MadhouseLive

You Like to Look at Peckers

24 May 2019 · 2 h 30 min · 7,932 words · source

Calls (30, 1 h 34 min of 2 h 30 min)

  1. Call about yard sale clothes for fat people live 1.6 min clip ↓
  2. Lysol on the phone with Carlito live 1.1 min clip ↓
  3. Restaurant reservation for two voicemail 3.8 min clip ↓
  4. Questioning meat source at gas station live 48 s clip ↓
  5. Tornado San Diego order eggs live 1.6 min clip ↓
  6. Tornado San Diego insults staff live 1.1 min clip ↓
  7. Tornado San Diego orders eggs again live 48 s clip ↓
  8. Hard Rock Hotel San Diego automated menu ivr 1.6 min clip ↓
  9. Spring Hill Suites front desk menu ivr 48 s clip ↓
  10. Spring Hill Suites bathroom issue live 1.1 min clip ↓
  11. Hour Fitness automated menu ivr 48 s clip ↓
  12. Rome Hardware asked about tools live 1.6 min clip ↓
  13. Home Depot window screw question ivr 4.3 min clip ↓
  14. 7-Eleven asked about cold section and ice cream live 5.1 min clip ↓
  15. 7-Eleven called from corporate office live 1.6 min clip ↓
  16. Hotel room phone call about TV and smoke live 3.8 min clip ↓
  17. Hilton San Diego room number confusion live 10.1 min clip ↓
  18. Madhouse Live intro playback playback 3.1 min clip ↓
  19. Applebee's asked to sing happy birthday live 7.6 min clip ↓
  20. Chili's asked to sing happy birthday live 2.8 min clip ↓
  21. Caller complains about disconnected numbers live 11.1 min clip ↓
  22. Flaming Walk and Grill order attempt live 3.8 min clip ↓
  23. Call Nation automated menu ivr 1.1 min clip ↓
  24. Prank Call Nation IVR ivr 33 s clip ↓
  25. Madhouse Live hosts intro playback 1.3 min clip ↓
  26. AEO Credit Card Center payment call live 6.1 min clip ↓
  27. Tennessee Redline mental health helpline live 2.1 min clip ↓
  28. Leading Edge Health customer service live 4.8 min clip ↓
  29. Leading Edge Health repeat call ivr 6.8 min clip ↓
  30. Free Conference playback playback 1.8 min clip ↓

Transcript

I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live
I hope my speech can compete with that bad mouth style that we get from Carlito
That's my big amigo so just kick back to listen to this cat call people
When this show goes live I'll be like damn this shit's bitchin'
Stop whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen
You can catch me in the back of his home at Horse Machine Ranch Road
I'm busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos
My spit crazy, shout out to Big Amy, that's nice honey baby
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Have sex on the stove
Why don't you show me the painting?
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system
Shut up, speak American, this ain't France
This is Nikki, leave a message
At the tone, please record your message
When you've finished recording, you may
Hello?
Hi, you got a yard sale, is it?
Yes
Alright, do you have clothes for fat people?
I can look in the morning and let you know
Oh, why? What's going on now?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm going to make those lines like this.
You sounded annoyed.
We asked you to let us know that you're not a voicemail system.
So you need to press one to take this call.
Hello?
Hey, Carlito, what's going on?
This is Lysol.
Lysol, what's up, big Lysol?
Hey, what's up, man?
Long time no talk.
How you been, homie?
Oh, I'm good, man.
Don't be mad at me.
I ain't mad at you, man.
I love the show.
Lysol's always looking to beat me up.
I listen to y'all every day.
Lysol's always looking to beat me up.
Yeah.
Lysol's a homie.
Yeah.
I listen to your show every day.
Yeah?
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah, no, he had the perfect country voice here.
He had, like, the perfect hillbilly country, you know, Alabama, Georgia, Georgia shit going on.
Yeah, I liked his Pokemon calls that he'd do.
He'd do, like, Pokemon stuff.
Like, he was going to get a certain, he wanted to make a certain card evolve or something.
Dude, my favorite one was when he made the dude break the doll.
He made a guy, like, break an antique doll.
I think I remember that.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, buddy, man.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Make the fucking fix the repair daily shit. Oh, did I turn off numbs lock stupid?
Oh, and do you always play the best music on your show, by the way? Oh, thank you
Yeah, I started listening to special herbs three and four. I didn't realize you played so much of that. Yeah, it's good stuff
Yeah, mf doom is good stuff too bad. I probably never see him and and live, you know, because he's stuck in
Yeah, he was playing on live shows. He like sends people. Yeah, he was doing some weird shit though
Alex
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
It is not available.
At the tone, please record your message.
When you finish recording...
The real Doom would hang out in the audience during the concert.
Yup, yeah, that's what I heard.
That's what I read on the online one.
