MadhouseLive

What Do I Do?

15 Dec 2019 · 3 h 27 min · 15,318 words · source

Calls (40, 1 h 37 min of 3 h 27 min)

  1. Barnes & Noble asked about book titled Shits live 2.3 min clip ↓
  2. Barnes & Noble lost diabetes device live 5.3 min clip ↓
  3. Madhouse Live intro playback playback 3.6 min clip ↓
  4. Barnes & Noble restroom incident report live 1.8 min clip ↓
  5. Call Nation Madhouse Live shoe request live 1.3 min clip ↓
  6. Foot Locker shoe service inquiry live 2.1 min clip ↓
  7. Best Buy automated repair menu ivr 5.3 min clip ↓
  8. Home Depot prank call live 33 s clip ↓
  9. Panda Express bathroom prank live 2.1 min clip ↓
  10. Olive Garden automated menu ivr 1.1 min clip ↓
  11. Hometown Buffet all-you-can-eat pasta live 33 s clip ↓
  12. Hometown Buffet restroom call live 33 s clip ↓
  13. Barnes & Noble order food in bathroom live 8.1 min clip ↓
  14. Bathroom prank call to Taco Bell live 1.3 min clip ↓
  15. Mexican restaurant asked about taco digestion ivr 2.8 min clip ↓
  16. Pollo Dorado asked about gang territory live 1.3 min clip ↓
  17. Time Warner cable customer asked about computer live 33 s clip ↓
  18. Prank call nation repeated playback 1.1 min clip ↓
  19. Hotel restaurant voicemail ivr 48 s clip ↓
  20. Madhouse Live caller insulted live 33 s clip ↓
  21. Madhouse Radio caller live 1.1 min clip ↓
  22. Restaurant parking lot confrontation live 1.8 min clip ↓
  23. Call Nation Madhouse Live playback live 13.1 min clip ↓
  24. Call Nation Madhouse Live automated message ivr 3.1 min clip ↓
  25. Call Nation Madhouse Live apartment prank live 2.6 min clip ↓
  26. Daniel Radcliffe signature gig live 1.1 min clip ↓
  27. French bulldog adoption inquiry live 1.1 min clip ↓
  28. Russian caller insulted on air live 48 s clip ↓
  29. Voicemail left on mouth line voicemail 33 s clip ↓
  30. Caller asked to play sound effects live 2.6 min clip ↓
  31. Red and Old Baby store bathroom prank live 48 s clip ↓
  32. Prank Nation caller denies being Parkman live 33 s clip ↓
  33. Call Nation Madhouse Live playback playback 33 s clip ↓
  34. Call Nation Madhouse Live playback playback 33 s clip ↓
  35. Call Nation Madhouse Live playback live 2.3 min clip ↓
  36. Voicemail after busy signal voicemail 1.1 min clip ↓
  37. Red jacket John at bar live 1.1 min clip ↓
  38. Prank caller mistaken for bathroom arrest live 11.8 min clip ↓
  39. Listener complains about race comment live 1.3 min clip ↓
  40. Playback of Flanders robocaller clip playback 7.1 min clip ↓

Transcript

I'm trying to figure out why you want someone to go a check in the bathroom for the guy to meet in the bathroom
And I'm gonna give you a heads up sir that if you use that that we do not use on that tour of language
Yeah, this line is just a professional line. Yeah, and I'm gonna have to ask you to please refrain from you
That's you know what inappropriate conversation, but I don't appropriate phone call. I don't understand what you're trying to say
I can't help you if I don't know your name I'm a normal kind of dude I do one weird thing
I like to eat soup and breadsticks and and uh drink water while I'm doing number two
in the women's room okay I've been caught before and I've paid dearly for it the cops
I'm in the streets listening to Madhouse Live I hope my speech can compete with that
bad mouth style that we get from Carlito that's my big amigo so just kick back to listen to
this cat call people when this show goes live I'll be like damn this shit's bitchin' stop
whatever I'm doing to tune in and listen you can catch me in the back of his home at Horse
Machine Ranch Road I'm busting mad fat flows for assholes and banchos my spit crazy shout
Madhouse Live
Show love Just take your motherfucking hands
Left some dosing close But they can't get it right
Let the king do his thing It's time for madhouse
You hear about what's going on in there?
Heard a lot of bullshit talk. I know that much.
This isn't bullshit, my friend.
You know something?
Don't listen to them.
What do you know?
Maybe I do and maybe I don't.
What I say is that they got no business negotiating.
We ought to go back in there with a bullet
for everybody in the yard.
Oh, is that right?
We do it now or we do it later.
Later ain't going to be no use!
Am I right, Hal?
Wait a minute, Frank.
ise a lot of angry guys in there black Muslims Panthers young lords besides you the average
anti-socials we gotta go in right clean your clocks ladies and gentlemen this is
operation are Sunday 10 a.m to 8 p.m and 9 a.m to 9 p.m Monday through Saturday if you'd like
to speak to a bookseller please remain on the line do you mean to keep calling Barnes & Noble
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Can you read back that portion?
Yes, so we do not have a book that's under just that title.
So there's Badass Sticky Notes, there's a Badass Journal.
That's all there is, ass-related?
Yes.
There's Big Badass Book of Shots.
Like, is that Shots, S-H-O-T-S?
Yes.
Okay, I thought it was like shits, that being.
Oh, no, are you looking for something like that?
Well, do you have a book called Shits?
No, we don't.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Big Huge Talking Story
Guys Here but I'm not gonna send a customer into the bathroom. I'm not saying customer. I'm saying a worker who's a male
No, I'm not sending anyone to look in the bathroom for you. I left something in the bathroom. Can someone go look for it?
Hold on. Okay. Um can I help you? What are you doing?
I am trying to figure out why you want someone to go check in the bathroom for the guy to meet in the bathroom
I'm look I left something in the bathroom. You left something in the bathroom. What did you leave in the bathroom?
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All you need is Cross, I said.
No, because you'd have to come into the store to pick it up, and you'll have a trespass warrant, so you can't come into the store.
Okay, so then you need to work something else out with me, then.
Okay.
I'm not going to put myself, you know, I have a Fifth Amendment right.
I don't have to tell you my name if it's going to put me in danger.
If you want to, listen, if you want to recover your property, I need your full name.
Cross is all you need.
Great, what's your last name, Cross?
All you need is Cross.
Okay, then what's your phone number?
It's the local area code, 216.
2018
Great, if I find anything I'll call you
No, but I'm not going to answer that phone number
If you call that number I won't call it
So if I find anything in the men's restroom
That fits that description I will give you a call
Otherwise I think we're good
That number won't work incoming
Why?
I have an outgoing number only
Okay, well I haven't had anything turned in
And I don't have anyone who can go into the restroom and check for you right now
Listen, what if my blood sugar goes down too low right now?
I have no way of knowing
Okay, why did you come into my store to begin with?
Do you know what the term cruising is?
Okay.
Come on, lady.
Thank you for calling Barnes & Noble Booksellers.
Do you know what you're looking for?
Hey, Barnes & Noble, how can I help you?
Yes, sir.
I called earlier and a woman told me that there were no men that were available to help me out.
Uh-huh.
That looks like it's an inaccurate statement.
What was your name?
My name's Cross.
Okay.
Could you hold the rope for a second?
What I need is, what was your name?
Brandon.
Brandon, okay, and where are you going?
Could you hold on for a second? Thank you.
Thank you for calling. This is Danica. How can I help you?
Hey, Danny. Danny?
This is Danica. How can I help you?
Oh, hi. Yeah. Brandon was supposed to be checking in, checking on something for me,
and then the supervisor, I guess, was supposed to get on.
I can hear in the back. Can you please have her come on the phone immediately?
She's trying to figure something out right now. She'll be right with you, okay?
I'm going to keep you on hold.
What is she figuring out? What is she trying to figure out?
What is it that you're looking for, sir?
I left the diabetes machine.
Yes, that's what she's looking for right now.
Did she find it?
She's working on it right now, sir.
I'm going to put you on hold.
Well, please don't put me on hold.
He's just cussing out my employee right now because he wants to talk to me.
Am I cussing you out?
I haven't said anything mean to you, right, Danny?
Danica?
I'm going to put you on hold, sir.
Well, Danica, but tell me the truth.
Have I said any curse words to you?
Let's just call the cops, right?
There's Lieberman.
She's calling the cops, and I'm cussing, but I'm not cussing.
You see how they are?
You see how people just want to embellish when they call the police just to make things more urgent?
It's a felony.
What she's doing right now, lying to emergency services dispatch, saying that I'm doing something that I'm not doing.
Just saying.
My glucom.
I just need my goddamn glucomator.
Okay, everyone, this is Madhouse Radio.
I'm Carlito Cross.
No, I'm not.
But I'm Carlito. I guarantee that much. My name is Carlito and I'm the host of this here show. Please visit madhouselive.com where there are many, many links to tune into the show. Follow me on social media. They are all over at madhouselive.com.
I would like to thank everyone listening via audio feed via shoutcast tune in and other applications on mobile devices. Shout out to y'all. Thanks to everyone listening on mixlr.com slash prank call nation. Shout out to you guys. That chat room is active. Shout out to everyone who's in the hijinks discord right now. Hijinks dot fun slash pranks. Shout out to y'all. A special shout out to everyone on the madhouse radio discord. All them horses.
