MadhouseLive

Busting Cheeks

15 Nov 2018 · 2 h 18 min · 8,605 words · source

Calls (26, 1 h 3 min of 2 h 18 min)

  1. Sweet Tomatoes order request live 33 s clip ↓
  2. Call Nation Madhouse Live automated menu live 3.1 min clip ↓
  3. Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live menu ivr 33 s clip ↓
  4. Call Nation Madhouse Live rude service complaint ivr 2.6 min clip ↓
  5. Burrito Bowl order request live 2.3 min clip ↓
  6. Call to Madhouse Live with traffic complaint live 1.6 min clip ↓
  7. Mexican restaurant order attempt live 1.3 min clip ↓
  8. Prank call to restaurant asking for name live 2.1 min clip ↓
  9. Stan Lee tribute playback playback 1.1 min clip ↓
  10. California Jack TV asked about going live 5.1 min clip ↓
  11. Butterball Turkey Hotline menu live 6.6 min clip ↓
  12. Madhouse Live repeat and apology live 1.3 min clip ↓
  13. Caller confirms identity and sells TV live 1.3 min clip ↓
  14. West Coast University asked about Petaluma live 33 s clip ↓
  15. Hookah lounge asked about falafel in bathroom live 2.6 min clip ↓
  16. Call Nation Madhouse Live Rastafari ivr 48 s clip ↓
  17. Call Nation Madhouse Live voicemail voicemail 2.3 min clip ↓
  18. Firetack Shop tuxedo smell inquiry live 1.8 min clip ↓
  19. Indian restaurant order confusion live 5.3 min clip ↓
  20. Albanian friend's number unreachable playback 7.1 min clip ↓
  21. U.S. Air Conditioning Distributors live 33 s clip ↓
  22. Prank Call Indian Restaurant live 2.6 min clip ↓
  23. Senior Living Options asked for caregiver live 2.3 min clip ↓
  24. Call Nation perfect dog inquiry live 2.8 min clip ↓
  25. Son confronts dad about emotional distance live 4.3 min clip ↓
  26. Call to National Business Telephone Machines live 48 s clip ↓

Transcript

Yeah, but I'm not stupid at that.
Yeah, well, why are you saying stupid things, you know?
Madarchod?
You motherfucker.
No, you fucking motherfucker.
You motherfucker.
Don't fucking stick.
Hey, I'm Pakistani.
I'm Pakistani.
Fuck off, you motherfucker.
I'm Pakistani, motherfucker.
I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.
That's my big amigo.
So just kick back to listen to this cat call.
People, when this show goes live, I'll be like, yeah, this shit's bitchin'.
Stop Whatever I'm Doing To Tune In And Listen
You Can Catch Me In The Back Of His Home At Horse Machine Ranch Road
I'm Busting Mad Fat Flows For Assholes And Banchos
My Spit Crazy Shout Out To Big Amy That's Nice Honey Baby
We Kiss And Pussy So Ladies Such A Labia
It's Crazy How The Stuff That My Bruh Might Save Ya
Face It Cause It's The Number One Prank Cast
Stay Back If You Can't Handle All The Straight Laughs That We Hand To Your Dome
And If You Want Call The Number You Can Listen To This Show On The Go
Big up to the man in the madhouse who showed up to stick his motherfucking hands up
Some come close, but they can't get it right
Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live
You know, cheek busting time
Wee!
You heard about what's going on in there?
Heard a lot of bullshit talk, I know that much
This isn't bullshit, my friend
Do you know something?
Don't listen to me
What do you know?
Maybe I do and maybe I don't
What I say is they got no business negotiating
We ought to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard
Is that right?
We do it now, we do it later. Later ain't gonna be no use. Am I right, Al?
Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.
We got a lot of angry guys in there. Black Muslims, Panthers, Young Lords.
Besides you, the average antisocial.
So we gotta go in, right? Clean the clocks.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is The Magnet.
Stay at Sweet Tomatoes for hours and locations, press 1.
Speak with our staff, press 0.
Hey, this is Rico. How can I help you?
Hey, how you doing? What's going on over there? How's the heat?
Good. Who is this?
This is Walter. Just, you know, hanging out, busting cheeks. You know, it's cheek-busting time.
Okay. Can I help you with anything?
Yeah, I wanted to make an order. Want a salad?
Okay, sounds good. What kind of salad did you want? A big family size?
Green salad with heat.
Greek?
With heat.
With heat?
Yeah, heat.
Like H-E-A-T?
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Okay, I think you should just come in if you want to order that.
What kind of soups do you have?
We have a lot of soups right now.
Well, you guys have a rotation, and I'd like to know what you have.
Do you have the lemon orzo soup right now?
No, we don't have that soup.
Fucking shit.
What's the urine content of the soup right now?
Decrease the tomatoes for hours on location.
Press 1.
Speak with our staff.
Press 0.
Hey, how are you, honey?
Hello?
Oh.
We're calling Smashburg and Coleman.
Is Edward speaking?
Hey, what's going on?
How you doing there, bottlenose?
Hey, I'm, you know, just hanging out, busting some cheeks tonight, you know?
Cheek-busting time.
Yeah, busting cheeks tonight.
I'm busting cheeks tonight.
I need to make an order.
Oh, come on, fuck.
You take online orders.
What's the difference?
Why are you being a punk?
Why are you being a punk?
I'm sorry to say, sir, but we don't take call-in orders.