Yo, have you ever heard from Zolar in the past?
Like, the past couple years?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, first one.
How's he doing?
He's doing good.
Yeah, I missed his show.
He got into a real bad accident last year when I was in New York.
Oh, shit. I didn't know that.
He got into a... Yeah, he was on his motorcycle.
He's always going around New York City in his motorcycle like he's a fucking Batman or something.
Zola is crazy, man.
Matter of fact, I was watching one of his old Howard Stern appearances yesterday on YouTube at work.
Hey, you've reached Clara. Leave a message.
Hey, you've reached Clara.
Yeah, I miss the days of Howard Stern when, like, Artie and Zolar and all them people were part of it.
That was, like, fucking bad.
Yeah, Howard's to be interviewed tonight.
They're playing, uh, Anderson Cooper was playing his interview today.
I missed it.
And he said, it's on right now, I think.
Grace Perron, leave a message. I'll be back with you.
Thanks, and have a blessed day.
I'm so blessed about it.
People don't pick up, it's not blessed.
If she wants to bless my day, she should pick up the phone.
Hell of a blast rolling up an onion
Hello, how you doing?
Alright, how's it going?
Good, I like the said reservation
Okay
You have anything for today?
Yeah, what time do you want to come in?
Seven
How many people?
Uh, just me and my buddy Lysol
I got a couple questions too about the steaks if you don't mind
Sure
Yeah, I'm just wondering like where they come from?
You get them from like Walmart or they come from like a grass fed farm or some shit like that?
Uh, we get them from the gas station
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
Yeah, we're asking about the meat.
And that guy said you get your meat from a gas station?
Asshole.
I don't believe we get our meat from the gas station, no.
Where do you get your meat from?
Is it from Cisco?
I have no clue.
Who's that?
Who are you talking to?
He's whispering to some general manager or some shit like that, probably.
Motherfucker, you?
Uh-huh.
You guys have a really nice day.
It sounds like you need one.
No, fuck you.
Goodbye.
It's night time.
I'm going to go up there and fight that son of a bitch.
Damn it.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
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The Tornado San Diego
We are located at 4026 30th Street, one block north of University
I'm just like a five minute drive from my house to work
We could call a hotel and book a room for 25 Mexicans, but just one room
Just one room, that's how we roll
Anyway, I live really close to work on like a five minute drive
So I get the luxury of that
I could take a break, like a 15 minute break and drive home
And I get five minutes at home
Madhouse Live
I'm on medical and so my wife is too so yeah nice yeah me too dude I love having that shit
it's so cool like not being able to have to rely on like a certain person to get like you can just
go to the store and get it you know that's the best part always the worst the fucking weed pot
guy bullshit like you meet me here you're just sitting there waiting and waiting and waiting
because they'll say like two hours that means like eight trying to plan your day you know they're
The
Yeah, I want one eggs.
You want eggs?
Yeah, stupid.
Hello?
Excuse me?
Ignorant.
You're ignorant.
I want to order one eggs.
That's it?
Yeah.
One ravioli.
Hello?
What's the matter?
Are you Hispanic?
You don't understand English too much?
I can speak Spanish.
Okay.
You talk to me in Spanish.
One huevo.
One huevo.
Okay.
Okay.
Anything else?
No, nada mas.
Okay, gracias.
What is your name?
Estupida.
Tu estupida.
No, you, puta.
You.
No, you.
Hijo de tu pinche reputa madre maricón cabrón de mierda.
You stupid.
Don't get it.
Last time I checked, I lived in the United States.
You estupido.
I used to go to the other side of that wall.
Yeah.
Well, I do too, I guess, but...
Hi, I'd like to make an order to go.
Kulo.
Okay, what would you like?
Kulo.
One eggs.
Uh-huh.
One eggs.
What up?
One eggs.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
and that and then you put it in the container okay okay all right okay how long like 10 minutes
how much is eggs i'm not sure i have to check in the computer what kind of eggs you're gonna give
me i don't know how many eggs you want i said one one stupid yeah okay you're stupid no you are
because you're just like all right i guess i can call milkman again see if he wants to be back on
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
An agent will be with you momentarily.
This call may be monitored or recorded for quality and training purposes.
Please listen to the following two options.
For new room reservations or to modify or cancel a current room reservation, please press 1.
All agents are busy assisting other callers.
Please remain on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received.
Good evening and welcome to Hard Rock Hotel San Diego.
My name is Corey.
Carlito Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
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Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Press 1 for reservations. For guest services or the front desk, press 2 to reserve a room.
Good evening. Thanks for calling the residence in Spring Hill Suites, downtown Bayfront.
This is Ashley speaking. I'm currently assisting the guests. Am I in a place you want to brief on?
...to gather. And your guests will appreciate all of our convenient amenities like complimentary Wi-Fi and breakfast buffet.
