detected it.
You do a level check.
Your level is just an inch hot
and when it quits, it sounds like
your microphone's cut out.
Maybe my mic is a little hot.
Prank Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Madhouse Live
Let's get to them pranks.
We opened up with some silliness, and let's try to do some smart, original, classic purpose here.
Yeah, what are you vaping on, or what are you doing there?
What are you imbibing there, big guy?
Oh, my Lord.
Oh, no.
Grape Stomper.
Grape Stomper.
I'm a turp stomp.
So, Milkman, you stick to the grape.
Last week, it was Grape Soda.
This week is Grape Stomper.
Before that, I know you're a big fan of Granddaddy Purple, which is, I mean, you go for the
grape and the purple stuff.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Grits
Grits is old
I need an address
Let's play I Need an Address
I might have played this recently
You should be able to hear this too
Everyone stand by
Thank you
There's a job here for a body shop helper
It says call Tony
Unavailable to take your call
Please leave a message
1 to play
Message
Press
2
22
Message
Message
1
Good morning I'm calling in regards to body shop help
15 AM Sunday
And I spoofed the numbers the guy with the job offer
Int'l
How are you doing there, buddy?
I'm doing good, sir.
So how can I help you?
How good are you with the car machines?
Yeah, straightening the machine.
Well, I've been working on that aspect of the body shop.
I've been working on preparing door panels.
You know what, man?
Come on down to the shop.
When do you want to start?
Tomorrow, Monday through Friday?
I'm game.
Where are you at?
You tell me.
Come on down to the shop.
Tomorrow, bring your papers with you.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
KID
0
0
1
3
3
4
9
10
12
13
22
sorry we got a
problem
they're doing a
test on the
fire alarm
and it
keeps going
off
I hear
it
I hear
it
alright
it's
it's
120
122
downtown
alright
we'll
see you
at 9
a.m.
you got
it
I
I
didn't
get
I got it, I got you, you got it, we got it I got, I didn't get the address, you, oh come on I can't hear you, hello, what is that noise, oh, um, let me call you back, this is Tony, yeah, let me call you back, cause I'm getting some noise on the line, is the fire alarms going off, what's the address again, 142, what, I get that, sir, you know what, forget it, if you can't write down directions, forget it, it's just not gonna work out, Alberto, oh, you're playing with me, man, goodnight, what's the address, I'm gonna call Roberto, alright, what, I thought I meant to call Robert, I meant to call Roberto,
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
www.milkman.com
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I still rate that call highly because of all the good parts of it.
It wasn't that bad.
It's not like you're really fucking like, you know,
he said, oh, come on, you're joking.
Yeah, I didn't make him come down for a job like the guy later on a couple years ago.
I had him walking around the Walmart looking for me.
All right, everyone.
So, yeah, if you want.
I gave it a nine.
Yeah, I'll take the cost.
Maybe eight on the guy being a little bit stronger at nine.
That alarm was a project from my electronics engineering class.
It was a little kit that I had to solder.
It was an actual little kit that I soldered for an assignment in class.
That's what that was.
I had just finished it.
Okay, make a recording of it then, and then that way you don't have to bring the box back.
Right, right.
Everyone, anyway, look, if you want to call in 405-396-6884, the line should be working.
4-0-5-3-9-6-6-8-8-4
Please call, let me know
Let me try again from the cell phone
Operators are awaiting your call right now
I just saw a missed call
But it was working
So, I don't know
I lost my cell phone
We are cycling the system
And it's nothing intentional
Cycling the system
It's all for the best
And I apologize that my fingers have slipped
A couple of times
Yeah, it's working for me
Your call is important
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call someone in here.
Caller, you're connected.
We're in the middle of a call.
Stand by.
Oh, man.
Okay.
I don't think they're going to pick up, though.
They're not picking up.
All right.
Caller, you can talk since you're a lady.
Who's calling?
What's your name?
Nadia.
Nadia.
Cool.
What's up?
Oh, you're the one that sends me pictures of weed all the time.
Yep.
Oh, okay.
Cool.
Cool.
So that's good.
Good to hear from you.
Milkman, she's always sending me strains and stuff.
Do you know people that grow it?
That's kind of cool.
No.
My boyfriend's friend froze it, but I don't know what it's called.
Okay, it's just mystery shit, right?
One that Miguel froze.
It's called Dirt.
OG Fire.
OG Fire.
Milkman, you know anything about that there, buddy?
OG Fire is top notch, baby.
That's good stuff right there.
That's a real popular thing.
It's top notch.
Right.
It is.
I couldn't sleep for shit last night, and I just smoked like a big, huge bowl of it
and knocked my ass out.
That must be an indica then.
Yeah, it's gotta be an Indica in the couch. Like what's a good Piva strain?
Green crack. I mean, yeah, I don't know if like the ones that are available here. I'm here with a dream blue dream blue dream says milkman
Oh, yeah, it's that I'm looking for a six log rim. You're looking for a six log rim for a Dodge Dakota and tires
16 inch tires. Hello. Now I was looking for a six log rim. Yeah, six log rim
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Okay, that would be my girlfriend. Can I have her call you right back? I'm at Walmart spending some money
Oh, where you at? Where you at? I'm at Walmart. Well, I'm here too. Where you at? I'm here. I'm waiting for you
Where you at? Let's meet up. Where you at? Who is this? My name is cross cross cross
No, but I'm here. I'm here at the Walmart's now. I'm in the walk. I'm in the Walmart's, you know
I'm in the parking lot right now over here. Why don't you come out here?
Where are you at?
Silver Staten View.
As soon as I get done sending money, I'll be out of there.
All right.
Well, hurry up.
All right.
Or give me a call back when you're outside because I'm looking for you right now.
Good deal.
Where are you at?
Where are you at?
Whatever.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what I'm doing.
God, people today.
