International Telephone Business Machines – Pilot
30 Sep 2018 · 35 min · 2,620 words · source
Calls (8, 23 min of 35 min)
- Seasons Atlantic City woman on phone ivr 2.3 min clip ↓
- Hard Rock Atlantic City casino machine issue live 5.6 min clip ↓
- Bally's Atlantic City front desk dog in room live 1.6 min clip ↓
- Bally's Atlantic City food order confusion live 4.3 min clip ↓
- Crocs customer complaint prank live 33 s clip ↓
- Call Nation Madhouse Live asked about hat stitching live 4.6 min clip ↓
- Fruity store return policy inquiry live 2.3 min clip ↓
- Call Nation Madhouse Live frustrated about bag origin live 2.6 min clip ↓
Transcript
Hello. Calls are being split by smart call blocker. Please say your name and...
My name is Penis.
Please wait a moment while your call is connected.
Hey, everybody. I'm Carlito, and this is my first attempt with this new podcast that I've been promising for a few weeks now.
It's for horse Patreon members usually, but the first few will be...
It's a free preview for you all. See if you like it, and while I fine-tune it, get it down to the product that I want it to be.
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I can't get that answer.
Just a moment.
How do you not know?
Total Rewards.
Elfman Lounge at Seasons Atlantic City.
This menu is for Sunday, September 30th.
Today's hours are 12 to 7.30.
Thank you for calling Seasons Atlantic City.
Hey, stupid.
How can I help?
Hey, stupid.
Hello?
Hello?
Thank you for calling Seasons Atlantic City.
My name is Savannah.
How may I help you call?
Hi, Savannah.
I'm calling because I hear I'm gambling, okay?
And I'm supposed to get free sandwiches and coffee while I'm gambling.
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I'm sorry sir I do apologize but I would have to ask you not to use that type of language while we're on the line
Alright shut up please
I can't ever assist you
Please shut up
Okay so I will have to just look at the call
No I'm just saying please I said please what's the matter please
Okay can you put me through to a man in a suit
I can be happy to connect your call with someone on the property
Let's go
Alright that's nice honey thank you bye
Thank you very much
This stupid girl doesn't know how to do things
The world's first ever Nobu Hotel is open at 6 o'clock
A sushi hotel
The Customer Relations Office is currently closed.
Our hours of operation are Monday through Friday.
Thank you for choosing Caesars Atlantic City.
Listen, I don't want to keep going through this.
You're the third woman that I talked to.
Do you know how to use the phone, honey?
Call me at Director Call, sir.
I need to talk to a pit boss or a man with a suit.
And every time I keep getting a girl, a woman, who doesn't know what to do
and puts me through to a voicemail line.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Any experiences you...
Hello?
Thanks for calling Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Atlantic City.
Shut up.
My name is Barbie, your operator. How may I direct your call?
Yeah, Big Barbie. Listen, I need to talk to a man in a suit, a pit boss or something.
A man in a suit?
Someone with gambling. A man that knows how gambling and numbers work.
Okay, and who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?
My name is Don. I am a gambler.
Okay, Don. We generally don't transfer to our casino floor.
Well, I got a fucking complaint.
Excuse me?
I have a fucking complaint.
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Okay, and you're saying that there's no cocktail waitresses coming up to you?
Well, I'm trying to get her attention, and she's all,
da-da, I'm a girl, you know?
I don't know, I'm ignorant.
So can I just put my order in?
Okay, I'm not room service, I'm your hotel operator.
Well, the bird...
What pit are you in, or where are you at?
And I'll make sure that I get cocktails over to you.
Shut up!
The bird of no proof is on a state.
I'm on front of the main machine.
You're in front of the main machine.
Yes.
Why you why you make that noise again? I'm adjusting my headset. No, it was your mouth. Your mouth made it. You went like that. No, sir. And all our calls are monitored and recorded on. So I'm just trying to see so that we can get someone over to bring you something. Okay, so I'm in front of the machine. It has a lever. It has the things that spin. It goes bing bing. I mean, okay, Don.
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
You're you're claiming ignorance about the situation ma'am. I'm not trying to say anything contoured
I'm just stating a fact you are ignorant towards this situation as far as what machine
I'm in front of right whether it's your fault or mine and allow me to get allow me to get you over to
That's what I'm waiting for
Yeah
The machine does not go the machine does not go and which machine are you talking about particularly?