All right, I got three cartons of cigarettes, if you do it.
Three cartons?
No, thank you, sir.
Newports, motherfucker.
Come on.
The only things that we have are online or through DoorDash, or if you come in.
Well, DoorDash, they charge a fee, fucking.
Even for pickup, they charge a fee.
That's not fair for the people.
I'm sorry about that.
Do you have a phone that you can use?
Like, just do me a favor.
Just go on there, and I tell you what to get, and you put it in the phone.
I'm sorry, sir.
I mean, it's not fair to you, because then you're not going to get the tip.
I'm going to have to give it to the computer machine.
And where are you anyway?
It sounds like you're in a fucking boiler room.
You won't help me out.
You don't have a good reason why you can take online orders, but you can't take phone orders.
And I don't like your attitude.
I'm sorry about that.
All right?
Is there someone else I can talk to?
Because I'm going to yell and curse, and I don't want to do it to you.
I can give you a corporate number, and you can have that.
No, I want to talk to someone now on the phone.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Prank Call Volgarities
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
My name is Cross.
I'm sorry, could you spell it?
Cross. C-R-O-S-S.
Is that your first name or last name?
No, Cross. Just Cross. That's all you need is Cross.
Okay, how may I help you, Mr. Cross?
These people take so long in the... that I go to.
And the guy said to Ed, he said, what do you want, nigga?
Like that, he said to me.
When I asked him to please... I said, what?
Why is it I've been waiting here 20 minutes for food in the dry therm on the only car?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
What is the director's name? Director, state your name, please, and your title.
Slow service and rude service at one of the locations, is what I said.
Hang on, give me a second.
That's what happened to me.
They were rude and disrespectful of me.
Yeah, see, that was funny.
Sorry, YouTube, you didn't get to hear it.
It's not my fault or yours.
Just how YouTube goes, sorry.
B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B
Just About The Burrito Bowl
Use this song
Yeah I wanted to make an order
You would have to do that online sir
One bowl just a bowl
Yeah but they want it to be done online sir
Yeah but I don't have the
WWW you know
Oh you see because like the reason they want
No I don't see I don't see
I don't see
No but I don't see
You don't see what sir
You said you see
I don't see
I don't see
WC
I don't have the WWW
One bowl please
Carnitas bowl
Black beans
White rice
Corn salsa
Please come on
I'll tell you what to put on it
And you just put it to the side
And then ring it up when I come in
I'll stay in the line and everything again
I'm not trying to jump ahead in line
Alright sure thing
Just for future reference
MadhouseLive.com
Check out the links for the show for the show bowl bowl bowl bowl
Shellcast links to tune in on the tune in app and the YouTube 24-7 on YouTube
I'll tell you what I did an evaluation here on the home network as far as the usage my usage of my WAN connection
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Madhouse Prank Call
4 0 5 3 9 6 6 8 8 4 that's 4 0 5 39 mouth
Let's see if this is a real person or a troll or enemy of mine one of my enemies. I hate her. Thanks for calling
How can I help you?
Hey, Mikey G, what's going on big guy? How's your hair?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I got stuck in traffic
my 6 minute commute today was an hour
because of snow
and sleet that was falling
and it sucked
I'm not going back to work tomorrow
fuck it
what's your excuse going to be
you got the poops
well they should have let us out a little bit early
so I was like you know come on
and then they didn't let us out early
so I'm just going to be like yeah I'm not coming in tomorrow
you tell them yeah it's dangerous
I'm thinking about doing it
and I could walk to work probably
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Madhouse Live
How do we get access to the old shows?
Like the old shows.
They're all there.
Every single show is up as far as I know.
All the ones that are on the podcast?
If you go to the website, you can get them.
And you can actually get them by category.
Like you can get the entire 2005 as a podcast.
So you can just subscribe to it.
But no, you can go to the website.
You just download it from the website.
Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
How does this sound different now? Is this maybe because of the weed like that? Oh
What like what I'm sorry, I cut you off like what no the tone of his voice, but that's okay
Oh my god. Yeah. I heard Dwight. I had cancer. So I fucked up man. I'm just kidding
Hey, uh, what the fuck is gonna say to you? One more thing. I put it
I put a folder in that Dropbox for you. Did you it's like oh you got to check it out, bro
Oh my god, you got it. Yeah, it's a music folder. It should be shared with you. I should have shared it with you
hello hello yeah hi I like to make an order is this Mexico let Lindo and
Cantina yes okay is Hefe there that speaks English English oh do you are you
speaking English what do you think well I'm not convinced yet yeah can I make
what are you talking about papi papi you like can I make an order please sure
Why you pinche guay?
Why you pinche guay?
Yeah, mas puto.
What you are?
You see how he doesn't speak English correctly?
Come on, man.
Oh, man.
Whatever.
What you are?
Mikey, are you the one married to the Dominican or something?
Something?
Dominican woman?
Hello?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, do you like that mangoo?
Madhouse Live
That is something my mom would totally say.
Thanks, God.
Oh, my God.
Thanks, God.
Oh, Papi.
Thanks, God.
I love Puerto Ricans, bro.
That's funny.
Puerto Ricans are funny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dominicans are funny, too.
All right.
So, like, when Hurricane Maria hit last year, that really bad hurricane that hit Puerto Rico,
I'm glued to internet radio, and I'm listening to, like, the news stations in Puerto Rico,
and they're broadcasting in Spanish.
