That’s a Girl’s Name – 9/8/18 Show
8 Sep 2018 · 1 h 19 min · 3,892 words · source
Calls (12, 26 min of 1 h 19 min)
- Kohl's manager Ashley asked about stolen goods ivr 4.6 min clip ↓
- McDonald's mistaken for another live 33 s clip ↓
- Starbucks manager asked to pick up delivery live 3.3 min clip ↓
- Starbucks manager told to pick up delivery again live 1.1 min clip ↓
- McDonald's asked about gay marriage live 7.8 min clip ↓
- McDonald's drive-thru wrong order live 1.1 min clip ↓
- Caller insults wife on call live 33 s clip ↓
- McDonald's caller confirms order details live 1.8 min clip ↓
- Man on phone with Homer live 2.3 min clip ↓
- Drive-thru pickup order live 33 s clip ↓
- Drive-thru customer complains about wrong order live 1.6 min clip ↓
- Calling security company Zone 2 live 1.6 min clip ↓
Transcript
Yeah, you know where I'm at. I'm at Starbucks. Why don't you come over here and fight your actions? Nothing more but being a quivering snake. Okay. Yeah. But sir, next time you call, can you please, you know, just say, hey, this is whoever from Starbucks. No, a truck ordered. There's no reason why you should come to me and say, are you guys going to come pick up your shit? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Language, language, language, language. You just cursed at me.
I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style
That we get from Carlito, that's my big amigo
So just kick back to listen to this cat call people
When this show goes live I be like damn this shit's bitchin'
Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen
You can catch me in the back of his home at Horse Machine Ranch Road
I'm busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos
My spit crazy, shout out to Big Amy, that's nice honey baby
We kissing pussy so ladies touch your labia
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
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So until then, you're stuck with me.
I'm a grifter, you know.
But let's get some shit out of here.
What do you guys say?
Let's, uh, let's call the hell.
Well, let's change the caller ID first.
Just a minute, please.
One moment, please.
And I'm a changing the caller ID machine.
Make it look like I'm calling from the Starbucks machine.
So we're gonna get some shit out of here, motherfuckers.
Fuck yeah.
Fuck yeah.
There we go.
It took it.
It took it.
All right, let's do them pranks.
Coming up next is a Kohl's, Kohl's, K-O-H-L-S.
Kohl's, which even despite the retail apocalypse, is doing good.
As is TJ Maxx, as is JCPenney.
That will show you how things have changed.
Bedding and bath, press 5.
Clothing, press 6.
Jewelry and beauty, press 7.
To replay this message, press 8.
Or stay on the line for assistance.
That's what I need is assistance.
Shit.
Goddamn, right guys?
Transferring, please hold.
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There's like five big boxes of perfumes and colognes.
There's called Calvin Clean here.
Whatever.
Oh, God, what's this here?
Jesus.
There's tons and tons of stuff in here.
There's something.
Givenchy.
Givenchy.
Givenchy.
Let me hold and that way you can talk to one of our managers.
Well, hurry the fuck up.
All right, because I got a lot of shit I got to do.
Let's go.
This is Sarah.
How can I help you?
Hey, Big Sarah, how you doing?
This is Ashley.
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
There's Givenchy, Carl, Calvin, Clean.
Maybe Calvin Klein, yeah, okay.
Okay, all right, and what are we going to do about this?
Actually, I can see if I can get a associate over there.
Why don't you guys keep it in your back room?
If anything, I'll get you over there tomorrow.
Well, some of the guys already took some stuff.
Some of my work release guys took a bunch of that.
Okay, well, you guys will be responsible for that.
No, we're not.
No, we're not.
It got delivered to us.
This is for us.
You need to get someone over here.
I don't have any control over these people, all right?
So you need to get the hell over here and get this shit.
Are you a manager there, Ashley?
Yeah, I am, all right?
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Big Axpa Derpson
Lux is going to be there
A whole bunch of us
If you have any of us landed
Just head over to Facebook and check that out
RSVP or just be there
Logan Square next Saturday
The 15th at noon
In Chicago, Illinois
Downtown Chicago
We're going to be hanging out
We're going to be playing them video games
And drinking them beers
And getting them colonics
I'm not administrating them
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My problem is you're a woman and you're stupid.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you don't.
Shut up, call the cops.
Oh, I'm in an emergency, I'm an asshole.
Stupid.
Call the cops then, I don't give a shit.
Call the fucking cops.
Tell them to come wash your pussy out with a fucking fire hose.
So call the fire department then.
Right, guys?
Yeah.
She gotta pray is what she gotta do.
This is more confrontational than funny.
I'm just venting at this point.
Yeah, so something kind of funny happened a little bit ago.
