MadhouseLive

Mader Tongue

14 Dec 2018 · 2 h 35 min · 12,364 words · source

Calls (24, 1 h 12 min of 2 h 35 min)

  1. Target store holiday hours ivr 48 s clip ↓
  2. Indian Center cursed at on call live 2.1 min clip ↓
  3. Ordering food from a restaurant live 33 s clip ↓
  4. Asking about chicken caruso at a restaurant live 9.8 min clip ↓
  5. Airport Motor Inn automated menu ivr 2.8 min clip ↓
  6. Target store holiday hours menu live 1.8 min clip ↓
  7. Dog owner trying to sell Labrador ivr 9.1 min clip ↓
  8. Message left for Daniel Karen playback 4.8 min clip ↓
  9. Call Nation Madhouse Live prank live 1.1 min clip ↓
  10. Party City stock person asked for manager live 1.1 min clip ↓
  11. Party City caller threatened with police live 33 s clip ↓
  12. Airline ticket call with offensive remarks live 4.6 min clip ↓
  13. Grocery store transfer attempt live 1.1 min clip ↓
  14. Playback of Madhouse Live segment playback 6.6 min clip ↓
  15. Cafe Maharani order request live 1.3 min clip ↓
  16. Indian market asked about banchod sauce live 1.1 min clip ↓
  17. Palamaspo Market IVR menu ivr 1.1 min clip ↓
  18. Madhouse Live caller about Coast to Coast AM live 48 s clip ↓
  19. Madhouse Live caller about Dave's god theory live 2.1 min clip ↓
  20. X Chair automated menu ivr 33 s clip ↓
  21. Madhouse Live intro playback playback 33 s clip ↓
  22. Inogen oxygen system asked about chemtrails live 1.1 min clip ↓
  23. Energy One oxygen system with Jacqueline live 8.6 min clip ↓
  24. Madhouse Live caller orders salad with icing live 9.1 min clip ↓

Transcript

Sir, don't say abuse language.
Excuse me?
You stupid?
You know what? You're being very rude and I don't want to speak to you again.
So you can call when I'm not working. So you can call tomorrow.
I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.
That's my big amigo.
So just kick back to listen to this cat call people when the show goes live.
I be like, damn, this shit's bitchin'.
Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen.
Madhouse Live
John
I would like to say to all of you today that nobody should work here, ever.
our managers will make promises, and never keep them, and not only that, they will preach to us about how they care about their employees
But about a month ago, my boss, assistant manager cora called me auffast of time and management did nothing to help
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I've heard a lot of bullshit talk, I know that much.
This isn't bullshit, my friend.
Do you know something?
Don't listen to me.
What do you know?
Maybe I do and maybe I don't.
What I say is they got no business negotiating.
We ought to be going back in there with a bullet for everybody in the yard.
Oh, is that right?
We do it now, we do it later.
Later ain't gonna be no use.
Am I right, Al?
Now, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.
We got a lot of angry guys in there.
Black Muslims, Panthers, Young Lords.
Besides you, the average antisocial.
So we gotta go in, right?
Clean the clocks.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is The Magnet.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
A-N-D, hang on, N-D-A. Okay. And you said that she's trying to find a phone?
She's going to get to a phone, yes, sir.
She is going to...
I'm going to put you on break now. Hold on.
Hang on, hang on. Get to a phone.
A bit people, a bit people, a bit people, a bit people.
It's better to be worth it.
Thank you for calling the Target store.
Our hours have changed for the holidays.
To view specific holiday hours, please go to Target.com or the Target app.
I don't have a viewer.
Para continuar en español, oprime el 7.
I don't have a viewer.
How am I going to view if I don't have a viewer?
For hours and location information, press 1.
To reach a specific department, press 2.
To speak to someone in the pharmacy, press 3.
For electronics, help you.
Hello?
Yeah, hi.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by Kris Brandhagen. brandhagen.com
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Prank Call
I played a sound clip of this Indian guy cursing from the last show, the show from last week.
It's right here. We'll play it right now. Let's all listen.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm apologizing now for not remembering your name now, because I forget things.
Let me start our music program for tonight.
Just one moment, please.
We got other links to give out.
I've got other links to give out.
There's no we here.
I've got other links to give out and such, and I will do so later.
Anyway, here's the first of those Indian restaurants, and we'll play that clip.
I just want to see what happens.
I'm going to try a few of them.
Hopefully, at least one of them is funny.
Found.
Not working.
So, yes, broadcasting for the first time tonight on Facebook Live.
There's been a spate of YouTube channels getting hit and suspended.
My channel has not been suspended, but I did get hit with a strike,
which has taken away my ability to stream on YouTube Live for three months until March.
So I decided, fuck it, and I'll try Facebook Live instead for that period of time.
And I figure we can play music on Facebook Live as far as I know,
so I'm pumping the regular raw feed right through it.
So I don't need to say anymore, if you want to hear the music because of YouTube,
You can go over make sure you go over to the other channels that you can listen on
But now now the music plays with the video for the next three months, maybe longer YouTube
Maybe I'll find somewhere else to go some greener pastures
And send a mother to the Indian chocolate regard. I'm gonna get a number in there about the other not a book
No, both are a mother to talk to him couple. I'll speak on apart Dunga. He's got a bosley gay
Madarchod three monkey chute come here. You fucking master if you have balls you buy late chuck a solid history
Hello? Okay. I think he replied with a quick curse maybe there? I don't know. I don't know.
I want to hear some cursing back. I'm trying to capture the hate that hate begets and then play that to people.
Hold while your call is being connected. This call may be recorded for quality control.
Okay, okay.
So when did it start costing so much to replace a starter in a call?
Hello?
Yeah, hello, Virginia. I didn't send a mother to the Indian Chakriti gone. I don't know their number in their bus
Yeah, the not a book. No, oh boy. Sorry. You're a mother to talk to him. Come on. I'll be gone apart
Dunga, it's got a bosley gay
Mother showed three monkey tooth come here you fucking
Call me fucking but they just hang up. Maybe they know it's a recording
This is it. This is Leela. This is the one where the guy was that talked to me like this.
So at the very least, this will sound to someone who works there like the boss.
Best case scenario, it'll be the guy and he'll hear himself and he'll get very angry.
And no, it is me.
Wish us luck here, people. Wish me luck.
God, I'm doing that.
Madharchod Tere Maaki Choot
Come here you fucking bastard
You Bailay Chakke Saleh Hijre
You call me you fucking bastard
Tere Maaka Bosoda
Chalo
Indian Center Madarchor Indian
Indian Center Madarchor Indian Chakke
Tere Gaan Marunga Tera Number
Same to you, same to you bro, same to you
Double, double, double
Alright motherfucker you
Hey
a
Did you say that did you say the N word sir you know your people or monkey dirty people
Taking down this number and I'm calling the cops right now what you're dirtier than China
Right somewhat why oh so one said bad words to me in some language
Madhouse Live
I don't want to leave a madarchod message.
It's just not that funny.
Because we're going to end up hearing it like 20 more times.
Tonight alone.
It's got to be chopped up further.
I haven't had a chance to do that.
I'm just going to let Axba do it.
This is his little bitch-ass dupe on the shit.
Hey, manito!
Hey, what's going on?
Oh, I didn't know I had to come and call.
Hey, caller.
Hey, fucking Milkman.
Oh, hey, Dwight man.
How you doing?
I'm Milky Dwight.
Milky Dwight?
Milky Goo?
Yeah.
I'm co-chair of the Pen15 Club.
How are you?
Oh, good.