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Fucking hilarious. There's actually a movie called Fanky Panky, which you have to watch you you would die
It's about it's about those Dominican dudes that live on
That believe in the resorts and try to pick up like a German women like rich German women. It's like it's really funny
All right, they get my god shit. I mean
They try to like they try to they try to hook up with
With the you know, rich white women that come to the resorts. Okay
Call Nation Madhouse Live
what's your name yeah what's your name stupid yeah I'm trying to make an order
hello hello try to make an order yeah well why are you saying stupid things you
know you know I gotta get you some good numbers over here with somebody's
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Fucking Lions Open 405-396-6884
Telephone machine, guys. Telephone machine.
So, look, don't really have a straightforward plan for the show today
just to do some pranks for a couple hours.
You know what I usually do.
Here's Obituary Man.
Here's Obituary Man.
Hello there.
Hello there.
This man was the reason I spent about a year as a child trying to get bit by a spider.
Stanley Martin Lieber died November 12th, 2018 at the young age of 95.
Stanley was an American comic book writer, editor and publisher who was active from the 1940s to the 2010s.
He rose through the ranks of a family-run business to become Marvel Comics' primary creative leader for two decades,
leading its expansion from a small division of a publishing house to a multimedia corporation that dominated the comics industry.
Alright, that's big old Stan Lee, 89,000 years old, finally died.
I remember with Sean Ward, a former Prank Call show guy, from back in the days in the Brill Building back in PCN.
Madhouse Live
Iron Man and the Hulk the Hulk the shitty Hulk with Eric Bana but before they started trying to
gear up the Avengers uh universe of things the Avengers franchise for the Marvel universe so
like X-Men and the the the Spider-Man trilogy had existed but it hadn't gotten super critical like
it has now and um Stanley was there and he I think he had done I think he did can't he always
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Carlito Laugh Track
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
I got Parkman numbers, I got numbers from NuNu
Theresa May, the Prime Minister of UK
is in quite the goal over her Brexit plans
Brad's bringing up Mallrats
Brody didn't even know Stan Lee was at the mall
I don't know why, I like Clerks and the others
in the VSQ universe
but Mallrats is my favorite one, that's the one that I
I liked Clerks, I saw Clerks and I got it
I bought Mallrats in the 99 cent bin at Walmart when after I had lost a job and I went on
unemployment and that first unemployment check I cashed it at the Walmart and I was like well
let me buy myself a like one of them 99 cent DVDs something to do one that I can watch a few times
and I got Mallrats and I spent like six months on uh unemployment at home I'd wake up and like
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Mike Hillock
Customer Service
My name is Cross
How can I help you?
Yeah, how you doing there, Cross?
That's me, American Jed Stewart
Hey, this is American Jed Stewart
What's going on, big guy?
How you doing?
What the fuck's going on?
How are you?
I'm alright, I'm good
How do you vote?
Bring Milkman back or no Milkman?
Ah, fuck, you know what I mean?
Yeah, I know
You gotta stay quiet
You gotta stay quiet
Because, oh shit
You're on hold a little while, you know, you gotta stay quiet. You can't say
Your secret would be about who you really are. Hey, I want to make an order. Yeah
Yeah, one rice rice one rice. Yeah
All right, one chicken. Is that a chicken? Yeah, one chicken
Shit oh shit
One chicken sir. Come on, please. What else you need?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Mark
Grunewald
I got a
What the f***
I'm not looking for garbage!
That's what I'm saying!
That's your place!
What is the other place that's not garbage?
Well screw you, go look for it yourself!
Oh come on!
Just help me!
Do you have Siri?
You can ask!
Where is good Mexican food?
Well where is your f***ing editor?
I can't answer that!
Just help me!
Help me!
And then help me and I don't want to have to bother you again!
Man!
Here's what I found on Mexico's Wikipedia page...
What?
Are you having me talk to your ex-boyfriend?
Hey boy
Hey how you doing
Hey that wasn't me I wasn't doing that
Oh yeah right
Hey I'm super excited about uh California
California
Hello
What do you want
Can you please just help do you have a Google or an Amazon
Or a Siri what do you have
Or an Alexa
What do you have there you have one of them there
What is your phone what is it to speak
It doesn't matter to you
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
California Jack TV
are you going to go or are you not going to go
I want to try Dwight's been
forcing like threatening me if I don't go
he's going to sit on my face
joke's on him if you don't go
he can't sit on your face
I'm going to try my damn
hardest are you
100% going or are you
I'm 90% I was looking at
plane tickets today again 90%
hell yeah I'm going to have to find a good deal
on there if possible
cool hey I was actually
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The Butterball Turkey Hotline
Welcome to Butterball.
To be connected to our Butterball Turkey Talk Line, for information on turkey preparation and cooking assistance, press or say 3.
3. If you have a product question, your call may be monitored or recorded to ensure quality customer service.
Thank you for calling the...
Cherokee Talkman, how can I help you today?
Oh, I need to talk to a woman?
You don't want to talk to a man?
Well, I mean...
I have like 23 years as an executive chef, so I can probably help you out if you'd like.
Oh, where at?
Or I can try to speak to a lady if you'd like.
Where at? Like Whistler?
With what?
Well, where were you an executive chef?
All over the Chicagoland area.
Ah, Chicago?
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
Welcome to Butterball, to be connected, your call may be monitored or recorded to
To ensure quality customer service.
