MadhouseLive

Kissing Body Your Ass

20 Apr 2019 · 2 h 12 min · 8,300 words · source

Calls (25, 1 h 25 min of 2 h 12 min)

  1. Chicago clinic IVR menu ivr 33 s clip ↓
  2. Residence voicemail message voicemail 1.1 min clip ↓
  3. Forwarded to voicemail system ivr 2.3 min clip ↓
  4. Voicemail system with 420 number ivr 1.1 min clip ↓
  5. Sales tax reminder about selling items ivr 3.1 min clip ↓
  6. Questioning about selling things in Sheffield live 20.6 min clip ↓
  7. Crystal Hotel IVR menu ivr 48 s clip ↓
  8. Rio Perez Motorin asking for ashtrays live 1.3 min clip ↓
  9. Prank call to random number with kissing demand live 8.8 min clip ↓
  10. Call Nation Madhouse Live intro ivr 48 s clip ↓
  11. Denny's order confusion live 33 s clip ↓
  12. International dialing attempt live 1.1 min clip ↓
  13. Pachinko game sale inquiry live 2.3 min clip ↓
  14. Voicemail left for Bruce voicemail 48 s clip ↓
  15. Person with day bed for sale live 4.3 min clip ↓
  16. Ohio Problem Gambling Helpline prank live 5.1 min clip ↓
  17. Secret Witness tip about stolen shoes live 5.1 min clip ↓
  18. Blue Licks Battlefield pool menu ivr 48 s clip ↓
  19. Store term rentals issue reporting ivr 1.8 min clip ↓
  20. National Abortion Federation hotline playback 5.3 min clip ↓
  21. Zappos customer service asked about a product live 5.8 min clip ↓
  22. Brendan on phone about Chicago date live 2.6 min clip ↓
  23. Great Wolf Lodge transfer to guest services live 3.8 min clip ↓
  24. Great Wolf Lodge front desk prank live 4.6 min clip ↓
  25. Pool owner asked about using pool live 1.1 min clip ↓

Transcript

What if you continue to use that language, I'll have to end this call
Before holy shit front desk
Big belly
Racism yeah, all right. Yeah, exactly. So I love racism. I will let you go. I love racism
I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito
That's my big amigo so just kick back to listen to this cat call people
When this show goes live I be like damn this shit's bitchin'
Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen
You can catch me in the back of his home at Horse Machine Ranch Road
I'm busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos
Must be crazy, shout out to Big Amy, that's nice honey baby
We kissing pussies so ladies such a labia
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Ladies and gentlemen, this is...
Hey, motherfuckers.
Thank you for calling for our Chicago address in hours one.
For Highland Park, press...
For Schlossman, press...
If you are a new qualifying patient, call...
Our Chicago clinic, located at 1443 West Belmont Avenue,
will be open from 10 to 6, Monday through Friday,
and 9 to 2 every Saturday.
To return to the previous menu, please press zero.
Oh, they're closed.
You have reached a call source number that is no longer in service. Please check the number you have dialed.
Fuckin'
You've reached residence. We're not here right now, but leave your name here.
The cross residence.
Pick up the phone, motherfucker.
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.
Okay, eventually someone will pick up. Don't worry, guys.
Hello?
Yeah, you have an iron bed frame for sale in the paper?
I do. I do.
Okay, good. I need a strong, it's strong?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I don't want to hear it.
It sounds like this.
I don't want to hear it.
Hi, this is Judy.
Please leave a message and your phone number
and I'll call you as quickly as I can.
Thank you.
At the tone, please record your message.
When you've finished recording, you may hang up
or press 1 for more options.
To leave a callback number, press 5.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Oh.
If you're satisfied with the message, press 1.
To listen to your message, press 2.
To erase and re-record, message review.
If you're satisfied with the message, press 1.
To leave the number from which you are calling, press pound.
To leave another callback number, enter the 10-digit number.
Then press pound.
Phone number 4-2-0-4-2-0-6-9-6-9
If the number is correct, press 1
To send your message with normal delivery, press 1
To send your message with urgent delivery, press 2
Thank you, your message has been sent
Alright
How y'all doing? Hope you're all having a happy 420
4-20 equals 5
I actually know it doesn't, 20-4 would
In Europe, it would be 5
20-4
America I don't know
Echo what's 4 divided by 20?
0.2
Thank you Echo
Thank you
If you want to join me today you can
The number you dialed is not a working number
405 396 6884
That's 405 39 mouth
I'm also on the YouTubes
The YouTube computers
Broadcasting on YouTube now
Watch me
Make fun of me how fat I am
Go in the chat there and call me big boy
There's a stupid right now
Hey stupid
I was just wondering what's your opinion on uh what's your opinion on let me pull up you didn't
know you didn't have something you're wondering I did I had it right here uh where is it he's
trying to shoot right oh here it is here it is fuck niggers monkeys all monkeys deserve to die
Niggar
niggars or monkeys deserve to die I'm
I'm not I'm bored with that you want my
honest opinion fast me off fuck niggars
you know they can eat a dick I hate
fuck niggas fuck niggas always be
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The state and county sales tax applies to that.
Well, it isn't exactly a move-in sale.
It's just a few articles that I have for sale.
Did you sell things?
No, I haven't sold anything yet.
You made no money?
No.