Pen City?
You sit on pens?
Yeah, Pen15.
Pen penis.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, Pen15.
Shut up
Everyone who doesn't know this is Matt Hillock on the line
Party time Saturday nights
The mailbox belonging to
I'm trying to hang up, Mal. I'm just, I can't see the mouse.
Alright, next.
You know, I tried calling just a minute ago there, and it's a Google Voice, and you couldn't even leave voicemails. What happened?
I don't know. I didn't know that was the problem.
Your greeting message is like, Google Voice.
Please hold. Your call is being connected. Your call may be recorded for quality control.
I didn't know that was a problem. I don't know, right?
I'm the obituary guy supposed to leave a message. God!
He did. He did earlier today. He got through. Maybe you're stupid.
I think we'll be.
Maybe you're out.
I didn't send the madarchod Indian chakka.
He laughed at least.
Why aren't you watching live PD?
I got bored with the show man. Yeah, I see you watching CNN right there. I see you. Can you tell it usually comes up?
Oh, yeah. What are they? We know it says presidents under fire. Yeah, Bill Clinton in his
Bullshit
Did there was there was a
What Network was it that had a Clinton special and they actually had Monica on for a few?
I think it was CNN too.
No, it wasn't CNN. No, no, no. There was a different... who was it?
Was it A&E, I think? It was like a three-part.
Yeah, it reached my access.
Yeah, the Clinton Affair is what they called it or some shit like that.
Yeah, it was pretty good. The Monica Lewinsky stuff was pretty crazy.
Yeah, yeah, what a shit person, what a shit people
Yeah, Trump is worse
Please hold while your call is being connected
This call may be recorded for quality control
When Clinton died
When Clinton lied, no one died
A mailbox belonging to
Fuck
I don't know, but this song is making me feel extra fucking sexy.
What song?
The music playing.
The music now?
Oh, you were stuck on hold, sir? I'm sorry.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Oh, yeah.
I do that sometimes. I don't pay attention.
There it is again, huh? I gave it to you, you fucking motherfucker.
I pinched my nipples when you did it, too.
Why don't you get on Skype so we can clear the line, asshole?
Because I'm an asshole.
Hello?
Hi there.
Hi, I'd like to make an order.
Sure, for pickup?
Yeah.
Sure, can I have your order, please?
Okay, like one butter chicken?
Uh-huh.
Okay, one CTM?
Chicken tikka masala.
Uh-huh, spicy, very spicy, please.
Sure, sir.
Okay, I'm going to put my friend Sanjay on the line.
Sure.
Okay.
Madarchod Trimakichod
You don't like to touch door handles after they've used it.
You told me that once in conference.
I don't do that.
That's too bad that you don't do that.
What a chicken factory. How may I help you?
Hi, we'd like to make an order.
For pickup?
Yeah.
What's your name?
Horse.
Cross, what's your order?
One chicken caruso.
One chicken?
Yeah, one chicken caruso.
Pardon?
Chicken caruso.
Chicken caruso?
Yeah.
We don't have any chicken caruso.
You don't have that chicken caruso?
You have you have butter chicken, right? Yeah, we have butter chicken. We don't have any chicken
In the name of dish. We don't have any chicken caruso. It's easy. Okay. Do you have chicken 65? No, we don't have chicken
Okay, do you have any mulagatani soup? Yes, we have soup. Okay, it's good lentils or from the can or from the bags
What's from the bag? Okay good and you soak it overnight. Pardon? You soak the the the beans overnight or how do you
What do you do with the beans? We just boil it and we just give it
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
What about your pecker?
Pecker?
Yeah
What is pecker?
It's the part on the body for the woman that you put in the woman
You know?
What?
He's like what?
The fuck?
Where did that come from?
I'll call back, I don't expect him to pick up
Cartel
H&R Block
The H&R Block
H&R Block
H&R Block
H&R Block
H&R Block
Come on, dial.
Now we all alone
and everybody's a clone
cause everybody's
****
We're getting slow
and becoming a drone
We're missing out
on really living
Hello Butter Chicken Factory,
how may I help you?
Yeah, I'm sorry,
we got disconnected.
I wasn't making an order.
Yeah, yeah.
Alright, One Butter Chicken?
Okay, what, uh,
may I have your phone number?
I would like to get a system
as being, like, cake.
Fuck.
One Butter Chicken,
mild, medium, or spicy?
Call
you
want
soup okay listen but when you when you go to the bathroom you wash your hands
right at this point your people your clear clean people what
are we talking well I want to make sure is clean
people like are they any Dalits there
We're talking about the caste system in India. Dalits are the lowest of the caste system. They're dirty.
The world ain't never enough there, Dwight, you know?
Yeah, that's what they said in those Tootsie Pop commercials, too.
How many licks does it take to get to the center?
The world may never know.
You're really off tonight, Dwight.
Are you sure you want to do this, Dwight?
I know I'm good, man.
You're messing up.
We're calling Comfort In.
This is something you feel comfortable with.
The Big Airport, where your stay is 100% satisfaction guaranteed.
Again.
To get, enter their room number now.
Yeah.
I always try 215.
What was ours like when we went, what was that, like something something 90?
That's right.
Thank you for calling the company.
I'm one of the big sales.
Gerald speaking.
How can I help you?
Yeah, can I have, please have room 212.
212, hold the line, please.
Thank you.
From home this holiday season, we're the perfect place to stay and celebrate the season's
festivities.
We'll be happy to reserve your room when we return to the line.
This is a conversation.
For pleasure, make the comfort in Winnipeg South your home away from home.
Our updated hotel is 100% smoke-free and offers all the amenities you deserve.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is unavailable at this time.
Begin speaking after the tone, then hang up when you are finished, or press any key.
No one ever checks their hotel room voicemail, right? Come on.
I know I did when we were in Chicago and it was Matt fucking Hillock on there.
Yeah.
Mention that we follow soon.
For your convenience, free wireless internet access is available in all our...
Yeah.
Thank you for calling Travelers and Puggies.
How may I help you?
All right.
I'd like to speak over on 230, please.
Okay.
Hi there.
Hello.
Did you say 230?
230?
Yeah.
We don't have anyone staying in 230.
Is it 213 then?
We don't have any room with 213.
You go...
How do you go?
2.30 and up then?
2.30
Can I get the last name of the guest?
Well, I'm with transportation.
They didn't tell me, you know?
Fucking shit.
Because we don't have anyone in 2.30 and
What was your name?
Herman
Herman?
Herman
Yes?
We're making a report about you right now.
Herman said that I said the F word.
Let me speak to Herman.
I didn't say anything, sir.
Yeah, but this is because I'm going to get in trouble if I don't pick him up.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Thrift Lodge
Thrift Lodge
require an appellation
Nothing
All right, whatever.
Please, sir, do not say abuse language.
Do not say abuse language.
She was at your mercy.
What voice is that I was doing?
Oh, dude.
Yeah, I got that.
It's fucking perfect.
I'll do.
Oh, God.
Oh, see, you said F word.
Herman.
Herman.
Herman.
Let me speak to Herman.
Thank you for calling Super 8.
Your call may be recorded or monitored for quality purposes.
Come on, extension.
Reservation.
Jermaine speaking.
How can I help you?
Yeah, I need to talk to a room.
I ain't got time to be waiting on the phone.
I'm sorry?
I ain't got time to wait to be on the phone.
I got to talk to the room.
Mm-hmm.
Do you know how the phone works?
No, sir.
What is that again?
Room 233
Excuse me?
You stupid?
