MadhouseLive

Pranksgiving 2018!

21 Nov 2018 · 4 h 17 min · 16,858 words · source

Calls (50, 1 h 52 min of 4 h 17 min)

  1. Zappos automated menu ivr 33 s clip ↓
  2. JCPenney order request live 1.6 min clip ↓
  3. JCPenney customer service about red status ivr 1.3 min clip ↓
  4. JCPenney customer service named Missy live 33 s clip ↓
  5. Madhouse Live intro playback playback 33 s clip ↓
  6. Call Nation jewelry department asked about gold labia live 3.8 min clip ↓
  7. Craigslist-style bracelet inquiry live 33 s clip ↓
  8. Kohl's jewelry department asked about labia bracelet ivr 5.8 min clip ↓
  9. Call Nation Madhouse Live asked to light up labia live 4.1 min clip ↓
  10. Call Nation Madhouse Live intro live 33 s clip ↓
  11. Women's clothing with stains prank live 2.3 min clip ↓
  12. Guam pig seller asked about pigs live 1.8 min clip ↓
  13. Number you have dialed does not answer live 6.3 min clip ↓
  14. Major Tinnitus calls in live 48 s clip ↓
  15. Adam Jepsen sells gunsmith accessories live 1.1 min clip ↓
  16. Domino's customer service call live 33 s clip ↓
  17. Hotel front desk automated menu ivr 48 s clip ↓
  18. Caller from Bangladesh accused of being a Paki live 3.1 min clip ↓
  19. Red Roof Inn front desk event request live 1.3 min clip ↓
  20. Red Roof Inn guest sexual event talk live 1.1 min clip ↓
  21. Hotel front desk complaint about toilet use live 6.6 min clip ↓
  22. Call Nation Madhouse Live about staff gender live 8.3 min clip ↓
  23. Zion's Motel automated transfer ivr 5.1 min clip ↓
  24. Zion's Motel guest about neighbor's toilet live 4.1 min clip ↓
  25. Kohl's jewelry department menu ivr 2.6 min clip ↓
  26. Sunrise Apartments in Guam asked about one bedroom live 1.8 min clip ↓
  27. United Water Administration prank call to Terrence live 33 s clip ↓
  28. Windshield guy Rudy asked about car live 1.8 min clip ↓
  29. Coffee Express automated menu ivr 2.6 min clip ↓
  30. Call Nation Madhouse Live caller angry live 2.8 min clip ↓
  31. Kohl's automated menu ivr 1.3 min clip ↓
  32. Call Nation Madhouse Live Thanksgiving talk live 1.6 min clip ↓
  33. Call Nation Madhouse Live conference call live 48 s clip ↓
  34. Madhouse Live group playback playback 2.3 min clip ↓
  35. Replaying prank call credits playback 10.1 min clip ↓
  36. Prank Call Nation caller live 1.3 min clip ↓
  37. Smad's confession call live 1.6 min clip ↓
  38. Kohl's in Sherwood asked about labia live 33 s clip ↓
  39. Kohl's bedding department asked about labia live 1.6 min clip ↓
  40. Jewelry department asked about labia live 2.8 min clip ↓
  41. Call Nation Madhouse Live prank call live 33 s clip ↓
  42. Zion's Motel voicemail transfer ivr 33 s clip ↓
  43. Bitcoin consultant denied at motel live 1.3 min clip ↓
  44. Jones help call with distress live 1.8 min clip ↓
  45. Water administration emergency call live 33 s clip ↓
  46. Ballet studio asked about one-way mirror live 2.1 min clip ↓
  47. Waffle House caller mocked for being gay live 48 s clip ↓
  48. Internet cafe asked about YouTube access live 3.1 min clip ↓
  49. Leading Edge Health customer service live 1.6 min clip ↓
  50. Nutrisystem after hours ivr 1.8 min clip ↓

Transcript

You dialed the wrong room, you stupid son of a bitch.
Hurry the fuck up, motherfucker, all right?
Whoa, whoa, you didn't even walk to the toilet.
No, no, no, sir, you need to stop flushing the toilet.
No, no, it was just, it keeps making that noise, you know, that sound.
Can I get your name and number?
My name is Cross. Last name is Pervert.
Okay, thank you, sir.
Have a good day.
I'm Pervert Junior.
We're perverted. We're perverted people.
I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito
That's my big amigo
So just kick back to listen to this cat call people
When this show goes live I be like damn this shit's bitchin'
Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen
You can catch me in the back of his home at Horse Machine Ranch Road
I bust the mad fat flows for assholes and banchos
I spit crazy, shout out to Big Amy, that's nice honey baby
We kissin' pussy so ladies such as Labia
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Eatin' pork will give you high blood pressure.
Eatin' pussy will fuck you up on the inside in the long run.
Eatin' dick will fuck you up in the long run from the inside.
That's why we got AIDS and all this other bullshit around here.
Okay, so the term eating vagina, you're more so licking.
You're not really eating it.
Well, then you're consuming the shit that comes from the licking.
You're consuming the glue.
No
You're nasty you man you eat you eat a pumpkin pea
Oh Kate
Wee
You heard about what's going on in there?
Heard a lot of bullshit talk I know that much
This isn't bullshit my friend
Do you know something?
Don't listen to me
What do you know?
Maybe I do and maybe I don't
What I say is they got no business negotiating
We oughta be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard
Oh is that right?
We do it now we do it with little use
Am I right Hal?
Wait wait wait wait a minute Frank
You guys and their black Muslims, Panthers, Young Lords
ji
jr
ladies and gentlemen
this is
prank call nation
so you've reached zappos.com powered by survey
We are unable to come to the phone right now as we are spending time with our family
ah motherfucker
who supposed to be open
please feel free to write us at c s
you are supposed to be open
Well so much for the cold open
Hey everyone Happy Pranksgiving
I guess Zappos will have to wait till tomorrow
I don't know. I was told the day would be open, and I was lied to. I was lied to by Parkman. Parkman is the liar, everyone. I thought he was sending me numbers tonight. What's going on, Parkman? He's probably with his family, maybe, you know? Family stuff. Family business. Pranksgiving, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, everyone, for tuning in.
Let's try to get some pranks out of the way and then we'll talk.
We're going to have a nice chat with you wankers.
Shut up, Weeping Angel.
I know what you're trying to say, that I play a lot of fart sound effects.
Why don't you shut up, you stupid, you mad baby, baby Huey-looking motherfucker, you.
Hey, what's going on, baby Huey?
What was your name?
Huey?
Exactly.
All right, he won't call me no baby Huey.
This is Pete.
Is this a prank?
No, I need to make an order.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
Where I'm from that when they say the chili they say like take a shit on it, but that's not that's not what I'm you know
You know, you know how the chili looks like someone took a shit on it like this. That's what it looks like
I'm just joking around but I do need to make an order. I do need to make an order. Please. Come on. Come on
Well, she okay man, so I've got the report here of the Thanksgiving hours
Calls Calls Calls Calls
JCPenney
I don't even know what else they sell fucking JCPenney now as a big and tall guy I mean
let's be honest I'm not there I'm not at the big and tall shop or the big and tall section
for the tall part I'm there for the big part Big Carlos is what they call me that being
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Select 3
For appliances
Select 4
For Sephora
Select 5
For optical
Select 6
For portrait
Select
We could play
JCPenney
For jewelry
Select 1
For shoes
Select 2
Not you Echo
One moment please
I changed
It's name
From Alexa
Cause
Everyone
All the commercials
Say Alexa
JCPenney
Is having me
Direct your call
Hey you guys
Are open all the way
Through
To tomorrow
Closed tomorrow night at 10.
Okay, but you're open now and you're not closing anymore?
Correct. We don't close again until tomorrow at 10 p.m.
Okay, and this is like the most boring-est, slowest Black Friday place, right?
Yeah, pretty much. No, it's pretty often.
Yeah, but you guys are doing pretty bad right now, right?
No.
Yeah?
No.
I mean, last quarter you guys were in the red. You've been in the red since 2011.
I don't have anything to do with that.
Are they cutting your hours?
No.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Black Friday Starts This Thursday
Doors open at 2pm
for our ultimate Black Friday event
Don't miss out
4 hours this week are Sunday 11 a.m.
Blah, blah, blah.
Just giving you my options.
Poo-ta.
9 p.m.
One moment, please.
Missy, this is Katie.
How may I help you?
Hey, how you doing, Big Katie?
Hello.
Hello, please.
Nobody answered you?
Well, no one answered me.
No.
Why?
Well, it's a part call.
It's a fart call?
Part.
Fart.
U-A-R-S-O.
It's a fart.
No, I need a full call, not a part call.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Prank Calls
Timer
Alright, fair enough.
Dun dun dun dun dun
Alright, so, that being said, as we do here
every year, 24 hours of live
prank call shows, we've only missed
a year, I think, maybe two
in the last...
When did we start this? 2012?
I think? We've had a pretty good run.
Always fun, always fun.
So, as I said, I'm on until 3am
Madhouse Live
RBCP Brad Carter
Party Time
Party Time
Party Time
Party Time
And a live Calls of Mass Confusion, a very special one. He's got a lot of things planned.
He says this is the end of him for prank calls. I'm like, get out of here. All right, come on.
Everyone comes back. Everyone comes back. He's going to wrap things up. He's going to start at
7 p.m. and finish it out 10, 15 p.m. It has to be 10, 15 p.m. Jaiad, because that's when I did
the first prank call. So there you go. If you missed any of that, if you didn't understand,
www.madhouselive.com
Madhouse Live
If you want to support do so and I've encouraged everyone who's going to be doing a show
Not to worry about promoting this or that. It's you know, take care of yourselves
I don't know. I think it's going to be up to everyone to make their shows available
You know brad's going to release his on his streams and links and his feeds phone brothers will do the same
I believe lux is going to handle that for the phone brothers show that they're doing together
So anyway, look we got a lot of pranks to get to we got a lot of stuff to do
Prank Calls
Prank Calls
Prank Calls
Labia Nation
Echo has a meaty labia
John Doe donated yesterday
Love your show
I know this is pre-recorded
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
One Moment Please
You Have Entered An Invalid Extension
For Women Select One
For Men Select Two
No Toys For Christmas
And Get Us No Presents
One Moment Please
You Have Entered An Invalid Extension
For Women Select One
For Men Select Two
For Lingerie Select Three
For Children Select Four
For Fine Jewelry Select Five
One moment, please.
There's no lingerie.