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Closed Captions by The Closed Captions Project
Madhouse Live
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Call Nation Madhouse Live
Yeah, thank you for calling Barnes & Noble. This is Allison. Hi, how you doing there Allison? I'm calling
Regarding an incident that I had in your restroom facility about 10 minutes ago. Okay, what happened?
Well, it's a funny thing. You should see what happened
what happened is I was in there and I found a
It looks like a kit that possibly a diabetic
Would have been using and it looked like it may have been left behind
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Madhouse Live
This is the guy that was masturbating.
Okay, I'm coming, I'm coming.
She's fucking booking it out the door right now.
Oh my god!
What's up, gentlemen?
Hey, Big Jack TV.
Hey, I just wanted to call and say what's up.
I was trying to call the phone number, but I was like, what the fuck?
I'm too VIP for that, so I just called you on Skype.
Oh, yeah.
If you had me on Skype, you'd call on Skype.
That's how it goes.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
This is a marijuana snooze?
No, it was some shit that Cassander was talking about him and Axel and then Axel started talking about snooze.
And I was like, I've been looking at that marijuana snooze.
Are you bowling there, Jack? Is that the deal?
To the meetup?
No, no, now are you bowling?
No, I'm at my hangout spot. I just was going to call and say stupid shit and then hang out.
Oh, okay.
He's going to karaoke.
Yeah, karaoke.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
All right, I'll see you later. Bye guy. All right. Bye Dwight. Merry Christmas and thank you for calling JCPenney. One moment, please.
Shoe department? Yes. Oh, I didn't specify shoe department. Yes, I think you have a shoe extension. Do you have shoe extension? Excuse me? Do you have shoe extension? Do I have shoe extension? Yeah. No, I do not. You just said I had the shoe extension.
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I want full service.
Okay.
My customer service will extend for me providing the shoe for you.
I'll bring you the shoe.
But put it on.
But you put it on for me, please.
Okay.
If you need some assistance putting on a shoe, I will help you with that.
Do you have the shoe horn?
Yes, we have shoe horns here.
Okay.
But, you know, do you know what I mean when there's some shoe places that don't do this,
like Walmart shoes?
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I need a size 11. Do you have Chuck Taylors?
What type of shoe are you looking for, sir?
Chuck Taylors.
Taylors.
Yeah. Do you have Converse here?
Yes, we do have Converse here.
Okay, give me some Converse.
Please bring them.
Please.
Please bring Converse to me in the toilet.
That's not going to happen, buddy.
Oh, come on, because I'm going to be here a while.
Well, you know, they treated me much nicer at the Foot Locker.
Don't you know that?
Hey buddy.
You're an asshole.
I'm trying to help you out, bud.
Alright, I'm just going to finish taking my shit and I'm just going to leave this fucking store.
I'm going to...
You know what?
I'm going to put the...
I'm going to put my toilet paper on the...
I'm going to rub it all over the walls in here.
I'm not going to...
I didn't...
I'm not putting it in the toilet.
Good, buddy.
I'm not putting it in the toilet, alright?
I already flushed the toilet and everything and I'm not going to put the toilet paper in there.
I'm going to rub it on...
I'm going to make curse words on the wall here in the handicap stall with shit.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
All right, we'll call Foot Locker now.
They were much nicer.
Is this the kind of shoe place?
What?
Is this the kind of shoe place?
No, this is not that shoe place.
This is not the shoe...
Fuck him, right?
He doesn't sell shoes.
He's not Al Bundy.
I'll call there and ask for Al Bundy to help you.
No.
That's something a loser Facebook guy would say to me to do.
Oh, I'll do it, but...
No, I don't want to do that.
So, dude, what happened with the days?
You know, where can you go to get, like, you know what I'm talking about, like, the
Albany service, you know?
You know, you go to the shoe place and they put the shoe on you real nice.
It was in New York City.
You know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, yeah, uh, yeah, yeah.
You know, he'll insult a fat woman if need be.
Yeah.
Albany service.
I was like, I don't know, I don't know when they let women start, blah, blah, blah.
I don't know when they let women start driving cars, carrying mace.
They had a whole bunch of them.
One of my favorite ones was when he was insulting this fat woman.
She goes, how dare you say that to my face?
He goes, I'd say it to your back, but I only have a half a tank of gas.
What was the name of his friend that worked there, the black dude?
He was a football player in real life, wasn't he?
Like the actor.
Buck?
No, it wasn't Buck.
Buck was a dog.
That was a dog.
Yeah.
Are you fine?
I hear you typing over there.
I'm a typing.
Type away.
I'll see you soon.
I'll see you soon.
I mean I can see his face african-american nice mustache football pants on not football
pants but like big football ass on him you know fucking gary shoes gary gary was a woman too
remember when gary showed up but it was a chick anyway hey if anyone wants to call in 405-396-6884
is the number in the ring you can do that you do that griff was his name griff that's fun
Call Nation Madhouse Live
If you know these things, to check on the status of an existing repair, press 1.
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For questions, if you have your device with you and need immediate technical assistance, it's as easy as going to BestBuy.com.
Click the services tab and choose to either set up an appointment at your local geek squad or chat with one of our agents by clicking chat with an agent.
If your situation is unrelated,
Just fuck Best Buy. I hate that store like a motherfucker.
I hate Best Buy like a motherfucker, Dwight.
They fucked me already earlier.
Yeah, they did. I know your story, and I'm not going to just say your story.
They sent it twice.
Did you get it a third time then, or what?
No, they said they didn't have the option to reship a second time,
so they just gave me my money back and told me to fuck off, basically.
Wow. Ignorant, right?
And then I waited a week to send their shit back.
We're calling Reading Theater. Joe, this is Rob. How can I help you?
Hello?
Hello.
Hello.
Yeah, hey.
This is Trader Joe's.
Could you say that again?
Yeah, this is Trader Joe's.
My name's Rob.
How can I help you?
Oh, hey.
I'm here in the toilet.
Okay.
All right.
In the bathroom in Trader Joe's at your store.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Did you have an issue?
Yeah.
What do I do?
What do you mean?
You're in the toilet.
In the bath?
In the toilet room.
Okay.
You know, the men's toilet?
Yes, I know what the men's room is.
What did you need?
Well, what do I do?
What do you mean, what do you do?
Well, I'm here.
I really don't understand your question, sir.
I don't know how to do.
I don't know what to do in here.
What do I do in here?
What's this for?
You should have told me.
Hey, I'm not talking about the three seashells.
I don't know what to do with these.
Oh, yeah, the three seashells.
The three seashells story.
All right, I took your echo away.
I'm sorry about that, sir.
Please don't be mad.
Oh, it's okay.
All right, and let's call them back.
Or them, you know, maybe someone else.
I've been thinking about this all week, just saying this.
Thanks for calling Ring Trader Joe's. This is Rob. How can I help you?
Rob, please, just help me. What do I do, man?
I don't know what your question means.
I'm in the bathroom.
I understand.
The restroom, because there's not a bath here. It's a restroom?
What do you need in the restroom, sir? I don't know what your question is.
There's a commode in here, and I guess you sit here?
Yeah, that's, you know what? Inappropriate conversation. Inappropriate phone call.
What do I do?
I don't understand what you're trying to say.
I mean, I'm not trying to be crass, buddy, sir.
I just, I don't, what do I, how do I do this?
You want me to come back there and show you what to do?
Well, hey, sailor.
I mean, if you want to come back here, yeah.
Okay, I'll be there in a minute.
All right, buddy.
All right, sailor.
I've never heard that offer before.
Yeah, I've just been wanting to call places.
I'll be like, yeah, what do I do?
How do I do this?
Jack dropped off a number where he's at and a guy to ask for.
Okay.
I've got a lot of numbers, but I will get to that.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
What are you confused by, sir?
Well, what am I supposed to do?
I am unsure what you're trying to get me to help you with, sir.
Well, I came here to the restroom in the store.
The restroom.
It said men's.
Well, I say, you know, you can use your restroom and then you can come out if you're having some troubles.
We can try to find someone to help you or some assistance if you're having some sort of difficulty.
But I don't know what to do.
Well, I can't help you with that one, sir.
What do I do in here?
Call Home Depot
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Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I want that prank. I want that fart sound effect. It's funny.
Nunu says use that Chinese restaurants. I'm in the toilet. What do I do?
It might. Let's try it with a Panda Express to start out with.
Here we go. Yeah.
And I got numbers for things for sale. We got Parkman numbers. You know how it goes.
You know how it goes.
Parkman's got numbers.
He does.
I doubt.
You have to call the exchange before you can call the numbers.
Mr. John, how can I help you?
Hi.
Hello.
Hello?
Hi, I'm in the bathroom, the toilet, the restroom.
Okay.
Okay. I'm here, what do I do?
Hello? Yeah, what do I do? I'm here. I'm waiting.
What?
Well, right now I'm in the men's restroom. The men's room here.
If you're waiting on something in the bathroom, then it's probably not my problem, it's yours.
Well, I don't know what to do here.
You can figure it out.
Well, I'm waiting for food.
Well, the bathroom's probably not a good place to wait for food.
Well, how do I make it go?
Hopes and dreams.
You're an asshole, you know that? You stupid motherfucker, you.