I'm with transportation
I'm putting down
I'm making a report on you
You said the F word to me
Well I'm putting it down like you did
What are you going to do about it?
You can't do shit
What's your name?
What's your name? I'm writing you down. I'm putting you in a computer. I'm putting it off right now
Yeah, the voice is too much it's too much for to get a say in a regular voice now
I would say you said that I can't okay
I don't want to do a show anymore
Airport Motor Inn
Airport Motor Inn, Winnipeg's most reasonable room rates.
And now on the web at airportmotorinn.ca.
Please listen carefully and select one of the following options.
If you know the room number of the person you're trying to reach, please enter it now.
Yay!
Press 2.
You are being transferred to 2-3-3.
So I knew you were clearly and earnestly upset by this, and so unfortunately that had to happen before.
That extension is not valid. Please try again.
Subscribe
Share
Share
Share
Share
Give me a valid extension
Aha
I hate you
I love you
Hehehe
Right
I'm glad
I can hear you
I can hear you
I know
Shore
Like
Dwight, you gotta do the calls too, you know.
You can't just sit there.
You have reached the airport motorist.
You are being transferred to a guest.
This is military duty.
Save a message.
Begin speaking.
Oh, this is the kind of hotel where people just move in and make themselves a home.
You hear that?
They're like, I'm gonna have my own custom voicemail.
Mr. Carl, but your name is, um, if you hear it, so where the fuck are you, man?
It's number 116, bro.
Come check me out.
Begin speaking after the tone.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is unavailable at this time.
Begin speaking after the tone.
Press any key when you...
Hey, guys, listen, I'm so...
I gotta get calls going here.
If you want to join the show, 405-396-6884.
405-396-6884.
Oh, yeah, the audio from the phone did stop working.
Now what did I do?
Damn it.
I did disconnect.
What a terrible, horrible show.
Can't find the cable.
We're in catastrophe.
Go fuck yourself.
Damn it.
Fucking great.
Fixed it.
Back to the hotel.
See if we can get at least one person in the hotel to pick up.
It's the last attempt at this hotel.
Then I'll try another one.
If you got numbers, send them in.
If you got any idea for numbers, do it.
Right.
And now.
I'll find you some numbers.
Let me know, motherfucker.
One of the following officers.
You are being transferred to a guest.
Hey, caller.
You're on the air, but we're on a call.
Don't be nice.
I'm sorry.
Yo, Carlito, what's up?
He's currently on the phone.
Oh, man.
Room 154.
Hey, caller on the air.
I'm Carlito.
Hi.
Hey, what's going on, Carlito?
Hey, you know, just here.
You know, sitting down, trying to get calls.
Do you recognize the voice?
Is this Big Ethan?
That's right.
Yeah, see, I'm good.
I'm good.
I'm really bad with voices, too.
And I remember that.
How have you been?
Long time no talk.
Where have you been?
What's going on?
Why are you angry?
What's the matter?
Hold on one second.
Alexa, shut up.
Nah, I'm listening to you on your life on the scene.
Ah, I hear you.
No, everything's good, man.
Engaged, moved to a new place, so thank you for that.
Yeah.
All right, yeah.
Yeah.
Can't be on the phone too, too long.
I'm sitting on the couch with the lady and we're about to finish our TV show.
Okay, nice, nice.
And she says hello.
Hey, lady.
Hi, Mrs. Ethan.
Or to be, what show are you watching?
I put you on speaker.
You say hi again.
Hi, hello, Ethan's lady.
Hi.
Hi, what show are you guys watching?
How are you doing?
Good, thank you.
What show are you guys watching?
Prison Break.
Prison Break, wow.
Oh, it's a good one, man.
It's a good show, man.
Did you watch the new season?
Can I throw a question?
Thank you for calling the San Jose East Target Store.
Our hours have changed for the holidays.
For electronics, press 1.
Wait a minute, that's the labia TV?
Yeah, yeah, labia TV.
Ask your girl how many fingers.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
That was my fault.
This is going to take a long time.
I'll call back.
Thank you for calling the San Jose East Target store.
Our hours have changed for the electronics.
Hang on.
What were you saying?
Go ahead.
Now's a good time to say it.
Joey Guns.
Joey Guns.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's been a while.
They're not answering at the Starbucks.
At the Star Wars Starbucks, I was trying to say.
Okay, now go.
Target didn't want to answer again.
This is Joey.
Good.
Calling Beer Authority.
How can I help you?
Hey, NMI.
Is Joey there?
I hear right now, no.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Check the labia also, all right?
Yeah, absolutely.
All right, check your face.
We're probably going to get put on hold for a long fucking time.
Have you talked to Larry lately?
In Tool World?
Yeah.
Let's see if he's working tonight.
I think he moved up in the world and he works like an early shift, but I could try.
Ah.
Where is this at?
It's been a while.
That was the thing for the 2014 years, a few weeks ago.
Ah.
Honolulu
He's Lowe's, right? Not Home Depot. He's Lowe's.
Yeah, it's Lowe's. For me.
Thank you for calling Lowe's.
Para instrucciones en espanol, marque tres.
For directions to the store, press one.
For store hours, press two.
To reach a department directly, press five.
Or to speak to the operator, press zero.
Oh, the presses are loud.
For information on deliveries, press one.
For scheduled installations,
Press 2. Commercial sales. Press 3. Appliances. Press 4. Lumber and building materials. Press 5. Flooring. Press 6. Hardware and tools. Press 7. For more department, press 8. To repeat these options, press 9.
nunu
Hardware and tools. Yeah
Okay, yeah was supposed to get with Joey over there getting a mattress somewhere in the back
Well, no, this is for where we're gonna kind of do I was gonna propose to my girl
A private space there, you know, for me and my old lady to do some pork.
Sorry, don't want to invite up. Thank you.
Well, come on. Can I do something with you?
Thank you for calling Rose.
What are you fighting about?
You're fucking angry.
For directions to the store, press 1.
For store hours, press 2.
To reach a department directly, press 5.
Or to speak with the operator, press 0.
Transferring, please hold.
Yeah, so you're from like HR or something corporate and you're going to see who Larry's working.
Workman's Cop
Big Dwight
What season of Prison Break are you watching?
We're almost done with season one, they're just about to break out.
It's my fiancée's first time watching the season one.
Thank you for calling us.
Para instrucciones en español parte tres.
I have to pause it so we can follow.
That's cool. Hey, you guys want some spoilers?
I've seen it already.
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman
I'll give you a quick background.
Katie with like 10 pets looking for a home, but she's a total skell.
She has a part-time job.
She's crazy.
All right.
Part-time job.
So I'll Facebook you the number.
Hello?
Yeah, you got that dog machine?
Hello?
Yeah, you got a Labrador dog machine?
I got a Labrador I'm trying to get rid of.
Yeah, that's what I'm looking for, that dog machine.
Why are you trying to get rid of him?
I'm actually moving out.
Where are you going to?
I'm going to Alabama.
Oh, wow, from Hawaii to Alabama?
Are you are you a connecter or are you howie? I'm actually Portuguese. Oh, that's disgusting. All right, so
The dog has got all this current on all those vaccinations. Yeah, I mean the dog is eight and a half years old
So yeah, but you have to get the vaccinations all the time, you know, you have to be on top of all right
Does the dog have his sexual organs still? No
Okay, does that it doesn't have a penis either or does it still have the penis?
Oh
I don't know because I had a dog once and it had a problem with the penis in the head of her movement. No
Well, why are you gonna say vulgar words, motherfucker? Go fuck yourself. Oh you fuck you
Why is this vulgar words? Why you got to say that shit course good fucking pew, okay?