Every time I try to hit the lingerie option, it doesn't work.
Jewelry department.
Hi, I was trying to get through to jewelry.
I've been transferred like five times.
Well, you're talking to jewelry.
All right.
Do you have jewelry for fat people, fat girls?
We have all different kinds of jewelry.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm not sure.
It says 18.
You would have to just come in and look.
Well, come on.
I'm asking you if you still have the 18 karat gold labia.
Can you ask and see if someone knows if it's there still?
I'm sure that we have it, yes.
Is it that slow?
No, we are very, very busy right now.
Okay.
But compared to...
It is Black Friday.
Yeah, but it's JCPenney.
You haven't turned a profit since...
Yes, we are very busy.
You haven't turned a profit since 2011.
But like I said, just come in and check it out.
Have they been cutting your hours?
You have a great night.
Hey, good luck, I know you guys
Oh god, every JCPenney's got the echo
Stupid call, right guys? It's here for stupid call, yeah
I'm not talking to you, echo, go fuck yourself
I'm not sure, shut up, shut up, echo, shut up, echo, shut up, echo, shut up, shut up
I don't know why I put a fucking spy microphone inside my office here like it's a fucking good
idea I'm just watching Netflix sometimes the motherfucker goes off looks like New Orleans
is gonna be the fucking Falcons it's the beginning of the fourth they're by well still close 14
ости
The
World
The
World
the
world
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Okay, all right, like a Craigslist?
Yeah, he said that he had, he thought he had heard of a bracelet like that, but he said we have never had it in our store.
Okay, so you know labia, what it is, it's the vaginal lips on a woman.
That's what I had you asking people, if you had a piece of jewelry that looks like the vaginal, the vagina lips.
Yeah, stupid.
Oh, cool.
Poo-ta
Pendeja
Alright
Here's another one
I used to steal his gear I was I'll be taking calls and a little bit here I'm stretching it out after 11 so in about 15 minutes I'll start taking callers I'll open up the line
the manager at the last place said he thought he heard about something like that oh yeah I think
I've heard of that really surprised how many lady don't know what labia is how many lady I said
How many units of lady?
No, don't fall on the ground, fucking poker.
What the poker are you?
Oh, Zolar.
Where's Zolar?
Zolar said to hit him up when the show started.
Where's that Zolar motherfucker?
The person you have called is not available.
For dot com, home, men's and shoes, select one.
Misses, select two.
Children, select three.
Let's try missus.
Maybe they don't know what labia is.
What is the difference between missus and juniors?
I know what maternity is SL Catastrophe Wears
but she's not pregnant
we're about to give up on this
this is an actual busy Jay-Z band
kill it, kill it
yeah, jewelry
alright, I give up
did they close?
no, it's 10.50
it's still early
All right, so Parkland said he sent me numbers, but I didn't get him in my inbox.
I don't know what he's talking about.
I don't know what he's smoking.
Oh, can't forget my man down in Maryland.
He's gone to November.
Let me search on his email address in case I got him earlier and didn't realize.
No, the last one I got is 1114.
Well, shit.
I was brought up in pain.
Y'all can't touch me.
Police pursue me.
Chase cuff and subdue me.
We'll wait on those. In the meantime, back to the list. Let's try some Kohl's out, since they're open.
I know they have jewelry there. I'm on this big jewelry labia thing. It's working. Let's stick to it.
Alright. Thanks.
That's a Facebook. More Facebooks.
Welcome to Kohl's in Wheeling.
We are now open. And for your convenience, we are open all night tonight. To speak with a department associate, press 3. For directions to the store, press 4.
Transferring, please hold.
I'm not going to bother calling Best Buy. I just realized, I mean, at least last year. I'll try them, but last year, they just, literally, you called and said, sorry, we're too busy.
Transferring, please hold.
Come on.
Thank you for calling Kohl's, and how can I deliver greatness for you today?
Jorah you're going to deliver the greatness of God. I needed to talk to someone in jewelry, but I don't have time to wait a long time.
Well, we're real busy, so.
Well, that's not my problem.
Well, nobody can hold on.
Jorah, can I deliver greatness to you today?
Yes, I need to check on an item, please.
Okay.
It's the Labia bracelet, 14 carat.
Do you have a UPC or a SKU number or anything like that?
All I have is Labia, L-A-B-I-A.
Do you know the price?
39.99
Maybe you can ask one of the ladies might know.
I understand you're a man.
Hold on one minute.
What's up with Deliver Greatness?
It sounds like they're like one of them Christian stores now.
Like Hobby Lobby and shit.
Chick-fil-A.
I ain't got time for this.
Back to the list.
Let that suck-a-ass bitch look for labia all he wants.
And I'm kind of not wanting to mess with Walmarts.
Because god damn it, it takes a long time.
Even on not Black Friday.
Welcome to Kohl's. We are now open. And for your convenience, we are open all night tonight for the Department of Associates Press 3.
Thank you for calling Kohl's. This is Kay.
Hi, Big Kay. How you doing?
Good, thanks.
Alright, is this jewelry?
No, did you want jewelry?
What do you do there?
I'm in customer service.
Oh, really? Is the jewelry busy? Because I have an item on me.
Honey, I can't see them. I have no idea.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I don't know what that is.
Well, can you ask someone who might know?
Supervisor?
Hold on.
Hurry up.
Making the people look for the shit.
Fucking my dog.
Oh, fucker.
See, got a lot of stores and Guam numbers here.
Ooh, a Sega Genesis Activator.
So was that the gun, right?
The Activator?
Oh, no, that was the Equalizer.
I thought, what was...
There goes the iPad.
iPad Sound Effects
We'll let that hold there for a second and I'm gonna call on this activator
Well, what let's know what was the Sega activator because of the VH excuse me a VHS tape
Freakshus is the thing you stood? Okay, so it's like kind of Oh for the Genesis. Oh, so you could like swing around
Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. That's right
Like you could play Mortal Kombat you could swing out but it didn't really work if I remember correctly just it was could the duh
I got a power glove one Christmas.
And I think I used it like once.
It sucked.
It was so stupid.
I was all excited to play.
I'm going to play Mario with my power glove.
Because I saw that stupid The Wizard movie.
I was like, yeah, I'm going to have master control with the power glove.
And it was like the most uncomfortable, unintuitive controller ever.
They didn't have many games, like specific games.
Or they had a couple, but they weren't that good either.
Mouthline 405-396-6884
405-39-MOUTH
Hello. Hello. Hello. Did she find out what labia means? Yes, she did. Ma'am, sir. I command you to speak. Why are you not speaking stupid? Cabrona. That's what I expected. Okay, man. So yeah, again, while during the prank call marathon 605-475-0097. That number is also listed at madhouselive.com. You can go there. That's your central location for all the tune in options for the 24 hour show machine-a-thon.
I hope you had a great Thanksgiving.
I was kind of bummed out, man.
It was like a white people Thanksgiving for me.
I just, I got to get, I got to go to Puerto Rico or Florida again, man.
I got to be with my family because these white people can't cook no turkey.
It's all dry.
They put gravy, fucking white people in their fucking gravy, man.
Fucking nasty.
And it doesn't even, they don't even do real, like, all right, in Puerto Rico, in a Puerto
Rican family, we make the turkey.
Our gravy is like straight up.
It came from the bird.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Oh, what's up, guys?
You son of an owl, you.
Yeah.
Ooh, shit, man, I need a blood.
Yeah, you're coming back.
I'm going to do some pranks in 2019.
I spread that word, and people were excited.
Yeah, I saw fucking 1,000 people saw it.
It was quite impressive.
Yeah, man.
That's the Carlito effect.
Yep.
Congratulations.
I don't know what to do about that.
It's like you tell somebody something, and then suddenly you have to, like, you don't
realize the commitment you've made until after you've said it.
Ah, shit.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah, not in the same room.
Do they do like a happy, do they do like a happy happy?
Oh, yeah, dude.
Yeah.
In San Francisco.
Yeah, yeah, so, but we don't go together.
We go at the same time, but you go in your room, and I go in my room.
You don't want to be in my room?
Well, a couple's massage, but, you know.
Yeah, yeah, you can be in my room.
Because you have like 5% body fat, and I have like 50%, and you're going to be like,
oh, look at this little penis.
Okay.
I'm going to bite you.
Yeah?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Okay, well, this was on Craigslist, so that's why the confusion, you know?
Okay, if you plan to purchase online, can you send an email request on that?
We never, this is the first time that we're asking.
No, but I'm here in Guam. I'm in Guam. God damn it. You understand?
I'm in the military. I'm in Guam, all right? And I need this LED.
I want to light up my woman's, my female's labia.
Okay.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I'm sorry hello hi hello I say okay I'm sorry uh yes what was your question earlier oh I need to
light up the labia and the vagina you know okay uh these uh fog lights spotlights uh they are
running on the 12 volt and they are led each the led has three watts so the one I mentioned earlier
Call Nation Madhouse Live
James
Yes
This is the item that you found on Craigslist
Do you have Google?
Do you have Google?
I can just tell you what it is that I need you to look up
We can take a look
See if I can give you the term
Can you just put it in Google?
No, you, you
Oh, God
Come on, lady, you're stressing me out
And I'm having trouble with the technical side of things right now
Okay, please
Yeah, it would be better if you could talk to someone
Who has more information than I do right now
I can leave you his cellular number for you to contact him. I believe that would be the best way. No, no, no
I don't want that. Okay, I don't
I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta go. Bye
Shit Jim, you're right. I don't know why you can't hear the calls. That doesn't make any sense. I
Don't know why I can't hit it cool. I gotta I gotta stink about this
Are you hearing music now Jim? Yeah, okay some different but I know I hear myself. Okay now, okay, okay
I will adjust that.
Keep working on that.
I hear some really cool Cuban music.
Yep, it is Cuban.
Very good.
You may hear a little bit of an echo, but I'm adjusting it, all right?
All right.
We'll get there.
We'll get there.
Still hear yourself?
Can you say something?
No.
Now I can say penis and I can't hear it.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Good, good, good.
All right.
We're fixed.
Thank you for your patience, everyone.
And thank you, Jenna Stewart, most important for your patience and for not hanging up.
That was the LED call.
That was interesting.
I have an iPhone for sale, an iPhone.
I don't like how closed off it is. I have an iPad. I love my iPad, but I can't imagine having my phone on iOS, you know, I'm trying to sit now.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
I'm gonna get the new ones pretty nice. You know, and I'm gonna get the new iPad Pro that I got this year. I don't know if that's the same one.