I'm pretty broke, so I wanted to go out and get something to eat.
You know, I'm going to have a late dinner tonight with the old lady.
So I was like, all right, I'm going to go to the Burger King up the street.
And I started looking for change in the cushions and all this stuff.
And I found enough to cover a Whopper, a plain Whopper with no cheese.
So I went to the Burger King drive-thru, and I waited a long time for one fucking Whopper.
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Quick note, sir.
What?
I'm very sorry to interrupt, and I am sorry for everything that's happening to you, sir,
but I believe you're calling the wrong McDonald's.
No, this is...
Because where McDonald's is located and Walmart...
And the Walmart, yeah.
Yeah, no, I drive up to the Walmart, but you guys make me wait all the time.
Oh.
All right, open your ears.
Listen, so here's what just happened.
I went there and I ordered food, and I didn't pay, and this is not going to work.
Listen, you guys need to get your shit out of here, okay?
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Mariscos Negros
You're mistaking the language.
You're calling for that?
I'm gonna just hang out.
Fucking asshole.
Why are you saying these things?
You're making homosexual, anti-homosexual, anti-black things.
You gotta speak it so you can...
Why would I speak... This is America.
Last time I checked, this is the United States.
Starbucks?
Yeah. I work here. My name's Ashley. I work at the Starbucks.
I'm just getting into it.
I gotta get into it to get the idea.
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The Color Idea
came up with the name
Starbucks
I love it
alright let's do some more
prankies
we're about an hour away
from Dwight McClanahan
pants
Dwight McCranky
pants
here's a big show
planned for you guys
tonight
I can't
I'm not supposed to say
but let me just say
it's gonna be big
hey
what was that
Homer
behave
go to your bed
benejo
favorite music store
since 19
more hours
and address
press 1
to a manager
so soon
steamin' out
Sam Ashton
so this is Brian
hey
Hey, what's going on?
What can I do for you?
This is Ashley. I'm at the Starbucks in the parking lot.
Hello, Ashley.
Yeah, listen, don't make fun of the name.
We got a shipment here of a bunch of your shit.
One of my associates signed over for it without permission.
Okay.
All right, so the first thing I'm going to do is apologize that that happened, okay?
But you need to get someone out of here as soon as you can.
Like, you need to get this shit out of here.
Okay, well, yeah, we don't have any shipments on Saturday or Sunday,
so I'm not sure why you guys have them.
Well, I don't know.
You want me to open up and go through your shit?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
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I'm going to be trying to vlog, you know, the journey and the meeting of the people also.
I haven't decided if I'm going to Instagram that or Snapchat or Facebook Live.
Anybody have suggestions will be the best platform for doing that.
Just posting little videos and pictures here and there as on my journey.
And as you know, I meet McClendon for the first time.
I'm so excited.
We're going to have so much fun and you guys should have fun, too.
You guys should come out.
Hi.
Yeah.
Are you guys going to come pick up your shit?
You guys going to come pick up this shit from here?
from the Starbucks, my name is Ashley, I'm the manager here at the Starbucks
place an order at Starbucks
well no, someone dropped off a delivery for your store here
I don't know what that has to do with us sir
that means you need to come over here and pick up your shit
because I can't have this here
bitch
alright, maybe I was too strong
maybe I was too strong with my approach
my bad
yeah, hi
was I just talking to you and you hung up on me?
I don't know what you're talking about, no one placed an order
okay, a truck came to the Starbucks
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Yeah, right. Yeah, right. How about we call the Starbucks and just see what's going on over there?
Just a minute while I just call her IDs for this operation. Thank you. One moment, please
So far the best one best reaction
She was pretty good
But I think my favorite reaction has been the Sam Ash guitar store music store, whatever they are music supercenter
Everyone's got to be putting super in their names now like it's frickin
1996 who they think they are. Alright if I can find the right tab, here we go. Call back the Starbucks
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There he is. You're watching the camera on YouTube. You see him.
Down here. Hey, buddy.
You might be able to see him over my big fat belly.
My big fat white belly because I'm wearing a white shirt.
White Ralph Lauren shirt with the horse on it.
You know me. Big fan of the horse eyes.
All right. Let's find a Burger King so I can do that idea.
McDonald's. McDonald's. McDonald's.
Un minuto, por favor.
Nunu reminding us that gay marriage or being gay is legal in India now.
Good for them.
A mailbox belonging to McDonald's.
And cannot accept new messages at this time.
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I'm gonna be in a car with Jag TV, Dwight McCranky Pants, myself, of course, my imaginary friend that follows me everywhere, and AXPA. All five of us in the car together at the same time.
