MadhouseLive

What Have We Learned – 9/20/18 Show

20 Sep 2018 · 2 h 36 min · 8,884 words · source

Calls (17, 27 min of 2 h 36 min)

  1. Prank caller orders takeout live 48 s clip ↓
  2. Call about to-go order live 48 s clip ↓
  3. Call about police station and dings live 33 s clip ↓
  4. Caller claims to be Catholic priest live 33 s clip ↓
  5. Caller asks for insurance callback live 48 s clip ↓
  6. Audi call forwarded to voicemail ivr 33 s clip ↓
  7. Call Nation asked about Mexican flag printing live 1.1 min clip ↓
  8. Prank call to Ramona about dinged car voicemail 6.1 min clip ↓
  9. Prank Local Diner bread allergy live 1.3 min clip ↓
  10. Call Nation host interaction live 1.6 min clip ↓
  11. IHOP ordered eggs with heat live 2.3 min clip ↓
  12. IHOP asked for ashtrays and virginity live 1.6 min clip ↓
  13. Roscoe's chicken and waffles hours inquiry live 48 s clip ↓
  14. Rent payment service asked about coupon code live 3.6 min clip ↓
  15. Amazon affiliate link joke live 1.1 min clip ↓
  16. Jamaican Beef Patties order live 1.1 min clip ↓
  17. Indian restaurant order chaos live 3.6 min clip ↓

Transcript

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito
That's my big amigo so just kick back to listen to this cat call people
When the show goes live I be like damn this shit's bitchin'
Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen
You can catch me in the back of his home at Horse Machine Ranch Road
I'm bustin' mad fat flows for assholes and banchos
My spit crazy, shout out to Big Amy, that's nice honey baby
We kissin' pussy so ladies such a labia
It's crazy how the stuff that my bruh might say to ya
Face it, cause it's the number one prank cast
Stay back if you can't handle all the straight laughs
That we hand to your dome
And if you want, call the number
You can listen to this show on the go
Big up to the man in the madhouse
He showed up to stick your motherfuckin' hands up
Some come close, but they can't get it right
Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live
Their assist compassionate to McAllis
Was hedonist dissent
Yeah, goddammit
Hello?
Pardon me?
Can you hear me? God damn it.
What do you need, sir?
Oh, well, I was calling because you know that Jose that works there?
Jose?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Is he there now?
No.
Why?
Stupid.
That audio sounds fucked up, man.
Fucking, I blame GI for this.
And me dragging a fucking studio equipment to Chicago for no fucking reason.
The fucking shit.
Now the phone sounds all weird.
God damn it, really.
Shit.
Well, I wasn't saying nothing funny because it was taking a while to get this shit to go.
Look, I wanted it to.
I think it needs some bass.
Some basses.
Hey, I was calling earlier about Jose that works there.
Okay, which one?
The Hispanic one.
Which one?
Well, I don't know.
I mean, how do you want me to describe him?
How do you want me to describe him?
What do I tell you?
Well, we have two of them.
What is his last name?
I don't know.
so does it have the last name on the on the ID on the name tag it doesn't right
they're all the same they come out to the table like I don't know what you say like the which one
well we have two of them okay we have a server and we have a server it tastes like hot dogs
you know the one stupid idiot woman you hear that it's like beeping and shit it's all over
Madhouse Radio
20th that's a Thursday we're still doing shows on Thursday I'm Carlito I'll be your host for
tonight um I got like a brain funk because I kind of started a keto diet and I'm in a serious
ketosis headache keto flu kind of thing I don't feel good at all you know so I'm hoping that I'm
able to manage um I can't guarantee how long I'll go tonight but we need to at least talk about
Matt Baz Milkman
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Yeah, so just to recap, so everyone knows we all, of course, met up.
We had a Chicago meetup.
How many people showed up at that place?
You say between 20 and 30, right?
I'm going to say about 25 total.
There were some people that couldn't stay.
They just came in for an autograph and pictures.
There was this one guy that came in.
That's so Brad can sign his little fucking caller ID box or something like that.
That was neat.
An original caller ID.
Hey is milkman is milkman here milkman is not here no not tonight damn it i wanted to tell him
oh he should be on that tomorrow tomorrow next week rather excuse me um that's what tomorrow
oh yeah yeah nobody got the herps because of these old ladies were all asleep that uh
there was a massage envy guy was that he is he the one that got the shit signed
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You know my second job, I can't talk about it. He goes, well, you're a vampire.
That was fucking smooth.
And he's really good at that. Very observational of himself.
All I'm going to say, selfless plug, youtube.com slash jack tv network.
The vlog's going to be up sometime this week. I've got a lot of footage.
Oh, yeah, that will be cool.
I'm excited.
Go enjoy your karaoke because you kept trying to push it on us all weekend.