But what does mine say? What is it? It's A1707. I don't know what that means. I don't know. I've got a new, I've paid a lot of money for all my stuff, so I know I've got good stuff.
Yeah. At least I assume that's the logic behind it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The new one's pretty good though, man. It's, I mean, technically on specs.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Mr. Jim Stewart
Oh, oh, no, no.
You got the wrong number.
Yeah, yeah.
No, no, no, no.
You're selling an iPhone?
No, no, no, I'm not.
What do you mean, no?
Why would you put an ad to sell the iPhone if you're not selling an iPhone?
It's sold already.
Oh, it's sold?
Can't you get it back?
Yeah.
Well, can you not get it?
Can you?
I will give you extra additional funding for it.
Can you not return it from the buyer?
Ah.
Yeah.
Pendejo, right?
Yeah, he doesn't like the British.
I think that's what it is.
Yeah, that's probably what it is.
Because it's Guam, and some of them do have beef with you people.
Well, you're not your people.
Guam, yeah. Guam.
Where's Guam?
In the Pacific.
I'm quite ignorant. I don't know these things.
No, that's okay. You don't need to know.
I'm going to need to know, babe.
You have reached 6, 7, 1, 2, 3.
No, we haven't. And be quiet.
Was that the same dude?
No, this is women's clothing for sale.
I was going to ask for clothing with piss stains and pee stains, you know.
Hi, yes, we're calling for the women's clothing with piss stains and pee stains.
We are really big fans.
And poop. I like the poop.
Yeah, and semen stains.
Yeah, yeah.
God damn it. I like to eat it. I like a woman to sit on my face.
You know what I mean?
All right, thank you for your time.
God bless you. Happy Thanksgiving.
Pound.
All right.
Oh, wow.
Oh, it's him.
It's too bassy.
Get out of here. I don't want to hear that.
Fucking bassy sounding piece of shit.
I don't know.
Maybe that's why the guy was weird.
You think so? You stink so?
You think, yeah.
Maybe I can undo my bass a little bit here.
Let's see.
Bass, bass, bass.
And Carlito's bass.
That's more. That's worse.
Here's more treble. There we go.
And a little more or less bass.
Okay. All right.
Not so much bass in my voice anymore.
Hey, everyone, if you want to call in and do a prank with us,
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I'm Chopped Liver
bhenchod
bhenchillod
bhenchillod
hi, how are you? you got that thing for sale?
i forget what it was
you have wild pigs for sale?
pigs?
You have pigs for sale? Pigs? Piggies?
Okay. What can you tell me about them? What can you tell me?
Okay. Hi, you stupid Guam. Yeah, you have pigs for sale.
Okay. Well, I'm on Guam. I'm stationed here and I need some pigs. We're going to have a pig roast.
Hello. Hello. Okay. What's the problem with you? Why?
Listen, the pigs, do you have female pigs?
No, we don't have any more, I'm sorry
Are you out of pigs now?
Motherfucking stupid waterhead fucking guy
Every time he's going
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I can't do this, I need more bass
I can't do this, here we go
A little bit at least, I don't want to sound all tinny, Jesus Christ
I need some nut
Yeah, I need some nut
How do you know what it sounds like now?
What i sum
Ya, ya ya you're saying how do you know that you need more bass oh just it sounded really tending my ear it plays back
To me like a, place bank to you yeah i can, hear the quality
This is a big production here you know
Yeah, you've got a little fucking studio over there all it's not little i got a
security guard job and guam
You got a security guard job in guam imagine that yeah let me try it you got it buddy the copy-paste you the link kishin
Holy shit, Lonesome Loser's checking in. What's up, buddy?
The number you have dialed does not answer.
I like how specific that was.
The number you've dialed does not answer.
It does not answer.
It's wrong, but it does not answer.
It's very British, though.
It happens a lot in Britain.
You call, like, the number you have dialed is not available.
No, they would usually say the person you've called can't pick up.
But this is like, the number you have dialed does not answer.
The numbers you've pushed on your phone.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm very serious on toilet.
Our toilet must be glowing in the dark.
In Japan.
It's like an iPad built to do all the technology and shit.
Yeah, you can track your feces and all that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It puts a nice little warm water in your little butthole.
Yeah.
All right, this is a job for a maintenance laborer in Guam.
A maintenance laborer.
That's like a handyman, isn't it?
Either that or like a janitor.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
This is Monica. I'm sorry. I need your call. Please leave your name.
Sounds like my mom. I'll call back again. I'll try another go.
Please leave your name.
Please open your mouth. Say the numbers and name.
Ain't looking good.
We got a dry cleaner.
Hi, this is Monica.
Quiet. Dry cleaner maintenance help.
Hey, Carl, I'm going to let you go so someone else can call in.
All right, buddy. Thanks for joining.
Awesome.
All right, man.
See you, buddy.
Stay tuned to PrankScaping, motherfucker.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
My love for you.
Oh, yeah.
Slow dance to you with this.
Be outside barging in Corona beers.
Hello, sir.
Speaking to Drag Cleaners.
I can help you.
Hello.
Hello.
I love you.
Yeah, hi.
How are you?
This is Mr. Stewart.
I'm good.
How are you?
I'm excellent.
I'm very excellent.
Look, I need a position.
I need a job.
What things do you have there?
Well, for now, we just have, like, a maintenance position open.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Oh shit, it was a voicemail box.
Right?
Here's a caller.
Here's someone to make you cry.
Caller, thanks for calling in.
This is Madhouse Radio.
What can I do you for?
Hey, Carlito Machines.
It's Major Tinnitus.
How you doing?
Major Tinnitus, how you doing?
God bless you.
Thanks for calling in.
Hey, I just wanted to check in, man.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and Mr. Jim Stewart.
Aw, thanks, man.
You're all right, you know?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Gunplay
Gunplay, wow.
There's also knife play.
Matt Hillock is a big fan of knife play
with women. He cuts the girl.
But I mean, I'm like, you're just a vampire, dude.
You know?
You might be. We don't know that for sure.
This is Adam Gunsmith.
We're up and running and in business in Mount...
Yeehaw!
Wow. Oh my god, he's brilliant, though.
It's like you called him and he said,
I'm just in the middle of a puzzle right here.
So that guy, the Super Foam Brothers, Dom, The Bomb, and Strange Life, they do a show, a weekly show.
They pranked that guy. They talked to him for a good 30 minutes. He was just going off on him.
Yeah, and they're going to be doing a show, too, Pranksgiving.
They're going to be doing the late night shift. Thank God. Thank God. I'm calling this guy back.
This is Adam Jepsen.
Oh, he's giving me the F-U button.
I sell gunsmiths and gunsmith accessories.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm just imagining you bend over a girl, you're fucking her doggy, right?
And you got the gun in your hand and you put it up to your head while you're fucking her dog
and you're playing Russian Roulette with yourself, you know?
Come on, here it comes, here it comes.
And also you're wearing those turkey legs on your head at the same time.
Hell yeah, dude, you need those.
I love how they flop back and forth.
Yeah.
It's fantastic.
Yeah.
I'm watching this.
It's great.
Thanks.
Hey, I got a quick question for you, Carlito.
Okay.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
I wonder if we took a more serious approach to the job
whether we could actually turn it into something
let me just try something
just be me
you need to do pranks
you have reached 6, 7, 1, 4
quiet Joel
I have a second number for that
don't panic
same thing, different number
same thing, different number
not looking good
the ITN number you have dialed
Adolf Nippler
Walter Heimlich Maneuver
We Need Cross Helicoptering Into An Elevator Shaft
Then Into A Bathroom In An Epic Adventure Of A Lifetime
Please Fulfill My Dreams You Sexy You
Big Chicken Slap
Prankers and Listeners
Happy Pranksgiving Machine
Big John
Tombstone
Tombstone here I always love you
You are a pioneer
In the prank call scheme
This Thanksgiving I am thankful for all the laughs
And giggles you give me and others
Around the world don't stop
Never stop spreading laugh
H.S. H.S. and joy
Alright thank you I was just asking Brad
Where's Tombstone been
Good to hear from you weirdo
Call In
Jack TV Happy Pranksgiving
Big Fat Jin
Big Fat Jin
What's up to you two
Carlito Laugh Track
I could have to be pretty expensive what if we like what if we said that we
are that we wanted to get a midget involved in a threesome there you go do
we have no I can be the midget you yeah okay all right here we go let's see she
answers this one I guess midgets have high-pitched voices that I can't oh she's
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Not Jenga?
No, no, that's white people again.
That's white people, Domino's.
You know, Domino's.
Hello?
Hello?
Hi.
Who's this?
Hi.
That's Mr. Ford.
Hi, how are you?
I'm okay, how are you?
I'm okay, I'm okay.
So, I just got a few questions, and I would really appreciate your candor.
Oh, she doesn't.
What did she say?
That was either a recording machine, or she's like, oh, I got a duck out here.
Hang on.
Ew.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
1-12
Just one moment
Thank you
Jen you take it you've been waiting to do it
The person at extension
I'm going to try a different one
Sometimes these are the ones where you can just dial the room number
Get right through
I thought Red Roof was one of those
To reach a guest press 1
Sometimes they turn that feature off
Like we'd be doing pranks and they're like
Turn it off
It'll always go right to the front desk
If anyone out there knows
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Join us
Yeah, yeah, yeah
We're just across the way there
Just across the hallway there
Alright, I guess
Well, if you come over now
You know, we're getting
We're getting a couple of guys together
And we got some drinks
And we got some pop tarts
And, you know, we're gonna
We're gonna have an orgy, basically
Huh, what?
Yeah, you coming over?
Yeah, I guess
Yeah, come on over and just come naked, okay?
Okay, just get yourself ready and get your wiener out and just get over here.
Okay, man.
Come on.
Get yourself over here, man.
All right.
Otherwise, I'm coming to you.
Okay.
Okay, buddy.
All right.
Okay, honey.
Honey, buddy.
I forgot I had the sound effect for that.
Whoops.
Glad I remembered.
Gay sex.
That's what it's called.
Gay sex.
Well he was in
Oh yeah and that's cool
Good for that guy
And maybe something will happen
A sexual thing
I always wonder when I do that
Whether somebody will actually go over
Just knock on the door casually
Excuse me did you just call me about
Well I didn't
But now that you're here
Yeah he was totally dead
I was like oh yeah alright
For real
Alright guys
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Closed Captions by The Closed Captions Project
Where I'm from? Where are you from?
Where are you from, sir?