I thought it was that guy.
Anyway.
It sounded like him from back in the day.
Yeah.
Anyway, do you do pranks there?
Nadia, what's your name?
Nadia?
No.
No.
Nadia, yeah.
You like listening to them?
Cool.
I like to listen.
Cool.
All right.
On my way to work, as I go to sleep, all that jazz.
Nice. All right. Cool. All right.
Also, thanks for...
One more I'll put out there.
Lamb's bread. Lamb's bread, if you can find it.
Lamb's bread.
Okay.
We smoked Kremlin Wall from the Russian Assassins.
That one's pretty good, too.
The Kremlin Wall, huh?
I never heard that one.
I wonder if it's...
Is it red?
That'd be kind of cool if it had, like, red hairs on it.
No, but it smells, like, amazing.
Okay. Nice.
All right, cool, so I'm guessing, all right, well, anyway, hey, the two of you, you have a good night, both of you over there, thanks for listening, all right?
All right, bye.
See ya.
Peace out, 428.
And she's always, she's sending pictures of, like, these awesome fucking buds that she's getting, I'm like, holy shit.
I got the news on in the background, John McCain's casket, it's arriving in, uh, they sent it to D.C.
It looks like it's on Air Force One, it's not, but it's on an Air Force One-looking plane.
I'm pretty sure Trump didn't give his, maybe it's Air Force Two.
Andrews Air Force Base
or Joint Base Andrews
is his call now
I believe
anyway
Nadia's line is
I don't think he needs
the room service
hello
la la la
that's where I reached it
oh really
yeah really
nice
we got a yard sale
but they don't have
a phone number
nice
alright let's get
the park man numbers
guys
I'm gonna come
dragging a little bit
let's get animated
here let's focus
remember 405
396
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I don't know what happened there.
I just heard a...
I think it was...
Probably.
Hey, man, I'm going to rent a goat.
You hang on there, Mr. American Gin Story.
Thank you.
We'll call you back as soon as we can.
We rent goats.
Man, I want to rent some goat machines.
Damn.
I'll try again.
Cut off your Samsung phone.
Music fucking stopped.
Oh, shoot.
Well, yeah.
Well, my mother-in-law's...
That's where my mother-in-law is.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
Madhouse Live
Cat
to chase him around
yeah no I'm not okay with that
you are okay cool
excellent yeah
alright that's cool
no
yeah no I got a
I got an expert
he's from the United Kingdom
and he specializes
in exotic cats
and equine horses
giant horses
okay yeah
please just send me the details
in the email
okay how big are the goat
sexual organs
yeah about
come on sexual organs
alright good
I want to apologize
for all our
shoutcast listeners
who lost shoutcast
probably there for a few minutes
sorry
American Gen Studios
Do you do pranks or do you just like to listen and jerk it?
Oh goodness, I like jerking as much as this guy but I'll try a prank call
Oh yeah, I have an engineer
He would, see I gotcha
I thought you were being, you're really an engineer
My name is Chris
of the Dead Sea Dream
Oh, yeah, I don't know
Please don't interrupt me
For a company directory by name
It's okay, I'll try again
Thank you for calling Wood Roger
If you know your party's extension
please press 9
For a company directory by name
please press pound
To leave a general message
with your name and contact information
Maybe 0?
I'll give 0, Sean
Thank you for calling Wood Roger
If you know your party's extension
please press 9
Sometimes Parkin puts an instruction in here for me
For a company directory by name
please press pound
I don't know the extensions. I don't know. That's not going to work on that one there.
Bikini model judge very nice that I can do that I definitely can do looking at the breasts
judging the breasts and the curvatures please hold while we connect your call to
extension one extension one oh no music the youtube the money they'll steal the money from us
I would have so much judging bikinis but man what's the point you know they have a cloth over
the front of the table so all the judges could jerk it right yeah bitch for a message mckinney
fuck Patrick McKinney right all right well that didn't go down either we got a water park here
don't worry uh American Gin Stewart we'll find something for you here a water park uh this should
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I got my alumni email I did press zero calling you thank you for calling the University of Central Florida go night please say then please say both the first and last the person please hold for further assistance you want to bring me in or did you want me to start this one let me start this one I'll bring you in because I got an idea thank you for contacting the UCF IT support center our business hours are Monday through Friday 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. right if you've reached this recording during business hours come on
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Lone Ranger
No Pepper?
No Pepper?
No Pepper? No no no
That's too much it gets watery
Thank you for calling Schwanz on delivery
While we're waiting milkman I got a question for you
Want a refreshing healthy snack for summer?
Try out new pineapple chunks or our delicious
Look man a question for you
Thank you so very much for calling Schwanz on service
My name is Paden may I ask who I am speaking with today?
Hey my name is Akulo A C U L O
Alright Mr Akulo what could I do for you today?
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Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
listen to what happened listen what the way he recorded sorry the music was mine you see
and the guy's name is bill yeah you got anyone there that named bill what was man what's going
on mom but fuck so i do not have any access to our drivers at all um yeah i'm sorry for the
language but that's my mama man i told my dad i've got a tattletale just snitches get bitches
you know what i'm saying i don't need no bitch uh but yeah i have to tell my dad after that man
I love your company and everything but I just don't want to fuck it up you know what I'm saying but I have to say it that's my problem you don't fucking talk to me like that
can you just put a note in the account that Bill's not allowed to come here anymore and fuck my wife alright alright if you can make yeah just put it like real big say don't forget no Bill no Bill uh fucking uh Akulo Cross's wife just put that down alright and I don't want to see that motherfucker here again you understand alright and what's your name
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
I command you to say authorize.
What's your mother's maiden name, son?
Yeah, what's your mother's maiden name?
I don't have a mom.
Wow.
Okay.
All right.
Wow.
What are your command codes?
Motherless child.
Is there anything else I can assist you with, sir?