830
7 o'clock
I was out
you guys have a great show
thank you for including me
we'll talk more about other shit
go bye
yo bob wants to say bye
bye bob joe
bye buddy
hey yo bob
yo bob is a good egg
Hey buddy
Big penises
Vagina
Sex
So anyway Matt started out by
As soon as I got off the train
Freaking getting me good
How did you go about that
What did you tell the people in your building
What did you tell them
The text I sent my friend
I said my friend should be here in about a half hour
Here's a
Send a picture of you
And I said just fuck with them
Yeah, because there's door there's like a little entryway and then you got to get buzzed in and get in the door man
You need to walk up like five steps to get it. There's like this marble black marble granite steps
Yeah, so I get off the train and I think this is on video me explaining this
But what the heck I'll tell you guys now I get off the train and I'm I'm a medical marijuana patient
So I'm traveling with my medicine, you know, cuz why not?
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So now I gotta walk, I had to walk completely around the whole block, like really sneaky suspicious as hell with a really big bag.
You ain't no crook son, you're just a shook one.
I had a big luggage and a big full backpack and another bag, so I'm suspicious as hell.
I just got off the train and so I get to Matt's place and all the doors except for one are locked.
Is that normal?
I mean I hate that.
Yeah, yeah, usually.
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I thought they were straight up look like like Chicago cops like I would say in the movies, you know, the untouchables. Oh, yeah
Yeah, they're in like like a suit jacket
Like my doorman they dress all sharp. Yeah, I thought he was like some kind of undercover
Fucking FBI dude and like I was like some hitman. Yeah
Like the game character shit just a black like plain black suit like business
Madhouse Live
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Yeah, we were no longer than 10 minutes away from the hotel.
And, like, there was heavy construction, real heavy traffic.
Of course, it was about fucking rush hour about that time.
And I shit you not, these semis were merging into our lanes like they didn't give a fuck.
And they fucking literally ran us onto the shoulder to where we actually drove on the shoulder for, like, the next, I would say, like, three quarters of a mile.
Like, just fucking flying.
And we weren't the only ones.
Like, there was other cars doing it, too.
So, like, fuck it.
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Park's in the bank parking lot like customers only gets an orange toe sticker slapped on his
fucking uh window we would only he'd only been there about 10 minutes i mean they were on top of
it yeah so like he's out there driving his car around circling trying to find a spot like blocks
away has to get his valuables out and leave his window down so that fucking tag is invisible he
doesn't get towed on the streets now any of this yeah it's not that he was just driving looking
Madhouse Live
Caller Wall
So nobody sees Matt
But he was the only one that did it
So that's where I got real mad at Jad
Because you know
I'm pointing at an obvious spot to him
He's right in front of me
And I look and I see Matt
On the side of the street
Pissing in the jug
And Brad's trying to cover him
And I'm like I haven't met Brad yet
And I really want to meet Brad
Like this is fucking Brad
I've been waiting my whole private career
It was like such a
Madhouse Live
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oh god dammit coño man give me a second I gotta fix the mice the mice the mouse the mouse
that would be so fucking hard with like two oh we played the fuck out of some smash
hi Nicole I was calling because of Jose he told me to give him a call here is he not in can you
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The
Why is it so funny?
It's stupid. I love the fuck. It cracks me up
I don't know it
They kind of ran Jose our server through the ringer a little bit. I mean he wasn't the best
Oh, yeah, I didn't I didn't know what you wanted with Josie and Mike what deal was
I was gonna ask
Wait a minute. Why didn't that Jose show up? What the fuck? What happened Jose Bravo?
Madhouse Live
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
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uh... in silicon valley region
that's uh... that's northern california lake san francisco area
in like six months like around saint paddy's day
zax is going to come over
and we're
getting a house um... so far
uh... and like meeting
meeting at we're trying to do another like bar katie type thing
yeah
so
So I found one, I think, that's all ages.
Okay.
Yeah, and so that would be in San Francisco.
Are you going to come to that, Dwight?
Because you guys, I mean, it's kind of expensive.
That's a rough one.
Because it's six months.
Yeah, but if I have to go, like, by train, it's like I would have to be on a train for 50 fucking hours.
Dude, you get in an airplane.
I'm too big to fit.
They're going to make me buy two seats.
Oh, then buy two seats.
It's six months.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
I did have that feeling here's here's one of the dead so you guys should be able to hear this
hey you know what you know I know I have no car right now you
I was looking where it is.
It's right by Flinton and California.
And that's a blue line.
UIC blue line.
So I could grab the CTA over here and go over there for cheap.
And walk to that fucking bar.
But the thing is, I'm not going to have any motherfucking money.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
and to go to the f**king dude line so um f**k I'm gonna have to f**king pick up something else right now okay
yeah I told them yeah I know so I told them I told them hey we'll give you the dollar just make it
and uh he just said I'll send an Uber like to come get you and you'll pay for it yeah he didn't
then he just said police here and I think he was just you know he said family problems and I think
Prank Caller
Well Hello
I forgot the address
Hey I'll get help you
Hey honey I want to make an order
I want to make an order honey
Oh sorry we're not doing the order
Why?
Cause uh somebody says we're losing money over it
What do you mean you're losing money over it?
Yeah if someone orders to go over the phone they're not going to get it
Put the manager on the phone
The one is in charge right now sir
You're in charge right now?