And I got all these pranks lined up for these guys. They have no idea the shit. I'm gonna do them. Don't tell them
Alright, we don't have to be no more restaurant. I forgot is this is it. Hi McDonald's. Hello. Hello
McDonald's a Montezuma. Hello fucking ignorant fucking stupid. Hey, if anyone wants to call in you can 405-396-6884
I forgot about that. If you want to give a call
Not much time here, but 405-396-6884
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Free Whopper
Uh
Miracle that happened today
At the Burger King
Here in town
Right before the show started
Because
I'm like right about here
Right now
Oh
I think they had some bad mayo
I'm serious
I'm feeling it
It's like uh
Like a couple midges
Wrestling there in a big
In my big keg
Who needs a six pack
When you can have a keg
Right guys
Yeah party
Matt Hillock style
Paul's not connected
Uh
The phone's busy
He left it off the hook
Cabrón
Maricón
Cabrón de mierda
I don't know why that played
But it did
All right.
Homer, stop farting.
Stop.
Yeah, you, dude.
Don't look at me like that.
Cute, innocent eyes.
You smell like dog shit.
Jesus.
Took his ass to the dog park last Monday.
Or took him there on Monday.
There was a dog peeing, and he started drinking the piss coming out of the dog right from the tap.
No, no, no.
Don't cry.
Be a man.
You don't cry.
Men don't cry.
And your mom's not here.
Thank God.
I can yell as loud as I want.
Athena ain't here.
My mom's on Texas.
How can I help you?
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Cardings
AXPA
Cardings
says
AXPA says
Cardings
you have the
ding numbers
the ding timber
hello
hello
hello
yeah listen
I called earlier
I got a wrong order
when I came through
the drive-thru
okay
alright
All right, and what are we going to do about this?
Say your order number?
I don't know. I need to get a receipt.
All right.
I'm going to have to have you come in then.
Okay, well, I ordered a Big Mac with no lettuce.
All right.
All right, but listen, you want to know what I got?
Do you want to know what I got?
You don't want to know what I got?
Can I tell you?
Can I tell you, stupid?
God fucking shithead.
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Hello
But only
I'd like to tell on you to your wife
Right, let's gonna do know cuz my wife knows. He's a fucking puss now dude
I love this dog, and I talk like this on the show all tough, but I'm a fucking yeah
I yelled at my wife today because she
He got away because of her or not paying attention. That's all I want to say about it
I don't want talking to work by anybody
Hey homie
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All right, when can I come in? Because I want to have your name. I want to eat this first and digest and maybe come around in like three hours. All right, may I have your name so I can write it down in the book? Akulo? A-C-U-L-O? Okay, give me one second. Okay. A-C-U-L-O? L-O. Right. And was the Big Mac just a sandwich or was it a meal? It was a Big Mac just a sandwich and no lettuce. No lettuce? Yeah. Okay. All right. And you just hit the button again.
I apologize, sir, if the phone is messing up, but I'm not hitting any buttons.
Okay, cool. I will see you in a few hours to give you your big mac.
I promise you, sir, I'm not pushing any buttons.
Is there anything else I can do for you?
Hey, Pickles.
Yeah, hey, hello.
Hey, ma'am?
Ma'am.
Bitch?
Hello?
I'm gonna get some of them nuggets.
Bitch?
Oh my god.
God, and these people want $15 an hour.
Yeah, right?
I can't wait for them to get replaced by robots.
Ryan, terminate the call, please.
Alright.
These people won't burn my buns when they're toasting them, ignorant.
Oh, she said something finally.
Damn.
Right when I hung up.
Son of a cock.
My bad.
My bad.
So, I was saying, Ding Timber, were you keeping that a secret, or did you get numbers?
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Good point, good point.
Excuse me.
And, okay, all right, let's do a call.
How about that?
How about some, oh, God, I'm going to throw up.
Oh, man, free burping.
There's no such thing as a free lunch, man.
Am I right, my friend?
Oh, yeah, you're either burping or shitting the rest of the day.
What if I do both at the same time?
You ever shit and throw up at the same time?
No, I've come close.
Yeah, I did it in the shower once.
I mean, it's a good place to do it, right?
For it to happen.
Yeah, I always grab from a trash can that's next to the toilet.
I got a donation from Big Hijinx
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Voice Messaging System Marsha Lobsters
I was going to tell you, I'm not sure if you noticed this, but on your YouTube, it says replay.
That's the Madhouse Radio.
I always forget something, man.
It is. It's too late anyway.
Whatever. Let it go.
Yeah, I got to make a list, like a checklist, like a pre-flight checklist, because I keep adding more stuff to do, and I always forget something.
God damn it.
Thanks for letting me know.
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This is a man's...
Is a boy's...
Is a girl's name.