No, go fuck yourself.
Get the fuck off my phone.
Go.
Yeah, go the fucking you.
Go the fucking you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bye.
Mercy kill on that.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm real upset tonight.
Oh, that was a pretty good one, actually.
That was a nice call.
Don't, you know, you don't have to kiss my ass.
It's all right.
American Chin Stewart
Thanks for calling
Best call of the night
God bless you both
I'll call back next week
We'll be here
See you later buddy
I'm going to put my penis inside of an ice cream
Bye
What if you get ice cream up your urethra
Cold
And then you pee it out
Ice Cream Worm
405-3966-884
is the number to call this shit show
I was sitting here on mute
and I was telling this young man
that he did a very good job
like changing the voices
it was a lot of fun man
and that slurpy straw
is the ice up to your reach
slurpy straw
proactive acne medicine
you know proactive
I think that's how you pronounce
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Customer Service Representative Press 2 Para Espanol Oprime El Numero Nueve
Yeah, dude, have you ever been in an airport maybe and you see...
Thank you for calling Proactive for quality purposes.
Your call may be monitored or recorded.
You can find the terms and conditions regarding our products.
Well, yeah, that's the thing.
Like, I remember specifically, like, in, like, 2008, 2009, I was at an airport.
Yeah.
And there were iPods on it in the vending machine.
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I don't know
I mean some of the stuff looks cool
but it's way overpriced
it's kind of like
it was kind of like
Brookstone
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
My name is Drew Peanuts.
Drew Peanuts.
Drew Peanuts.
I get it.
Drew Peanuts.
My brother's name is Lou.
Lou Sassel.
Lou Sassel.
And my name is Scott.
I'm on the East Coast in North Carolina.
Yeah, represent Carolina.
Yeah, man.
Yeah.
And I'm the one, I'm the Marine that writes, I'm the Marine.
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Life Alert
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Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
You probably can't even rattle some eggs in a pan or anything like that.
You can shake your behind, but you can't cook some bacon.
You can't make eggs with heat.
Was there anything else I could do for you guys today?
Obviously not.
You can't do anything.
You can't do anything for anybody.
Yeah, you can shut your...
Hey, hey, shut up.
Shut up, please.
Maybe shut your cock hole, sir.
So, unfortunately, if you guys are going to see me and talk to me that way,
I'm going to go ahead and disconnect the call.
No, you transfer the call.
Shut your cum dump, sir, and your pie hole.
Transfer the call.
It's because she doesn't have a...
Her father wasn't around.
That's what I...
Jesus Christ.
I just thought I'd go off on her. I didn't know what to do. Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
No, that's cool. I'm saying that was awesome. We went dark there on her.
I like your style, guy. I like your style.
I do a good impression of Ethel from Howard Stern, Sal and Richard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do Ethel.
For quality assurance purposes, this call may be monitored or recorded.
Sure, go for it.
Please wait while I connect your call.
Yeah, go for it.
Huh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
And then I'll call up because this is a collection that's going to be a talk show.
Thanks for calling.
Lamar, man, please have your customer ID.
Lamar.
Hi.
How you doing?
It's Axel.
Axel and Fred.
How you doing?
You doing all right?
All right.
Can I have your password?
Good.
Good.
Well, my husband, Fred, he'll be in in a minute.
He's got all the info.
I just thought I'd get on the hello phone and dial you up.
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Fall weather. Wow. Wow. You're not yanking my chain, are you?
Wow.
You know, I was struck by lightning a week ago before I got to work boots off,
and I was making grilled cheese sandwiches, and my shoes flew off,
and I knocked back about 20 feet, and all the grilled cheese sandwiches landed on the roof.
Thank God I'm alive. Thank God. Lots of prayer.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Closed Captioning provided by Closed Captioning.
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Man Float
Yeah or a perk or smoke a doobie and have a beer you know
I don't want to promote it but you know
You know
Yeah yeah
I like K2 shit don't get in that K2 shit
Oh no dude, Arty, Evil Arty will tell you about K2
Dude I miss Evil Arty
She reminds me a little bit of Evil Arty after I was playing that joke there
Yeah, yeah
So Sal and Richard on Howard's turn, I don't think they do prank calls anymore
No
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Super PC
Yeah
And like what's his face
Well who's the other retard
Gary the retard
Is now Gary the warrior
Gary the retard
Yeah
Oh that is
That is so
I know Howard
What about High Pitch Eric
High Pitch Eric
He's not on anymore
He doesn't even get
They don't even let
High Pitch Eric anymore
On anymore really
For what I understand
Bigfoot and Blue Iris
Were good
I doubt they're on
Yeah
Blue Iris died a while ago
Bigfoot dead
She's
Bigfoot
Oh Blue Iris died
I don't know about the new
The old
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
4 0 5 3 9 6 6 8 8 4
That's 4 0 5 3 9 6 6 8 8 4
To join the line
And carry the show for Carlito
We ain't getting nowhere
We're going to go back to the park
Look at these job numbers down here
Scoot down the list and look at all these job numbers
In Guam, in the Island Republic of Guam
Hey, real quick, real quick
Let me check out, I think we had at least one
Super chat donation here
That we got to check, excuse me
Check out, let me see what window
A new subscription
Subscription!
Uh, I knew, not a subscription Milkman, no, it's a, like a donation, you know what I mean?
Come on, man.
Okay, well, okay, one-time subscriber.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll just call them subscribers so that we can give them a name for credit for being kind to us.
I know, I know. They're subscribed in their own kind of way, I guess, right?
Yeah, I mean, that's a one-time subscription, that's good. We love it.