Well, I want to remind you, if you do sell anything, you have to pay 6.5% sales tax to the city.
Okay.
All right.
Well, I advertised that.
You can't bring cash.
It has to be check or money order.
Okay.
And why haven't you sold anything?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I insist I don't think so are you from Sheffield no shit you know I saw you ever see the the the made for TV movie called roots called threads threads not roots threads no they blew up Sheffield in that movie okay it was talking to my name is cross from the city machine I don't know you and I don't know who you are so we have a report that we had a report that you were selling things so we want to make sure that you pay the taxes on that
Call Nation Madhouse Live
So, $6.50.
Okay.
Okay?
Dammit, you.
I'm gonna follow up with you, alright?
Okay.
Shut up!
Elaine, shut up, okay?
Elaine, go sit, go pull your pants and panties down, stand on the toilet and push until something comes out, okay?
Alright.
That was a weird ending.
Okay!
Computer?
Why the music keeps starting and stopping?
Thank you for calling Hotel Chicago and Autograph Collection Hotel by Marriott.
To know your party's extension, you may dial up at any time during this time of week.
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Trixie Moll
Trixie Moll
So Chicago, this is Charlene speaking at me I assist you
What's your name, Charlie? Your name is Charlie?
Charlie? Charlene?
Oh that's a boy's name. Excuse me?
That's a boy's name. No that's a girl's name
and it's a really really nice name
I don't know. Hey, can you send some
ashtrays up here? Excuse me?
Can you send us some ashtrays?
No, we don't have ashtrays
I'm in the bathroom taking a shit
Okay. Okay?
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hey, you got it. Do you have do you have a do you have a staff? I got both. Nice. Do you part the water? Yes. You fart. I'd be 420. Thank you. You're welcome. All right. I wanted to talk about my girlfriend. I've been living with her for 15 years now. She's Filipino. And now I have taken on a slight Filipino accent on some of the words that I speak. Like I say, can you put it over there? And I noticed that I noticed that whenever you say words like
Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I got kind of a photographic memory I guess I don't know I'm just I know stupid facts that
aren't really important uh it's very useful for your prank calls because you confound people
whenever you talk uh one of my favorite things this this is really unrelated to um um what a
trivia in general but I thought it was funny speaking of confounding whenever you called up
that guy who was uh he sounded like an African-American and he was very effeminate I'm
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Caller
Thank you for calling Hotel Lincoln, a Joie de Vivre hotel located at 1816 North Clark Street in the vibrant Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago.
Find Us At
For All Other Inquirees Please Choose From The Following Options
To Make A New Reservation Or If You Have Questions About An Existing Reservation
Press 1
For Billing Inquiries
Press 2
For Informations On Our Parking Options
Press 3
For Information Regarding Our Dining Options
J. Parker, The Kennison And Elaine's Coffee Call
Press 4
To Reach A Specific Department
Press 5
For all other questions, please stay on the line and someone will be with you shortly.
Let's go, let's go!
Yeah, what is this exactly?
It's a hotel in Chicago.
Hotel.
Please stay on the line while your call is transferred to the operator.
It's where people stay for the night.
Oh man, I accidentally just mixed Sprite and Coke Zero. Gross.
I love Coke Zero.
I got some cherry Coke Zero. It's hard to find, you know.
We have vanilla Coke Zero up here.
Yeah, they have an orange vanilla down here now.
What's up, Lincoln? This is Chris. How may I assist you?
Hey, how you doing, Chris?
Good, how are you?
Good, I'd like to see if you could send some ashtrays up here.
Ashtrays?
Yes.
To where?
To 227.
That's not a room number.
1227.
That's still not a room number.
How do your room numbers go?
I don't know what a room number is.
I guess, I don't know.
I didn't memorize it.
There's no smoking in the hotel anyway, so.
Well, I saw there was no tobacco smoking on the internet, online, when I looked.
Yeah, and there's no smoking at all.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Um, let's see, I think it was Bingo or something like that.
She just happened to live in the same room.
Uh, the Bingo chat.
Oh my god, damn right.
Bingo chat, alright.
Bingo chat, alright.
Super cute, man.
Yeah, I used to hang out in the Yahoo chat back in 97 and stuff.
I used to troll it a lot.
That's why I don't get too mad at people who troll, like, chat rooms that I'm in,
because it's like, I troll chat rooms.
It's one of my favorite hobbies.
I can't hate.
I can't imagine, it's been so long since I've been in a chat room at all.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
What do you think they do for smoke removal?
They light some incense.
They probably spray some Lysol.
Oh, $200.
I've got to find a more dingy area of Illinois to call.
Get some Indians.
Indians.
Thank you for calling Hotel Chicago.
What's up?
Hi.
How you doing?
Hello.
Hey, how do we deactivate the fire alarm?
What floor are you on?
Say what now?
What floor are you on?
Fourth.
Is it on the fourth floor or is it coming out of your room?
Our room.
We want to turn it off because we're smoking in here.
I'm sorry?
We're smoking in here.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
427
I don't know how serious they're doing.
Alright, this hotel's in Compton.
I'm changing to Compton on the map.
Looking for hotels.
Let's see if this is a little funny.
We weigh down a bunch of bowls of vinegar.
That seems to help with the smell.
Really?
Really?
Bowls of vinegar?
What do you do with the vinegar?