I'm from Bangladesh.
Okay, I'm not from Bangladesh, sir.
Oh, where are you from?
How can I help you, sir? Why do you need to know that?
Don't be rude to me, okay? I was just trying to be polite and make a conversation.
Why are you being rude? You should answer my question if I ask you a question.
Why do I need to give you your answer, sir? Why?
Yeah, so why you didn't answer my question? Where are you from, you?
Why do you need to know, sir? I'm not from Bangladesh.
Listen to me, you little shit, you. I'm asking you a question, okay?
So you must be polite and give me the answer to the question. You understand?
Okay.
Yeah, so where are you from, you? You.
I'm from Pakistan.
Oh, you're a Paki.
Yeah, I'm Paki. You Bangi?
Yeah, I'm Bangi. Bangi and Paki. You want to bang me?
Yeah, I'm going to bang you and pack you.
You're going to bang me and pack me and then?
And send you to the Bangladesh.
And then?
Then you're going to stay there.
Okay, and then?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Caller has disconnected?
Caller has disconnected?
That's a shame.
He was on the precipice there.
But definitely be...
I had no idea where he was.
Definitely some Pakistani, Bengali...
I'm gonna attack you and bang you.
That was pretty good.
Send you back to Bangladesh, he said.
Bangladesh!
Kabrung.
Calling him back, bro.
Are you calling him?
He's not in New York, right?
No, no, he's a lie.
Echo, stop!
Hello?
Hello, yeah, it's Mr. Stewart again.
Who is this?
Speaking?
Mr. Stewart, Mr. Jim Stewart, who is speaking?
Yeah, go ahead, Mr. Stewart.
No, no, Mr. Stewart.
Stewart.
Can you say it?
Stewart?
Mr. Stewart, I want...
Say it properly, please, because I don't want you to...
Madhouse Live
We're about a few minutes away from taking the first break of the night.
Jim Stewart, I have to take a break soon.
Durhala.
So is that Bangladeshi then?
Or Bengali?
Yeah, yeah, Bangladeshi.
Durhala is not.
Well, you have to repeat it.
You have to say Durhala.
And then that's like a brother-in-law.
Right.
Oh, really?
To make a new reservation.
Please hold.
Are we talking to the reception?
Let me talk to the reception to see if we can get them involved in something sexual.
Yeah, let's see, let's see. Yeah, it's not letting me do it.
Red Roof Inn, Stephen speaking. How may I help you?
Yeah, yeah. What's your name, sorry? What's your name is?
My name is Stephen.
Stephen. My name is Jin.
I want to come in there and I want to bring some friends.
And we want to do some kind of event. Do you do events?
No, we do not. We don't have a banquet center or a conference.
But I just want to use the front desk area. Can I not do that?
Ft. Lefty Lefty
Uh, we don't have a very large front desk area.
But I can pay, I've got money.
Ok, what, what kind of event are you?
So, uh, it's probably going to be sexually oriented.
Um, we're probably going to, we're going to be, you know, touching
each other, probably.
And I wanted to be, hello.
There you go, Ft. Lefty Lefty.
I'll try again.
I'll try it again.
It's a damn shame that, uh, I'll, I'm sure I'll find, someone will send, uh, one of
those motels that you can dial worms direct, cause I love fucking worms.
Thanks man!
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm not I mean I'm using the clinical term for it suck your dicks is the clinical term for it
let me talk to him again I will just take it in turn I've got your number hey let me change the
number so you give me a second un momento por favor cc Garcia Dragonmare reporting that best
westerns best westerns are direct dial thank you very much for that information thank you for being
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The All Star Motel
On the poota, yeah
Room number, you press the zero
Let's try 112
It's my favorite room number, Jen
Yeah, why?
Okay, let me
Thank you for calling The All Star Motel
Cool
If you know your party's room number, you may dial it now
114
Do you just like systematically go through each of the fucking rooms?
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm
Yeah, how long is this room?
Yeah, hi, hi, hi, wait, wait, wait, wait
Me and my brother, we were in that room yesterday
Or was it yesterday, the day before, something like that
We were in there recently
I think you got the wrong room there, buddy
No, no, no, no, no
I need you to check something for me.
You ain't. You got the wrong room.
Listen, you motherfucker. You don't shout at me again.
You dialed the wrong room, you stupid son of a bitch.
You cunt. Why would you swear at me?
Why are you swearing at me? You called the wrong room.
Because you're shouting like...
Moron, you called the wrong room.
You cunt. I didn't call the wrong room, did I?
Obviously, you called the wrong room.
I fucking didn't.
If I come out of this room, you're going to understand you called the wrong room, fool.
I'm gonna listen you prick. I'm gonna come over to your room and kick your fucking face and you understand
I'll be out in a half a second. Yeah, come on
Fucker all right, let me call the room next door and see if I can get my dear. Thank you for calling the
Trying to call the redneck
How do you think it was a redneck? I thought he was black you know
It could go either way I may have fat fingers hello. Yes. I this is the front desk. This is 114
Yeah, what seems to be the problem?
Well, we have a complaint about your room.
Well, loud television use, someone jumping up and down on the bed, flushing the toilet.
Why are you flushing the toilet so much?
When's the last time you flushed the toilet?
You see?
Yeah, that came up here on the computer, sir, that you flushed the toilet again.
No, the computer shows that it alarms us when you're flushing the toilet too much.
That's too much water.
Oh, I'm not flushing the toilet.
Well, you just did five, ten minutes ago.
I have here on the computer, it came up, there's an alert.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Okay, hurry up and come up here and straighten this out. It's gonna be trouble for you. Okay, I'm printing I'm printing an invoice right now
Like a hotel printer, right? It sounds like a printer from the 80s. Yeah
It does sound like they would just burn some shitty motel us. I got one of them working dot matrix
Yeah, like infinitely long paper
The
One Feet
It's Got to Print Out All This Shit Like I Need You to Sign This
So that was Different I guess it wasn't 114 that I called originally that we got through the Angle
What was it 116 Might Have Been 116 Let's Try it I'll let you talk to him if you hit
Thank You for Calling
Yeah, it was 114 yeah and Let me get Dwight Dwight's Call
Matt Ross Call Live
161 to answer a little over the second
I'm gonna go to the 120s he's probably out there right now finding the guy from
1.4
what the hell can you just imagine that
leads to a fight like the first random person will give you every mother fucker
you on the phone
for no reason let's total right now that they hey Dwight mclean hands you make
it a redneck
Hey, hey, hey, yeah, he needs to leave that turlet alone.
Yeah.
Dwight.
Hey, Mr. Jim Stewart, how are you?
Dwight of the light, how are you in the night?
I'm full of turkey, I have the beef sweats.
Nice, nice.
Sorry about that.
I made my stuffing, I put ground beef in my stuffing.
Thank you for calling the hospital.
You didn't make that, remember last year me and you both made that, was it a chili we made or something last year?
What the hell was that thing with maple syrup?
I think it was a smoky bacon chili.
Yeah, you know, it wasn't that good.
I made it for Super Bowl I think it was one of the first times I did it yeah yeah it was good
except for like they want you to use pure maple syrup and the bottles of that are like eight or
nine dollars I'm like I'm gonna buy this like dollar fifty bottle of like bullshit stuff from
Walmart and I'm just gonna dump the whole thing in yes sir but here's what I found out I brought
that up on our forums that were had the same recipe and they said the problem with doing that
Madhouse Live
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Prank War
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Just tell them that you couldn't find what you wanted on the shelf
and now you're in back and you need to know where it might be located.
If you know your party's room, dial it.
Why didn't I dial this?
I dialed 116 again.
I don't think I was supposed to do that shit.
That was him, was it?
16116.
Yeah.
And I went to the office for more film.
If you know your party's room, dial it.
Oh, it said fuck you.
Let's try 115.
I think they got the compliance at the front desk already.
Doesn't look like it.
I'm going to take that break.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I'm calling because your only place is open and it's a godforsaken town.
And my wife messed up the turkey and I kicked her out of the house.
Well, good. I'm glad you put her in her place.
You know what? Maybe I'm a little upset, but all you women deserve to be working in the kitchen on Thanksgiving.
She's so lazy.
That's quite a statement, really. What can I get for you?
Have you been cleaning good the place today?
Oh, scrubbing diligently.
Good. Good. And do you take care of your man also on lunch break?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
No, I said a man. I don't speak to women on the phone.
Well, I'm sorry. There are no men here.
Well, I think that's your problem. I think you're always supposed to have a man on staff.
Who makes the decisions there at this time?
Actually, we have men on our staff, but the man that I have on staff right now wouldn't understand you.
Why? Why is that? Because he's Hispanic?
No, because he doesn't hear very well.
Well, I can talk to him. I'd rather talk to a man because, I mean, you can't make decisions.
You know, you don't have a lot of power and stuff.
I'm a manager.
But there's no woman and manager.
It's like a man-ager.
It's like a paper title you have, basically.
I mean, they gave you the title.
If you're going to discriminate against women,
then we can't help you anyways
because Denise does not discriminate
and we don't encourage it in other people.
So you might want to try some other place...
Bullcrap!
In 1995, you people discriminated
against two Secret Service agents
who were African-American.
Fucking bastards.
I know they did.
Remember that?
Madhouse Live
You guys want a salvage yard?
Pardon?
Hello, you guys want a salvage yard out there with cars?
Yeah.
Okay, well, listen.
My girlfriend, Jean, took my car out there.
I just got a divorce from my ex, and I think my car is out there.
I think she was going to put it through the crosser she was talking about.
What's going on?
Pardon?
She was going to put it through the crosser out there.
Okay.
So I just want to make sure it's not there, you know what I mean?
Because she said she was going out to Sag Nasty's and going to put it in the crosser.
You guys got like a magnet and a big crusher out there or something?
Maybe he's lying, but I just want to make sure.
No, I have a crusher come in.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
When did it come in last?
Oh, it's been a while.
Look at it, Carl.
What is it?
Oh, it's a Buick.
This guy off my mom.
She put that goddamn thing down there.
I'll tell you what.
I just want to come down there and make sure it's not there.
You know, I mean, when's the last time the crusher was here?
Maybe you got it in there in your lodge.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm not opening it tonight.
You got it off of Highway 5, or where you guys at?
We're off of Highway 2, but I'm not opening it tonight.
Highway 2, okay, that's close enough.
Well, listen, I'll just stop by, because I really need that car.
I mean, she's, you know, I know my wife's got it down there.
Well, she'll be wasting your time, because I won't let you back there tonight.