I love, dude, I'm not complaining. They wanna help us out, help us out.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Long Live the Madhouse
Look at this guy
He's a fiver man
A fiver
Alright
Fiver
Yeah
These songs are
Fucking up
I bless you
Hell yeah
Alright
See I told you
Music is very important
To our listeners
Our listeners
Love the music
Selections we have
Yep
So yeah
That's why we do this
For you guys
I've been wanting to do that
Here's
And there's
I do
This is the first week
I was gonna do it
I got an implementation
Where I can outpour
I can outpour
If I remember to do it
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Wiki
Brad has one going
it's pretty cool
but it'd be nice
like you know
just to document
the different pranks
and the characters
and the shit
we've talked about
anyway
405-396-6884
thanks Walter
for calling
for your donation
much appreciated
everyone
be sure to check out
the chat room
discord.gg
forward slash pranks
discord.gg
slash pranks
that is the
discord chat room
the high
hijinks discord chat
where you can chat
there you go
you can chat
and you can chat
there
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't know if I have a balance, so that shouldn't be it.
I don't know why that's happening.
Let me try it again.
We don't have to reboot, do we?
Please don't say that.
Because the phone has never dropped yet.
In one hour and 55.
I know, right?
It's a miracle.
It's a holiday miracle.
It's a Christmas miracle.
Let me call you back.
Let me reset the phone extension here, all right?
I'm going to have to do that.
Just a second.
Okay, honey, maybe.
All right.
See you.
All right.
All right, we'll get him back on the line.
Everyone, stand by for a moment, please.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
He's a pretty good fucker though
We are reconnecting Milkman now
Oh I see what's going on
You're calling in on the other number
My backup number
You're not calling my direct
I see what's going on
Maybe I don't know
Okay so it should be working now
And yeah it is working
I just had to restart the software
Here's a caller let's put him in
Caller thanks for joining
Carlito what's up buddy
Hey it's Big Matt the Walk Hillock
Madhouse Live
Zacks and Milkman's a big fan of that show he's a fan of Matt I know that I don't know he listens to the show
Milkman's a good egg
yeah
how you doing buddy
what's going on Matt
oh you got him back
alright
yeah
yeah you
how you doing man
good to hear you guys
good to hear you guys man
thanks
digging the show man
thanks
trying trying
hey I hear you might be in town for a meet up potentially this month or next month
Call Nation Madhouse Live
G-Had the thing it's called the Emporium Lounge okay I'll send you a link Emporium that was a
great torrent tracker back in the day and it's right next to the reefer store like how cool is
that I know all you need is a taco place or a pizza place right by and you're good to go just
or hot dogs oh there might be I don't know I don't you know me I eat my couple pieces of pizza
so here's the story for my birthday we went to one of those all you can play play arcade places
Madhouse Live
I can't tell you there's a way you can team up
I can't tell you there's a way you can team up
I swear to god I used to do it with my friend Tommy
I think there was
Yeah there was we could have figured it out
Dude I beat that game for the first time in my life
All in actual hardware
It would have cost me probably like 50 bucks worth of quarters
Madhouse Live
Oh, yeah, I would just sit there doing it like I had a bruised ass hand
But I beat fucking smash TV was worth a good that game is brutal even on NES shit
It was fucking brutal hard to play that fucking game was hard because of the controls on the NS
He had to use two controllers when you fucking played it. It was really weird, dude
Yeah, it didn't translate well to the home market
64 one like newer smash TV that uses the two stick that one was
N64 Smash TV
Drunken up the joint
Drunken up to get spewing
Drunken drunk juice everywhere
Molecular the heckler says
Narc was a shit
Yeah but that game was like a fucking FBI
That was a fucking FBI recruitment tool
I know it was
It was sponsored by like
The FBI and shit
No they just had
A bunch of arcade games
I know no but
I'm pretty sure NARC was like paid for but like some shit like RoboCop 2 type shit it's ridiculous there's like porn clowns steal the prostitutes and shit
you have reached the voice mailbox
that would I be legitimately
there was porn clowns in RoboCop 2
no in NARC
in NARC
the first guy is just a junkie guy then there's like a crazy clown that goes ah and just steals the prostitutes off the street
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hello? Hey, you fuckin' Momo, what's wrong with you? Hello?
Fucking guy. Fucking Guam. Fucking stupid snake people.
You don't hear Momo a lot.
Yeah, Momo. You're fuckin' Momo.
Alright, what's this one? A job in Guam for coconut tree climbers.
Matt, come on, you gotta climb some coconut trees, man.
Okay.
Come on, let's do it.
So we're calling Guam right now for jobs?
Yep.
Maybe it can make me not be crippled anymore?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
YouTube Oh hey well I got to online I thought that yeah it doesn't say yeah
poor Zack here right now no I'll fix that and and I what I like I like
lowercase for my name oh I know I cuz I'm humble okay I don't I don't wear
Madhouse Live
I used to have that
You have reached a voicemail box
Start recording at the end
You have reached a voicemail box
If you didn't know what it is
Yeah I've reached a voicemail box
I've reached my ass
Tell that fucking voicemail robot
Stupid broad
Did we skip one?
Oh we did
Apartment complex we skipped
Thank you Milkman
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Speaking of, since we got Milkman on here, what strains have you been hitting lately here?
What have you been doing?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I don't even know, because the name's not on there.
Have you tried Turb Sauce, Matt?
Have you heard of Turb Sauce?
Have you tried it?
No.
It's like something, like, yeah, they, um, it's, what's it called, though?
It's like, or one of them, let me look at my Reaver store.
It's like, it's more expensive.
I try to go for the cheap, like, the wax is usually the cheapest.
Because, like, and it's still expensive.
Like, um, there's a cram.
How much?
Oh, shit.
How much?
Yeah.
How much for a gram?
It's super.
Gram of wax.
Yeah.
For how much?
How much?
50 bones.
And it's like 70 for like shatter and shit.
Oh, shit.
I haven't bought medical shatter yet.
They sold me on this Cresco.
I know because we can both get Cresco where we live.