Homer, you wouldn't be in cable, would you?
Turkey Papa, how can I help you?
Yeah, hey, how are you, honey?
Oh, how are you?
Yeah, I'm trying to find out exactly how much gasoline I need.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, yeah, we don't recommend gasoline for a turkey.
Okay, but we want to get it to, we want her to get, like, really, really done.
We were also thinking...
I appreciate that you're calling us for advice, but...
Smokey
Do you know what smokey style is?
Yeah, you have a wonderful day now.
Don't go hang up. I know my rights.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Oh shit.
Oh shit.
Ooh. Something bad just happened.
Okay. This is not good.
I don't know if this is possible. What just happened here with my iPad?
Oh man. My uh...
I'm a 10% iPad battery now so it needs to charge.
But at the same time the cable, the end of the cable on the lightning connector is broken off inside.
I've got something here that says Reclude 16 minutes 25 seconds.
It's not gonna be that long, but now I'm curious.
What's this Reclude audio?
I won't play at all.
I'll try to be back as soon as I can
I'm gonna lift you like a refrigerator, you motherfucker.
And then I'm gonna control you.
Then I'm gonna stuff your ass with your fucking wetback Mexican that you're fucking.
And I'm gonna slide your fucking ass up and your head up and down the stairs and turn your face around coming down.
And then I'm gonna kick the fucking shit out of your ass.
What stairs are you talking about?
It's gonna be the stairs that I drag your fucking ass to where because you know what you just help me out
Shit and I got to occur what I'm saying. I'm gonna drag your ass to the fucking jail stairs
Okay, I'm there and drag your you on a concrete in front of the fucking city hall asshole
Sorry, I don't know what they said, but that's okay. Well, I'm about to tell you what they said. It's horrible
FdXRFishtyVhKHsOVLpE MoEy, aaneBHtGy.HLmGnflGf7YfgmHGsHgH.HggE.YZWFdEkWgYsa UUx.
I suit y'how you're gonna do.
My- and this- alright, Alright.
I blew my cover, it doesn't matter.
What's gonna happen?
Coming down, and we're gonna get my Buick.
I'm telling you.
I'm telling you- that's exactly what's gonna happen.
I mean it's- and nobody's gonna get hurt.
I tell you, I got a- I got a Mace.
And I got a Kevlar.
Nobody's shootin' me.
And I got a, I got a Dobermann Pinch or two, or somethin'.
and don't need to be in the car you know I mean fine you know without an
officer with you and I'm gonna start shooting immediately do I make myself
clear and I don't give a fuck if I can you're not you're gonna be angry for I
don't want to stand man why me be angry Jesus Christ you better thread me and
now you're threatening me and I'm not supposed to get angry bless him buddy
you don't come to my house to do this kind of shit you want to be civilized
Madhouse Live
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You take my four dollars when you buy the beer. I bought it cuz I won't get drunk trying to lay some fucking bar
Maybe you're not a bang over in the hotel. You have a wrong star
No, I buy the king thing and you don't give me my change. That's why you do it in America
You give change they give you money. You got to give you punch it in a cash register and a number pop
All Day I Don't Sell 20 Packs All Day I Don't Sell 20 Packs
Yeah, yeah, I fixed it.
Okay, well, that's the problem.
Whoa.
That's the problem here.
Sorry about that again, folks.
Another Carlito stepping away.
I apologize.
Maybe we just won't do a break tonight.
You know, it's already 8.55 p.m.
Sorry about the loud.
But, hey, the sound effects are working now.
Yeah.
I was able to take off the whole auto box case manifold machine and get a pair of tweezers and pull that out. I've never seen that happen. Fuck right? F-U-C-K-U guys. So let's get to them Parkman numbers. I just did Butter Bull. This here is a Pioneer speaker system for sale. $175. Let's get it so we can yell at my wife. Again I apologize for the wait. But that was fun. I got to hear that reclute stuff. There's still another few minutes of that.
E-E
Thank you for calling me.
Please leave a message.
Hope you have a blessed day.
Bye.
Shoving up your ass with that message, you sum of a bitch.
Fox and copy machine for sale for $25.
Aw, man, I bet you it's a fucking Canon piece of shit.
Please leave your message for...
Please leave your message for...
All right, they ain't going down.
Shit, we don't even have the best part of the show
with that one where the phone rings.
It's just fucking that.
405-396-6884
405-396-6884
is the mouth line
and here's a caller
hello caller how are you
please respect me
hey Carlito
how are you is that really you man
yes it is thanks for calling is that you
is this real
it's me
it's really me
I feel like I'm talking to a celebrity dude
I'm not I'm just a regular guy
hey give me a hug though
big air hug
internet hug
I gotta buy a TV hang on
no I dialed it wrong
I'll try again
yeah you have a television console
you have a what?
you have a television for sale
yes I do
oh what kind of TV is it? how big?
are you real?
yes I was curious like what the size of the TV is
okay I got
I got my cousin pulling one on me
no no
labia
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Pete Chittenden
I've talked to some crazy motherfuckers on this show. I'll tell you what boy
No, you say you stay here we're gonna interrogate you
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Oh, yeah, that part where the train, right?
No, there's a train, too, and it's real long, real pretty.
Yeah, I used to run trains on this woman.
Like, I would measure them, you know?
Yeah, and I like to split cheeks also.
All right, I'd like to come see this dress, you know?