Yes sir
So you're the one that made this decision?
No the owner they told me
Fucking asshole
You're a fucking asshole
Goodbye sir thank you
Get cancer, bye
Jesus Christ
Get cancer, wow
I'm not asking for trouble at all
From God, everything's gonna be fine
Oh, shouldn't I be the dinger?
Don't we have the car dings?
Where are the car dings? Where do I get them?
Okay
Yeah, I was calling about that to-go order
Okay, can I make that, please?
Fuck, fucking shit
You know that?
That's fucking shit
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I'm confused.
Yeah, oh no, okay, yeah, it starts where the, I talked about the police station, and then there's John, Anita, Mike, Jimmy.
Okay, all right, so.
The two Audis in the last one.
Oh, there's the Audi, okay, I got it.
All right, I'll work my way down from there.
All right, let's do a couple dink calls, then we'll keep talking about the stupid.
The first number is the police department, though, so I don't know if we'll mess with that.
I'm just happy people showed up, because remember, even in the morning, I was like, are people going to show up?
If you need help with the inmate phone system, please hang up and dial.
One
Oh my god
Jesus
I don't know if I want to mess with that one
I'll do John
Someone was ballsy enough
That they went to the police station
And peppered all the fucking cop cars
With fucking ding notes
Yeah but there have been cops themselves
Like on news stories last year right
A cop said that this isn't really a crime
You know
Yeah but who's ballsy enough to go down the aisle
And put it on all the fucking cops cars
How do you explain that when they notice
That you've put it on every car
Like alright this guy obviously dinged every single car
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I wanted you to know who did it.
Okay, you did.
Are we done?
Do you need anything else?
Well, what can I...
What are you taking care of?
Did you...
All right, well, I mean, do you need to trade insurance information or something?
No, because I think you're full of shit.
You're not going to pay anyway, so I already paid for it and took care of it.
So, thanks for calling back.
No, I actually wanted to help you.
I wanted to make it right.
I'm a Catholic.
Sir, I'm a Catholic priest.
I'm not like that.
I'm a Catholic priest.
I don't...
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
Yes, I am.
Motherfucker, you.
Yes, I am a Catholic priest.
Hey, can everybody out there that has iTunes go type in Prank Call and just see what shows pop up?
Hey, and also put a review for Matt's podcast.
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
Oh, yeah, that'd be cool.
Yeah, and mine too.
I'm just curious because I want to know if it's like that.
Call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
Because, like, it's crazy that we're all...
Well, you guys should be, but I'm in there at all.
In the little list of...
We've got to get Dwight in there, man.
He is, he is.
I guess I just need to find an independent way to upload an RSS feed, I guess.
I mean, I still have the credentials for iTunes.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The party time is on there at all.
Well, I mean, hey, you've got a slow but steady following.
You put up a regular product.
You've got your followers.
You know people dig you.
A lot of people ask about that for you, Dwight.
They want to see you back on the podcast feed.
Yeah, I mean, it should be easy enough to do once I figure out the R.S.
I mean, I'll probably just have to ask her.
Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I can't stay awake
well hey at least he was with you
hey I couldn't but I tried to hang
I tried too I was even trying
you did try it was a value
when he wasn't spraying me on the face with a shower
you tried
I got Dwight good in the shower I didn't talk about that
I can't believe all these showers
you guys took
well I was telling you I normally take two
two showers a day
I'm not ashamed to admit that
I've made big
big complaints
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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I'm trying to be a dickhead like with all the messages, but I know you'd want to know that it sounded so bad, you know, like it's like the beginning of the show when I'm like, hey, your audio is bad.
Your audio is like, oh, it's OK.
It's fixed now.
Thank God.
Thank God.
Come on, Mike.
Oh, wait.
I'm supposed to be setting my caller ID to the number.
Dwight, can you tell me?
Can you send that to me, please?
What the number should be for the caller ID?
Uh, yeah.
Let me try to find it.
I guess you could just give it out, right?
Because it's public knowledge, right?
Uh, yeah.
Find it, uh...
I don't know. I should.
Oh, it's probably whatever my
Skype number is.
Alright, Ding Timber
Numbers.
It is 310
356
0801
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I heard I heard some ghost on the mission so if it's something's talking leave your message for Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy I didn't know we're done with that we don't do that here here's an Audi once insurance information no name went by the owner maybe call him that
you got voicemails for those ones
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I was just wondering if you could give me a call back so that we could discuss insurance and how you want to handle paying for the damages and covering those damages for the car.
So, if you could please give me a call back at this number 314-
I could have a ball with this cat, I think, without even yelling.
Yeah, just talk to him and just annoy the shit out of him.
Yeah, oh yeah, just right.
The second one, or the other one, is the father after we hadn't responded to him.
Was it like, you're trying to scare me?
To an automatic voice message system.
BABABOO
I got it, I got it.
The father could be phoned.
Fuck you.
That went pretty quick.
So is the next number the father's number then?
Yeah.
It's the father's number.
