Operation Wolf
27 Apr 2019 · 2 h 7 min · 8,909 words · source
Calls (24, 1 h 4 min of 2 h 7 min)
- Starbucks Reserve Roastery menu live 1.3 min clip ↓
- Amazon customer service refund request live 1.8 min clip ↓
- Carpenter's helper prank call live 2.3 min clip ↓
- Prank call to Brendan on hold live 4.6 min clip ↓
- Goodwill asked about homeless people live 1.3 min clip ↓
- Guitar Center asked about chowder live 2.3 min clip ↓
- Madhouse Radio host confused on phone live 3.6 min clip ↓
- Arizona Biltmore toilet sheet issue ivr 9.6 min clip ↓
- Trying to flush sheets down toilet live 4.3 min clip ↓
- Voicemail from flopped dick caller voicemail 1.8 min clip ↓
- Dollar Tree manager angry about cologne delivery ivr 7.8 min clip ↓
- Fairvilla Megastore automated menu ivr 2.3 min clip ↓
- Caller harasses Dwight about penis live 4.1 min clip ↓
- Caller claims wallet stolen by woman live 3.8 min clip ↓
- Indian shop asked about sister price live 1.1 min clip ↓
- Caller confused with previous call live 1.8 min clip ↓
- Vegetarian restaurant asked about prime rib live 33 s clip ↓
- Fear Authority asked about Joey live 33 s clip ↓
- Times Square Popeyes asked about chicken spaces live 48 s clip ↓
- Cross order confirmation at 38th Street live 1.6 min clip ↓
- Red Roof Inn automated menu ivr 1.6 min clip ↓
- Madhouse Live prank call playback playback 2.3 min clip ↓
- Calling apartment service about one-bedroom live 1.8 min clip ↓
- Horse pasture for porn film live 2.1 min clip ↓
Transcript
I don't know why you're being so rude.
Because this keeps happening.
Okay, it's not our fault.
Yeah, I mean, they're going to be your best bet.
Stupid ignorant.
Okay, all right, thank you.
Bye, stupid ignorant.
Okay, bye.
I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live.
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito.
That's my big amigo, so just kick back to listen to this cat call.
People, when this show goes live, I'll be like, damn, this shit's bitchin'.
Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen.
You Can Catch Me In The Back Of His Home At Horse Machine Ranch Room I'm Busting Mad Fat Flows For Assholes And Banchos My Spit Crazy Shout Out To Big Amy That's Nice Honey Baby We Kiss And Pussy So Ladies Such A Labia It's Crazy Have The Stuff That My Bruh Might Say To Ya Face It Cause It's The Number One Prank Cast Stay Back If You Can't Handle All The Straight Laughs That We Hand To Your Dome And If You Want Call The Number You Can Listen To This Show On The Go Big Up To The Man In The Madhouse
Show love, just stick your motherfuckin' hands up
Some come close, but they can't get it right
Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live
Speak up to the man in the madhouse
Show love, just stick your motherfuckin' hands up
Some come close, but they can't get it right
Let the king do his thing, it's time for Madhouse Live
Bullshit talk, I know that much
This isn't bullshit, my friend
Do you know something?
Don't listen
What do you know?
Maybe I do and maybe I don't
What I say is they got no business negotiating
Bunker
Hi
Hi, let's attack the horse, right?
How do you serve the horse?
We don't serve the horse.
I thought this was a French restaurant or something.
I'm sorry?
I thought this might have been a French restaurant or something.
Oh, no, we're Italian.
Okay, so we're in the war.
I'm a veteran of Operation Wolf from 1987, and we had to eat a horse, and ever since then I've had a taste for it.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
That's a crazy story.
So, I mean, I looked this up, and it says Palomino, so you don't serve horse meat.
Nope.
Kiss It
Um... We don't have tuna either.
Nope.
We do have a really good mahi-mahi, though.
Ah, okay. That's like tuna, right?
Not exactly, but...
I'm sure if I go to the women's room there's a lot of tuna in there.
Do you stink so?
Oh, no.
Okay, how do you keep that in check?
Um, I'm not really the person to ask about that.
Oh, you don't do anything for that?
Alright, sorry we don't have whores.
Okay, well, do you have a manager to talk to, you said?
One second here.
Our famous for its local products, gourmet dishes, and stylish...
Call somewhere else.
Good afternoon, Andaluca. This is Heather speaking.
Yeah, Heather, hi. I'm waiting for my car up front.
For, I'm sorry?
My car.
For this Andaluca restaurant?
Yeah. I was just in there, and now I'm waiting for the valet to bring back my car.
Um, the restaurant's closed?
Yeah.
Thank you for calling the Starbucks Reserve Roastery and Tasting Room.
If you'd like to speak to someone working at the roastery, please press 1.
Please hold while we transfer your call.
Hi, this is Nick, your server.
Jonathan, how can I help you?
Jonathan?
Hello?
I could have sworn you were a girl.
Hey, this is a roastery, right?
Sure is.
I'd like to make an order for one roast beef.
One roast?
Yeah.
Sure.
Why don't you come on down and pick that up?
One roast beef sandwich?
He was not happy.
Including hours of operation, press 1.
What's going on with it?
You're an Amazon employee, right?
We all are, yes.
Okay, so then I need help with that.
Can I bring it in for a refund?
If you bought it here and you have the receipt, I don't see why not.
No, I got it from your website.
All that's a completely different thing.
We can't take returns from Amazon for purchases done on the website.
Come on, you guys can work something out.
I mean, it's the same company.
You can figure it out, right?
Do you have a contact number, someone I can talk to over there?
Well, we have the management team is here.