What's that?
You come around tomorrow in the daylight hours after 10, and I'll let you back there.
I can't wait, John.
I got to go to my parents, because I'm late for Thanksgiving.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Do you have a junkyard dog in there?
What was your name again?
What was your name?
God damn it.
And I'll be right down here and we're going to get my Buick and I'll pay you $100 and that's final.
There's nothing going to happen.
Well, whatever, then we'll have a problem.
Well, that's fine. We'll have a problem.
I'm going to jump the gate or something.
I mean, I got to...
You better not have no junkyard dog or I'll sue you.
My daddy's a lawyer.
Well, you better be worried about me.
Well, I tell you what, I ain't worried about nothing, because I got a can of mace, and if you come after me, I'll mace you, and I'm going to run in your gate, I'm going to get my car, and I'm going to bust you in the gate, because nobody's stopping me. I'm going home. I'm going home.
He's like, don't get what he's saying, don't get rude to me.
He's like, you heard him, I must be, Richie must be famous.
Yeah, he knows me too. He's like, yeah, I know him, I know him.
Madhouse Live
Let a woman will ever ever make you who you are
Niggah you! Brooklyn style baby!
Happy Thanksgiving Happy Pranksgiving
However you say it in the country you're from
Cranky Pants
Thank you for calling Zion's Motel.
Boop!
One plus the room number.
One plus the room number?
Zero. Thank you.
You are being transferred to...
Hey, homie.
You are being transferred to...
Hey, dude.
Aww.
Enter another extension now.
Alright, let's listen again to what it is.
Without the music playing, let's get the instructions right here.
Come on.
We can do this.
...again at another time.
You are being transferred to a guest.
Aha!
you are being transferred to the operator oh no not the operator oh she's a bitch you ever dial
this one i think yeah i think i've heard you do this oh zion yeah usually after a while they shut
the uh the dialing system yeah well you get through to people there right thank you you are
being transferred to a guest a guest uh dragon mer did send me something with numbers hello
Hello, room 116? Hi, room 116, this is Cross. I'm at the front desk.
Okay, did you, is there some kind of problem over here?
Did we have a lot of noise complaints coming from you?
No, I haven't, there's nobody in here but me. How did you have noise complaints?
Uh, when was the last time you flushed the toilet?
Uh, I flushed the toilet like over an hour ago.
Okay, is there a reason why you had to flush it again like that?
Because it came up here on the computer. It's reporting you for excessive use of the toilet.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
No, it was just, it keeps making that noise, you know, that sound?
Yeah.
That's all it keeps doing.
Okay.
I didn't, like, it was like that since I came in here.
All right, well, I'm watching on the computer now.
Can you flush it?
Let's see if we can fix this.
Can you give it a good flush while I'm holding?
Okay, I'm going to put the phone down just for a second and go flush, okay?
Okay, thank you.
Okay, I flushed it.
Okay, all right.
Is the water warm or cold that's going through it?
Cold.
Are you sure?
Can you check it, please?
Cold, yeah, I will.
No, I need you to...
In the back or...
Listen, all right, all right.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The person next door to me continues to flush their toilet like every two to three seconds
and they're making more long and loud defecating sounds.
Sir, I'm on the line with her now.
It's doing it by itself.
She says, sir, is your toilet flushing by itself?
No, because I'm using it properly.
Do you hear it?
I'm sorry?
Do you hear it?
Did you hear it?
It's doing it by itself.
Oh, goodness.
All right.
It was like that.
I was gonna chime in and say that I saw her
she asked me to help her carry a 25 pound bag of cement in there yesterday
and she dumped it in
Josh
Be sure that he's high
He's high she's high she's high and actually what I'm gonna drop a nashpin here. Simply wants to join
I don't know if he can or not. He might be with his wife porking her in it's good to see Lonesome Loser Man
Lonesome in the house been a long time. Oh
7th month
She's not pretty
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
Chicken Loose
Dude I'm still in trouble for that
Sorry dude
My bad
It was funny
I recommended a place for him to stay
Dude I've got his name somewhere
Hang on
Let's call him
Yeah
Sure as shit as they showed up with a duck
And a broom at 3 in the morning
You're from a violent animal
Madhouse Live
Well, it's just, what are the odds housekeeping is show up by to pick up an animal at 3 o'clock
in the morning?
Hey, man.
I knew I was going to be there.
It's Puerto Rico.
This shit happens, basically.
That's why.
Yeah, it's fucking, that's the way Puerto Rico is.
Hey, we got numbers here that are supposed to be dialed right through to the room, you
know?
Or how about before we do that, this came from Dragon Mirror.
I'm going to put those on hold.
Lonesome Losers getting some UK numbers.
Good.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
We're about to close on the East Coast, so maybe it's not as hectic.
Let me get one real quick.
Okay.
If I could learn how to use computers.
One moment, please.
Oh, I got an exciting bit of music here.
It's like this band that covers of MF Doombeats.
It's like a live jazz band that does it.
I'm about to play that here in a second as soon as I get this triangulated target.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Welcome to Kohl's. We are now open. And for your convenience, we are open all night tonight.
To speak with the Department of Postage, Jewelry and Beauty, press 7.
To replay this, please hold for Jewelry and Beauty.
Jewelry's been the best bet tonight to get through to, so here we are.
We're almost three hours in to Prank Skip. 21 hours left of live shows.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Bracelet
Is it the one in the paper?
Yeah, it's
$69.99
It's a carat
Yeah, hold on one second
Sir? Yes
So we have the ones for $69.99
They're a fourth carat
Yeah, the carat
See, I have a problem
I came by the jewelry case once
on my way through because I had to go to bedding
and I couldn't seem to
see it in the case
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I just had a box fall on me.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
She's gone.
I can hear her in the background.
Damn it.
Ooh, a UK number.
All right, Lonesome Loser.
Thank God he's back.
Lonesome, come on.
Come back.
I'm back every Thursday, man.
And I don't know how to get a hold of you.
Come back, man.
Just don't help me out every one you can.
Don't be a once-a-year-a-guy
Sir
Forget how to
See how I format these
Oh, that's right
I got a website that auto-formats them
Hang on
Just a moment, folks
Sorry, I know I'm mumbling
Give me a second
National Dialing Area Code Rule
Machines
Okay
That don't work either
Come on
It's recently
Forget the dialing rules
I know I can make this work
I swear
Thanks, everyone, for patience
I'll figure it out
I swear to God
I got it like on the third try last time
It's a combination of 0-1-1 and 4-4 and stuff like that.
I'm no good at this.
Maybe with a plus.
I can't figure it out, Lonesome Loser.
I'm sorry, man.
Let me see how Nunu sends them.
Let me look at Nunu's format because those seem to work for me.
See, okay, that was one that Nunu sent me last week.
I'm going to send the example to Lonesome.
I got to figure it out.
All right, Lonesome.
So this one from Nunu works.
Okay.
Then we look at it and analyze it.
Aha, okay.
Okay.
See, but when I try yours, Lonesome, they come up as forbidden.
Not sure why.
Huh.
Don't seem to be submitting for one.
That is still forbidden.
Don't understand.
Forbidden.
Confusing.
All right.
I'm going to let him analyze the data, and I'm going to have to move on.
These are the Sunrise Apartments in Guam.
Let's see if this is funny.
Dwight, are you still here?
Did I lose you guys on Skype?
Good.
Yeah, good, good, good.
Nashby's here, too.
They seem to be missing a digit, Nunu.
Ah, Lonesome.
There were a digit shorter than what Nudie says.
I think they're missing 121.
It's 122.
Hello?
No common investment.
Carlos speaking.
Is this Sunrise Apartments?
No common investment.
Okay.
Do you have apartments available?
How many bedrooms, sir?
Well, I'm looking for like one bed for two men.
Yeah, we have in Sunrise Apartments.
Okay.
And there's no problem if it's two men in one bed in one room?
Two bedrooms in one bed.
Okay.
All right.
But the man can share with the other man in one bed?
You're not going to get upset if I kiss the man and touch him and smell him?
Ay, kuya, when to pass the billet?
Pulta.
For the Sunrise Apartments, sir.
Uh-huh, okay.
Um, we have...
What's included?
Hello?
What's included?
Not included any of it.
Only the one bedroom included the power and water, but not the two bedrooms.
Okay, so but all the water in the one bedroom?
That's what I want.
So I get free water?
It comes included?
No, we don't have that what has power and water. You just kind of said something that has power and water. Please tell me one bedroom
Okay. Okay. So that's the one I want the one bedroom and it has water and power
Okay, I want the one
God damn it because I'm trying to explain it to you and you're stuck on two bedrooms
I'm telling you no, I want one bedroom. What happened?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
God bless you
I'm sorry, I love you
I'm gonna fuck you, bye, go
I'm perverted
I'm perverted
I do perverted things
I fart in my hand and I smell it
I like the smell of fart
Jesus
Okay, I'm gonna try
a Lonesome Loser number again
Let's see if this one works
Still forbidden
Still says forbidden
I'm counting digits
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 2, 10
Yeah, I...
Lonesome Loser, try to find ones that start with 1, 2, 1
4, 4, 1, 2, 1 instead of 1, 2, 2
because the 1, 2, 2s don't seem to want to go.
See, watch, I'll try this.
I'm going to try this 1, 2, 1 now.
I don't know what the difference is.
Maybe because they're cell phones?
See, because this one works.
Starts with 1, 2, 1.
Hello?
Oh, is that Terrence?
Hello, yeah.
Terrence Mogg?
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, we need you to check your, uh, your bathroom.
I'm calling from the United Water Administration.
I don't believe you.
Goodbye.
Sir, your toilet could be in trouble.
Good.
All right.
So that worked, though.
Good.
Look at that.
That's the guy who didn't even answer last time.
Last week.
And there he is answering like a fool.
I'm going to change one of lonesomes to 121.
I'm going to test this theory.
It's connecting.
It's connecting.
If it starts with 121, it works.
If it starts with 122, it not works.
Yeah.
The international call cannot be completed as dialed.
No fucking way.
I think it's just a bad number.
But yeah, it actually let me dial it out there.
Great.
Okay, and that one didn't work.
It's a forbidden.
Beautiful.
National call cannot be completed as dialed.
Oh, no.
So we did the apartments.
Here's Rudy's windshield.
The windshield guy.
I think it's a string.
He does windshields.
Yep.
And his name is Rudy.
Fucking movie, right?
Doesn't look like we're going to get Rudy at that number.