So I'm gonna say your Nancy Boy's son called up and didn't let his phone ring.
I think he's on the phone right now.
I think he's on the phone right now so that might be what's going on.
But let's try the dad.
Not found.
Oh.
Try the dad.
BABABOO
BABABOO
but i just thought i was gonna say something
he is a good word
are you ready, this is the father
and what's the kid's name?
we have no names
it's an audi
your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message
i have no message
oh no, kids, no
did you have more stories from the meetup?
yeah, we can
so where we at?
the meetup was fun
i was just thinkin' where you were in the tales
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
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I thought it suited him but he didn't want to keep it oh did you see that video and fucking
literally like like being the captain telling telling waste of memory how to drive the truck
from the backseat like I got a video nice like he's captain around he really is the captain
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Can you do a Mexican flag?
Say that again?
Can you do a Mexican flag in the back window?
No, we don't do printing.
Oh, shoot.
Can you do the Mexican flag colors?
We don't do printing.
We have a blue and black color.
Just blue and black.
Okay.
Okay, because I wanted to get a printing in the back of the Mexican flag,
and I was going to write shit really big on it, you know?
Well, yeah.
Well, you can try to color it.
You know, a company, a sign shop.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
And I'll get them to do a Mexican flag, and I'm going to write shit, S-H-I-T, really big on it, you know?
And I'm going to put stupid on it, stupid.
And I'm going to put shit.
I'm going to put dogs, paid woman.
Well, wait. You can do anything.
Okay. All right. So you can give me some blue, right?
Yeah.
Okay. Do you have a good, do you know a guy who can do good drawing?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
This is very nice.
You fucking killed me, man.
Funny, nice, friendly Mexican guy.
This video that Legend did is like our whole playing all of us.
Kevin Slong is really neat.
Right, so how did Legend get the copy of me getting pranked by your front desk people?
He got it before you watched it.
Reggie
because he's a mother fucking legend
hanging around with
a known hacker
a federally convicted
hacker
no they
because they came back to my crib
and the doorman played it for them
while I slowly
walked back to my apartment
legend
said he's like oh you guys haven't got the
file yet this is like the live leak version
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Oh yeah yeah Parkman had the Madhouse shirt yeah yeah and I'm real
disappointed in the dad if you did you know we would have gone pick them up I'm
very disappointed everybody after about 9 p.m. all right so all right so we
We were like, we were going to do pranks.
Chad was like, we're going to do pranks.
We're going to do pranks.
We're all together.
All right, fine.
That's right.
Oh, yeah.
Let me tell real quick.
Next door was my reefer store.
And so I was able to go over there and buy whatever.
And I took it upon myself to buy a dab rig and a cram of shatter to share with my friends
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and nobody wanted to engage in the dabbering bubbler uh or the free shatter yeah they wanted
to go to sleep instead i did i just had to wait for some white kids to show up with the torch
yeah well because you guys didn't buy one mama they way there's the one thing i asked yeah sorry
did you did you cover the asshole pizzas at the ghetto or to get together uh the asshole pizzas
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
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And we're going to get to some ding numbers here.
Oh, hey, I reinstalled the vanilla GTA so we can play online together.
I want to get those mods you're playing because that should look tight.
Oh, dude, it looks like garbage now.
Oh, yeah, in comparison.
Dude, I have it turned up to ultra and everything.
And I'm like, oh, my God, this looks like pixelated.
I can't believe it.
Closed Captioning provided by the Amara.org community
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
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I also add Ramona, Ramona is a woman whose car was dinged, holy jeez, you wanna do one
Dere Dwight, since you've been nice and friendly, maybe someone will answer for you, Dwight,
Dwight, I think Dwight is making boop boop call, hello, hey, you're on Carlito's Madhouse
show, nice, hello, hi, is that Ramona, hello, Ramona, yeah, hi, yeah, you called me, you
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Matt Baz Milkman
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
You got it all on video.
I'm sorry?
Keep going. Keep talking.
You got it on video? You got this phone call on video?
Is it a color video?
Are you stupid? Are you stupid?
No, I'm not stupid. Come on. Be serious, man.
Do you want me to help you out with a car or no?
We got to get something in. We got to get it in. Get it in.
All right, they're just, I'm not being funny with them.
And they know that it's a joke, so I just cut it off. I'm done with that.
Okay?
Aye, aye, Captain.
Yeah, right.
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You have reached the voicemail box of
They said I got didn't want me to drink stuff like that
Haven't talked about the next me to be able we did right we were talking about San Francisco Bay Area
If we can move it for to a year that would give me enough time to save up in Dwight enough time to either save
Up and or lose weight like he's trying
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
15th, 16th, and 17th of March in San Francisco.
Oh, okay.
All right.
15th, 16th, and 17th, you're saying?
Well, we would have to do it on one.
Yeah, yeah.
The meetup would have to be the Friday or Saturday.
And it's the place that I'm looking at.
I still got to talk it over.
It's all ages.