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Seeding Information
Simply Visit OliveGarden.com
To Join Our Online Waitlist
Save Your Spot In Line
Thank You For Calling OliveGarden
This Is Aubrey
How May I Be Of Service
Hey
Hello
Yeah I Heard You Have
All You Can Eat Pasta
And It Comes With Bread
And Breadsticks
And Soup
It's All You Can Eat Pasta
Right Now
But If You Give Me Just A Second
I'll Check For You
Cause Fucking Dwight Said That
On The Radio Last Week
And He Said It Was A Promotion
So You Better Honor It
Okay I'll
I'm Here
I'm Here At The Restaurant
Right Now
I'm In The Bathroom
I have a problem also, but you should find out. All right. All right. I will hurry up that guy that one dude that black
Did you agree with you last week? Was that your show the white show thing?
We just said that in a prank like that. Yeah, they got free. Oh, you can you pause it?
It goes to bread sticks and soup because again
It was two shows ago
These are
A few of my favorite racist things to say
I'm Max
Thank you for calling Hometown Buffet
Now offering bulk meals for your next meeting or party
This is Manuel, how may I help you?
I heard you guys have all-you-can-eat soup and pasta
All-you-can-eat pasta and soup and breadsticks comes with it
Uh, I'm sorry?
I heard you guys here
I'm here at the restaurant now
And I heard that you guys had all-you-can-eat pasta
And soup and breadsticks come with it
This is Hometown Buffet
Yeah
Um, we do have pasta
We have garlic bread. Are you talking about soup? You have soup? Of course we have soup. And it's all you can eat? Correct. So wouldn't that be a correct statement? Yes. But there's other food too besides the soup and salad. I'm not interested in that. I'm not interested in that. I didn't ask you what other foods you had. And I didn't say only that. I said that you had all you can eat. Hello? What? Hello? Yes. Here we go. The fake I can't hear you. Right? Asshole.
Hello? Hello? Oh my god. So the boss doesn't know.
Hey, Nate's a sweet asshole.
I'm from a fan ready. Now I'll find bulk milk for your next meet and party. This is Debbie. How may I help you?
Yeah, I'm here right now. I'm in your men's restroom.
Yes.
Okay.
Who is this?
My name is Eddie, and I'm in the men's restroom.
Are you okay?
Well, I'm a little confused here as to what's going on.
Hold on. I'll send someone in there.
Well, you don't understand what's going on. Don't send anyone in here to look at me.
I think I've overdone the idea she was looking you square in the penis and I don't like that no no one likes that but it happens it happens sometimes especially by a stranger I mean I wonder if that manager ever got out there and maybe she found some weird guy and thought it was me some guy with a diabetic diabetic monitoring kit just have to get all fucked up I'm considering calling again that's why you would have to talk are you against talking
I'm really drunk, so talking is, like, number one on my list.
It's fine.
Yeah, it's fine.
It's fine.
It's fine.
You can do it.
Okay.
You ready?
Okay.
Yeah, I'm good.
You're just going to say that you found a diabetes monitor.
I got you.
Yeah.
And you're in the parking lot, and you found what looks to be a diabetes monitor in the
parking lot on the ground.
And then I'm going to come, and then I'm going to show up, all right?
And we'll go from there.
All right.
All right.
Let me get some...
Let's see.
See I got sound effects to make us sound like we're outside here, uh, restaurant, no, road noise, I think.
Yeah, let's just call.
Yeah, wing it.
Let's see where we got the number.
Did you get all your Christmas shopping?
Or you're Jehovah's Witness, never mind.
No, I'm not.
Yeah you are, yeah you are.
Come on, why are you embarrassed to be a witness?
We're calling Barnes & Noble Booksellers.
You know what you're looking for, so why wait?
With a few clicks of you, I'll be so blue.
Hey, I'm out here in the parking lot. I found it looks like a diabetes testing kit. There's a bunch of those those needles and the probes. Would you like to bring it into the store? Is that okay? Oh, sure. I can. Yeah. Hey, buddy. Hey, hey. Yeah. Hey, did you find a I'm looking for like a diabetes kit that I left this thing on the ground here right here.
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So I've got to get a stupid meal?
If you're ordering it to go, are you coming in?
Well, I'm here now. I'm in the bathroom.
Okay.
Yeah, if you're dining in, you order your entree, whether it be pasta and sauce or whatever, and you have your choice.
I want to eat. What do I, what do I, can I just have a coffee and get the breadsticks and stuff?
You just want some bread and some soup?
And a coffee.
Sure.
Are you dining at a table?
Are you having it to go?
I'm going to have it here at the toilet.
In the toilet.
Well, I don't know if we can actually serve you in the bathroom.
Well, no, I'm going to have it to go.
And then I'll come when I'm ready.
I'll come out for breadsticks and soup.
And I'll eat them in here.
And then when I'm done, I'll come out if I want some more.
Okay, so do you want me to go ahead and take your order?
Yeah, I want coffee.
I want coffee.
Because I want to take a shit in this toilet here.
And you want a soup, you said?
I want a Mindstrone soup.
Okay, and that's it, minestrone and a coffee and some bread.
Mindstrone, Mindstrone.
Yeah, minestrone, that's what it is.
Mindstrone, Mindstrone.
Okay.
Okay.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm not dining out, it's not to go, but I'm just going to make the order and I'll bring it myself.
I'll be polite and I tip very well, you know.
I'm a normal kind of dude.
I do one weird thing.
I like to eat soup and breadsticks and drink water while I'm doing number two in the women's room.
I've been caught before and I've paid dearly for it.
And by the way, now that I'm here in your bathroom, in the restroom,
What do I do come out? No, but I don't I'm not ready to come out. I have to do my business
Well, unfortunately when no one's no one's gonna be bringing it in to you
I'm sorry, so you're gonna have to finish what you're doing before before that. I need to do
Well, yeah, you're gonna have to take care of whatever you gotta take care of sir
I'm afraid I don't know the answer that sir. You don't know how to go number two in these back
I'm a little confused.
Okay.
Well, I mean, you're confused.
I'm confused because I'm here now and I can't figure this out.
You're in the restroom.
So you're in the restroom right now and you want to order some coffee.
You want to order some soup and bread.
I get it.
Yeah.
You're going to come.
And then if I want some more bread, sticks, or soup, it's complimentary.
I come out and I get some and I bring it back and I eat it here privately.
Closed Captioning by Kris Brandhagen. brandhagen.com
Do I do I honestly I would say you defeated do you what you got to do and
just be done with it and not take your food in the bathroom no but I want no
no but why can't I take my food in the bathroom now so I don't know is this up
just a prank no no I'm here now please and you're in the ladies room I am in a
Yes, I'm in the ladies room, and I don't know how to do it
Because I use the men's room usually this is the ladies room. What do I do?
Why yeah? Why are you in the ladies room?
Like I told you I'm a normal dude. I just I like to go into the ladies room when I do number two
and when I want to eat my strong soup and
Drink coffee
well
Maybe
And maybe have you not be in the ladies room?
But I'm here already.
And then I'm afraid I don't have to tell you sir.
Does this toilet work just like the man's toilet?
It should.
Then what's the difference?
What do I do?
Hold on a minute.
Hold on a minute.
Hey, what's up Carlito?
Hey, how you doing there big guy?
I'm alright.
I'm just going through all my junk in the basement.
How about you buddy?
Is that what they call it?
Nice.
I'm good.
Doing a show.
I'm in the bathroom.
I don't know what to do.
Are you stuck on the toilet?
No, just add the number two, you know.
Terry Marilon
There you go.
He fell in.
Gandu Saleh
Saleh
Banchod
Gandu Saleh
Saleh
Carlito was going to tell that guy when he came back.
I'm in the men's bathroom and this guy just handed me a phone and said he had some fucking
breadsticks cooling on his table.
He'll be right back.
Well, he's still on hold.
I wonder what he's doing.
It calls me up for a while.
All right.
Listen, we got phone numbers in Compton. Taco Bell.
Had Taco Bell today. It was good.
Yeah?
Oh my god.
What'd you have?
Uh, so much.
Fucking whatever I could get.
Homer's on the camera. He's asking for pizza.
Hey, buddy.
Hey, is he gassy?
Alright, everyone watching on Facebook Live, check this out.
This is gonna be cool. I've been teaching Homer to catch food.
Homie, hey, don't go down, you fucker.
This is for everyone to see. You ready?
Are you gonna catch it, right?
Oh, you're gonna catch it, boy. Ready?
Come on. Hey.
One, two, three.
Ah, you stupid fucking mutt.
Yeah, he didn't do shit.
He's been catching them.
Stupid fucking doggy.
You stupid fucking...
Yeah, he's making you look like a fool.
Stupid penis.
I'll throw him another one in a second.
He's been getting good at catching them.
I don't know.
He was at doggy daycare today.
He's all tired.
He has a girlfriend, by the way, at the dog daycare.
Is he a fucker?
It's a female basset.
She's another basset hound.
They look so cute together.
All right, homie.