Do you want to talk to one of them?
Yeah, hurry up.
Hold on just a moment.
Hurry up, stupid.
Hey, it's Justin with Whole Foods Market South of Union.
How may I help you?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I mean, we definitely might be able to try and...
Okay. Alright, thank you.
Bye, stupid ignorant.
Okay, bye.
Bye.
Does Amazon have a number I can call?
I know you used to be able to, like, chat with Amazon and you'd see video of them.
You'd go to, like, a chat website.
They would actually connect you to an Amazon person.
I always wanted to do pranks against that, but it was during a period of time I was not doing shows.
And I never got around to it.
Someone has parts for a Honda Accord, yeah.
Hey, how you doing there, Balls?
Ah, pretty good, and you?
I've been better. You looking for a carpenter's helper?
Ah, yeah, we've been looking, but I may have someone.
I got a hammer. I got a hammer.
You got a hammer?
Yeah.
Well, let's get a start at it.
Yeah, I can hit things with the hammer.
Well, that's a good thing.
Like, are you the carpenter?
Yeah.
So you tell me hand me that hand me this and I'll give you back miss. I'll give you like a neck massage
Well whenever you need a neck massage I can give it to you, you know
I can use my elbows on your shoulder blades, you know, cuz you get you probably get tired
What do you work on houses? Yeah, buddy. No, what do you work on houses? Motherfucker you yeah
Give him a good massage
All right, retired veteran looking for odd jobs. Maybe this is the dude the where you at guy. Let's see
This is him. It says the same thing in that scene from that ad off the same website. Where are you at?
I wonder wonder if it's him
That's fucking him it's fucking him he's back see if we can send a Walmart again see if I'm getting to pick up
That's him motherfuckers back. That sounds just like him. I really think that's the guy. It's our guy
Let me change the caller ID to a local area code. Maybe that'll entice him
Oh be good if I he changes number on me, you know, as soon as that prank went down, right? Redialing
Are you gonna read?
Tell him I've been looking for me ever since I saw him at the Walmart. Yeah, the phone number is online
405 396 688 440 539 mouth
The line is currently in service. You may call and join. Talk shit about me. A weight problem.
Damn it, I can't get it to go down. Come on, it won't redial. Why not?
Madhouse Raider, you're on the air. Please don't be a jerk.
Hello?
Hello. Hi. You're already pissing me off. Hi.
What's up, man?
You telling me? What's up?
How's it doing?
How you doing, big guy?
Good.
Tee hee hee.
How's it going?
Okay, I guess. It's good to hear from you.
Do you have a name you go by?
Yeah, Brendan.
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
What's up, BigBrittyBrendan? You're here now?
Sorry, I had you on hold.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sorry.
Or press 1 for more options.
We did not get your message, either because you were not speaking or because of a bad connection.
Oh, do you have a fucking message? I want to talk to somebody.
Holy shit.
Brendan, do you like to do prank calls on your own time?
Sometimes.
Sometimes? All right. Are they funny?
No.
Aw, well, keep trying. You'll be all right. You'll figure it out, buddy.
Don't get down on yourself.
What kind of shit are you playing on your PlayStation, then?
I don't think much of it, I don't feel.
I want to make a fucking order okay okay and I don't want any dirty people touching my food okay okay yeah with dirty people okay yeah there's there's a lot of homeless there's a lot of homeless people in this town okay and I don't like that okay but Brendan did you want to do a prank or you just want to chill or you just want to chill there buddy
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Prank
Thank you for calling South Lake Union Goodwill this is Rain how can I help you?
Yeah, first of all, I want to make sure.
Do you have, like, a lot of homeless people around here?
Dirty homeless people?
In the neighborhood?
Yeah.
Typically, there is a high homeless population in this area, yes, sir.
That's disgusting.
Where are they shit at?
I'm sorry.
That's none of my business.
Well, they got to shit somewhere, don't they?
Do they come inside here?
Do they come in?
Ew.
I'm sorry, but I cannot talk to you.
Goodbye.
I'm just saying.
All right, Brendan, I'm going to clear the line so someone else can call in
I'll join what what are the parties on ps4 ways just you just talk together is that it yeah
okay all right well we'll do something me and you will hang out all right and we'll just sit
we'll just sit listen to each other all right bye bye thanks for listening I love you Brendan
everybody Brendan on the ps4 oh man Perth is in the hospital you get yeah he's got cellulitis but
I'm looking to do a customer survey.
Do you have a customer nearby who can get a $30 gift certificate for participating in a three-question survey?
I don't have any customers in my department at the moment.
Why don't you have any customers there?
No wonder we're going out of business.
He doesn't believe me.
Yeah, Guitar Center's gone out of business because all they do is sell guitars.
And people like Milkman don't have enough money to be buying guitars all the time.
Guitar Center.
How are we? How may I help you?
Yeah, you guys have chowder?
Yes, we do.
You have chowder? Okay, good.
How much urine is in it?
Urine?
Yeah.
Hold on, can you please wait on hold?
Yeah.
While I transfer you to another place?
What else am I going to do on hold? Right?
What do you mean?
Like you say, can I wait on hold? What's the other option?
All right.
Okay, bye.
Stupid.
The sourcing of food is incredibly important.
So I started going to Alaskan and I actually fished with a fisherman.
I didn't go to just a processing plant.
I don't want to hear your fucking life story while I'm on hold, asshole.
All right, let's try to call where you at again.
See if it works now.
Madhouse Radio, I'm busy.
Hi, what's up?
Hey, what's up?
You know, you know...
What's going on, buddy?
It's Brooklyn, bitch.
How you doing?