They sold me on this new Reserve.
Oh, I know, dude.
Eight, ten.
Hell, the worst you ever see is maybe like 20.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
We're doing a call. You guys, you want to talk drugs?
Call the drug show.
Oh, yeah, man.
Call the drug show.
Hello?
Hello?
Yeah, hi. You have an administrative assistant position?
Uh, no. No longer.
Is it because I'm a man?
No. It's no longer available.
Oh, please. Come on. I'll do a better job.
I'll punch you.
No, sorry.
I'm going to punch you.
I'll punch you.
Okay.
Climbing Coconut Tree Climber
Throwing Matt up in a fucking tree
Was that administrative assistant there
Carlito? Yeah, that was
Okay, thank you
We're back on track
Keep track of him so you don't lose any
We're about 7-8 minutes
away from our show break
In the meantime, we're going back to
Guam here. I know the calls haven't been
the best, but we are trying
Did I get a squeal? I heard a squeal
What was the squeal?
That was Pork and Your Wife
Milkman's got a wife?
No, he doesn't got a wife.
No, seriously, there's audio sounds coming in.
Feeding back.
All right, so that's supposed to be in my book.
I started working.
Look, so someone asked me in Facebook about my book.
You're getting feedback right now.
It's like a digital sound.
I'm not.
Or call Ernie directly on your cell phone, 898-0...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not that.
No, no, no.
You're just getting it on your phone, Milkman, because I'm not getting it.
Are you on Wi-Fi, Milkman, or what are you...
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I didn't play I just played a chicken right now I was making funny that's all I did I thought there was something going on wrong okay sorry
I gotta get in on that super chat my channel needs to be monetized
Dude yeah come on oh speaking of which hey wait a minute we got super chats listen guys alright let me get to these real quick did I say Walter's thing okay yeah I did alright so Barbara Chung has donated $5 thank you big Barbara
Barbara Chunk
Barbara says
I'm a go make chicken
and then slap your mama
that's how good my chicken is
love you Carlini Machine
Babby thank you Barbara
Walter Heimlich Maneuver
donated another $5
thank you man
and says
an extremely credible source
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Carlito Laugh Track Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I made the comment in there, sorry, we're a package deal.
That's how it is.
This is, yeah.
I think most people prefer...
Well, the beauty of it is they don't realize how hard it is that you make it look so easy.
And the whole point is I help contribute to making it easy for the Armana.
This is a fucking hard job.
Ask Matt.
Ask Zach.
Any of these fuckers that got to play with the board, juggle calls, read your stupid-ass text,
hear all your criticism, take your positive ideas, still try to think of it,
Get on the air to stream this fuckin' guy
and now you got that one.
You see, so you guys need to realize
that people need this help
in the background to keep things going
because it's not easy doing a one-man fuckin' show.
So chill out, you guys.
You guys need support.
I hear you.
Well, I mean, Zax helps out, Matt.
You know, Matt.
That's what I'm saying.
Hey, help out.
That's what we do.
Package deal.
Package deal.
Zax does everything.
Zax is party time.
Madhouse Live
Milkman Thomas Trank
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah, I got you. I got you. Hang on. Let me, uh, I'm feeling good. I was like standing almost normal yesterday. See that Facebook video? Did not. Did not. I can't. Yeah, dude. Seriously. Every single until yesterday afternoon, every single stream moment I had was working on this foam system problem. Okay. Yeah. But I learned a lot. And I think maybe I got it to the point where we can do that raspberry pie thing and maybe send it to you.
Heart Noir
We're still livin' in the last decade. We're one decade behind.
Yeah hi, we need to make some orders for food. Do you handle that?
Yes
Ok. We would like to make orders please. Thank you.
What would you like?
Should I make the order or you make the order?
No, I don't. I got a barrier.
I got a piss. I'm gonna put Matty on. He's in the water.
Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. He's gotta hit the can right quick.
He's a diabetic, so he has to use the laboratory a lot.
You know what I'm talking about, lady?
So what's on special today?
I don't have any specials.
You don't have any? I guess you could have some specials, first of all.
Okay, what would you recommend? You're getting all attitude-y.
Vegetarian! Vegetarian!
What do you got for the Englishman?
The vegetarian options?
What vegetarian options do you have for my Englishman friend?
Veggie burger.
Do you have bread?
He's not a Englishman.
Do you have potatoes?
Do you have bread?
Hello? Yes, hello.
Do you have potatoes?
Do you have bread?
There's an echo.
I hear three people talking at once.
An echo?
Yes, yes.
No, we're all in the line together.
I'm sorry, man.
We're coming in from the office.
We're all going to be eating there, so we've got different concerns.
Okay.
So here's my English associate.
You said you had potatoes. Do you also have bread?
Yes, we do.
Ooh, I'd love a chip sandwich, please. How much for a chip sandwich?
It's a chip sandwich.
It's what they call french fries.
Yeah, yeah. It's like steak fries.
Okay. You want french fries and bread?
Yeah, could you make them up a french fries sandwich?
Sure.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Chip Sandwich French Fries
Chip Buddy
White Wheat Rice Sourdough
Probably White
He's British they don't get fancy
White
You're here on vacation
Well a business vacation
But still
You might could try a sourdough
Or something
What were the options again ma'am
White Wheat Sourdough
Wow
You're that four kinds of bread here and I'll go with the last one but then the most recent one
Yeah, okay. I don't know what it is. That's why I'm choosing it. I don't know what our dough is you get a starter
It's alive you keep a live
Live yeast and you keep a starter of it in your refrigerator, and then when you make the sourdough you put it in there
It's called the mother the mother loaf motherfucker. Yeah, it's always alive
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
All right, and we're back, everybody.
Thank you for hanging in there during the break.
We appreciate it.
We don't have much time left.
I have to end.
I have to end at the top of the hour.