English
Everyone's watching
Don't go down there
Hey stupid
Come here
Don't catch it right
He went for it but he missed it
It was a bad pass
Dad had a bad pass
Anyway we'll try that again later
We're gonna go talk to Taco Bell
I'm sorry what did you have there Taco Bell
I was curious about that
Axba anything
Chalupa
No Chalupa I had
Crunchwrap Supreme which I fucking love
I'm gonna go grab one. I didn't finish it. That's a good one. Oh, I'm trapped supreme. It's fucking delicious
Got such good mouthfeel to it, you know, yeah
There's homie no tacos
Next in the camera switches to home row see if I get him to catch a piece. He's not trying at all
Anyway, it looks like we lost the Olive Guard that sucks. He probably went to the bathroom and everything
Pollo Loco La Micho Cacana Palateria y Tacos
At no additional charge, AT&T can help you find a similar business in the same area, since the number you have called is not in service.
Playing with the dog. He isn't even trying to catch the sh!t. He made a liar out of his dad.
You're an asshole man.
The rest of my pizza is...
The number you have reached is not in service. This is a recording.
None of these taco Mexican places in Compton answer.
The number you have reached is not in service. This is a recording.
Just sayin' don't send Carlito numbers if they don't even work.
They gotta at least rank guys. C'mon.
Like this, like this. This is a good start.
Hey, you speak English?
Nah
Uh, how long after I eat the tacos until I have to take a shit in the toilet?
How long after I eat the tacos until I go to the toilet you mean second Buddha Juanito is the English speaker?
Madre hijo de puta
He went to pinch a reputa Madre Marie con cabrón de mierda
motherfuckers in gaza to put a Madre hijo de puta
fucking drunk pervert motherfucker
Who the fuck is this?
Igualmente, que tenga un buen dia.
At No Additional Charge
AT&T Can Help You Find Us
I want some DNA on my taco.
DNA? Yeah.
You want some baby batter?
Fuck yeah.
Enjoy juice.
Shout out to everyone listening tonight.
Everyone.
All of you.
Can't stress that enough.
Rate is for remote access code.
I'll try a couple more Mexican places and then we'll move on to another list.
Thank you.
Just one moment.
Call, that line is busy rather.
Okay, next one.
Pollo Dorado, buenas noches.
Yeah, is this a Norteño place? I'm sorry. Is this a Norteño affiliated place or no el pollo dorado?
Yeah, but I mean is is this territory claimed by Norteños or
Yeah, I know that this city is divided into territories between different factions of
Gangs and I want to make sure that this is not a Norteño area. No. Well who claims this hood here?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Laugh Track Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I don't know how to turn on my computer.
And you have a stupid lip ring.
Oh, fuck you.
Oh, my.
It's not stupid.
But it is a lip ring.
I don't know if it is.
You have reached a Time Warner cable phone customer.
This mailbox is not currently accepting messages.
Oh, shit, man.
At the meetup, we're going to get you to nose pliers and kind of tug on it a little bit.
It's how the doctor fixed the problem.
Hey, Homer, I'm out of pizza, buddy.
I can't help you.
Sorry, dude.
Like you can understand me right? You're right, man. Don't get close to Dobby hope smack the shit. I'm gonna get as Dobby
It's Homer. Is this gonna dial what's going on here? And whatever that means. It's just not gonna go
It's just not gonna happen. All right look at a Parkman numbers at the moment. Let me real quick
Look see if new new synth anything
Know he won't communicate with me. That's that's the only up that I have and that's just truth
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I don't want that to be the reason why we talk. I want him to talk, you know, to figure out, you know, I don't want it to be because of that. I don't want him to think that that's why, you know. It's a legitimate effort to try to resolve just a personal issue that we have. It's the way he was talking to me and some of the odd requests he was making about the accommodations he needed for the show, which were totally, in my opinion, were totally unwarranted and excessive. Sorry.
What did he want?
I don't like that shit right now.
Okay.
I'm being a migraine now.
Yeah, sorry, man.
Pull my period down.
No, you're not.
Hey, same here.
No, just kidding.
That sucks, right?
You are a nice little cat.
That fucking period.
Sorry.
Hi, uh, Mouthline Caller, you're on the line.
On the air.
How are you?
Hey.
Hey, horse boy.
What's up?
Hey, what's up?
Hey, it's Bob Seven.
It's Bob Seven.
Hey, yay!
Hey, it's Bob Seven.
Hey, motherfucker.
What the fuck are you doing?
Oh, we're here doing prank calls.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
The call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.
2-0-6-7-
It was a prank call we were trying to do, buddy.
It's okay.
Mom, I'm fucking everything up.
I'll probably be there because I live in California.
So if I get to see you, I'll suck your dick.
Don't worry about it.
I'll suck your dick.
Okay.
Do you use your teeth?
I don't have teeth.
I have dentures.
Watch this.
I can take them out.
Oh, gum job.
I have real hardwood teeth.
Nice.
Easy.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's very important.
All right.
Are we going to do prank calls?
Well if they pick up yeah
They kind of have us
They have us in the balls
They have us in the balls
This is a hotel restaurant
The person at phone number
7
I'm not answering
Motherfucker
What was all that commotion
Was that another person or a sound effect you played
Oh it was
Fucking the dead's going crazy on Facebook right now
The dead I just I talked to him on Facebook man
And he
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Oh, sorry, here's my...
What's up, you motherfucking bitch?
How is life treating you, you hoe?
Come and suck my motherfucking dick, bitch.
I need a blowjob.
Oh, my gosh.
That's the dead cat.
Oh, yeah, I've heard of him before.
Yeah, that's him.
Give me a blowjob now, bitch.
Oh, shit.
I gave him a call-in number.
He's like, no one's picking up the phone.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Radio
I'm on the fucking Madhouse radio now. Hey, buddy. How you doing? How are you doing, bro?
We're concerned about you. Long time no talk
motherfucker
Do you know the Muslims you can't you won't if you convert to Islam you can't drink alcohol
Who are you? I'm not drinking. I'm not really I'm not doing that shit
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Do you think this is for real?
Watch TV and we talk and everything like that. We had to plan tomorrow to have a day out and about but you know she had to her the owner of the store that she works at told her that she needs to work tomorrow. So she told me that she's gonna be coming in the morning on Sunday.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Did you put it in her ass yet?
No
Okay
Fuck you bro
She Muslim
Cause you can do that though
No but you can do that
Dude she's a Muslim
It doesn't count
Oh my fucking god she Muslim bro
Yeah but it doesn't count
Are you trying to get yourself in a relationship where you don't have to commit sexually?
Dude I'm fucking married though
Yeah so what's going on with that?
I don't wanna go to hell
What's going on with that? You're still married?
I don't wanna go to hell, she don't wanna fuckin' divorce me, man.
Dude, we're fuckin' separated, but she don't wanna fuckin' divorce me.
Man, she's in North Carolina, bro. I'm in fuckin' Illinois, bro. Shit.
doesn't she oh okay okay when does her visa expire the ex-girlfriend the ex-wife the wife
the wife your wife the ex-wife she my wife bro i don't know when the visa fucking expires
but she needs to get the fuck out right um yeah uh green card expires she gonna go bye-bye
and then what if she doesn't apply for citizenship first and can you get divorced
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I like the other girl too and then I like another girl so that's like you know what
it's complicated I'm not gonna go into details about this we have Nash being the line he's a
mormon or a former mormon LDS he might be able to help you out with multiple wives and stuff
Now he swears and he has unprotected sex and shit like that?
That's what's happening.
Fuck you, you're bentonite.
I'm married.
I have a question for the dead.
What the fuck?
You married and you a...
No, and you a former Mormon, but you swear and have sex and drink and...
Mormons have sex.
Have sex with multiple women or...
The dead Mormons have sex.
And shit or...
They're just married when they have sex.
I'm fucking you know what to go fuck yourself now fuck you to dead you son
of a bitch you know what I could do you know what I love fucking dude you know
what if I was in the right frame of mind right now I would curse you out so
fucking bad you would go cry to your mama you fucking Muslims don't curse
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
I have a bed I have sheets and I have a shit like that she could come she could get an old horse and I look as a fucker while she's watching Netflix on my iPad or some shit I don't know
what iPad do you have what kind
hey da dad
iPad pro
hey da dad
yeah
uh Dominican wife is sitting on my face right now
I'll go fuck yourself you piece of shit monkey yeah that's right baby moan
dad why did you can you just be honest when we were in the chicago hey you know what my
roommate wants to come and stick his cock up your motherfucking ass can i ask you a question
please dad as a friend can you just be honest with me when we were in chicago and you said
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
So when you're saying you're doing Chicago in March, so you're just going to wake up in the street and come over in downtown or some shit?
And maybe you're going to be waking up to the Sears Tower and you're going to come over the Sears Tower or something.
The base of the Sears Tower.
First of all, it's the Willis Tower now?
No, Sears Tower.
Bullshit.
Sears is bankrupt, you stupid fuck.
Yeah, this isn't even going to be Sears in two weeks.
Two fucking Chicagoans called it the Sears Tower, not the fucking Willis Tower, you fucking immigrant prick.
It's going to be the bankrupt tower.
Well, it's nice to meet you, man.
Ackerman The Prick
You motherfucking Ackerman The Prick
It's the Sears Tower
It's where
Always be the motherfucking Sears Tower
You motherfucker
Not the Willis Tower
It's the Willis Tower
Man you know what
I'm gonna go over there
I'm gonna beat your motherfucking ass
Okay
So what I'm trying to tell you is that
Or I'm gonna do a trio
My wife wouldn't give you the time to date you.
Hang on, Nashville.
Bloated out the food.
Carlos, do you want to do a trio with your wife?