Dogs overweight I'm looking at him right now. He's defective. He's no Homer. I'll tell you that much your call
Call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
Two.
Two.
All right, so did you send that number then, Ethan?
I'm working on it right now.
He's a bitch.
You'll like it.
Yeah, you got a move-in special for your room, shared room?
Yes, we do.
What's your name?
My name is Cross.
How are you?
Hey, Cross.
How you doing, buddy?
Oh, I'm not too good.
I got to move out, you know?
How soon are you trying to move into a place?
As soon as I can, to be honest with you.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman
What temperature do you keep in there?
Sorry, what the house you mean?
Yeah, I'm a 72 degree kind of guy.
Well, it's right up your alley then, buddy, because it's 72 degrees in this house right now.
Oh, that's perfect. All right, cool. All right. And do I get a bed? Do I have to provide my bed?
No, it's furnished.
It's furnished, all right, because I see bunk beds. All right, there's bunk beds in there?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
lalala
I'm a guy
five time a day kinda guy
you know
just don't do it in the room
when the fuckin' guys are next to you
cause you'll probably get another table broke over your back
well when they're sleeping and everything like that right
no
how they gonna know
trust me they'll know
you're on a bunk bed bro
no but I keep it quiet
your bed will shake
are you fuckin' kiddin' me
don't be
alright listen I'm gonna let you go brother
take care good luck
no c'mon please c'mon
I'm doing it right now
I can't stop
alright shit
brother
Aspiring actors
we gotta love LA
I have received your message
awesome
Awesome. Did you read, uh, read it yet?
Please leave your message for Daniel Karen.
I got the F you button from that guy. Oh shit. Uh,
call for a sale. Uh, say I live on the fake.
She has 10 pets. She's a crazy German lady.
Extra with fake titties probably drunk by now. All right.
And she has a post on Craigslist looking for someone to take her in.
Just like, Oh, please take me. Fuck. Yep.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I think it's a conservative kind of place.
Alright, changing the caller ID as you have recommended.
I have hit the OK button.
That commits it.
Now I will type a 1 and I will paste to bring them back.
And here we are.
Chances you got to throw in an old god bill in the background.
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.
I could try again.
Shamlippen is German for labia.
Shamlippen.
Wow.
Thank you.
That's nice.
I think that was Cactus Rider.
Someone said that.
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.
I'm sorry, kids. They're not picking up. I tried. I tried.
Thank you.
Damn it. Thank you.
Maybe next time.
All right. I'll clear the line. You guys can get back to your thing.
And that'll clear it for someone else.
But thanks for joining both of you. Behave yourselves. Have a nice time.
Oh, yeah.
All right. Invite me to the wedding. I will gladly show up. I'll entertain.
I'll see you guys later.
I was actually just going to say, honestly, I was just going to say,
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
oh my god
if you put her in your asshole then he'll do it
he's stupid
is he working tonight?
so he didn't hear that
I think he is working
he's either working or he was going out with friends
Nadia you had called her
she had sent me a number for her bdubs to call
and I'm finally getting to it now
damn it
I got a window open cause it got hot in here
now it's cold
it's the temperature over there
I got to like 40 today here.
Well, we'll find out.
Echo, what's the temperature outside?
43 degrees right now.
Ah, motherfucker you.
Low 40 tonight.
That's what she said.
I have to say what's the temperature outside because if I ask just what the temperature is,
it tells me what the temperature in the house is.
Because my thermostat's hooked up to it for my AC and heat.
Yeah.
Nice.
That's fucking fancy, man.
I could tell I'd be like, hey, Alexa, turn on the AC, motherfucker.
Awe
Sorry to D.A.
The front with clothes, that's my fault. Well, they should they're in California, it's beat ups come on there some sports
So I want is there a basketball basketball song tonight? Mm-hmm. We're 951. Is that yet? It's
I'll try again. Fuck it. Fuck it in the end. Oh, hey Dave King wants to join on Skype tonight
I'm not remembering. I said I was going to have him on.
I hear there's a caller coming in. I heard it.
Actually, there was for a second and I missed it because I wasn't looking at the screen.
Shit.
Yeah, they won't answer there, Nadia Del Culo.
Nadia Del Culo, cabrona.
They won't answer.
Listen, guys, listen to this J Dilla remix here while I go urinate.
I'll be right back. I promise. I'll be real fast.
Dwight, you can tell them all about your day.
I don't care.
Who do you want?
Shit, my day?
Went to the gym.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
The
ground
capability
it's called the brown no brown my voice okay
yeah
I thought it might be your arm your co-host
it in the background there asshole or do I mean
I mean yeah yeah whoever's supposed to clean all that shit up afterward
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Quack, quack, quack.
Motherfucker.
Yeah, motherfucking, yeah, fucking, hey.
How are you guys doing?
You guys doing well?
Everything good?
We're doing all right.
Yeah, we're looking forward to next year.
I'm trying to wind down this year, but, you know, all things considered,
how are things going on your end?
You're doing a random show.
I'm okay.
Well, I mean.
With some jackass supervision.
No, it's not random.
I was supposed to do it last night, and I'm on tonight.
Are you just saying my ideas are random, or I don't know what you're getting at?
Oh no no no no uh you just came on late you just came on late and i wasn't sure if it was
gonna be a wall no it was a 10 p.m kind of thing tonight go ahead dwight has no there is a that was
a good idea you guys are talking about no icing on the uh on a salad dave king's right that would
be a good prank premise no icing on the cake there was no icing on my salad icing i want icing
on my salad i want the royal icing on my salad i want a marble salad thank you for calling party
Martina
I got a party coming up
and alright you have the birthday stuff there
yet we do we have birthday surprise everything I need
we have decoration plates and cups
huh alright there are damn napkins yes we do
okay that's good to clean up after you know I when you're eating
and if we're in a toilet paper you can use some other act to
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
What does a stock person have to do with... It's not a manager, it's a stock person. We're going to start from low.
Would you like to speak with the manager?
I'd like to talk to a man. Would that be...
A manager.
No, a man.
Okay, one moment please.
Okay.
And why don't they have cakes at Party City?
They should. They could make a killing. In fact, they could go there forever.
Damn strippers.
Quiet with that typing over there.
Oh, that's cat. Can you make the salad look like Spongebob? I'm a six-year-old. It's very important. I had a Mr. T cake salad one. That's why kids were awesome. I can still taste that. It's hard to explain. The dressing. The dressing. Fuck. You see what you guys are doing to me? The icing on it was hard to explain. It tasted very blue.
Closed Captions by the Amara.org community
1.3.4.4.5.6.9.0-10.2.8.7.9.7.8.9.8.8.9.9.8.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.
I don't know what that means.
I don't know what that means.
Do you want me to call the cops right now and give them your number?
You know?
All right.
She knew.
You want me to call the police?
All right, guys.
Yeah, you said you don't want to hold up my line.
You don't want to be with me.
Fine.
Bye.
Yeah, maybe a little too far.
No, no, hold up, hold up, hold up.
I just thought you had a lot of incoming calls.
I do, I do, I do That's fine, that's okay Alright, well thanks I'm trying to be respectful Charles, thank you for your work Whoever that asshole is that's apart from me The monitor, the manager, the mopper Oh yeah, the mopper Get him out of here Joke's on you, asshole Because you're being charged $2.99 a minute for this phone call
I got bait switched
Gentlemen have a good night
To the rest of the community
Thank you
Looking forward to the meet up
Movie night
Those are the movie night guys
They handle movie night
They're not guys
They're a guy and a girl
Thank you for calling Party City at the store
My name is Joel
How may I help you?