You just leave it out.
It just absorbs and neutralizes odors.
You're lying.
No, I'm pretty sure.
Oh, I do it.
And it seems to work.
Nobody's ever complained.
I live in a condo so It makes it smell like vinegar
Vinegar doesn't smell like anything after it evaporates so you can kind of spray it anywhere
Okay, smart guy, alright
Thank you for calling Crystal Hotel
When you stay here, you stay with us
For fund us and general information, please press 0
For Chinese, please press 1
Now go on to An Yi
For Chinese? What?
Answer your fucking
The Chinese are more industrious than this
Does your wife call you Momo?
She calls me An Yi
She doesn't say Momo instead of Moses?
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
The Normal Way Sonata C-Section
No, I came out
all natural.
Vaginally.
That's the word. That's why I called you. You're the guy
with all the knowledge, man. It's amazing how
I'll buy a comeback.
Oh, no. I've been dialing a few.
Thank you for calling Rio Perez Motorin.
If you know your party's doing great,
please dial it now.
Dial 0 for front desk.
I know some new Indian phrases.
I will test them out now.
Oh, awesome, man. I can't wait to hear.
I've learned all my Indian phrases from you.
All the important ones.
Yeah, pretty much.
Yes, Vram Vram, sir.
Namishka.
Namaskar.
Namaskar, Vram Vram.
Hi.
We need...
Yeah.
Yeah, we need ashtrays, please.
Ashtray.
We need ashtray.
You need ashtray or me need ashtray?
I need ashtray.
In the room.
In the room, we need ashtray.
There's nowhere to put ashes.
We're smoking marijuana.
We're smoking bang.
Okay.
What do you want to say?
I want ashtray.
Ask for Ash Trey in my room. I want four Ash Trey's. What room? Sasta Bend. Room 14. 14. Hey, Pagal. Pagal. Pagal. Room 14, Ash Trey, now. Bring your sister. Bring, bring, uh, Bendy. My dear, hello, sir. Dear sir, hello. Yeah. Bring Ash Trey to room, please. Please bring Ash Trey to room. You need to calm down. Why? You come to us. We're the guests. Yeah. We're calling the shots. We're calling the shots. You bring to us.
Well, you understand your own, I guess.
I guess.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Who is this?
My name is Sanjay.
Okay.
Okay.
Can I have bhenchod?
Bhenchod?
I think you have the wrong number.
No, no.
Is sister here?
You are sister, right?
Yeah.
You are the sister?
Yeah.
Brother tell me call you for kissing.
What?
Your brother told me to call you for make kissing.
Kissing?
Kissing.
Kissing.
Why do you wanna kiss me?
Black
Kissing Body
Kissing Body
Your Ass
That's part of the body
Yeah
What
Ah Big Mo
You missed a
You missed a good call
I'm sorry
Oh not at all man
I'm a guest in your home
I just want to be respectful to you
That's all
That's my fault
I hope you have a great rest of your
Calls today man
Alright Momo
Can I let you go
Open
Let you go Momo
I will
Absolutely
Thank you so much again Carlito
I wish you all the best
For the rest of your weekend
Hey thanks man
You too
To you and yours
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
What?
What?
What?
What?
What is wrong with you?
Who is my brother?
I don't have any brother, okay?
So stop calling
If you want to order something, you can order it
I want kissing!
Give me one second
Okay
Okay. She needs to go somewhere to yell at me, of course.
Namashka.
What?
Namashka.
Hey, I'm calling for pretty girl to kiss, for kissing pretty girl.
I'm calling for kissing to pretty girl.
I don't have wife.
Why don't you kiss your wife?
I don't have wife.
You don't have wife, go find it.
I make you wife, I make you very happy.
I make you very happy.
Hello, thanks for calling.
weil die Easter egg is red?
Namaskar
I have no idea why
coz they hurt when they come out
No tomorrow is Palm Sunday
Yes it is, Jesus is gonna come in on the ass
On the ass and he brings water
He delivers water
Jesus is delivering water man
Yea well tomorrow is Palm Sunday
for you Greeks
That's it
Yea
How are you doing big legend
Oops
Sorry I had you on hold
How are you doing there big legend
I'm doing okay how are you big guy
Hello sir
Namaskar
Namaskar
Hi I'm calling for
Pretty girl
No this is Indian restaurant
I like Indian man I want to put a wig on you
Long hair
And kissing you
Oh
They're hard
Yeah hi
Oh yeah okay
I should reply
It's fine
Hello, Indian Shahidahaba?
Yes.
Namaskar.
Really? I'm just saying hi.
His phone connection sucks.
Fucking.
Hello.
Hello.
Namaskar.
May I make an order, please?
Good, sir.
To you.
Okay.
One butter chicken
Do you have soup?
Hot soup with chicken
The chicken soup that's very hot
Do you have the lentil beans?
I have the pakabal
What's it called?
Pakabal
I want to pee in it
I want to pee in it
You want to pee in it?
Okay
I'm going to shake it up and I'm going to give it to you to eat
I want you to eat it after I pee in it.
I want to pee on all the food and eat it.
And we eat it, okay?
Okay, do you have sister?
Can you bring lovely sister to me?
Hey, stupid monkey, come on.
Come on, I said lovely sister.
I want to pee in the food.
You don't have anything to say?