However, I have a second one.
Here it is.
This is the second number.
Is that Rudy?
Yes.
Hey, Rudy, you do windshields?
Yes, sir.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Uh, it's uh, 88 Escort. 88 Ford Escort.
88 Ford Escort?
88 Ford Escort.
I punched a, I, uh, I punched a, I punched a woman.
Okay.
And she went flying, and she went through the car windshield.
Okay, I don't have that model in stock at the moment.
What do you have? Maybe we can make, maybe we can resize it or something.
Do you have, the cat can use a hair dryer, right? And make it smaller?
I'm sorry, make what smaller?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
I don't know.
Hello?
Oh, God damn it.
The Bears went for two like at a more retarded moment.
Yeah, fucking Bears.
Oh, let's go to touchdown.
Let's go for two.
Well, they did it first.
I think the Bears did it first, right?
The Bears did it first.
Yeah.
The Lions at least waited until the second half to do it.
I don't know.
They were just trying to one-up each other.
Weird.
Copy Express.
It's where they copy stuff.
Here we go.
I'm really sorry, Lonesome, that that number was...
The computer is walking up.
Thank you for calling Coffee Express.
If you know your party's extension, please dial it now.
For large format, press 3.
For stamps and seals, press 5.
For coffee, copy and paste.
Yeah, do you guys do large format?
Yes, sir, we do.
Okay, how large?
Because I need to make a sign to shame my wife that I caught cheating on me.
I see.
We do have a poster machine, or are you looking for a better?
Well, I'm looking for something that's going to be weatherproof.
It's going to go outside of her business.
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
3x5
3x5, 5x3, whatever
Okay, and then I have
She had
Like a surgery a couple years ago
And they took x-rays of her pelvis
They took an MRI of her pelvis
And her private parts
I'd like to put that up there
It's not nudity
But it's an actual
Scan of her cervix and her vagina
Area
I see, sir
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah, well, fucking shit to you, okay?
I'm sorry about that, sir.
You know what I mean by the fucking shit, though, right?
I'm just so fucking shit angry right now.
Yeah.
You're a nice guy, though.
I like that.
You're willing to help me and talk.
Hello?
Yeah, hi, Miss Windsor.
Oh, who's that?
Mr. Windsor.
Who's that?
Hi.
Who's that?
This is Valente.
Who's that?
Me, Valente.
Who's that?
Val-
Who are you talking about?
Who are you talking about?
You?
Who are you talking about?
I'll join you with this number again, eh?
Are you a monkey or something?
Jesus Christ.
Right.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Well, I'm gonna have to ask you to not bring that up into the stashment.
But, well, me and you talking in private.
Well, we're talking private separately, you know?
Like, I'll give you a good sex story and then you give me a good sex story, okay?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, do what now?
You said you had, I mean, you're busy?
I forgot that.
You gotta go?
You can go if you wanna go, honey.
Alright, bye.
Alright, bye, motherfucker.
Who's that?
Who's that?
Lonesome, your number worked.
It worked with 127.
So, for some reason, 122 no working.
We have learned a valuable lesson.
They're not answering again.
God damn it.
Phone copy express.
What do you think?
Yeah.
Let's check out of Kohl's.
Let's get silly, goofy, happy.
Man, I hope I'm not getting sick.
I feel a bit of a sick.
By the way, the mouth line is open.
405-396-6884.
405-396-6884.
Welcome to Kohl's.
Stay from midnight until midnight.
Press 7.
I wasn't paying attention.
Transferring.
Please hold.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
No, it's got to be something that we're not they specifically said no gift cards for this
Well, if she's a bigger size woman Lane Bryant, which is a store
Someone's around here. Yeah caters to women. Maybe something like us. Maybe something like a scarf, you know
But I was if she might I was thinking though she might eat it because it's gonna be so close to her
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Plus Size Fat Girl Clothes
I can't with you tonight. I hope you have a wonderful night.
Alright, honey. I think there's this attraction between me and you, the way you talk, you know?
Oh my god, I gotta go.
There is. Come on. I'm gonna come by, alright?
No, I'm married. Bye. I'm hanging out.
So, that's cool. That's cool.
She was so embarrassed for that fat bitch at the office.
Oh my god, she's having a good time. Good for her.
Don't forget, it's Thanksgiving.
Overeaters runs marathons today.
Oh, thank you.
I brought that up Thursday.
Good last week Thursday.
Yeah.
Can you search for that?
Right.
Can you get me a seat?
Yeah.
Did they have one that goes around the whole time?
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Lonesome is still known.
No, you know, it's calling you.
I can't talk.
So many numbers from Lonesome.
Let me look up Nunu's numbers from last week because one of them answered earlier.
M.O.G.G.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Provided by FreeConferenceCall.com
Please enter your access code followed by the pound or hash sign.
Alright, here goes Norton.
Where's the code here?
If you are the moderator, please press 1.
Otherwise, please hold and be placed into the conference.
There are currently 46 other participants in the conference.
I don't know very well.
I'll have to get used to walking in the apartment building.
It's a very long hallway in the extreme.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
What makes this trending is when a person
Please press 1 to mute. You are now unmuted.
When the group calls drop.
You have been kicked from this conference.
Went out that time.
Oh, man. They knew pretty quick.
They're on it now, man.
Yeah, look at that. You got a text with your name and stuff.
Yeah, they ain't playing anymore.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
There's a different one on here, but it's an international number.
I can try to dial it.
Let's see how expensive it is.
Dude, I got YouTube money now.
Stand by, everyone.
Let's see if we can get this international band.
Music, please.
Milkman.
Thank you.
Hey, I tried to get Milkman on the show tonight, and he won't respond to my text or my phone calls.
I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah, that's what I was going to ask, Carlito.
He won't talk to me.
He won't talk to me.
He ain't playing games.
I'm trying.
If anyone knows how to get a hold of him, please tell him it's urgent.
Tell him I'm dying.
We'll see if he's out of face.
Maybe we should just call his cell phone tonight.
You motherfucker, you.
You're never gonna...
No, Max.
You'll never be on a show again, motherfucker.
No, no.
Diabetes, motherfucker.
Alright, this number's not even picking up.
I don't even know who I'm calling.
Probably, like, Antarctica and shit.
Stop it.
Uh, let's try this different line here.
Here's a different one.
If you are the moderator, please press 1.
Otherwise, please hold to be placed into the conference.
Empty.
No one there.
There's two of them there.
All right, I will grab these from you in just a moment.
Welcome to free conference.
Please enter your access code.
All right, I'm going to change the caller ID and we'll call the first one again.
Hey, Mr. Cross, you know what's a stupid game?
Red Dead Redemption.
No, this new Pokemon thing that's out.
Fuck a Pokemon.
Oh, fuck anything on the Switch, man.
Yeah, it goes for you, Catastrophe and Mad Hatter.
Fuck the Switch.
Yeah, fuck that Switch machine, man.
Fuck those games.
Fuck the stupid.
When you play the switch, that means you switch genders.
So now Catastrophe is a man and Mad Hatter is a woman.
Yeah.
There's a National Substance Abuse hotline right there.
You can call with some of the substances you're on.
You may enter the conference number.
I'll sniff Andrano.
I want turkey.
I'll baste my turkey Andrano.
You are the moderator.
There are currently 42 other participants in the conference.
Oh, 42, but let's get the sound.
Oh, they locked it down, too.
They locked the other one down now.
Did you change caller IDs?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I saw twitch footage of that game and I was like it's pretty I don't know man
I like it but it's the same thing this is the freaking same thing but they have a controller
now that the pokeball that actually connects with the fucking pokemon go game she got she got
double sold she got sold on the pokemon go yeah so you paid the extra for they get the pokeball
thing and all that I didn't mad did it was a birthday gift it's another rob the robot another
Rob the Robot
Just another piece of crap.
Yeah, didn't they have one?
Isn't there a Star Fox game that came out that has like a stupid X, a stupid R-Wing that flies around and shit?
I don't know. I've never been a fan of Star Fox, to be honest.
It's not...
Jesus Christ, I don't know what Nintendo's doing.
I don't understand.
I don't understand what they're trying to do, where they're headed.
Like, they've got this portable system that's not portable, which is cool, okay, I get it,
but then they're still running a version of the DS.
Aren't they still running with it at the same time?
Yeah, it's fucking portable, but it's not portable.
Yeah, it's...
I'll put you on speaker so Matt can hear you.
Hey, big man.
Oh, hang on. He's going to start yelling about Rocket League in two seconds.
I'm calling our Kohl's. Kohl's, I said.
Greenby has confirmed his presence.
Yeah, Greenby.
Thank God.
We are open today from midnight until midnight.
To speak with the department of social...
Midnight till midnight.
For directions to the store, press 4.
Come on, Mouse. Stop it, Mouse.
Press 5
For all other questions, press 6
To replay this message, press 7
For shoes, press 3
Housewares, press 4
Bedding and baths, press 5
Clothing, press 6
Jewelry and beauty, press 7
To replay this message, press 6
I heard the butthole bandits shit some of them shoes at Kohl's
The easiest one to get through to tonight.
I've got voicemails out of the zoo.
A lot of people have been trying to...
Well, I'm going to let you go.
Okay.
But, uh, Pokemon is awesome, and fuck yourself, Dwight.
Yeah, fuck yourself, Dwight.
We love you.
See you later.
Bye.
Bye, motherfuckers.
I'm going to fuck my...
Yeah, right.
Yeah, what are you into?
Like, uh, the movie Gladiator?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I was looking for like a seasoning to put on top of the turkey oh yeah no no I didn't know
you can't go I mean turkey's good and it's on its own anyway it's it's not very fattening
and that which was surprising because I had to cook it like an extra half an hour
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The
Family came over. Thank God. We didn't want them to it was just us and it was great
It's the best thing to do fuck off. Fuck. I'm sorry coming over the problems and the Republican talking shit
Yeah, they never bring anything. They just want to get off your feet. Oh, yeah
Like those pretty like their kids like the same age as you so you're like in the other room
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hey, I see Mr. Biggs is saying he's been trying to call in.
I'm sorry, buddy.
I would love for you to be on.
If you give me a phone number, if you send me a message on Facebook or something with a phone number to reach at, I will direct dial you.
It's hard to get through on this show because a lot of calls coming in and out, people calling.
Put the line, man.
I'll take these.
All right, brother.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Thanks.
Mr. Biggs, now's your chance.
Get ready, Mr. Biggs.
Dial right now.
Now, now, now, now, now.