Hi Joel
This is a completely different person
Hello
Hello, I had a question. If you have an item in, please.
Hello?
Hi, I'm talking.
Hello?
Stupid.
Hello?
Hijo de tu pinche reputa madre maricón cabrón de mierda.
That's the trick right there.
So the funny thing is, that was in Hawaii, and she spoke Spanish.
Mel, you know why?
She's probably a Filipina, that's why.
Yeah, yeah, Philippines.
Yeah, what you eating there, an apple?
You got an apple?
Yeah, yep.
Really? That was pretty good.
Apple Bag
Back to Dwight McCranky Pants numbers
Oh let me check it
Let me see if I got any numbers from
Parkman
Whoops he may have sent numbers
And I didn't even think to look
My bad Parkman if you did
Yes you did alright Parkman
My main man Parkman
I forgot I forgot your thing
Indian guy answered at airline
Ticket discounts
Alright
Almost time to take a
Call Ticket Discounts
best friend iPhone number
attack
dot
and answer against polish being recorded quality purposes
tender colleagues mrs discover her life story
and that's that's that's and they're happy you good Personal LandSpace
airline tickets from a nice time
he's on the phone too
aboutva guess let me i know
Hello sir, how are you?
Good, I'm going to touch him on the plane.
We're going to sit down and I'm going to touch him.
Okay, sir, yes, please tell me, sir, from where would you like to leave?
Where do you want to go, departing from going to?
I'd like to depart from either JFK or LaGuardia, somewhere in New York City.
And going to?
I would like to go to India.
And sir, can you tell me the airport name, sir, in India?
I'd like to go to Mumbai.
Okay, and the date you are looking for, sir?
Manchur
Looking for March the 14th
I'm going there to have sex with a woman
Your mother
bhenchod
I'm going there to madarchod
You know madarchod
Yeah I'm going there to madarchod
We want to make madarchod with your mother
Say what sir
Sir hello
I didn't get it what you trying to say sir
I want to make madarchod in Mumbai
But
Like the airport in Mumbai
It's a different name sir
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm going to peck peck your mother I'm going to peck peck your mother
I'm going to disconnect because I want to kiss her many times
he totally sounded in here I know yeah yeah yeah there must be a Filipino outfit
we'll try again would you like all is being recorded for quality purposes
yeah okay you can do one young man just say peck peck and I'll play the chicken
peck peck yeah okay what does peck peck mean it's like fucking what's that okay
It'll be hilarious if he calls some Indian and he knows it's a hep hep hep hep.
That's the clapping thing.
So I could join in on that too.
Yeah, hep. Hep is funny.
Hep, that was just a prank that Sloth did with Ice Goose
where the Indian guy just kept going hep like that.
He was real pissed off at him because he was going hep hep like that.
So a year later, me and Matt were on my show
Madhouse Live
I still enjoy the Chicago beat-up rant after everyone went to bed.
Then he fell asleep early on Dark Stranger.
On Thanksgiving night.
Shawna, double-dice RV park is not available.
Fucking RVs, right?
Shit.
Oh, you know where I want to go tomorrow?
I want to go to Cold Stone Creamery, motherfucker.
Yeah.
Oh, Cold Stone's so good.
You like that Cold Stone?
What's your favorite foot?
Yeah.
Well, here's the thing, man.
All right. So for many years, my wife would go to Cold Stone and I would go in and I was like, you have a sugar free one yet? Like, no. And I'm like, all right, fuck you. And I'd leave all upset because it looks like so much fun and I couldn't have it because I'm diabetic.
Madhouse Live
Parkman's Idea
tikka masala papadum Carlito Laugh Track
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I believe they are closed for the night.
Alright, can you put grocery, someone in grocery on the line, please?
Sure, I'll help you.
Bye.
Your call is appreciated and is being processed as quickly as possible.
Please remain online. We'll be right with you.
I ain't gonna wait for this.
I'm trying to add Dave King here.
What's this hot bitch you just added in here?
I'm trying to add Dave King, but he's so stupid, they probably won't be able to do it right.
Hello, hey, Dave King, is that you?
hey what's going on dude hey it's good to have you on hey why are you crazy what why are you so
crazy i don't know it's just fucking part of being alive man oh good hi i wanted to have you
on just talk just to have a talk you know see yeah yeah what's what's the conspiracy of the day
what do you want to talk about ah it's just fucking i'm not all about you know conspiracies
it's just i tend to you're about raspberry pie because that's you know just how i like to
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Infinite Energy Pulling On Itself In Every Different Direction
And That's Just How These Fucking UFOs Travel Around
In Certain Areas Of The Government
Black Budget Operations
Whatever The Fuck You Want To Call Them
They Fucking You Know
Reverse Engineered This Shit
We Could Have A Fucking Box In Our Homes
Powering Our House And Our Cars
Free Fucking Machine
You Know What I'm Saying
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
The problem like she wasn't into anal. Well, I mean that's not the problem. I mean that just I don't know
The thing is I'm fucking
Before I moved and moved here to be with her and fucking you know, things didn't work
I'm not gonna get into all that shit, you know, it's fucking but um, we we fucking had this these crazy ass
Experiences like fucking paranormal shit because we were always arguing, you know
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
But the thing with the God thing is, I think it's impossible for one being to fucking create even two particles to be exactly the same.
How the fuck could a God create all the fucking electrons and neutrons in the universe to be exactly the fucking same?
Every fucking electron is exactly the fucking same.
There's no fucking way some God could have just fucking came out of somebody's ass and just created shit.
It doesn't make sense.
No, but he's God.
The
Same if it just came out of nothingness, you know, it seems to be designed
So I understand both sides of the argument, but I just fucking we don't know man
I mean we could be living in a fucking video game or something. This could be a dream or fucking some sort of fucking massive trip
Okay
Real quick guys if anyone wants to talk to Dave King as your chance Eric area code 405 three nine six six eight eight four
405-39-MOUTH
You don't have any for MAME
You don't have any for your
There's a script
I can hook you up with a script
That you can run that downloads all those video
Snaps for you
Seth's Scraper
Yeah you need to do that man
There's a better one Seth's Scraper is all broken
And janked up there's a better alternative to it
You can run on your own in CLI
Yeah you run it in the CLI
And
It's much better I highly recommend
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hey, it's Buckshot. Hey, how you doing? We're doing good. We're just shooting a shit with Dave King
Is that former Vice President Joe Biden? Yes, I have to take a dab real fast. Hold on. Sorry
This is a prank call thing or does he look like Joe Biden? I have never seen Buckshot Dwight
I look exactly like Joe Biden. Oh really like old like 70 year old Joe Biden
Madhouse Live
Hello, I'm just switching the input. I'm putting on headphones. I hope it's gonna work. Yeah, we hear you. I hear you
Can you hear me?
Yeah, because you gave an explanation about particles at all particles and
such being
Protons and neutrons, whatever electrons being the same, but why work work?
I mean, you believe that everything is just happen chance you believe that this it just it is you don't you know
like if
Where do the universe come from? What created the Big Bang?
That's the fucking biggest question, right? Yeah, I think I think it's
Creatures I think it's fourth dimensional beings that did it
I think God or just God is just one fourth dimensional being who hasn't clean
What if God is the universe itself and I mean it's consciousness is enabled by the possibility of every particle connected to each other and particles are simply just a singularity of bifurcation of an access into part of a parallel universe and everything is self-sustaining.