I want you to have a reaction.
What if I pull out my penis there in the restaurant and pee inside the food?
You're not going to have a reaction?
No, when you get are you gonna get an erection? Is that why you don't care?
Because I don't like Indian people I don't like Indian food
Okay, do you wash your hands well, I try okay, bye
Week that's
I was asking if you're going to be in Chicago are you in around Chicago still are you going to be at the next meetup
I hope so I sure hope so
You need to check on Matt Hillcox
Yeah you may serve me that's how I like girls to say
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The
Real
Horta
Not Spinach
You're Doing The Real
Dandelions
Did You Pick Them Yourself From Roadside
Side Of The Road
No No
We Have An International Market On Every Corner Here
So They Sell Them
Nice
You Can Get Really Hot
Yeah
Big Ones
Dandelions You Can Get Really Hot
I Don't Know If You Ferment Them Yes
It'll Make Your Dick Big
Dandelion
Yeah
They're Not Weeds
They're Edible
Every Part Of It's Edible
How Do You Make Horta
You Take Dandelions
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
One eggs?
Yes.
So would you like two or four eggs?
How do they come?
They come by the dozen, right?
No, this is Denny's.
Exactly.
I want one eggs.
So we have the build your own slam.
You could pick any four items.
Oh, Q-boop.
Yeah, I can't hear any of those signals.
No B-boop, no rings, no nothing.
Nothing?
Yeah, that's what I heard last week.
Dom the bomb from the stupid foam brothers.
I miss the old hang up song
that would sound the
four chimes
I forgot that was Voxox
that old program
stopped working
they just abandoned their Windows client
and went all mobile
well fuck me
thank you sir
thanks for joining I know it was boring
sorry I should engage more with you guys
no you're not boring
Call Nation Madhouse Live
di
took 26
history
yesterday
were the stupid people are
ok I'm gonnaierra
I want to make an order. Okay. Namaskar. Okay. One order of eggs. Okay. One eggs. Okay. That's it. That's it. That's it. One eggs. Okay. Okay. All right. Bye. Hey, you stupid fart. Why don't you? Damn it.
There we go. I forgot how to do international dialing again.
I'll do it again.
I always forget when I want to do international calls how to dial the international shit.
Let's see what I'm calling from.
Brought to play with pentagrams and a vagina Like the exorcist that they gave birth to my seeds I beg for God's help Why they love hurting me I'm your disciple, a thug certainly I'm the N, the A to the S-I-R If I wasn't, I must have been Escobar Just a minute while I try to get instructions on how to do this correctly
Yeah, that's exactly how I dialed it, you piece of shit.
It just says forbidden.
Shit.
That's the configuration error on my part, on my PBX.
I gotta fix that.
Damn it, I had a good idea.
There was rioting in France today.
Protests.
I was gonna complain about it.
I was gonna talk about the church the Notre Dame. Oh, well, not anymore ain't some induction timing light for sale
Pachinko Japanese Game for Sale
No, I was trying to call again.
Hi, this is Bruce. Leave a message.
I was caught in my dream.
You have finished recording. You may hang up or press 1 for more options.
Fucker!
If you are satisfied with your message, press 1 to listen to your message.
Press 2 to erase and re-record.
Press 3 to continue recording where you left off.
Press 4 to send your message with normal delivery.
Shut up.
Chicken plucker and scolder for sale.
Let's kill some chicken.
Aww man.
I have a good idea for this.
Well, so much for that. I was gonna kill some chickens.
They ain't gonna happen now.
Hello? Hello? Hello?
Hello?
Their answering machine's a piece of shit.
Okay, someone's got a day bed for sale.
Parkman Numbers
Hello Carlito!
Hey Pendejo!
Mama Huevos Chupa Pingas!
Is this Dino? You kinda sound like Dino.
Yeah bro what's going on?
Hey I'm alright how you been? Is Syndicate coming back together again?
You're always like Syndicate's coming back!
Yeah, yeah, we're finally there.
I've been working on it, man.
You've been coming back for two years, pendejo.
Jesus.
Yeah, but now we're doing it.
July 4th, we're relaunching.
Fuck yeah, man.
Hell yeah.
Did you leave Florida?
Did you leave Florida already?
Yeah, I had to, man.
Actually, it was too hot over there.
You know, it sucked.
You know, I left Florida right when you moved in.
That's what sucks.
We could have hung out, but I literally just left Florida, moved up here to Pennsylvania
when you moved down there.
You were in the same town.
You were like right there.
Where in the hell are you?
Huh?
P.A. Central PA
By Lancaster
My son just bought a house out there
After the show give me a call
You got my number on your call ID
Call me I got the same number
Alright I probably still got you my phone somewhere
So how you been big guy
Good good man
So what's up man who you calling right now
Boat for sale if they pick up no one's picking up off this list trying to get
my boat on you can help out we'll be gangsters yeah it's good to talk to you
do you know your call yeah I miss those days you know won't be when we would be
doing those shows and shit all the good old days I remember Rev and Zola on the
network too man it was a good old days bro yeah I remember the whole Lego thing
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah I heard some shit about that
Heather was telling me all about that
A lot of people pass them back in the days
Remember that raunch fox
Oh yeah raunch fox is gone
Yeah that's right
And in the Howard Stern world everybody died
Remember Henry Hill used to do shows
Yeah Henry Hill died
Charlie Pato
The midget
Eric died yeah
Hump in the bed
Yeah man I don't like Howard anymore
So I had enough because he started talking shit about podcasters.