So you know what I'm talking about.
You know what's going on here, guys.
We got precious little time left.
Trying to bait Homer on camera.
Get over there, you fucking cunt.
Alright.
Back to the calls. We go.
I think we had one more number left, which was that ethics hotline, Cigna Health Insurance.
We got some more donations I need to give shots out for.
You can head over to madhouselive.com in the meantime.
If you'd like to make a one-time donation, madhouselive.com slash donate.
That's where you can do that.
Hello, caller. Thanks for calling. You're on the call.
Hi, good evening, Carlito.
Big Moses
Big Sticks
Big Sticks
Big Sticks
Hey, how's it going, Mark?
Big Sticks
You're confident and information on remaining anonymous. Thank you. Your call will be answered by the next available
Communication specialist. Hopefully there's not long of a wait here. Your call may be monitored for training quality assurance and other purposes
Moses, how are you?
Experiencing high call volume good. I just got back
Please hang up and call your local. They got high call that you're calling. I'm sorry. Where'd you get back from?
You go back to life. Oh
Oh Vacation
I just got back yesterday
Oh cool
Well welcome back
Holy shit Homer
God damn this dog farted
Good god
Oh my god
These
Like they told me
Basset hounds were
Gassy Milkman
And uh
And Moses
And yeah they fucking are
This guy fucking
Right now
Oh you have a basset hound
Yeah we got a little basset hound
He's about
He's uh
About 13 months old right now
He's still a puppy
He's still in puppy mode
He hasn't hit that brick wall yet
Where he just
Becomes fat and lazy
He's still quite
Madhouse Live
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
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Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Carlito Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
What about Fozzy?
No, Fozzy's not black.
Fozzy's just a goofy white guy.
I think.
He's Bill Murray.
Bill Murray, yeah.
Bill Murray.
There you go.
We gotta do more calls.
Grover, man.
Grover doesn't have to be a brother, though.
Grover would be a brother.
No, Grover's a weirdo.
He's just a weird white guy.
He's a brother, though, man.
Look at him, man.
He's purple, brother.
He's a brother.
He likes them chickens, too.
He likes to have the chickens all around him.
What's up with that?
Grover was always...
Are we talking Grover, or are we talking the right guy right now?
Gonzo.
Gonzo.
Gonzo.
Madhouse Live
The Muppets
Just Kermit and maybe a couple of others
Uh, Kermit, yeah, because like Big Bird, we're all Sesame Street
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they didn't even give Fozzie a chance on Sesame Street
Okay, listen, we gotta get to calls here
We're gonna call another IHOP
I think this is a different one than the one I called earlier
I think here
I think
Bye, Homer
Homer's leaving
Thank you for calling Chelsea
IHOP, I'm Golden Rike and how may I help you?
Yeah, we'd like to make orders
Uh, well, we want to pick it up
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
All right, it's going to come large, but it's going to be cooked medium well.
Well, see, I'm hungry.
I don't want any medium well.
I want the large, the large size one.
Okay, there's only one size.
Then why are you saying medium?
Why don't we just call it regular or something?
I guess that's how they cook it, medium rare.
You guess?
Okay, is there a man I can talk to?
I sure can.
Hurry up, honey, and go back to making food, okay, in the kitchen where you belong.
Darling, medium size?
Oh, is there an American man I can talk to?
Is there an American man I can talk to?
Okay, I hear an accent.
Listen, I'm trying to order food, and you let one of the kitchen staff answer the phone,
and she doesn't know what she's talking about?
Obviously?
She's stupid.
You can't?
Okay, maybe you're stupid, you know?
Whatever, fuck that guy.
I thought he couldn't hear me.
I thought he couldn't fucking hear me.
All of a sudden he can hear just fine.
Yeah, what's up?
I was wondering, you and Maddy were talking about how much of a dork you guys were,
but do you guys like watching anime too?
I mean, I've watched anime like here and there, like in the early to mid to late 90s.
I haven't really been super into it though, no.
No, why?
But I may know or I may be interested.
What's going on?
Well, I'm not sure. I stream off of Nine Anime. It's just a website and there's a series that you might like called Baki. And it's absolutely brutal. The reason why I brought it up is because when Matt said that you're a fan of The Simpsons, I knew you'd get the reference about how there was a limited edition of Radioactive Man where they got killed on every single page.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
all you know i was i'm not going to let me ask you if you know i so like
last week i was been g and i stopped and i didn't go back to because i was
working on the phone shit
but there's a boxing anime
what's the guy's name people people yeah people like number one right yeah
fantastic those yeah the whole series is great gas it's great i love that show
show what show ya love that anime it's a great anime I am super excited to
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Chef
okay all right let me have a look here this is from okay i see this is park
metal new numbers ok
and Donald Trump
all check the premise there
yeah don't worry
don't read it just go okay gotcha gotcha gotchak no no I'm saying check the
premise there don't read out loud
I gotcha
I'm not gonna don't spoil what you're saying don't spoil it
all right cool hey I like that idea let's do it okay cool are so we're
gonna call
we're gonna call you're gonna call this program to make some calls you stand
Caller
Caller I've got really bad short term marijuana memory
Did you tell us who you are?
Moses thank you
Pleasure to go order
Yeah
No
What's that call of yucking it up?
It's like a 90's radio commercial
Terrible
Jesus
Go online
HGTP
Hello
AOL keywords
Lovings Roadhouse
Hello
Hello
Stupid
Because I'm making fun of their commercial
Or their fucking ad bullshit
I ain't calling that place back
I ruined the premise
Alright here's a different restaurant
We're going to call a restaurant
Yes I love restaurants
I love eating
I love calories
Dial your dick
You got a great voice Milkman
Yeah
Thanks man
You got a good voice too by the way
How can I help you?
Yes hello
Hello, my name is Agent Cross. I'm on the line with Agent Lopez.