So it wasn't worn?
There's no stains on it or anything like that?
Any smell?
Okay, all right.
Was this yours?
Obviously not, because it was a size 8, and you don't sound like a size 8.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
you motherfucker you know that's just you you know fuck you first lady because i said it first
turn it around and stick it up your ass no you do why don't you eat it and then eat a can of
frosting yeah yeah you had one you ain't got no fucking ball i got a can of frosted right here
for you no you ain't got no ball what kind you like you like duncan heinz are you okay with the
walmart generic the true great value all right yeah oh that escalated finally i think she passed
Go eat a can of frosting Go eat a can of frosting and chew an aspirin
and calm down Why do you think there buddy, what do you
think there buddy?
Harassment She's an angry one
She's gonna me too me She's a fighter
She can tell me too I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't tell
Okay?
Hello?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Pranksgiving
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Pranksgiving Planning Party
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4 hour edition of Party Time
from noon until 4
Eastern Time
and Dwight McClanahan with his show
from 4pm to 7pm
and then after that Jaiad
wraps things up from 7pm
all the way through
10pm and that makes it
24 hours of live prank call
shows we have fun with this every time
we do it every year that we do it
you know what else you gonna do right
Thanksgiving more than likely
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Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
And you can call in 405-396-6884
A lot of people have been calling and I've been missing them
I'm a sorry cat
But that's 405-396-6884
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Yeah, overly obsessed girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah, crazy. Yeah. Yeah, shit happens, dude. So I have a question. Yeah, go ahead, sir. All right, thank you, ma'am. Is Milkman going to be making it to the meetup? Well, yeah, in theory. I mean, I suppose by then I would. Men fences. I'm presuming you're voting. Are you concerned about that? Do you not want him to be there? Are you voting for Milkman or not Milkman? No, I like Milkman. I'm for Milkman.
Madhouse Live
Yeah, yeah, I just think, yeah, yeah, no, there's no way I wouldn't meet up with him if I wasn't, I mean, I'm going to be right there, San Francisco to San Jose, it's right there, yeah, it's right there, it's right there, it's right there, maybe I'll fly into San Francisco instead of San Jose, I don't know, I'm going to hang out with him, uh, wouldn't that be expensive, Uber from those two,
Milkman does Uber, right?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he would probably drive me around because Parkman hung out with him for like a day or something and Milkman drove him everywhere.
Yeah, I'd throw him some business, you know, it'd be great.
He'd probably have fun.
He loves driving.
He just drives and drives because he doesn't have a house.
Yep.
Yeah, he vapes.
He doesn't have a house.
Yeah, he doesn't.
He does have a house.
He has an apartment.
He has an apartment.
Okay.
All right.
Sorry, I have to do a prank call.
Makeda Disk Sander
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
That's not.
No, that's the worst part.
Anaheim Area Code, okay.
West Coast University.
Okay, let's see.
I'm going to call University, I suppose.
How far away is Petaluma?
West Coast University, this is Carly, how may I help you?
Hey, Carlos, how are you?
It's Carly, I'm good, how are you?
Okay, Big Los, how far away are you from Petaluma?
From where?
Petaluma?
I'm not sure, we're in Anaheim.
Okay, okay.
Ooh, yeah, I don't know.
You know, I got my GED in prison, and I'm no longer like a gang member.
I used to be a shot caller on the block,
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Your call is important. Someone will be with you shortly. At West Coast University, helping meet the demand for nurses and dental hygienists in California.
That's too far to go to.
Hey, is this the hookah lounge?
It is. How can I help you, sir?
Good, yeah. I wanted to use a hookah there, and I understand you provide the little briquettes and whatever flavors I want and all that.
Oh, so you want to bring your own hookah?
No, I want to use yours.
Okay.
Okay, do you have falafel there that I can eat?
Yes, we do.
Okay, all right.
Can I do that in the bathroom?
No, I'm sorry, you can't.
Do you have a bathroom there?
We sure do, sir.
What kind of bathroom is it?
Is it the kind you sit down or you stand?
Hello?
What kind of bathroom?
Whatever.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello, catastrophe.
Hello, come in.
Hello?
Okay, good.
To the program, there are no wait lists or lotteries for our nursing courses.
The University still has us on hold. God damn it.
This is a tuxedo shop.
Oh, okay, the suggestion is that my grandpa just passed away. Do they have a tux?
Hang on, before I do that, I want to call some of Nunu's numbers, which are in the United Kingdom.
And these are people who are named the same name as potential successors to the current Prime Minister, Theresa May.
I thought Theresa May was against Brexit and then I understand she has a Brexit plan.
I don't understand.
Now the university hung up.
Fucking.
What happened?
They took me off hold and I didn't talk.
These are Nunu numbers, which means they probably won't answer.
Nunu's very needy.
What if they're on an owl?
Nunu's very needy.
Can it feel cool coming?
Stupid owl.
You know, he won't come to the meetup.
He won't come to the meetup.
Nunu's never wanted to call into a show or nothing.
Doesn't share a picture or nothing.
I've never heard him talk
he probably sounds like
I don't know
you know he probably
I heard
that like if you want to know what
Nunu looks like if you look in the mirror
and you act like you're trying
to bite your ear off with the corner
of your mouth that's what it looks
that's what it looks like
trying to imagine that
like all the time
he does that
no no no
No No No
No No No
No No No
He's just a shy guy that's all
He's probably a celibate you know
and voluntary celibate kind of guy
No I think Nunu gets
he gets the ladies I think
Sons of Owltail
He gives me advice all the time
on how to talk to women like dating advice
That's hot
Just kidding totally not
I don't even know how old Nunu is
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Rastafari Big Bulldyke
No, it's not true.