No, I don't want to do it.
I don't take the ass. You take the pussy.
And there you go.
Okay, listen to Dad.
What are you talking about, Willis?
Listen, listen to Dad. Calm down.
What I'm trying to get at here, I forget now.
You made me forget what I was going to get at.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
I'm embarrassed to meet you because you guys are fucking ugly as motherfuckers, and I'm actually the cute one, so there you go.
We're not the one whose wife left him.
Yeah, that's true.
Dude, you guys don't have a wife and two girlfriends that are fighting over him.
I have two girlfriends that fight over me.
Oh, Jesus.
All right, maybe not.
And you're not fucking either one of them.
Hey, there's a girl on the phone.
She likes you.
She's a big fan, and she wants to talk to you.
I have two girls that have...
Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
Is this...
That's a fucking stalker.
What?
The motherfucking...
Oh, God.
The dominatrix.
Mrs. Morgan?
Yeah, it is.
What's her name?
Mistress Hepsi Morgan?
No, it's not her.
Rolls-Royce, Paulman, or Five Sisters?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, whatever.
Don't convert to Islam, okay?
And work things out with your wife.
No, I'm not going to do that.
Okay, all right.
Well, then you go to hell.
I'm not going to do that.
I'm not going to work shit out with my wife.
She left me.
I'm spitting on her.
And now I have this cute Indian chick.
And we're going to be starting dating and stuff like this.
And I'm still married.
Okay, cool the dead
Okay, nice song, that was nice
Hey, the dead
Merry Christmas, the dead
I just launched a facial on you
Happy Holidays
He's on hold
He used to be such a good friend, look how he treats me now
He had nothing but nice words for you when we were in Chicago
He was calling me, he was like, I fucking love you, bro
He's just drunk
And then he called you a cocksucker in the same sentence that he told you that he loved you
He's gonna get fucked up
You've reached Russ McBeans. Please leave a message and I'll-
They're dead!
What the fuck ever happened to Milkman?
Uh, can you- have you talked to him? Can you try to talk to him and see if he'll talk to me?
Dude, what the fuck happened between you and Milkman?
I fired him!
What the fuck?
Fire his ass. Fire.
Did he die, or what happened?
I fired him, I said.
Why?
Because! He was an asshole to me. He was very mean and uh, I put him on-
Yeah, hi, I'm here in your parking lot
Okay, and there's an angry man here
Who won't stop talking
Why don't you fire me?
I'm an answer to you too
Does this guy work for you?
Uh, I don't, I don't
Dude, you know what?
Go fuck yourself and have a good day
You may have to go into the restaurant
And let them know about the guy
Happy holidays, you piece of shit
Hey
Happy Holidays, you piece of shit.
Why are you saying that, sir? Why?
Yeah, so you're going to have to contact the restaurant regarding that matter.
What do you do? I thought you were the restaurant.
No, this is online gift card support.
Okay, and then make an order?
Oh, you cannot place an order online with us.
I can't order a gift card? I can't order a gift card, ignorant?
I'm sorry?
Can I order a gift card, ignorant? Mr. Ignorant?
Sir, I'm going to ask that you keep this call professional.
You're going to axe?
I'm going to axe. I'm asking now, sir, that you keep this call professional.
You're axing?
Yes, I'm asking.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
POOTA
Do the POOTA
Simon Dusk
Yeah?
Hi
Hi, yes, is this the KTLA News tip line?
That's correct, yeah
Okay, I'm in the toilet, I'm in my toilet
Okay, what's the story?
I went to the Olive Garden because they have oligocane pasta and it comes with bread, sticks, and soup also
Okay
Cracker Barrel
We had to drink fluoride.
Oh, dude, I fucking love fluoride.
Exactly.
Calling KTLA 5.
KTLA?
Hi.
Yes, I had an incident at a restroom, a public restroom.
Okay.
I was shocked to find out that it's whites only.
What?
What are you talking about?
I was at a local Olive Garden, and I was shocked to find out that the restroom is marked as
whites only.
Okay, just a moment.
You're crazy.
Thanks for calling KTLA.
You've reached the newsroom comment and information line.
Facts Your Press Releases Segment Ideas and Media Alerts to 323-460-5333.
Please address correspondence to KTLA 5 News at 800 Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles, California, 90028.
If you have a general message for the news department, leave it after the tone.
You fucking shit. Fucking shit.
Thank you. Press 1 to accept this recording. Press 2 to listen to it.
Press 3 to re-re-
I'm calling a number I don't even know what it is
Thank you for calling OwnZone
If you'd like to place an order, please press 1
For questions about an order you've already placed, please press 2
I'm sorry, all customer service representatives are busy at the moment
A live customer service representative will be with you shortly
Hello, thank you for calling to order the OwnZone headphones
My name is Anita, and for training purposes, this call may be recorded, okay?
Anita?
Yes, sir.
Anita, dick.
I'm sorry?
This is OwnZone Hearing Headphones for sale, correct?
I guess she was paying attention.
Try again.
Thank you for calling OwnZone.
If you'd like to place an order, please press 1.
For questions about an order you've already placed, I'm sorry.
All customer service representatives are busy at the moment.
A live customer service representative will be with you shortly.
Prank Line 405-396-6884
Hey this is Dwight I was just checking to make sure this thing works
Oh yeah it works thanks for checking ok buddy
Ok bye
This is Manis and I'll be assisting you today
What's your name Manwich?
Manis M-A-N-O-S
P-E-N-I-S
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
OnZone headphones are available in your choice of black or silver and include everything you need for wireless sound.
You can order today for just $59.99 plus $5.99 processing and handling.
Your purchase is covered by a 100% 90-day money-back guarantee. Even returns are free.
Now in a minute, I'll tell you how you can save $30 on a second pair of OnZone headphones.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I was watching the other day to see if her for a walk and she didn't even go around the block. She went straight to the neighbor's house and then the lights went off and then she comes out like 30 minutes later. So you said your neighbor's house is about 100 feet away? Less than that. Less than 100 feet? Well, the room, the bedroom that I suspect that they're having sex in is less than that. Well, there you go. For my garage. So what would I do? The transmitter? I have to, would I have to put it in?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by Kris Brandhagen.com
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
check these uh... these items if you cannot hear an audio from your own zone
so if if you're having problems getting it to function at all
you would ensure that the transmitter is powered on
the transmitter requires a USB power source at all times
so it is not battery operated
you would check to see that the transmitter and your headphones are both turned on
yeah
now a
now a solid blue light will illuminate on both the transmitter and headphones
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Chow Yun Kwan
It's not necessary to hang up on me.
I'm hanging up sir.
For what? For what? For what? For what? For what?
Asshole.
For what? For what?
Call Nation Madhouse Live
This is your second warning, and if I hear it again...
This is your third strike, sir.
This is your third warning. I'm going to end this call right now.
I'll play ball with you, sir. This is your second strike. I need your third warning here.
Thanks. Thanks for giving me a third strike. Thanks for taking away a strike. I appreciate it.
Not everyone is willing to do that.
Yeah, no problem. It's a wonderful Friday night.
Madhouse Live
I've got a one bedroom apartment
Dwight do you want to get a one bedroom apartment
Wonderful
Mr. Dwight
Mr. Dwight sir
Dwight there
He's just playing
He's probably playing GTA 5 again
Like always
Do you or anyone else want to call for an apartment
I'll fucking call for an apartment
Okay
All I've got is a one bedroom apartment
For rent
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm gonna rob tonight and I just want to make sure that I could see this one
Don't call my phone with this illegal mess
Do not call my phone
We're calling you right back
We're calling you right back
Well she don't like that
Don't call with that illegal mess
Jesus
What?
We had a fucking porn noise in the background too
She's like what the fuck
What the fuck did you say that again?
Listen do not call this phone again
I'm gonna call a lot
You're a mixed race couple?
You're a mixed race couple over there?
Dude, don't call this phone again.
That's disgusting.
Do not. Listen to me.
You're a race trainer.
Do not call this phone.
Do not call this phone.
We will pray for you.
We have video of your girl.
Do not call this phone.
We have video of your girl.
On everything that God has put on this earth.
Look, this is your girl.
We have video of your girl.
Do not call this phone.
We'll pray for you. God bless you, sir.
Do you hear me?
What are you going to do about it?
What are you going to do about it, motherfucker?
Do you hear me?
What are you going to do about it, motherfucker?
Yeah, I want you to settle down, fucking John Redcorn.
Piece of shit.
Do you hear me?
No.
Do you hear me?
No, stupid.
God is watching all, and you shall deal with the demons.
That's easy.
I beat that level.
God is watching all.
Yeah, he's fucking John Redcorner from King of the Devils.
The sunbird is watching you.
You should have talked in the devil voice.
Yeah, I should have.
That takes a little work.
I had to reach over, and I'm fat.
Oh, you're a good devil.
Calling everything, and all my ancestors.
Was that Larry?
I don't have a viewer
I told you already
These numbers are from Big Ethan
These numbers are from Big Ethan
And I sat on them too long
And they're East Coasters
So if they answer they're going to be really pissed off
Yeah
Here's a Galaxy S7 Edge
An old piece of shit
Meet a Star and Get Paid
Midtown West
Craigslist Map Data
Compensation
$35-$50
Are you close or move in New York City
and want to meet a star?