Hi.
Yes.
Okay, I don't know if you understand that President Trump is visiting Evansville right now.
Yes, sir.
All right, he's going to be coming in for an appearance.
Okay.
Okay, at the...
Do you mind if I let you speak to my manager?
All right, yes, please hurry.
That's a good idea.
I'll hold this one moment.
Thank you.
It's good to be working together again.
This fucking music's going to flag us. I'm going to lose my money.
Sorry it's so loud, guys, but if it gets out...
The
Trump one like this.
Take it to him.
God damn it.
I'll call a different one in the meantime.
That was one of the most obnoxious hold.
How can it be of service to you?
To place a to-go order, press 1.
For catering, press 2.
For direction.
Hello?
Still.
Thank you for calling Red Robin of Evansville,
home of the gourmet Barney and Brews.
This is Alicia.
How can I help you today?
Yes, hi, this is Agent Cross.
I'm on the line with Agent Lopez.
Ma'am.
Hello?
Hello?
Yes, we're with...
Hi.
Hi, we're with the Advance Team for Secret Service.
President Trump would like to visit this restaurant at the conclusion of his event tonight.
This will be in possibly 92 minutes.
Give me one second. I'll go put you on the phone with my manager.
You need to be quick. You need to be quick. Let's go. Let's go.
Okay.
Hello? Sir?
Okay, still. That restaurant's freaking out.
Geez.
No one's been cooperating today with the phones.
Hello?
Michael, I'm up.
Yes, hi, Michael. This is Agent Cross.
I'm on the line with Agent Lopez.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
What about cups? Will you provide that, or do we need it?
Well, okay, the cups is a different thing.
It needs to be paper cups only, so your to-go cups are fine if you have those.
Keep in mind, Agent Lopez is the assigned tester today,
so he'll be back in the kitchen.
He needs to watch the food be prepared.
He's going to be, after it's plated, he will be testing it with a kit and also consuming it.
Okay.
All right.
That's no problem, is it, sir?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm writing it down. What's the conversion to Fahrenheit on that?
Okay, that's a good question. It's just under 68 degrees Fahrenheit.
I happen to have the calculator right here.
You asked it a good time.
Nothing over 68 degrees?
Well, for me. But once I test it, you can heat it up again and give it to the president.
You can throw it right in the microwave at that point. We don't care.
Okay, so it needs to get down below 68 degrees and then warmed up over top of that?
Yes.
I don't want the president to get poisoned.
I have my very specific ways of testing each individual piece.
Do you understand?
Okay, good.
Sir, do you have that written down?
We have to hold it.
Now, how many people would be dining with him?
Him, the governor will be there with him.
And there's two candidates for a senator who are going to be dining with him.
And that's it.
No one else is going to be eating.
You've got a female waiting. Do you have females on your waitstaff that can assist?
Do I have a what?
Do you have females on your waitstaff available who can take care of the table? We want two of them.
Okay.
Do you have any African American?
Yes, we do.
Okay, we would like her just to stand there with a pitcher of ice-cold water at all times.
Smart.
The president loves his ice-cold water.
Agent, I have a question.
I have ice-cold water, but I don't know if that other person will be here still, actually. I believe she's leaving.
Oh, shoot. Okay.
I have a very important question.
Go ahead, Agent Lopez, please.
Sir, how much of that paper did you commit to memory?
How much do I have in front of me that's committed to memory?
Yes.
For the most part, everything.
That is wonderful news.
You can eat that piece of paper.
Excellent.
I'm not joking, sir.
Yeah, which member of your waitstaff has the biggest bosoms?
That's who we want to be serving.
Who?
That's who?
I have no clue.
Who has the prettiest labia?
Alright, that's good.
You gentlemen have a great night.
Okay.
Alright, labia.
Minora and Majora.
Majora.
The president prefers a labia Majora.
He's a Majora guy.
Bigly.
Bigly Majora.
The labia Bigly.
He just hung up.
I don't know how long.
I'm sorry, Carlito.
No, that's fine.
We had to end it at some point before he really thought the president and the governor were coming in for a fucking meal.
That was ridiculous that I
What were you trying to tell me
I was hoping you use that agency. I was gonna say beat senators or something like that from another state, right?
That agency with oh don't use Secret Service you're thinking you think we can get into the
Okay, all right true because you know
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Peace Out Moses Tell Old Pharaoh Let My People Go
Or Am I Confusing Moses And Noah
No Noah Was The Flood
Moses Was The Jews
So I'm Right Moses Had A Fucking Stick
But I Thought That Guy Was Noah
He Was The One That Founded A Little Boat
And Was Raised To Be A Pharaoh
But He Was Actually A Little Baby
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Texas Roadhouse
You can throw your peanuts on the floor here.
Okay.
That was loud.
Oof-ah.
Ah, shit.
We're waiting for the Texas Roadhouse to pick up.
This will probably be the last prank of the night.
Legendary food and legendary service.
Shit.
Which location is this?
This is in Indiana, Evansville, where the president is right now.
Echo, stop.
Experienced by purchasing gift cards for your friends.
They're perfect for special occasions and a great way to say thank you.
Ah, fuck it. All right, here's a Cracker Barrel then. Cracker Barrel.
You ever been to a Cracker Barrel? I have. I love them.
They got a fireplace in there.
You gotta get an old fashioned thing.
Thank you for calling.
Country Fried Steak there is pretty good.
Yeah.
And their sausage and biscuits are...
Their sausage, gravy, and biscuits are really good.
I had it.
Last week we had Cracker Barrel.
I picked it up.
Me and Dina.
Nope.
They always have this junk out there in the lobby.
Yeah, they got a store.
It's like you...
Right, yeah.