And I was like, you know what?
Fuck you, Howard.
And you know, I stopped listening to Howard.
You know how big the shit was all about that.
Yeah.
After Artie left, bro, the station got watered down.
I know.
Yeah.
I think that's changed.
That horse face bitch jumped on the scene and forget it.
But he went mainstream, you know?
Yep.
I just don't like the back and forth, you know, that kept going on with Howard and
Artie.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The One Comic
The One Dude
is pretty funny.
Jim Norton's hilarious, dude.
He's awesome.
Yeah, yeah.
He's doing a podcast now.
Everyone's got a podcast.
Yeah, man.
Remember the Sinica days?
We were like the first ones doing it.
And we were on the line
making that work.
And now everybody
Every comedian
needs to do a podcast now.
It's the only way to stay out
and keep your name out there
and shit.
Yeah, it's crazy, though.
That's what I'm saying.
I want to take it back to basics.
So I was hoping you were going to
Madhouse Live
I definitely you know I'm gay for all that shit yeah I'm trying to get a syndicate door because we got all these you know I got all these pro comics now these guys are really good like Bob Levy George Gallo um um Tony Randolph he's fucking he's funny as fuck and Breschetti's coming back to syndicate he's gonna start doing a podcast again
Joey Diaz I don't know maybe he'd do it well no Joey Diaz he does his own stuff the guy is funny
though yeah I know it's a Spanish cat yeah I used to be with Joe Logan yep and and it's crazy when
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm back, I'm back, I'm back Whenever I connect the number, it puts you on hold and you hear like hold music That's what's going on I know, it confuses everybody, my bad Oh, she picked up and hung up She picked up and hung up Yeah, that bitch was rude Yep Alright, we're gonna call a gambling casino hotline Thank you for calling the Ohio Problem Gambling Hotline That right there If you or someone you know is experiencing a problem related to gambling Please hold for assistance from the next available specialist We are interested in your feedback Would you be willing to have us call you back within a few minutes after the call?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hello? Who's this? Who am I speaking with?
Hello? Who am I speaking to?
This is the Problem Gambling Helpline of Ohio.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Tell them I'm good for it.
Oh, man.
She's gone.
She's gone.
She's gone.
That's a gambling problem.
Thank you for calling the Ohio Problem Gambling Helpline.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a problem related to gambling,
please hold for assistance from the next available specialist.
It's a problem with gambling, all right.
We are interested in your feedback.
Would you be willing to have us call you back within a few minutes after the call
to answer three brief questions about your experience today?
Please press 1 if you would like to provide feedback.
Press 2 if you do not wish to provide feedback.
Dino hung up
I lost Dino
yeah Dino's
he's if you could just
I have a gambling issue
I thought you were there to help out
with the gambling problems
can you guys wire me some funds
The
One you're not any help at all. You're not helping my gambling problem at all. This guy's he's holding a baseball bat right now
you understand and then so I'm suggesting that you call the police하게
He's Dominican there. This is a serious helpline
We linked people with addiction counseling services if that's not what you're needing
If you're needing the police you can call 9-1-1. That doesn't help me at all
All right, that's going to pretend to be police.
Thank you for calling Secret Witness.
To continue in Spanish, press 2 now.
With Secret Witness, you can anonymously earn cash rewards for providing information that leads to the arrest and prosecution of a crime.
If this is an emergency, please hang up and dial 911.
Otherwise, please remain on the line and your call will be answered momentarily.
Well, I just went to Walmart and I tried on a pair of shoes and I walked out with them.
Okay, um, let's see, you might want to try contacting them or maybe going back over there perhaps to rectify.
Well, I'm just afraid they're going to be mad, you know.
Well, you know, honestly, I've done the same thing myself with, uh...
You stole two?
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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You keep the cut of the reward, is that what it is?
Yeah, yeah, we usually, like, if we get a tip, we'll give a reference number,
and then, yeah, depending on arrests and convictions and things like that,
then the rewards come into play.
So you get a portion of reward, really? Damn.
We don't, but, yeah, we've got to wait and see what the outcomes are usually, I believe.
Okay.
Vaginosis.
All right.
Vaginosis.
Right.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
When I Come Back More Attempted Prank Calls More Attempts At Prank Calls And They Will Succeed We Will All Succeed Together
More Of Your Calls At 405-3966-884
You Can Call In But Don't Call In Now Because I'm Taking A Break
So 405-3966-884 I Got Time For One More Call I Can Hold My Pee Pee For A Little Bit
I believe there is no Dwight McClanahan tonight.
This is all you get from Prank Calls today.
Dwight, the janitor, will not be doing a show because it's his birthday.
Apparently he can't do a show on his birthday even though I can every year.
He was calling in earlier.
Oh, I've got to put him on Skype, and I will.
I got distracted with my...
Thanks for following Blue Licks Battlefield State Resort Park.
It will be our pleasure to assist you.
Please choose from the following menu for Lodge and Cottage Reservations
Please press one for group sales catering and then plan
For hidden waters restaurant, please press three for the pool, please press four
How can I help you is this the pool no it is not the pools not open yet. Oh, I need to pee. I'm sorry
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Parking lot
Okay
I'm high off of splits
And the rest
Can't fuck
Fuck with me, the devil's son of law, king of the underground, my name is...