Well, here's your chance
Meet Daniel Radcliffe and get paid for netting him what the gig goes as follows for the two or two and a half hours
You're getting paid to get a signature from mr. Radcliffe
Who's Daniel Radcliffe is a singer? I should know that
No, it's Harry Potter
거창고 probably
You should told my play it like you're into what you're up to kidnapping him said
Yeah, yeah, I understand. I gotta go net him let's go. All right
So he has a show that runs about an hour and a half
you're
awaiting at the stage door when he leaves and take his time to sign for everyone the
$35 is for your time
So apparently Daniel Radcliffe will definitely
you're shit and these people want to pay you to get your shit signed by him
Madhouse Live
BULLDOG MALE LOOKING FOR A NEW FAMILY
Anyone have an idea? Anyone want to take that?
Not me. Ever.
What's this thing? What is it?
Cute and playful. French bulldog male looking for a new family.
Two vaccinations, prevention of fleas and worms. Microchip.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do it.
There's also a large gun safe.
I don't need a gun safe.
Not very confident that they will pick up because of the hour, but you never know.
Yeah, you have the bulldog.
Yes, I'm very interested.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Toss the dog out the window into traffic what you want to do with just
microchip it's not registered yeah I just want the microchip I don't want I
want the dog I take microchip out microchips gone I roll down window and
then you know I get up to 88 miles per hour just like Doc Brown and then I
toss the dog out the window look look look the way I'm sorry much he's
obviously I can assault the dog he doesn't celebrate Christmas you can tell
him the sound of his voice he doesn't celebrate this holiday I'm sorry oh my
Is this true, sir? You don't celebrate Christmas?
No, we celebrate.
What do you mean?
Are you Russian?
Yeah, I'm Russian.
You know what? You people are disgusting assholes, and we're going to kick your ass.
The United States is going to kick a Russian's ass, bassoon-y, you know?
Fuck you. Fuck you. We have a three-to-one missile superiority over you. You know that, right?
Yeah, what a fucking fuck.
You know, I'm really anti-Russia, and I'm really anti-Chinese, and I'm not ashamed to say it.
Madhouse Live
That country is full of people who have no problem stealing intellectual property.
And then they want to complain about us.
You know what, fuck them.
And really, they're inferior to us anyway.
They're inferior people.
And it's true.
And the Russians are no better.
The Russians are just looking to get their asses kicked.
That's all it is.
Hey, Carlito, watch it.
I'm not a racist for saying that.
Whatever that means.
It translates to.
My dick Russian cocksucker
Alright, get it ready
I didn't get it typed in in time
Get ready, see, get ready
Alright, that's right
See if he picks up, he probably won't
Oh no, I'm gonna fart
Please leave your message for 92945
I know these things, man
I mean, I've been doing this for a while
He was either Russian or Polish
But I'm over with Russian
I don't believe your voice, man
Yeah, yeah, no, no
I could've, but no
Oh, that fart stinks
Oof
Wow
Caller
Anonymous Caller
Thanks for calling. We will clear the line to see if we can get another caller.
Thanks for joining. It's been great.
Thank you, sir. It's been a pleasure and honor.
You have a happy holiday if we don't talk to you before then.
Alright, see you later.
That line is now free if you want to join in.
405-396-6884
That's 405-39-MOUTH
You can join the show.
There's already another caller.
For those asking, I haven't even thought about the daytime
The Christmas Eve Show
I suppose we'll probably do a show Monday, Christmas Eve.
I haven't talked to Brad about it.
I always do it with him.
It's usually me, Brad, and Dark Stranger.
And Brad's not around on Fridays.
It's the night for him to be with his family.
I'm sorry.
Someone was just calling the mouth line, and I didn't pick up in time.
Here we go.
Caller, thanks for calling.
Please be nice.
Christians only.
Hello?
Okay, great.
Are you going to play sound effects?
Is that it?
That's Dwight.
Who are you?
Okay, the Arnold Schwarzenegger, yeah, that totally isn't totally September 10th at all.
Yeah, the failed governor of California.
Wow, totally isn't old and 17 years old.
That whole, let me call you with the Arnold Schwarzenegger soundboard.
I'm Detective John Kimball.
Who is your daddy?
Hilarious, Mr. 12-year-old. Thank you, though.
It's a good start.
You dummy, you had a chance to talk and everything.
You could have made fun of me.
He could have owned me, and Dwight, and Nashby, and AXPA, and Catastrophe, and...
No. That's wrong. This isn't a slave nation anymore. He can't own me.
Well, I'm just saying he could have, like, completely destroyed us, but, like, you guys suck.
I mean, he could wreck me.
You guys suck. Macron shows the best. All that stuff. He didn't have his big moment. He didn't do it.
Thank you for calling Mount Shasta Mall.
If you're experiencing a true emergency or to speak with someone in security, press 1.
Press 1. If you know your party's extension, press 2. To access our company directory, press 3.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Caller
What? No.
You're a caller. No, I'm not.
Okay, you're not. Okay, not
caller. No, I'm not park
man either. No, not at all.
You're not park man and you're not caller. Okay,
cool. Not caller,
not park man, I'm not. No.
Uh-huh. Alright, cool.
Cool story, bro.
How you doing? Thanks for calling, though. Thanks for not
calling, right? Am I right?
I didn't call this number.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation
I'm on the phone with somebody I don't know.
And they hung up on me. That's great. Very nice.
Yeah, sir, we're going to have to ask you to leave. This is a professional line.
Yeah, that was a stupid part.
Hello, and thank you for calling the Red and Old Baby store at 6468 in the Mount Shasta Mall.
Your call is being transferred.
No, it's not.
Adrian, I'm here in the bathroom, and there's a guy in here. He's really confused.
Okay.
He doesn't know what's going on, he says.
Okay, you have security here. Yeah
Hey stupid, how old are you yell at me? I'm gonna beat the fuck out of you. How old are you?
Listen you see this. I'm gonna put this fish right your face. You're gonna get knuckle sandwich motherfucker. How old are you?
I don't know. He's like 13 or something. Sir. I just checked his underwear. It says he's 16 years of age. His name is Henry. Henry underwear. Henry. Hey, Henry. No, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't don't. No, no. Hey, stop. I gotta I gotta get out of here. I gotta get out of here. Calm down. Oh, man. Are you there? Yes. Are you in our bathroom right now? Yeah, he's this kid Henry's. I think it was in here doing heroin or something.
Tickle
When you play all those breaking sound effects
I'm sitting here imagining my head how much glass and mirrors I must the head in that fucking bathroom for all that to happen
I know yeah, I like what I've done that in elevators
Prank Nation Madhouse Live
I don't send numbers or anything like that.
No, this is not Parkman.
I know Parkman's voice.
I know you're not Parkman, so it's obvious.
No.
Okay.
I didn't stare at the chicks at the Chicago meetup.
I didn't do anything.
What chicks?
I didn't give Dwight a mop.
No, I didn't do any of that.
This is not Parkman.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
All right, buddy.
Thanks for calling in Parkman
You're gonna clear the line now
Alright
I hope you're a friend of the show
I hope you're not just calling to sneak one in
It wouldn't be the first time
See ya
Bye
Yay caller
I love all our callers
You know what I did today for a second time
I backed out of my garage
And I broke my right side
Side mirror
For a second time
I was about to replace it and I decided to wait a couple weeks and I had already backed out and hit it once and then I did it again and I had just been thinking yesterday you know what no dude I was totally like on my way I was like it was sticking to my I was like it was just in the morning going to work and I was like oh yeah I totally got enough room and I stopped and I was doing it real slowly I totally got enough room totally got it totally got it and then crack again so
It's even more damaging.
I mean, who the fuck really needs mirrors anyway?
As long as you got that reverse one in your mirror, you're fine.
Yeah, no, that's totally not true.
Technically, with my vision issue, I'm supposed to have dual mirrors, so I am in violation right now.
I've been in violation since it first happened.
Now I'm really in violation.
I think I'm going to have to stop parking in the garage.
And also because of what's been going on with me, I'm having a lot of trouble focusing and stuff.
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
No, I had him in the trunk where you pull up the thing to get to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the wheel well.
You fucking took out your spare tire and threw pizza boxes down in the well.
I had him in there, yeah.
I make him really flat and I hide him in there.
No.
Until it won't stay flat anymore.
Then I, I go, there's an apartment complex near to here.
And I just throw all the cardboard into the, on a Saturday or Sunday when their office is closed.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm dying. I'm gonna die.
Don't have an early death. You come to the meetup, goddammit.
I don't know. I'm not gonna die, like, in a month.
I hope not.
I hope not, too. You might get hit by a big-ass fucking bus named Catastrophe.
Okay, alright, thank you.
I'll bring him back from the grave. I'll bring him back from the grave.
If I die, it's your guys' fault for saying that.
I want you to die at the meetup so we can do Weekend at Bernie's with your body.
You're gonna push me and pull me your fat ass?
Yeah, yeah. Anybody dies at the meetup, we're using your body for Weekend at Bernie's 3.
I like the second part because you can make me dance.
We got Carlito's corpse over there doing the fucking floss.
Get him a hooker while we're at it.
No, no, no, no.
No, actually, Bernie's fucking girlfriend or mistress, whatever.
She fucked him while he was already dead.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
Which reminds me, by the way, that reminds me, in the second movie, was it any music that would make him dance or was it just Calypso music?