Hey, what are you doing?
Okay.
Hey, can you turn down your audio in the background?
Shit.
The shit won't dial.
All right.
He's going to have to wait while I try to get this fixed.
He's currently on hold.
Don't go anywhere.
Call her.
I know you're listening in the background.
Jerk.
Hey, Penis.
Mr. Penis, are you there?
Yes.
Can you hear me?
Yeah.
I hear you now.
Yeah.
How you been, man?
Do you have a name, man?
It's Bullpen, I said.
Bullpen?
Bullpen.
Bullpen.
Hey, Bullpen.
Yeah, you're in a bullpen, pitching, warming up.
I hear you.
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Wait for the call to work. It's not working number busy great
I'm here, buddy. I'm having trouble with the phone, but I'm here. Don't worry
It's hard to understand you, but I'm not trying to be
Racist you have a lot of bass in the audio, so it's hard to understand you got like a milkman thing going on
I'm calling from my phone. I don't know.
You're a dirty. It's alright, man. I don't know what to tell you. Sometimes the phone does that. It's okay.
Don't worry. I'm just not having luck with phone numbers right now, which is bad.
It's okay. You will do fine, Carlito.
Thank you. Pray for me.
Do you like Cheez-Its? Do you know what Cheez-Its are? They're a cracker made with cheese.
I guess, yeah. It's like cheese on end.
Oh, you like a cheese, huh?
Yeah.
What kind of cheese do you like you like American cheese? I like all kind of cheese except the big cheese
I don't like blue cheese son of a bitch. Yeah, blue cheese stinks. I think yeah, it's got penicillin in it
It's just because this it's been used too much everywhere. You go blue cheese blue cheese blue cheese. I'm tired of I feel yeah
Sorry, I'm I'm here. I'm looking for a number kind of off my game
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Matt Baz Muffin
Matt Baz Muffin
Shackle
There's what?
Fuck, come on man
That's my fault, I fucked that up
It's my fault
What happened?
I fucked it up
I thought it was a donut place it was a Thai restaurant
I wasn't gonna make Thai jokes
They wanna do a hotel but they don't have a number
Uh I could do a hotel sure
I'm not gonna call Seattle anymore
That's what I gotta, I gotta call another town
Seattle fucking sucks for prank calls
Uh, let's try Tacoma, Washington
Let's get away from Washington
Let's try Arizona
see big dozer in a chatroom
what's up big dozer
I punched the other three
I punched Dwight in the balls
and Jaiad and Jai
Hello and thank you for calling the Arizona Biltmore, a Waldorf Astoria Resort.
In order to better assist you, please select from one of the following options.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
There should be a little valve on the side of the toilet.
No, the sheets won't go down.
Oh, okay. Would you like someone to plunge the toilet?
No, there's sheets. They're halfway in, halfway out.
They're kind of stuck. I keep pulling and nothing happens.
And there's water everywhere.
What room are you in?
Two.
Our rooms have four digits.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Okay Let me go ahead and set up the house keepers
You're going to need new sheets is that it?
Yeah
Do you have a wet dry vac or something?
Yeah an ashtrays
Ashtrays too yeah
Hello
Do you happen to know what room number you're in or the last name?
No the room isn't in my name
Someone let us in
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
F.U.C.K. Fuck
I did not. I'm terribly sorry that you heard that, Mr. Benson.
I will have an engineer sent up to the room for you in addition to a security officer.
Hurry up. I'm bringing some upgrades, okay?
God damn it. I'm Benson and I'm angry. I'm getting aggravated.
I'm going to break this. I'm going to throw this at the glass mirror.
Hang on. I'm walking into the bathroom.
I'm in the bathroom.
I'm in the bathroom.
I'm going to break this mirror.
Fuck it.
Oh, come on. Don't start.
What the fuck are you doing over there?
Or features a world of unpleasure
Oh shit
American classics reimagined for today's taste in the four star signature
Are you there Mr. Benton?
Yeah
Yeah we're there
Wonderful
My friend is breaking all the mirrors in the glass
I don't think that that's necessary I think he can tell me what the problem is and I can look into trying to fix it for him
He's very mad he gets real upset when it's like this
Alright
He keeps trying to flush all the glass down the toilet
What's the room number? That way I can look into trying to get his hands bandaged.
We don't want any guests in that kind of pain.
I already told you, stupid.
Can you repeat it for me one more time?
1-0-2-7
Perfect. All right. I'll have a security officer send up there for you as soon as possible, okay?
What is he going to do?
He's going to bring a security and an engineer.
What happened to the engineer? Now it's security? What's going on?
What's on their way but when the guest has their hands cut we have to have a security officer
What's the last name on your reservation sir, Benson? Now you on the first floor or the second floor?
No, no, I told you the room number. What else you need? Are you stupid? Don't you have a map there?
1027 is not a real room number. So can you tell me the room number? That's on the outside of your doors
The search was one zero. We don't have any scores that ended in zero this in an 11 room
Can you look on the outside of your door for me?
I don't feel like it.
Oh, he can't. He's colorblind, so...
Colorblind is perfectly fine. We just need to find the number.
Well, I'm stupid.
Are you racist? Do you have something against colorblind people?
I'm stupid, too.
No.
I'm stupid. I'm a stupid person. I'm diagnosed with stupid.
Are you there?
I am indeed.
David King has a pretty penis.
I can whisper, too.
Hey, where can I put the chicken?
