Peanut Butter Puppies
9 Nov 2018 · 1 h 23 min · 4,578 words · source
Calls (14, 28 min of 1 h 23 min)
- Voicemail with angry message voicemail 33 s clip ↓
- Lawnmower seller asked about ad live 1.8 min clip ↓
- Calling about chocolate lab coat live 7.1 min clip ↓
- Automated message system with toilet sounds voicemail 2.3 min clip ↓
- Voicemail about constipation and relief voicemail 1.6 min clip ↓
- Voicemail from Bombad in California voicemail 1.8 min clip ↓
- Shabba Market asked about gun rental live 33 s clip ↓
- Sanitary Indian Cuisine restaurant inquiry live 1.8 min clip ↓
- Shoe Store asked about gumbo live 33 s clip ↓
- Chicago Brazilian Barbecue asked about beer live 1.6 min clip ↓
- Online Bilingual Assistance voicemail voicemail 1.3 min clip ↓
- Grand American Superfood asked about cookbook live 4.6 min clip ↓
- Election Protection Hotline menu ivr 48 s clip ↓
- Dallas Fox 4 News tip line prank live 2.6 min clip ↓
Transcript
You little monkey.
You bastard.
You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Prankcast.
Heard about what's going on in there?
Heard a lot of bullshit talk, I know that much.
This isn't bullshit, my friend.
Do you know something?
Don't listen.
What do you know?
Maybe I do and maybe I don't.
What I say is they got no business negotiating.
We're going to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard.
Oh, is that right?
We do it now, we do it later.
Later ain't going to be no use.
Am I right, Hal?
Wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Well, good luck.
Why, you gotta sell me them tires.
Fuckin' dog.
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
At the tone, please record your message.
When you've finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.
Motherfucker!
To listen to your message, press 2.
Message review.
Motherfucker!
If you're satisfied with the message, press thank you.
Your message has been sent.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I have sore arms from IVs that were in me and I've been on a lot of antibiotics so my
vision is blurry for a few more days but and that's all I want to talk about really I'm good
I'm alive and I'm good I'm great I'm happy to be here sorry I couldn't do a show that's why
now you know thanks for talking shit everyone who talked shit while I was out hope you feel
better about yourself and your negativity all right I'm gonna try to do a show uh because my
Madhouse Live
I'll get that out this weekend.
I got a, I got a, uh, I got Monday off also, so I'll try to get it out by then.
I'll try to get this episode out.
There you go.
Yeah.
So look, no guarantees that I'm going to do a full show today.
I'm going to try.
If they start sucking, I'm probably going to lose my motivation really quick.
Yeah.
Thanks to Molecular Heckler, Bolek Holek, I got a lot of, um, different swap shop tradeo
numbers or websites.
So that'll be something I'll try to do.
Parkman Last Night
Gmail
Forwarded to me so I don't have to sit there and look for them.
Thank you, man.
Good call, buddy.
I got those.
Anyone else who's on my Skype who maybe wants to help me out, do a show, I'd be greatly
appreciated.
Hit me up.
Send me a message or just call.
Thank you.
Much appreciated.
Back to swap shops.
Someone's got a truckload of wood.
Yeah.
Whoopie board emergency.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Deliver a load for $65, please.
I'm sorry.
Three.
Nee, nee, nee, nee, nee.
All right, let's call that original one about them tires with that nasty voicemail I left
with the shitting.
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
Got the FU button there.
Your call.
He ain't playing no more.
He's done playing with me.
Well, fuck him.
But this guy here got a lawnmower for sale.
Let's give him a call.
See what his bitch ass wants to say.
Call R.I.D. to something he can call back.
Hello?
Yeah, hi. You got a lawnmower?
Who's this?
My name is Cross. Do you have a lawnmower?
No, I sold it.
Oh, then why do you still have the ad up, motherfucker?
I don't have the ad.
Yeah, motherfucker, I'm looking at it now. It says you have lawnmower for sale.
Why's she gonna ask who I am first?
The tone. Please record your message. When you have finished recording...
Asshole.
Here's a number from Nunu about an Indian.
Duh.
Forbidden.
Why is the number forbidden?
Wanna make an order, please?
Takeaway?
Hello?
Yes, I'd like to make a takeaway order, please.
We close.
We open this lunchtime.
Oh, are you fucking Bolo, motherfucker, you?
This place that their toilet seat was found propped next to a deep fat fryer baskets?
Oh, you used to cook food?