It was any music.
Any music? And why, didn't the two Indian, the two like West Indian guys, didn't they mess up because they used a chicken instead of a something?
They used fucking like KFC instead of a live chicken.
That's what I thought.
I am so confused.
I don't know what the fuck movie you guys are talking about.
Weekend at Bernie's?
Weekend at Bernie's 2.
No, I've never seen it.
Have you seen Weekend at Bernie's 1?
Oh, no.
Oh, man.
Put up a movie night.
Come on.
Make it happen.
Just act like it won.
Make it happen.
Just fudge the numbers.
No, it's Christmas.
God damn it.
I already have my five movies.
What are they?
What are they?
What are they?
No, it's done.
Well, what are they?
What's on the list for the Christmas time?
All right.
What's on the list for this week?
Home Alone 1
A Christmas Story
and Gremlins
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Listen, listen. Take out Home Alone 1. It's going to be on fucking TV, though, all Christmas.
It's going to be on TV like 50 times.
All right, what do you want me to replace Home Alone 1 with?
Weekend at Bernie's 2.
That was my choice.
Weekend at Bernie's 2. It's a great holiday movie.
Bernie's 2?
Weekend at Bernie's 2.
Weekend at Bernie's 2. All right.
Barney's. Weekend at Barney's 2.
Weekend at Porky's.
Yeah, yeah. All right.
Porky's went downhill after the first one.
I fucking hope they see you, you fucking son of a cunt.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Christmas Day
IFC is playing Die Hard for 24 straight hours.
Oh, nice.
That's cool.
I can either end the show or I can take a break
and come back and do a little bit.
Yeah, take a shit.
Alright, I'll take a break. I'll do a little few more
pranks here and then I'll take a break.
And I'll try to come back.
I'm looking at new recipes
to cook.
Snack a big hunk's Groundhog Day for a Christmas movie.
Groundhog Day?
That wouldn't be bad, right?
Yeah, that's true. We did watch Goonies already.
I missed it, though. It's not fair.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they tried to watch it the weekend of the Chicago meet-up.
Well, that sucks.
Let's see. Who can I call? Who can I call?
Let me go back to the numbers list here.
Yeah, it's currently twerking with a song.
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'm going to have a smoke, so I'll be right back.
Okay.
Now I'm regretting saying I was going to do more show, but it's okay.
Here is, here is a, they're looking for a drummer in a band.
That might work.
Let's try it.
In case of a fast pickup, we ask you to let us know that you're not a voicemail system.
Suck on these Nets, motherfucker
Hi, this is Dave. I can't take your call at this time. If you would, please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message. I'll return your call as soon as possible. Thank you.
Cock sucking white devil Dave
Listen I'm just going to take that break
Because I got to pee
I'm going to get some caffeine
I'm going to get animated
We're going to get hype
We're going to come back
Dwight
McClanahan is here
Dwight the janitor
Nashby's here
Catastrophe's out smoking
And of course Green Bee
Host of the Green Bee show
Is here as well
When we come back
I don't know
I don't know what we're going to call
I don't know
I don't know
I'm just going to call
We're just going to do shit alright
Just sit there
And shut up
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trapdoor at the bottom.
You die, you open a trapdoor at the bottom and you go straight down.
Madhouse Radio is back.
You are bigger than a woman.
You are better than a woman.
We'll always be behind you.
Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Any ideas for pranks guys?
Yeah, I could play my banjo curse thing maybe he'll say something
Provide the number please sir, if you don't mind
It is a common right now.
Didn't someone else send a number in Skype I was supposed to call?
Uh, Jackson.
Oh, bag.
It's gotta be too late now.
It's gotta be too late though, right?
Yeah, I think we're still there.
What the fuck? I copied the number and it gives you the...
Yeah, you're pretty dumb.
I can get the number from here.
Oh, it's right there.
No, I said I got it.
Oh, no, I already got it. It's right there.
No, I got it.
This is it then?
Or same?
I'm gonna tell him.
Yeah, this is a crazy bhenchod, the bhenchod 9-1-1 guy.
This guy is slave on his face.
You think he wanted to be.
I think he meant to say bloody 9-1-1, but he was just all, you know.
He's all bhenchod, you know.
Yeah, he said bhenchod, it said, because of the B.
That was a good call, man.
I listened to that like three times today.
I don't know why.
I had already heard it before too, but let's just, just that call.
I don't like my call after it was okay the guy didn't get mad what happened after yeah true the person you have dialed can't take your call now at the tone please record your message when you have bullshit now they don't even have an overnight guy oh they got an overnight guy he's probably checking someone out
The person you have dialed can't take your call now.
At the tone, please record your message.
When you have finished recording, simply hang up or press the pound key for further options.
I looked up some of those curses, some of them were pretty funny, that tirade, there
were a few that I saw there, but now I don't remember them again, so what's the point, right,
what's the fucking point, if anyone wants to call in 405-396-6884, I can guarantee at
Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
I Know Jags real name. I know Jax real you for calling open Sunday through Wednesday 11 a.m.. To 11 p.m..
11 a.m.. Midnight Friday and Saturday 11 a.m.. To 2 a.m.. Other up the help you yeah John there
John who John that works there red jet red hair John. Oh, I think we have a John here
This is named John or something with a J. Jack
John at the bar
John with red jacket
I can't think
Red jacket John
Big John you know
Come on
I can't think of
Help me
A bartender
Help me
No maybe
John he's got a red jacket
Name is John
Should be at the bar
I don't
Is he a bartender
Or is he just a customer here
I'm not sure
He's got a red jacket
And he's at the bar
I think he's a customer there
Is it like an Ohio State jacket
Like a pullover
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank
don't don't hate me we should just ask for you yeah yeah so again if anyone wants to watch me
doing prank calls you can do so by heading over to facebook i am madhouse i'm carlito cross on
facebook i should be facebook.com slash madhouse.live but you can watch me live speaking
of live doing a facebook live what used to be the youtube feed without music is now the facebook
Facebook Live Feed with Music
So yeah, I started doing these voicemail things when I'm usually when I'm half asleep or if I'm driving or if I'm, you know, smoking marijuana and stuff like that.
I come with ideas and some of them aren't that funny, but I can play some of them if you want to hear.
Yeah, I don't have many right now in the voice memo.
Here's what I'm thinking about.
Let's see if this plays correctly.
Let me pause the music.
I hope you can hear this.
Oh, Jesus.
I think I'm half asleep in this one.
I think I was six I wake up like a two in the morning to pee and I'll have a funny idea and I'll say it let's see if this comes so that my I'm working on a joke about the Shriners kids because I woke up like a 2 a.m. to pee and I saw commercials a commercial for the Shriners Hospital you know which is for kids have cancer and I was
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Madhouse Live
Thanks to whatever it is, all this week they kept fucking with other accounts out there.
A lot of people getting demonetized, accounts suspended, videos taken down.
They're on a tear, man.
Google slash YouTube slash Alphabet, whatever they want to call themselves, they're on a tear right now doing that shit.
Alright, so any suggestions?
I'm working on a guy right now who's on Facebook Live and he's at work.
I'm trying to figure out where the fuck he works.
Okay, okay, okay.
I
on the other hand
did I call
did I call this close already
on the other hand
I'm going to try to find a motel to call
let's do that
motel
here it is
hopefully this is a direct room dial
if not
I don't know
I'll be stuck in the bathroom
we've been having a lot of bathroom fun today
oh here's a caller
I caller go ahead
you're on the air
god bless you
I can do that too
you ready
here we go
I got him
got him
got him at his own game
motherfucker
I'm the superior prank caller
can't prank call the prank caller
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Hello?
Hello?
I'm stuck in the bathroom.
Hello?
Hello?
Yeah, this bathroom...
So turn the...
So turn the...
The bathroom door doesn't fucking open.
Yes, it does.
No, it doesn't.
I'm trying to open it, it won't open.
Stupid.
It's exactly...
I got that.
Call back.
And she won't answer.
It's just that.
It's just that.
Hello, and thank you for calling Motel 6.
Yeah, I'm a fan of the loud black...
Thank you for calling Motel 6.
I'm stuck in the bathroom and I need help.
What room are you in?
I don't know.
That's what I thought.
Listen, I don't...
Sometimes I forget...
This is far-fetched.
This has happened to me before
where I've forgotten the name of the room.
Hello, and thank you for calling Motel 6.
For directions to the hotel, press 1.
How can I help you?
Ma'am, I don't have the paperwork that you gave me
and I don't have the key card in here.
All I had in here with me was my cell phone.
I was playing Angry Birds
Why did you bring the cell phone with you in the room?
Or in the bathroom?
And our bathroom doors don't lock
To play Angry Birds on the toilet while I was in here?
Okay, well that makes sense
Because our bathroom doors don't lock
They don't lock
It won't open
I'm asking for help
This fucking shit won't open
Do you understand?
I'm stuck in this bathroom
You can't do this to me
Hey, hello, listen to me
I don't know who you are.
There's a glass.
I need to know.
Okay, I need to know your name so I can find out what room you're in.
My name is Kross.
I don't know what room you're in because you don't know.
Kross.
Crumb.
Kross.
Crumb Cross
Crumb Cross
Why didn't you believe me?
Why did you make me do this? Why didn't you believe me?
God damn it!
Sir? Sir!