We'll be happy to provide you with more details when we return to the line.
To the line.
To the Residence Inn and Spring Hill Suites by Marriott San Diego Downtown Bayfront
Thank you for holding, how may I assist you?
Hey idiot, I'm in the bathroom
Okay, how can I help you sir?
Well, there's something wrong with the toilet
Okay, so I can send my engineering but it's still going to be a wait
Well this, I gotta take a shit
Ah, waste of time
24 hour fitness
With state of the art equipment, certified personal trainers
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Please press 7 now.
Thank you for calling 24 Hour Fitness.
It's a great day to get in shape.
It's 24 Hour Fitness, Imperial Marketplace.
How may I help you?
Hey, this is Bill with the corporate office.
How are you doing tonight?
I'm doing good.
How are you?
Pretty good.
Thank you for asking.
We're looking to, we need to do a circuit breaker test.
Okay.
Okay.
Is this a cordless phone?
We'll get to where the circuit breakers are, the power breakers?
No, no, and I'm not, I don't know where they are,
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In a few words, tell me how I can help. I'm sorry, I couldn't hear anything. For project availability, tell me the product you're looking for. Or you can say other things like order status or store hours.
Tools
I'll connect you with someone who can help.
Hello
Rome
Hey, are you tools?
Yes, this is Rome Hardware
Oh, hey, you people don't know how to use tools, right? Hello
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah, because you're really pissing me off, you know, like you don't understand what's going on.
Thanks for calling the Marketplace Home Depot.
This call may be recorded.
In a few words, tell me how I can help.
I'll connect you with someone who can help.
Yeah, hi.
I had called before and I talked about how I got some screws over there.
Was that you I was talking to?
No.
No, it wasn't.
Okay, I'm trying to put the screws through the window.
On the actual fin?
What do you mean fin?
What's that?
I don't know these technical terms.
My father raised me like a girl.
I'm a fag.
I'm a fag.
I don't know.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Around the edges of the window.
No, in the middle of the window.
I want to hang an Easter decoration.
In the middle of the window?
Yeah, in the glass.
You can't put a screw through the middle of the glass.
There's got to be a way you can do it.
I just need the right tool.
Well, you can use a glass bit and drill a hole in the window.
Okay.
Do you have those there?
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Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'll be there. I only live like fucking hours away from from the meetup. So I'll be at that one for sure. Good. First week of September, I believe. Yep. Yep. Oh, man. I use your sound effects a bunch. That's like an awesome like, you've been doing shows, right? I've seen you pop up a few times. Like, do you do shows? Good evening. 99 cents or how may I help you? Hey, do you have a cold section there? A cold section? Yeah, we have a deli section. Yeah, that's what are you looking for?
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WastedMemory.com
Live Pranks in the Hijinx Discord
Hijinx.fun slash pranks
I think
No routes found
No routes found
Last Tuesday we were doing the stink fist to everybody
That was pretty fun
The stink fist?
In massage parlors
Can I get how much for a stink fist?
Nice
United 24th
Yeah United Oil
Yes
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
The Owner Says No Information Over The Phone
The Why Answer The Fucking Phone
Yeah, go to the unitedpacific.com
And you can call the number on there and you can ask him
Okay, I gotta fart
Okay
Okay, can I fart there?
If you want
Okay, because it's a gas station, right?
Yes, sir
You can give me that information, alright
Do you have ice cream?
Uh, we have, it's a store
We have store items and we also have gas
We have cigarettes
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call the main office
We're just gonna take the water bottles
ourselves
Yeah, just call the main office
It's the United Pacific
Call your dick and fuck that guy
It's still fun
Hello, my name is Gay
I'm with the corporate office
The Southland corporate office in Texas
My name is Gay
I'm calling from Southland corporate office
7-Eleven Corporate
Okay
Did you receive the information about the recall of Diet Coke?
Diet Coke?
There's a...
Yeah, do you have...
I need you to...
We need to do a test for the Diet Coke
Okay, are you there?
Hello?
Okay, I need you to get a two liter of Diet Coke
And a Mentos, a mint Mentos
Thank you
Two liters of Diet Coke?
I don't have any more
No, we don't have any more two liter Diet Coke
No?
Call Hotel
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Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project
So, we're up in the room right now.
We're playing poker right now, and I might have put the TV up for collateral,
and I might have just lost that hand about an hour ago.
Ma'am, can you hear me?
There's some noise in the background there.
So, they're really agitated at me because they can't watch the soccer game,
and it's not technically my room, but the guy I got the room with, he's not here anymore.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
No, you didn't hear me before like they took it already like they took it. I'm not here
Like I can't get it from the table. I'm not even sure what the guy's name is anymore
I mean, we're just down the hall here like that. You should see some of the smoke billing billowing out by now
They've been smoking cigars in here. They got the window open somehow
I don't know how they did that but they got it open
I'm pretty sure this is the one like I would use the room phone, but no that's not in good shape either right now
Carlito Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman
We call him Lysol.