A toilet seat was found propped next to deep fat fryer baskets.
Mouse shit was found all over the place, supposedly, also.
Wow, that's disgusting.
Wow.
Let me try to call them back.
I don't think they'll answer the second time.
She was dead asleep.
Sorry, but the person you've called isn't available at the moment.
Why not leave a message so they can get back to you?
Why not?
I'll give you a thousand reasons why I don't want to.
There's a market for sale.
Okay.
Market for sale.
Tammy, leave me a message.
Atone, please record your message.
When you have finished recording.
Didn't even ring.
Fuck.
Okay, now we got AKC lab puppies for sale.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Well, I'm trying to make a brown chocolate-like chocolate lab coat, like a sports coat, in a size 48R, regular length.
And that's why you want a lab?
Well, I mean, I also want the companionship and all that, but after I get tired of them and everything, then I'm going to go ahead and, you know, just put them to use.
This is what the Bible says.
The Bible says that all the beasts of the land are for us to put under our burden and make machine go and wreck them.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Out of town, I live in a horse machine ranch.
Do you know where Horse Machine Ranch Road is?
It's a new development.
New development where?
It's called Horse Machine Ranch.
It's on a brand new road.
It's called Horse Machine Ranch.
Okay, where?
I mean, what state?
Where is it located?
Maybe part of the confusion is, and I don't know how long you've been in this city,
but I'm not from here, you know?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I wasn't able to get to the phone right now, so if you could leave your name, phone number, and a brief message, and I'll get back with you.
You can also reach me by text at the same number and I will try to get back with you as quick as possible. Thank you
You got to write this shit down for you motherfucker
You got to sound professional
You may hang up or press one for more options. I'm hearing a toilet taking a shit
I'm hearing a toilet taking a shit
wap tmr
help
help
help
help
if u are satisfied with ur message
press 1
to listen to ur message
press 2
to eras and re-
to send ur message with normal delivery
press 1
thank you
ur message has been sent
goodbye
no one cares about normal and urgent delivery
no one gives a shit
i cant tell u last time i noticed someone sent something with urgent delivery
and if someone were to do that i would probably just delete the message without even listening to it
motherfuckar
dont get
Nathanael D. Hale
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
That's understandable
All dogs go to heaven, rest in peace Nate Dog
Fuck yeah man
tikka masala pvp
TKL
a
tk
a
tk
a
tk
a
a
a
a
a
a
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
I don't want to hurt no more, man.
I did it again. I did it again.
Hello? Sir, please, talk to me. I don't want to hurt no more. Are you there?
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
Don't want to hurt no more.
Is not available. At the tone, please record your message.
When you've finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.
I don't want to hurt no more.
So I'm constipated and I'm trying to take a shit.
Oh, there it goes.
Thank God. I've been holding this for three days.
If you're satisfied with the message, press 1. To listen to your message, press 2. Message review.
I don't want to hurt no more. So I'm constipated and I'm trying to take a shit.
Oh, there it is. Oh, thank God. I've been holding this for three days. Nice.
Let's get Matt Hill off now. Let me dial him in. Hell yeah.
Get him, he's reaping.
Just a minute, I'm signing in the shit.
Here's a voicemail.
Hey there, this is Bombad out in California.
Really sorry to hear about what's been happening with you.
Seems like you can't get a fucking break with your health.
But, um, hey, hey, stay up and try to do well.
I'm a perverted fucker. I signed it up in the hospital.
I'm doing good. I can catch a break.
This is the first time in quite a while that I've been in the hospital.
Shit just happens, I guess.
I should not have brought it up. I should not have even mentioned it.
Now people are like, who are you?
Old time in the hospital.
Pretend I said nothing. I'm going to edit it all out so it never got mentioned.
Hey, pervert. Hey, Matt. Matt.
What's up?
Hey, what you got there? You got some Beats headphones? Is that what you're using?
No, these are Urban Ears.
Oh, it sounds like you got the wrong mic selected.
Thank you.
You're welcome. I hear the air hissing from your oxygen tanks.
Call some guns and ammo.
Thanks for calling. Are you calling to make fun of me?
No.
Oh, okay.
Your shoutcast is messed up.
Oh, no. What's it doing?
Oh, no, you're messed up.
Madhouse Prank Call Radio
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Go reboot your modem. Call her.
Take the goddamn Ralph Lauren. I'll change your gear.
This is the only hat I've ever worn.
Yeah, is this the stock market guns and ammo?
Yes, it is.
Oh, good. Good.