Shoot a dial.
The fun never ends and the fun is never ending.
Yeah, Mr. Big's asshole.
Hello, thank you for calling. Is this Mr. Big's?
And for your convenience, we are open all night tonight.
How's your glue going?
That's not Mr. Big's. This is fake Mr. Big's.
Depressed for.
Well, I'm not Mr. Big's.
What?
I've been sitting here forever.
Who? Who's this? Hello, Matt?
Hey.
Oh, hey, you're a guy in a can. Yeah, a guy in a can. What's up?
Transfer.
Please hold.
Honestly, your phone machine's messed up.
I don't know.
You sound really bad, sir or ma'am.
Phone call time.
Okay, wait.
Who's calling?
Who's calling?
Calls, calls.
Okay.
I don't hate...
I love Mr. Biggs.
I love your podcast.
I love all your podcasts.
I binge your podcasts in the hospital, man.
I did just...
I was just in the hospital two weeks ago,
and I listened to pretty much all your glue ones,
your adhesives.
And yesterday, I watched your live stream.
Transferring. Please hold.
Come on, Coles. You're really fucking me up, Coles, here, you know?
Can't get a fucking Coles to answer for the life of me.
Caller, you're here. How's your audio now? Let's check. Say something.
Hello.
Okay. All right. Who are you?
Ipoc Smart.
Oh, you're Ipoc Smart. Yeah, why did you disrespect Phil Henry, man? What was that about?
It was a whole thing. It was just fun.
But why? Why?
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Analyst Supply of Laughs
He's such a hypocrite though man, it's all shows of fucking whatever
Why you mess with Matt Hillock why why are you so bad at Matt Hillock he didn't ever do nothing you he's very sad and
Very sad that you were mean him and I'm not mad at Matt Hillock a year ago to this month
Matt's Awesome
Matt's Awesome
You're Awesome
Brad's Awesome
Zach's Awesome
I have no problems with anybody
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Oh shit, alright, well that's not your best
Okay, alright, well good
I'm presuming you came out of it okay
Good for you, yeah
Yeah, I'm still alive
Yeah, motherfucker
I'm still doing my show
You're still doing your show? Alright, yeah
I do my show occasionally
But, um, um
Gigawatt is busy because he works for the government
Yeah
Occasionally, I'll still do my show
But, um, we're both federal
But I won't talk about that
Don't Call Brett
Old Smad always wanted me to
Prank call that
One guy I forget he was always
In the hangouts and I'd talk shit to him
Yeah
Listen I got
Smad I mean it's nice to finally talk to you
I'm a little leery still
Because you've done you know
Some things but it's good to talk to you
I'm glad that you've come out and said
You know you're sorry to Matt
You're just misunderstanding
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I did hack Matt's voicemail one night that was after the whole falling out because he didn't set his default password and I'm like here oh wow here's a voicemail the note that he hasn't set up yet got him so I'll set him up I couldn't resist so it's not personal got him got him got him motherfucker yeah all right smart that's that's your time that's it I can't do any more people are
Call Nation Madhouse Live
What's on the feed?
Fucking right?
Talk about the tubes.
Welcome to Kohl's in Sherwood.
We are now open and for your convenience we are open all...
Come on Biggie.
Biggs.
Biggie Smalls, we're playing your music.
...outware, press 4.
Bedding and bath, press 5.
Thank you for calling.
Is this Mr. Biggs?
Yeah, this is Mr. Biggs.
How you doing?
Hey, you fat motherfucker.
What's up?
Hey, I'm sorry.
I'm kidding.
Yeah, pretty...
I'm kidding too.
I'm not Mr. Biggs.
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Big Mr. Biggs
Big Mr. Biggs
Big Biggs
So my nephew had a laugh today because there was a football player during the game named Butler
Welcome to Cole's in Sherwood
And I said Big Butler
And I didn't realize it until I said it
He started cracking up
Big Butler
Big Butt
Thank you for calling
This is the Big Butt line
Hello
Hello
Hi hey Mr. Biggs what's up
Yeah Mr. Biggs
Yeah Mr. Biggs
Hey how you doing
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Oh my god, look at that video that Jack Heliquin made of you.
Of me?
Yeah, look, it's in the chat. I dropped it. It's fucking crazy.
Hang on, let me see.
Oh my god.
Welcome to Kohl's in...
We are now open.
And for your convenience, we are open all night tonight.
To speak with the department associate, press 3.
For directions to the store, press 4.
What else has I got to pick up here? Come on, let's do this.
For shoes, press 3.
Please hold for bed and bath.
I'm it.
Hi, this is the Home Department.
How may I deliver greatness to you today?
Hey, greatness in the name of Allah.
How are you?
I'm good. How are you?
Good. I need to see if you have this item still, the labia.
Can you describe it for me?
It's bedding.
It's called labia, L-A-B-I-A.
And you needed the bed sheets?
Yeah. They're called labia, though.
There's a certain kind.
You have them for $29.95, it says.
um okay let me take a look around and see what i can yeah look see if you can find a labia around
there okay i think you might have one okay okay all right and if if you don't it can't do you know
what it is you know what i'm talking about or yes you know what the labia is okay good go hurry okay
i'll be here bye whatever i don't know what the fuck she's doing they're starting to piss me i
think they're starting to get batty i'm starting to get punchy that's the problem you've only got
one more hour might as well stick to it yeah because i was seriously thinking about giving a
Call Nation Madhouse Live
uh on my stream okay oh it's in the skype it's in skype chat i think i saw this on facebook
already the 3d carlito thing i am 3d carlito i am stronger and faster than the real carlito
i will kill carlito and take his show bow to carlito 3d i want to touch that labia
i am 3d carlito i am stronger and faster than the real carlito i will kill carlito
Call Nation Madhouse Live
for all other questions press for shoes press 3 housewares press 4 bedding and bath press 5
clothing press 6 hello yes yeah what's going on what's the status i cannot find anything like
that you don't have any labia there no you said you knew what it was and everything please hold
for jewelry and beauty okay all right well labia is the vaginal lips on the woman that was a little
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
Real Carlito Gives Out The Pranks Givin Hello Dammit Pranks Giving Starting Thursday The 22nd Through The 23rd Carlito Show Machine From 10pm To 3am Then The Green Bee From 3am Till 5am Then Phone Brothers And Lux At 5am Through 7am
Hello, Jewelry. Please answer.
Whatever.
So, let's go back to Lonesome Loser, see if any of his numbers will connect.
Just a moment.
Alright, here's one.
Hello? Jones? Hello, Jones?
Got the wrong one.
This is R Jones. This is...
How would they even know before we confirm?
Did it transfer of information?
Nash, are you still here?
Nash would be...
He's mid-stroke with his wife.
Yes, I'm here.
What's up, big punk?
What's up, super punk?
Hello?
Miss Jones, please.
You're on Turnabout Street.
Hello?
Pardon?
Is this R Jones at 5 Turnabout?
Yeah.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
If you're affected, ma'am, it's very dangerous that you do not shower or drink the water.
Hello?
Please.
Go drink the water, you bitch.
Trying to get them to touch the water.
I like it when I make them touch the water.
Hey, Carlito.
Oh, yeah, lonesome.
I mean, you're not lonesome.
You're an ashby.
Go ahead.
I'm going to drop off, man.
All right.
Drop off, buddy.
All right.
We'll see you later, man.
Thanks for sending in that shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thanks for having me on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This latest number from Lonesome doesn't connect. It seems to be hit or miss with the UK numbers. I apologize
They're not working that last one doesn't work and it's my fault. I'm sure I apologize. Thank you for trying to confirm it though
Very nice of you
Let me think here
Let's try to get through to some more hotels. Actually we can check back in with that one that
Nashville
Zion
Zion
405-396-6884 is the number.
If you want to call in, you got about 40 to 50 minutes before we wrap things up tonight
and move on to the Green Bee Show, which takes over afterwards.
And away we go.
I got techniques stripping out my butt cheeks
Sleep on my stomach so I don't fuck up my shit
I got voicemails to play
Then Big Brad RBCP from 7am till 10am
Thank you for calling Zion's Motel
If you're trying to reach a guest, please press 1
You are being transferred to a guest
Who you're trying to reach is unavailable at this time
Begin speaking after the tone
Then hang up when you are
I actually went to voicemail
I never heard that before
Call Nation Madhouse Live
It's the future. It's the future of money.
Should have sold that shit when it was at $16,000.
Oh, you're looking for blockchain technology Bitcoin consultants?
No, we're not. Sorry about that.
Why? Because the blockchain money went down, right? Is bad?
Hello? Hello, please. I need a job. Damn him.
Alright, a chocolate store here. A chocolate store.
Again, 405-396-684. Exclusively for Mr. Biggs.
If that is the real Mr. Biggs, he may call in.
Mr. Biggs Calls In All The Prank Shows Except For Carlito
I Love When You Use Hate Speech In Your Shows
I Don't Know Why He Hates Me So Much
I Gave Him Full Access To My Show
To All My People
Hello
Is That The Joneses
I'm Looking For John
John Jones
Southall Avenue
42 Southall Avenue
Yes
This Is It
Hello
Hello. Oh, wait a minute. I have the wrong number. You're a job. I'm sorry. Is this a chocolate store? Shit. Damn it. Chocolate. Chocolates. Please. Chocolates. Please. Shit. I messed up. I messed up. Try their other numbers. Shit. Chocolate. I heard her in the background over there, too. All right. Here comes another UK number. Here's a caller for us. Caller on the air. Thanks for calling.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The whole time? Good.
The whole time.
Nice.
I'm going to keep my head protected so I don't get any sexually transmitted diseases.
Yeah.
Yeah, people were saying you looked like you had a condom on your head.
Why'd you go?
Well, thanks, Lux.
That was Lux, everybody.
There he goes.
The condom head Lux, everyone.
He gets so much pussy, he wears a condom on his head.
He grows some hairs on his nuts and, look, he just thinks he can hang up on me and shit.
Hello?
Hello?
Help.
Help.
Jones.
Jones
Help
Hello
Hello
Please help me
I need assistance
Please don't breathe in the phone
Talk to me
Please
Help me
Talk me through
Please talk me through this
Are you touching it?
Are you touching it down there?
Right on
To do a fast pick up
We ask you to let us know that you're not a voicemail system
So you need to press 1 to take this call
Hello
Yeah
Hello
Hi
Hi
How are you?
Good how are you?
Are we going to make some calls?