That's not true.
Nunu's a bulldyke.
Mr. Dale Mogg.
So someone explain to me, I thought Theresa May was on the side that wasn't for Brexit.
And then all of a sudden I'm here and she's got a Brexit plan.
Is she reluctantly putting one together because of the vote?
Is that what it is?
And is it true that most people are pretty much saying that Brexit is a stupid idea anyway?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I was like, of course I did.
They had the water.
Due to the high volume of cold calls, we only answer numbers known to us.
If you wish to contact us, please leave a message, and we will get back to you as soon as possible.
Thank you.
They screen out their calls, basically, is what they're saying.
Well, bollocks to them.
Bunch of bellens.
Anyway, that guy was funny.
He was like, of course, of course, they saw me naked.
They have to wash me.
Poor guy.
Hello, thanks for calling.
It's good to have you.
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I got to meet a lot of neat engineering cats.
That was kind of fun.
Yeah.
What about you?
What's your...
Do you have a track selected yet?
Yeah.
I have a community health major, and then I'm going to go on to grad school for psychology.
Psychology.
Okay.
All right.
Well, good luck with that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
No offense.
Nunu, I'm sorry I tried all your numbers.
None of them picked up.
As you can see, my apologies.
I'm going to try one more number here, which is a tux, tuxedo place.
It's called some bhenchod, hasn't it?
Ah, you know.
Thank you for calling Firetack Shop in Anaheim. This is Marissa. How may I help you?
Hi, you guys rent or sell tuxedos? I'm confused.
We do both, actually.
Okay, all right. Do they have smell?
Do they have smell?
Mm-hmm.
I don't think so.
Do they have a smell to them at all?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
I'm going to let you go, sir.
Okay, all right, all right, but I'm very curious.
All right, cool.
So I've been starting the rumor that if you look at a woman's lips on her face,
you'll get a general idea of how large her vagina is and what it looks like
because they say that about men and their thumbs.
That's a good point.
Yeah, so I've been seeing...
That was hilarious.
Yeah, thanks, thanks.
Thanks for the laugh.
I appreciate it.
That was fun.
Yeah, no problem.
Yeah, she seemed all right with it, you know.
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KFC Baked Beans
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Madhouse Live
I have remembered that story for a while, but shit, those were the best fucking baked beans ever, and now that I think about it, I'm going to make some baked beans one day, and I'm going to use grape jelly.
Now, I'm not going to call them old N-word beans.
I'll call them something else.
Hey, does you people have baked beans there?
What happened?
Does you people have baked beans?
Do you sell baked beans as a side?
No.
No?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
and then your potato wedges aren't as good as walmart so if i'm gonna have the carbs for
potato wedges i'll just go to walmart again so what else do you got there do you have corn
not the corn on the cob because that fucks up my teeth do you have like kernel kernel corn
yeah um what was your question i'm sorry i didn't hear that what's the best sides you got but i'm
telling you the ones i know already i don't like i don't like the mashed potatoes and gravy because
The Gravy Tastes Like Bugs
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Swamps and the Rivers and the Lakes in Florida Central Florida at least I don't know if they
haven't down South South Florida but they suck but the smell of them like I just remember from
washing them off my car you have to wash them immediately also because they destroy your paint
their their guts are kind of acidy so they'll fuck up your paint something permanent and they're hard
as fuck to get off so you end up having to wash your car a lot or you got bug splattered crap all
The Smell and Taste of Kentucky Fried KFC Gravy
I'm not trying to be racist. I think they should just embrace that culture. There's southern culture.
African Americans don't have exclusive rights over cornbread and collard greens.
And I'm, you know, KFC does have them more. Now, not as much as some other chains.
Popeyes is more like Louisiana Kitchen, right? Isn't that what they call themselves? A Louisiana Kitchen?
So they try to go Creole, but they southern it out every once in a while.
Man, I miss Church's Chicken. Man, I miss Florida. I miss good food.
Can't find a damn Church's Chicken anywhere up here.
Note Our Weekend Opening Hours Have Changed For Our New Hours And Location Please Press 2
If You Like To Place Your To-Go Order Online Please Press 3
For Our Delivery Service Press 4
For Catering Press 5
To Place Your To-Go Order Online Please Use The Red GrabHub Link On Our Webpage
Grubhub
or call them at
877-585-1085
877-585-1085
The number again is
877-585-1085
Oh, is this all this is? She's going to give me instructions to shit here.
Alright, someone's calling in.
Hello, caller. Thanks for calling. You're clear.
So you finally pick up, you son of a bitch.
Hey, motherfucker.
It's just Brendan.
Oh, hey, Brendan.
Hey, how are you, Brendan?
Hey, buddy. Hey, I did send you a couple
I did send you a couple numbers.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Go to the website, it'll be covered in English.
computer computer computer yeah i didn't get you i'm sorry computer computer uh can i have your
phone number yeah two contact number 201 uh-huh 2018 yeah can i get the area code too 630 okay
computer computer uh one second computer touch the computer it sounds like you're putting it
in an old 80s calculator uh yeah can i have your number stupid can i have your name yeah cross
C-K-R-E-R-E-O-U-S-S-Z
C-K-R-O-U-S-E-Z-X-W
What is your name exactly?