Thank you for calling my mom in a conference place, would you like to make a reservation?
No, I'm calling the front desk.
Yes, this is the front desk.
Shit, damn it. Uh, is the pool open?
Yes, it is.
Alright, good, because I have to pee.
Right.
Alright, I said I was gonna take a break, motherfuckers, leave me alone.
Alright, everyone, if you're on YouTube, you're gonna have to listen to silence.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hey Dwight, what's going on?
I'm masturbating.
Good.
Let's hear it for Masturbating Dwight.
Why do you still have a Christmas-themed Skype avatar?
I don't get it.
I don't know.
I fucked one.
It's a Santa Claus with two candy canes.
You gotta change that shit, man.
A crazy guy?
Yeah.
Yeah, you gotta get an Easter bunny.
I'll do it.
I don't have an Easter bunny for Nick Caesar.
Come on, Nick.
Get on it, man.
Motherfucker.
I don't have an Easter Dwight.
Call 9-1-1
store term rentals
press 2 to report an issue related to a specific property you will need to know its full address
if you do not know the address of the property you are calling about please hang up now and
call back when you have the address after the call we may want to follow up with you
to ensure that the issue has been resolved please press 1 if you are ok with sharing
your name and phone number your information will not be shared with your neighbors or
anyone else press 2 to remain anonymous so we can not
VoiceOver
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The issue has been resolved. Please press 1 if you are okay with sharing your name and phone number. Your information will not be shared with your neighbor or anyone else. Press 2 to remain anonymous.
Okay, no problem. 2. Report a news and such, as a noise, parking, or trash issue. Press 1.
2. What best describes the issue you are reporting? Press 1 to report a loud party. Press 2 to find out.
Okay, after this call, we will attempt to call the person responsible for this property.
MadHelloc Drug House
Matt Hillock Drug House
Matt Hillock
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
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Work is for Suckers
www.womenshealth.gov
This is the federal resource for women's health information, including the National Breastfeeding Helpline.
We can help by referring you to online publications or health organizations.
If you need specific medical advice, talk with your doctor or nurse.
For quality assurance and training purposes, this call may be monitored or recorded.
Please listen to the following options before making your selection.
This service is now closed, but your call is very important to us.
Our regular hours of operation are Monday through Friday.
I need help with breasts.
Women's health doesn't matter except for Monday through Friday.
Was it the awe bra I kept calling and saying stuff about breasts?
Well, they're so confusing, you've got to get clarification.
You have reached the National Abortion Federation hotline.
The hotline is currently closed.
Please call back during their regular hours of operation.
Abortion hotline.
Yep.
Fuck you if you want an abortion on a weekend.
You just passed the fucking cutoff line.
You're now having a baby.
You can wait a few days.
It's all right.
Call Dwight
I'm out of numbers. I don't know what to do.
You should just start making up numbers.
Or go out and do new numbers. They just won't go anywhere if it don't work.
I'll just play a ringing sound tone and say they're new new numbers. Like that.
He's not that stupid. He's not stupid.
Energy drinks and PTSD.
TV says military concerns, energy drinks and PTSD.
Good.
Do energy drinks affect PTSD?
F5 Thanks and have a great day
Joke of the day
I don't drink that shit
Concerned about how aging drinks affect
What do you call a rabbit
With fleas
Bugs bunny
This is not the
Fucking racist shit over there
Thank you for calling Zappos
My name is Jordan how can I help you
That's a boy's name
Why do you have it
Do you have a penis
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Manos
Daba
One 123
one 12 beautiful
no
two
one
one
three
Call Nation Madhouse Live
It's a totally serious one. I'm not making it up.
Let me go ahead and get into your account. What's your email address?
I don't have an account yet.
Alright, let's go ahead and set one up. It's totally free. What's your email address?
It's aryanwhite at triple k dot com.
Can you spell that?
A-R-Y-A-N-W-H-I-T-E at triple k dot com.
I don't think that's a real email address.
It is.
Do you want to try again?
No, that's my email address.
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
What's the same trick?
I love when you start ordering them around.
If you're going to text me...
Shut up.
Thanks for allowing our customer loyalty team to put a little Zappos in your day.
For quality assurance, this call may be monitored or recorded.
We'll be getting you to a team member shortly.
In the meantime, if you'd like to hear the joke of the day, please press 5.
Thanks, and have a great day.
Para español, por favor presione 2.
Look at your life and just rewind and know that...
Thank you for calling Zappos.com.
My name is Devin. How can I help you today? Hey boy, I need you to look up a SKU number for me, please. Okay
What's the SKU number 9 1 2 1 2 1 2? Okay, and what do you have there?
I have a women's delight tech guys. All right. Yeah, and it has a picture of a woman in the in the thong underwear
Yep, what do you think about that? How look at her legs? She got nice legs, right?
So are you looking at ordering these or I want to order her? Okay
Okay is he going to come back?
You can almost make out the shape of her vagina.
Hey man I'm going to go ahead and disconnect the call now okay?
Okay do you you have a way of
Have a wonderful day man.
Her vagina?
Vagina?
Nah.
These are uptight people god.
I tell ya...