I have a little brother. I think she has a big labia. Hey labia woman
It sounds like she has like a big labia. Yeah, she does. It sounds like you have vaginosis to us
I'm gonna hang up since you're not responding. Bye. Bye big vagina. Bye another hotel
I won't stop barking and I go over and kick him in a second when they give him a Benadryl
Yeah, hi, how can I get these toilets to flush down the these toilets to flush the sheets to flush down the toilet
I'm sorry say that again how can I get the sheets to flush down the toilet how to get sheets that flush down the toilet okay so like the personal protector sheet no the sheets on the bed I've been trying to flush them down the toilet and then my friends doing it now but there's water everywhere and they won't flush
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hey Omar throw that at the at the mirror in the bathroom because she's not listening to me. She's pissing me off
We're gonna flush the glass down the toilet, it's gonna be cool
I said your name is Omar. I hope you don't mind. Don't you live in Brooklyn or something? Yeah
I used to call you Brooklyn cell right Brooklyn cell. That's what I
Hi Harmony, how can I help you?
Hi Harmony, I'm here with Brooklyn Cell, the Brooklyn Cell
And we're in the bathroom and we're trying to flush the sheets on the toilet
And there's just water everywhere
Omar, flush it again
Alright, alright
It won't flush bro
Hello
What room are you in?
We're in 27
Are you calling the right office?
There's water everywhere, it won't flush
Yeah, La Pusada Hotel
We're in Winslow, Arizona
Yeah, that's right
We don't have a room 27.
Is it 227 maybe? I don't know.
227 what's your last name?
The room isn't in my name.
We met the girl at the bar she brought us back and we had sex.
I got the clank.
Alright Brooklyn Cell I'm going to let you go so someone else can call in.
Thanks for calling in man. It's good to hear from you.
Mr. Brooklyn Cell thanks for joining. Bye.
Line is clear 405-396-6884 405-396-6884
You're right! Let's try where you at guy again. Maybe he'll pick up this time.
You flopped your dick out from your ass grass, son.
Neighbor to come to the phone right now, if you could please leave your name, short message, I'll be sure to return your call. Thank you and have a blessed day.
Fucking guy. Why won't he talk to me?
Alright, caller ID adjusted. Let's get some shit out of here. Yeah.
I haven't done this in about a year this is a long time favorite of madhouse surprised no one's stolen this idea yet you know how these people do
Perth to answer your question this is Charles Bradley he died a few years ago he's a lot he's this dude that came out started singing like a lot of old school old school style tunes
he's a lot he reminds me a lot of um the godfather of soul the fuck's his name that died uh James Brown
Kyle
Super Chats
Shy B.oy760
Super Chats
You and Dwight make some funny ass prank calls
Thanks man
I'm really proud of Dwight
He's always been a good friend
Not a backstabber
We have a lot of fun doing calls together
I super enjoy doing shows
With Dwight
When he goes on
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For Our Store Hours And Location Press 1
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Or Stay On The Line
Dollar Store
this is
yep
you need to get your shit
out of here man
where is that
what do you mean
where it's at
it's in our room
where we take our
receiving in
okay so
I have no clue
what you're talking about
it's a bunch of
ant food
this is Purina
ProPlan
Hill Science Diet
let's see
this one here
says
Hill Science Diet
sensitive stomach
and skin
adult dog food
chicken meal
and barley bullshit
okay I'm not even
expecting a delivery today
well we got it here
it's for you
wwe don't have dog food are just the dollar store
dollar tree
uh... i have a little traffic ever since i can get your shit over here and
not sending anyone else over there mo fucker
come over here get your shit outta here who's going to be
jason that's a boys in my would you have that name
here are your point bro
yet you're not so good you should i hear
i'm gonna start giving this away
matter of fact i'm giving this to
uh... you have five minutes are you heard this dog food singing again we
We have dog training right now and we're going to feed the dogs with this dog food.
Okay, so your phone number?
Alright, Len, what's your boss's name?
That'd be the general manager.
You're ruining my life.
Let's break some mirrors.
Yeah, fucking shit.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm tired of this.
Getting your deliveries over here all the time.
Thank you for calling your local Walmart.
We appreciate your business and look forward to the opportunity to serve.
Thank you for calling Walmart.
How can I help you?
And I don't need...
Shut the fuck up.
Now who do I products yes this will work wait what get your shit out of here I don't understand
of a bunch of your bullshit we want you to get your shit out of here is what we're saying
you understand it's not the dollar tree yeah so the fucking dollar tree get this shit out of here
red ken red ken one united I don't know why you're cursing at me red ken choleric said magnetic
shampoo bullshit okay it's not bullshit shampoo you don't have to talk it's bullshit I'm gonna
I'm throwing it all I'm dumping it all out in five minutes. You don't get here
Because this keeps happening
Yeah, it is this is for you you keep messing up
Your stupid company you're a stupid person you coming yet to get your shit out of here
Yeah, you need to get your shit out of here I'm calling from the Dollar Tree I'm the manager here
huu hnjs I'm the manager on duty
We just got a delivery of a bunch of colognes
Yeah, yeah you need to tell them that you need to get your shit out of here right now
I'm sorry
Hurry up
We're gonna start breaking these bottles
Thank you for holding this is Kenya how can I help you?
Kenya
Listen I'm, I'm the manager on duty here at Dollar Tree
We just got a delivery of a bunch of your stupid colognes you need to get this shit out of here
Okay, so is there a way you can give them back to this?
Who took them there I'm sorry
Uh, we got a delivery I don't know I'm busy here
I'm in the bathroom now.
Some idiot delivered them instead of to your place.
You need to kindly send someone over here to get your fucking shit out of here.
Okay, I'm going to have to get our store manager on there.
You got five minutes.
We're going to start breaking.
See, I got this one here.
This one says Givenchy.
Okay, can you do me a favor?