Well that's remember I told you last week that I had seen Grape Knee High that's where I saw it
Oh okay yeah okay yeah they had the opener bottle opener
Yep they got a whole soda wall like classic soda wall
Uh whatever it's called micro brew
Hi thanks for calling Cracker Barrel this is Kaylin how can I help you?
Yeah hi
Kaylin hello
Hi how can I help you?
You guys take down reservations right?
Um we do not we're actually just first serve first come
Cracker Barrel
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Cracker Barrels Mission Statement
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Cracker Barrels Mission Statement
First Come, First Serve for the Crackers
First Come, First Serve for guests
Alright, so like if my family of eight comes in
You know, a bunch of little crackers walking around
And another group of Orientals comes in
I mean, you know, if it's a tie
Who's it going to?
Who's it going to?
Sir?
I think he heard you laugh
And I think he understood
That girl was like, yeah, sure, yeah, it's all good
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Cracker Barrel Eakers Crackers First
Deal With It
Good work everyone
Thank you so much for your support this week
Thank you
The show wasn't even that good in my opinion
And you guys supported more than usual
That's great you guys are awesome
Alright let's get to some quick voicemails here
I'm going to try to play as many as I can
The rest might have to wait until next week or maybe until Monday
Is what I'll end up doing
Let me see oh yeah there's a whole bunch of voicemails
You think we might do some on Monday?
Madhouse Live
I'll have to go back to obituary guy while that thing loads.
Thank you, Google.
Thank you for that.
Let's play from the bottom up.
Here's the first voicemail.
I fuck you, son of a bitch.
All right.
That was from last week, actually.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Hi.
Yeah, I fucking called up here for, like, clean towels like an hour ago.
You guys still have my room?
This is room 216.
Okay, front desk.
Get my fucking towels up here dammit
I'm fucking pissed
I shit all over the floor
How am I supposed to clean this up
The fuck guys
The fuck man
I'm giving you guys a one star rating
Fuck this
A one star rating
Come on man
You gotta give us a break
We'll get the towels up there
That was a couple shows ago
That was a couple shows ago
I couldn't even hear him
You couldn't hear him
How come you didn't hear him
That was a guy
He said you fucking called him up here
For clean towels
He called for the clean towels
Milkman remember we did that
A couple weeks ago
Remember the funny
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm tired of Milkman masturbating me Yeah Milkman you don't do a good job masturbating the horse and now this guy has to masturbate the horse Well hell the horse has got shoes on Yeah and he's got calluses on his calluses right isn't that what it was? Right you know if you've got shoes on how are you supposed to grab a hold of anything right? Yeah here's another voicemail from Airhead Ooh diarrhea nice That's audio of Milkman being born Nice Did you smell that? No
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Love you Milkman, love you Carlito, bye, love you, bye!
Hey Carlito, this is Chupacabra, man.
I just wanted to tell you I love the show.
I'm a taxidermist here in Texas, so I deal with blood and guts and shit all day long.
Oh, I never thought about that.
If you're a taxidermist, you've got to deal with all the shit in the animal.
Get all the shit out.
You can't leave the shit in the animal.
All the animals rot in bed.
You've got to peel away and hide from it.
Oh, that ain't no cleaning a fish.
You've got to clean a bear out.
Can you imagine how nasty that is with all that bear shit?
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Yeah, man, yeah, all right transcription not available. We will not play that
Here's here's a fan. There's a fan. Oh shit. I got the volume down. Duh
Hold the phone. Let's try this again. Hi Carlito. My name is Ariel. Oh
I just wanted to know if milkman is single and if he is how big is his dick? Okay? Let me know
Hey Milkman, whip out, there you go, there you go
No, that's a legit, that came in tonight actually during the show
Yeah, yeah, there you go
Oh, that's the dude that did a prank call earlier, thank you
Tell the girl I am single, and I will let her know. Let her find out if she wants to know.
Come home. Come home. I know you, bro. I know you, bro. Come home. Come home.
Okay
Let's go from there
Alright
It was not the dead
Yeah this message is for the milkman
Quit fucking my wife
Every time you deliver that milk
Motherfucker
Catch you and I'll fuck you up
Yeah get in his ass
That's what they call him the milkman
He titty fucks everyone's wife
Like two calls before
It's not his fault he's doing a show
Hey Carlito what's up man
I'm on the east coast
I'm listening to your show live. I'm a marine that comments three combat tours.
He's called into your shows and I want all right. I got I'll skip that for now because he called in. He already got in someone here. Just so we can move on. Yeah, you got your time. You got your time. You got your time.
Yo Carlito, it's Kosso. I know you call me Kosso. I know you've shot me a couple of times, you know, or on PlayStation or whatever. I know we haven't played ever, but long time, you know, listening, of course, since I was, what, 12 years old, for fuck's sake.
Oh, wow.
I'm a grown-ass goddamn man now, so.
Nice.
You have been a huge inspiration, so I've been calling and trying to view them for you, bro. Come on, what the fuck's going on?
Goddamn it.
Goddamn horse machine.
Goddamn it.
Come on, leave me, leave me. Let's go.
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Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Give our thanks and prayers to everyone.
Come on, let's go.
All right.
What kind of a big show was that?
Fantastic, guys.
Where am I done?
Okay, guys.
I'm going to say first of all,
Mark Meyers, number 10, man.
I'm your brother, man.
Thanks so much.
I hope to tell my brother.
Thanks, Parkman.
All the other people brought our numbers along tonight.
Thank you so much.
I want to thank everybody that called in tonight.
We've got several callers called in tonight, man.
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I may be doing a show Monday.
Keep your ear balls peeled on the social media for updates on that if it does happen.
Milkman, I'll talk to you later, man.
Take it easy.
Thanks for being on the show.
Definitely let me know because I like to be involved on the Monday show, my brother.
Thank you, man.
Love you, man.
Thanks.
Peace out.
All R.B. lovers.
Milky goo.
See you guys.

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