Carlos, is it Lysol?
I don't know.
His street name is Lysol, but we don't know what his real name is.
Yeah, man.
They're getting pretty agitated with me right now.
Can we get a TV up here?
Just send it down the hallway.
We'll flag them down.
Like, we'll have the door open.
We'll prop the door open.
I think it's 227.
Is it 212 maybe?
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Can you check on the computer where the toilet is flushing?
It doesn't show me what room it is when you flush the toilet.
Which one has the wet floor? Because there's water everywhere coming out of that bath.
I'll try it again.
Oh, Carlos. Oh, Carlos.
Carlos, no, that's the window.
God damn it!
God damn it!
Carlos, she's on a rampage.
Can I go ahead and let you go, okay?
No. No, you need to stay and help me.
I can't be
I think the smoke's off the detector now
Yeah, can you check to see where the smoke detector's going off?
That's the room
Call security and have them go up there to take that off, okay?
Does security have a TV?
They need to get some screwdrivers to get this shit hooked back up
You have a TV in your lobby
I'll send them up there
Where can we send the boys down
to get another TV?
They got cold
I don't know where you are
I just need it for a little bit
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It's always a stupid room number you know
Oh
Thank you for calling the Hilton San Diego
Mission Valley
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I'm not ready yet lately. Oh, yeah, not in hotels. Oh, oh, I'll take your showers. Yeah
They're not they're either busy or just yeah, well, they're one to know I'll clear the line. I've been on for like 20 minutes
One more and then I'm out. All right
Yeah, hi, we got like a problem here
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I don't know. You put me on hold.
Oh, yeah. When I went to get you back, you had hung up.
Shit.
I didn't get it.
What was going on?
My bad.
It was weird.
I'll do another one. That one was kind of funny.
She's like, you cannot do that.
I don't know if you heard it.
I heard it, yeah.
Yeah, I put the bank card back on.
Yeah.
You cannot do that.
It's my property for the night.
And again, with the fucking room number shit.
I don't know. First floor somewhere. I don't know.
I don't know.
This is like a single floor hotel.
I don't know what you say 12 I'm like halfway down the thing like I'm in the
parking lot halfway down that's where we park you know that's where we parked I
parked the car there and then we just walked in like I didn't look at this
thing man I'm way too drunk to read numbers right now oh my god
you're way too what way too
San Diego SDSU to make a reservation press 1 to modify an existing
Press 2 to speak to the front desk, or for any other inquiry, please press 3.
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The Poker
Cross
Hey
Hey man
What are those guys doing out there?
We're breaking the car
We're breaking the car
The mirror's on the car
I think I see the TV out there
Oh boy
I'm running outside
I think
Alright
Yeah
Hooray
That was awesome
Pretty good
Alright
I'm gonna go
I'm gonna go listen
Thanks for having me on
Alright
Thanks for joining
I'll see you later there
Let's do it
What?
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Put Together This Treadmill
How Much Water Does It Take?
Treadmill?
Yeah.
Treadmills Don't Take Water.
Well, Then How Do They Run?
An Engine.
Electrical.
An Electric Engine.
Okay, Yeah.
Motor.
I Put A Ton Of Water In There, Though.
Is It Going To Work Still?
I Don't Know.
Have You Tried Plugging It In And Running It?
I'll Try It Now.
Okay, Cool.
Uh-Oh.
That Doesn't Sound Good.
It's Making A Buzzing.
It's Making All This Electrical Noises.
What Do I Do?
I'm sorry, what was that?
It was making a bunch of electrical noise.
Um, yeah, I mean, it is going to make noise because the tread's going to be running, but, um...
No, it's making buzzing noises from the wall where the water went in.
Oh, that would probably shut it off then.
No, I'm going to run. I need to lose this weight. I'm on keto now. You understand?
Yeah, no, I got you.
I'm on keto. I'm on a weight loss journey. I'm trying to live. You understand me, right? Come on.
Yeah, I got you.
How big a boy are you?
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Thank you for calling 24-Hour Fitness.
24-Hour Fitness, this is Justin.
Yeah, hey, are you familiar with BodyFit?
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DTB Dom
DTB Dom
DTB Dom
Big Brad
Big RBCP
Big Baby Brad
Join huh
Good I'm glad you had a good show
I'm sure
Of course you had a good show
Why would I even ask that
Any type of calls you'd like to do
With me tonight
Or are you down for whatever
I'm
I gotta look
See if I got some
Parkman numbers here
Let's see
So
At the end of our show
We were getting people free
Happy birthday shit
At Applebee's
Do you want to try that
Yeah
Okay
Applebee's
Well you just say that
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Applebee's Balboa
Home of the best late night happy hour
4 hours and restaurant address
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For all other inquiries or to speak to a manager
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Thank you for calling Applebee's Balboa
Home of the best late night happy hour.