Prank Local Diner
I don't know it's what do you give a shit it's your house it's it represents the time of my life hang on let me do a different one this one says close a time of my life that I don't necessarily want to go back to when I had to urinate and set up a container it's yeah but you're doing it you're doing it out of fucking just being on the show with your fucking people who want to hear you well I got video too and I don't want people to see my wiener you know hi you're not on youtube hey oh
Oh no you weren't I said I need some I need and what kind of bread do you
have any I'm allergic to all the bread do you have do you have an allergic bread
we have seven grain bread biscuits garlic bread English muffin gluten-free
English Muffin
I started it late.
I did start it late on accident.
Now, what's going to be the name of that state
that we're visiting after January?
It's California.
Yeah, but it's going to be split up into three states
by that time.
Oh, why would that be?
Because they're trying to do it.
They're not going.
It's all garbage. Stop watching
the fucking news, dude.
Oh, I think they're going to have signatures.
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I'll be right back
I love it man
they put your GPS in your box
and a trap door at the bottom
so when you die you open that trap door
at the bottom you check the GPS
and you go straight down to the hell
Madhouse Radio is back
you are bigger than a woman
you are better than a woman
do not let a woman
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt House Tsk tsk tsk
Hi Guys. How are you doing?
all right great great guy
Now I hope I didn't screw up the machine Skype anyone on Skype want to say hi hola hola Skype
I'm also joined by homer the dog homer jay in the house right now
It would be great to hear from Skype if any of three of you are there can talk say something right now. Let me know
Mm-hmm. Anything? Okay. Anyway, we're regaling you guys with boring stories about our meetup that you probably missed
Thanks to everyone who joined our meetup. I want to thank especially everyone who donated for me to be able to go to that
I greatly appreciate it. I got a lot of good feedback
It was kind of cool because I got to you know, a few of the fans that came out were like, you know
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I thought the music was just playing.
Oh, okay.
So I was like, came back at this hell of a piss.
Okay, all right. Fine. Thanks. Thank you.
All right.
Did you just see what a lady in my MS group wrote about our group picture?
Oh, the big one with us taking shots and stuff?
Yeah, yeah.
Or just drinking? Just hanging out?
No, the one with all of us standing together.
Yeah?
She said, sounds like a fun group to gather together after years online.
and then it quotes cute guys indeed and more friends than i claim on any given day
love your artistic walker too color that's just about me but uh oh the group is that's nice is
this a is this a local ms group uh i don't think it's like an old lady in georgia but i'm just
saying well you can you know give them you know georgia oh i guess well it's just nice that she
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
I just want them over heat.
Okay, so you want them over easy?
Over heat.
I know that, but you want them over easy?
No, I don't like them when they're drippy. I want them over heat.
So you want them sunny side up?
No. Do you have a lubricant, an edible oil food grade lubricant that you apply to the surface of the skillet?
No, I don't.
Oh, you have to spray that down with it, then apply heat to the correct dosage?
They use canola oil for that.
Okay, so sure, that's a lubricant.
Okay.
That's an oil-based, plant-based lubricant.
All right.
And did you want bacon or sausage?
One meat.
Cooked?
Cooked.
Which meat did you want?
The hot meat.
Okay.
Yeah.
You know, it comes from pork.
Pork meat.
It's fucking killing me, man.
Go.
It's so fun.
I love it.
And he was having fun.
See, that whole thing was good.
Everybody's happy.
Everybody had fun.
and no food got made and wasted right you know what i mean exactly yeah like i laughing or
listening his laugh but that was it was funny i hope so i really worry about that like i see
setting up like does it come with i mean it's gonna like oh here comes the eggs with hate
what what a fun shot
Why?
Did somebody just withdraw you like a stupid sitcom character saying like eggs with heat?
Oh man.
A comic book character that says eggs with heat?
Yeah like you know like the Eva Shorce man.
Oh fuck.
Here's another IHOP.
Can anybody help me right now?
Can anybody help me?
Hi honey!
That's just really how you answer a phone.
Closed Captioning by Kris Brandhagen. brandhagen.com
I need to make an order as well
I figure someone else
should try something because
she hung up on dick portal
hey Zax
maybe the next
IOP we call
you tell them that we need cigarette
or ashtrays in the room
and that
you lost your virginity
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Carlito Must Be Bad
You guys look like old
fucking ladies
Alright so yeah we didn't get to that Matt got real
upset because alright so
what time is it Matt you claim that
everyone got kicked out because I wasn't
there for this
I was downstairs taking a shower getting peeped
on by Wasted Memory in your room
I came gathered with my stuff
and I was feeling tired but then I bumped into you
and Wasted Memory and Lux
and Lux's little
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
You wouldn't, and that's, again, you're old women.
I don't get it, but you didn't.
Here's the interview in the car, if you'd like to hear it.
I would get arrested. I would get hooked instantly.
I'm sorry, I didn't try some.
No, no, man.
Yeah, don't say, don't talk queer, but I'd say talk to him.
Carlito, here's the...
What? You're listening.
Huh?
Yeah, what? Huh? There's what?
Here's the minute car ride where you interviewed Matt about what the problem was.
Okay.
The best parts of it I didn't catch.