Can you call back to the store?
These are big bottles of cologne.
I'm hitting with one of our $1 baseball bats.
What do you want me to do?
I'm going to have to transfer you to our store manager's voicemail.
Oh, I don't have time for fucking voicemail bullshit.
That's the only way I can be able to get somebody over there.
Yeah, you're a waste of time.
Get out of here.
Disconnect.
It's Givenchy.
I know that from the Kardashians.
Givenchy.
I love saying that.
Givenchy.
I swear to God, for like the first 40, 30-something years of my life,
I thought all we saw was Givenchy.
Givenchy.
All right, let's call the Walmart guy back.
Where you at guy? I mean, see if he'll pick up man. Yeah, Brad didn't come up with the flushing stuff down the toilet
That was me and Dwight on Dwight show at house radio on there
Hey, is that big Ethan? No
No, it's a nutcrush. Oh, I thought you were Ethan. I'm sorry. Hey nutcrush nutcrush. Ow, you're into that
You know ball busting yeah spiked heels bro, all right nut crust bro
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Yeah, give me a hug. Give me a hug, man. What's up, bro?
Yeah, I'm a horse member, but I haven't gotten shit yet.
What? Yeah, it's supposed to be the API fucking shit with Dropbox and all that.
It doesn't work half an ass. And I thought I got it all fixed up a week ago.
So you haven't gotten into the Discord as a problem, or did you get the Dropbox at least?
Yeah, my Discord.
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I had some kosher tangy, and I mixed it with some Durban poison.
Hi, thank you for calling Fairvilla Megastore.
If you know your party's extension, you can dial it at any time during this message.
For store hours and driving directions, press 2.
For a company directory by first name, press 3.
For sales help, press 4.
To speak with someone in processing, press 5.
To speak to a store manager, press 6.
For all other calls, press 0.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm not supposed to go back in because I have a trespassing warrant.
Do you think it'll still stick from 1995?
What was the first name?
I know the playing cards.
Just so I can go check.
Bill.
I can ask my manager.
Bill? Okay.
Let me go see for you.
Alright.
Sorry, I came up with another idea.
Because I remember they have pictures of shoplifters that have been caught all over the store.
It's embarrassing.
I can't hear you now, Bill.
Have you said your name was Bill?
Yeah.
Okay.
Because I see one for playing cards, but it's not that same name.
I didn't see any Bills up on there.
Yeah.
That's probably me.
I just don't want to say my real name.
I'm kind of embarrassed.
Okay.
I mean, you can understand.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Find a good job up here
The job market down there is stinkin' Orlando
I just got my degree
And fuckin' I couldn't find work
That was worth it
That's Dwight checkin' in
I'm about to take a break though
I gotta pee
Gotta check on Homer
Fuckin' dog
Who am I calling here?
Uh, this is a different adult store
We'll try your idea now
Okay, that ain't goin' down
Uh, I believe we're gonna take a break
Well, let me get Dwight on here
Second
He just called in
Dwight
McRanky
Fuckin' Skype
Hey Dwight
Oh you're a drunk pervert motherfucker
Hey you penis how you doing
Well I'm taking a shit right now
Oh nice
Yeah I'm in the toilet
Fucking drunk pervert motherfucker
Well that's cool I gotta take a break I gotta go to the toilet myself sir
We have a caller on the line
Caller say hi to Dwight
Hey caller tell Carlito he can't sit on my lap
When he goes to the bathroom
Oh he's stuck on hold
Oh good fuck him
Oh caller if you're listening on the air
Call Nation Madhouse Live
What do you look like?
What does Dwight look like?
You can see him on Facebook.
Yeah, he's on Facebook.
I've never seen him.
Yeah, man.
He's got his picture on his profile.
I'm pretty sure.
I picture him as tall, dark, handsome, you know?
No, none of that.
He's dark.
Micropenis.
Micropenis.
He's got a big clip.
That's because I'm Vietnamese.
Yeah, go on Facebook.
Look for Dwight.
Dwight, what's your...
Is your...
Are you Dwight the Janitor?
Or what are you exactly?
Dwight...
No, you're just Dwight McClanahan.
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ben ali
we're on a
no thank you no sir just cuz you do it just because you quote unquote
smoke some k2 or whatever no thanks yeah david king going crazy showing his
penis on YouTube live
on friday or thursday it was a friday night thursday night only this night
he was hoping this TV alright guys look I gotta go have a good break
more come back to one the client hand will join he said I've finished taking
a shit
All right, and, uh, I don't know, we'll do stuff.
Thanks for listening.
Nori speaking.
Hi, nerd.
Hello, who's that, nerd?
What?
What was your name, nerd?
No, my name's not that.
It's Nori.
Nori.
Hori.
Hey, I'm calling regarding this, uh, ad here.
I have a question.
Okay.
All right.
Nature of work.
This position provides activities, resources, and supports provided to
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I think it has to do with ****, I'm not certain.
Okay, alright.
Nobody told us that we were to expect phone calls or anything.
Oh, wow. How often do I have to walk the job?
Like, once a day, twice a day?
What do you mean, walk the job?
Like, where I actually take the job out on a leash, walk it around,
maybe down the street, up and down, let it go to the bathroom?
It's not a dog, it's a job.
Yeah, but I still have to feed and water and clean after, right?
Does the job have all its shots?
Will you stop?
Does it have its shots?
Do you have all the records for the job?
I am not in charge of that job ad.
And I don't appreciate you calling up here and harassing us.
I'm not harassing.
Ma'am, you put an ad in the paper for job, and I want to see if I'm getting the job.
But it's not a dog.
Whatever kind of animal it is.