For hours and restaurant address, please press 1.
If you are ready to place a choice or to speak to a manager or team...
Carlito, um, I was binging your old shows.
You're fucking hilarious, bro.
Thanks.
You're fucking, man, you're fucking funny.
Thanks.
This is Ryan. How may I help you?
Hi, Ryan.
Hey, Ryan.
So, hey, our dad's in there,
and we were wondering if you could sing him happy birthday.
What table is he?
What does he look like?
He should be at the bar. He's just like an older looking gentleman.
He has like a baseball cap on, maybe a flannel.
He can be with our mom or maybe he's by himself.
He's not at the bar right now.
Is there anybody sitting down?
What does he look like? I'll tell you if it's him.
Yeah, glasses.
Yeah, he wears glasses.
What color is his hair?
White.
Okay, yeah, that's him.
Not really there.
I didn't want to say that. You said it, not me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to, but that's the only way you can describe.
Yeah, that's fine, dude. That's him. So, can you guys surprise him?
Don't go up and, do not go up and be like, hey, it's your birthday, hey, you know, he'll deny it.
He's done that before. So, like, you guys gotta really surprise him.
See, I can't, like, go for that because I'm like, I don't know if it's like this is a prank or not, you know what I mean?
No, it's not. Here, talk to my brother. It's not a prank, here.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hello and thank you for calling Chili's.
For to-go orders, press 2.
To speak with a manager, or for any other questions, press 3.
This message is...
You've made an invalid selection.
Hello, and thank you for calling Chili.
You said 3!
For to-go orders, press 2.
To speak with a manager, or for any other questions, press 3.
Thank you for calling Chili.
We're calling Chili. Is Claremont the smallest going to help you?
Hello, um, we're calling because my... our dad is there. He should be at the bar.
I'm sorry, let me put you on hold and go to a quieter phone.
I can barely hear you.
Okay.
Thanks.
Hungry now?
Ordering online at Chili's.com is fast and easy.
Just let us know when you'll be in, and we'll have your food ready.
I bet you she has a big, fucking, floppy pussy lip.
Yeah, probably.
Sorry about that.
Okay, you should be.
It's our dad's birthday.
He's a veteran, and he should be at the bar there drinking.
Um, okay.
Can you guys sing happy birthday to him?
What's his name?
I don't know if I want to tell you.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Oh, that's fucking funny.
Damn it.
Yeah, they didn't ask us.
We were just like, oh, yeah, he's in there.
Don't ask him his name because he'll deny it's him.
And they all fucking went with it.
Oh, and then Brad got the dude on the phone.
He told him, dude, shut up and go with it.
We know it's not your birthday.
Just go with it.
We're going to try and get your meal for free.
And there he is.
All right, you start this one off.
The number you have reached has been disconnected or is not.
Maybe not that one.
Thank you for calling Applebee's and Hot Chips.
This is Daniella.
How can I help you?
Hello, Dom you disappeared. Oh, I didn't put him on. Shit. That's my bad. Sorry Dom, I fucked that up. There, you should be connected now. Dom, you hear me?
Yep.
Thank you for calling Applebee's in Hodgkins. How can I help you?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello? Yeah, hey, um, so me and my brother were calling because we're going to be late. Our dad's in there. It's his birthday. He's going to get really upset.
So we were wondering if you guys could just surprise him with like the little birthday song and some cake. You guys do that, right?
Well, we do it with a brownie bite, but we'd have to know, like, who your dad is, who he's with, stuff like that.
His name is Derek. He's in there. He's an older-looking gentleman.
Is there a guy in there? He, like, wears a baseball cap.
Maybe he has glasses on, like, reading glasses. Maybe not.
An older-looking guy.
Probably wearing a flannel. He's probably...
I can put you on hold and look. Just a second, okay?
Okay. All right.
Ah, the joys of cooking.
Just find a recipe, get the ingredients, preheat the oven.
Okay, this is already too much.
Pull up Applebee's to go instead choose from the whole menu order and pay online pick it up
And now you're home with dinner. Yeah, I was listening to your old episode where you were like calling people
They were lost their wallet good in the day, but this is
Just find a recipe
Was it like okay? This is already Craig's this thing that they love Applebee's to go instead choose from the yeah
You got two people to talk to each other
Applebee's to go.
It's so funny, and then you, like, whispered, you're like, I'm going to kick your ass.
And then you got all pissed off at the other guy.
Okay, this is already too much.
Oh, dude, it's fucking funny. I was dying.
Choose from the whole menu, order and pay online, pick it up, and now you're home with dinner.
Ah, the joys of not cooking.
Applebee's to go.
Now that's eating good in the neighborhood.