Cops took my gun away. I was wondering if you rent guns out.
No, I don't.
All right. Do you have a shooting range there?
Pardon me?
Do you have a shooting range there?
No, I don't.
Check the Second Amendment in town. They have one.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hey Gang this is spaghetti rag i just wanted to say hi to matt how you doing matt i've heard
you for a while how you doing buddy yeah good to hear your voice on the airwaves again carlito
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman
Are we in the fucking YouTube?
Yeah, oh yeah.
No music, but we're on YouTube.
Hello?
Hello?
Shabba Market?
So they had no idea what I was saying.
Shabba Market?
Yeah, is this Shabba Market?
Yes, who's this?
Oh, hey, my name is Mr. Lover Man.
Shabba.
Mr. Lover Man.
Shabba.
Trailer load, trailer load, trailer load of girls.
Shabba Ranks here.
Hey, buddy.
Mr. Ugly Man
It doesn't translate well.
20 years later, man.
It's not, it was not funny.
Even the Jim Carrey stuff, I'm just like, fuck this guy.
He's a fucking crazy guy now.
Hello?
Yeah, hey.
Hey, I'm starting a restaurant called Sanitary Indian Cuisine.
All right, can you supply clean food?
Who are you trying to reach?
Do you have food there?
This is Shabba Ranks Market?
Shabba Market, yeah.
Yeah, Shabba Market.
Yeah, exactly.
What kind of food you have?
Well, groceries and all that.
Yeah, but what is this?
Tamil
Indian
Persian
It's not like a restaurant
What do you specify in Asian? East Asian? Central Asian?
Do you have some or something?
It's nice. You type in Madhouse Live on the YouTube
Do you have like regular food? American food or is it ethnic?
Yeah it's like American food
Do you have the bread called Roman meal? No?
Okay. What bread do you have? Wonder bread?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I think I don't think I'm going to be anywhere near any place you guys have.
Are you excited about this trip, Dragon Mirror?
Are you 100%?
Are you just thinking about it on the fence still?
Oh, no, I'm going to go.
I'm 100%.
I'm in.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, Matt, it's looking like there's going to be a bigger turnout than in Chicago, if you can believe that.
That's weird.
Yeah.
Why is it weird?
Don't you want this?
You wanted this.
No, it's neat.
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
There's like there's some weird there's I listen to a podcast about it something there's some weird reason that like a lot of Chicago bars have old style signs out front though some weird marketing thing because there's a lot of old style bars looking old style stuff.
So is that a local beer? It's just a Midwestern?
Yeah, I don't know. It's I mean, the cans I'm drinking right now.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
You will not find Old Style Southwest
That's all caps and exclamation
Yeah, they take that serious, don't bring that old stuff
Yeah, but there's like weirdo stores that just sell all kinds of shit
And it's not like it's my favorite thing in the world
It's cheap and it's in fucking pounder cans downstairs
I can drink goddamn PBRs
It's gotta get distributed, man
That's the whole thing
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Shoe Store
Thank you for calling WSF.
Shoe Store Flection.
This is David.
I have my assistant here today.
Hey, David.
We seem to have been disconnected.
How are you doing, sailor?
Yeah, our phone's messing up, bro.
Yeah.
Oh, you got me.
Oh, that's kind of funny.
Oh, no.
Dragon Bear is here still.
Yeah.
Let's do it.
Hey, I'm still here.
My phone was cutting out.
I thought I lost you for a minute.
Oh, because I didn't play take you off the hold to conference you with the call.
I was going out.
It was my bad.
My bad.
Totally my bad.
Grown American Superfood Cookbook
What?
A list of black people food.
Okay.
Grown American Superfood Cookbook.
Okay, whatever this is, let's just...
Alright, let's do it.
Parkman with a good idea.
I'm calling the Grown American Superfood...
Hi.
May I have your...
Yes, may I have your first name, please?
Yeah, my first name is Horace.
H-O-R-A-C-E.
So you're calling about the Grown American Superfood, right?
Superfood, yeah.
Okay.
Does it have gumbo?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Catfish
Hello
Hello honey
Honey
Okay
They light up the bridge
We had fried catfish
Someone on Yelp suggested to get old style
There is a barbecue joint on the somewhere
Fuck yeah
That caters to Chicago sports fans
So it has it
Hello
Hello
This is where you talk
The Silvero's Brazilian Barbecue
What would they have at a Brazilian barbecue of all places?