Goose Your Claw Fossil
Laugh Trank pixels
That point they're just made though it's just simply that you have Dioxine ribbon you cletic acid
Dna Dna know that one. Yeah. This is fuckin self replicating molecular system, which came across
If you look at the I mean the first fucking thing
I looked up when I got the internet when I was a teenager in high school
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The Last Temptation of Christ
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Subtitles by the Amara.org community
He said that shit, Mom.
Yeah, ma'am, we're talking about dressing up as frogs for Alex Jones.
Okay.
Yeah.
Wait, is the trophy guy still here?
No, it's, I think, Dwayne's sound effects, yeah.
Oh, yeah, I figured as much, but when I got to the front of everybody, I was like, wait a second.
What's that guy's name?
What's his name?
It's Paul.
What?
Hey, huh?
Who?
All right, here's a cigar place.
Let's see if this cigar place is still open, Dave.
You can, I don't know, tell them about cigars.
I don't know I'm smoking a joint I'm smoking a big cigar and no the thing is like with with the Dave King show I don't want to just do like conspiracy related calls you know I do fucking regular prank calls too you know yeah regular but you get so angry sometimes man you're like yelling and yelling you know no you shit man I gotta fucking upload the like I got this like loads of great bancho calls man I mean I got this fucking one guy he's like freaking out call some banchos
I have Indian restaurants
Those are bhenchod's
Let's see if they fuck around
You know I feel real bad because Dwight's been on the whole show
And he hasn't had a chance to do one call here
I don't mean anything like that
You're my co-host tonight
You're my milkman
You're my mop man
My little moppy mop
We'll get some calls
When I take a break we'll come back
And you can do calls
Fucking asshole
I'm sorry sir I'm sorry sweet is it Dave King name yeah does he believe that George Soros is
like making the marijuana more strong every year have you heard about Dave Soros behind that
I haven't looked into it but I know George Soros is into some fucked up shit
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Buckshot
Go Jerk
I was hoping it would be
I will go all the way
Another funny thing that happened
I didn't hear it when it got said to you
But I was watching one of your shows
And you were pissed off that people weren't helping you out
To get a trip back to Canada
Yeah I've just been a little pinched
Lately
Well you said you were upset that
Someone had suggested to you
That you go
Let You Go On A Campsite
Let You Go On A Campsite
Whatever campsite it was
It wasn't my free camp
It was one of them
Chatterbait
You were real upset about it
But you should look into that
You're a good looking guy
I see you with your shirt off all the time
Yeah man
I had someone invite me to live in a campsite
I thought that's what you said
To go in a fucking campsite
Scott Pong
fighting to live with her in the inner pocket and i'm like well
consumers
stockers
for
personals
I understand. This is a bhenchod.
Cafe Maharani, how may I help you?
One.
All right, one more time.
Hello?
Hello?
Yeah, hi. Wanted to make an order?
All right, can I get a name and phone number for the order?
Yeah, my name is Dave King.
Okay.
All right. My number is 259-2015. That's the local area code here, 808.
All righty.
All right. One butter chicken.
All right.
One chicken tikka masala.
Salo
Do you have papadums?
Yes we do
Alright
One of those
One bhenchod
What's that last item?
Benchod
I don't think we have that one
Are you
Are you Indian
Yourself
Or are you
Haole
I am not
No
I'm Hawaiian
Oh you're Kanaka
Yeah
You're Kanaka
That's not how you say it
But yes
Well that's what I
I'm not from here
I just moved here
You know
With my friend
Yeah
From Montreal
And we have this guy
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The
People They May Want To Talk To Dave
Kick
All Right Brother See You Man
All Right That's
No Still Still Just Take The
Headphones Off Take Them Off Just Take
It Off
What Happened Is Skype Automatically
Decided To Use The Microphone Right
From It Sounds It Sounds Like It
It sounds like you have the microphone way too close to your mouth.
It sounds, you know.
Yeah, no, and likewise.
Yeah.
Oh, and here's the thing.
In Skype, I can change, I can set the microphone to be from my webcam microphone, which is better.
Okay.
Even better than that is my microphone from my studio, which I'm not going to bother setting up right now.
No, that's not the time.
I'm just going to fucking switch right now.
All right.
All right.
There you go.
Beautiful.
There you go.
There you go, you stupid. All right, here's the Indian market. See the other microphone sounds more like a phone though, right?
You know, I mean like this one sounds like a radio like a you know, higher quality, but it's medium quality the bit the fucking
Headphone microphone is low quality, which is hello. Hi. Is this India market?
Okay, I'm gonna put my friend Dave on the phone here. All right, he's a stupid go ahead. Hey, how's it going?
Hello, what kind of food do you got there?
Hello, you want anything?
Yeah, what kind of food do you got there?
Do you got banchod sauce?
We don't have anything now.
No, why not?
What kind of fucking...
Have you got madarchod sauce and banchod sauce?
Hey.
Banchod.
Hey, ma'am, have you got a nice vagina?
Alright, nothing, nothing, nothing.
I wanted to ask if she was single.
I know. I know, buddy. I'm sorry.
Ooh, Korean voice. Let's see that.
Where do you get all this fucking music? It's all like jazzy and shit.
It's like...
Ah, you know, during the week I like to listen to various types of jazz.
And I like to inhale different types of things.
And I make a note. I write down in a book. I like this song.
Hello, this is Palamaspo Market.
Shut up.
Thank you for calling Palamaspo Market.
For English, press 1.
If you want Korean, press 2.
You know, it's funny, I thought this guy, he speaks like he's British, but he doesn't have a British accent, and then I found out you're living there.
How do I speak like I'm British? I say the word loads sometimes? I get some loads to drop?
It's the placement of the fucking, it's like the way you place fucking and everything. They do that a lot.
I actually get that from Jim Florentine I'm really influenced because I listen to fucking you know the Jim Florentine podcast every fucking morning and I'm fucking put it on it just it's just like you know just it just became part of my thing or just fucking it's sort of the cadence yeah instead of saying um I say fucking you know I don't know I just detected it it was so slight and also hey
Hey, do you ever listen to Coast to Coast AM?
Yeah, I used to a lot.
Awesome.
I don't know.
It's weird.
They started putting up a lot of their shows on YouTube,
and they got thousands of views each time they upload a video.
But the comments are enabled, but if you go to fucking leave a comment,
you can leave a comment, but it's not going to be there.
It's weird.
There's no comments, basically.
You're talking about it.
Coast to Coast
Yeah, like, I don't know if you check out the new Coast to Coast videos
Like Nori or Fart Bell?
Fucking George Nori
He's a weird goofball, man
With his fucking mustache
The old ones, sorry
What?
Yeah, the old ones are great, man
I've just been looking at the archive of the old ones
It's crazy shit, a lot of what you're talking about
Yeah, dude, like some late 90s Art Bell, man
It was so much fun
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
I'm happy it's not fucking 5.30 in the morning. That's what it is over here.
Shhh shh shh shh
No, seriously. No, no, you don't understand. It's 6 o'clock in the morning. I should be fucking sleeping, dude.
No, it's 6 o'clock in the morning.
Over here. In fucking England land.
Are you fro- fro or against Brexit?
I don't even know what it's all about, honestly. Um, believe it or not, I mean, I'm into, you know-
I'm either away from my desk or on the other line at this time.
Oh, no answer.
Please leave a detailed message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
Son's a bitch.
All right, Carl, I'm gonna drop you off. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for calling. All right, guys. It's good hearing from you
Please tell people about the show. All right, we're getting canceled because I have enough listeners. All right
Yes, spread the fucking word man. He got blocked on YouTube. What happened with that?