He kept toning down whenever I turned on record.
It's like Jad and Jag were like, it's time to go to bed at 11.
Like, party's over.
Well, you know, that's midnight for us because we're not from here.
Still, it's a Saturday night and you're young.
We're married with children and we work.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
let me ask you right quick why is it okay to fuck with indian people like racist but not any other racist um i mean i don't know they get really angry when they get angry indians are funny i guarantee if you called them chicken shacks and called them spooks they would get angry yeah
Yeah, I had on those two.
But, like, bhenchod isn't really a racial slur, it's just they're a...
Well, it's, it's, uh, and our Mexican restaurants and saying something, you know, like a sisterfucker in Spanish.
Um, like, why is it Indians?
Okay, like, everybody's, it's okay to shit on, I'm not, I'm not saying that, I don't give a fuck.
No, you're shitting, you're shitting while waiting for the person you're calling to eat that.
No, I mean, it's not really racist, you're just calling them a motherfucker, just saying what you would call them.
Yeah, I'm saying, why doesn't that happen in Chinaman restaurants or Mexican restaurants?
Why is it that it's Indians all the time?
Oh no, we're going to get blocked on the YouTube.
You know?
Yes, I know.
I don't think anybody understands.
Because we hate Indians. Indians are shit.
I'm not, yeah.
Hello?
No, I'm...
Hi, this is Valerie. I'm currently unavailable to take your call.
I thought you heard what we said about
I just
I don't understand how
everybody's just like that's
an acceptable race to fuck
with
they're funny to mess with they just get
so little like because they're supposed to be
such a peaceful society you think with the
Buddha thing but you just hear them and they're
just like yeah their insults
are funny I mean come on you know it's all
I'm gonna fuck your sister
that's any
Any that's any ethic like if you'll be started calling all guatemalan places or something
Yeah, like how is it that indian is like like what is the thing to fuck with, you know?
Yeah
If you put a microscope on anything
You can find the funny like if you started calling all lebanese restaurants and finding whatever
Call Nation Madhouse Live
or whatever just any you know what I'm saying like any sure any first generation people are
gonna be funny and you can yeah like why is it okay and nobody happy I'm not available right
now but if you leave your name and number I'll get back to you as soon as I guarantee if this
was you know black restaurants people would not find it funny well I mean as long as I mean if
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't know dude dude dude just saying like I just I don't know it's okay it's okay all he's
doing is saying Indian curse words he's not just curse words is all I'm saying okay then call the
there are calls in Mexican restaurants with Mexican curse words yeah let's call some black
let's call some black people and say fuck you but I'm saying there are no calls of Mexican
restaurants some black people be like hey man what's up man all right yeah you know what I'm
I'll call a waffle place right now.
Take it easy.
Don't be so angry.
You're sore at me.
Call a black people restaurant.
Or Chinaman restaurants and say,
Ching Chong, whatever, whatever the fuck.
Look up fuck you in Chinaman.
I don't know.
Well, they got so many dialects, too.
And I tried occurs in Chinese and they never get it.
The answer is because this is America and we're afraid to be racist against black people.
Yeah, this is Carlito's show.
Yeah, that's the most important.
All right, but I'll do it. Thank you for calling Roscoe's house of chicken and waffles. There is that work for you?
5 1 4 North. Oh, it's just about hours are Monday through Thursday, 830 a.m. until 12 midnight.
Friday, 830 a.m. until 4 a.m. Saturday, 8 a.m. until 4 a.m. and Sunday, 8 a.m. until 12 midnight.
What do I hit here? Brad is available on a first. The selection is invalid.
Hit the C Button
Get the Letter D
Sorry you are having trouble
Oh god
Well that was great
Yay
Way to derail things Hillock
Yeah Hillock jeez
Man
It's Complaint Estáreo, definitely
Steam Break Hillock over here
Everybody's standing on here smoking dope having a fun time and here comes hillock the
tornado to ruin everybody's night well fuck him then you should have fucking
water and throw it in his face yeah hey man how you doing what's up man i want to make an
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Spencers Gifts
Black Stores
I'm just asking other than Indian
There's no Cantonese calls
There's no I mean nobody
Indian people react like a really certain way though
They just freak out
They're like you know fuck you son of a bitch
I think it's cause like
They're like
They speak a lot of English
Here you go Carlito I'm firing you some
Non-Chinese black owned restaurants
And why don't Chinese use more cheese in their food
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Can take your order
Well, because I heard that the Cantonese are dirty people
That only the Mandarin are good from Hong Kong
Are good, clean people
Sorry, I don't understand
Oh, come on
Are you Mandarin or Cantonese?
Come on, ni hao?
That was fun
Yeah, I sure think I'm
It shows how learned you are, buddy
Isn't it Cantonese in Hong Kong?