The Chicago Brazilian Barbecue
Okay
They catered to Chicago
But I imagine there's lots of weird little
Hello? Hello?
I used to go to a little fucking
What was it?
Jamaican joint that had like 200 kind of beers
You know
I think the only place I ever had the yards of beer that they set like next to the table, you know, okay big like three foot glass. Is that a Jamaican thing yards? I don't know. I don't know. I think it's because it was around all the Irish bars. Maybe all the Jamaican beer. I know is Red Strike Red Stripes a good nice little
Do you ever have that beer from the Bahamas called Calique ?
it's pretty good
Jimmin's beer
Do you ever have El Presidente, Presidente Beer
That's good too
Where you goin' Matt? You just leavin walking off?
Matt's just in the middle of me talking to him just walks off
That's pretty rude
I got a good mind to disconnect on forever
Bye, illegal man
Please leave your message for 7
Shut up
All right Dragon Bear I'm gonna see if someone else wants to call in
Thanks for calling in, buddy
Sorry I'm kinda off
See you there buddy
Dragonmare
Online Bilingual Assistance
Dawee the Cat
He's on camera right now, having a nice little nap on the couch
Homer's laying down on the floor
Thank you for calling you assist me
Please leave a message with your contact information
and one of our self representatives
I had a good idea for that
I can hear a Matt returning
I don't want to hear this. I'm going to hear doom. I'm going to hear good old classic special herbs doom from the top. Take it back to 2006 Madhouse now. Yeah, Homer the dog. He missed me. Apparently when I was gone, he was very sad that I was a gone guy, that his dad was gone. Poor guy. He didn't understand. Dad was here. He's gone. Why is he gone? I don't like this. Poor boy. He was super happy to see me back. He was jumping. I was like, dude, you can't do that right now. You're jumping on me. It was good to get out of work though for a week.
Work is stressing me the fuck out. Matt was here back from his toilet break. He'd be like, work is for suckers. 405-396-6884 is the number to dial if you want to join me and Matt tonight. 405-396-6884. That's 405-39-mouth. My voice is not giving out. It has not given out 100% yet, but I don't know.
Hi, thanks for calling the Grand American Superfood to get the powerful products, nutrients straight from the farm to you.
My name is Claudette, and I will be happy to help you.
And for quality purpose, this call will be recorded.
Hi, how are you?
Oh, sexual. What was your name? Claudette?
Claudette.
Yes, Claudette.
Claudette.
Claudette.
Claudette.
C-L-E-U.
Okay.
Yes.
Okay. All right.
All right. Because you, are you West Indian?
Yes.
Fast Food Racha
Nice i love that i had a girlfriend she was from trinidad and tobago and okay and
i had another girlfriend who was from dominica okay i'm from martinique oh martinique nice
nice i've been there i've been to aruba i've been to saint martin or saint martin you know
depends on what side you're on
yeah the sexy girls very sexual women you know they're bred for uh yeah all right uh
So what's about this cooking book is this for is this like a Caribbean cooking book? No, it's more vegetable
By collard greens. What is your first name collard collard greens in it?
Is there collard greens in it how to make them they have they have a lot of is it the powdered vegetable drink?
That they already have all the vegetable in it. Oh, so then this I thought this is a cookbook
I did we have a cookbook in it also that they send you with the
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I can feel it
The prank call that you're doing
Hey, can you
Smell this
It smells like the island you're from
Right?
Martinique
It smells like the shit that comes from the people's ass
Yeah, but that's from Paris
I just told you Martinique
But I wasn't from Martinique
I'm from France
You're not from France
You don't sound like it
Yes, I am
You don't sound like it
Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
You can get one of those I Voted stickers. You can put it there on your PLA hat.
Are you talking to, am I here?
Thank you for calling the Election Protection Hotline.
Yeah, I'm talking to you.
866-ARABIC.
Do you have an...
Matt, I'm talking to you, Matt.
To ask a voting-related question or to report a problem in your state, please press 1.
It seems like you're not.
I am.
Thank you for calling the Election Protection Hotline.
All of our volunteers are busy helping other voters right now.
Please leave a message with your name, phone number, city
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hey Matt, are you excited we're going to have legal recreational marijuana in Illinois soon?
You think? I think we probably will. It doesn't really matter to me, but if it just gets my prices down, it'll be rad.
Yeah, I think it will.
And it'll just be nicer. If there's more high people, there's just a nicer city.
Yeah, it'll be safer.
I agree.