Cross
Is that C-K-R-O-O-U-S-T-Z-K-U-Z-K-Z-X-V?
Yes
Is that it?
Yes, that's it
Your number is 630-201-21-2018, right?
Yes
Okay, can I have your order?
One butter chicken
Okay
Do you want it plain rice or garlic, non-butter, non-or?
Ass water
Sorry, I can't hear you properly
Ass water?
Ice water
Yep
I didn't get you, I'm sorry, I'm not understanding what you're saying
Okay, just, uh, so rice, I could do rice or garlic naan, you're saying
Yeah, rice, uh, rice is complimentary one
Fart
Naan is like one dollar, uh, more
Fart, okay, yeah, one garlic naan
Okay
Okay
Is that mild, medium, spicy?
Uh, medium
Okay, anything else?
Yep, uh, one chicken tikka masala
Okay
Spicy
Do you want with plain non-garlic, non-butter, or rice?
Okay.
Spicy? Anything else?
Yes, one bhenchod.
Excuse me?
One bhenchod.
I have it written down here.
My friend Sanjay, he said to order this for him.
What is that exactly?
He wrote down bhenchod.
I don't know.
He just said, hey, call the place.
I go there a lot.
He said he was going to pick it up.
He left.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Print
quini
aufen
with
writes
hyun
c
not
group
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Banshaud
Banshaud
Sorry what?
Banshaud
I have it written down here to order banshaud and madarchod
I don't have anything like that
Okay, do you have sister in the back?
Lovely sister?
No, lovely brother?
Who puts, who put on a dress for me instead?
Maybe you, okay so you put on a dress, I'll bring a dress, I have a wedding dress, I
want you to put it on to see you
I want to see your
Sorry what you're thinking I didn't
I want to see your body in the back
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
It doesn't hurt to try.
It doesn't hurt.
No.
I'm starting to get hungry.
I didn't have dinner.
I need to have dinner.
Low power, low power.
I hope everyone's enjoying the show.
I hope you are.
Did you have a vote on the Milkman crisis?
It's that old motherfucker.
I really need you guys to back me up and give me a reason not to bring him back.
And you guys really fucked me over tonight.
Thanks.
Everyone.
Not one person said, but any other time.
Fuck Milkman.
Fucking Milkman.
Every other time.
All right.
This guy isn't answering.
All right.
All right, is the last one the Armenian or the Albanian, rather?
Yeah.
You ever see that movie Wag the Dog?
Um, yes, I have.
It's been a while.
Was it Albania that they started a fake war with, I think?
It's a country.
It was Albania.
That was a good movie.
I really enjoyed that movie.
The subscriber you have dialed is not in service.
If you feel you've received this message in error...
Yes, your Albanian friend has blacklisted us, sir.
I think you did a number on that.
That doesn't surprise me.
That doesn't surprise me.
But we'll get him.
I'll get my best people on it, and we're on it.
Don't worry about it, okay, buddy?
Get the arm and the neck and the leg.
We have another one now.
Okay.
Yeah, all right.
You got it, man.
All right, big guy.
Thanks.
You're out of here.
You're done.
You're done.
Thank you.
Bye.
Bye.
Yep.
All right, Brandon.
Big baby Brandon.
Yeah.
Thank you for the numbers.
We had fun with that first one.
All right.
So what do we do here, guys?
This show usually ends about now, but I did start an hour late, but I also didn't do
a break.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
But also shorter.
Let's see how many more Parkman numbers I can knock out.
We'll call it a night.
U.S. Air Conditioning Distributors.
See if they're open indeed.
And I got to get to the Super Chats.
If they're ready.
Just one Super Chat from Catastrophe who also called in earlier today.
Who said, little chicken you.
Oh, thank you.
Little chicken me.
You know, we haven't heard much peck peck the chicken in a while.
I got kind of tired of that one, eh?
Really hope I get to go to San Jose.
To Silicon Valley and meet up.
Prank Call Indian Restaurant
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P.L.A. Sports Soccer Shop
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Alright, cool. Thanks.
Then I was wondering today driving home, you know, they got these self-driving cars, the Vespas, you know what I mean?
The Elon Musk cars. The Teslas. Vespa. Teslas. How do they handle driving in snow?
Like, because today it was quite perilous. I had to put it in D3, and then I had to put it in D2, and then I had to put it in D1 at one point.
Madhouse Live
I think I'm going to move back to Orlando or Central Florida.
I think I'm going to do Tampa this time.
I like what Tampa has going on.
Yeah, I'm going to buy a GMC truck.
GMC car?
Is that what this song used to be used for?
Commercials?
Yes.
Hello?
Thank you for calling about Senior Living Options.
My name is Wylene.
How can I help you?
Hi, Coco.
I was looking for a young girl to help take care of us.
Okay, and for quality assurance,
Assurance We're On A Recorded Line For This And Future Calls So Are You Looking For Someone To Come Into Your Place Yeah To Come Bathe Me And Wash Me Okay Sure I Want To Take My Let Me Just Pair You With One I Take My Pants Off And My Panties And My Clothes And Everything And They Can Bathe Me And Wash Me Okay Can I Please Get Your First And Last Name Please Yes My First Name Is Akulo A-C-U-L-O Last Name Is Krasinski Last Name Please Krasinski Do You Need Me To Spell That Please
K-C-R-U-J-C-Z-K-I-N-K-E-E-E
Okay, thank you. And are we speaking on the best phone number to reach you, please?