You might be right
You would know because you're, you know
You personally used to own them
You had a stake in them
Yeah, yeah
10-4
Mr. Dwight McClank
which are the black owned restaurants
alright
go ahead everyone Brett has a floor
oh I was just wondering
did you do any carving calls on this show
because I missed the first hour and a half
yeah there was just one arguing one right Dwight
everyone else did an answer I think
that's too bad
even now the guy in the dead didn't
yeah one guy argued a little bit
P-L-O-A-T-R-A-T-O P-L-O-A-T-O-P-T-F-A-S-S-T-A-S-T-A-Y
I almost deem you a toyed man, but I can't believe I stood up that whole fucking time. I was watching legends video
Yeah, you doing that boy I need to make an order. Yeah, this is Tyler. I'm white. I'm cisgender and I'm privileged
So if you have any other people trying to make orders you put me to the front
I said because I'm white I go to the front of the line
So if there's any ethnic people trying to make an order right now, they have to wait
I'm saying you white you go to the front of the line. That's right boy
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Yeah, got him.
Told him.
Eating it's a Tyler Durden reference? Come on.
So that there, if we were a popular
show, we would probably lose all our
endorsements. And that's how the world is now.
I'm just pointing it out.
I'm not upset you did that. I'm just saying it's true.
But it's fine with Indian people.
Yeah, yeah.
They don't have a voting power,
you know? That's why. That's all it is,
buddy.
They do have a space program, though.
Oh, yeah. They have a senator
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
My Eyebrows
Yeah with a sharpie
No
Oh
Okay
You just don't have any
Ew
Ew
Are you albino is that why
Is this something I can help you with
Is this the albino girl
Yeah I wanted to make an order
Okay what can I get you
One meat
One meat
Yeah
Yeah
Meat as in
Uh hot meat
Can we make a payment in eyebrow pencils
She's gone
Oh boy
Oh what
It's so funny
Call volume is low
Thank you very much Brad for reporting that via Jack Heliquid
Jack's Just Drunk
Maybe the music's too loud, that's another problem.
Walter wants to know when the next meetup is.
Sorry, the mailbox is full and there is not enough space to leave it.
Not enough spaces.
So how do you feel about the San Francisco thing?
Like six months, one year would be easier, I think.
What's weird is I was going to do this anyway.
Like in the spring, I was going to drive down California, you know, all the way down to L.A.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Prank Shows
Blanket statement that they give everyone I've seen a bunch of people right is their monetization for that reason they need to really explain that real quick I want to give a shout out to the following people who have donated via YouTube super chest threat to show Walter British accents Walton no Walter Heimlich maneuver $10 Thank you. When is the next meetup mother Sakura CX crew represent? Well, I probably just gave out a fucking
Hashtag Free Arab Andy
Hashtag 2TD
Big Greg donated $10
Carlito is the man
Big Heimlich also says
Madhouse observes Sharia Law
Excluding Matt, sorry Matt
Praise be to Allah
Jack Heliquin donated
Matt Heluck will never die
He's been cloned apparently
We have his DNA
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
This is all thanks to Matt for giving us the idea. I appreciate it, Matt. Constructive criticism, buddy. Not criticism, just an observation, even. I don't know if you're here.
Would you blame GIAD for making the entire meetup happen? Because I was just going to go see Matt and do a party time with him.
Well, blame is a harsh word, maybe, but yeah.
No, I mean, it was awesome. I don't mean blame.
I would give credit for organizing it, yeah. I just wish it would have been announced earlier. We could have had an even better turnout.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
30 Cents Per Donation
30 Cents Per Donation
Yeah
They take 30% of a dollar donation
Basically
I mean yeah
I've heard that complaint about them
That they're kind of pricey
But a lot of people use it
Yeah they all do it
I think for a long term thing
If you're thinking about getting help
To transport out there
I think yeah that would be the best option
Would be to do that
Twitch takes 50%
P.O. Box
Drop Zone
6-0-6-0-6
6-0-6-0-6
Your zip code is like RoboCop
But if you take the zeros out it's RBCP
Ah nice
Get it get it
Yeah RoboCop RBCP
Call Nation Madhouse Live
LITERALLY
BRIDGE
ERA
Oh no yeah that was before it was like their first four albums i stopped liking them after
uh when under the bridge came out i'm like wow they really suck really these people oh
man i didn't learn about them until that album i'm old school Red Hot Chili Peppers
it was like back when they were in the movie thrashing with it's time for the thrash bash
oh yeah they they were kind of I still I didn't like that that like funky shit
of them though like I remember getting like stealing some of the CDs out or no
cassettes out of somebody's car and not like digging it when I listen to it
I don't even know the difference between Anthony and Flea.
Hello?
Can you hear me now?
Yeah, is this rent payment?
Yes, you're on rent payment, and my name's Sneaky.
How can I help you?
Hi, Nicky. How are you, Nicole?
Nicole?
I'm Nicky.
Nicky?
Uh-huh.
Nicky or Nicky?
Nicky.
Okay.
I'm wondering why I'm trying to check out, and it's expensive to use a credit card.
Can you provide me your first and last name so I can pull up your profile?
I don't have a profile yet. I haven't saved yet.
I'm looking here, and it shows this.
But it says that I can use a code, like a coupon code.
For payment?