Complained not block. No, I don't know. I don't know what happened. I don't know someone was a being a troll a bitch
I don't know. I don't know
Call Nation Madhouse
So so yeah, that's all I got for you happened to me two times in a row
I haven't been able to live stream in six months now. I don't give a fuck
I mean, it's fuck it right, you know spend my time on other things plus, you know, we can stream live here and fucking
upload
All right, cool
Let me get back to that list of numbers from Dwight
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Please don't be a fan of the other show
Hello
Oh hey
Is Dave still there?
Yeah Dave
I wanted to talk to him
Yeah Dave's here
Go ahead
Yes I'm here bro
I gotta go to Dreamlands
But I'm still here bro
Dave your audio shit
I can't really hear you
But uh
I'm not gonna
I'm not gonna call in like the other people
And talk shit about your god theory
Um
I just
I just wanted more information on it
About what the fuck you were talking about
Cause I don't understand
What shit?
The space shit?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Prank Call Show
Closed Captioning provided by the Imperial News Network
The Earth dies, does it reincarnate?
Does it become another fucking Earth?
In another world?
The particles of the earth are going to become something else.
I don't fucking know, man.
You don't know what the particles, you know, they're not going to rematerialize like you want.
You know what I think the biggest is what I was trying to say a second ago.
The biggest disservice that the environmentalists did was they called it global warming instead of saying global instability, like weather instability.
That's what it should be called.
That's what it's really doing.
Warming is part of it, but it's really just it's mostly I think it's more of an instability in weather.
Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
L-U-M-I-N-A-T-Y
Please leave your message
I'm already a fucking dog
learned helplessness
they already got me
I'm fucked
you know you just smoke up
enjoy life do some prank calls
yeah that's all we could do
who went in the fight the Illuminati
or the Freemasons
well the Illuminati is
no longer
if you look it up
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
You wonder why they want to fucking censor the internet, you know, I mean fucking
Oh, yeah, he's not he's
My grandfather was a Freemason like I read the maha bone
Whatever the fucking book was and all I saw was like somebody getting fucking beat, you know, a couple of rituals
You know, it just kind of seems like an old man club
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prince Hall Masons
Oh shit, alright, cool
Thank you for calling X Chair
This is not your grandfather's office chair
Please press 1 to be connected
with a sales representative
Press 2 for customer service
Thank you for calling X Chair Sales
Please leave a message and a representative
will return your call as soon as possible
Falky, I don't know if I hit the right option
Shit
Yeah, caller, go ahead
You got some interesting ideas
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
All right, Carla, thanks for calling in. I'm gonna let you see if someone else wants to jump on and insult this guy. All right, I'll see you later. Bye. Thanks for calling.
I don't do shows that often enough to...
I'm gonna shave your head if I'm ever in the UK.
Shave all your hair off.
We should have Jen stop and shave some of his hair and bring it to the meeting.
Yeah.
You can, like, put my hair in, like, fucking braids.
Yeah.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call 2-8-0-8
Very good. You can type, too.
I do want to let you know, for quality purposes...
Thank you, sir.
For quality purposes, this call may be recorded and monitored.
Okay, honey. Okay, honey baby.
So with our special 30-day risk-free trial,
when you order the Inogen One portable oxygen system,
you do get free shipping.
So my role on this call is to...
Are there any chemtrail nanoparticles in the oxygen tank, man?
I liked her.
Caller, you're on the air with Dave King
on the Dave King Show.
Oh, yeah. Hi, Dave King.
What the fuck was that?
What?
About what? The call?
Dude, religious calls.
Jesus fucking shit.
What the fuck?
Oh, I don't know.
Things are happening.
Hello?
You there?
Did you hang up?
Oh, no. She's there.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
I don't care if you're religious or not. Let's just not talk about this on the fucking show.
I don't know. Someone asked about it.
Someone asked him, and he responded. He defended himself.
To ensure proper handling.
What I think about God, I think it's fucking ridiculous. I think it's retarded that God just fucking started creating shit.
What the fuck? Who created God? It's a stupid, boring question, really.
God 2
Somebody asked the question
That's why
That's a thing
Thank you for calling about the Energy One
Portable Oxygen System
My name is Jacqueline
To begin may I have your zip code please
32808
Is that Jacqueline
Yeah
Okay I'm typing that in my report
32808 is my zip code
Yeah
What kind of places are you calling now?
Call some places that Dwight and I can talk about.
Dwight doesn't like you, though.
You can do that anyway.
What do you mean he doesn't like me?
Please stop lying. Continue.
Why don't you want to talk to me? Why are you obsessed with Dwight?
I'm talking to you.
I mean, Dwight can do some calls together, you know, saying we're not coming into work.
You have a thing for Dwight.
No, I just fucking hit the line.
Hello?
Thank you for calling about the portable oxygen system.
My name is Benita.
To begin, may I have your zip code, please?
Yeah.
I'm not coming into work tomorrow.
I work at the call center.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry, you dialed the wrong number for that.
Well, I can't get through.
I've been trying to call operations, and I can't get through.
Hello?
Her name is Benita, but she's just not pretty at all.
She's an ugly soul.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cat Stop Feeding Corn At The Ducks
This Call May Be Recorded
I Don't Feed The Ducks As Much As I Want
They Don't Eat Bread God Damn It
Why Don't You Feed Them Some Meat
Throw Them Some Meatballs
Yeah Throw Them
I Have The Energen One Portable Oxygen System
My Name Is Benita
To Begin May I Have Your Zip Code Please
Yeah It's 32808 And I'm Not Coming Into Work Tomorrow
Yeah We Don't Fucking Want To Work There Anymore
It's Bullshit
Yeah We're Done
We're Done Here
Yeah We Really Call
www.fccbroadcast.com
We need to be opening and accepting for everyone.
Don't you want everyone to know the truth?
You can't say a word like that.
Thank you for calling your local Kate Walmart.
Katie says that ducks don't eat bread.
They eat bread.
So let's...
Feed them a donut.
No, wake up, dude.
You're not supposed to feed ducks bread.
For electronics, press 2.
For pickup, press 3.
It's not going to kill them.
For deli, press 4.
It's not going to kill them.
It's not going to kill them.
They're going to love it.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Sonic on 32X
Zaxxon
Zaxxon no
Zaxxon
Play the Spider-Man game
The Spider-Man game was good
On 32X?
Yeah there was a good Spider-Man game
I think it was a high
I think Mr. Clay was saying something about that
I think that was one of the few
It was a 32X CD game
It used both the CD
And the 32X at the same time
Yeah but there's no Spider-Man
on 32x
32x is a piece of
it was stupid
that was the
the end of
uh
Sega was that
call your local
Walmart
let's get more shit
to this
I look forward to the opportunity
to serve you in our store
no offense
dude Genesis was shit
alright
I just know I
for electronics
whatever
I saw that shit
for pickup
I compared the
two systems all the time
and it was always shit
to speak to an associate
press zero
repeat this
The Genesis had a faster processor, but more was made of it.
It was more of a logic processor.
It had better AI for the sports games.
That was one thing.
But the color palette, it could display, what, like 20 colors on the screen at once?
And the Super Nintendo could display 256.
And also the sound on the Super Nintendo is a lot better.
Well, it had a Sony chip in there.
The Genesis was off the fucking shelf parts.
They just cobbled together in 1989.
Motorola this and Logic Circuit that.
Oh, look, it works.
And I mean, it was a feat of engineering at the time, but it was the Super Nintendo.
I don't know how people could.
I would go to Blockbuster and they would have like, I talked over them.