No. The best phone number is for me to fart in my hand and smell it.
Okay, and can I please verify your zip code, please?
I want to fart in my hand and smell it.
What's your zip code, please?
I don't want to tell you what's your zip code well I won't be able to transfer you to an advisor
if you won't be able to give me your zip code well can you give me a better person to talk to
yes but in order for me to move on
write it down
all right fuck you fuck this song new song new song here we go been a long time since I fucked
The Ho I think this is the last the last last prank of the night guys we're gonna end right on
time one hour less of show today but I'm still recovering I did it did go a lot better than I
did last week sorry about that it was real depressing right that show last week I couldn't
even talk yet hospital hospital motherfucker thank you for calling
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
How would you like to have a dog that would immediately obey your every command?
Not only the basic commands that every well-mannered dog should know, like sit, stay, come, and
down, but also one free of any bad behaviors, like barking, pulling, chewing, chasing, jumping,
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Ain't no Cesar Millan
Motherfucker you
Hi first of all I need you to speak up
Since I'm not deaf
Dog
Yeah I'm calling about the perfect dog
Hello
My bad my bad my bad
Like Milkman would say
Don't piss in the pot man
Aw Milkman aw
Alright I'll call him this weekend
Sons of bitches you fucking listeners
You fans
Man's Quote-On-Quote Fans Phenos Fans and Name Only's.
I gotta get going Don Lemon's on CNN.
I'm not the biggest Don Lemon fucking fan but that means it's getting late and I haven't
eaten dinner yet and I need to do that shit.
I need to get my medication in me and I have to eat my medication.
I have to take my medication with food motherfucker.
Hey Mouthline Caller.
We're doing a call.
Yes.
Yes hello.
Whatever same lady Jesus Christ she sucks.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah, we kept in mind for a while it was a bit that long.
I'll check it out.
I like, I like, I'm in the mood for a Lunk Alarm call.
I'll hear it.
I'll hear it.
Yeah, cool.
Yeah.
Lunk Alarm.
All right.
Big Lunk you.
Fuck you.
You Lunkhead you.
All right.
All right, I gotta go, man.
My sugar's getting low.
You take care, man.
We'll talk more next week.
All right, buddy?
Yeah.
See you, bud.
All right.
That's, uh, that's fucking strange ideas.
Strange for life.
Strange life.
Oh!
Life.
Life is strange.
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Call me back
Motherfucker
Bye
Love you to dad buddy
The dad was having a hard time on Facebook
He missed his wife
I feel so bad for him
So let's all keep the dad in your prayers
This Thanksgiving coming up
This Pranksgiving coming up
And hopefully maybe they get to see each other
And the dad will be able to provide oral sex to her
And you know she'll sit on her face
His face and her own face too
Play a video
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hello there Carlito, answer the fucking phone, you dead motherfucker, you never call or answer me when I fucking call you, motherfucker, my wife is right here next to me, and she's fucking hot, and I love my wife, she's beautiful, so let's, oh I don't know what to fucking say, I will talk to you later Carlito,
Airhead
He needs to wipe my vagina with his tongue and there's nothing sexual about it or gratifying to me
I don't want him to have to do that, but that's how it has to go down
That's how this prison hierarchy is man
You're that he's gonna let me bust his cheeks voice must take so long to start sometimes trying to play this one for this cab
But it's 14 seconds. I don't know. I'm sorry, buddy. Someone said West Coast University
Was kind of oh there someone was playing my shit in the background. That's what it was
Never mind, never mind. Transcription not available. This is in Spanish.
Carlo, it's your dad.
Hey, dad.
It's papa.
Papa.
Why you not come see me down in Florida?
Fuck you.
Come down see me, please.
Yeah, but no.
I need shoes.
I hate you, dad.
I want to give you a good open mouth kiss.
I wrote a poem.
Okay.
Carlo, take off your peaches.
I shall lean on the tip of my dick.
You're warm.
My butt cheeks.
I feel a fever.
When you was in the shower when we was in the shower my butt cheeks was warm girl a sweetie pulled on your PJs nice
Yeah, I don't really get along with my dad
I think about a lot
I know he's gonna die soon, and I probably should make up with him
But I can't even make up with milkman how I'm supposed to make up with that devil. Who's my dad. Yeah, that's not me
Yeah, this is it all right, so this is slow Elvis. This is what I call
I'm sorry
I'm sorry I just enjoy the show yeah and I think you're funny as a motherfucker
you milkman um jag uh all bread um the horse machine I'm missing two-thirds of them I can't
remember uh jim jim jim stewart jim stewart is the funniest son of a bitch ever in my life
he is yeah yeah I wish y'all was a funny guy y'all are y'all some good funny sons of bitches
Madhouse Live
Prank Calls of the Week
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Call National Business Telephone Machines
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Everyone, don't forget, next week we'll be kicking off, by this time next Thursday, we'll be kicking off 24 hours of live prank call shows.
It's Pranksgiving 2018, and it's coming at you.
Hijinx.fun slash pranks is the Hijinx Discord chat room open to everyone.
Be sure to check that out. Behave yourself in there, please.
That's all I got for you. You all have a good weekend. I'll be around.
Thank you.

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