Don't pick it up.
Go for it.
How often does it go to the bathroom, the job?
I guess.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Good evening.
Thank you for holding.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I am such an honor to be here with the woman there with the attitude when I'm asking about
the wallet.
What I'm sorry I left the wallet over there and I have reason to believe that one of the
women over there has it and is refusing to give it to me.
I saw a woman going to the bathroom with an item and came back out and no longer had the
item and was shuffling herself for a little bit like her clothing.
I don't know what to tell you, if there is anything left every day these things happen
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
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Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
at madhouselive.com
Madhouse Radio
will be back right after this.
Madhouse Radio is back.
You are bigger than a woman. You are better than a woman. We'll always be behind you. Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.
Boba Barber
Oh!
Nigga you
Woohoo!
Brooklyn Style baby!
Brooklyn Style!
Oh!
Bill Fast through the city Played monopoly with real cash
Me and Biggie and the models beat Shakin ace to diddy ass
In Parada B's something you cats got to see And the watchers be all types of shapes and
stones being broken challenges And I'm quite grown
Run up in the club with the ice on Feelin' Python
Fightin' something nice and I'm gon catch it home
Screamin' the fights on I'm in the 1500's
Madhouse Live
top of the hour right that is correct good good for you
namashka bhai saab yes who is this hey my name is abdu
Sasta bendi kitna paisa
What is that?
Sasta bendi kitna paisa
Bindi? We don't have bindi
Bindi
No, no, we don't have the bindi
You don't have sister?
What is that?
You don't have sister?
No
No? Oh, how much would it be if I wanted a brother for you or your mother?
Kitna paisa
I don't know what
Kitna pa... Sasta mother
Kitna pasa
Paisa
Kitna paisa
Sorry, I mean I'm just too busy right now
Namashka, namashka
Sex
Thank you
Sex
He's too busy right now, Dwight
He can't
Who's too busy for sex?
Yeah
Or for selling their sister
Anyway
I'd sell his sister
I'd sell his sister
Madhouse, you're on the air
Hey
Hey, Milkman
It's good to hear from you
milkman
You sound like you're in a car like milkman. Oh, it's not that bad. It's okay
Hey, how you doing big guy? That's too bad. Who's this?
Ethan yeah, what's up Ethan? I thought you called earlier was another guy. It's not sound like you. Excuse me
Yeah, it was being blown up but not any longer it's good now everything is good
Yes, hello
Namaskar
ki na paisa bendy
bendy ki na paisa
bendy yeah you're bendy
your sister is only 11.99?
does that include like do you have a bedroom that we use?
or do we do it in the car? in my car
your sister for sex where? in my car? or do you have a bedroom?
I don't want to say my name
no you stupid bhenchod
bhenchod?
how much sister? ki na paisa
cmon
click
what a asshole man
Yeah, he hung up. He's a motherfucker.
Yelly, I put the invitations in the mail today.
Yay!
Alright.
What's on the menu? That's what I'm most concerned about.
Is it gonna be ribs?
Prime rib.
Rib. Hey, yes ma'am, do you have prime rib?
Hello?
Do you have prime rib?
Your vegetarian restaurant.
Oh, uh, bendy, kitna paisa.
Sorry?
Bendy, kitna paisa.
We don't have that.
You don't have sister?
No.
Well, how much for you? Kitna paisa you?
Shut up.
No, you shut up.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah, do I get to say toast you just get up and say toast we'll get Joey guns over there
What was that place called beer Authority? Yeah. All right. I'm actually going to the city tomorrow for the auto show. Oh shit
Yeah, yeah see what he's up to oh it's fucking you you fucking jerk
Yeah, ask him about the holes
Yeah, he's a big dude
I don't know.
He was a nice guy, though.
Yeah, he was.
Just a motherfucker on the phone.
Altogether, it was a pretty cool place.
Definitely.
A lot of beer, good food.
Good food, yep.
Weird bathrooms.
Everything else was cool.
Weird, yeah.
Weird sinks in the bathrooms.
They're like little urinals.
Urinals.
Fear Authority, this is Emma.
How can I help you?
Hi, Emma.
Is Joey there?
Is who?
Joey.
Joe?
Can I ask what you need?
Well, I need to talk to him.
I'm sorry, Joe's not here right now.
Can I take a message?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
How about you shut up?
No, you first, stupid.
Turn the music down if you can't hear it.
Joey's not there.
She says that Joe's hardly there.
I don't know about that.
He's there all the time.
You shut up.
No, you shut up!
How about you shut up?
There's a Popeye's in Manhattan?
Popeye's Louisiana chicken?
Why would I go to Manhattan to Times Square to eat a Popeye's?
That's stupid.
Who said that?
There's a Popeye's in...
And that's what I'm calling in Times Square.
Yeah, it puts you on hold, and sometimes I forget.
Is this the Popeyes in Times Square?
Yeah, it's 40 street.
Okay, this is Times Square Popeyes. Nice.
Okay, how many spaces come with the chicken?
Excuse me?
How many spaces come with the chicken?
What do you mean, how many?
Spaces.
What are you asking?
Chicken.
Chicken what?
How many spaces come with it?
What do you mean, how many spaces?
You know spaces? You get spaces of chicken?
No.
How many spaces is it?
Don't need no arum chicken
This mace
This is Jay Z
Mesa Better
Hi, I'd like to make an order.
Yeah, what do you think?
Don't be ignorant.
Don't be ignorant.
Okay, just to confirm, it's picking up at the 38th Street location, right?
Okay, can I get the name?
Cross
Could you spell that for me, please?
C-R-O-S-S
Okay, not a problem. What would you like to order?