Yeah
We're going to make some calls
Let's Make Some Calls
I don't know who did I woke up I blacked out man I got the hospital bills to prove it
he's a small guy he overpowered you he's gotten pretty big hello people hello Mr. Jones
hi this is cross I'm calling from the water administration royal water administration we
We have a water emergency on South Hall Avenue here in Brighton.
Yeah.
Okay, have you consumed any, have you drank any water or taken a shower in the last three hours?
No, no, I've just made tea, that's all.
Oh, don't use the tea. We need you to check the color of the water.
Oh.
There's effluent and sewage in some of the water. It's traveling.
Oh, blimey.
Yeah, can you...
We've drunk tea anyway.
Did you already drink it?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Ballet 3 Ballet 4 Ballet 3
Ballet 4 Ballet 5 Ballet 6 Ballet 7
of course the the instructor would like to see how he is with his technique and then
to go with what's up to move him down or to stay at a certain level.
Okay, all right.
Or the ballet.
But I'll be able to watch.
I'm trying to get to the part about me watching and you keep going a little further than that
and it's a little frustrating.
Yes, yes.
So is it a one-way mirror or can they see me while I'm watching?
They could also see you while you are watching sir.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't see a problem with that, but I will let the office manager know if that's okay with you, sir.
Okay.
Because she's currently out right now, and I'm just covering her spot at the moment.
Okay.
It sounds like you might be amenable to what I need to do.
It's actually, I want to really experience the dancing, you know.
Okay, okay.
And if you'd like, can we watch her dance, daddy?
Yeah, do you dance, ma'am?
Hello, sir.
Yeah, do you do dance?
Do I dance as well?
Yes, sir.
Okay, and do you wear tights and stuff?
I'm sorry?
Do you wear tights?
I am an instructor.
You know how you ever watch gymnastics on the Olympics and they always get wedgies and they always pick at the wedgies?
I like that.
I get your name and number and we will give you a call back.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
Can I get your name and number?
My name is Cross.
Last name is Pervert.
Okay.
Thank you, sir.
Okay.
Have a good day.
I'm Pervert Junior.
We're perverted.
We're perverted people.
We're very perverted.
I don't know why I sat over here and laughed so hard by you saying your last name is pervert.
I was just chuckling at you.
Cross pervert.
We're perverted.
Pervert Junior.
I should have said pervert.
Oh, shitballs.
All right there, caller.
Lux's friend in theory.
I don't know.
You got a lot to do with Lux.
It's Buster.
All right.
Have fun.
Okay.
Yeah, have fun.
You guys are awesome.
All right, little chicken.
Smell you later.
There goes Buster again.
Buster Hyman.
4-0-5-3-9-6-6-8-8-4
4-0-5-3-9-6-6-8-8-4
Less than 30 minutes left.
Leave voicemails if you can't get in, motherfuckers.
There are a lot of voicemails, and I really should be playing those so people can hear shit.
Let me try to play, at least play Obituary Man's had one here.
See if I can find it.
Oh shit, I think that Waffle House called back.
Yeah, that Waffle House called back trying to get all pissed off.
I'm burping and it tastes like whiskey, but I've had no whiskey, you know?
Yeah, motherfucker, this is Stephanie.
Hello, yes, this message is from Norad, and we've been tracking your dick all night, and we found that you are gay.
Oh, you're gay. Thank you. No. Bye. Really?
Shit.
What happened?
Splendid.
No wonder I don't have any kids.
I was waiting outside for your ass.
Like a fucking eye where I don't know what's going on.
Motherfucker's trying to roar.
Hey there, Captain. I'm just here taking a big shit.
Patrick Lamarck Hawkins, better known by his stage name Fat Pat, died February 3rd, 1998.
Pat Pat was an American rapper from Houston, Texas, who was a member of DEA, Dead End Alliance, with his brother John Big Hawk Hawkins and DJ Screw and KK, all original members of the Screwed Up Click.
Hawkins was fatally shot at South Drive, Houston, Texas, after going to a promoter's apartment to collect an appearance fee.
The promoter was not home and he was shot in the corridor outside the apartment.
8 years later his brother rapper Big Hawk was also shot to death
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I'm trying to get 70 plus, trying to get 25 plus
Yeah alright great voicemail
You were talking a lot there
There was one from Slow Elvis
but I can't find it now Slow Elvis
that I mentioned last week was leaving voicemails
He talks like Elvis but slow
He said he liked it
Yeah hi Colossus this is Edward
I just wanted to let you know that
I hope you're doing better since your hospital visit
and uh
as you can hear that's my cat
and uh hope Homer J is doing well
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
You know I had my first sweet potato pie today and I've never had it before.
I heard that's poor people.
Tastes just like pumpkin pie.
Pecan pie.
No.
Sometimes a cherry pie.
Fuck apple pie.
I didn't have any of those.
And like I fucking love pecan pie and we had some.
We had pecan and pumpkin and I didn't eat any.
Yeah?
I'm not a real big sweet person.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Call a Veterinarian
Where is your ranch exactly?
Horse Machine Ranch
Where is that?
Do you know where the Walmarts is?
What Walmart?
There's a new Walmart that they're building
Where is that?
Off of Horse Machine Ranch Road
I'm new here so I don't know
I don't understand myself
And I've been here too long
That I don't know what you're talking about
Well they're building a Walmart
Call Mart Goddammit Motherfucker You
You understand what I'm trying to fuckin' say?
You fuckin' shit for brains, you?
You sure you're American or you're stupid?
Whatever, you fuck off my phone.
Goddamn cocktours.
Pissed off. I'm starting to get mad. I'm starting to lose it.
Natopia Internet Cafe. How- September 10th.
Let's call them. Let's ask if they get the YouTube.
Hi, you get YouTube?
Um, yes. We have an internet.
Do you have a YouTube computer?
YouTube computer? Um, YouTube is a website.
Madhouse Live
The Hand
The Arrow
Do you have the blue E?
Yes we have Internet Explorer
I need a computer that has the blue E and gets the YouTube computer on it
Yes we can access it from here
Okay and will it play this right here?
How does it go? Does it go like this?
I can't hear it sir
Well I'm showing you on my camera phone
Does it work like this?
YouTube computer
Carlito Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Horsemachine Ranch Road
Horsemachine Ranch Road
Horsemachine Ranch Road
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Pornhub Computers
Who is this?
Akulo
Pornhub Computers
Yeah, the computers again
Coconuts
So I warned you guys
If I try to do five hours
By this time
I'm just going to be like
This happens every fucking Thanksgiving
By the time I get to this last hour
I'm just
It's just too bad we can't get
Like every year
Now I'm going to take melatonin
Right?
And I'll probably have some ambient rice
And I'm going to
But I'm going to force myself to stay up
To listen to Green Bee
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I know you're a busy guy, but if you're ever around, you don't even have to confirm numbers.
Just hang out, man.
You go way back in the Brill Building.
You know, I didn't do one horsey cat call either, motherfucker.
You know that?
Shit.
That's not right.
Team custody of the horsey cat after Chicago.
It's right here.
Horsey cat's right here, buddy.
Look, horsey cat's on camera right now.
Horsey cat.
It was successfully repaired in Chicago.
Yeah, because fucking Homer tried to destroy the motherfucker.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
15 people in that fucking hotel room
That was a crazy
That was fucking Jaya's crazy ass
That was a bad idea
Yeah that was a real bad idea
It was just the one guy who really fucked it all up
Remember the guy who changed his fucking flight
To come hang out here
Relax sit down
Anyway hey look infomercial let's do it real quick
Mr. Singh
Start the projector
Thank you for calling the Leading Edge Health
Order and customer service
I want to thank Lowe's and Lose's for sending numbers and helping out
Big Park Man
Call Back
During our regular business hours
So we can assist you
Alright so they're closed for the whole day
Seriously we need to get
I gotta get Mr. Biggs on the show
Mr. Biggs I'm a big fan man
And I was joking around a little bit
But it is kind of hard to get through on this show
A lot of people call in
At once it seems
And I'm not 100% convinced
That my incoming line setup isn't working right
Because it seems I'll miss a lot more calls
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
All right. Okay. Okay. What's the domain name? It says here that this is the Flurry Girl Fitness Stripper Pull. You're saying this is GoDaddy? Yeah. Yeah. Probably their domain is for sale and that's how you got to me. Oh, wow. Okay. All right. GoDaddy, huh? Yeah. All right. How do you like that? Well, it depends, you know. Yeah, it depends. Yeah. Do you ever do you show the stripper pull ever to anyone anymore?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
The labia and the vaginas and everything, the labia.
Well, listen, that's some kind of a confusion.
I have no idea what you're talking about, so I'm afraid I cannot.
Really? Okay, guys, listen.
Right, okay, all right, thanks for calling.
Yeah, I'm getting loopy.
Greenby, are you here or no?
What's going on?
I don't see...
Greenby, please talk.
Hey.
Hey.
Are you going to be okay?
You got eight minutes, motherfucker.
You know, there's a lot of pressure.
I hope you...
Nah, I'm alright.
Alright.
I should be fine.
Do you have anything special planned?
Do you have any special ideas?
Are you going to be talking anything?
I have a few ideas, but...
Keep them close to the chest, you know?
Close to the chest.
You got this, Greenby.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can't wait.
I'm gonna stay up and listen to that shit, you know what I mean?
Thank you for calling Nutrisystem. You have called outside of our operating hours, which are Monday through Friday 8 a.m. To 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time
I'm gonna try to call one more business here. See if I can get through to someone at this Kohl's
Welcome to Kohl's in Bend. We are now open and for your convenience. We are open all night
Clothes Shoes Press 3 Shoes Shoes Press 4
Betting and Bath Press 5 Clothing Press 6
Jewelry and Beauty Press 7 Please Hold for Jewelry and Beauty
Welcome to Kohl's in Reno West
But Instructional Spins are not transferring. Please Hold.
I'm Suckers
You have a slight imposter
Good evening thank you for calling Kohl's this is Nancy customer service
Call Nation Madhouse Live
She knew the whole time, motherfucker.
All right, gentlemen, Greenby is coming up next.
Greenby, prepare yourself.
Dwight McClanahan, thanks for helping.
I'm going to disconnect you now.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Goodbye.
Too late, asshole.
All right, everyone, stay tuned for the Greenby show.
Go to madhouseslive.com, where right now you can get all your tuning in options,
as well as everything you need to, you know, the schedule.
The schedule.
Madhouse Live
Or we can go out to this, right?
All right.
Thanksgiving, everyone.
See you guys later.

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