Ah, the joys of cooking.
Just find a recipe, get the ingredients, preheat the oven.
Okay, this is already too much.
How are you feeling with everything, dude? Everything going good?
Yeah, everything's getting better, I'll say.
Pick it up, and now you're home with dinner.
That's good.
I feel really bad that I'm behind on podcast editing.
I keep pointing it off.
Nah, dude, just don't like even, I guess,
because everybody that's a real fucking fan of yours,
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Well, I'm only 20.
Yeah, the only people in here are, like, younger people that are in their 20s.
Here, talk to my brother, Cross.
Hey, this is Cross.
We're trying to find our dad.
It's his birthday.
We wanted to get him a happy birthday song to him.
I just told the other person that I don't see anybody in here with that description.
Okay, nobody with a baseball cap, mustache?
No.
Well, you got to do something.
Can you just sing it?
Can you just sing it in general, please?
Hey, Cross, I'm in the bathroom. Can you hear it?
Yeah, can you check the bathroom?
Can you hear me in the bathroom?
Can you check my...
Why don't you guys come in and sing to him?
Because that's not our job.
What's your name? How about we sing to you?
How about you do your fucking job?
Huh? You like that?
Talking like that doesn't bother me.
But what I'm saying is...
Okay, you dumb bitch.
...you're trying to play games on the phone.
Nobody's playing, you stupid bitch.
If it doesn't bother you, why don't you lick my ass and let me fart in your mouth?
You can do that to your brother.
No, I don't like that.
I already did.
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Hey, what's up? Hey, what's up?
Hey, you sound like a gay guy. What's up girl? Are you sexy? I am a gay guy. Hello. I'm gonna check you out
I'm I'm a gay guy, too. I'm a gay guy too. What's up?
Check you out. Hey, um, you want to know my name? Yeah, what's your name?
Here talk to her uncle talk to her uncle listen you're making me angry lady
Oh, really?
Yeah.
You're making us angry by calling.
Ooh.
Your feelings hurt.
You do have to do your job.
Oh, I'm so angry.
Here, talk to my girlfriend right here.
Hey, how's it going?
Hi.
Hi, so we need someone to sing happy birthday to our dad.
Hello.
Hey, listen, we go to Berkeley, all right?
We're on the rowing team.
We're important.
I'm from Oakland.
We're the Winklevoss twins.
Hang on, I'll open her.
She's pissed me off.
Big thanks to Trump Tart on YouTube who's donated a super chat.
And he says, Ben showed calls.
All right, we can do those.
Okay, let's get some bhenchos. I also got park members again
I'm not good at bhencho call, but I would love to hear you do one. All right. Thanks. Yeah, I don't know
I can't piss them off. I can't I don't know something about maybe just my voice the way I talk big fucking laugh at me
They know I'm bitch they know I'm bitch nigga, I'm bitch made
They have so much confidence that they fear themselves.
I ain't no crook, son. I'm a shook one.
Aries is a fireside.
Whatever happened to Prodigy?
Whatever happened to Prodigy?
R.I.P.
Prodigy died?
Isn't he?
No, you just said R.I.P.
Good evening, Roger Barr.
Hello?
Hello?
Yeah, hey, are you a ballerina?
Sorry?
Are you a ballerina? Do you wear a skirt? A dress?
This is a restaurant, Roger Barr. Indian restaurant.
Namashka, how are you?
Fine, how are you?
Hi, sir.
Hey, Ram Ram, I want to make an order, please.
We are closed now, sir.
You fucking you?
Sorry?
You fucking you?
Why?
Why you fucking you?
I said we are closed.
You fucking...
Mind your language.
No, fuck you, bhenchod.
Mind your language.
Fuck.
Oh, shit.
All right.
Okay, no.
That one's closed, too.
I always get them, but not when I'm on my show or when I...
Like, when they call me, they try to pull some scam calls.
Yeah, I keep trying to get them to give me a phone number to call back at,
but they always hang right up when I say that.
Because I figure I'm trying to pull a joke on them.
I get one back, but then after I call once, it'll fucking tell me it's disconnected.
It'll say, this number is now disconnected.
They're tired of being fucked with.
Alright, this is not an Indian restaurant.
This is Flaming Walk and Grill.
Alright, maybe they'll be Chinese.
Sometimes the Chinese get angry and nasty.
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Cal Boo Just trying to hang up.
Boo Boo Boo Boo
Alright there. Clear to final.
What happened?
Not really good music.
I like that music.
Can you pick that?
Or is it like automatically loaded?
What's that?
Oh the whole music? You can pick it
in the program in the
in the PBX
software you can upload an mp3 but that's
what came with the stock.
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I'd like to make an order, monkey.
Yeah, all right, sir.
Okay, one butter chicken.
What else?
Do you have any kofta?
Malai kofta or butter turkey kofta?