Yeah, that's right. It's not a problem.
It better not be.
Okay, what's the order, sir?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm sorry, we have lots of containers. You need to tell me a size, sir, or I'm going to have to hang up because I have some other orders to do.
You have styrofoam containers?
No, we don't have any styrofoam anymore.
What do you have?
I mean, just paper containers.
Okay, I'll take one of those. That's the one I want.
Okay, but what size would you like for the rice and curry, sir?
Oh my God, is there a man I could talk to who might not understand?
Okay, I'm sorry. I'm going to hang up now. Goodbye.
Okay, you're good at that. You're good at doing that. Not figuring out the problems.
I'm going to have to end the show soon because of Dwight.
Dwight's ass
He's a motherfucker
Fucking Dwight's motherfucker
I don't know what to do
Look in your ass like
I don't know what to do
I don't know who to call
Call the police
No
I already had the police call to me today
Oh shit what'd you do?
Usual hotel stuff you know
It's a little bit of a thing right now Breaking Windows ferking breaking at your
lunch alarm call now no idea why that plan if you still with me
He died, I think Ethan dropped thank you for calling the Red Roof in Toledo University to reach a guest press 1 for
Reservations press 2 for direct enter the guest room number now or to speak with a guest
Please enter the first three letters of the party's last name
Now you gotta do that shit the selling was incorrect, please hold they make you spell the name
Get those dial by name directories. I always fuck it up. Yeah now Red Roof. You can't just dial with a room number
Yeah, I need
Yeah, you even follow the proper procedure look hello, okay
What they do
What happened?
What happened indeed?
Hello the cocaine!
Yeah, hi.
Can I have 127 please?
Yes.
Yes, this is room 127.
Okay, I'm calling from the front desk.
My name is Cross.
We have a problem here with your room.
Okay, there's a large amount of bed bugs on that bed.
You haven't been laying on that bed, have you?
Okay.
Well, you probably want to stop doing that because you got bed bugs now.
We got a bed bug problem here.
Can you...
We need you to...
Why did they give him this room then?
Well, I mean...
The...
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Madhouse Reader
Please press 1 for directions or hours of operation
Press 2 to speak with the first available one of those rocking chairs there in your front in front of the store
In my van and I drove off with it sale sign. I really like them and there ain't nothing you can do about it
All right, okay
We're on the highway ready ain't nothing you can do about it. I just want to make sure we don't have no trouble with you
People let's talk to the manager. We're good right all right put the manager on okay crack
If you're black you're gonna wait a long time for your food It always ends up taking longer for me to do the online order than if I would have just gone in So stupid And they don't give you the option to pay They make you wait another line I hate that shit I want to pay in the app and get out I just want to go in and say who I am and get my food and walk out I'm a lazy guy You shouldn't have to pay I should be able to steal it like this rocking chair Makes you want to eat some corn Hello? Hello? Stupid woman messed up the phone
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Baseball Cards
Basketball Cards
You know all these fucking
He's selling them all for a dollar
Like who would want this shit
Oh yeah I got a fucking card
There was a guy
I've actually run into like two or three on Facebook live trollings
Where they were just sitting there
Opening up new packs of baseball cards
Oh I'm gonna fucking sell these
Of course I blew their fucking live up
Non-stop
I mean when I was in high school
I collected cards when I was in high school
Especially basketball cards
Madhouse Live
Mark McGuire
OJ Simpson
and this and that and he he was really good at and like he could fool he could fool and yeah
Cuz you know they always give you like a certificate of authenticity
It's like bullshit like there's no big governing body the ice even by the Beckett
There was these Beckett magazines that the it was like just a sports magazine in the middle
I had a section that had all the cards listed and would tell you the price. Yeah, I had a Shaquille O'Neal card
Oh shit. We got a call on here. I'm sorry. I forgot about you. I'm high man. What's up?
You like them baseball cards?
Hell yeah.
I used to make them fight.
Yeah.
Like Pokemon.
Yeah.
There were these infomercial guys that used to get on and sell baseball cards and Beanie Babies
and they were always yelling the whole time.
Like, we got ten packs, ten boxes of these cards.
They're all in here.
They're all mixed up.
Look at this.
We just got a Jose Canseco rookie card in this one.
They would just sit there and open them up and just keep showing off the ones that were getting.
They were selling them.
Remember like...
It's like fucking Billy Mays.
It was kind of like Billy Mays, but it's just two guys and they would just yell the whole time about these baseball cards, like sports cards and beanie babies that they had.
It was quite the big thing in the late 90s, those guys.
I've never heard of that guy anymore.
Oh, look at you, overdosed on fucking cocaine like old Billy.
Fucking Billy.
So they found coke in his system, but...
Yeah.
Yeah.
I thought his heart exploded.
On a plane, right?
After it landed?
Yeah, because of the cocaine pressures.
Like Carrie Fisher.
All right, let's call.
Oh, let's see if I can get him to answer now.
The odd jobs guy.
Where is his number?
Here it is.
I'm happy we found this guy again, but I just gotta get him to answer the phone.
That's the problem.
Jim Wagner, fuck you.
Yeah, this is Jim Wagner.
Jim Wagner, fuck you.
I let you lay in a bed, but I never let you do anything to me.
Up to my recollection.
Well, it's almost Dwight time.
We have to end the show, eat dinner, and then join you, Dwight.
Yeah, you gotta make a racist call first.
Brian Walker with BG Walker Services
A racist call?
Oh yeah
Why would I do a racist call?