It is a girl's name.
Yeah, Ashley's a girl's name.
Okay, Carlos.
Pranks, come on, man.
Move it, move it.
I was changing the caller ID here.
Focus.
Okay, we're back.
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Clump Planks for sale you you have black walnut uh planks for sale hurry up i got some wood for
you baby yeah hi i'm calling about the wood yeah all right what kind you got how long are these
they're six foot uh i gotta start measuring on today them i've got maybe 26 foot the rest of
them are 9 10 12 okay good okay all right all right well i wanted to see if i could get some
I got a truck full of bibles that I'm trying to burn.
Like, just the bibles out the truck.
Hello?
Jesus Christ, you heard me tell you.
Homer's over here.
Oh my god, Homer.
What's wrong with you?
Alright, I don't know what happened.
We lost Dwight and we lost the fucking... the shit.
I think maybe homer just has to drink some water
god damn you
god damn you
eat my dick like food
If you're satisfied with the message you have pressed an incorrect key if you're satisfied with the message press 1 to listen to your message press 2 to a message review god damn you eat my dick like food if you're satisfied with the nice to leave the number from which you are calling press pound to leave another callback
this dog is driving me nuts let me play a prank call real quick
and hopefully come back for like five to ten minutes more of show
okay i'm gonna play some prank calls prank calls give me a second sorry guys
gotta take care of the dog how you doing there sir hello hello sir can you have a piece of paper
uh i'm sorry we're closed no can i make an order for pickup no we're closed do you have any paper
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Red Kip
Nasty period blood meat and food
and you mix it in your rice.
What's that about?
It's a possible kind of fetish.
Put one of those Japanese people on the phone.
No, I command you to put a Japanese man on the phone.
Awesome.
Thanks.
Who needs a sidekick check
when you got that guy around?
Sounded like the same thing to me.
I don't know.
How you doing?
I'm good.
Do you folks offer solutions
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
people like you have a nice have a nice evening for those stupid kids to my job
okay I may help you you tell those motherfuckers in the fucking background to shut the fuck up
and take down my information I'm the person I am why don't you call me a motherfucker
you motherfucker you do not call this you do not call this line and talk like that as a matter of
fact don't call back again you piece of trash I've got your phone number I've got your number
I've got two numbers that you just called from I'm going to report them to the police I'm blocking
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fucking ding timber those in full effect fuck yeah we're gonna hold it down for brad if you
want to call in and troll me 405-396-6884 405 39 mouth you got a few minutes here to sneak in
and say bad things claire we lost a patient everyone here's another mickey d's i think
last year my favorite ding timber call was the one i said to the lady that i was playing frisbee
with my dog and that's why the car got dinged and she's just like why why you go to a parking lot
What? To play with your dog, Frisbee?
Hey, Cameron, that's a girl's name.
Yeah, listen, I just want to let you know, I came through the drive-thru there a little bit ago.
Hello? Cameron. Cam-oron.
He asked if there was anything he could do for me, and he left.
Fucking penis.
Cool, but that's a girl's name. I could say that about anything.
It is a girl's name.
Cameron Diaz. Got him.
Yeah, Cameron just hung up the phone on me.
My name's Cross. I just came through the drive-thru, and you guys messed up my order?
What are we going to do about this? What are we going to do?
I don't know how your order was messed up. Can you please inform me?
Yeah, I ordered a Big Mac, just a sandwich, with no lettuce.
What I received was three plain cheeseburgers, two quarter pounders with cheese, and two large fries.
And the girl gave me the food at the thing, and she didn't even take my money.
Anything coming up in my...
Yeah, well, I got a big bag of food here.
Exactly what it was that had happened.
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You always gotta bring the food back.
What are they gonna do?
Throw it away?
Are they gonna inspect it to see who made the mistake?
Are they gonna run it through a spectrometer?
God damn it.
Got him.
Four minutes left.
About time for one more prank call.
Smith and Wesson, Zone 2, Fat Carl.
What do you mean Zone 2?
You want me to call a security company called Corporate Security and tell them Zone 2?
Is that what you're trying to communicate?
Speak to them.
They're there for sentencing.
Please.
Don't just yell, phone Zone 2.
Hell Yeah
Big Hug
Wendy's
Home of the Whopper
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I'm sorry but we don't do whoppers in here
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Thanks for doing that.
Thanks everyone who's donated.
You guys are awesome. You guys rock.
Yeah.
I want to thank everyone who donated
Super Chat Machines today.
I think there were a couple in there.
I can't see them, but shit.
I gotta go. I gotta go.
I can't wait anymore. I'm sorry. Thanks everyone who has
donated tonight. I don't have full
tallies in front of me, but I'll be sure to thank
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