Malai kofta sounds good. What's in that?
Okay.
Spicy level, what do you like?
Very spicy.
Okay.
Okay, all right.
And butter chicken rice, spicy level also?
Yeah, yeah, shut up.
One chicken tikka masala?
Masala?
Do you have anything with paneer in it, motherfucker?
Sanjay, do you have anything with paneer in it, motherfucker?
Hey, I gotta take a break there, Dom the Bomb.
Thanks for joining me.
Yay, thanks for having me.
Thank you.
I sent you over that jazz version of So Fresh, So Clean.
It's one of my favorites.
If you want to just give that a listen later on.
It's pretty fucking dope.
Okay.
All right, buddy.
Yeah.
See you later.
Bye.
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The Return of the Black Moles with No Fears
It's eerie like that documentary on Lisa Lopez
Pentagrams, pyramids, conspiracies with go-heads
Knock down the levees, knock down the projects
Start another project, build another object
A drive-thru touchscreen doctrine for me to digest
All right, we're back. Thank you, everyone, for hanging in there during the break.
We don't have much longer to go.
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Sexy Widows Peek
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Carlito Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank
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The Dwight McClanahan Show
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Don't know or you don't know don't comma no are you know are you in Alaska yes okay I took those
posters down I think well about three or four days ago hold it all right well don't get snippy
with me all right I've been out of what do people do with egg cartons do I hear something really
weird I come into work and about once a week there's somebody who leaves empty egg cartons
on the table in a break room I don't know why they do that they have to be bringing them in
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
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Blow Your Mini-Me
Thank you for calling American Eagle.
Please listen carefully, as our menu options may have changed.
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KTVA Live
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The Best I Can Do Is Take Your Tip And Float It Around There With Certain Law Enforcement Agencies To See If They've Heard Anything But I'm Not Going To Send A Crew Down To The Airport To Confront This Guy
That's Not Really How The News Works I Don't Know If You've Been Watching Too Many Movies That's Just Not How It Works At Least Not Here
I Don't Know How They Do It In Other Markets But That's Not How It Works Here
Well, you know, can you guys get Dan Ratherer to help out?
He's not here in Alaska.
Yeah, but he travels everywhere.
I'll shoot him an email and ask.
Yeah, ask him what the frequency is and all that, you know?
Yeah, I will.
All right, thanks for calling.
I've got to get back to work.
And then you pull down your pants and your panties, you know?
I've got to get back to work.
Thanks for calling.
Okay, bye.
All right, have a good one.
Bye, motherfucker.
Hold him down.
All right.
All right, the Gambra's Helpline.
I called this with Dino a few weeks ago where I said I needed help.
Thank you for calling the Tennessee Redline, a free confidential referral helpline for mental health, addictions, and recovery services in Tennessee.
Your call is very important to us.
You may call back later or leave a message, and someone will get back to you as soon as possible.
If this is an emergency, please call your local crisis services or the following statewide hotline, 855-274-7471.
Please leave a message or press the number sign.
I sent you some numbers there, Carlito, on the chat.
I see that. Thank you.
Only got like 10 minutes left to show.
Ah, fuck them.
Yeah, I'll try to knock them out.
I doubt the statewide line.
What the fuck?
Yeah, is this for gambling help?
This is the suicide hotline.
Well, I was calling the gambling helpline, and it said to call here.
Okay.
Are you looking for counseling services?
Well, I need gambling help right now, actually.
I need some assistance getting a credit line extension.
I'm at the casino, and I'm down.
But I know I can get back in the game, you know?
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Hair Club TV
What the hell?
What the hell is that? I gotta call that.
Hang on, that's the park band one. Give me a second.
Parenting Hotline
Hello?
Yes, hi, you've reached Hair Club, sir.
Is this the first time that you've called us?
Yes.
Thank you, and who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?
Akulo.
And your last name?
Well, that is my last name, A-C-U-L-O.
Choch.
C-H-O-C-H-E.
Well, I'm calling for my balls.
My balls, my sexual organs.
Well, there's hair on my balls, too.
It's not a positive situation.
Thank you for participating in our survey.
Please use your telephone keypad to enter your answers regarding the service you received today.
Focusing on the agent you spoke with.
No, I don't want to leave a bad review for her.
It's going to affect her.
Done.
Brain pill information.
Yeah.
You need Dwight.
You're stupid.
Thank you for calling the Leading Edge Health Order and Customer Service Center.
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Thank you. Please hold while we connect you to the first available customer support specialist.
I'll be so fresh
I'm trying to be light
Cause I can't cheat death
Leading Edge House
Customer Service
Anna speaking
How may I help you?
Your name is Anna?
Yeah, my name is Anna
Your name is the same way
Same backwards and forwards, huh?