What's the big deal, said vagina?
Ooo we all come up from one.
Most of us unless you're a C-section.
Then you spend the rest of your life trying to go back in one.
Were you born vaginally there Dwight or were you a C-section baby?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Madhouse Live
What's up to the YouTube chat a lot of people and not a lot of people is a good number of people in there
Thank you
Let me check out the super chats and see if there's anyone I owe a shout out for which I believe I do
Amber Corwin donated. Thank you. That's a girl's name
Big face face 864 from the a-team sitting glad to see you back. All right. Thank you
And that's all for a super chat. Thank you for your support YouTube. I appreciate it
Now who can I call?
I might have Howard's number again.
Really? From Honolulu? Howard?
Yeah, crazy Howard.
Hello, caller. You're on the air.
Hey, Carlito. It's Brendan.
Big Brendan. What's up?
Brendan, yeah. I'm actually on the road right now heading into Chicago.
Nerd.
We've been talking about the Chicago meetup, so...
Nerd.
I know.
Nerd.
I'm heading in for a date, actually.
All right. Big date.
With pretty girl? Pretty boy? Pretty girl? Something?
Well, a boy. But, yeah.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
No, I didn't have to deal with that.
Okay, good, good.
Glad you didn't do that.
All right, cool.
You usually send me funny numbers in Chicago and whatnot.
Yeah, I know.
Well, I'm usually drunk when I'm sending you numbers because it's Friday night.
But you can't drink now.
You're driving, you know?
Well, I actually just had one beer just to calm my nerves a little bit, but I'm good.
Okay.
Well, good luck on your date tonight, your gay date.
Yeah.
All right.
Be careful.
All right.
Hey listen don't drink uh if he orders you a drink you know be careful that he doesn't put
something in it i know when you go to the bathroom yeah if you go to if you go to the
bathroom you come back don't drink the drink get a new one he could be trying to take advantage
all right okay all right bye buddy well no i'll see you in september by the way i'll see you in
september in chicago yeah all right you got it buddy yeah all right all right we'll give each
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Let's call our friend Honolulu Chow Howard.
So no show tonight, Dwight? Really?
I'm doing a show, Ian. I'm up.
You said you weren't going to do one because it was your birthday last week.
I said I was thinking about it.
I wish you weren't a liar.
Well, you're a trick.
Happy birthday, Dwight, by the way.
Hello?
Ask tomorrow.
855-15959 is not available.
I'm saying that my microphone gain is too high.
It's distorted.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm working on it, man. I'm losing weight. I'm down five pounds. I'm doing good. I got to. I got to live.
Doctor said I'm going to die if I don't.
You should have told him he's going to die if he says it again.
It's a she, first of all.
Oh, even better.
How rude of you.
Start to get back in the kitchen.
Whatever.
She was doing this really weird thing. She was talking to me and she kept rubbing her thighs. I'm not joking.
Shit.
While she was talking to me, she would rub her thigh. I'm like, why is she doing that?
I'm like, is she doing that right now?
Oh my god
Yeah cause I'm such a catch I'm so hot
Yeah you are
You sleep on your stomach
I know
I'm gonna take a picture
A compromising picture of you next meetup
So we're gonna have an
We're gonna have an Airbnb
A drug Airbnb
Next time
We got a nice Airbnb
The one that we got
Reserved for this go around
Looks nice
Does it have a pool?
No but it's got the man cave and shit
In the basement
Can't we get like a hot tub or something you know?
I wish dude
I looked at a few
That had pools
And it was like
Call Nation Madhouse Live
rbiz 10 Seconds Leap oath
Women totally appreciate getting their heads held down, guys.
I wanna see it!
Next meetup we should just go to a random hotel with a pool, and just say we're guests
and just go get in the pool.
Yeah what do you think I'll do about it?
Getツout?
Zuz jump in.
If they try to kick me out I'll just take a shiet right there in the water like KRRRRRRRRR
Like that.
This is me in the pool.
Oh yeah, I love that smell.
You're partial to that smell.
I wanna bottle it just so I can have it when you're gone.
I know the apartments I used to live in they'd always catch people in there who weren't supposed
to be in the pool.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
The Great Wolf Lodge is interested in your feedback on how we can provide the best service to you.
The Great Wolf.
Are you willing to get a call back within a few minutes after your call?
No.
To answer four questions.
Okay, I understand.
Thank you for calling Great Wolf Lodge.
The call may be recorded for quality assurance.
My name is Willow.
It's a busy period and hold times are longer than usual.
Oh, man.
Willow has a heavy flow.
I understand complete sentences. How can I help you today? You stupid fucking bitch front desk. If you continue to use that language, I'll have to end this call.
I've never gotten that from a bot before. Holy shit. Front desk. Let me get you to the lodge. Please hold while I transfer your call. I've never gotten that response back from a bot. Holy shit.
Thank you for calling Great Wolf Lodge, Cincinnati, Mason.
If you know your party's extension, you may dial it at any time.
To be connected with a guest suite, please dial the suite number.
For reservation, that's one.
That entry was not valid.
That entry was not valid.
That entry was not valid.
Oh, man.
Thank you for calling Great Wolf Lodge in Mason, Ohio.
Please hold an account.
Guest services, this is Stuffy.
How may I help you?
What's your name, Stuffy?