Sorry caller I had you on hold nothing happened you missed nothing
Uh I do know I started going back through some like 2014 stuff that Brad had of mine
Uh a lot of BTR that was uh the n-bomb got dropped quite a bit
Yeah
But that was a way to push the buttons of the BTR people cause it was mostly black people at the time
Damn man you feel bad now?
Uh yeah I'm trying to figure out a way to edit it I'm like Jesus Christ I can't just let the n-bomb fly
Hello, you're looking for a one-bedroom apartment?
Hello?
You're looking for a one-bedroom apartment?
Fuck them. They can sleep outside then.
Man, I watched me some Boogie Nights the other night, Carlito.
It's a good movie, man. It's one of my favorite movies.
You're giving me shit, Kurt.
My wife's got a cock in her ass in the driveway.
No, ass in her cock, I thought you said.
Ass in her cock. I think he fucked it up.
You think they kept the take? You think so?
I think so.
Yeah, probably. It worked. It worked, man. It was funny.
To an automatic voice message system, 40437
I'm doing good again I'm clean and he started saying I'm drunk I got pills in me right now
that's like the time that you uh were like oh you should have the dead on like he's sobered up he's
good and like that next week I had him on he was drunk as shit yeah it didn't last long I'm sorry
the person you were trying to reach has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet
remember when you told me the other day that he had a woman again and then it wasn't like three
days later he was like oh I'm so heartbroken he's trying to get this Muslim woman now and
Madhouse Live
Hello my man
Hello how you doing there
You got a pasture
You got a pasture
You got a pasture available for horses
Oh yeah I got a horse
I wanted to bring to the pasture
I wanted to film a movie with my horse
The horse
Right now it's in a
It's in a storage unit.
Let me give you a call back.
They told me we can't keep horses here, so we got to get it out as soon as we can.
Where do you live at?
I'm in Rogersville.
I'm on Horse Machine Ranch.
I live on Horse Machine Ranch Road.
Okay.
Yeah, we're trying to film a pornographic film with the horse.
Ready?
All right, would you be...
Okay, well, I'll get it.
Huh?
I'll give you a call.
Are you against your past year being on a pornographic film with a horse and a woman?
A Brazilian woman?
Yeah, whatever y'all do.
It's y'all's business.
All right.
All righty.
Yeah.
This isn't the first time that he's been involved with a horse and a porno.
You do what you want.
It ain't my business.
It ain't my business.
Long dog get to give that horse a carrot.
Yeah, you let me give him a carrot.
Let me get a ride on the horse, you know what I mean?
All right, caller, brother man.
I'm gonna let you go in case someone else wants to call in. Do you still do voicemails? I can let's see what's in the voicemail
See how many haters have lost the voicemail. Thank you caller. I don't really think I have any someone wants to update my Wells Fargo account
apparently
That's what it says. I'll update it for you. I'll update it real good. Yeah. Oh, I'm looking at November
I got a no no voicemail actually none tonight. You used to have a bunch of those
The Obituary Guy
No Voicemails
A lot of text messages from Macron
Carlito yay be a fucking man and talk to Macron live
Pussy yes I'm gonna put Macron on
To take over my show
Yes that sounds exactly what I wanna do
Give him more attention
People should just give up on that idea
Cause it's not gonna happen
Some people are persistent though
When everything fell out and he kept
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
The person you're trying to reach is not accepting calls at this time.
Please try your call again later.
That's not a good sign.
He's went dark and he's got no phone.
Yeah, well there's your update.
His cell phone doesn't answer now.
Shit.
Well, he's MIA.
Pray for Matt
Pray that his chair will carry him swiftly back into our lives
Be nice
Alright, last call tonight
Hope you guys enjoyed the show
Hope it was a good show
I usually can't determine until after I hear it again
Yeah, bro
Hello, caller
You there?
Hello?
Hey, what's up?
Alright
Oh, caller's still there
I heard stuff in the background
It scared me
Hello?
Hi, caller
Hello, this is Carlito talking to you on the phone
Hello?
Hi
Hi
I think he's confused because he's got the feed going at the same time
Listen on your phone not on the computer
we're on delay
I gotta end the show anyway
alright Carl I gotta go
gonna hang up on you
alright so like I said no voicemail
the show is over
thank you everyone who tuned in tonight
much appreciated thank you for all your support
as I said earlier
stay tuned for Dwight here in just a few moments
JB Money with a super chat
said big fan Dwight can y'all troll Periscope please
Madhouse Live
Yeah, we call them clams, they get so pissed.
The word's going around.
There's your Silent Lunk of Arm upgrade call there.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, they used to get pissed.
The word's going around now with the clothing people and the cheap jewelry people.
Yep, these are the new couch people.
These trolls, they call you and they fuck with your live.
They interrupt you.
They ruin your live.
We're trying to have a business.
It's like you're operating an MLM.
Pyramid Scheme
Shyboy760
You and Dwight make some funny ass prank calls.
Thank you, man.
We both appreciate that.
If I may speak on Dwight's behalf.
Be sure to donate to Dwight, too, tonight.
Not just me.
Walter Heimlich Maneuverer
says, good to see you back, big guy.
Big guy.
How much longer are you on tonight?
Not anymore. I'm ending now because Dwight's about to start.
You doing Saturdays now, aren't you?
I missed yesterday, trying to do Fridays, doing my stand-up on Thursdays
People are asking a lot about the stand-up, they wanna hear it or see it or whatever
I'll see if I can get one of the people to record a video of it
Maybe I can upload it, I'm not really comfortable with my stand-up 100% yet
They're really short sets, you only get 4 minutes
I'm starting to get into my own, it's alright
I'll drive out to record you, heckle you
Nooo I can get this one girl. She'll do it
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