Tick-a-looey Uh the main machine? Are you on the casino floor sir? Yeah I'm far from home. Okay and who would you like me to direct you to sir? Uh someone to make uh uh someone to make us go? Talking to Hard Rock Atlantic City Casino you said to make someone to go? I need someone to make the machine go. Okay give me a moment. I play for things.
Hello?
Hi.
Hi, yeah, I was waiting for that sandwich.
Excuse me?
I was waiting for that sandwich.
The cocktail waitress is supposed to bring me a sandwich.
They bring drinks, not sandwiches.
Well, then the drink. Where is she?
I want a drink. I'm gonna make an order.
I want one coffee machine.
Um, they should be walking around the floor.
They're taking too long. They're taking too fucking long.
The shit's taking too- Where are you?
I'm in front of the machine.
Okay, what's the machine the has the lights on the top the faces come up and it has three buttons and the lever that you pull down when you put the card in to make it go on the top left corner of your machine there should be a letter and number. Okay, what is it? It says NJ G A M I N G C O M I N G C O M I N G C O M I N G C O M I N G C O M I N G C O M I N G C O M I N G C O M I N G C O M I N G C O M I N G C O M I N G C O M I N G C O M I
M.I.S.S. Hello?
Thank you for calling Bally's Atlantic City.
We're choosing Bally's Atlantic City. Operator Candace, I'm your director of call.
Hi. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi. I was calling. Hello? I was calling.
Yes. How may I help you?
Okay, well let me go ahead and connect you to slots. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
No, no.
Mr. Peckler?
No, no.
Well, thank you for choosing Bally's Atlantic City. Transferring now to slots.
Okay.
Then you have a great day. One moment, please.
Thank you. Stupid.
I'm in today to earn one reward credit for
Bless you Homer
Thank you for calling Bally's Atlantic City
Thank you for calling Bally's Atlantic City
This is shop operator Ebony
Thank you for calling
Yeah there's a dog in here
In your room?
Yeah
Okay um let me get you in line with the front desk okay
Why? Why is there a dog in here?
I'm not sure why there's a dog in your room
They may have actually double booked your room
Why are you people ignorant?
Why are you people so ignorant this is the operator sir. I do apologize. I'm not sure what's going on with your room. Shut up
Shut up
Stupid fucking dog, sir. Hey, shut up. Come on for a second. Okay, sir. He won't shut up
Okay, may I please try a brief hold hurry up
Yeah, do you want to make an order yes, what did you need okay one her
Oh, sorry. Oh, I don't understand. Is there a man I can talk to? Is there a man I can talk to? A man? Hombre? Hombre? What do you need? One her. Hello. Can I help you? I want to make order. Yes. One her. Yes. One what? Her. One burrito? No, one her.
hhr'hrhhrhhrh hhr hhr hhr hhr hhr hhr hhr hhr hhr hhr hhr hhr hhr hhr hhr hhr
are you sure this order
yeah this is el el take weight El Tak El Tak oh edy yeah okay so I need one
one order okay you okay you want chicken beef or string no
Oh
My god, oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god
Hello, yeah, yeah, I want to make an order. Yeah. Yeah
Why you like one?
Rero?
No.
What's that?
No, I don't know.
I don't understand what you mean.
Rero?
Motherfucker.
Chingas a tu puta madre, hijo de puta.
Why are you not taking orders, stupid?
Come on.
Customer service.
This is Drew.
How can I direct you to call?
Call him to see if you got something there.
What department do you need?
Hunting, camping, fishing?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
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Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Thank you for calling Converse Atlantic City.
Yeah, I'm calling from the Bass Pro Shops next door.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, you need to get your shit out of here.
What's up?
We got a fucking delivery here with your shit.
I got a box full of Converse shoes.
Okay, small please.
Well, no, fuck that, all right?
Because I work here at the front desk and you got to...
Thanks for on the Crocs to walk, Vanessa.
How can I help you?
Yeah, I have a complaint to make about these shoes.
Did you buy them here?
Yeah, I bought them at the Crocs store.
Here in Atlantic City?
Yes.
I'm staying here.
Hello, ignorant.
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Okay, bye Tuna, Tuna Girl.