And then you'll be more willing to go out and commit voter fraud with me.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I haven't done files for it yet, but I can just draw.
Yeah, yeah, it does.
Oh yeah, that's right, I've seen your, yeah, you like did PLA and Cactus and shit like that.
Yeah, yeah, and it's got like 3D Pokemons.
I think it's been, because it's from fucking China, like crazy.
And so I think it was used in a lot of like displays and like trade shows and shit.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I mean, it's a solid-ass thing, so I'm sure it's semi-expensive, but it's maybe $100 there, if that.
All right.
Okay, we're going to call the Dallas Fox 4 News tip line.
Cool.
What's the tip?
Who'd you find?
I usually like to say the name.
Skunk Ape.
Skunk Ape.
No, no, no.
The request is to the plot to come into America.
Hi, news line.
Yeah.
Yeah, I needed to spread a news tip to you guys.
I don't know.
Do I need to...
Tech Talk.
Damn it.
Some call dropped.
I don't know.
The tip line's still...
Is it?
Tip line?
Shit.
Matt, you still there?
Yeah.
Yes, I am.
I thought the internet's dropped.
Well, I'm waiting on the tip line, bro.
I had a good idea for that.
It was going forever.
And I was doing a little joke.
I said, like, yes, this head of the news,
The Gentleman That Picks Up The Phone Says You Have A Very Important Tip
You Could Hear It In Your Voice
Yeah, It Was Taken Forever
I'll Call Back
I'm Sorry To Make It Take Forever, Matt
I'm Sorry, Please
Don't Be Mad
Oh, So What?
So What?
I Took Forever?
Don't Be Sore
Because I Took Too Long
Extra News
I Have A Tip, You Know
But You're Putting Me On The Hole For Too Long
I'm Sorry, But There's A Lot Of Things Going On Here Right Now
Like What?
Like What?
News Tap
Like What?
Okay, you know what you can you can we were not interested in the devil. Yeah, whatever. We're not it's whatever fake news fake news
fake news, whatever
There's a lot going on hello, there's an active shooter at the news station no
They're still damn
I'll drop them. Oh, hey the fucking things for that doom thing
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I feel like I've been in some Rip Van Winkle sleepers
I share them with you here and there
all those doom like I'll find a nice one
I'll be like yeah yeah yeah
but it seems like I'm just out
like I'm out the world
a lot you know
I'm not quite as sick
at all I'm like
I like what I like in a certain years and this music good enough no not a lot of new things coming
well you spend a lot of time inside Matt this is very I would say 99.9 percent of my days
it's too bad that YouTube people can't hear the music yeah thanks YouTube and then if they just
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Carlito Laugh Track Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
All
of
them
are
a
good
too
I
just
came
home
from
the
hospital
when
the
show
would
have
started
I
was
fucked
up
I
want
to
I got two kitty cats and what are their names Davi he's on video now I think he is
he would be if he wasn't the other camera was on he's taking a nap and then Chloe's the female
she's upstairs she doesn't come downstairs she's ever since we got the dog she's like
fuck that I'm done with you guys I'm living up here it was just yeah like like I've just cut
Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation
Superchatted
Nick Johans
sent a nice superchat
thank you very much
no message left
so I cannot say anything
just remember
if you superchat
doesn't matter what amount it is
I will share a message
Dragon Murr
who called in earlier
sent a superchat
and my vision is blurry
he gave it some emojis
eggs and heat
nice
he's got a frying pan
with an egg in it
and a slash
a forward slash
and a fire
which means eggs with heat
I get it
thank you
Galen B2 sent a donation and said horse face stormy daniels yes yeah she was just on cnn a
minute ago not her but they were showing her fucking horse face right dude our president
man's fucking this week sat there in the hospital in the hospital but just watching the create the
election i didn't get to vote which really bummed me out i didn't get out in time they were trying
the doc was like i'm trying to get you out in time so you can vote i was like it's very very
Voter Apathy
Roy S
Walter Heimlich
We need Cross to join Roy
in a helicopter descending into an elevator shaft
That makes sense
That's an homage or a mention
to a recent show I did with Brad
where we were in a helicopter
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Patron.com
The Second Podcast
I should have enough for that too.
I just gotta get in there and edit it.
Alright, so basically look, I'm behind on editing.
I've got a reason. I'll take care of it.
I'm gone. Have a good weekend.
Maybe I'll do a show Monday for Veterans Day.
No promises. Alright, bye.
Comments 0
Nobody has said anything yet.
Log in to comment or to suggest fixes.