Sir? Sir?
Sir? Sir?
I'm gonna break this down. Open the door.
I'm trying... Listen to me! I can't find your...
I can't find your name, sir!
I can't find your name.
I got Cross. C-R-O-S-S, right?
The
Guy That I Met At The Bar
I Don't Know
He Stepped Out To Buy Weed And I Got Stuck In Here And I Can't Get Out
Upstairs
There's A Glass Everywhere Now Here In This Bathroom
Matt Baz Milkman Thomas Trank Prank Call Nation Madhouse Live
Call Nation Madhouse Live
Closed Captioning by The Closed Captioning Project.
Closed Captioning by Kris Brandhagen. brandhagen.com
I keep flushing it it won't stop
I keep flushing the toilet and more water's coming out.
Well, I'm not paying for this.
Yeah.
He picked me up at the bar.
He just picked me up at the bar to have sex.
But I don't know.
I just keep calling him, hey, guy, like that.
And he's like, oh, hi.
Closed Captions by GetTranscribed.com
I'm talking to the guy in the room next door. Maybe he can help me, right?
Where is he? He's in so I can get to you.
Say what?
Find out what room he's in so I can get to you.
Hey, asshole motherfucker, what room are you in, you stupid?
Hey, don't talk to me like that. I'm not going to fucking help you.
Well, fucking tell me up because I'm stuck in this motherfucker.
Can I unlock your door? Can I open your door?
Well, can you come to the door?
What room are you in, sir, so we can come and find your neighbor and get him some assistance?
He can't hear you. I can relay a message to him if I'm going to ask him something.
I think he can hear me. He sounds a lot closer than the other side of the door.
This is what I think. I think you guys are auditioning for the Jerky Boys CD.
You know who the Jerky Boys are? Make them pray and call them and stuff.
This is not a legit call.
We're about ready to call PD to have them come down here and find out if there is somebody in the bathroom.
If not, they're going to trace this number.
They're going to come down and bust your asses.
So be straight up with us.
What?
Yeah, fuck.
Shut up!
Do you need help or what?
Okay, honey baby.
I'll tell you what, you listening to me?
Sizzle chest
excuse me sir we backtraced this call
you're under bathroom arrest
Ryan terminate the call please
Ryan terminates the call please
Mom, I want to keep talking to him
Ma'am, are you there?
Yeah, I'm here
What's going on?
Yeah, this is all a prank, right?
What?
I'm in the toilet
You don't know you're in the toilet or the closet?
I'm in the bathroom toilet
Alright, good, I'm hanging up now
That was a good hang up
Oh man, that was fun
She's still asking after all those sound bites have been played
Alright, alright, this is a prank, alright
This is a prank, alright
I played all my Jerky Boys sound effects there
That was fun.
Glad we stuck around for that, Paul.
I had a pretty good panic freakout.
She went from being a bitch
and hanging up on me twice to be like,
Sir, sir, I want to help you.
I want to help you.
Anyway, I think I'm done.
I want to be done, okay?
That's a show. That's a wrap.
I did extra time.
Bye, Dwight and bye, Ashby, those who stayed.
My friends, my real friends, thank you.
Smash Beasts and Asshole
Play voicemails, play voicemails
Uh, yes, thank you, I will do that
I left you one, I left you one, it's good
Okay, in that case, I'll play them all
Oh, I love this, I'm gonna smell that
I'm gonna play them all except yours
I love your essence when you burp
Yeah
Dwight's kinda sick, right, when he does that
I'll give him my essence
Alright everyone, let's play some voicemails in GTFO
I wanna thank everyone who tuned in
Today, shoutout to all the Mixler people
Everyone watching on Facebook Live
Everyone listen on the tune-in radio app, shoutcast, and other audio facilities on mobile devices and web.
Please be sure to visit madhouselive.com.
Please be sure to check out and support my show on patreon.com slash madhouse.
Much appreciated.
Those who help out.
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Alright, get into the voicemail.
Stalling for time while I reach the voicemail.
This song is too loud.
Never I try but turn it down and fucks around
Here we go
Said something in one of your recent shows
Three input said you white people
What is that supposed to mean?
Like what am I supposed to take from that?
Being a white gentleman
I'm very offended by this
I'm an SJW
So you don't need to assume my color and my race
Gender
I think that was Jack TV
That sounded like white ass Jack TV
I mean, I'm not white and I grew up saying that it's not any offense. It's just classifying quantifying you something in a derogatory way. I married a white woman. Obviously, I'm not racist and I have racist feelings or bigoted feelings or prejudice feelings about white people. I just call white people white people. My wife is a white person and I love her very much. When we have children, they're going to be half white. I look white.
I'm White Most people think I'm white when they see me so I don't have a problem with
white people it's okay white people cool
Manito!
Get White Get White!
Another Madhouse Episode Pop singers have been gifted with a voice
as glorious as Whitney Houston's even fewer have treated their talent with the frustrating
indifference she did toward the end of her life she sold more records and received more
awards than almost any other female pop star of the 20th century was in most of her years
Yeah Rest In Peace But What A Waste What A Waste You Know And I Meant To Invoke Whitney
When I Said Earlier Tonight To Dwight How Dave Chappelle Has Ruined His Voice And
I like this
it's always like this
she always talks
She fucked up her voice smoking crack.
And that's a damn shame.
And you know who else said that, from what I understand?
It's arguable, but apparently...
Oh, shit, that was a song...
You know, I failed to set that up.
I was supposed to set that up for a song.
I was going to play Ready or Not by the Fugees.
But Lauren Hill supposedly also fucked up her voice
maybe like a good five, six years ago.
I remember hearing that, I forget what show I was listening to, and they said she had made an appearance in Lauryn Hill, and it was really bad.
See, okay, here's a, because I remember seeing Whitney Houston on an Oprah Winfrey interview, and her voice is just gone.
I knew in the days when I was a teenager singing for God.
She sounds normal.
Forgotten that you can't slap somebody.
It's not here in 2009.
There was a period of time where her voice was just done.
Maybe it was the crack of his wax.
It may be a bad shot, but this is real.
I mean, the bones.
That's real.
Yeah, my bones, yeah.
I'm 5'7 and thin.
I can understand what you mean.
But that's not just thin.
No, what is it?
Diane, tell me.
Do you know?
It's scary thin.
Believe what you feel.
I can't believe that did you really know did you really know no you know thank you yeah voice all fucked up uh Diane Sawyer confronting her with a picture where she looked like a fucking skeleton she looks smaller god damn and looking even on this video she looks smaller than Michael Jackson did Michael Jackson was a small woman anyway so rest in peace Whitney Houston I don't have a Whitney Houston song ready sorry obituary guy but it doesn't matter because obituary guy checked in on Facebook and said he was going to be drunk as a skunk tonight and was probably going to miss the show
Call Flanders
All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
We'll play that clip.
The one where Flanders is getting called over and over again by the robocaller.
Greetings, friend.
Happy dude.
Let's see if I can find it.
What would I look?
Flanders.
Happy.
Was it a happy dude?
Here it is.
Homer's autodialer.
Adelie diddly.
Ugh, it was that darn recording again.
Of course it was.
It's been calling all night.
Just unplug the phone.
Adelie diddly.
Dang.
I told you to unplug the phone but it could be my mother howdy shoot that is it Ned if you don't unplug that phone right now you're sleeping on the lawn will you two shut up and try to sleep
fucking Homer Simpson uh it's his fault that it's happening ignorant ignorant old man
looks like we put the kibosh on another two-bit telephone swindle boys frankly I would have expected better from Jimmy the scumbag
Hey, what's this thing?
Huh? Ah, that's an auto-dialer.
This bird was using it to pull a telemarketing scam.
But instead, he's gonna rotten the slammer for the next 20 years.
Bread and water, icy showers, guards whomping your ass around the clock,
and the only way out is suicide.
Telemarketing, eh?
So that's a homer gun.
All right, now we know.
I'm trying to find the last scene is when, uh, there...
Oh, look, Mr. Burns got called by it.
Ahoy, hoy.
I was just looking to see if I could find the scene where it escapes and goes back to Frank.
But who cares, guys?
Just go to FX.com, the FX channel, and they have every single Simpsons episode there available commercial free.
If you are a subscriber to FX or get it through your cable provider.
I feel sorry for you, cord cutter. Suck a dick.
I don't know why you sat me in the studio next to Catastrophe.
She just ripped ass, and it smells like fucking hot garbage and baby food.
This is fucking disgusting.
I want a new seating chart by the time the next show rolls around.
Love the show.
Okay, bye.
All right, well, I guess that's it.
I think I've said my thank yous.
So listen, I probably will do a Christmas show.
Again, I usually like to do them with Mr. Brad Carter.
I don't know if he's available.
I haven't checked with him yet.
Call Nation Madhouse Live
I'll talk to you guys then and be sure to tune in to Dwight McCranky Hand he will be on tomorrow
with the Dwight the Janitor show at 10 p.m eastern standard time as well I'm done talking
uh wait a minute wait wait wait wait Brad says something in the Facebook chat room hang on what
did he say I said in the Facebook chat room that I would probably be around Christmas Eve yeah
I just need to know if Brad will accept to do a show with me.
Brad, do you accept to do a show with me?
I guess we'll all have to tune in on Christmas Eve to find out.
Bye for now.

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