I would go to blockbuster right and they would have Mortal Kombat 2 running on Genesis and on Super Nintendo and I would I would I would look out of this the Genesis one and the colors weren't as rich the sound was tinny and the control the control was because the normal controller that came with it was a three button controller it was not very forward thinking like the SNES pad was that just don't I get really pissed off people I didn't I was not a Genesis person I made fun of people that got the Genesis I hated that white track
Shining Force was really good for the Genesis Genesis was a white trash system it had a few
like a quite a lot of great titles what Sonic what else Sonic what Echo the Dolphin what else
I fucking uh you don't know okay right now because it's like six o'clock in the morning but
there's you know loads of fucking titles I can there were no there were no good RPGs
You appreciate your business and look forward to the opportunity to serve you in our store.
For pharmacy, press 1.
I was kind of pissed.
N64 has some good games.
Yeah, good first party games.
The thing about Nintendo, though, it kind of felt cringy, like childish.
Like there's a lot of childish games.
Yeah, that's sort of what the N64, for sure, it was.
And for me, though, I'm not really a sports gamer.
The fucking Sega Genesis.
Rocket League is the only sports game I like.
Sports
Soccer with Cars
I actually started playing some sports
That's the only sports game I liked
I watch it on Twitch all the time
It's fun to watch
Playing two players with
You were mentioning MAME and Arcade
You got Final Burn Alpha
I got it on mine yeah
That's the Comcast
The Capcom one
Final Burn Alpha ROM set
Holy fuck
You got Marvel vs Capcom
Madhouse Live
Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Catastrophe
Catastrophe
Catastrophe
Catastrophe
Catastrophe
See you guys
Bye
You guys genetically engineer a cat that can talk?
Who is that?
That's exactly what that was
Alright Dave you're out of here on your ass
But everyone check you out
All right, all right. It's good having you shoot the shit for a while
Smelly motherfucker you all right. That's that Dwight dude. I didn't do a prank with you man. We didn't do it
No, let's do it now. Come on. Let's do one of those calls that you do all the time where you call off sick to a
Job, it's not yours. I don't think you do. I think that's a background that does that a lot
No, I know I do those I call it drunk and tell them I come I come in there. I quit
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Sloth and I did that for
Calls of Mass Confusion and almost got
Giad caught one time
because there was a dollar general
and a family dollar right across from
each other and so we had them scrambling
back and forth across the road
because we were calling from each one
and the lady was on the phone
and we told her we were over at her
store and we were like yeah we're
in the back and we spliced into lines
and we're calling 900 numbers
and seeing shit like that and
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
No, it's not. Goodbye.
I'll call back.
Small Monday.
I'll call right back.
Hello?
Hey, you hung up on me.
Hey, quit calling. Thank you. Goodbye.
I work. You tell me quit calling. You quit calling.
Squit. Squit. Squit, I said.
Hey, what's going on?
Hey, you still here?
Oh, you're back. Hey.
Hey, pervert. How you doing?
Hey ma'am
We're doing what you requested
We want
We want
Fucking
We want to start working
We want
We need to start working there ma'am
You need a job period Dave King
I start doing those
I start doing those ones
Where I just call people
I got the job
When do I start
I've heard when you've had them all
Looking like for
Spreadsheeters
Like oh what did you say
Yeah looking for the schedule
Hey how you doing there
Listen
I'm supposed to come in on Monday
To start my training
Call Back After 7 in the morning
Dana's the trainer, she'll be here in the morning
Yeah, but I need to know when on Monday though
You do, go look, go look
Hurry up, sir
What's that?
Hurry the fuck up and look
He needs to work there on Monday
Hurry the fuck up
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
And do I have to take a drug screening test?
I'm not sure for our company.
You have to talk to our trainee for that, okay?
All right.
All right, anything else?
Do you do salads?
Say again?
Do you have salads?
I need to make an order.
Yeah, hold on one second.
Okay.
You can order.
We're going to need some ice in on that salad.
Yep.
Hi, this is Dennis.
How may I help you?
What type of salads do you have?
What type of sandwich do we have?
Oh, salad.
Salad.
Salad.
We have a regular salad, um, there's a bacon chicken cheese salad.
Bacon chicken cheese salad.
Do you have a chef salad?
A chef salad?
Chef salad.
Yeah, we have a chef salad.
Yeah, we have a salad.
Okay, I'll take one of those with a side of icing.
And bhenchod sauce.
And what?
A side of icing.
I'm sorry, sir. I'm having trouble understanding you.
Icing and a side of icing.
Icing for the salad. Icing.
Is that good?
Yes.
I'm sorry. I said what you're saying. I think yeah icing for my salad. So the salad is not dry
Yeah, I want it on the side but not not on it because I'm watching my weight
I want one. I want one side of vanilla icing for my salad. We don't have vanilla icing
What flavors do you have if you're out of vanilla? We don't have any icing
You could you put them on pancakes or waffles, whatever. Yeah, they don't put no I say you should say you want
The syrup on the dressing because they get the syrup there. Fuck. There's a buddy the elf shit. Yeah, I'm making
Some sprinkles and some syrup. I'm on the salad. You like syrup, don't you? Is there sugar and syrup? Yeah
Caller Hung Up
My intention was to let the caller through and say things.
Let's play some voicemail here real quick before we go.
Starting with obituary bitch.
Obituary guy who has an obituary.
Winston Ono Lennon, MBE, an English singer, songwriter, and peace activist who co-founded The Beatles,
the most commercially successful band in the history of popular music, died December 8, 1980.
Lennon was shot and killed by Mark David Chapman in the Archway of Dakota, his residence in New York City.
Lennon had just returned from Record Plant Studio with his wife, Yoko Ono.
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
Aw, man. Good point. Very well said. Very well stated.
Strawberry feels forever, eh? You know what I mean?
I think we have slow Elvis calling in Carlito you fat cunt what um listen to your podcast the other day I don't know man
well you can't just keep doing the same shit you know you used to be funny but what the milkman
you can keep them off he's fucked he um okay I did that that's all I think you know is fucking
everything about everything you know it's fuck all but useless information okay anyway go fuck
I don't know if that's Aussie Jack.
It was some Australian-sounding motherfucker.
Oh, that's Slow Elvis.
What's up, Slow Elvis?
Yeah.
All right, Slow Elvis.
Was that it?
That's all from Slow Elvis this time?
All right, I guess that's all from Slow Elvis.
Nothing else here?
Okay.
Well, that's all we got.
That's all we got for voicemails.
Here's one that was left during the show.
Let's take a listen to that.
Oh, it's someone talking.
Oh, my God.
You got to catch that train, man.
All right, that guy's gone.
All right, so, everyone, thanks for tuning in tonight.
I hope you guys had a good time.
I know the calls are exceptionally exceptional, but we had fun, right?
I finally got a chance to get Dave King on here to talk some stuff.
He's just been a guy on Facebook that I see here and there.
He's a fan of prank calls.
He's a conspiracy guy.
I thought it'd be fun.
I hope, you know, whatever.
I hope I didn't suck up too much of the time.
I thought it was great.
I want to thank Parkman for sending in numbers.
Big Nadia
Prank Tune In
Madhouse Live
Movie Night
Hyjinks.fun
Pranks
Hyjinks.fun
I think
It got erased on the board
And I have very bad memory
Be sure to support me on Patreon
Patreon.com
$1 membership
Gets you militia member status
Call Nation Madhouse Live
MadHouseLive.com
Madhouse Live

Comments 0

Nobody has said anything yet.

Log in to comment or to suggest fixes.