Puffy
Stephanie
Is that because you're stuffed like a you're kind of fat chunky puffy?
Hi Puffy
Excuse me
Are you Puffy?
Is that your name?
My name is Stephanie
Okay that's a fat girl's name.
Um can you can we get some
I'm sorry sir
I'm sorry sir but that is really rude to say and I
I'm just making an observation hey look the facts are the facts okay?
Give me one second
Okay
She's totally getting somebody else on the line now
Big David with a super chat
Are you still doing stand-up? You're a silly boy
Well, thank you. I'm a silly boy
Thanks, David. Yes, I'm still doing stand-up
Solely but surely
It's not that easy
Akspa says Miriam says she's moist again
and needs my help
Alright, Akspa
Jack Heliquin says yeah, Madhouse, yeah
Scary clown, Jack Heliquin
checking in. Satanic clown
and is last name donated also no message given what's magic quest I'll
play that Stephanie didn't oh my gosh this guy call me fat we're on hold with
the hotel Stephanie who's a big girl April plumbing says stuffy is guaranteed
a big girl I agree big stuffy big belly Steffi where'd she go she go to the cry
closet the cry closet I think so yeah I was just big talk big
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm here.
24 to 8, 24 to 8.
You said you needed to ask straight to 2027.
I have one right up for you.
Alright let's go, let's go.
Let's go big girl.
Damn it I'm gonna take one.
Big fat faith.
I hope Big Belly stuff is gonna come on up here.
Big Belly stuffy.
Wait, please don't come up here.
You can hear Stephanie bitching in the background.
To continue in English press 1.
Para continuar en español.
Now I know how the room's gone.
Great Wolf Lodge is interested in your feedback
on how we can provide the best service to you okay I understand thank you for calling great
wolf lodge this call may be recorded for quality assurance transfer me to my room big bitch period
and hold times are longer than usual transfer me to a fucking room at great wolf.com I can help
with reservations upcoming stays and any questions I understand complete sentences how can I help you
You fuckin' bitch, transfer me to a room.
One moment, please.
I can help you make a reservation.
First, I'll get a few details about your stay.
Transfer me to a room, motherfucker.
Front desk.
Front desk.
Let's get started. Do you want to stay
at Great Wolf Lodge Mason?
No.
Oh, shut up.
I wanna talk to that room, 2027.
Thank you for calling Great Wolf Lodge.
To continue in English,
There's one for you.
This is a great service to you.
Are you willing to get a call back within a few minutes after your call to answer four
questions?
Smile Your Hand, Thrill Your Teeth in a Old-Time Mood
I understand.
Fantastic.
My name is Willow, it's a busy period and hold times are longer than usual.
Front Desk
Front Desk on you
Front Desk
When I said Front Desk before, it gave me the option to transfer
Thank you for calling Great Wolf Lodge, Cincinnati Mason
If you know your party's extension, you may dial it at any time
To be connected with a guest suite, please dial the suite number
member
That entry was not valid
that entry was not valid
That entry was not valid
We're sorry you're having trouble
Please hold
Welcome to the Great Wolf Lodge in Mason Ohio
This is Andrew how may I help you?
Is Big Belly there?
My apologies?
Is Big Belly Steffi there?
Is Big Belly Steffi there?
Uh I uh Stephanie is not
oh wait no there is
Do you mean Stephanie at the front desk?
Yeah, with the big belly.
Yeah, she's there.
Yeah, put her on.
Okay, hang on real quick.
Are you okay if I put you on hold for now?
Yeah.
Bye, effeminate man.
Bye, effeminate Andre.
Yeah, fucking Andrea there picking up.
You're being rude and disrespectful on this.
I'm going to find out what your room number is.
I'm going to ask the security to take you off property.
Big belly.
Holy shit.
Dude.
Do you think that the guy that you talked to actually went over to her and called her Big Belly Steffi?
Hey, Big Belly Steffi, someone wants to talk to you.
Yeah, I guess.
Oh, my God.
Oh, boy.
All right.
That's enough of the Great Wolf.
That's a fun place.
I got to make a note of that place.
Back to the Matt.
Great Wolfs.
Okay, Mouse, cooperate.
Thank you.
Good and disrespectful.
Yeah, that's the whole point of this show.
Motherfucker.
That's what we do.
Closed Captioning by Kris Brandhagen. brandhagen.com
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Both
Ashtrays
No we don't have any ashtrays
Okay
Hey you're pretty nice
Thank you
Alright
What do you smell like?
Don't worry about it
Okay
Do you have a pool?
Here?
Yep
Can we use it is it open?
Yep
It's open until 10
Alright
Homer
Alright so I need to pee
That's good
That means things are moving
Fucking
Okay
You there lady?
Okay
The pool's open so we can pee
Stop it!
Stop!
Alright look I gotta go
I gotta go beat my dog lady alright?
Homer!
Stop pulling cables
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Prank Call Nation
Thank you for those who bothered to pick up and bothered to play with us.
It was really nice of them to do that, if you ask me.
I'm fixing this. Set it off.
I'll be back next Friday, the 26th, for another show.
See you later.
Jack Halquin said, I gotta put the dog in a closet and slap the door.
Why would I do that to Homer? Poor Homer, no.
I'm not talking to you, Echo, you whore.
Alright, see you guys next week. Bye.
Talkin' Talkin'

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