Bye, Tuna Girl.
Bye, Tuna Girl.
Hello?
Hi, can I help you, sir?
Yeah, I just missed a phone call from this number.
No, you have the wrong number.
Is this Crocs?
You have the wrong number, sir.
You called me and you didn't say anything.
Why are you prank calling?
I just needed to save your number for my security purposes.
Well, I don't give you permission to do that.
You need to delete that right now.
I didn't sign a privacy statement for you to save my information.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The Great Day Chico's Marie speaking.
Yeah, hi. This is that place with the douchey career wear?
Yeah.
Okay, do you have clothing for fat women?
I have clothing for all women.
Yeah, but like fat women though.
We don't use that F word.
Well, what word do you use for it?
We use it for all women. That's what we serve.
Yeah, but not all women are like this. This is a fat woman.
We go from size small to size extra large.
Okay, where would BBW fall under then? Is that the term you use?
I'm not sure what that term is.
Well, look in the mirror and tell me.
I don't know what that term is.
Are you eating right now and you're arguing this with me?
Oh, I'm not arguing anything.
You're eating. You're disgusting. What are you?
Is there anything else I can help you with?
How tall are you and how much do you weigh?
She can't even stop eating to answer the phone at work.
Hello, it's on a walk. This is Seamus speaking. How can I help you?
What was your name? Seamus?
Shana
Shana
No, Shana
Yes
What do you need?
Miss Individuality over here
Speaking of which, I need to see
what the rules are for getting stuff
stitched on the hats
We can't do anything licensed
We can't do anything derogatory
Call Nation Madhouse Live
They're going to see Mike.
Is there another way?
Unless you want Mike E separate, but then if it's M-I-K and then separate, it's going
to be Mick and E. That's the way they spell that name.
I don't know how you pronounce it.
Do you have that?
Do you have the E, the spicky with the line that goes over it?
Okay.
All right.
So M-I-K spicky.
You talking about the E with the line on top of it?
Yeah.
The one, the spicky.
Yeah.
We can do that.
Okay.
All right.
They're probably still going to pronounce it Mike, but.
No.
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Madhouse Live
Hey, Fruity, I was calling.
If I made a purchase at one of your other locations,
what are the rules as far as returning it?
You have 30 days to bring it back to any coach outlet.
Okay, all right, so I bought a purse
at your Canal Street location from an Asian lady.
You don't have it at a store?
Well, she said coach, like that.
She showed it to me.
It was in the store.
It has to be from a store.
Well, yeah, I've got all the papers.
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Well, then how did I get the bag? I don't understand.
I'm sure you bought it, but it wasn't from a Coach store.
It says right here, Coach.
I understand that.
It says C-O-U-C-H.
Right.
It has a picture.
You can't spell.
Hmm?
You can't spell.
It's French.
Right. It's American.
Well, yeah, but I mean, these are all like, I thought Givenchy was Givenchy this whole time.
Right.
I almost bought the wrong perfume for her.
Luckily, I could get...
That's terrible.
Yeah, I know, but this is Coach bag, and I need to return this.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
I hope you get a flat tire.
Shit.
This is a thing you don't understand.
Okay?
I was on Canal Street.
Do you know where that is?
No, sir.
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Madhouse Live
I'm not sure. I don't know where you purchased it, so I don't have any information about where you purchased it.
All I can give you is information about our store.
You know how you spell coupon? Coupon is C-O-U-P-O-N.
The U means that you have to say coupon, not coupon, because that would be C-O-O-P-O-N, you know?
Sir, is there anything else that I can do for you?
Well, I'm just trying to help you out with your ignorance about the situation to see if you can help me.
Ignorance is unknown.
Ignorance is unknown.
Very good.
Good, honey.
I'm trying to get him.
Very good.
That's good.
You know that.
Sir, I have another customer in front of me.
If you would like to stop in the store to try to do an exchange, you're welcome to.
We're here until 7 o'clock.
All right.
Well, I'm bringing a fake bag, and I wanted to exchange for a real one.
Well...
It's a counterfeit bag.
I'm sorry.
You stupid.
I have nothing to do with that.
We don't take back counterfeit merchandise.
Well, there's...
How are you going to know?
How are you going to know?
Because you would have a receipt.
Well, I do have a receipt.
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