Yep
That's called Automatopoeia
Yes, it is
Okay
I'm calling
I need some information about the brain pills
My friend Dwight
I want to get him for him
Because he's stupid
Okay
Would you like to know
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A natural product. That's what nootropics are. Does it have choline in it?
Brain fart. It has cognizant. That sounds like some snake oil.
Tyler, I'm not stupid. Oh, my brain.
Oh, my brain. I need to know if this is actually a serious call and if you're really serious about the product.
I have a brain fart. I got a brain fart.
Yeah, this sounds not very. Yeah, I think I'm going to have to let you go.
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Thank you for calling the Leading Edge Health Order and Customer Service Center.
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Keeps hanging up on me, motherfucker.
Alright, Friday, late night recovery.
This will wrap it up for the night.
But don't worry, Dwight will be on tomorrow night.
And then there will be a movie night.
Welcome to Free Conference.
Please enter your access code or PIN followed by the pound sign.
I requested Hot Shots Part Deux.
She says she did, she better have.
Sorry, the access code or PIN you entered is invalid.
Welcome to free conference.
Well, let me dial a pound sign.
You will now enter the conference.
I find that as somebody else shared, we're doing absolutely nothing now.
The only thing that matters right now is how they act, and so I have to live that out.
So I just went over a little bit because we're running out of shares.
But anyway, thank you for your share.
We're all for Mike's share.
Hi, this is Danny again. Um, can I double dip? Excuse me, double dip really quick. Yeah, go ahead, Danny. Okay, it'll be quick. Um, so I was kind of rambling. I had a lot of thoughts. But, um, the most important thing that I don't think I mentioned. Do you know what the commands are? Hello? Hello? Hello? Thank you. Shut up. Go ahead. Somebody. Is there somebody on the dashboard? May have to need it.
Okay, go ahead Danny. So regarding, you know, partners or people that we've heard Danny, I think I'm gonna have to try to meet it. Hold on. Asshole. Yeah, she sounds like she's got an incredible fucking rat. Yeah. Okay, are you there? I am. All right, go ahead. Wait a minute. Hold on. Can you hear me? Okay, you can hear me. Go ahead. Unmuted. Okay, thank you. Sounds like we got have some late night tools to our board on a Friday night.
Madhouse Live
I got to take a shit. Shut up. I got to take a shit. I'm taking a shit.
Please stop doing that and come back when you're ready.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to fuck a lot. Like, I encourage that.
It's not okay for you to be doing that. Stop it now.
Oh, in that case, I better stop.
We better go to church.
You better stop it, yes. Thank you.
You don't need to go to church, but you need to be a special tree recovery partner.
Are you guys in the scat?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I think what I'll do is just say the serenity prayer while you do that nutty stuff in the background because it's so unacceptable.
God grant me the serenity.
Entry and exit chimes are on.
Muted.
Unmuted.
Muted.
You have been muted by the moderator.
Okay, this is where the moderator can unmute your line.
You have been muted by the moderator.
Only the moderator can unmute your line.
If you switched numbers, I bet that wouldn't be an effect.
All right, I'm going to read the unity prayer.
All right, I can do that.
Please stop, please.
Let's change the fucking number.
Love the train.
Welcome to free conference.
Please enter your access code or PIN followed by the pound sign.
I lost your chat.
I can't lose the train Steamin' out in Castroni
You will now enter the conference. Muted.
I'm LeBron, but I won't ever unmute.
Alright, now. Unmuted.
Okay, can y'all hear me? Alright, can y'all hear me now?
Yeah. Yeah.
We're going back unmuted and we're gonna go back to my green book if I can find it
All right, we've had our fun.
Okay, I have what is a sex addict?
Sex is a natural and enjoyable part of life.
It can be beautiful, happy, and bonding experience.
So how can it be an addiction?
Real Time
We Face These Questions All The Time
They Come From A Worldwide Misunderstanding
Alright
Poor Damn People
Alright Dwight thank you
You Have A Good Show Tomorrow
I'm Sure I'll Join You
I Fell Asleep Last Week
I know I had to kick you from the bed because you were snoring down the air.
I kept waking up.
I kept hearing you saying, Carlito, wake up.
And I heard someone else saying, and I would wake up.
Was I really snoring?
I'm sorry.
Yeah, we were like, oh, let's start saying some weird shit and fuck with his dreams.
No, man.
Really?
I had a weird dream last night that I was hanging out with Johnny Cash.
Oh, shit.
He took you to the burning ring of fire?
At Disney World.
It was really weird.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I know.
He was grooming me for sexual things.
Oh, my.
Was he a priest?
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I'm on look for me on
TuneIn Radio on your TuneIn Radio
App if you use that Stitcher
And all that stuff wherever
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Prank Night in America Friday nights and every Friday night at 10 p.m. Pacific 10 p.m. Eastern 7 p.m. Pacific. Peace out putos

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