Yeah.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
You know, because that way, why do you offer the code and don't give the code to put in? Why?
We do not offer a code.
What? What do you mean?
Just can you tell me what the passcode is then that you put in?
There's kind of a coupon code. It says coupon. Hello?
Okay, so let me go check.
Let me try it. What do I check out? Let me see.
No. What do I put in?
You need to contact your property manager first because we are not the one who will provide this information.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Mickey Mickey
God damn it shit
I'm going to start touching my private parts if you don't find out the code
You're going to have to hear me while I touch my private parts
Shut up
What did you say?
You mumbled about words
What did you say little monkey?
I'm sorry
What did you say little monkey?
What do you mean?
I don't have any codes
I'm touching my private parts
I'm being very inappropriate right now
Inappropriate guys
Yeah this is going to get us flagged
Carlito Laugh Track
Matt Baz Milkman
Call Nation Madhouse Live
sell your fucking amazon links and then you're gonna look at all their shit
i don't that's the whole thing i don't all right i'm done with this why am i holding with this
shit come on guys you don't know who that you just know someone yeah yeah that sounds a little
less creepy carlito you can see what is purchased not what your friends buy i know i was just
I'm just kidding. Good lord, help me. I can't make a joke here. This is a joke show.
Well, but you were just saying about how that you want to get a link to get that kind of shit.
And then you said you have one, but then you said you can go look through the people's shit.
Oh, thanks, Buckshot. Thank you very much.
Thanks, Buckshot, for whatever you did.
Thanks, Buckshot.
Thanks for not doing it for me. You know, thanks a lot.
You said you already have one.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The Jamaican Beef Patties
Yeah, I want some and I want to throw them
Okay, how many of the beef patties?
Throw them at your head, you know
I need four of them
I'm going to throw two of them at you
When I get there though
But I'm paying for it
Okay
Alright, so you might not want to make them too hot
Because I'm going to throw you and hit you in the head
Really hard with the Jamaican
Why would you do that?
Oh, just for fun, you know
Okay, what else do you want?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Red Stripe
Red Stripe
I used to like
if I got a source
it's cool because
they're like
little fake
yeah they make
good Molotov cocktails
come on man
it's just
why do you
always bring your
culture
no it's true
they do
I saw a documentary
on Molotov cocktails
and that's the best one
Jamaicans win
in Molotov cocktail war
hello
yeah hey
yes hey
little monkey
I was calling
to make an order
please
all right
my name is
Cross
Cross
C-R-O-S-S
I like one
Do you have chicken biryani?
Okay, one CTM
Okay, one bhenchod
One bhenchod
I think it means sister fucking
Your sister, specifically
What? My name is Don
Ooh, he was not happy
I'm trying to set up an Amazon affiliate link right now
Thank you very much
Everyone be sure to visit that when you see that you get your shitter there your shit there
big ticket items stuff TVs and cars and fucking
apartment buildings
If I knew if Brad if dirt
Fucking Carlito if I knew you guys said what I'd be doing that all the time because I always get shit from it
Oh, well, don't do Brad do mine if you do that yeah
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Chicken biryani
Yes
Chicken biryani
Okay
One butter chicken
Yes
Okay
Do you have any naan?
Yeah, which one naan?
What kind of naan you have? Garlic?
Garlic naan, garlic chili naan
Garlic chili, garlic naan, just garlic naan, god damn it
Okay, how many sir?
Motherfucker, two
Two, okay
And?
And then one bhenchod
What?
One bhenchod
Hello
Yeah, one bhenchod
Who are you?
Bloody bastard, you
You You Buddy Blaster No You Buddy Blaster Motherfucker Guy You You Are Motherfucker
Motherfucker Gandu Banchod Teddy Marilana You No You Motherfucker First Teddy Bandy
Lana Nah Teddy Bandy Chut Teddy Bandy Chut Teddy Marichot Bastard Why You Assaulting
Me Why You Assaulting Me Why What Your Language You Can See You Can Give The Order I Say
Hello I Give It To Your Mother When I Fuck Her Huh I Will Fuck Your Mother No I Fuck
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Well, it's a lot of family fucking talk, which is weird because it's got to be like, you know, what you know about them, right? And their culture, they literally fuck their brothers and sisters and cousins on a regular basis. Like, they're so protective over and over because of that.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
MF Doom Remix Machines
MF Doom Remixes
Matt check that out, I know you're a big fan of Doom Remixes also
Inspector Ratchet I believe is his YouTube shit machine
everyone check that out
TheCycleBeefSticker says Dwight we saw your face on the meetup video, delete it
Madhouse Live
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
L.E. Wiener
Carlito Laugh Track Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
See little thank you for the uh super chat that is a legit thank you from me Carlito
Ellie Wiener good job Dwight what what is it you know what what is the joke what is the joke of
what why Ellie Wiener why why is that going to be used against me or something oh damn what have
you made me do anyway go ahead uh Brad what was that go ahead sir oh that that that see see light
person they said they were gonna give three dollars and they only gave two oh come on see
Madhouse Live
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Madhouse Live
See you next week!

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